dream fragment

DJ Log: October 19, 2011 – 6:30AM (USA Eastern)
Text color legend: · NON-DREAM · NOTES · DREAM · LUCID ·

I am walking along a wooded trail, trying to get to my workplace. As I am walking, I can see that there is a river along the trail which is flooded well over its banks. The further I walk, the higher the water gets. As I approach the building, I find that the flood waters have completely surrounded the building. In an attempt to stay out of the water, I climb up on a fallen tree and jump from tree to tree to get to the building.

Once I get to the door, I can see that the roof is leaking really bad. Water is dripping from the ceiling everywhere. The boss is in there, saying that he wants to salvage a few things before the flood ruins everything. I grab a few things off my bench, then walk over to the front office. The accounting person is not retrieving anything at all. I ask her if she wants anything out of the safe and she replies, "No." I look outside to see that the flood is getting a little bit worse. Suggesting that it's time to leave, I pick up my box of stuff and head out of the building.

again! it's been a while since i posted, but it's also been a while since i had any memorable dreams. i actually had two, one about a week ago and a few fragments last night.

i'll start out with the dream from last week.

it started out with a view of what looked to be a buddhist temple. it was set atop a flight of what seemed like hundreds of stairs. there was a thick forest in the background. in front of the temple, thousands upon thousands of people were walking up the stairs to enter it. suddenly, i am at the entrance to the temple, which is now empty for some reason, decrepit, and overgrown with vines and whatnot. for some reason, i am wielding a gun, now, an m1 carbine to be more specific. and then, this is where it gets wierd. suddenly, a bunch of chimpanzees in black leather armor come running at me. some of them have clubs, and some of them have guns. none of them fire at me, and none of them with the clubs try to hit me. they just chase me, and i pick them off one by one. it went on for a while like this, a how-long-can-you-last type of thing. the dream ended with me continuing to pick off monkeys.

quite satisfying, because i hate monkeys.
and yes, this is a "long" dream for me.

and now, for the fragments.

in each fragment, one of my greatest fears came to life.

the first one was spiders. i am afraid of all bugs, but i am afraid of spiders the most. this fragment was while i was just falling asleep. i could feel them crawling on me. up and down my legs, on my face. in my head, i just saw piles of tarantulas. hundreds of them, just crawling over each other. it's hard to explain, but i could see them crawling inside my empty skull. all of this was when i was awake. it was odd, i couldn't escape this by waking up, because i was already half awake to begin with.

the first dream was kind of indescribable as far as perspective goes, but as for the next two these are the first dreams i can remember that i've had in the third person. and, for that matter, the first dreams where i can clearly make out faces (the faces being my own). i can never make out faces in dreams, they are either blank or blurred. but in these two, i can clearly make out my face, and even the faces of those around me in this next dream (granted, they are surgeons wearing masks, but....)

the second great fear i have is surgery. and, you'll note as the dream goes on, dying violently. i am absolutely mortified of surgery. i cannot handle the fact that somebody is poking around inside of me with scalpels and needles. i am too afraid that i would wake up, because the entire time i was knocked out i would still be thinking of what happened if i woke up. which makes absolutely no sense and it is nearly impossible that that would ever happen. ah, the anxiety complex.

it begins with me, laying on a steel table, in absolute darkness except for one overhead light. there are three surgeons huddled around me, all male. i have a normal outfit on, black pants and a red jacket. the surgeons appeared to have just opened up my entire torso right through my clothes. who needs gowns, right? i am looking at myself behind two surgeons. i appear awake and aware of the fact that i am awake during a surgery, but it doesn't seem to faze me. now, the view changes to a closeup of the area of my body that has been opened up. i have minimal knowledge of anatomy, but for some reason everything seemed perfect. everything was muscle. then, one of the surgeons took a knife, stabbed me with it, and yanked it down, thus cutting a hole in my muscle that i could now see into. under it, i noticed my ribcage and lungs. he continued to jab and cut my flesh until my entire upper body looked like it had been beaten with a cleaver. there was blood everywhere, and my heart was beating (i was still alive...?) inside my shattered ribcage. the view moved so that i was now looking at myself from a birds-eye view, directly above the operating table. my eyes were still open and i was smiling. i couldn't tell if my heart was beating now, but i really hope that at that point i was dead. now, another surgeon took some sort of oversized trench knife/brass knuckes combo, and proceeded to separate the upper half of my body from the lower. i saw my intestines spill out, my legs fall to the ground, and the upper half of me slowly slide off the table. i fell to the ground, eyes open, still smiling.


my final fear is isolation, and loneliness. the scariest thing i could think of is going through life without anybody caring about you.

again, this is me in the third person. i can tell it's me, because once again i am wearing one of my own dresses, boots, and i can also tell by my hair. my back is turned, though.

i'm in a corn field, although there's not much there because it is winter. my back is turned, and i am sitting on the ground cross-legged. i just sit there for a while and listen to the cool breeze. then, out of thin air, thousands of locusts appear around me. they surround me and start biting me. i have no form of self defense, it is impossible for me to get up and run. i am being eaten alive by these locusts, screaming for help, but no one's there. soon, everything just becomes a brown blur and the dream is over.

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

These dreams were extremely vivid this time. I was really amazed by how vivid. I remembered every single detail of the dreams right when I woke up, but gradually forgot most detail until writing some key notes.

This vividness perhaps has to do with getting very close to successfully WILDing at bedtime before the dreams. My heart started beating really fast when I was this close, and I couldn't calm it down, so I decided to stop and ask at the forums the next day and went to sleep naturally, and TA-DA! Super vivid dreams, much more than I've had in a long while.

It kinda sucks that I happened to fall asleep in the middle of the night in a not as good as super happy mood because that would've been really great, being that these dreams were super vivid. But no, both or all of them were kind of that awkward helpless and self-conscious doing stupid things feeling I sometimes get in social situations when I'm not feeling super happy and confident like I want to.

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I am in Art Class with Mr. Gamble in the print-making room (not in the room where you paint and print and apply acid, but the other room where you draw mostly). The room is full of students, some of them are standing up, some are sitting down, some are sitting down on impractical objects. I am sitting down on the table near the center, but slightly close to the rack in the corner of the room. I am swinging my legs around, minding my own business, doing nothing, just sitting there and observing or daydreaming a little bit. Lauren, Liz, and Bruce are nowhere to be found thank goodness for me in my waking reality looking back.

Mr. Gamble asks me about something, an assignment that I need to get done, this part of the dream probably associated with my anxiety IWL about completing the pop-up art. I apologize to him and say I'll get it in for sure on time. I begged god not to let him over-talk like usual. Thankfully, after asking me about that thing he walks away. I think he tells something to the class but I wasn't listening. Then I think he walks out the door.

Ms. Taylor is now in the classroom. Then I watch my brother come into the classroom. He has some friends waiting outside the door, the same and more friends as in the dream I had the previous night. He asks Ms. Taylor is he could go out to the food places down the street, as if Ms. Taylor was our mom. I don't question this at all. All I could think about at this point is coming with him. Ms. Taylor says "Yeah, go ahead." I say I will go with them. Then Josef leaves out the door not even noticing me there. I am hesitant to follow them now because it would be weird. Ms. Taylor says "well, go?." I feel rushed and embarrassed, and angry at Ms. Taylor for being angry at me. I run out the door to the hallway and I look down the hall towards staircase A. I see my brother walking back and from a distance, holding a pizza form or box or something, he tells Ms. Taylor that there's a group pizza thing and asks if he could buy it for him and his friends. She says yes, and he starts running back towards staircase A, into the distance. I wasn't able to ask him if I could go with him, and for that I feel frustrated and bad. He didn't notice me standing there speechless and waiting to speak at all! It's like I wasn't even there the whole time! Well I don't think that, I'm really just having vague 'forever alone' thoughts and feelings come to me. I impulsively follow him. Everyone is wearing light winter coats. It is snowing very lightly, and there is snow about a foot and a half deep on the other side of the drive in road of the school on the side toward the park, while the snow in the main grass area in the middle is also either about a foot deep, deeper, or lightly buried that you can see some grass. As I am walking toward my brother leaving the school and starting up to the middle area, I am playing with my cellphone, and it makes a loud noise that I don't even recall now from reading my notes. Then I am playing with some kind of thin chord from my cellphone that could be a part of a headphone. I trip and fall into the snow as I cross the drive in road toward the park, and hide in the snow, for the first time noticing and watching my brother play snowball fight. I then notice that the sliding part of the cellphone and the thin chord has submersed into ice cold snow, and am worried that it will break. I somehow check if it still works. Then I continue watching my brother. I feel left out, and want to reach out to him but he is so far away, and if I did, it would be awkward and embarrassing.

Then I wake up.

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This next dream I only clearly remember the part with Liz eating a butterfly. The rest is a very foggy memory of being on a bus with some awkward moments among friends that I blame on myself.

I'm not sure if we were also on a bus at this part or not, but it appeared to be a dark, small or hidden, location. I am there with Lauren and Liz. Liz is sitting on a bench or some higher seat above me and Lauren, and Lauren and I are looking slightly up at her. I don't see Lauren face very often in this fragment. Both of our eyes are focused on just Liz. I actually remembered completely clearly every single word and a phrase that stood out, that Liz said to us, and our responses. We are talking about butterflies for some reason. Liz says she hates butterflies, and starts eating one. We see her eating one, but it's like a thought form imagination that we each share or something, because none of us think she is actually eating a butterfly. The butterfly looked a little foggy as well. Then, to tease us even more, Liz uses a Harry Potter wand she had laid out beside her and casts and quick spell to manifest a real butterfly. It was a very large butterfly - noticing after waking up from the dream - but none of us questioned the size, we all knew it was real. She slowly starts eating the butterfly, tearing off the wing material from it's stems, one area by one. My and Laurens' reactions to this include super sad partially fake crying, yelling, "NO!!"'s, "STOP IT"'s, and EWW's. I am feeling very sad seeing this happen. In the end, she tore off 3 sections of the left wing. We were all so sad. The butterfly was very beautiful and very still while this was going on. It looked like a monarch, but was blue.

Observation: I seem to unknowingly control the situation in the dream by having hopes about something and worries about something. Ie: With Mr. Gamble, he rarely ever stop talking in real life, but in this dream I really wanted him to not talk so much as he does, and somehow felt like I had a bit of control over this by commanding it in my mind, and it worked! Maybe if I learn to notice these control coincidences and increased law of attraction in dreams, I will be able to recognize I can control things much more easily and thus have a lucid dream.

Our family now has two iPads. A black iPad first gen and a white iPad 2. I'm watching a movie in my room on a couch on the wall opposite my bed (this couch does not exist IRL) and am under a blanket. I am watching the movie on the black iPad and eating chocolate glazed donuts at the same time. Every time I pull a donut from under the covers the chocolate scrapes off on the blanket and the screen of the iPad. I'm looking out the window too, it's nighttime. My brother might be with me. I also remember seeing the white iPad on my kitchen table.

This is a bit of an embarrassing dream but I put it down to being sick these last few days and having bad diarrhoea.

Not sure how the dream starts but remember having to travel to some place, but could feel as I was walking along that I was shitting my pants. I reached in with my hands to chuck out the worst of it, but still felt dirty and uncomfortable. Came accross a river/lake/sea and took the opportunity to jump inwith my clothes on and clean myself up. Once done I carried on to my destination only for the shit to start over again.

A house in the woods, the house is tall, made of wood, it´s like a church, the house is painted white and has a dark look.

---

I'm laying on my side beside a few friends and a television set. Next to the television there are several cases of nitrous oxide that seem to appear almost out of thin air. I grab one and so does my friend, pull the trigger, and inhale. We lock eyes. She's follows my every action. I now notice the dimness of my setting as I set the canister beside me and the gas leaks from its nozzle: a bland looking apartment building living room. There is a sense of bleak hopelessness, but not overwhelmingly and it's definitely comes with a drag of content. I warn my companions not to smoke or light a match while the gas is fogging the vision between us.

Suddenly, I get that feeling you get when your tooth is about to get pulled. Sure the giddy lightheadedness from the nitrous, but more so the overwhelming feeling of being strapped to a chair. There is a detached chattering in the back of my head. I realize I'm dreaming, only I'm still stuck. I realize after a moment of struggling that I'm stuck in a transitional state between waking and sleeping. The chatter is the sound of my professor's voice pulsating through my bedroom. I wake up, realizing what a failed attempt this was at laying in bed and still trying to pay attention to my online class.

Oct.16 - I was in a class. We were working on some papers - crossword puzzles. I finished mine. Someone took the paper from me and tuned it towards me, so I can read it. I saw the word LUCID kinda zoomed out from the paper. Didn't make me lucid.

Oct.17 - I was looking up some info on a hospital on the net. Then was in the store, picking binoculars, that had ability to see in dark.

Oct.18 - nap 2pm-5pm. I was in a big house, that was balanced in the middle and then it tipped over.
My mom visited me, she drove to me by car (she doesn't drive IRW), I told her not to drive back at night. There were crooks talking people into giving them money, I found proof of it in a deep crevice between tipped over house and the hill.
Bedtime 10pm - woke up at 5am with a dream - I was in the dream incubation place

Oct.20 - visiting family abroad in a huge house. I was flying around.

Somehow I only remembered just now what these dreams were. I've forgotten them earlier and was convinced that they were probably hazy, but I guess before I was just a little stressed (I was at school) to remember clearly. Today's dreams and yesterday's dreams were actually pretty vivid, as vivid as they usually are for moi. I'm only going to post today's dreams though. Two dreams had to do with pets and animals.

I am in my parents' bedroom, on the top floor of my house. The window is open, and the window net thing is also open. Both cats are in the room - Leeroy especially is very curious about the window. I recall the window being completely open before (in real life) and I am not afraid that the cats will run away onto the (flat) rooftop because they didn't last time. I simply watch them in humour. Then a small finch kind of bird flies in through the window and flies around in circles in the bedroom, disoriented. Suddenly my mom appears in the room with me, and I think to myself that we should let the cats eat this bird (since we have a pet bird that the cats keep trying to hunt). Then the thought comes into mind that maybe once they eat this bird, they'll want to eat Jerry (my pet bird) even more! My mom agrees (even though I was only thinking that, not speaking it aloud, but I didn't question it). My mom is silent and motionless, as if all decisions fall on me. I decide to just let the cats run around the room trying to catch the bird - because it is fun to watch and because they would definitely enjoy eating it (I thought that in almost those exact words). Then I have a short worried thought that the bird will lure the cats to go chase it outside the window, but I let those worries drift away from my optimistic mind. I continue to enjoy watching my cats chase, or now rather watch the bird fly around the room.

--- Side note: I noticed that having a thought inside a dream is much more vivid than having a thought in real life. In real life, the physical is obviously as vivid and realistic as it gets, and thoughts that you have also do bring images and scenarios to be imagined and sort of partly experienced by and through your mind, but don't feel as vivid as they may in a dream. When you have a thought in a dream, I notice that the images and scenarios that are imagined because of the thought are much more vivid in dream reality than real reality... sometimes just as vivid as the physical reality of the dream, that objects appear/disappear/shape-shift/change and that you jump in the dream to another fragment of the dream. After some thinking and theorizing, I have come to the conclusion that because a dream occurs in the mind and not in real physical reality, and because everything in the dream, including the dreamscape, objects, people, and thoughts, are all created by your mind in close frequencies, it makes it seem like the thoughts/imaginations you have in the dream are more vivid than in real life because you compare them with the physicality of the dream that is also created by your mind... If that makes sense. In real life, the frequency of real physical objects are very different from the frequency of your thoughts.

I also theorize that in a vivid lucid dream, by utilizing more of your conscious mind, you are able to convince your mind that the physicality of the dream is or can be just as real as the physicality of real life, and thus make it so. This second theory is not yet concluded on since I have not experienced enough lucid dreams to observe and learn enough to create a theory.

Yes, I do create a lot of theories about everything. This means I also over-analyze things in real life, however all of this analyzing and theorizing simply causes me to have a better understanding of how the mind and psychology of people works. (I don't theorize about scientific laws or whatever, only that which I can personally experience... Like dreams and thought and actions/reactions of other human beings! ) Okay well back to the dreams now.

---->The next dream was possibly the strangest one I have had in a long long while. It has to do with sexual themes, so just a warning, don't read this if you do not want to know.

I am at my old school, Fielding Drive P.S. There is a lot of the dream that is on the edge of my mind right now, but I can't pin it down, so I will just write down the fragment of the dream that I can remember clearly. I am in the junior computer lab. There is a bald teacher there, and I have just walked into the room, having a question to ask him which I either wasn't sure what the question was in the dream or just forgot it now. I am holding some school stuff, like maybe a binder or some paper, in my hand. I am at the door furthest from the exit of the junior hallway of the school. The teacher doesn't seem to acknowledge me walking in. He is not asking me what I am doing here, just continuing to sit at his computer playing card computer games or something. I realize that he is waiting for me to talk, even though he is not making eye contact with me or anything like that. I am hesitant to say anything because this is really strange. I don't think I say anything. After a while of standing there, I have the dirty thought that maybe he was watching porn before I came in, and quickly switched to playing computer games when he heard the door open. I ponder this thought, thinking if it's really realistic, and here is another proof of my theory by the way, the dream hazily sort of jumps between me walking back out the door, and then walking back in through the other door, the door closest to the exit door of the school and the teacher, walking in on the teacher that has become a cat but not really a cat licking it's erection. And then I start fapping as if I was watching cat porn really... odd.

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The other dream that I remember felt like it had to do with zip-lining or running some sort of course... It's a very hazy memory that I have of this. I'm with a group of people, some I recognize as friends, and some I just don't know at all, or are guides or other participants in this course. My brother is there too, and he is with some of his friends. We walk into the indoor part of the course. It is a mansion. With red carpet, and everything looks very rich. There are rich business people in the room mingling. At this point I think we all forget somehow that this was a zip-lining course. We enjoy the refreshments, and there is a bonfire somewhere, and an area of the room with the continued zip-lining course. I mingle with some of the rich business people. There was a problem and I was discussing possible solutions with them and I forget completely what this problem or solution was, but it had to do with business probably. Then I move onto the course. There is a complication with the next zip-line, where the pulley that is already on the wire doesn't go back unless the person on the other side of the zip-line sends it back to you or something. It is above a fire or something really dangerous that will kill you if you let go, and there are no harnesses in this zip-line. It is still in the mansion, and you can still see the room from here. The rich business people are upset that we will break something. I use the zip-line, get to the other side, and so does my brother. Some people die for unknown reasons. I think I kill someone, or maybe just feel like I killed someone. The blame goes on me anyway. I don't feel guilty, I accept the deaths as the reality of life and the dream and I think other people do too. The corpses immediately and unnoticeably vanish upon this acceptance. There's some more legal complications or whatever, but I was unaffected. Then more stuff happened that is on the brink of my mind.

Oh yes. Before we are at the part of the dream above, we are at my house, in the living room. My brother and I are talking, and I have two blankets laid out downstairs for me to sleep on because I sometimes sleep in the living room. Two of my brother's friends take to the couch, cover themselves with the blankets and go to sleep. It is not nighttime. I get angry that they are using my blankets, and express this anger slightly at my brother. Mostly, I am thinking if they will notice the possible smell of the blankets (?). They don't seem to notice anything. Then I go hang out downstairs with my brother, then his friends wake up, suddenly the dream seamlessly shifts to being at Mark's Work Wearhouse and then shifts to being back at home, chatting in the small walk-in hallway place of my house, and then playing a video game that combines Spyro, another game I played only in another dream I had a while ago, and Final Fantasy XII, in the mine cave area near the start of the game. My dream is immersed into this game, I am inside the game reality while hearing the roaring voices of my brother and his friends, and my quieter voice chatting back with them. More stuff happened that I can only feel the feeling/frequency of rather than exactly pinpoint what happened. I think at one point I was in danger of dying possibly because my brothers' friends' stupid mistake and my brother gets mad at them or something I don't know.

Yes, odd dreams today I know.

I remember having a dream last night about something I had to do, and was pretty anxious about it. Now that I'm awake I can't remember what the thing I needed to do was, only that it was important and I was spending a great deal of mental energy trying to get it done.

Then, just as I was surfacing from the dream, something really strange happened. I had a hypnopompic hallucination, but I was fully aware of what it was while it was happening. The other weird thing is I think my eyes were open at the time it happened. I tried to turn the hallucination into a LD but it was so abstract. I kept seeing what looked like an old LCD screen with a grey backdrop in front of my eyes, with the faces of pixelized bears. Once I realized I was having a dream/hallucination, I tried to change what was happening. All I could manage was to make small black ripples appear in the LCD-like surface with my mind. Finally, after being essentially paralyzed but not scared, I woke up.

I remember small peices...I think I saw my niece. Took too long to DJ so I forgot whatever I dreamed about.

This dream started out as a random search on a website. I was just browsing it at first, but then I spotted someone who was related to someone that I was looking for. I observed what they did and said, and became quite jealous. I ended up finding the person I was looking for, but never being able to actually talk to them (basically what goes on irl). Anyway, at some point, the "website" aspect of it went away (though it was more like floating around images and such, kind of cool), and I ended up in what looked to be a mix between my brother and sister's rooms at my dad's house. They (the person I was looking for) was there as well, and we had a long chat (which is rare) about things. I learned about their crappy past with others that I'd been jealous of, and while I know it wasn't real, it was nice to finally get something out of them (even in a dream). Then an odd thing happened where they left for a moment and some guy comes in and starts attacking me. Except I suddenly gain monstrous strength and beat the crap out of them. And then my dad makes a cameo appearance as I toss said guy into his room where he sits on an armchair and watches TV, and that was the end of that.

M is talking to everyone about the fact that spirits will come down to Earth, around the year 2012, in great numbers to speak to the living.

1st-
I was somewhere out side near a familiar building...kinda vague now. This girl I was really feeling back in highschool was there, she had just broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to be with me. I think I turned her down due to I was with some other chick and because I felt I would be regressing at this point in my life if I did.

2nd-
I was at a buffet restaurant with my dad, brother and some other people and we were joking and merrymaking.

3rd-
I was in a video game setting. I was driving a remote control vehicle from 1st/3rd person. The objective was the mow down cops using the mounted machine gun before they could reach the car. It was like they came in waves with each wave becoming progressively harder. The graphics were arcadey. Eventually they all pooled inside a vehicle that was 10 times the size of my own(it was a mack truck) and then they started ramming me. I tried to drive to safety behind barriers but they rammed those also. Somebody told me to throw C-4 inside the truck but I awoke before that could happen.

I woke up in my bed, feeling groggy as I do in the mornings. I stood up, and something told me that this was a dream. I did a nose-pinch and hand reality check, none of them seemed to work in an unrealistic way. I was still pretty sure it was a dream, even though everything looked like a completely normal overcast morning.
My lucid seemed boring, so I wanted to make something out of it. I tried to picture a girl standing in my room. Nothing happened. I tried to figure a girl standing outside my room's closed door. I opened the door. No one there.
I thought that I could just as well go down the stairs and see where my mind brings me, even though I had a feeling, I would probably wake up from it. I walked down the stairs. I woke up halfway.