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Did I sell myself?

I remember a train station since I could see it so clearly and it was so detailed. The black steel beams that created a beautiful pattern decorated with pink flowers that was climbing it’s way up to the roof. Old gate lanters were everywhere to be seen and just helped the whole thing to look so old fashioned and romantic.
But we only passed it by. With us, I meant the group of people I was hanging out with. One really tall man, easy above 2 meters. I tried to grab his arm and since I felt we had that kind of connection. I tried to look up to him. To really get a good glimpse of his face but it was definitely not a very easy task! He was busy with our mission, to look for more people to join us. We passed by a shop that selled gemstones, that I had visited in a different dream from before. She was dressed all in black, had at least three different shades of purple in her black poffy emo looking hair. She was looking so cool and not to mention her attitude. The super tall man talked to her while walking away from the train station and the little gem shop. I couldn’t help but to feel jealous and tried to get his attention but he didn’t care. He didn’t shove me off or anything just giving me the look: “Not now, K?”
He was never looking directly at me either. More like, glancing at me or even looking down at me… since he was so freaking-ishly tall!

I went home and straight to the bed. Sulking. There were other girls in the room, kind of half naked. I suddenly didn’t wear anything on my upper body, topless you know, and talked to the girls that seemed more or less drunk or even high. The place was really dirty. What I noticed when I tried to walked around was that every girl were in this weird kind of state. Even I had a hard time trying to stay on my feet. Music was playing on the loudest possible volume outside the room. Since there were sooo many beds in a room made me start to think of what kind of a place this was.




Note: The man looked like an inspector.

Morning of September 22, 2018. Saturday.

Reading time: 1 min 22 sec. Readability score: 62.



I am sitting in a wooden chair that is first in a mostly undefined featureless room, though with a vague essence of our present home. It is possibly late morning at first. The passage of time seems unusual at the beginning. Several years may have passed very quickly with a brief awareness of different seasons. Soon, it is in an overgrown field. A Twin Wasp engine is on the ground, a few weeds growing around it. It seems to be golden at one point.

The rest of the airplane is elsewhere in the field. There is a 1940s feeling, though based on movies of the time. It seems my task is to fly two ballet dancers (male and female, about thirty years of age), in white, from the area, where they have been for a very long time, living in the minimal ruins of an unknown region. They have still been able to thrive somehow.

Although they sit in the back of a small airplane, they seem to be mentally flying it as I sit in the pilot’s seat. There is a sustained awareness of motion. We move through liminal space of only vague definition as the sky. When I look back at the waking point, they are no longer present.

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Vestibular system avatars sometimes have attributes associated with dancing as a result of the subliminal, liminal, or lucid control of, or focus upon, the illusory physicality of the dream state, the fluidity of adapting to changes in consciousness as well and anticipation of the waking start, even through hypnopompic transitions when they occur. I began to realize this when I was four years old. Airplanes and virtually all flight-related factors (including flying under my own will) are a common dynamic of the process, being present throughout every sleep cycle for over fifty years. Not counting flying under my own will, mechanical forms of flight, such as airplanes, helicopters, and spaceships, when compared with birds, seem to occur with about equal frequency.

Gold always correlates with dream state vivification and the emerging consciousness factor.

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Sep 25 2018

[D] In house with D and F's Grandma's dog (GD). GD is running around in the back yard and living room with a carrot, balanced precariously on a fence or string or hammock. D is avoiding her. GD is simultaneously a dog and a full-grown savage (think raised by wolves) naked man with long black matted hair. We (F and I?) have a conversation about taking a picture of him to share so he can be returned to his proper owner (this makes my dream self ponder what should fall under the responsibility of pet adopters).

[F] Long house, dark outside, I'm putting something up on my walls. Papers, plans, something? There's discussion/controversy over it.

[D] I'm with rory from gilmore girls, I'm her mom (or the other way around)? We're looking at boarding schools, transition to scene with all blond girls changing, one blond girl turns around and looks at us with a scowl, distinct image of this. Maybe I had changed back into a guy. I think rory's mom was now separate from me as an entity. With F now in a room full of monogrammed purses, like a giant walk in closet. I find several wthat are close to her initials or almost have all of them, there were a few humorous ones I found myself starting to question. If I had stayed in the dream longer I would have become lucid, at this point my awareness was spiking.



I believe I had 2 or 3 more but I can't find any trace of them in my memory palace. Will visit it during the day, and I think I'll sweep it out and start over clean with today's dreams. I think each time I wake up, I need to somehow activate my memory with an exercise so that placing my dreams in the memory palace will be more effective.

Non-dream stuff - Had a few non-lucids, mostly only remember the details for one sequence, since I didn't come to write on the journal straight away.

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Fragment:
I was in a game and I fought two girls that were teamed up, over a wooden planks bridge or something like that; the landscape was pretty blocky in general as I remember it, and these girls had picked/were characters that were really strong together, due to the way their abilities synergised with each other. I mostly struggled to deal significant damage to them, as they recovered or blocked it and eventually I remember falling in a low pit and getting cornered and killed. I don't remember what kind of abilities or weapons I was using.

Dream:
I was in the same game, and with this dream I remember the format more clearly: it was a player-versus-player online game. It was night but very clear as there was a bright moon light, and many of us, the players, were on a rocky slope upward toward a castle. The castle had a gate, and it was going to open when the game began.

This time I had a power armour (Enclave-type) like from the Fallout series, and I remember I "pressed" esc and was looking at the armour's details on a menu. The menu was very plain, and was mostly just drop-down menus. The dominant colour was a cyan-ish blue, not unlike a fluoroscan.

I remember my eldest sibling being out of scene in the dream but commenting about the game and asking me what it was like. At this point, I do remember seeing the "screen" as I was pointing at something, but other than that, the entirety of the dream takes place "inside" the game. I replied something in conversation while still looking at the armour details, when I found some sliders and options I could adjust for abilities.

I noticed there was a little face icon with a number in front of it, 4300, my interpretation of which was that this was how many points I had left to spend (and some abilities took 100,1000,2000, etc). I noticed a regeneration ability that I really wanted to pick (tends to be a personal favourite in games) but then when I was looking for it again, I couldn't find it. I tweaked some other settings I don't recall, such as my max health ability but then the match was starting while I was still looking at the menu, and very quickly, someone else killed me.

Later I respawned or something, somewhere in the map, and I was trying to be sneaky through some dark areas, which remind me now of the Kuva Fortress in Warframe, and ended up running into a few different people; they didn't attack me immediately so I didn't attack them either, and one of them also had a power armour and she (a pretty faced black woman, I saw, as she didn't have the power helmet on) was asking me how I'd managed to configure certain abilities for the armour. She commented on the fact that I was killed at the start while looking at the menu and that whoever had done it was distasteful for doing so. I appreciated her comment.

I remember giving her some advice on the armour abilities, though I don't remember the details. She and a few others, a mix of young (teens?) boys and girls, were at the top landing of a small staircase, to which I walked up to as well; there was a doorway to the right, though I have a vague memory of what was through it; I can't remember it other than being a room with wooden floorboards.

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• There was some other dream fragment I initially remembered, but ended up forgetting while remembering the big dream sequence.
• The two girls that killed me in the game in the first fragment had a cheeky playful attitude and sort of taunted me as they fought.
• The castle doesn't remind me of any particular place, but it had an Unreal Tournament feel to it.
• The transition from being inside the game, to being outside but playing and then back into being inside again was something rare, as that's not really happened before very much.
• The death while in the menu felt a bit too sudden/random; I don't remember hearing a projectile or a weapon firing, but it seemed like I got hit by a one-hit-kill explosion. And I thought the starting area would be safe until left.
• The black woman in power armour seemed to have some sort of strong motivation for being there that wasn't directly related to the game itself, she just had a sort of serious look on her face like she was looking for something in particular.
• I'm making note that while maybe it's not directly related, she was black and had a very meaningful interaction via conversation with me in the dream, and recently in my last DJ entry I've had a lot of black (but the actual colour) dream signs. Oddly enough, it is of some contrast to the last entry that the bit where we stood and talked was brightly lit by a single light from above, and I think the walls were a bright yellow, but it was otherwise dark. But generally speaking, this dream was not even half as dark as the one in my last entry anyway.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

"Awakening in C's room with grandmother leads to dad fixing the cellar"

I awake in C's bedroom. It is still dark outside. We get out of bed and she heads towards the toilet, handing me some boxer shorts on the way there. They look like my Finding Waldo boxers, but I am in doubt as to whether they are mine or hers. Sensing a brief glimpse of excitement I look down, but find that she is wearing a pair of rather boring black panties.

As she heads towards the hallway and the toilet I look down and find that I have all my clothes packed up in blue Ikea bags, as I would normally use for my washing clothes. The clothes are clean though, but I think to myself that I need to move this out of here.

Her Ex boyfriend gets out of bed and walks towards the hallway as well. He is a short, scrawny and little man and I wonder what she has ever really seen in him anyway.

a small skip...

I awake in the same bed. I am lying next to my grandmother on my mother's side. I find it weird to be sharing a bed with my grandmother, but at the same time I find nothing wrong with simply sharing closeness and intimacy. She leans in closer to me and I accept the embrace. She smiles and laughs as the she initiates the following dialogue:

“You know you grandfather was such a devil.” She says.
“How so?” I reply.
“Well he actually woke up one night and asked me this - “Maybe the reason you can’t sleep at night is because I keep stealing the duvet at night””
“Wow he actually said that?” I respond.
“Yes” she responds, also indicating that he didn’t do anything about it at all.

I get up and I walk into the living room. My grandmother is in there, but she has gained a lot of weight. This is a good thing as I see that she no longer looks scrawny and too slim, but has gained some roundness and looks like an older version of my mother and aunt combined. She is talking, even flirting, with this man on the right side of the living room. There is an element of school gym about the room and the man – whom is unknown, but maybe middle aged – is standing by some wall bars. I find it good that she has gained weight and are interested in men again.

The scene shifts.

I am now outside. It is early morning and still darkish. I want to go up to C’s room again to find my cigarettes and get my clothes out of her flat. I look up and am encouraged as I see that there are lights in her room. But on a second look I see that the light is lit in the room above hers. This is a challenge as I don’t want to wake her up to get my stuff, but I quickly think that the cellar door will be open in my own house and I can probably find some cigarettes there.

I walk back to the house. I find the cellar door open and as I walk inside I see that the entire room is drenched in water and insulated all around the walls. The insulation is white and it gives the entire room the look of a rugged and very large rubber cell you would find in a psychiatric ward.

I say to myself “This is a problem”, as I see the insulation being drenched and almost as big as mattresses hanging from the ceiling.

My dad walks in. I tell him “surely we can’t fix this by putting up a bit of plastic?” He responds “I’ve got this, I think it should be sufficient”.

I crawl out of the door again, which is now a small square hole in the south east corner. I notice that the terrace and lawn outside are also insulated. I think to myself “How is this going to work when the snow comes around?”.

I walk up the stairs to the main floor. I look out into the living-room and kitchen area and proclaim “wow you have really done a fantastic job with the floors” as I see that the wooden floors are totally spotless, indicating he (my dad) has spent a lot of time cleaning them. I walk into the entrance way and wipe my feet, which causes the small pebbles and dirt I have under my feet to scatter all across the floor. My dad enters the room and is furious at me for making a mess.

I feel somewhat guilty and see that it isn’t entirely fair what I have done, but I also feel hurt at his attack.

He gets out a mop and starts sweeping the floors. I wonder why he does that as it would be better to hoover before using the mop, but guess that he doesn’t want to waste time doing it again and will settle for just using the mop to sweep the mess I just made.

When he is done he packs up the mop and puts it on the shelf in the entrance, behind a candlestick up against a large painting in the entrance. I ask him why he is putting it there and that surely there must be some place better to put it. He seems to agree, but also seems frustrated at my remark.