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I decided to start writing my lucid dreams in this journal, I guess to stay motivated. Anyways stuff in parenthesis will be anything that didn't happen in the dream, and stuff outside the parenthesis will be the dream.

Enjoy.

I am sorting out some notes with bank account numbers.

We cooked too much bacon at work, so I am thinking whether it could be frozen. However, I am worried that it won't taste good when it's defrosted and heated up again. :-D

It is summer time. My brother and I stand behind our house in CZ. There are large fields with some kind of herbs or spices beyond our house. We have a small tractor with massive tanks for watering these plants. The tractor has jets for spraying the water at the plants. My brother had similar one. We are racing now, going right to the other side, where we have to refill the tanks. As I look at the fields, I see many of watering jets all over the field. We fill up the tanks. I ask my brother if we are doing it right. The tanks are green with aluminum arms holding the jets. My brothers ensure me that it is all ok, so we go back.

I am behind our house again. I am there with my sister. She is going to do some gardening too, but keeps running away all the time, as if to get something. She plays some music in her room and leaves the window open, so we can hear it.

I am sitting in the fields, when some man comes to me. He is wearing a long coat and a gas mask. I have a feeling that it has something to do with "black death". There is a small person under a heap of leafs ready to be burned. The man asks me whether he should burn it. I say that no, that its ok. (!!!)

I go to a shop with plastic models made by Rewell. I want to choose one, so I go through it. I picked a tank. It cost £68 (exact amount???). I queued for quite long. When I got to the cashier (young lady with long hair and glasses) she saw me looking for the price, so she told that its not the final price as some other components have to be bought with it. So I told her that I need to think about it for a while. Then the girl offers me to purchase a kite. It has many different colors, and it is very cheep. It only costs £1.20. So I took one.

I am behind our house again. There is my brother with me too. We continue watering the plants. We use the water from our swimming pool, but its being filled up at the same time too. We chatter about it. My phone keeps ringing all the time. I look at my watch and notice that its on the other wrist. It is early in the morning 7 or 8. I am fairly surprised as it seems like midday because it's pretty bright. Then everybody leaves. I have a feeling that they go shopping, or they go to water plants somewhere else. There is my grandmother too. I tell her that I will send her the file soon. (??) My grandmother and I have filled in some file in MS Excel. It contained names in time (for centuries). Then I went to see my friend O. Skrbek. He starts to apologize and explaining some matters, although I don't understand what is he saying. He says that he ate some bonbons in some lawyer's office. I remember that he always had plenty of everything. I tell him to open a store with building materials, and that I can write the welcome board for him. (!!!!) ( I am falling asleep again at this point, therefore there is less and less logic in the story)

Non-lucid Lucid
January 16, 2011:
I went to bed around 2:00am. Before going to sleep I reviewed the day's events in reverse. I woke up around 6:35am, and put a ring on my left hand. As I was going back to sleep, I repeated the mantra "I will lucid dream," in a singing chant (in my head, obviously). I fell asleep on my back, became lucid in a dream and had a series of three or four lucid dreams. I woke again at 7:05am

I was in a store that had lots of xmas decorations, trees and stuff. I went into a room with an office desk. I heard someone at the desk, but I could not see him.
I picked up a bottle off the desk and I knew I was dreaming as I hit the edge of the desk several times with the bottle. The room was dark and it was hard to see. I said I wanted more vividness, and said "give me light!" but it didn't work.
Then I woke slightly and felt vibrations. I entered another dream.
I was in bed with N. I got up and walked around the room. It was still dark. I said I wanted more vividness, but it didn't seem to work. Then I had a little sex with N.
I woke slightly again and entered a dream again.
I remembered to look for Sheila. I saw a door and said that she would be on the other side of it. But she wasn't. I saw a corner and said she would be around the corner, but again she wasn't. I was getting upset that it wasn't working.
Then I saw a female face, part of a painting or statue at first. She was a solid greyish color. I grabbed the woman and tried to make her turn into Sheila, with no success.
Then I saw Sheila sitting at a table in a diner, facing away from me. The first girl became annoyed and angry. I tried to make her go away and tried to remove her consciousness.
I approached Sheila and said her name. She turned and smiled at me. Her face was painted blue, with stripes and designs. I said she looked cool. We might have kissed, I'm not sure now.
The other girl was still there. She and Sheila kissed. The first girl was not angry anymore.
Then I must have lost lucidity and Sheila turned into a cat. I put her in a bag or a large purse.

My goal had been to find Sheila and ask her to find me in non-lucid dreams to tell me that I am dreaming. I was only half successful.

1/16
I had a dream last night about a pond or small lake that me, my two sisters, and mother were enjoying. One was floating and gliding along on a float mat, and we were swimming and walking around the lake, laughing and playing.
Then my youngest sister was wading near the shore and she tripped over the lake drain hole, uncovering the lid. The lake started to drain into the muddle bottom hole and she slipped into it, too, though we tried to stop her. I ran to find a rope or something to help her. My mother was screaming about her beautiful lake draining, not of her daughter in the drain hole. I found a rope and came back to the hole which was full of water, though I could see her blonde head under the murky hole. She grabbed onto the rope I threw on top of her and I pulled her up easily. The lake had drained empty and was now a vast mud hole.



I was at a water park slide with a very long ling of people lined down the stairs. It was a crappy waterpark and the slide was full of people, one after another. They wouldn't wait for the person in front to get all the way down the slide into the pool, and some were too fat for the slide. I eventually got to the top, but found myself down at the bottom in the pool, not remembering the slide down. What crap.

I'm trying to remember my dreams more and have a lucid dream. I keep my old journal right next to my bed. I wrote down in it "I will have a lucid dream tonight" but didn't. Just the weird lake dream. I'd like to have better control, better recall. I get in phases where I will remember a lot or have a recurring dream, or random dream control or a lucid one, but it's been a long time. I want to practice, but it's hard. I feel like I can't induce a LD or control or even remember that well these days. Once I'm asleep, my conscious mind is out the door.

1. A hotel where half of the guests act as butlers for the other guests.

2. A swimming pool full of confetti launchers that activate when you step on them.

3. Trying to put on stage makeup in the basement of the house in my old-old town.

4. Going to summer camp.

5. A bunch of girls invite me to a "het slumber party" on the stage of the gym in my old high school. Basically, everyone is supposed to sleep in a giant dogpile and prove their straightness by having no physical reactions to doing so. When I get into the dogpile, my pulse starts racing and I start to feel an *ahem* disturbance in the southern regions. To avoid suspicion, I pretend to be sleeping as heavily as the rest of them, but they still catch on and throw me out.

6. A crumbling old hotel.

7. I'm playing some sort of Mario Kart/F-Zero mashup game, and I win every race except the last one, where I come in second.

Two stress dreams. The second one was extremely vivid and emotionally very disturbing. I woke up distressed.

In which I visit a labyrinth-like bookstore and get trapped in a net...

R and I are in the city running errands and we drive past a small, locally owned bookstore. There is a book I want, so I ask him to stop for just a second while I run inside to see if they have it. I'd rather give them my money than Amazon, I explain.

R parks outside of the store, and I hop out of the truck. Then I realize I'm not wearing shoes. I enter the store anyway and apologize for my bare feet. The owner tells me that there is an extra pair of shoes upstairs that I can wear. I say that I'm just searching for the new book on Afghanistan, and I ask her if she has it. She says that she can't look for it unless I put on that extra pair of shoes. This irritates me a little bit, but I comply.

I walk through the store, which is designed like a maze with bookshelves making the walls. Finally I get to a large staircase and go up, expecting to find the shoes. Instead, I enter a fine dining establishment. There are waiters wearing starched white aprons pouring wine for bejeweled patrons enjoying candlelit dinners. I'm conscious of my bare feet. I ask a waitress if the extra pair of shoes are up here, but she just grabs me by the arm and removes me to the kitchen. She looks a lot like Sandra Oh, and I'm about to ask her if that is who she is when she ushers me over to a slide that she says will lead back into the bookstore. We go down the slide, but it empties into a giant nylon net in the yard out in front of the bookstore. All this time, the waitress is holding a big round tray above her shoulder.

She sits patiently in the net as if she does this everyday, but I'm really frustrated. She keeps telling me to calm down and explains that someone will be along sooner or later to let us out. Meanwhile, I see R in the truck in front of the store. He can't sit on the road for this long, and he starts to drive around looking for a place to park. I decide to make my escape. I pull out a pocket knife and cut through the nylon, ignoring the waitress' demands that I stop. Then I look all around to make sure no one saw me. The busboy is walking into the yard and he must surely have seen me, but I run fast towards the truck where R has just parked. He has already turned off the engine, but he is still inside. I run up to the passenger side, shouting all the while to start up the truck to make our escape.

We get away, but R is annoyed with me for causing a scene. He wants to know why I always forget to wear shoes in the first place.


In which brainwashed cult members throw rocks at my dog and I try to save two of them but they end up making me feel terrible about myself...

I'm sitting in my study in the back of my house when I glance out the window and see four men standing in my backyard. One is an older man, who looks just like Ian Holm, wearing a black duster coat with embroidered button holes over a pair of dark blue jeans and ornate rocketbusters. His black cowboy hat is pulled down low over his white hair, and he stands calmly with his hands in his pockets while my dog and my mom's dog run around excitedly, wagging their tails. A middle-aged man stands next to Ian Holm, dressed more like a farmer than a cowboy in a long-sleeved denim shirt, jeans and practical ranch boots. He is balding. The other two men are younger, tall and lanky. They run around with the dogs. They both wear old clothes, jeans and boots like the older men, with dusty and torn denim jackets. The taller man has longish hair, hasn't shaved for a while and wears a round felt hat; the shorter man is ugly with bad skin, red hair and stupid eyes.

I know who these men are, and I feel my heart start to panic. I calm myself for the dogs' sake and walk calmly outside. Just as I'm stepping onto my back porch, the red-headed man pretends to throw a ball for my mom's dog, Mott, but instead tosses a large cinderbrick. Mott runs out to catch it, and time seems to slow down the way it does when you are about to be in a car wreck. I know that if she jumps up to get it, it will smash in her skull. But meanwhile, Lucy is running towards the Ian Holm cowboy and I know that he is evil and will kill her. For a second, I wonder which dog I should call towards me and feel like I'm in a tricky situation. Then I decide just to distract them both and scream, "HEY!" and stomp my feet. It works. Mott turns to look at me and the cinderblock misses her head by just an inch and smashes to the ground. Lucy stops in her tracks and does not run up to Ian Holm. My heart is still pounding, but I want to act calm in front of the men. The two younger men are laughing hysterically. Ian Holm tips his hat but I don't acknowledge him yet.

"Come, dogs" I call, and Mott comes running towards me but Lucy does not. Lucy starts towards Ian Holm again. My heart sinks, but Mott is very close to me so I grab her first and put her in the house then run back out to get Lucy. Ian Holm is just about to touch her, and I know that if he does, it will kill her. I scream at her again, "LEAVE IT!" and she can tell by my voice that I'm serious. She cowers down in the grass at Ian Holm's feet, but I grab her collar before he can touch her. I put her in the house with Mott, take a deep breath, then go back out to talk to the men.

The two younger men are still laughing idiotically, but Ian Holm is calm. He doesn't care anymore about harming the dogs than a normal person would care about killing a fly. The situation has already left his mind, and he is ready to get to business. He will try to convert me to his cult. I'm one of the few people in the neighborhood who has held out and refused to join his cult.

I lead him into the dining room and he sits down a the head of a huge table (that I really wish I had in real life). It's made of thick cherry oak with hand-carved patterns of intricate vines and flowers over-laid with mother-of-pearl. The middle-aged farmer stands behind Ian Holm and hands him some blueprints and other rolled up papers. They tell the young men to wait in my kitchen. My father enters the room, and we sit down at the table with Ian Holm.

Ian Holm tells me about his cult. He makes persuasive arguments about the current unhealthy speed and stress of life, about the wastefulness of our cheap throw-away culture, about how selfishness and individualism leads to isolation and how we should embrace simplicity and community. He looks into my eyes deeply. It touches me and I tear up. I think of the power of charisma and this brings me back to my senses.

"Don't you realize I can see your sadness? Don't you realize I offer you relief?", he says. It makes my blood run cold. This man is evil. I'm too upset to talk calmly. All my arguments and learning are not available. I just want to shout and throw things. But I control myself.

"I understand what you are saying," I tell him, "and you have made good observations and identified real problems. I'm not arguing about that. I disagree with your solutions. You aren't the first person to realize these things," I tell him. "There is an entire history of social movements and philosophies that revolve around these problems. You are ignoring all that context. There are other solutions to these problems outside of the two sides you see."

His soft, penetrating eyes look at me coldly and I see a flash of evil and violence behind them. I feel triumphant. He didn't know who he is dealing with. My father intervenes before things get ugly.

"Go wait in the kitchen," he tells me. I leave, a little worried, because Ian Holm might just convince my father to follow him. This troubles me.

In the kitchen, I ask the two young men how old they are. The taller one with the hat tells me he is 25 and the ugly one says he is 40. I look at him and tell him that I don't believe that he is 40. He says he is old enough to be my father and that I should respect him. I laugh in his face and tell him that I'm a lot older than I look and that it would be impossible for a 40 year old to be my father. I ask how old he is again, and he admits that he is only 23.

"You're both children," I tell them. "Babies. Why are you following this old man?"

They start to spout a bunch of dogma about community and devotion and freedom from having to make choices. I can see that they are not well-read and that they have not thought very much about any of the things they are saying. I want to help them, so first I ask them if they have jobs or girlfriends and wouldn't they like to have their own money to do fun things? They respond by telling me that even King Soloman grew tired of all those things. I feel ashamed of having made such a lame argument. I wonder why I said all of that. These men are stupid, but it's even more stupid of me to have tried to convince them this way. Then the taller one asks me if I have a job and money. That was the lowest blow. I admit that I quit my job two months back. He looks at me and says, "So you are unemployed? You live here off your husband's money? What do you contribute? Who are you to lecture me about how to live?" He's right. I feel like a loser. I try to defend myself and explain that I worked for years until recently and that I'm going back to school now to change careers, but they just laugh at me.

I get very upset at this point and the dream becomes stressful and deteriorates because it starts to wake me up.

Fire And Rain

We were at the video store. Alexander was buying pornography and those nasty magazines like Zoo, and had given me a list of things we needed too. When we bought the stuff and went to leave the staff asked him if he'd worked there and I replied I had. Then I realised I'd left a lot of stuff in the shopping section so we went back in through clothes and footwear, and I found my schoolbag with my laptop again under a table in papercrafts.

Out we went, and down the street; somehow we we ended up walking with these two girls, discussing our choices of bank. One needed the toilet, and I said we'd just walked past one. We discussed the merits of public toilets. Then I followed the girls into a building, rather for too long as they seemed to be going to their jobs as desk jockeys, and eventually I realised following them was awkward and left, noting everybody doing the job seemed to be really young.

Outside, a group of pre-pubescent African-American kids had turned "Baa Baa Black Sheep" into a rap, and were now releasing it with two remixes as a single. Off in the distance, American robots stopped people going up a hill. A suicide bomber was there, and they were negotiating. Also somehow most of the world's water had become infected with a virus; you could tell if the water had a slight red tinge. Tony Blair was negotiating with the robots, saying people needed to get through to the airport, and he'd hoped to talk to Optimus Prime, not the (autobots? Decepticons? I forget exactly what he said in contrast). I walked off, found the man who'd drive me home, and a bunch of people were clustered about, considering the implications of the virus. I force-vomited up my lunch, to get any virus out, and tried to write a message using paint, and also a text message. Both were very difficult for some reason. A woman was selling the tiniest xylophones ever, another man was playing Fire and Rain by James Taylor on a guitar, and the Canadians had fresh water in jugs.

16.01.2011

Elephant poo (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Fragment 1
I am walking behind a giant elephant while pulling a rope that comes through the his legs. It poos as it walks and the poo gets stuck on the rope and down to my hand which I seemed to be okay with.
I would command it to stop occasionally for whatever reason and he would be very obedient so I would walk around to pet him. There is a trail of poo smudge under us. Night time.

Fragment 2
I am in someone's garage. It is night outside. As I walk further in, I see a man fold a green car using a little gadget, to the size of a small box. I now see a small car that's about 1x2x1 and is dark brown. Behind me I also see a red folding car that is folding by itself and looks almost like an umbrella folding.

Fragment 3
I am studying the effect of punishment on little children and teens. It is being made into a documentary.
I briefly see myself walk out of a classroom.

Fragment 4
I see a teen reading statistics off a chart to the rest of the class. He looks like a nice person. After he finishes, other students comment on the statistics. I now get a close up view of a student who is not complying and is making silly noises. The teacher tells him to stop but he wouldn't. He is unshaven and has a shaved head.

Fragment 5
I am a big kid in a playground. I see a smaller kid who had done me wrong and I swear at him while I close in on him at the wooden fence. Other kids do the same and we are bunched up like tuna in a can. I later tell a teacher about the bad things that he had done also.

Fragment 6
My mom and dad have come to CA. The purpose of her coming appears to be to cook for me. Dad says that a famous musician lives near the apartment and he knows because he used to live here. We are talking about this in a small room.

Fragment 7
I am having a conversation with aunt Tabitha-4 about a Tupperware container in a mall (?)

Dream 1
Abagail wants a coloring book by professor Richard Dawkins and I ask her why? Why not just a normal coloring book. It's too expensive. She doesn't give me an answer. I think this is while we are in a car (mom, dad, me, Abagail and Pascal). As I look out the window I see a temple fair going on at night. There are heaps of people walking in semi-darkness. I see a Thai monk sitting on a blue meditation platform. I see a room lighted by fluorescent light beyond the people and there I believe I see a Buddha statue and a monk.
I now find myself sitting in a small pavilion with the rest that were in the car. It is dark but that pavilion has a small fluorescent light. My brother is dressed in boyscout uniform. Abagail asks Pascal, what is Sati (buddhist term meaning self-awareness)? He doesn't know. My dad now criticizes Pascal for not being much tougher after boyscout camp.

I was visiting my high school, but the setting was not at my high school. In the
dream however, it was. It was night-time and I only recognize the campus from
a similar dream I had in the past. It would be quite difficult to describe. I met up
with a couple friends and we exchanged greetings and I walked down onto this
dock and the dream ended. The dream I had had previously was much more
in-depth.

I am getting home from hanging out with my best friend. I am not sure what we were doing
but he is still with me. I go to open the back door but it's locked, we rarely ever use the front
door. I don't remember pulling out my key or anything but I somehow managed to get it open.
I was slightly angry because it was not nighttime so my parents were awake and the door should
have been unlocked. I open the door but there is resistance. I push against it and overpower
it, prying it open to find my mom trying to push it closed. I manage to get inside and she is
laughing as if it is a joke. I become very angry and start spewing obscenities and storm up
to my room. I close the door and go over to my clock which is in the correct corner of my room
but the dresser it is sitting on is on the wrong wall. Also, the clock light is yellow as opposed to red
and it is huge, like an old piece of technology that requires a lot of mechanics. The housing is
about the dimension of a large book and the top is open so you can see a bunch of electronics.
I pull the clock closer so I can see the time better and it shuts off. I look at the connections inside
and push on a couple of the connectors until I find one that was slightly out. I push it back in and
the clock turns on again. I look. 8:58. It is in the morning. This was actually roughly close to the time
it was in real life, probably around 7:30. I remember doing something else then lying down in my bed.
I sort of went to sleep. Didn't have a "dream within a dream" or anything, but when I woke up, the layout
was normal. Everything reflected how it really is in my room. Then a thought popped into my mind. A
thought that crosses my mind in waking life quite frequently by my own intent. "Am I dreaming?". I
looked at the red digits on my alarm clock and it was a little fuzzy but I could make out 9:04. As soon
as I read and understood what time it was however. The clock sort of glitched. At first the digits just
flickered a little. Then they changed to Japanese characters. I became quite excited. "I am dreaming"
but I did not feel lucid. I thought to myself how I knew I was dreaming but it did not feel vivid at all. I
tried to make it that way but it did not work. I became disappointed and woke up.

I feel like I was so close to becoming lucid Damnit!

I went back to sleep and had a fragment of a dream I have had before:
2011-01-15.3F | NONLUCID

I have only a fragment memory of my dream last night.
It is a very explicit fragment... but very short.


Ya. S'all I'm saying.

I can't remember anything about the dream. I remember having a dream,
I just can't come up with anything about it. May be because I was late getting
to bed. Anyway, I decided to go back to sleep and see if I could have another
dream and remember it or jog my memory of this one.

I had 2011-01-15.2 | NONLUCID

Last Night I dreamed that I was in My unkles old house and his kids were not his kids they were some other ones. And they were vampires! And I knew that the boy was going to try to attack my but I didn't realy care that much. But when the kid did attack me There was blood every were and my unkle just watched me sufer and I turned into a vampire, and I was in soo much pain. And finnaly when I was a vampire I was suddenly with my friends and they were smoking! And they were all, it wont hurt you since your a vampire! So I started smoking , which is something I would never do! And me and my friends were jumping in the ocean and attacking inacent sea fish! The dream was tottaly cruel and visios! (how ever you spell that) It's like I have a wierd alterigo that I can't control! Why?

I am walking somewhere, wearing jeans, freeballing it.

I fart. No, I sharted. Did I? I grab the back of my jeans. Shit.

My cousin, Ciera, says, "Something fell out of your pants." [I]OH MY GOD. I AM MORTIFIED![/I]

I turn around. I see some things on the ground. She picks them up. "Your wallet and your keys." Ok....

"Oh, and there's a poop on the ground too."

I see what looks like a spiral doggy doo. I pooped my pants! But, wait, my fart was so powerful it made my wallet and keys fall out? Did those things come out of my butt?

1/16/11 - Realization
Dream Non-dream Lucid

I had to babysit two of my cousins last night, and my aunt and uncle didn't come home until about midnight. My uncle drove me home even though it was late, but I've had to sleep over before because of how late they can be. Enter dream scenario.

I was at my uncle's house, and he had just returned home. He told me it was 3 am, and that he'd have to take me home in the morning. I was a little confused. I remembered being in the car with him earlier, and wondered why he couldn't have taken me home then. Suddenly I realized that he already had taken me home, and that I was in my own bed, asleep. I basically spazzed out. I ran downstairs, and outside. It felt a little cold, because I'd been expecting it to be, but it really wasn't much different than the temperature inside. I knew for sure then that I was dreaming. I guess I was still a little shocked, because I woke up immediately.

I wish I'd remembered a lucid task or something! Maybe tonight...?