side notes

My school bus took me to my middle school and the memories started flooding (not actual memories from middle school but memories from other dreams) i went inside and i went into a classroom and people were getting these weird gummy/ fruit snack things and they looked really good so i asked where they got them and one kid walked with me to show me where to get them and i see a few teachers that i know in real life and we are suprised to see each other but then i walk into the room where the gummies came from and saw that i had to pay for them so i was like never mind so then i leave and come back to the classroom and i get on the bus and there is this girl i see and lets me read a journal that she had then that was the end


and this is a side note in one of my dreams i don't remember if it was this one or a different one but i was telling myself that if i was in a dream that some peoples heads would be weirdly shaped but i think i noticed peoples heads were weirdly shaped it almost looked like they had some kind of tumor on the back of their neck but anyway i think i got lucid i've been watching videos on how to lucid dream and i guess thats why i told myself that in a dream but knowing it was a dream gave me an eerie feeling

how many reality checks should be done in 1 day if you want to have lucid dreams?

i made this account cause i could not log into my other account and i don't know if i'm the only one but this website is glitchy

who the heck is jamie i keep seeing jamie this jamie that????

Jamie voice seemed to be splitting after my last entry. Wasn't sure why. Of course I meant she's more than welcome to come to my door and ask for me. I simply meant other options as suggestions for whatever she feels comfortable with. Maybe she was upset over my unwillingness to reach out first. Even though I already did a few times. She never responded. If my best message to her still isn't good enough for her. No further attempts are necessary. I argued with her voice on this early this morning about this very thing. She admitted: It's unreasonable to expect you reach to me, if I don't respond. Exactly right! This entirely changes if she begins to talk to me and let's me know that further communication is okay. I'm ready to step up then.

Dreams:

2 nights ago.

Jamie 1

(Can't use colors because I can't get posting entries here to work properly on PC or mobile. What gives DV? What gives?)

I dreamed Jamie was working construction with me or something. I was climbing up some scaffold or something. Jamie was climbing to but she was surrounded by wooden ramps and walls they were also moving very fast. I told her that's not necessary, we're simply here to work.

Fortnite again?

Jamie 2

She was with me in a house? We kept flying around but instead of talking , we kept leaving notes for one another.

Jamie 3

I was with Jamie in a city. She had a fancy blue car. She pushed a button and it started changing into a more fancy car or something. She laughed and asked if I liked it?

When I woke up. I kinda split on that. She seemed like her careless and grandiose self of which I have very bad memories of. I recall her being quite hurtful when she was like that.

Jamie 4

I was walking on a residential street. I was eating a sandwich. It had some meat and a shitload of mayonnaise. It was messy. I don't recall liking it too much.

Woke up and the voice said she made me pastrami on rye? Oops I was supposed to like it. Sorry.

This whole entry seems negative. So I'll end on some positive notes.

Pets

I woke up on top of a bunk bed. There were tiny goats flying up to me and I was petting them.

Also the Jamie voice wanted me to confirm some of the jokes we say to one another. Many months ago I was trying to cheer up her voice by saying, " I believe in the good person inside of you." She responded, " You are the good person inside of me." Lol. Read into that however you like. It's been a running joke ever since.

I hope next dreams are loving and affectionate. These holidays were more moody than what I would have liked.

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3 nights and only a flash of a fragment about Jamie...

Can't recall the first night. During the day The Jesus voice indicate that Jamie was getting into something that she shouldn't. The biggest hint is that she was looking at things she shouldn't (IYKYK. I've had struggles with that as well... from time to time).

Lucid but no cigar

I was in a building with some people. couches in a corner. I became lucid but the dream started blacking out. I held on somehow. I said I wanted to go to Jamie's dream. I wound up in a psychedelic tunnel space. I kept floating through it trying to find Jamie. One tunnel just led to another of different colors. I went through 3 or so. Then my memory fades. Kinda felt like I was stuck in the Dr. Who title screen if you know what I mean.

What?

A dream where Kurt Cobain was in the black space. He had a guitar and was strumming it. He sang, "A lemonade alright, No Chick-Fil_A sauce." In a sing song voice. He looked pissed off that he was singing it and walked away.

Funny. I really hope that doesn't get stuck in my head again.

Flash

A flash of Jamie naked with some woman...

Um okay. I really wish I would stop dreaming about that.

I had trouble with the Jamie voice this morning. She said she was stupid? I asked what it was about. I had 4 different Jamie voices give me 4 different answers... I was like, "Well, whatever you did. I'm not finding you in dreams lately and right now the continuity of hearing your voice is breaking down. So maybe give it a rest." Literally hasn't been that bad in months. (I'm not all blaming the lack of dreams on her. I have a tough time recalling things sometimes. It's also very hard to dream about the same thing continuously for such a long time. Might be why I keep seeing Jamie as different people, but I can tell who she is by her behavior) Her voice seemed down today, almost guilty or regretful. I did some early prayers already because she asked.

Last night had lots of dreams. not sure if I'm remembering them all. New Dexter series on paramount+ . Loved the first episode, Use to watch the Original with my cousin who passed a few years ago.

Jamie 1

An HH flash of me walking in bowden at night. Jamie drives past me while looking at me. She smiles.

The voice get's all excited when I woke up. "I saw you." She said. Note: when I see her in a Real life "Drive by." Her voice will often say, "I saw you!"

Jamie 2

Another HH flash We're in the plack space. Jamie brings me a box of doughnuts.

Yup. I agree. Best way to keep me from getting Hangry and splitting is to brings snacks. (No dried fruit or anything. Pure chocolate and sugar junk is good.)

Wrong girlfriend

I walked past Jessica in a dream. for some reason I thought she was Jamie. I acted all friendly but the girl wasn't having it. She said something like, "I didn't do anything with you because you didn't take any initiative."

I woke up and asked the Jamie voice about the dream. She said that wasn't her in the dream. As for the initiative thing, we've already covered that - I'm just dense, and can't tell if any flirting is serious or not, leaving me to usually shrug any hints off or miss them altogether. Direct approach is what works best on me.

Jamie confusion?

I was in a flying car... might have been semi lucid at one point. I had a phone or tablet display in the middle of the dashboard. It was a message from Jamie? but it said: Joanne. I landed at the house. got out. A girl that looked like Jamie started kissing me. We started really getting into it... like really getting into it. In the back of my ming I couldn't get the name: Joanne out of my mind. I still wasn't sure if this was Jamie. The Jamie voice in my head said, "Robert..." as if to ask WTF I was doing. We kept kissing.

I checked with the voice when awake. Apperently Jamie remembered kissing too. Not sure what happened there.

Driving

A dream where I was driving a motorbike in calgary. My brother was there or something. I went to Crowchild, but it was these big hills... and it was snowing. I was really nervous to drive it.

Hardly any recall. The conversations with the voice seemed distant during the days. Mainly because I usually spend hours lost in things that occupy my full attention. The Jamie voice was complaining about it... I think... Today. Anyway we still seem to connect well at night. I haven't been waking up as much in the middle of the night. But at night time it's a normal routine of prayers and trying to sense one another in spirit.

I had a dream like vision that seemed like a microdream with Jamie in it. But I can't recall what it was about.

Jamie

I was somewhere. Maybe in a house. There was a woman there. The lighting wasn't great so I couldn't see her. She said she was my girlfriend. I said, that's impossible, I already have a girlfriend and her name is: Jamie.

The woman said that SHE is Jamie. And I was like Nuh-Uh. You don't look like Jamie. I have a picture of us right here. I look at the picture and I see a man with glasses.. but it's not me. His arm is around his girlfriend. She has Jamie's hair.. but not the same face. Also wearing glasses. I was about to tell the woman that it's the wrong picture... But I woke up.

I guess I'm still not seeing Jamie as herself... No wonder she doesn't show up as often... That must be frustrating.


What?

A random dream where I had to hold a giant white thing to fly around. I was trying to beat another guy with a flying thing... I couldn't fly certain areas because I kept running into powerlines? Um okay.

Hardly sensing Jamie at all in these dreams. I miss last February when it was multiple dreams per night.

Jamie 1

I was with Jamie in a fortnite game... Ugh. Just remember us by a bridge and talking.

Jamie 2

Just remember Jamie hanging with me and my brother? Not sure. We were walking through some woods and I saw shape of smoke in the form of an old lady. It was just frozen there. We went into a cave or something to retrieve something. When we got out. The smoke form was still there. It actually changed into an old lady who looked like a witch. We all got startled and ran. The man argued with me saying the old woman wasn't there before we entered the cave. I said I clearly saw her smoke shape before we entered.

Fromville

I was in a giant house with the Donna character in the From show. I was exploring a basement which was huge. It was like another in the basement. I go through many rooms and hallways. Donna enters through a hidden door. I comment on how big the basement is. She says, Yes that the upstairs is gigantic as well. There's so much there that Dale has never been downstairs.

What

Another dream where I break into someone's house that is a previous customer of my dad's. They don't seem to mind however. I see they have a piano, but the woman went with another piano tuner.

I've been doing 1-2 piano's a month now. Wish it was several a week.

I hope the Jamie dreams increase.

Two nights in a row and not much on Jamie. I had some interesting happenings with her head voice. One night she asked why I ran away in the parking lot. I remembered and I split on it for a few minutes. The answer I gave was 1. She stood me up. 2. She said something really mean. After I calmed down I heard The Jesus voice said it was time for us to leave the past in the past.

Had some HH of some one playing the piano. It was the first part of Rachmaninov's 3rd piano Concerto, Ossia Cadenza https://youtu.be/Bhj7hunyVjw?si=ak4Yh0PkYGJ0EAXR

Had something like HH flashes but not dream like at all. First was me and Jamie making love, her on top. Second was I was in a room. Night time and no lights except for the glow of a TV. Jamie was on the other end of the couch, staring at me like a zombie. Her eyes glowed from the TV reflection. Che opened her mouth wide with a blank stare and bugs began crawling out of her mouth...

The Jamie voice asked what that was. We talked and apparently she saw the same thing... But it was me all zombied out.

Jamie

Just a flash of me driving a beat up brown, minivan. Jamie got inside and she looked really happy to see me all smiling. Good.

House

I was wandering through a very large house with tons of people living inside it. In some sections the people were dangerous. The house was so big it was like a small city...

Jamie voice was saying, how she likes our sweet talk especially late at night and the mornings. Yes, it's really me. I'v, also pondered how sometimes - when I have Her drive by sightings... a dream sometimes follows where she is crying in a vehicle. I do appreciate her trying to get nearer to me and hopefully trying to validate my strange "Telepathic" experiences with her. But, be safe. Don't push too hard. If we seriously talk again (hopefully accompanied by a long hug.) It's going to be somewhat emotionally rocky anyway. Just please be safe and stable as can be.

Not much from two nights but I had one night with contrasting Jamie dreams.

Jamie 1

Before the dream, I fell asleep after briefly watching a UFO documentary on Netflix. (I don't usually watch those, but this one was about Budd Hopkins, I use to read his books as a tween)

In the dream. I was watching a Documentary about Jamie. The guy was like, "Is she really who she says she is?" and he claimed like.... ancient egyptians was talking about her or something in pyramids. The dream changed to me chasing Jamie in a big city like T.O. But she was pretending she didn't know me. She was going to parties... lots of drugs and Drama with some guy. I saw her crying in front of him. The documentary guy was in my head, and I was like, "Yeah, I don't recognize this person at all."

I woke up and checked if the Jamie voice was there (Sometimes there are periods after sleep where she is silent and I assume she is sleeping.). I was like, "Wow what was with that dream? It was like I didn't exist." After some hesitation she said, "Yes... That was me having a really bad episode."

I prayed that I get better dreams about her with holding hands... affection etc.

Jamie 2

I'm sitting on a sectional couch in front of a TV. I'm not even sure If I am watching anything. Jamie sits beside me. I'm astounded such a beautiful girl would even sit beside me. We seem to watch it together. I notice she rested her left arm beside me. I didn't want to be too presumptuous so I laid my right arm over hers. After a moment she took my hand. This part felt... So real. I could see and feel our fingers interlocking. We started trying to lay together. I'm not sure if she was squeezing me too hard but I flt panic and got up (I don't mind big hugs but I have a problem if people squeeze to hard, like Elmyra from looney tunes). So, we tried cuddling another way. But after a moment she wasn't having that either. She got up and started pulling out the foot rest and trying to turn it into a Hide-a-bed. But I woke up as she was doing it.

I found this dream very funny. We are both so awkward trying to figure out what works best.

Jamie dreams are kinda back? They are few and far in between but still somehow consistent. She might have done a drive by I was brushing off my car. A grey car turned in the alley by my house behind me. It felt like someone was looking at me. I turned and saw part of a head with brown hair and sunglasses. The voice mentioned it may have been her. If so, this is becoming more often. She's getting braver.

Jamie 1

I was in a long non lucid dream that was boring. Me and Jamie met in the middle of the dream. We both briefly talked about the plot of the dream we were in and moved on. Can't remember what was said or the rest.

unsure?

I was in... I'm not sure I had an ipad or something. I was selecting music. The band: Helloween, came to mind. Couldn't figure out if I wanted to hear, "Eagle fly free." or, "Dr. Stein." but then the tablet menu went funny and I couldn't find it. The tablet was suddenly hanging by string around a girl's neck. It was now a white board that we could write messages on. Not sure if this was Jamie or not.

Fighting

I was with a younger guy also named. "Raven." (Not my other dream friend. who does healing songs and stuff.) He was the native guy I ran into one day in the Wal-Mart parking lot when Jamie was giving me a ride home. In the dream he was getting mouthy. So I pounded his face in for a bit. Then I said something like, "Respect your elders." or something and he backed off.

More fighting

I think me and Jamie were in a fortnite game or something. We were walking through a valley and someone shot at us. Jamie got knocked and she was doing the crawl. The shooter grappled over to us with his duo. He told me to Res her so he can kill her again. I said, "If you kill her I will definitely find you and kill you." We went back and forth a few times like that and he backed down.

New fortnite season tomorrow. I have a love/hate relationship with that game. Mainly hate the cringe and the super toxic community.

Jamie again

This morning after our bedtime sweet talk session we often have in our heads. I was in an HH dream she was there. She made lasagna and offered me some.

I enjoyed that dream.

Not many dreams. Jamie drive by again? I was pulling into the Reddi-mart to pull out some cash. Noticed the one car with the wannabe red but not quite color. Stared intently inside... I saw a woman with brown hair, sort of like Jamie but unsure. She seemed to notice I was looking her way and she defiantly turned her gaze to the side (but was probably just shoulder checking for oncoming traffic before turning.). moments later while inside... her voice started up. "Why did I do that? I'm sorry." Her voice was apologizing non stop throughout the day. Her crime - Doing the freezout thing. I mean I'll try my best to let it slide. Even though her voice promised me that she would not do that anymore. I'll admit when I worked with her - it was an extremely frustrating thing to deal with. I have never liked it, don't currently like it, and never will. Experiencing that currently kind of doesn't help. Remember - I'm absolutely certain I have at least mild traits of BPD myself. The worst thing for me emotionally is to consistently re live past trauma. It's bad enough that I currently live with my dad, even though he is getting old and feeble - He still is emotionally abusive. Constantly scoffing in disappointment over every single thing I do. Also Boomer parents, "Why don't my kids wanna see me.?" I'm absolutely positive Jamie reads these, so please take these things into consideration. I have stated a lot on this journal, that I am trying my best to work on my issues around her, so that I can be a safe place for her. It should go both ways. I'm dedicated to being sensitive and accommodating to her issues, and working it out with her with good communication. I however, expect the exact same thing from her. Because if me mentioning in a dream how long it's been since we've talked and how salty I am about it is going to trigger her badly into a splitting episode, What does she think ignoring me in outright defiance does to me? It's a fine line - walking on eggshells. And I do pray everyday that Jesus somehow solves her BPD issues. There's a guy on Tik tik sensitive.stability - a self proclaimed self cured BPD guy that has a program for trying to be symptom free. It probably costs money, but it might be worth it for us to check it out. It's loosely based on DBT. Another thing is that her voice keeps asking for prayers, when we both gt upset at this stuff. That's really good. Wether the prayers are getting answered or not, it's a good thing that seems to help us stay grounded with one another.


On a lighter note. If Jamie wants to talk to me I imagine we are going to have some pretty awkward initial conversations. Somehow I don't think,"Hey there Captain Booty cheeks, are you ready to make that daughter we've been dreaming about? Or are you chicken?" is going to work well.

Dreams:

first night: Nothing, except a flash of Jamie coming up to me and hugging me.

Night after her apparent) run in.


Wal-Mart

I was in a Wal-Mart with some native girl who wanted to be my girlfriend. I saw a Woman I recognized as Shannon M from didsbury (Nice trailer park lady who worked at Hi-Ho for years. Has a couple kids - one borderline daughter with a kid) I'm like "Hey!" And the woman (Possibly Jamie.) started hugging me from behind really tightly and kissing the back of my neck in the same spot over and over again. I was walking as she did this. The Native girl was staring at me funny. I said, "I know this lady I worked with her at Wal-Mart for 5 months or so." (In reality I never worked with shannon but the line implies I was recognizing Jamie). The dream seems to end there.

17/10/2024 @ aprox between 10:30 am - 11:30 am - My first lucid dream in YEARS, possibly over a decade.

I was running from a special ops unit through a tightly packed, derelict abandoned gated community. It was night though it was well lit from the full moon with a blue-ish white tint. They where looking for me as I had found some highly advanced alien technology which had unlocked dormant supernatural powers within me. (Invulnerability and atom manipulation)

Because of my new found abilities I was defending myself against these special ops agents with ease, disassembling their atomic structure as they evaporated into shadows of shouldering ash. Their weapons had no effect on me so I was without fear and in no sense of urgency to escape.

In order to enhance these abilities further I had to find a ring I had misplaced which I was unable to find.

*MOMENT OF LUDICITY* :

I discovered I was dreaming because I realized how outlandish the situation was. In that instant I had became lucid and the entire world began to wobble and wriggle about like an impossibly designed, intricate childs drawing and what I can only describe as what I imagine having an acid trip would be like. With this realization the most amazing feeling of power, warmth and joy washed over me.

Before I had discovered I was dreaming, the dream world was seamless and indistinguishable from the real world. It's almost like as soon as my rational brain had woken up and my rational focus was shone onto the dream world that my fully conscious self was too much for the dream world to sustain believably or I was taking up too much resources so it began to struggle with the weight of my fully conscious being's presence.

The excitement must have been too much as I was not able to explore far, not so long after I had become lucid the world began to break up around me and I found myself slipping into a closing, narrowing, clear, crisp, mildly pixelated, almost digital thinly and sparsely detailed oval tunnel of white light with a slit of black at the end.

Before long the tunnel of white light had disappeared and all too soon I was in the dark looking at the back of my eyelids back in bed having left the lucid dream behind. It sounds a lot like was people describe dying as being like! I really felt like I had left my body and had come back from somewhere else outside of my body.

(Reflection) Maybe dying is waking up from the dream of the real world.

Ever since I had this lucid dream I am able to remember at least one dream per night in excruciating detail hours after I've woken.