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Last night – bed around 8pm.

2:18 – 2x300 GPC, back to bed
3:30 – up for WBTB
3:58 – 2x4 GM and sofa



DREAMS before 2:18
DREAM 1
There is a flood. Whole area is covered with deep, almost white water. Only tops of trees are sticking out. I see some monkeys trying to hold on. For some reason I need to get to the other side. I am on a small sandbar that’s not even visible, but I’m standing on it. I want to start swimming across but the waves are getting bigger and bigger, about 5 feet above my head. I turn back but the waves are carrying me. Somehow I made it back and now there are 2 upturned boats caught on the sandbar. I turn over the smaller one, a canoe and I’m glad that the oar is there. I get in and start to paddle. A really huge, tsunami like wave is cresting over so I grab the boat and dive under the wave, kicking furiously to make it back to the surface.




DREAM 2
I’m visiting someone in the suburbs. Single story houses, all similar. Nice working class neighborhood. Their neighbor is a guy from my store, T, who we don’t get along. But I don’t care. We go out to some school fundraising action. They are serving us food at the table. First course is a meatball with something. I taste it but leave the rest on the plate. A russian waitress yell at me why I started if I didn’t finish it, someone else could have had it. I’m telling others that I had meatballs with more onions and I liked them a bit, with less onions and I liked them more, but these, I didnt like. We all agreed there was something powdery or dry in them that was bad.




AFTER 2:18
Visiting another people, this time from WL. Guy is telling me his plan – going to Pittsburgh. I ask: “a game”? He says no, Target. He calls it that, because of poor neighborhood. Mentions german store and I go off on history of our beer and how it was good then but now its really good.




SOFA 3:58



I’m in a middle of transitioning when my cat jumps on me. Then jumps off again when I get to transition again. I hear the 5am chime. Wake up from below experience at 5:28am



FIRST TRANSITION
I start seeing a TV screen. Black and white female face with big lips, moving. I kiss it and it kisses me back when I will it to do so.



I stand up and walk out to the balcony. I think “oh wow, this is my childhood home, my room’s balcony.” There are wires for drying laundry and for a second I stop to ponder if I should jump over or go under. I go under and climb up on the rail. I squat down. I take a moment to realize, that I’m feeling and seeing everything in great detail. I have only a T-shirt on and I feel my hair blow in the breeze. I feel so free and happy.
I gently jump down. Incredible roller coaster feeling in my stomach makes me giddy and even more happy. Gosh, I missed this so much. I’m starting to think that I will hit the ground, but I slowly take flight. I notice with amusement that I’m again in my flying lazy boy position. As if sitting on the lazy boy, legs in front of me, slightly bent, flying feet first. I’m so happy. I think go higher and I do. I think go over the roof, and I do. I see a beautiful, clear moon in the distance with 3 stars near it. For a second I debate if I should go there today, but I decide not to.




Cat got me out of this LD.



I’m back on the sofa. I get this sensation of extreme acceleration. My head is buzzing like crazy and it’s so intense, I’m starting to worry a bit. I don’t know how to enter a LD from this type of transition. I tilt my head down, pushing it to the pillow so I change direction of flying. It’s so intense, twice I tell myself “I’m not scared”. After second transition, I see a nose illuminated, but nothing else. I will it to become brighter, but it doesn’t work. Another transition, and this one is the most intense. I try to think to get my dream body out of my via my head into OBE or AP.



5 am clock chime.



I’m laying on the floor in a large room. Like a school gymnasium. My cat is sitting on me. I don’t know what to do. I notice slight movement when I breath, so I try to amplify it. Now I’m moving couple feet to the front and back with each inhale and exhale. It’s an amazing feeling.



I realize I could probably stand up. I do it and I walk outside. I see a grapefruit tree. No, it’s a pomelo, I correct myself. I want to pick one of the huge, green fruits, but the branches are too soft and delicate and I don’t want to break them. I touch them and the trunk of the tree and it’s very sponge like.



I keep walking and come to a ridge. Moon is high up and it’s quite bright. Below me is a witch all in black, returning to her hut. I’m not scared, but I want to change her anyway. I keep saying “good princess, good princess”. But she is not changing.
Got up at 5:28 to write this up, then went back to sleep some more.



NONLUCID
I’m being chased. Lots of streets, warehouses, buildings, rooms. Windows are boarded up. I start to tear it down, finding a hole and getting out. Guards are patrolling outside.

4 Mini Wilds ✨
Just wrote all all out and it was deleted so this version will be shorter. Went to bed around 10 PM after being on DV. Took small amount of melatonin to help me drift off and 100 B. Said mantra's as I fell asleep.✨ Listened to Gateway to Inner self a bit today too - it's great!

Had a row for Wild's albite brief ones
I did wbtb from 3.30am to 4.15am and massage to my back and said mantra's - I set up the bed. I put on the fan and earplugs and I mask.

I lay back down for a long while because of the comfy bed and the massage I was able to stay still for long time with no problem - Dreamlets passed and spasms jogged my foot and other parts of my body - sleep to my body came Finally.

The first wild was happening- I was drifting off and a dream came ...in the darkness I walked up a dark road to the side of the road a figure came to greet me with palms together in a bow. I suddenly felt my body separate away from my body in the bed - i love that feeling ✨and I know i am Dreaming.

"I'm dreaming" I called out happily and knowing I had just come from a Wild dive I was a bit giddy then I called out "next level now" then I called out "higher self now" ( these are from William Buhlman's book but I should have given myself some more time to settle in to the LD

I believe this was all a bit too much too soon and I found myself back on my body

Laid still - letting things come and go ....some time later dreamlets were entering my awareness again✨
I started to make sense of the visions and felt I was standing next to a moving train ...I throw my heavy bag up onto the train and then managed to jump up myself just as the train was picking up speed and moving off into the open track. I was on the last carriage and looked back at the terrain I had just jumped away from - it was a beautiful place
" it's India - how Wonderfull " I cried out happily " I am so happy to see you again!"
Oh - the sky is a beautiful blue and I feel it's a wonderful place to be in my lucid dream world✨

I am back in my bed after feeling the shift come on...I lay still and waited once more

The next was a dreamlet recognition again - in the darkness I can make some shadows out - there is me and 2 others - I am very aware that I am transitioning into a dream so need to act carefully and with ease...I shoot the dangerous robot guy with some metal discs and he starts to disintegrate - I move towards the other person as an attempt to get the Lucid dream going ... I grapple about in the dark about and am back in my body...

The next was myself in a dark room with 2 others - Little David and Daniel...Daniel says under his breath that David is a child and I see David is hurt. I say to Daniel
" You should be respectful towards people as they are to you"
He laughs as I walk out.

I very badly wanted to carry on but had to get up - tomorrow I return !

4 successfull wild Dives - i spose they could have been deild's but i cannot be sure as it felt like some time between each re- entering ...not quickly.
I am happy with my awareness during the dives as being present and able to respond to the dreamlets is something I very much wish to work on more and more ...yay " It's happening !" - I feel good progress in being made after about one year of pretty steady work ... My LD number is now 110 - mostly Dild/Mild's

Ritual: wtb 1am, woke 5:45am, wbtb about an hour, take supplements (piracetam, bacopa, choline, alpha-gpc, l-theanine), lay on back, doze off, turn to side, woke 8am to record dream.

DEILD: I half-wake from an unremarkable NLD and realize I can DEILD. As I transition I can distinctly hear a woman's voice speaking, though she wasn't saying anything memorable. After a while I hear a new voice a man responding, and figure this is a good sign, suggesting that the hynagogic state is deepening toward dream. As soon as I feel like I am fully transitioned, I get out of bed. I remember the task I had intended: the storm TOTM. I go outside, intending to summon it, but the dream does not yet feel stabilized and my surroundings become vague. I retransition and realize that there's no reason I should feel constrained by concepts like "inside" and "outside," and decide to summon the storm from right in my bedroom. I look up at the ceiling and it becomes transparent, so that I can see the sky overhead. It is half-lit, with faint stars and gauzy clouds: I will the clouds to thicken and darken.

After another spell of vagueness, maybe a retransition, I go back outside to see if there is evidence of a storm yet. It is working! There is a patch of very heavy dark clouds overhead. It it not yet a full-blown storm so I work on it a little more. I raise my hands and shout, "Wind!" I am modeling this on the scene from the film Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) where he conjures the clouds so it will get dark faster. I decide to add a little more panache: "WIND AND FIRE!" I yell, still gesticulating at the sky. The clouds are roiling and I do see patches of fire, so when it is sufficiently apocalyptic, I fly directly up into the cloudbank.

The effect is disappointing: I have no real sensory impressions apart from sight, and the visibility is very poor. It is hard to distinguish the greyness inside the clouds from the greyness of unformed dream, except that I notice that the fire has coalesced into vaguely anthropomorphic forms that resemble elementals or demons. Although they are distant and none moves to threaten me, I feel vaguely anxious and start singing to reassure myself. The dream destabilizes and I retransition.

I go outside again, and find myself on a slightly elevated walkway; just below is a middle-aged white guy who seems to be gardening. He looks up at me and says with an air of disappointment: "You can do better than this." I feel as though he is chastising me for summoning the storm, and feel a pang of guilt, although there is no rational basis for this. After entering a building, I look down and notice that I am carrying a phone. It is not a contemporary model but resembles those old Nokias with the small monochrome screens that can render text but not graphics. Distinctly legible on the screen is the word: "SmarKu," a mix of lower-case and capital letters as though it were abbreviated from something. The word intrigues me, so I ask:

"SmarKu, what are you?"

"A phone," it answers simply.

Well, duh. I try rephrasing my question, "I mean, what do you represent?"

"..."

Since the phone seems confused or reluctant to answer, I finally resort to a term I dislike, speaking forcefully for emphasis: "What do you symbolize?"

"A pimp and a whore," retorts the phone with an edge of sarcasm.

I can't help but laugh at the inexplicable rudeness of the reply. What is this, a dream version of Tourette's syndrome?

I retransition and go back outside, running across two gentlemen having a heated discussion. I find their conversation boring and don't make any particular effort to remember it, but this reminds me of the thread (I think it was last month's TOTM) where we were discussing the fact that it feels different to "think" something in a dream versus saying it "aloud," even though it is hard to conceptualize the difference. To test this principle, I comment inwardly on how dull their conversation is, and pay attention to how this manifests. I do not "hear" the words with my dream ears, nor do I seem to "speak" them in my dream voice, so it feels no different from thinking something in waking life. I walk over to them and think it directly in their presence, to see if they will respond: "How dully, sir!" (In retrospect it seems like an odd turn of phrase, but it felt natural at the time.) They do not react to me, so it still feels like a private thought. I decide to try a little experiment: I silently will one of the DCs to say these words aloud for me. Without a moment's hesitation, he pipes up to his companion: "How dully, sir!"

This was so successful that I'm encouraged to try again with the second guy. Mischievously, I select the same words that the SmarKu used earlier. Sure enough, the guy says out of nowhere, "A pimp and a whore." At this point I go right up to him and ask, "What do you mean by that?" I expect him to be confused or uncertain about why he said it, but instead he starts explaining himself. This is really unexpected: he is taking responsibility for the phrase as though saying it were his own idea! All I could think was... so DCs rely on dream logic? I... guess that makes sense.

There is a destabilization, and before my eyes I watch the environment fluctuate from brilliant light and clarity to hazy vagueness. I suspect this is due to my own lack of mental focus, slipping too close to wakefulness again, and I tell myself that I don't have to wake up if I don't want to. Back in my bedroom, I maintain dreamstate through a rough patch by singing again and focusing on sensual impressions. As I sing, it feels like my voice is joined by invisible others, singing with me in harmony. This reminds me of my lucid dare—from last year—which I've never quite completed to my satisfaction.

I go back outside, willing it to be stable. I frame my arms around empty air as though around an unseen person and dance, hoping the invisible owner of one of the voices will manifest. No such luck. I notice a DC standing nearby, a middle-aged black man, and ask him, "Have you seen an elf around here?"

"Yes," he replies. Okay, I realize I might have willed him to say that using my new trick, but if it conditions my expectations into manifesting the damn elf, it will have been worth it.

"Who?" I inquire further, a specific name in mind.

"Thranduil," he says promptly, just as I anticipated.

"Where is he?" I don't have an answer to this one, so I'm hoping he'll say something helpful.

He points behind me. "Right over there."

I turn and look, hoping my expectations are primed enough that he will be visible. Afraid not. As I squint into the distance, the man explains helpfully, "You can just barely see him, in the edge of the forest."

I still don't see him but I'll take his word for it. The man goes on, "If you hurry, you might be able to catch him. The best way is to go left up those stairs."

I follow his instructions, wondering I should summon a horse to cover the ground faster, but I don't want to add unnecessary complexity and figure that on horseback is not the best way to climb stairs anyway. The stairs are very rustic and appealing, constructed of irregularly cut slabs of old grey stone, with small plants growing out of the cracks, and a low stone wall on either side. They turn to the right and continue to ascend. I'm climbing as fast as I can and observe that either the steps are getting smaller or I'm getting bigger, because now I'm covering at least a dozen with each stride, but I'm still only halfway to the forest's edge when I wake up and sense that the dream state is unrecoverable.

Morning of January 27, 2015. Tuesday.



I am in a somewhat uncomfortable dream state (likely from being overheated) and in reality am farther down on the bed than usual, somewhat in a sideways fetal position. I am mostly in muddled states of creative thought where I am trying to get my body to “rematerialize” correctly. Usually, it is only about two-thirds the correct size. I am also slightly hovering, shifting into body forms that suggest static statue forms for the most part, but sometimes distracting abstract tangents.

Some of the forms are just too abstract to build on, so this will not do - I cannot exist in an “abstract body”, suggestive of human or not - I might just float around and not have full control that way. I have to live and breathe in an anatomically correct physical body. It is difficult (relative to establishing more mental clarity) and mentally laborious trying to bring all the molecules together so that I may live in my body again after it is correctly remade, sometimes floating about a foot from my bed. At one point, my body is like “The Thinker”, but on his side and half the size of my actual body. Sections of my body in one last session and attempt are still missing as I decide to abandon the process.