lucid

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Thursday morning, 7 April 1977.

Cosmic Dawn (Wild Haflinger Horse in Front Yard)

Dream # 3,762-02.

I am standing in my front yard near the south side of our driveway in Cubitis early in the morning. The sun is incorrectly rising in the west.

A beautiful Haflinger horse is standing nearby. It faces me from the south near the first small silver oak tree. I think its name might be Cosmic Dawn, but I also vaguely consider “Cosmic Dawn” may be the name of a movie I am making. I try to recall if the horse is mine.

I calmly approach the horse to pat its nose, anticipating a spiritual connection. It suddenly seems afraid of me. It backs away and neighs loudly and unrealistically. It gallops to the highway, making stiff, unrealistic dancing and kicking movements with bizarre wriggling reminiscent of a mosquito larva.

Despite the increasingly surreal imagery as the horse continuously bucks as it progresses south, it briefly seems like a mechanism controlling the cosmos, including the movements of planets and stars. The night sky is visible through parts of the morning sky near the western horizon only.

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Lucidness and conscious bias seemed to result in the bizarre outcome. I often have more control of dream content in the second half of my sleep cycle with less lucidness (because of conscious bias), including when my dream self has no recall of what “dreaming” is but intuitively recognizes the essence and inconsequentiality of non-reality.

Ultimately, a horse corresponds with my ongoing perception of my imaginary physicality while in the dream state. My dream body and other imagined physical aspects of non-reality are not always stable, and awareness of that factor was present here. My dream made me realize that temporality outside of consciousness is ambiguous, as the night sky is visible through the sunrise in the wrong direction.

This dreaming experience integrates a real-world influence regarding a younger former schoolmate tying his horse to the first silver oak tree from our driveway. He had come to talk to my father about something his parents wanted. I was no longer going to school since age fifteen. I was not with him at any point, but I watched his horse through my window.

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Morning of February 9, 1977. Wednesday.



Dream Series: The Experience of Prescience, the Inexplicable Dream State Phenomenon. Part 4

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This dream’s main setting is an unusual variation of my Cubitis home. The shed is not present in the northern part of the backyard and one area near where the front of it would otherwise be is the side of a trailer that is oriented north to south, where two of my older brothers, Dennis and Jim, supposedly live (though they are living in Wisconsin at the time in reality, not Florida). The location of the main focus or dream’s climax is the exact same spot in the north side yard where my “mystery girl” revealed herself for the final time in this particular setting in a later dream (and also above where the body of Christ was literally buried in a childhood dream - eventually indicating I was the “son of the universe” in this cycle of existence), with the exact appearance (and unlikely accent) in every way, as my wife-to-be, Zsuzsanna, before we ever met in reality or even viably knew that we were real to each other.

An unknown beautiful dark-haired green-eyed girl (with the usual mixed Hungarian and Australian accent) features in my dream, thoug again, she has the same appearance as my lifelong “mystery girl” (dream girl of otherworldly beauty). She carries a sword which sometimes has a blue sheen and she wears some sort of unusual bikini-like outfit composed of teal-colored reptilian scales. Where I have a large scar on my left wrist, she has only a small scar on her left wrist. (In reality, Zsuzsanna has a smaller scar like a section of mine on her left wrist in the exact same spot where it matches mine. We got them in the same way; by falling onto a broken glass mug shard.)

At one point, I enter the trailer (its door otherwise in the same area the shed door would have been, though it is elevated). Jim and Dennis are not there, yet I have no doubt about the “reality” of this dream. I become impatient and angry at not finding my “mystery girl” after she is not present for a time, so angry that I tip over the shelves containing my brothers’ cassettes and records and such. I then make all the chairs fly about with telekinesis for a time as well as my literal “turning the tables” act, where I will a table to spin about and change its original orientation.

However, my “mystery girl” appears again in the next-to-last segment of this dream. She tells me that it is not my time to be with her yet and says she must “return to the Source”. I am not sure what it is all about. She is to be my bride, so I become impatient and reach out to her. She tells me that I will meet her in seventeen years in Australia. She seems to shrink, become younger and younger, and over time, becomes a gecko and scurries off southward. (In real life, I met Zsuzsanna in Australia exactly seventeen years after this dream, on February 9, 1994.)

I walk quickly south (covering more ground than would be possible in reality), thinking I might see her again, and, as is often the case, there is shallow water in many areas, but curiously, some swimming pools are mostly somehow empty while parts of the ground are lightly flooded (a variation of the very common water lowering waking symbolism, signifying the cessation of the dream state).

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From the night of December 23, 1966. Friday.

Dream #: 4-01. Reading time (optimized): 1 min 30 sec.



This dream (repeating at different levels of vividness several times on the same night, though chiefly from willing it) occurred three days after my sixth birthday. It started before midnight of December 23 while I slept in the second-floor apartment of 901 Rose Street in La Crosse, Wisconsin.

Its primary causation is simply a different version of the first microdream that I have had virtually every sleep cycle to date (as of October 19, 2020) when I am walking with a vivid awareness of imaginary kinaesthesia and suddenly fall into wakefulness with myoclonus. The main difference, other than its unique content, originates from the predominant degree of sleep atonia resulting in a dream of a longer length than the common microdream I have described here.

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In my dream, it is late at night, and no other person seems to be awake. It is dark. I walk on the back roof of the Rose Street building (accessible from the second floor by way of a door at the end of a hallway), with liminal dream state awareness. I think of using the fire escape at the back of the building to descend to the parking area. When I start to step onto it, it is no longer present. A more realistic version of the Shadow Cat from “Gay Purr-ee” (1962) is suddenly holding onto my hand as I remain in the dream, though in undefined liminal space for a time.

I entered different versions of my dream several times in the same sleep cycle. In one instance, I descended the stairs. In another, I chose not to walk to the edge, though in another, I floated.

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Other than the usual causation, more specific influences in this case mainly come from the musical scenes in the animated movie. It includes the lines “If anyone can save you, the money cat can!” and “In the palm of our paw” from “The Money Cat.” Of lesser influence was “Show me the way to all my dreams” and “and be seen hand-in-hand with Paree” from “Take My Hand, Paree.”

Because of this dreaming experience, I began to develop an advanced understanding of dream control, liminality, and dream content causation in a world where virtually everything I read about dreams is the result of misconception.

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Night of December 16, 1966. Friday.



This was recurring from when I was very young. I believe there were a few versions that occurred in the middle of the night. In one version, in one journal, I had decided that the opossums may actually be small foxes (even though that really was not very reasonable), so I wrote a poem called “Foxes in the Trees” in real life, yet later decided that I should not change things, so I came to have an internal self-fulfilling symbolism of the opossums being the “princes of the trees”. Being watched by mysterious animal eyes is probably a universal theme in children’s dreams regardless of race or culture, but I am only guessing that based on my own early experiences in dream work.

It is late at night and I am in the woods, I assume in an area of Chipmunk Coulee farther from where I had actually lived in that region.

I am near a tree in which there are a few opossums on the branches but all I can see are their eerie glowing eyes (and in later versions, the lighter heart-shaped areas of their faces). It seems these opossums are some sort of guardians that are supposed to follow me and protect me in some unknown way. I pretend not to notice them because I do not want to cause trouble or perhaps draw attention to myself in this unfamiliar landscape.

In the distance is a long, winding path of an unusual (almost a sequence of Z-shaped turns) path where some areas seem to be dead forests. The moon (or sun in a rather “bad” dream rendering?) seems to be a black shadow hanging in the sky rather than the “real” moon or sun. This unusual area seems to be very similar to my “Empty Boots” dream found here: http://blue-opossum.tumblr.com/post/...75/empty-boots

Night of November 12, 1966. Saturday.



I am in my older sister Marilyn’s apartment on Rose Street which was similar to my parent’s rented apartment on the second floor and across the hall in the same building. In her broom closet (which is larger in my dream), there appears to be some sort of “portal” into another world. A tall girl made of diamonds is ready to emerge. She is actually like a large living diamond which is shaped mostly like a person but with many seemingly both transparent and reflective facets. It is not a threatening event but is rather eerie. My sister Marilyn does not seem all that surprised or interested. (It almost seems incidental to the location, like someone coming to wait for a bus, perhaps). No clothes are implied. (She does seem to take on a fashion show stance at one point, hands on hips with upper body slightly slanted to her left side.) She may be some sort of being from a different planet as this is the feeling I eventually get. There does not seem to be a floor in the broom closet so I am not sure how she is standing in place. In fact, the broom closet almost seems to lead into outer space. (However, there is also the idea that she may have come up by way of an elevator from the tavern below the apartment.)

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Notes on Tuesday, 8 March 2016: This dreams ends with semi-lucid doorway waking symbolism. This type of dream outcome is sometimes triggered by the reticular activating system when environmental noise is present and based on the implied need to wake up and answer the door (which does not mean that the environmental noise is an actual door knock as the mind is unconscious and does not correctly perceive the real environment). Here, my emergent consciousness is rendered as a goddess-like being, the diamonds possibly analogous to the many facets of whole consciousness upon fully waking. Outer space relates to subliminal consciousness, the stars being neurons (in direct contrast to when awake when stars would represent the opposite, “seeing stars” as becoming unconscious or nearing unconsciousness). But why the female form? This causes me to question the doorway transition in this case as to whether it represented my ideal wife-to-be (even before she was born), Zsuzsanna. “The Biomagnetic Monster” (1965) dream could be seen as implying other people are connected while in the dream state though become “smaller” (less “present”) during the waking transition.

In “The Big Diamond” (1974) dream, it is implied that my emergent consciousness is a huge diamond (also representing whole consciousness - though the diamond is only half above ground - the other half below ground being my dream self). The only other character in “The Big Diamond” dream was the actress Michael Learned. She was apparently born on April 9th, which indicates prescience as that was when Zsuzsanna and I married.

In “Tulpa Triumphant” (2014) with my personal alternate title being “Zsuzsanna Triumphant”, my wife is seen as the “only true female that exists in this world” (or my dream state), which resolves to the reason for my dreams rendering her as the very accurate “mystery girl” long before we met. My dream may imply that all other females I have met or seen are only a facet of the “big diamond” while my wife Zsuzsanna is the diamond itself (symbolic of Corona Australis or Yin Incarnate, Virgo, Hathor, and so on, though not in the superstitious sense).

Diamonds represent the power of whole consciousness and thoughts that mirror (and reflect) various patterns into other areas of existence, as it is the conscious mind and expectation that builds the realm of the unconscious.

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But what if the origin of this dream in this case is the influence of the justifiably infamous “Mystery Date” (board game for girls) television commercial (from 1965)? How is that for irony?

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Morning of November 7, 1976. Sunday.



Water induction autosymbolism commences. Water is dream state autosymbolism for the essence of sleep. The presence of the water in mid-afternoon is more beautiful than ever. It sparkles and radiates in the promise of healing and maximum well-being. Water is life.

I had apparently come out from the water and that which had made me. There are several times when I open my eyes and squint due to the brightness of the sun directly overhead. The backyard of my Cubitis home has changed but I do not take that much notice to this. It seems I had fallen asleep in the backyard. The orange grove is not present. There is a large lake with islands rising in the distance as I gaze northward. Everything is so bright, well-defined, and vivid.

It seems as if I am slipping back and forth between my real bed and this “bed” in semi-lucidity. In my illogical thinking, I am wondering which location is where I really am. Perhaps both are real. Perhaps both are an illusion. The backyard is no longer covered with green grass, but smooth white ovular stones of about the size of my hands. This is not uncomfortable.

Eventually, when I hold my eyes open for a longer time, the head and neck of a very small plesiosaur, about the size of a cat, emerges from the lake about three feet from its shore. It has the grace of a swan. It sways somewhat as it seems to be watching me. Soon, there are a total of six. They all swim closer toward the shore, seeming curious of my presence. I am unsure if they are baby plesiosaurs or a miniature species.

I eventually enter the cool wonderful water. I swim with these creatures in a smooth and enjoyable event. It is a wonderful and peaceful experience. It is as if I am seen as a part of their world and they are welcoming me, though I am still fully aware of my human form. Euphoria. Can you imagine anything better than swimming in cool pure water in the dream state? The brain and heart are both about 73 percent water. It is the unsullied expansion of the self to be within this depth in the dream state. We swim to the depths of the lake, but eventually this segment of my dream fades.

In an offset dream, seemingly without waking fully, I now seem incorporeal. I am aware of a very large flatbed truck carrying our house to Wisconsin over a curved fictional highway beyond where the railroad tracks are in real life, to the east. I hover and watch the event. There is a vague focus on the house falling off this large truck as it makes a turn but I subliminally choose not to will this to happen, even after my dream resets and the scene repeats. It goes around a curve near a high embankment. I feel a sense of amusement as if I can shape the outcome in any way I choose.

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Years later, there was a highway in real life in that same area (though no lake or backyard of smooth white stones was ever a feature to this day). Although there had been talk of widening the highway (which has never happened to this day), that was regarding the original Highway Seventeen beyond our front yard to the west. I found it quite odd that the highway instead was built as in my dream. I never considered that this would actually happen.

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Last reviewed on Friday, 4 May 2018.

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Morning of October 3, 1976. Sunday.



I travel in a car with good friend Johnny C as the driver (same car he had in real life and this scenario being similar to real life to a point), best friend Toby T, and three girls including Tina L (so I guess the car was apparently crowded but did not seem as such). There is a recurring idea that was very common in dreams of this time period. The idea of moving through time or into “alternate worlds” based on a series of directions alone. I am semi-lucid but not “take full control” lucid, as I did not seem to want to be at this stage, just so I could passively enjoy things.

I am in the back seat on the right side. We are going north at one point. There is the idea that we should stop near my Cubitis home to see how it has changed. We decide to make my house the main destination through different “alternate worlds” or “alternate times”.

Upon our first stop, we find the house has changed into a laboratory but it has seemingly been abandoned. I see a beautiful painting on the east wall in my room that shows strange birds. They look like ordinary birds except that they have “sideways beaks” that I realize are exactly like the mandibles of a stag beetle. I feel a very strange awareness upon seeing this, an unusual feeling I cannot quite relate. I also notice a few pinned-up diagrams and scattered papers with various complex equations sitting on a desk. For some reason, I think of them as “byrds” with understanding of the different spelling.

We leave and come back into a different “time”. This time the place does not seem abandoned and one man is there to say that we are allowed to look around but not to touch anything. Going onto the carport, we see cages on the left. There are about three larger cages with strange creatures in them. One is like a peacock with snakelike features and it hisses and “strikes” at us but only succeeds in hitting the bars. I notice that our chicken shed is still there but built up a bit.

Once again, we leave and “come back”. This time, the house is abandoned again. We look around and mostly only find dusty ground and rusty pieces of metal. As there is not much to see, Toby T suggests going “as far as possible”. Johnny C seems hesitant, but we are on our way.

There is a strange sensation of moving very swiftly. We seem to be thousands of years in the future. We look out and see a strange sight. The house is very different (or likely a different building) and there are some strange creatures. It seems a “mother creature” is communicating with her “son”, who is standing near an upper-section-opened Dutch door to what looks somewhat like a barn (upper half open). They are somewhat human in form, but also a bit more like mostly white, living ceramic chickens with a Chinese appearance and with very small but defined simple geometric patterns (in mostly red and black) all over the large heads and smaller thinner bodies. They are making a sort of higher-pitched crunching noise to communicate by moving their “beaks” which is not really a beak but like some sort of small sliding door that varies in sound to how far it is open at any given time. The “mother” is somewhat wary of us, which is why she wants to get her “son” (about half as tall as “her”) and go inside.

We decide to go back. However, we end up taking a wrong turn, it seems (seemingly based on something Toby said), as the car goes flying westerly over an embankment and into Lettuce Lake. We all escape, but Johnny is annoyed at having lost his car. (There is also an idea that the land features may have changed when traveling through different time periods rather than solely misdirection.)

Notes on the bird relevance in this dream: Firstly, the living ceramic chicken (somewhat anthropomorphic) in this dream is perceived as being an incarnation of me (as the dreamer) at the “end of time”. It is curious how it is near the Dutch door. As a door represents the waking point (or shift in awareness), but here has only the top half open, it is a very curious reference to a false awakening (as well as a seeming invitation to be above as opposed to below - possibly suggesting rising from the end of the dream rather than the usual “falling”), which does occur, but still with continuation of seemingly the “same” dream. (Johnny’s car ends up in the water, which, even though water is often induction, is more relative to the “falling” waking transition here.)

Addressing the two other odd bird forms here, the serpentine peacock that hisses from the cage is a form of “captured flight” (restricted emotional, sexual, or spiritual freedom in the dream state). Even though the dream is very vivid, I do not become viably lucid. It may also be an association from when I heard that people thought that a peacock feather was an “evil eye” which may be linked to the fact that the peacock also had snakelike aspects. This of course is an absurd idea that I never considered as having any merit, but dreams utilize anything and everything (including the nonsensical beliefs of humanity) to teach viable focus and discernment. The other odd distortion, a painting of flying birds (which may otherwise be implied to be sparrows) with the sideways “beaks” (mandibles) of stag beetles, is relevant to the greater understanding of dream composites in general. The fact that these flying birds and beetle composites are only in a painting is a giveaway relating to the two other nonflying bird symbols and the failure to become lucid or resolve the concept of freedom. My dream self is not able to resolve why these birds are “wrong” either, only that they are somehow unusual. I even think of them as “byrds” rather than “birds” while in the dream state.

Night of September 9, 1976. Thursday.



One of the worst nights of pain based on the operation on my right thumb (on the 25th of August) and wrist (and much tissue removed), a cobra strikes me on my thumb in my dream, extraordinarily vivid and bright in the backyard (Cubitis), seemingly in early morning.

Finally, my mother gives me a stronger painkiller again and I slip into an extraordinarily vivid and lucid dream. I am rolling down an embankment head over heals, along a grassy hillside, doing “perfect” somersaults with no physical discomfort whatsoever, and in fact, feeling quite peaceful and blissful. I roll into a river of mist. It looks like a normal river and in an otherwise normal meadow-like area, but instead is made of flowing foggy tendrils instead of running water. I am heading into a “bottomless” domain, much like Alice on morphine, I suppose, and am completely free from all discomfort and concern.

I “land” softly in a hallway after moving downwards through the mist for a seemingly long time, which appears to be the set for some sort of avant-garde movie called “Hello Harry”. It is about a young businessman who dies at an early age on his birthday (late twenties, I think). All of the other workers at the business, both male and female (but mostly male) benefit only from his work (and do little themselves) - yet he is mostly disliked by his business associates. This seems to imply that the business will now fail since he has died (though he is not the manager - there may be some sort of very subtle connection to “Gunga Din” by vague implications), without the other associates knowing or acknowledging his role in keeping the business going, possibly as the best or most dynamic salesman (and may actually come in part from having read “Death of a Salesman” at an earlier date, as I did read the 1949 play sometime during this period). He only has one good friend who mourns him. I “float” into a room with concrete walls and floor and see that the man who had been his friend is drinking too much from a bottle of gin and “celebrating” his friend’s birthday while wearing a multicolored cone-shaped cardboard hat (with red “V” or boomerang shapes) and a red tinsel lei. The remains are in a coffin in an adjoining smaller room. The rooms are mostly featureless and appear to be part of some sort of large basement, but possibly in the commercial building where he died. (It is possible he may be cremated in the business’s furnace, but I am not certain.)

The man (name unknown, I only know the dead man’s name is Harry - the other man could be Willy) goes into the smaller room and places a cocktail glass of gin on the coffin and takes one final drink from his cocktail glass and slowly and mournfully sings (to Harry) “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…” (obviously not expecting an “answer” of any kind, as he is the only one there and the other man has died the day or so before).

However, a clear voice comes from the closed coffin and it is supposedly Harry (even though he has actually died) also mournfully singing…“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…”

This is the last scene and it seems to have some sort of science-fiction-like theme as well as the avant-garde movie essence.

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Morning of August 21, 1976. Saturday.



This very long dream event came about after falling asleep again before eleven o'clock in the afternoon, with the sun streaming through the windows but not directly near me. My parents were not in the house during this time. My more nightmarish dreams happened mostly in daylight, sometimes with the sun’s rays shining in through the curtains or windows as here and perhaps triggered by the body’s need to get up and do things, thus the dream state seems to become “hostile” to the dream self.

This one started out during the longest sleep paralysis I have ever had, about thirty to forty minutes, and it was during this time that I partly woke several times, going back into a very lucidly aware dream state. My head was “buzzing” at different times, but there was no “out of body” perception at any point. I was asleep on the couch in the middle of the living room, facing east, my head to the north. (Normally, sleep paralysis is enjoyable for me.)

The main events involved two pieces of furniture that the sun’s rays had been shining upon now and then in real life, but somehow also creating a nightmarish shadowy gloomy effect in the room. One was a kitchen chair, looking much the same as in real life and starting to “walk” from the same position from near the partially open curtains in real life at the time. The other was the small green metal typewriter table on wheels, with the built-in bendable lamp, with the conical green metal lampshade. (See photo; it is the same as I had). As the sun went behind the clouds now and then, but still keeping the room light enough to see all the details as I drifted in and out of lucid dreaming and sleep paralysis, either the chair or the small table would “walk” towards me in an ominous, menacing way at a particular time. What came the closest to me was the small green typewriter table, its lamp being the “head” and the bendable part being the “neck” of some sort of miniature surreal “giraffe” as it moved towards me, appearing to “study” me (with the light bulb “face”) and I was hearing its groaning and clacking “legs” and “feet” upon the tiled floor (even though it has wheels). As the last energies of sleep paralysis wore off, I finally caught myself staring at the chair in the room in real life (although when it was walking, it did not have as much a menacing presence as the small table). It did not move of course, yet still looked the same as from my dream, facing directly towards me in perfect perspective and still having a creepy essence before I was fully awake. This was fascinating to me after being fully awake for a time. It was almost like a game, where I would open and close my eyes to check whether or not the furniture was really seemingly alive or potentially menacing.

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This is obvious sunrise symbolism with the related dawning consciousness event. A light bulb (especially if on) is also analogous to getting an idea, used as such in various newspaper cartoons and comic strips. It is also a sunrise metaphor (logic related to daytime wakefulness and being “bright” as in contrast to a “dim” person or akin to the phrase “the lights are on but no one’s home”, indicating the dreams self is aware and active but not fully awake and conscious). It is fairly common to have unusual dreams when sleeping in a different location and here, the bendable lamp stretched towards me to create an aggressive sense of sunrise (the yellowish glow) and the need to fully wake. It was as if my conscious self was annoyed by me still being asleep.

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My lovely wife Zsuzsanna has also had a lucid nightmare with this theme, yet she was watching the upright electric floor fan “walking” towards her on its otherwise flat-to-the-floor four “legs” and moving its “head” (the motor and fan) in a very similar way as the small table with the bendable lamp (in a seemingly menacing “observing” way) as in mine.

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Night of August 18, 1966. Thursday.



This is probably one of my first more precisely documented dreams over time. It was recurring and lucid in some versions. One might think this would be a nightmare, but not even close, just a sense of childlike awe and wonder and likely my first tulpa-creating attempt within a dream state.

My dream usually starts at the Concordia Ballroom (at 1129 La Crosse Street) where my father often performed in real life. It is fairly late at night. I danced there in reality at the time, but in my dream, things are quite different. The Concordia building seems to be oriented perpendicular to actuality. There are also a lot of cars that seem more of a late 1940s style than the 1960s.

Not only that, I end up wandering off into the darkness, yet seeing that a large barn…yes…a barn - exists just down the street a short distance from the Concordia Ballroom.

In the barn it is semi-dark. Cobras are certainly not to be found in Wisconsin (in the wild, anyway), but there is a cobra in the hayloft (and only ever one). It is mostly black with a bit of yellowish orange. In some versions (even later on, as it got colder in real life), I wait expectantly, but wake up before it appears (almost as if it had to appear before I could leave my dream with “better confidence” - hard to explain). Sometimes it seems to be a long time for me to be standing there. No drama happens. No one comes looking for me. I do not think of climbing up to the hayloft at all. The cobra is high above in the hayloft, upright, around the middle area, and is no real threat. There seems to be a mystical atmosphere over the whole time period with similar dreams.

Morning of April 10, 1976. Saturday.



There is some sort of very rare and special type of larger grouse (though more quail-like in some ways) in the backyard at Cubitis, though their size may be a typical in-dream magnification of perspective. It is supposedly “sacred” and has some sort of incredible ability to prey on humans at times as well as supposedly send human-like emotions apparently telepathically to disorient people. There are about six or seven in the yard at one point, and I am not sure if it is a good idea to even be outside.

I somehow fall down near the south side of the shed (fairly close to the carport) and feel an intense and bizarre sensation like a “deep tickle” in my side and lower back, which I have had on and off all my life, especially more recently. I am aware that I have fallen on one of these “sacred grouse” and thus may be doomed because of this. I see one of them closer to my face as it walks nearer and I feel a deep sense of awe.

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This was similar to a number of other in-dream premonitory events, including the dog with the knife-like nose, the buzzard’s beak, and several others. They all involve this intense spasm in my lower back that is like a mix of unbearable pleasure and a strange mild pain.

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Induction factor: water (man-made; birdbath made by my father for my mother). The setting is known and realistic and mostly private (backyard sometimes shared with friends). There are no other characters directly seen, though I sense my father is also in the backyard. I have a greatly enhanced awareness of my physical body, movement, and weight. Return flight factor features as a large quail or grouse with unrealistic intelligence and human-like sentience. The mood was of a growing awe and eventual mortal fear. Additional coalescence factor: ground (soil), coalescence (as my body inexplicably falling on the bird with the belief I may have crushed it) with the belief that I am dead or at least paralyzed for a long time. Possible explanation: Unknown, other than the back spasm event - but premonitory or causal? I seem to have “died” in this dream, but only my temporary dream self incarnation came to an end here. My father raised quail at the time, though much smaller than the birds in my dream.

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Afternoon of April 9, 1976. Friday.



I had fallen asleep in my father’s original room in Cubitis that he also used as a music studio (until he bought the matte silver bus he kept parked in the backyard and by this time also had the new room he built into the carport). My mother sometimes sat near the south windows when writing letters to various friends and relatives.

In my dream, I am hovering upside-down, seemingly in the fetal position, in a vast expanse of darkness, both to each side of me and at least below me. It is not quite like my prenatal memories in that it does not have a sense of being in two places at the same time and no immediate “walls” around me. I do have a sense of comfort, but also feel a bit displaced. I am trying to recall my dream that I was apparently “pulled out of”, thinking I must be awake now but am not sure of the setting I am in or why I seem to be hovering like this. My perception is about as vivid as possible for such a dream. I cannot see anything but my physical orientation seems as “real” as real life regardless of the unusual position.

Suddenly, I hear the mystery girl’s voice (long-term precognitive wife-to-be presence) calling out “Honey…honey…” (louder the second time) almost as if it is an attempt to get my attention with the assumption that I am sleeping, though again I cannot see anything. This causes me to begin to question what is going on, though my dream is too short to think too much about it. I know it cannot be my mother (especially as she has a much older-sounding voice) because I perceive myself as an adult for some reason (as well as maintaining a growing lucidity where I seem to be awake and asleep at the same time and trying to work out why the mystery girl wants me - I also feel intensely connected to a “different time”) and perhaps sleeping next to my partner while coming out of sleep because of her calling me. I come out of my dream fairly quickly (with a sudden somewhat startling shift in my physical perspective) and it is almost like the sound was actually perceived, with the residual faux echo (much as in real life when the consciousness is slightly shifted from being very tired and there is a faux echo when anything is spoken - something to do with slowed-down short-term memory, I think). This was one of my most vivid dreams during this time period as well as quite puzzling in terms of orientation and perspective. Of course, the voice matched my yet-to-be wife when I did talk to her on the telephone years later. This is one of thousands of dreams that validated who she was. Without a cue or clue from me (and although it is a common term of endearment), “honey” was the first thing my wife-to-be called me when we first started talking and even after twenty years, she is the only one I have ever heard with her particular unique accent and vocal nuances.

Night of November 5, 1965 to morning of November 6, 1965. Friday night to Saturday morning.



Summary: I dreamt a television-influenced scenario in real time, with the same soundtrack but mostly different imagery.

After extensive research, I have been able to pinpoint more data on one of the most vivid (but previously less documented) dreams of the later half of 1965. I have written about it several times in the past, but will detail as much as possible here. Curiously, it turns out to be yet another “unexplained” November 6th event (of which there is at least one for every year of my life) with heightened awareness and personal links as well as a deep nostalgia relating to certain dream states.

This was mostly a lucid dream (in that I knew I was dreaming and it was almost as vivid as real life) but I did not take control at any point. Also interesting was that my dream (the on-the-couch version) seemed to last more than a day. This is even in relation to the hour-long soundtrack of the show seeming extended over that long.

My dream occurred over about an hour, with several false awakenings as well as actual partial awakenings, but then it went into a “reset” (when I actually went to my own bed across the hall) and some of it repeated the next morning with other mixed dreams. It was basically caused by falling asleep at the beginning of the “Don’t Open Till Doomsday” episode of “The Outer Limits” television series. Although I was already seriously into dream work at this time (age four, almost five), this dream alone enhanced my interest greatly. I begin to watch the show in my sister’s Rose Street apartment, sitting on the couch on my own, but I was already quite tired, starting to have heavy eyes at the line “There is nothing wrong with your television set”, firstly falling asleep during this time.

Much of my dream occurred as I was lying on my right side on the couch but otherwise facing the television. The show was in black-and-white, but my dream was in vivid color. As with many other dreams, they remained far more detailed, memorable, and clear than the actual shows they were “scripted” by in real life (and with “better special effects” and more “realistic” in general). During the days without YouTube, Internet, and so on, it sometimes took a few years to confirm how details distorted relative to the original “script”.

One of the things that struck me in-dream was the eye that seemed to float in blackness but which was actually someone looking into the box at the miniature alien-monster from his side. This was probably one of the most internally influential images of the time. In reality, the actual creature looked (to me at the time) like a pile of dog poo with one eye stuck on. I noted this especially as I was, in liminal floating, trying to work out what was a dream and what was really on the television screen.

Also in my dream there was far more drama and action than the show that was actually on at the time, though the sound track was primarily the same (but again, seemingly over a much longer time period). In my dream, the monster was actually gigantic (instead of a miniature in a box) and was also green and orange and somewhat octopus-like (but with a mostly hairless gorilla-like head). At one point, I watch the giant creature (while seemingly disembodied) move through a large city, “walking” from left to right, its tentacles moving about, sometimes destroying buildings. In this case, there is also a scene where the eye appears in the sky as if in reference to the moon or another planet.

Near the end of my dream, there is a scene where a man is trying to hide from this giant creature that is hunting him (not at all anything like the show’s actual plot) and the creature “unknowingly” destroys a skyscraper the man is in. As the building collapses, the man free-falls outside the collapsing outer wall and even though it is a fall from around the twentieth floor, he survives with no injuries. After a typical in-dream “reset” I become the character in a similar replay.

Curiously, my relevant most coherent awakening occurred at the exact moment the hand-printed note was shown at the end of the episode (which read “Don’t Open Till Doomsday”) though I was still a bit groggy. From there I went to my own bed even though I had a few false awakenings where it seemed I had already. The line “If I cannot annihilate the world, I must uncreate myself…”, even though heard in my sleep at age four, was still clearly in my mind in my later teenage years, proof of strong influence in liminal states.

Night of November 2, 1965. Tuesday.



I consider this a paranormal dream for several reasons, including the fact that it repeated exactly many years later (as a surfacing memory, but I almost passed out in the intensity - one of the only times that this has ever happened in my lifetime in this manner as I was walking down the sidewalk at night) just before reaching my sister Marilyn’s house and hearing about my sister Carol having a heart attack. There was no prior clue to this event (and in fact, Carol was in possibly the lowest risk group for heart attacks, being a younger female and having no medical history as such in the family, but she did recover), and my “vision” (second occurrence of this dream) actually seemed to “tell” me this as well (before arriving at sister Marilyn’s house).

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This was a late night dream with possibly two layers, a real-life “replay” (or composite memory) of a visit from sister Carol later at night, and the superimposition of the giant bat.

I am viewing the scene directly, but I am possibly incorporeal, as it would seem I should be sleeping at the time. It seems fairly late at night. My sister Carol is visiting my home on Chipmunk Coulee. She has gotten out of the car and is in our front yard. I believe my parents come out to see her. She does not seem to acknowledge me.

Suddenly, from out of the dark of the night, comes a giant bat. It is about as great in wingspan as a car is long. My sister Carol ducks down with a sense of fear and puzzlement. I sense her emotions but do not feel threatened myself. Still, I do feel that something may “eventually” happen to her at a later date. It moves over her from only about three feet from the top of her head. There is no clear awareness of it other than the darkness, the wings, and the movement (for example, no sight of the bat’s “face”, feet, or more discernible wing detail).

The repeat of this vivid dream (I would say lucid as I did perceive it was only a vivid dream at one point, which was why there was not a stronger fear of it) was not at all like a usual surfacing memory but an actual “replay” that almost knocked me out and probably would have if not being slightly “faster” (or “time-compressed”) than the 1965 version at one point.

It is possible that the supraconscious only brought up this dream again, more “quickly” in unfolding to “match” the approaching event of learning about my sister Carol as this was the only dream I recall where sister Carol seemed to be in danger.

A “borrowed” dream to be “rewired” as precognitive? Either that, or I saw myself receiving the news many years ahead rather than an hour or so. There are different ways to look at all unexplainable events, “superstition” or “coincidence” being an unacceptable farce regarding an experience such as this.

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Induction factor: darkness of night. The setting is known and realistic and mostly private (though relatives are visiting). My parents are present as well as my sister Carol (half-sister on my mother’s side) and seemingly at least a couple other relatives. I have a very clear awareness but may be implied to be incorporeal though still perceiving everything at normal head height. Return flight factor features as a giant bat. The mood was of a growing awe but not a strong fear. Additional coalescence factor: the shadow. Possible explanation: This is an unexplainable one in how it vividly and exactly repeated in a precognitive sense (while not asleep) years later.

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Morning of September 28, 1965. Tuesday.



In my vivid dream (age 4, originally documented in detail on reel-to-reel, but written in adult grammar here), I am with all of my older brothers and sisters on my mother’s side (Marilyn, Carol, Earl, Dennis, and Jim). My parents are not present at any point. We are walking up an isolated trail on Grandad Bluff in La Crosse, though there are ambiguous associations with Chipmunk Coulee.

Without incident, we come to a large circular clearing deep in the forest where an old log cabin features near its center. I am told to see if anyone is home, so I go onto the porch on my own to look around while my relatives stand near the edge of the clearing (about a quarter of a city block away). I notice an old wooden rocking chair on the porch upon which a tasseled woven cushion sits. Suddenly, I am lying on my back, not remembering having fallen over.

An unfamiliar large white cat, almost as big as me, approaches me and is soon walking on my chest, getting closer and closer to my face. He does not make a sound at any point. Curiously, he has a very long white human-like beard, which almost hangs to the floor. I feel a bit uneasy but I do not call out right away.

Meanwhile, my siblings do not seem to think that I am in danger. They seem to be happy and are smiling and laughing. I remain wary of the cat’s human-like eyes and seemingly superior intelligence as well as its amazing apparent old age, though I am also somewhat annoyed by my physical discomfort and uncertainty of what is going on, so I attempt to call for someone to come and take the cat off me, but they seem to be walking back into the forest, though I get the impression they do not think I am in danger. I cannot call out very loudly anyway.

I am uncertain of what to do or how to respond. I do not want to annoy this “old man” by being mean to him, though he is probably too heavy to push away anyway. I am unsure of the cat’s intentions as they may be meant to be very friendly or even helpful somehow. I get the impression that a lonely old man who had lived in the cabin somehow became one with his pet cat; that the cat and the old man are now the same entity.

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Some basic dream components are rendered here. I had originally been walking, but near the end of my dream, I am lying on my back in the sleeping position my body is in in reality. A porch is autosymbolism for a specific level of unconsciousness of which is closer to the conscious self identity and the waking factor than other typical dream settings, but also hints at an attempt to go back into sleep and lucid dreaming. (This is based on personal experience even in childhood in deliberately using a porch or carport in some dreams to exit a building and enter a more vivid dream state “outside”, which has worked many times as such.)

Some people might assume that this dream was at least partly a result of being exposed to the bizarre ignorant belief of a cat stealing a child’s breath, but there is no way to verify if this was the influence. In reality, I did have a cat walk on my chest a number of times when I was both resting and sleeping. This may be why the transition of the preconscious into the emergent consciousness factor did not seem directly threatening, as well as holding the essence of a friendly old man.

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Ultimately, this remains a personal favorite and was one of many reasons my interest in dreams, including lucid states as here, remained throughout my life.

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