non-lucid

I seem to be staying in an apartment, apparently some kind of temporary accommodation, with a woman and a third person I can remember even less clearly. Something strange is going on, but it isn’t clear what. At some point, we go out and are on a sidewalk going past a number of similar apartment-style buildings. But we’ve barely left when I realize that leaving was a bad idea - we’re playing into their hands. (Whose? Can’t remember now….) And it’s already too late. Two figures are rapidly approaching me. One is an enormous, threatening dog, controlled by the other, although there’s something human about it too. It’s clearly too tight a spot to get out of, and so I successfully manage to negotiate instead. In return for not giving them a fight, they’ll come by the apartment for me later instead.

After that, we’re back in the apartment, or at least some version of it, trying to figure out what to do. But I’ve realized something: this whole thing is about the woman, not me, and so there may not be much I can do. (I haven’t explicitly realized that I’m dreaming, but it’s pretty clear that I’m operating on the assumption.) It’s as if there’s some mystery we don’t fully understand, but we’ll have to solve it, or rather she will, to achieve a good outcome.

I’m suddenly struck with a realization. The biggest problem here is that this experience-space is being conditioned by the expectation that only things that make real-world sense can happen. Other possibilities are being excluded, and I can see that if that logic is allowed to dictate what happens next, failure is practically guaranteed. But if I can manage to de-condition this space, then - well, it might not solve the problem. That’s out of my hands. But it will at least make the problem solvable.

And so I begin to talk. Not to anyone in particular - the woman is within earshot, but I’m keeping out of her way otherwise, as this seems to be the extent to which I can help, and anything further is probably just going to interfere. I say whatever weird, off-the-wall non sequiturs without the slightest connection to the present situation happen to pop into my head. I am always happy to help, especially if it’s by doing something that under ordinary circumstances would just be obnoxious.

I can feel it working. Little by little, the space is becoming less rigidly structured and predictable; dream logic is reestablishing itself here. I can hear, in another room, new characters, having arisen out of nothing, are speaking with the woman. Previously intangible aspects of the situation are beginning to manifest, and accordingly, she now seems to be making actual progress.

(This was another entirely-over-by-2-am dream, for the record)

2.1.24

…or at least the parts of it I can still sort of remember.

I am with a group of people in a large space. There seem to be many small groups here, spread out in a number of seating areas, I guess you’d call them, except it’s more along the lines of cushions on the floor. The best comparison I can make would be an evacuation shelter in terms of the scale of the space and how it’s configured - although that isn’t what it is. There’s no sense of danger or conflict or anything outside of the ordinary.

The people with me, all women, I think, are DJs, and at some point, I take out my field recorder and offer to make a recording of some strange sound they’ve discovered and are messing around with making and send them a file of it later. (Because everybody likes to collect sounds, right?) But first, I check the settings to make sure I’ll be making a high-quality recording in the correct format. The interface is an unfamiliar one, which I rationalize by thinking that this isn’t the recorder I normally use. I also lose another chance at recognizing that this is a dream because, in spite of the fact that I’m looking at text on an electronic display, my recorder does not seem to be suffering from dodgy dream device syndrome. Far from it. Everything looks stable, and quite detailed - it’s actually the part of the dream I have the most precise memory of - and I don’t have a hard time adjusting the settings.

1.1.25

Jamie voice seemed to be splitting after my last entry. Wasn't sure why. Of course I meant she's more than welcome to come to my door and ask for me. I simply meant other options as suggestions for whatever she feels comfortable with. Maybe she was upset over my unwillingness to reach out first. Even though I already did a few times. She never responded. If my best message to her still isn't good enough for her. No further attempts are necessary. I argued with her voice on this early this morning about this very thing. She admitted: It's unreasonable to expect you reach to me, if I don't respond. Exactly right! This entirely changes if she begins to talk to me and let's me know that further communication is okay. I'm ready to step up then.

Dreams:

2 nights ago.

Jamie 1

(Can't use colors because I can't get posting entries here to work properly on PC or mobile. What gives DV? What gives?)

I dreamed Jamie was working construction with me or something. I was climbing up some scaffold or something. Jamie was climbing to but she was surrounded by wooden ramps and walls they were also moving very fast. I told her that's not necessary, we're simply here to work.

Fortnite again?

Jamie 2

She was with me in a house? We kept flying around but instead of talking , we kept leaving notes for one another.

Jamie 3

I was with Jamie in a city. She had a fancy blue car. She pushed a button and it started changing into a more fancy car or something. She laughed and asked if I liked it?

When I woke up. I kinda split on that. She seemed like her careless and grandiose self of which I have very bad memories of. I recall her being quite hurtful when she was like that.

Jamie 4

I was walking on a residential street. I was eating a sandwich. It had some meat and a shitload of mayonnaise. It was messy. I don't recall liking it too much.

Woke up and the voice said she made me pastrami on rye? Oops I was supposed to like it. Sorry.

This whole entry seems negative. So I'll end on some positive notes.

Pets

I woke up on top of a bunk bed. There were tiny goats flying up to me and I was petting them.

Also the Jamie voice wanted me to confirm some of the jokes we say to one another. Many months ago I was trying to cheer up her voice by saying, " I believe in the good person inside of you." She responded, " You are the good person inside of me." Lol. Read into that however you like. It's been a running joke ever since.

I hope next dreams are loving and affectionate. These holidays were more moody than what I would have liked.

0600...I was again walking down a leafy suburb and woke up.....barrrrr

Merry Chrysler! Aw, shit it's boxing day...


Scary height?

Me and Jamie were on a giant tall hill. In the middle of a giant tree... with a wooden base around it built into the tree. We had two other members on the team running around below. We were waiting for something. for some reason I had a pistol on me... Wait are we dreaming about fortnite again? OG map? Jamie said that this was really high up. She seemed scared. I was too. some guy from our team said no one was around so it was safe to go down. We did. I found a bunker full of food. I felt like making bacon.


Last night:

Jesus again

Me and Jamie were in a very large standing area. There was a multitude of couples with us in the standing area. It felt like these couples were like me and Jamie - Hand picked by Jesus for life commitments - but he had to separate them first to work on them. We were all facing the front where there was a throne. Jesus was there on the throne. He said, "My children I'm beginning my work NOW to bring you all together again."

I woke from this dream. The Jesus voice said (Or Holy Spirit), "Jamie is knocking on the door now.". That's funny, when I first arrived back in Bowden, over a year ago, He said she was at the door.

Well, my door is open. If she wants to talk, She knows where my house is. I would not turn her away. If she's comfortable with phones first, my business with my personal cell is online, and in the Western.Buy.Sell.Trade paper. Or, if she wants to leave a note on my car. We both seem to be at a stalemate - I've already tried to reach out to her, she doesn't respond, I don't like what her non response does to me, so My hands are tied. I've seen her drive by me many times, but she never stops to talk. Maybe Jesus is hinting that he may do something... wether it's running into eachother more often, or through familiar people, or situations. In any case, it sounds like it's on the horizon.

Jamie 3

I'm with Jamie in a house kitchen that seems to be ours. She's carrying a baby. She says, "We're beginning to run out of food."

Yes, I'm worried about that too. Even if together there might be staying with In-Laws for a while. My business is slowly picking up. I want to get other things going too. Like flipping computers. There's lots of things to gt into for side hustles or careers.

Part of a longer dream - I can only remember fragments of the earlier parts. It seems to be some kind of a school setting where I’m a student, and everybody is going to watch a play in the auditorium. I head there, with some people from the earlier part of the dream not far behind me. Not many others have arrived yet, so there are plenty of places where we can find seats together.

I find an empty row and sit down. On the stage below, I can see that there are a couple large wooden shelves set up on the right (relative to my position) and a larger set piece on the left with a very large fan in front, blowing onto it. But the fan is clearly causing some problems. The shelves don’t seem to be secured very well, and they start rocking back and forth. As I watch, they both fall over forward. Since everything on them is just fastened-down props, it doesn’t look like any real damage has been done. However, they seem to have been attached to the structure on the left, and having broken loose from it, it now looks to be in immanent danger of being blown backstage by the high-powered air, where it could cause some serious damage.

A friend of mine is in the play - his first time doing this - and I’m concerned for him, and for the situation in general, so I hurry down to the stage. The structure is being braced in front by a long, flat metal strip attached to it by metal pieces on either side, so I stand on that. It’s holding steady so far, but I was kind of hoping other people would also come down to help once I made the initiative, and while a few have made it as far as the stage, they don’t seem inclined to get any closer. More people weighing it down would be better - but if I pressure them to help and things end up going badly anyway, that would just make for a complicated situation. I’d rather not do that. It’s better that they freely decide to take on the risk themselves.

That’s where the situation stands when the dream shifts into some video game-like situation where some others and I are tasked with going around a massive backstage area and solving puzzles to collect everything that was blown back there so that the play can begin.

25.12.24

Due to work schedule and getting up early. Really low recall. Only dream was maybe Jamie.

No soup for you.

I was in a convenience store or grocery store. There was an Asian woman at the counter. She seemed really familiar. I said I wanted to buy soup. The woman looked confused and said that I can't buy soup. I pointed to the sign above a counter where some soup was. She looks and kind of hits herself lightly on the head as if: duh. As she went to the soup counter I said, "I need that to go please."

IRL I had soup from a grocery store when Jamie was with me.

The basic scenario of the dream seems to be that because one of the classes that JT and I are responsible for is on a trip to a nearby city for a week - one about an hour's drive away - we have to go there as well. There are some scenes of travel, with last part of the journey seemingly being via helicopter. There are some interactions with the guy piloting it that I can no longer recall.

While there, we meet up with a number of other people who belong to our organization - not based on real people, but in the context of the dream, they are supposed to be people I usually only see a couple times a year, for training and such, since they’re based in a different region. One of these is a young man with blond, spiky hair and tattoos all over his arms, including some that depict Baby Mario’s origin story (making this the third inexplicable Mario reference in not very long, especially inexplicable in this case since I don’t actually know the story, and it was probably just something my dreaming mind invented). We've apparently gotten along well on the occasions we’ve met previously, and at some point, he says that if I’d like, I can stay over at his place for evolution sometime.

I am initially confused by this and run through a couple possibilities of what he could mean until I “remember” that Evolution is the name of a party with a somewhat notorious reputation that happens around here. “Let’s talk about it later,” I say. (In the dream, there are clearly no romantic implications to this exchange.)

The classroom where JT’s and my students are is in a large building, on an upper floor. It seems to have been made to be difficult to find, with a number of entrances camouflaged into an ornate wall. Inside, it looks almost like some kind of laboratory. The students are already there - mine, anyway. JT and his are in an adjoining room. There are a number of scenes here where nothing very definite or memorable happens, although at some point, JT comes by in a wheelchair. I’m concerned and ask him what happened, but he seems brusque and doesn’t acknowledge that anything is wrong. OK, so he doesn’t want to talk about it. I won’t push it.

21.12.24

06;30

We all went to see the Killers in concert but I was backstage. I lost my sister but someone pointed her out, she was sitting by the toilets.
--------------
I actually had 2 dreams but when I woke up at 03;30 I never wrote my dream down.

Note to self. AALWAYS WRITE DOWN DREAM

I’m walking down a dirt road at night in some rural-looking, semi-wooded place. It’s very dark, maybe lit only by the moonlight. A car is coming down the road, from the direction I’m headed. It stops nearby, and a woman opens the driver’s side door slightly and asks me whether I need a ride. I tell her no, I’m just out for a walk. She drives off, and I keep going.

I’m only going as far as the end of the fence before I turn back - a wooden one on my right - and I’m almost there now. Actually, I’m not surprised the woman stopped, since I’m carrying some pillows with me, and that probably made it seem like I wasn’t just out here because I want to be. Why am I carrying these things anyway? I’ve been doing it for a while this way, and it’s not like I’ve ever done anything with them. Maybe I should just leave them behind next time.

Then it’s as if the scenario repeats itself, but with changes. This was a dream from early in the night: I went to bed a little after midnight, and woke up to record everything around 2. Perhaps because of this, even though the setting seems fully realized, the dream is unusually full of sudden shifts - or else I’m unusually aware of them - and I’m also aware at times of other less imagistic mental content taking place simultaneously, influencing the dream from without. This time, there’s a restaurant by the side of the road that I walk past - one that’s clearly still open, as I can see and hear people out on the terraces. As I turn around, I see a man a little ways behind me. He explains that he just happened to be walking the same way, as if he’s reassuring me that he’s not actually some kind of creeper.

The scene shifts. I’m in a hallway full of closed doorways where moving shadows pass by me on their way from one end to the other. A sense of unease. Major liminal space vibes here.

After what feels like a short time, though, the setting changes again. I’m once again outside on a moonlit night, but this place has a different feel to it. Also, I’m now aware that I’m dreaming, although it isn’t clear what led to this realization. There’s still a sense at times of parallel mental content happening, including awareness of a dream plot being imposed, but there are also some short segments where I seem to be imagining how things play out before they actually do.

I walk. It feels somehow more like reality than like a lucid dream - that's how it strikes me at the time, anyway - and I’m fascinated by how detailed the mist looks - little swirls of it are constantly catching the moonlight, especially over a stream I pass by, where it’s thickest. After what feels like a few minutes, I reach a house - my destination. I knock loudly on the garage door, and there’s another sudden change of scene, to where I’m now inside the garage.

Until now, I’ve been following the “plot”. It just feels as if I should somehow. But the setting here has felt so unaccountably somber. There’s a heaviness to the atmosphere that’s getting to be a little oppressive, and by now it’s starting to bug me a little, so I yell out: “It’s-a me, Mario!” As loud as I can.

“Don’t say that,” a voice says from right next to me. “It makes me heartbroken.” I turn to my left and see a man standing beside me.

“Why?” I ask. His answer didn’t quite make sense to me. “Is your name Mario?” But he doesn’t answer me. He is completely absorbed in pouring himself a glass of amber-colored liquid from a bottle into a glass and then drinking it. I take a closer look at him. He’s a fairly young man, white with short, dark-colored hair and wearing a black leather jacket. I briefly wonder whether I modeled him after a character in a gangster movie or something.

The man is on his second glass when the door leading into the house opens. A woman is there, having heard me. She’s been expecting me and beckons for me to come in. I go, inviting the man to follow along as well.

Another sudden shift of scene. We’re sitting in a room, at a square table. Across from me is the woman: we’re talking about something, although I can’t remember any of the details now. Meanwhile the man, seated on the side to my left, seems oblivious to our conversation. His attention is focused on what looks like a primitive electronic toy of a sort that was around in the ‘90s, and maybe later too, but I really have no idea. It’s pastel blue, and it emits all kinds of little bleeps and blips as he presses buttons. He’s apparently trying to type something out but finding it rather hard going. I hear an awful lot of the two-quick-blips sound (I recognize the interval they make as a descending tritone) that indicates he’s using the backspace key.

And then I wake up.


19.12.24

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3 nights and only a flash of a fragment about Jamie...

Can't recall the first night. During the day The Jesus voice indicate that Jamie was getting into something that she shouldn't. The biggest hint is that she was looking at things she shouldn't (IYKYK. I've had struggles with that as well... from time to time).

Lucid but no cigar

I was in a building with some people. couches in a corner. I became lucid but the dream started blacking out. I held on somehow. I said I wanted to go to Jamie's dream. I wound up in a psychedelic tunnel space. I kept floating through it trying to find Jamie. One tunnel just led to another of different colors. I went through 3 or so. Then my memory fades. Kinda felt like I was stuck in the Dr. Who title screen if you know what I mean.

What?

A dream where Kurt Cobain was in the black space. He had a guitar and was strumming it. He sang, "A lemonade alright, No Chick-Fil_A sauce." In a sing song voice. He looked pissed off that he was singing it and walked away.

Funny. I really hope that doesn't get stuck in my head again.

Flash

A flash of Jamie naked with some woman...

Um okay. I really wish I would stop dreaming about that.

I had trouble with the Jamie voice this morning. She said she was stupid? I asked what it was about. I had 4 different Jamie voices give me 4 different answers... I was like, "Well, whatever you did. I'm not finding you in dreams lately and right now the continuity of hearing your voice is breaking down. So maybe give it a rest." Literally hasn't been that bad in months. (I'm not all blaming the lack of dreams on her. I have a tough time recalling things sometimes. It's also very hard to dream about the same thing continuously for such a long time. Might be why I keep seeing Jamie as different people, but I can tell who she is by her behavior) Her voice seemed down today, almost guilty or regretful. I did some early prayers already because she asked.

I’m driving to a grocery store with my mother. Not clear what the context is, as the environment seems entirely unfamiliar. I park the car, and in response to something my mother said, I get her a black cardigan (maybe the wrong name for it - I never know what to call articles of clothing….) that just seems to be kicking around somewhere in the backseat so that she won’t be cold inside. We go in.

We are immediately confronted by almost bare shelves. Uh-oh. Maybe this wasn’t the best day to come here. We might have trouble finding what we’re looking for today. But most of the store isn’t quite that bad.

At some point, we split up. The store seems to be divided into distinct sections, with different kinds of food in each, and I walk through a couple of them before I hear something strange. There’s music playing, but the melody is just one note, played in a rhythm over the changing chords. I see where it’s coming from: it’s something like an arcade game, although it seems to be specifically set up for music creation. Beside it are two women. One is a frail-looking older woman, who I think was in a wheelchair, and the other looks like she may be some kind of medical attendant. She’s the one who’s tapping out the single note over what I gather the older woman has made on the machine, apparently to help out in some way.

How I can tactfully step in and take over, since the attendant obviously has no idea what she’s doing? I can already imagine the melody I’d improvise - a simple one that keeps the rhythm she’s tapping out, but with a better fitting, musical shape. I wake up and immediately record what I remember:



(I put chord indications in, but I’m actually not 100% sure of anything except the cadence. For the rest, I just picked out the simplest chords that would match what I remember of where the repeated note was clashing and what I intended to do to fix it. It’s not all that interesting of a musical fragment, but the simplicity did make it relatively easy to transcribe after awakening.)

16.12.24

I seem to be visiting my parents - maybe over the holidays or something like that. The dream is set late at night, in what is maybe supposed to be their house. It’s a condo that seems very beige and nondescript to the point of not really looking like a place where people live. More like a hotel room or something.

On this day every year, on which everything always happens exactly the same, I can see into the future. It’s all just there for me - the memories of how things will go. I try talking to them about it, my mother in particular, but although it doesn’t seem as if she actively disbelieves what I’m saying, it’s clear that she hasn’t really absorbed it, or considered the implications in any depth. I was talking to my father at some point, too - about being able to see the bad things that will happen to him, and to me as well, but already knowing saying it isn’t actually going to lead to anything. This apparently relates to dreams in a way that’s no longer clear - I actually use the phrase, “this dream I’m having right now” - although, somehow, I manage to do so without it triggering lucidity.

Later in the night, in another dream, I’m in what’s supposed to be my room. I’m digitizing a record - “Tomorrow Never Knows,” by the Beatles. The screen is on some kind of high shelf - too high up for me to be able to read it easily, which I find kind of annoying.

Partway through, my uncle comes in - maybe my uncle. It kind of seems like he’s my father in the dream, or some kind of half-invented composite figure. A number of people follow him in - seven or eight of them. They are apparently family, but also people I haven’t known for long, as if they’re in-laws or something of the sort. They are mostly male, and younger - the exception being the eldest of them, a teenage girl who comes in holding a small child.

My uncle apparently had something to tell me, and leaves after saying it. I’m surprised he didn’t take any notice of the device I have set up. It was his, after all - he just gave it to me because he wasn’t doing anything with it. The others all stick around, though, as if they’re curious and just don’t have anything better to do than watch what I’m doing.

9.12.24

Last night had lots of dreams. not sure if I'm remembering them all. New Dexter series on paramount+ . Loved the first episode, Use to watch the Original with my cousin who passed a few years ago.

Jamie 1

An HH flash of me walking in bowden at night. Jamie drives past me while looking at me. She smiles.

The voice get's all excited when I woke up. "I saw you." She said. Note: when I see her in a Real life "Drive by." Her voice will often say, "I saw you!"

Jamie 2

Another HH flash We're in the plack space. Jamie brings me a box of doughnuts.

Yup. I agree. Best way to keep me from getting Hangry and splitting is to brings snacks. (No dried fruit or anything. Pure chocolate and sugar junk is good.)

Wrong girlfriend

I walked past Jessica in a dream. for some reason I thought she was Jamie. I acted all friendly but the girl wasn't having it. She said something like, "I didn't do anything with you because you didn't take any initiative."

I woke up and asked the Jamie voice about the dream. She said that wasn't her in the dream. As for the initiative thing, we've already covered that - I'm just dense, and can't tell if any flirting is serious or not, leaving me to usually shrug any hints off or miss them altogether. Direct approach is what works best on me.

Jamie confusion?

I was in a flying car... might have been semi lucid at one point. I had a phone or tablet display in the middle of the dashboard. It was a message from Jamie? but it said: Joanne. I landed at the house. got out. A girl that looked like Jamie started kissing me. We started really getting into it... like really getting into it. In the back of my ming I couldn't get the name: Joanne out of my mind. I still wasn't sure if this was Jamie. The Jamie voice in my head said, "Robert..." as if to ask WTF I was doing. We kept kissing.

I checked with the voice when awake. Apperently Jamie remembered kissing too. Not sure what happened there.

Driving

A dream where I was driving a motorbike in calgary. My brother was there or something. I went to Crowchild, but it was these big hills... and it was snowing. I was really nervous to drive it.