non-lucid

Morning of June 27, 2016. Monday.



I am with my wife Zsuzsanna and our children as we are now. For some reason, we are sitting in the shed which seems to be our present shed from where we live now though also seems at one point to be the shed on Loomis Street. The people in the Loomis Street house are strangers, it seems (though I only hear them talking at one point). This highly unlikely scene (of sitting around in a shed of someone we do not know, though perhaps they do not even know we are out here) does not seem unusual to me. I am seated on the floor opposite the door though Zsuzsanna is seated on an armchair to the right of the door (my viewpoint), which is open. Our children are near the wall that is perpendicular to the door.

Eventually, as I am talking to Zsuzsanna, I get an absentminded idea to say “Judy”, the name of Zsuzsanna’s sister. I say it in a strange way as if making fun of her even though she is not present. However, as I say her name, I am aware she is actually approaching the shed door. She comes in looking despondent. I say, “oh sorry did I scare you?” (and by this I mean saying her name in a weird way just as she was reaching the door) and she nods. It is almost as if saying her name just made her appear in the backyard but I do not really reflect on this much.

I soon notice, before she sits down to Zsuzsanna’s right (my left) across from me, that she seems to have an axe in the back of her head. This of course is odd because I doubt she would be walking around if such was the case but the imagery changes a bit. After a short time, I realize she is carrying an axe over her left ear like some people do with a pencil, pen, or cigarette. (This of course is ridiculous and impossible but seems possible in my dream.) Seeing her wearing an axe on the side of her head makes me wary as her emotional state makes me uncomfortable. As she sits down, I briefly stand up and reach out and say “Here, let me get that for you…” (pretending to be cordial rather than expressing that I think she is prone to be a threat) and take the axe off her ear and put it behind me to my left where I know where it is (in case she suddenly becomes angry). The axe is of normal size though the handle has a very slight S-shaped curve to it. (Again, it is absurd to think someone could wear an axe over their ear like a pencil but such is the way with dreams.)

I make sure the axe is close to me so she cannot suddenly get to it but she remains seated where she is across from me. Behind me to my left, where the axe remains on the floor, is a feature that resembles an NBN cabinet. I do not take notice to that unlikely feature either.

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Layer One (Native Meanings): A shed is a common liminal space setting relevant to dreaming and waking symbolism. This is because it is a place where one may “store memories” without remaining there, a direct reference to the unconscious and being in the dream state. Judy as the personified preconscious is typically displaying a “not going to listen” metaphor, as the axe over her left ear represents a potential “cutting off” of listening to the temporary dream self identity. There are two distinct possibilities for this main dynamic of the preconscious but I presently believe that it may be an indication that unconscious access is no longer viable during the waking transition. However, it may also be that the preconscious is blocking additional threads of conscious self identity from the personified subconscious (dream self), to prevent sustained lucidity or transpersonal links (possibly for biological reasons). (A much simpler explanation is because the dreamer is asleep and thus the preconscious cannot hear the outside world that clearly.) The symbolism is validated by my non-lucid dream self placing the axe (from Judy’s left to my left) near the NBN cabinet, which also represents listening and communication (via Internet and telephone lines). This is probably because my dream self did not want a violent confrontation with the preconscious (and it also physically decreased the energy of the waking jolt).

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Layer Two (Probable Conscious Self Associations): Judy as the preconscious is associated with her not listening to important advice and information from people, especially in how people take advantage of her.

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Layer Three (Precognitive Function): We did not see Judy for a much longer time period than usual after this dream.

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A strange dream caused by turning on TV by someone in the morning (I often dream about anything I hear during sleeping).

I was in my house, in my room. It was late evening, two sisters with mother were tidying my room. There was a TV turned on, someone talking about a brexit and all that political nonsense. I wandered around the house - it still looked like it was before renovation, as if nothing really changed. I went to another room and saw mother again, and few more people too. They were brother's pals that work abroad, first they talked about their works and then they went for politics. I left the room and found myself in a swampy area near a river. Someone was talking about a touristical attraction of that place.

Bed: 23.00
Wake up: 07.00
Now: 07.20

Table
I'm in a house. There's a long, rectangular table, with I guess about 10 people sitting at it. There's my best friend, with her brother and father. There's Tina. And then some others I'm not sure about. At one point I make a comment to my best friend about people not sitting in their seats or something. She tells her dad and brother, who immediately go back to their seats. I ask her if she realises that I was joking. Next thing I'm suddenly online with whatever device, sending a message to her dad who is in America. I make a joke about not wanting my friend to be pushed off the sidewalk. He doesn't get it. The profile picture he uses is off a Repsol bike.

Home
I'm back in the Netherlands for just two weeks. I've ridden a bus to some station. My mom's boyfriend is there. We talk very briefly and then I walk away with.. my mom? And grandma? We walk in the direction of a big building, of which I'm not sure what it is. It's a new building, because I've never seen it before. It looks very old though. It's impressive.

Ex and bags
I'm with my first ex girlfriend. It's as if we're still together. We're in bed together I guess. I'm working on getting her horny, with success. She is on her period though. She shows this by using some weird.. I don't know what it is. A rectangular pill box for her birth control. The thing becomes red if she's on her period. Dirty, glowing, bloody red. There seems to be actual liquid inside. She's hoping that we'll still have sex. Nope! I on the other hand am hoping that at least I'll get lucky somehow. Nope again.

I'm in the back of a car with her. We're driving in Amsterdam. There's a blanket partially covering us and she makes use of it to reach down to my crotch. She's not very proficient at being sneaky. Luckily there is no driver and the rearview mirror has not been adjusted for the person in the passenger seat to see what's going on. The car is driving a bit though. Eventually I need to get out. I take my bag with me. Then the car starts to drive off. My mom's doing. I get very annoyed as there is still a bag or 2 in the trunk which I want to take with me. Eventually I get the opportunity for this. There's my big backpack and then there's another one. I consider for a moment which bag I'll really need. I'm gonna see my mom soon, right?

Modelling
I'm seeing a WhatsApp conversation on my friend Fi's phone. She's talking to D, the guy who has hired me to model for him. He's annoyed because he thinks I only look internet pretty and not real life pretty, as if my online photo's have been photoshopped. I consider for a moment that it doesn't matter at all, as he'll likely photoshop my pictures anyway.

Non-lucids only but so erratic that I couldn't write even 1 down. Meesha Cat just keeps waking me up over & over all night. Sigh. I'm exhausted so maybe tonight will be better. I think I have to get up early though cuz I'm supposed to watch the grand kids while my daughter goes to an appointment.

Waiting tables, in the weeds. I had to take ashtrays to outside tables to switch out
and I put a bunch of tiny (dirty) ashtrays in my mouth so I could have room to hold other things in my hands. Realized this was gross and removed them, but I think a customer or two saw me.

With an ex (EB) and I was miserable, told him that he needed to move out and he said he wouldn’t but I was determined to get away from him.

Then the situation became a girl that wanted to blackmail me, and she wouldn’t leave unless I gave her money. I can’t remember what she thought she had on me. I kept telling her to move back home, which I think was Florida.

I had a different partner, and even though we were on the verge of ending things, his mother was trying to help me make the girl leave. I was thinking about moving, maybe we were ending things because of this. I remember looking at a map of his mom’s house, the key had the textures of the floors of each room.

Partner and I discussed him throwing a bday party for me, to let friends now I wouldn’t be around for a while. He decided to buy them all tickets to a concert instead of a party. I thought this was weird. (But I guess it’s weird that he would be throwing a party for me that I wouldn’t even be attending.)

Thoughts:
I hate these old ex dreams.

26.06.2016

(Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I was in a mall in San Diego, in some kind of race. I was running as fast as I could and I noticed Diego G. running beside me. We were debating on the existance of god and went into a bookstore; we grabbed an encyclopedia and read an exerpt on god (it was more like I stared at the paper and the information just came to me). We kept running and eventually arrived at the beach. I had rented two foam-top boards and I went into the water. My brother and Julio were with me. We kept getting swept north along the shore by the current. There were floating shops everywhere, it was like a small town on the water; the shops were all colorfull, like bright red, yellow, teal blue. We ended up next to a cliff with waves breaking against it. I checked my backpack to make sure my GoPro was in there. I looked towards the shore and saw a plane taking off; the plane had a big patio attached to it and I assumed it was for passengers once they were stable up in the air. I gave one board to Julio and the other one to my brother. They tried to catch a wave that was coming in. My brother stood up no problem, Julio stayed laying on top of the board as he grabbed the wave and at the shore he crashed into a little girl, but the impact was not too strong. The little girl's father turned around and punched Julio saying "Watch out idiot". I realized we were in the swimming only zone, so we got out and walked south towards the surfing only zone. We had to go through a building and pay $4.00; on the other side we could see the checkered yellow and black flag indicaitng the start of the surifng zone. A blond lifeguard was laying on the sand sun-tanning. There was a huge metal structure on the beach that had a big TV. It was playing an episode of Vikings merged with Game of Thrones. There was a fight in a big amphitheatre between a Viking and an Unsullied. The Viking slashed the Unsullied's throat and a stream of blood started flowing out, he dropped dead. Among the spectators were Ser Davos, Sansa, and Melisandre. The Viking started mocking Melisandre by asking the Lord of Light to bring the Unsullied back to life; it back fired by actually working, and the Unsullied drove his spear through the Viking's eye.

Morning of June 26, 2016. Sunday.



My wife Zsuzsanna and I, about ten years younger, are sitting on a couch in an unknown residence which is implied to be our home. (My dream self does not perceive it as unfamiliar.) We are watching “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet” on our television. I notice colors in certain parts of the otherwise black-and-white show, which puzzles me.

Holding Zsuzsanna’s hand as we get up, with her accompanying me on my left, we walk up to our television. We continue to watch the show, but the screen seems unrealistically large. To the left is Harriet Nelson in her kitchen. I am aware of Ozzie Nelson in at least two scenes. There is also an unknown teenage female who is in one scene.

I start pointing out the different colors in a few different locations even though much of the imagery still seems to be in black-and-white. The curtains seem to have somewhat of an orange tint and at this point, we are looking through an actual doorway and to the left, where the curtains are unrealistically implied to be beyond our side of the wall, covering windows which are somehow not on our side of the wall. I tell Zsuzsanna how I do not think the colorizing is very good as it seems to make the scene look less realistic. I continue to converse with Zsuzsanna as we are now seemingly looking through the doorway of an area of their house, or rather, are now somehow present on the television studio set. Soon, most of the setting is in color.

I notice a man standing to our right on the other side of the doorway, in shadow and unrealistically tall. I acknowledge him politely, thinking he is Ricky Nelson, even pointing him out to Zsuzsanna as such, but he seems annoyed after watching us for a short time. He is David Boreanaz, as he appeared in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel”. I realize that we have disrupted the filming or live broadcast of a television show that was meant to copy “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet” but without anyone knowing it was a copy or even referencing the older show.

I apologize to him. Zsuzsanna and I walk away from the doorway into the semidarkness of a featureless room (which means we had teleported as it is no longer our lounge room). He comes out from a different doorway about ten feet to the right of the one we had been in. I continue to apologize for having disrupted the episode. He seems very tall and imposing but I do not feel threatened. “There are no cell phones here,” he informs us, sounding slightly frustrated but not very emotional, and I tell him we are not carrying cell phones.

I tell him that he should play Ozzie Nelson, as he looks just like him. I try to sound respectful, but he seems annoyed by my remark. He probably wants to get back to his work, as it may be live and consequently may need to include an improvised explanation for our disruption to its continuity. I again consider that they may not want viewers to know what television show they are copying even though it seemed we were watching the original show at first (before we apparently teleported to the set). My dream fades as I continue to tell him how he should play Ozzie Nelson (even though that may be who he was meant to be impersonating rather than Ricky Nelson when I had first seen him in the doorway).

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This dream journal entry and supplementation was optimized for conciseness and clarity on Saturday, 5 August 2017. Thank you very much for your encouraging emails.

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There was a thread of prescience, as Zsuzsanna had started to check out the “Angel” series from the library without first telling me (and she had not read my entry at the time). This follows the general rule of me continuously having dreams about something which had been on her mind without her having told me.

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I had originally theorized that “there are no cell phones here” was in reference to the preconscious not typically being a viable vessel of communication, as its primary purpose is to bring the dreamer out of the dream. However, I now realize what the reference may likely be and I cannot believe I did not catch it. Although the waking transition began with doorway waking symbolism, it did not serve to wake me but instead deeply vivified my dream self’s awareness in this case. Still, my dream continued to resolve with the most common form of waking symbolism, return flight. Even though we were in a featureless room of a television studio in the last scene as it transmuted into liminal space, I only now consider that it was a reference to “no cell phones on flights” (and yes, that is a significant gaffe on my part).

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I found it amazing how my dream’s dimensionality was so vivid yet so skewed, where the wall on the other side of the doorway immediately to our left somehow goes back beyond our side of the wall as well as having windows on that side and not on our side, which would be impossible in reality even by deliberately tricky perspective.

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In real life, I never thought of David Boreanaz as looking like Ozzie Nelson even though I now see a resemblance.

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Zsuzsanna and I have never watched “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet” together but we have watched “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Angel”, and “Bones”.

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yeah so this one was a few days ago i was at my high school and i met tihs older woman who was talking about the band she was in asking alexandria now that i think about it that is totally not correct thre are no females in asking alexandria but she started talking to me about her son she kept saying that he would like me and that we should meet so we did .....this guy omg he was crazy and wild and attractive and the type of guy i go after just perfect we had a stimulating conversatin about things we liked and disliked and we agreed on a lot it was crazy but i really liked him the dream jumped and i t was the next day he greeted me with a kiss ad a hug and he wrapped me up in his red and black jacket man i was mad i woke up that guy was a keeper

I recall a fragment. It was close to a midnight. I took a shower and went out of bathroom, meeting my mother on the hallway. She said that I should be aware of huge thunderstorm coming.

5:15 I'm battling monsters, Orcs Must Die style. I'm fighting fire monsters and ice monsters. I'm able to cast a 'death hex'. I do this when I'm fighting many flying jellies. The UI turns purple and everything becomes very crazy looking. When I cast the death hex the monsters counteract and cast their own version of the hex, summoning a wraith.

Later in the night. I'm in a huge house. We(?) are planning to rent it. It's good for climbing, so I climb all over it, exploring every part of it. The house seems all open plan and doesn't seem to have doors. I think it's possible to have a view in most rooms from outside of them. Some women come in after a while to have a look at the house. I'm on the very top of the house climbing on some platforms. After a while we decide not to rent the house and go outside. I see the house's exterior. It seems quite normal and uninteresting.

8:59 DILD I'm drifting in and out of consciousness and decide to become present. A bar comes into sharp focus. Wow, it feels like this is actually my reality, but I realise I'm dreaming. I'm aware of my surroundings -- I'm sat on a leather sofa in a dimly lit bar with some drink in front of me on a coffee table. I'm peripherally aware of my friends somewhere to the right by some stools. I think about manifesting a girl next to me but I start becoming aware of my real body in bed. The dreams fades quickly. I try to hold on by visualising the bar, but I've lost it and I'm back in bed.

Bed: ~00.30
Wake up: 07.50
Now: 08.00


I'm at a cafe up in the hills of my city in Indonesia, together with my friend Ray. We decide to leave. He leaves just minutes, perhaps seconds before I do. We're using our motors. He took my helmet and left before I even arrived at my motor. Guess I'll just do without. I start driving, but notice a team of police officers not too far down the street. Damn. Ray's house is pretty much straight down and then a left. I don't want to risk getting caught by police. I stop by the side of the road and get out my phone. I look at Google Maps for an alternative route. There is one a bit east, but it looks like a major detour. In actual kilometres it's not that much of a difference, but judging from the size of the road, it's probably not well maintained, meaning I got to go slow. I weigh my options for a bit and then decide that I do not want to run the risk of getting caught.

I end up at a place that looks like a big mall in the Netherlands. I totally messed up the directions, but somehow didn't do too bad. I didn't come out where I expected to, but whatever. I'm talking to a guy from Africa, while walking towards the train station. He's just new and wants to do an internship and is looking for advice. The people at his intended office are not very response. I explain my experiences with an internship to him. In the mean time I notice that we've walked the wrong way and we trace back to go to the right place to enter the station. One of us is holding a bicycle. I think it's me.

Fragment from over night- I am in the car talking about creating things in the world via manifestation. The car is parked at a restaurant near the house I grew up in, but the restaurant has been closed in waking life for a long time and was actually torn down a month or so ago for road expansion.

Nap Fragments:

Fragment One- I am walking with a small child, maybe 3 or 4 years old, through some grass and woods. I tell the child to watch his step because he doesn't want to step on a copperhead or anything. As soon as I say that, the child runs forwards giggling, not watching his step, and gets bit by a copperhead. I pick him up and rush to my car, letting one of the girls I work with (we'll call her K) know that I am taking him to the hospital and why. I think he may be her son?

Fragment Two- My boyfriend and I are at some sort of car show. A guy I work with, S, is there with his car too. It's not for any particular type of vehicle though, and there are some really crazy looking themed cars with weird names like "the golden god" and "beast mobile". All the cars are parked side by side like ||||| but some announcer calls out the name of each car going down the line and when your car's name is called you back out of the line for everyone to see, then park at a diagonal like \\\\\ When it is our turn, we park super close to the straight car on our left and worry that they may hit us on their back out. they don't but they have to pull in super close to the car on their other side, and it starts a domino effect making us worry more with each car that someone is going to hit someone else's car down the line.

Created Saturday 25 June 2016

Guess I've gone long enough without posting here, and for silly enough reasons at times. Anyway, there were about five dreams I remembered today, but I only know of fragments for all but the last one.

Scrap Group 1
Me and some of my siblings were cruising through the highways at daytime. We reached a cityscape, only to get lost in its streets.

Something about an old friend visiting?

I imitate Mortal Kombat's Quan Chi, bringing forth a group of glowing green skeletons from the ground while cackling (like so). My brother, Fred, questions the type of helmets and armor worn by the undead. Someone else complained that this armor made the skeletons overpowered.

I'm in the vast interior of an office building or somesuch, keeping to the lobby to either wait for someone, or just not to get lost. I soon had to use the bathroom, and go to a short hallway to find it. Industrial curtains concealed most of the openings, which I assumed meant the area was off limits. And yet, on peeking through the blinds, I did indeed find some public restroom entrances.

I'm in a big classroom, a science class, I thought. The teacher, a short, dark skinned middle aged woman, is collecting homework. I realized I didn't even start on it. Furthermore, it was a very simple assignment, more a short questionnaire than anything relevant to the class. There goes an easy 'A'. I then seat myself on a high chair in the middle of the class, barely minding that I had no surface to write on. Pretty sure this dream transitions into, or at least influenced, what comes next.


Dream 1 - Post-Human

The visuals were a bit blurred. I was in a lounge, a place constructed of dark wood. Several other people were in the area, each wearing corporate casual attire, and seating themselves on reddish-brown couches in the area. We were scientists, geneticists and gene engineers, mostly. Our specialty was human cloning, and we've advanced enough to grow subjects of almost any age, yet by that point, such technology wasn't at all novel. Instead, our interests were in memory enhancement at creation, but short funding drove that project to a standstill.

Nothing of interest at first, just a group of bored people sulking quietly. Eventually, a pale, brown haired little girl in a white robe appeared. Clearly, one of the subjects for the memory experiments. She previously showed no conclusive results, and so, was contained until future transfer for rehabilitation and, eventually, adoption. Her early presence and mobility was unexpected, but such a thing wasn't unheard of. A few others slowly reacted to recontain her.

Just then, the girl spoke, talking of various specifics in our tests. This was surprising, but it could have just been mimicry. The subject walked to a cabinet, where she pulled out stray phials of chemicals. and quickly mixed and applied a concoction onto herself. Through some fog, her form changed, the least of which was her being about 18 - 20 years of age. More pronounced was her new size, easily 15ft tall, and her being composed of innumerous, floating, gleaming glass-like shards.

Me and the others stood dumbstruck, though one man remained incredulous, doubting this form's durability and stability. This annoyed the subject, who stamped off towards the nearest exit. With a precise, powerful kick, she sends the door flying off its hinges. The others speak uninhibitedly, saying stuff about matter manipulation and instant knowledge of martial arts.

The glass-girl leaves to some hallways, the scientists flocking towards her with endless queries, her answers laconic and distant in tone. I followed as well, but kept my distance, and to myself. I mentally questioned the consequences, and above all, ethicality, in all this.

In time, the subject squeezed herself into another room. Before anyone else followed, another fellow spoke of similar concerns to mine. Everyone froze to contemplate. Maybe they too realized the implications. Well, except for one man, who placidly expressed his achieving his life work: the creation of a transhuman. Outrage sparked, and the scientists bickered amongst one another. I alone stepped forth to question this new creation.

Now, I was in a wide space constructed of blue metal. There, the "transhuman" was seated hands down and a knee up on the floor, lost in thought. She stares harshly at me, though this softens to a mix of regret and longing. I sensed she already knew what I'd say. Through much stammering, I ask on her concerns, if any, of humanity and morality, though the forward, confused manner in which I did so made me feel foolish.

The glass-shard being remained silent. She leaned closer to me, and outstretched her hand to my eyes. This reformed into a curious, maze-like symbol, the walls indented black. As I followed the pattern, blue liquid filled in the transparent lines from top to bottom. One wider section contained the substance in such a way so as to keep some empty space.

Things get hazy, caused by some distracting media comparisons. This had to do with the water physics of Dwarf Fortress and Terraria, of all things. Not sure what else happened until the dream ended. After recalling this dream, I realized the strange woman was no transhuman. She was a post-human.

Bedtime:
10:30pm
Wakeup:
5:30am

Didn't end up falling asleep until after 11:30, so didn't get a full 8 hours last night.

Dream 1 (fragment):
I was in a mini van listening to a CD I got from the library, it was all Beatles music. This is the 2nd time I've listened to the Beatles in my dreams lately, I think it's because I watched the Anthology documentary recently. Anyways, my old dog Stormy was there again (2nd time this week!) she left a big muddy pawprint on the seat when she jumped out of the van, but I didn't mind because I was so excited to see her!

Dream 2:
I had to go back to my high school (dreamsign!) for some sort of meeting, though I was vague on the details. All I knew was that if we didn't go, our diplomas would not actually be valid. It ended up being a movie night, we were watching "Space Jam 3" which I don't think exists in WL, but anyways, I was there with my friend Laura and I realized my hair was really long on the top and really curly. I remember looking in the mirror very excitedly because I've always wanted curly hair. By the end of this movie, I remember saying "is this really all the wanted us here for? This is a requirement for us to get our diplomas, but really it's just to get us to buy stuff" I don't actually remember buying anything, but that's how I was feeling, apparently. Once we were released, I ran through the hallway to get back to my apartment, but i had a textbook in a backpack I was wearing and it was really slowing me down. Running took a lot of effort, the bag was SO heavy, even though there was only one book. I remember thinking "wow, I've really gotten out of shape since I graduated high school," but really it's because I was DREAMING, should have done an RC... anyways, I was running so hard and getting so sweaty, that by the time I got back to my room, my hair was all wet and it was straight again. It also looked like my hair was thinning a lot on the top, I barely had any left.
I got back to my room to find my three roommates (none of them are my WL roommate) who were all in my graduating class, and they were working out. Our apartment was a gym, and my bed was just a couch on the side. Then i had this fake dream memory where I remembered my WL roommate was just letting me crash with her because I hated my real living situation. I decided I would go back and stay with her, because I had a real bed and room to myself.
The dream ended where I was driving to get something from walgreens. I almost walked, but the sun was starting to set and I didn't want to walk in the dark. Before I even arrived at walgreens, I noticed it was pitch black outisde. "wow," I thought, "It really did get dark quickly, good thing I drove,"

I feel like this whole dream I was noticing the strange inconsistencies, but didn't once think to try and RC! Before I went to bed, I was really focusing on doing a RC when I saw a dreamsign, but it looks like it didn't work, though the fact that I was noticing anything at all is a step in the right direction, I think!!

I'm about to take an afternoon nap... I'm hoping for a LD

My brother and I were going to road trip all the way to los angeles. We had to pick a car, and for some reason we were in the same school, and the school was going to pay for the car. We went to a massive car lot that had everything from lamborghinis to mopeds but we took so long to choose we were kicked out. Too bad.