non-lucid

2017, 10-09

Woman of Shadows

I am in a house I don’t recognize. It looks like a haunted house of some kind. I also have the idea I need to find someone in there. I start exploring. Everything is creepy, there are strange noises all around me and I keep seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye that are moving but seem to disappear when I look right at them. I am also hearing strange whispering that I can’t quite understand. I’m not sure if the whispering isn’t loud enough or if it’s in a foreign language. I enter a living room with a couch and a flat screen television. The television has static on it with strange voices coming from it like some half received station. There is a couch there and I see a woman standing in shadow over near a doorway. She looks up at me and has a really strange looking grin on her face. In an instant she is then directly in front of me as if she’s trying to scare me. When I don’t scare she gets a scowl on her face and disappears with a loud shriek.

I know who I think that was… it has been Asuka, but either she was taking Halloween too seriously or something was seriously wrong. I call out to her, telling her to come back and I will help her. I get no response so I keep searching. I go down a long hallway with mirrors that do not reflect me, instead they show weird creatures crawling on the floors, walls, and ceiling of the hallway. I can’t tell what they are. I form a little ball of light energy around my hand and then use the mirror to reach out and touch the spot where one of the creatures is. There is a shriek of pain and it disappears as if it was burned. I continue down the hall and the door at the end opens on its own. I go through and it slams closed behind me. Now I see cloaked images all around me, floating around in circles around me. I think it’s supposed to be disorienting, but I gather a sphere of light energy and they all disappear as if they were nothing more than shadows.

There’s another hall, and there is strange writing on the walls in glowing paint. I don’t recognize the words or symbols though somehow I know it’s supposed to be a warning. I ignore that an continue, calling out to Asuka still. I enter an office at the end of this hall and Asuka is standing in the middle of the room… sort of. She looks more like a poorly received television signal or a glitched computer graphic. She doesn’t even seem to see me at all. She is looking around as if we were surrounded by something I can’t see. I go over to Asuka and take hold of her hand, now she notices me. I focus healing light energy through her and that makes the strange glitched effect go away. No she is standing here with me and really seeing me as if for the first time tonight. She says the demon’s name is Valek. When I look puzzled she says that’s the demon’s name, and having its name will give us power over it.

Asuka points to a black spot on the floor in the middle of the room and says that’s where the corruption begins. I call out the name Valek and command the demon to show itself. The demon appears above the circle looking really pissed. Asuka says he’s angry, but I can already see that. The demon looks a little like a bull with fire coming from its nostrils and it is glaring at me. I tell the demon to be gone from here and never return. Valek says I do not belong here. I say the demon is the one that doesn’t belong here… and now this ends. I use the song Enter Sandman by Metallica to create a vortex of light energy around the demon and ends with a large explosion of light energy that banishes all shadows in the room and passes through the walls to cleanse what’s outside. I look over at Asuka and she smiles before I wake up.

Dreams from October 8 to 9, 2017

This was one of my first Lucids of considerable length, toward the end. It was pretty exciting and encouraging.

Round 1 of Dreams

My Sister is over for a visit. I am trying to copy paste 4 columns. Something becomes too Satanic and I stop. I am in the downstairs bathroom deciding. Satan has a darth Maul face. Guy in T C G One-ish chat room asking me to play, and if I will eat these cookies. I hear I say no. I try to explain that I can't due to addiction. I hear the word "cigarette" and I see smoke coming in. It seems to be coming through a sealed door. What does it mean? Dream sign: Seeing smoke but not smelling it. I get upset. There are two faced Eckhart Tolle masks.

Round 3 of Dreams

There is lots of nasty water on the floor. Cleaning loads of nasty dishes with (removed by me). Stack of lost cell phones. (removed by me)So tired now. I think something woke me up. I feel some terror. Tired.

Round 4 of Dreams
(removed by me)Dream sign: Mom and Dad being together.
(removed by me)Something so scary, I can't pay attention.

(removed by me)


I am awake now. Dammit, I am awake now. I wonder if I should try to D J or just go back to sleep. I am so tired. I hear the noise of a plane overhead. I am angry.

Round 5 of Dreams: Justified Timetude, L D

I become lucid by paying attention to some written words. In my physical body, I am laying on my front. I start to have a dual body awareness of being in my bed, on my front, but also eating these chicken drum sticks at the same time, laying in my front. I worry that moving my arms will wake me up, but then I realize it is actually a dream. (removed by me)

I am eating chicken drum sticks out of big yellow and green bowls in the kitchen. There are thighs and wings in there, in a brown sauce. I am enjoying them. Eventually my Dad says they are old and I kind of throw them out or move on from eating them. I am eating the ones in the green bowl even though it is tipped over. I realize they could be months old.
(removed by me)

I'm at the kitchen sink, trying to do reality checks and stay lucid, and not wake up. I am worried about running out of time, or the dream ending. I affirm, "I HAVE INFINITE TIME!" while looking at the brown counter top. This seems to help.

Mom's Milanos are on the table. Woo hoo! I am excited about all this dream food. I am eating some. They are very soft. I want to save some for her.

I decide to make more of the dream. I picture the local market in my mind. I figure I will walk around the block, and go eat anything I want.

My Mom is in the living room. She is standing near the couch. She looks sad. I am pretty driven to get to the market, so I don't interact with her much. (I felt bad about this upon awakening.) She has a part of a pop tart in her hand.

The ceiling above the couch near the bay window is dripping. I am worried and want to fix it. Then I just let it go. I do move some stuff out of the way of the drip though. There is one orange vase I do something with.

Even within the dream, I have a sense of only having limited money. I want to ask if my Mom wants anything, but I think that will limit me from getting what I want.

As I think of leaving the house, I am aware that anything could happen in the dream. I could run into someone at the store. It could be a wild dinosaur world out there. That makes me hesitate to leave.



I also wrote that the bed changed places at least 3 times.

I think the idea of going to the market gave me a lot of anxiety within the dream.

In my room, I see an app on my phone called Justified Timetude. It has a battery icon but one of the sides is slanted. There is a percentage full bar in there that shows it being about half way, with half being green and half being black.

I think I remember seeing my desk underneath the window in my room. What I definitely remember is opening the window, punching out the screen window, and kind of rolling out to the front of the house. Then, I guess I got scared and ran back in through the front door, and back around to my room. Some of the sequence seems jumbled. I used to do the dream journals in more of a stream of consciousness format, without as much regard for the sequence. Now when I think through it in my head, I sequence it in my mind, before recording it.

I wake up saying, "I am still..." Because I think I was saying, "I am still dreaming", to myself in the dream.

Notes

It seemed like my Fii Write file cut off in the middle of a word. Was some of the original document lost? I hope not. It was only 4:15 A M when I finished that D J entry so there could have been room for one more.

Morning of October 9, 2017. Monday.



Zsuzsanna and I are sleeping in our bed in our present home, the bed being of the same orientation as in reality, though I perceive the house as somewhat different. It seems to be early morning.

Looking to my left, I see a tiger in a cage. It is close to our bed and parallel and longways to our bed. The tiger is lying on its stomach and does not seem either agitated or threatening.

There are ambiguous thoughts that cause me to contemplate that the “cage” (with vertical bars) is actually a baby cot, as, in real life, the cot is in this location and also has vertical bars. After a short time, I feel movement. It takes me a few seconds to realize that our bed is moving westerly, head first, rather than the “cage” being towed away easterly as I first considered (as there was a vague thought that it was part of a train).

I see a tall shadow on the wall (the part of the wall where our last telephone was in real life). I first “realize” that it is my shadow, then I realize that the bodily proportions are wrong and it is probably our youngest son (even though his head’s silhouette almost reaches the ceiling). This makes me consider, in semi-lucidity, that he is awake (which was true). The setting is then back to normal. No tiger, no movement.

---

Most of this dream is based on residual literal memory carried into the dream state. This is especially true of a bed scene, which is sometimes more of a result of a partial waking unless there is more distortion or a different location, though it is still not symbolic, simply the subliminal memory of having fallen asleep.

As already mentioned, we do have a “cage” (cot) to the left of our bed in reality. Additionally, there is a very large wall clock featuring a tiger in our lounge room, to the left of the door. The dream state confusion (basic thinking skills are not usually extant in non-lucid dreams) of a tiger image and the cot is unsurprising and not mysterious at all, especially as we have small stuffed tigers (of a somewhat realistic appearance) that had been in the cot at times in the past.

A telephone’s location (even if no longer relevant to where one is now) relates to the dream self’s subliminal awareness of communication with the conscious self identity or other factors outside of the dream state. A human shadow is usually my conscious self identity “looking into” (metaphorically) the dream state. In this case however, it was seemingly our youngest son. My dream self was perceiving his real physical essence as he was already awake.

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Met my old friends again, which I will call F and B. Or at least I considered them friends... Until for some reason they started hating me, the reasons mostly political. As the world grew more polarized, so did we. I'm a rationalist and centrist (from my point of view, I know), they were very much on the far-left of the spectrum. It didn't work.

So I met them again somewhere, and F talked about his time in university (which was ages ago in real life). He said they "at least banged the (forgot subject) teacher before the end of the year". I was a little... surprised he would speak of such explicit things, but I just said "really, cool!" or something like that. Then he said it was more of a gangbang, and the teacher was a dude. This really surprised me, as I realized this meant he was gay - a fact I didn't know about him. I don't recall what I said (it was a rhetorical question, out of surprise, not negative judgement), but he instantly interpreted as if I was being homophobic (they have always seen me as a Nazi, just for not buying into their radical leftist ideas) and offensive. The disgust on his face... summarized exactly how I feel my former friends feel about me. Clearly, I'm not over it. Then the other 'friend', B, suggested I was an antisemitist. Not sure how the conversation went that way. I defended myself and said I wasn't... because I'm not, the suggestion is ludicrous. He dismissed my defense, with that same look of disgust as the other friend from before. They hated me... for being something I am not! If only they could see through my eyes, or look into my mind, and see I am none of the things they think I am. Anyway, he pulled out his phone, opened Facebook and showed a comment I made on a picture as evidence of my "antisemitism". It was a pro-Israel post condemning atrocities committed against them. Despising hypocrisy, I replied something sarcastic, reminding them of how the atrocities they are committing themselves (in Palestine, presumably). And that was, from B's point of view, evidence I was a Jew-hating Nazi.

I felt miserable when I woke up. The world has gone insane. Or is it just me who has gone insane?

In the first dream, I remember going to J's house on his computer and constantly forgetting whether or not I was awake. I asked my aunt for some dream recall pills and she said no. I also remembe being in my art class for a short time, and then I remember being on a forum of people talking about satanic movies. In this same thread, we were making a poster of a guy who resembled Marilyn Manson with a bunch of signs on him that had quotes from satanic media.

In another dream, I was leaving school through the MP room. This MP room resembled the one from my elementary school. Shortly after attempting to leave the MP room, I was forced to play soccer or something. I protested against this, saying that I was an atheist or something. After that happened, I finally left. The exit resembled the one from my current school.

I was messaging someone on an old fashioned tv, so between doing that I could switcvh channels. It was early morning in a big ass house, still dark outside. I got up not disturbing my daughter I thought and found it was like a mansion. There was room after room and even a guy delivering chopped wood coming out of a cellar. I wanted to nose at the rest of the house but was compelled by a notion that I was late for work. (Apparently there had been something about me getting married in a prior dream that I started thinking about realising I had not invited people).
There were toys strewn everywhere from my daughter (who was about 3 as usual) and other children were playing. On leaving I looked up at the house, onto a tree lined leafy street. It was green and victorian mansion like, above was a green tower to the left. And when the few rays of sunlight hit it I saw it was then kind of stripy being half glass and have green stone at the top.

Getting carried away with my powers I was teleporting around short distances instead of speed running but noticed that there was an after image of where I had just been.
The after image started lasting for longer each time, then it started looking different from me.
It seemed to be a paradoxical principal that if the "clone" image was there for to long it became dissimilar from me and could not be reincorporated back into me. So they just became people, independent of me. This craziness continued and ended up with having back clones and good clones all over the place.

For this lucid I will use a purplish color since the dreams were eerie and like a nightmare.

Strange

I was lucid crawling in a long narrow blue tunnel that represented my mind. As I crawled in there I saw my mother pass by and quickly followed her. I lost her for a moment but I chose which path to go through, ready for whatever came. The last thing I saw was a small hole on the side of the tunnel. A red/yellow eye filled the hole and peered at me as I looked. The scene changes to my room next.Someone is positioning me in the right place but I move away than wake up

Strange, Strange Place

I was non lucid trying to find my way out of a preschool. The principal was trying to make me stay because I found out about them abusing children.Somehow I managed to get away though.

Next I recall being with a group of guys in a different place that felt like the Caribbean.I was given a empty gallon holding pill drugs. Apparently it was our source of power and would keep us away from the cops and people who wanted to get rid of us. But as we were walking outside a group of cops were called in and they were searching for those with our power. I quickly took the drug in an attempt to get away but ended up in the same place with time turned back. It felt like I died many times before that so I asked my friend next to me "how much longer do we have to do this before we find our home?". He said he wasn't sure but to follow him. I followed him, hoping this rick and morty dimension jumping thing would stop. (I don't watch the show but did see a few scenes on youtube before).After following him we spread out cause of the cops again. I ended up running into a crowd of cannibals."Stay back or taste my fire!"I shouted than burned them all. They didn't burn completely but it was enough to get away.

The scene changed after that and I was watching a video of my mom's old friends on vacation in a Caribbean water park. I than stopped watching the video, saw a image of a bloody scene and turned away to notice I was by myself in a small wooden house. It felt like I was in Africa alone and I could feel a presence waiting to jump out from the dark room.

I quickly ran out and held the phone trying to message my father but I noticed I was now in a huge parking lot where people were selling and buying things from swindlers or those trying to make a living."I better hide this before someone steals it and I'm left on my own". I put the phone under my shirt and pretended to have a hurt stomach as I walked. A tall, slim dark skinned man sees me and approaches. "What do you have in there? Take it out right now".I dont take it out and reply "It's a box with ice inside. I have a stomach ache". He doesn't believe and continues to follow me. "Look at the shape of it. You going to tell me that's a box?Take it out right now" he said. I didn't trust him so I still didn't. Than suddenly a chubby pale boy wearing orange takes out a huge gun and begins arguing with his mother near a crowd. The mother pleads with him not to shoot but he starts shooting her and those in the crowd. I run away to behind a fence than look quickly. After that I crawl quickly on the ground to get further away without being noticed. The guy who was pestering managed to get away as well.

Last thing that happened was I ended up in a hotel trying to call my dad on the phone and wondering
how much more distance would I have to run to get away from the danger.

Dream recall has still been poor lately due to inconsistent sleep patterns. I'll get it down though.

First dream: A pale, strawberry blonde girl is flying, enveloped in a golden aura of light. Then the aura disappears, and she falls to her knees on the ground. Someone says "She is an angel, but all her light is gone."

That was rather depressing.

Second dream: I recall someone giving me a large pile of change, and I was excited because I wouldn't have to deal with trying to find quarters for the laundry machine for a while (because I hardly ever pay for anything in cash, so I don't have a lot of quarters IRL). Then I woke up and realized that I still don't have any quarters.

I was watching guitar hero youtuber randyladyman, who offered to help me fix my guitar (that I don't actually have yet). In the video, I was on a list of other people with the same problems. He said in the video that I needed to be more specific with the name of the file and some other things. That makes sense, because the of the file was literally just "file". I changed that, and then gave it to him because I idn't know how to fix the other things. I also remember playing the game. I'm sure I had this fragment because yesterday I beat guitar hero 3 on medium with a regular controller. I did it on medium because orange is registered as X on the controller and the rest are the shoulder buttons.

Should not have watched scenes of this movie, haha! I was in a gun battle with several other people. Two men were shooting at each other, and I was firing my pistol at one of them (he had his back to me). He had a health bar. He was down to 9% health, and my hits (I was definitely hitting him) did no damage, so I suspected "hax". Then at one point two more people attacked me from the left. I grabbed a shotgun and fired on them, but probably missed. Also typical, I found it very hard to pull the trigger of my pistol. This *always* happens in my gun dreams. Triggers are impossible to pull. I didn't get killed, but woke up nevertheless. Let's call it a draw?

I'm in a room with a bunch of other people. We're the German resistance, rebelling against the current German government (present day). Much to my surprise, my grandmother (deceased since 2009, she was a Nazi and fled Germany when the Soviet army invaded from the east) was also a part of the resistance. But then, the government (presumably) sent in a T-1000 (Terminator 2) to hunt us down. We scattered and ran in various directions. We were now in an industrial area, resembling the kind of chemical plant I used to work at. I sprinted as fast as I could which admittedly wasn't fast. Then, I suddenly "remembered" I could fly. I just felt I could. I took off, and flew away from the industrial area, over the river where it was located. I was afraid I might lose altitude and fall in the water, as I hated getting wet, feared drowning and knew I could never take off again from the water. I reached the opposite shore, where there was a city. I was at the waterfront, and saw a man and a woman at a bench. The man was doing magic tricks, though I saw no audience. I was just hovering two feet above the ground instead of walking, and showed it to him saying "I can do magic too!". He did not look impressed, and waved his hand underneath me, thinking there would be a wire or some kind of other object supporting me. But when he saw there was nothing, he realized I was hovering for real. They both looked flabbergasted no. I said I could fly, too. I found it hard to take off from a level surface, so I jumped off the waterfront path (into the water). I flew, and gained some altitude. People were watching now, and to be honest I was being vain and I enjoyed the attention. I did some more stuff like fly up and walk across a building' walls horizontally (briefly).

In a later scene, I was in a supermarket. I met a former colleague (Gaspard). I greeted him and we chatted a bit.

I am actually posting this on March 12 of 2018 but the dreams themselves were from October 6 and 7 of 2017. I am just typing up from older notes.

Dreams from night of October six to seven, 2017

I made a note, after round one of dreams, 2 self tired.

Round 2 of Dreams

Map of day? Showing a family's events. Thing in mall?

Standing near Pokemon Booth. Waiting for a print out. B D. I know I attracted attention.

A plug in a shower faucet. I am plugging a different plug into a. It has an extra power plug?

Cage thing. Now I am running late.

Needing an injection? A guy is screaming.

Mom is with someone. C? I am on the phone with her. Are they smoking? We seem to be at Nana's house.

Round 3 of Dreams

A cat thing was jumping up and biting me. It didn't really hurt but it was weird. I put out some milk for it, to distract it.

I was tired while writing those.

Round 5 of Dreams

I am at the beach at the end of my home town, where they have the football field and the tunnel that goes to the other beach, walking by the drive way in. Someone is smoking. I want to yell at them, but I hold my breath. I run away toward the turtle habitat and avoid the smell.

People trying to look bigger than they are using smaller clothes.

It is 7:58 A M. I am missing the men's meeting! I dial in. G, M, and J's voices? Now the clock says 9:01. It has skipped an hour. I think to myself. Oh, well, at least I can catch the meeting on Sundays.

There are Pokemon on a screen. I see a new fire and water Pokemon.

There is a place to go where it spirals down and I have to jump down the center. It is supposed to be magic. There are no beams. I wonder how they got it to spiral around like that. It is a magical place where if you die, you don't feel any pain, and you immediately incarnate back to where you jumped from with no time having passed. But what is the thing about jumping down? There is a certain layer that you jump to and then I guess you get some powers.

(5 months later I definitely remember that part. It had a very cool feel to it. I remember green grass and blue water when I looked down, I think. And just a very bright and positive feeling. )

We are all around the table. Mom, Dad, Sister and I. Dad is talking about buying more stuff. I am trying to warn him not to stupidly use a credit card. My red debit card falls out. Dad has already bought us all some stuff.

Notes

5 months later, I can remember how I had so many more fragments. I can see how my recall has improved. The paradise dream thing still gives me a warm feeling when I think about it. I had totally forgot about that until I reviewed this entry, so it shows the importants of reviewing old D J's.

I was non lucid at my father's house paying attention to a strange small man with a orange tech wrapped around his body. As I observed him, listened and looked at the random animals popping up around the yard I became lucid."I gotta go" I told the small man that sort of reminds me of tingle. He didn't seem like he wanted me to leave but I just jumped out the window than flew around the house. I changed my mind about roaming about like usual though. After going inside i found my older sister and a black cat that looked like the kitten my brother had gotten than gave away. As the cat bit an object on the ground I picked up a dream phone and looked at the numbers/letters." I know I usually use words or numbers but this time I'm just gonna use feeling only".

I thought about having a signal with Dawn and the feeling of his presence until I heard his voice. "Uh,Hi this is...".I stopped myself."Should I try a prank call for fun?".I changed my mind though and decided to hear him out after saying who I was. But than I heard someone arguing with him while he was on the phone.I tried responding but than a double of my voice appeared.Putting the phone away now I went out the door to see people on bleachers near the beach. A surfing competition was going on. After poking a D.C. I heard the voice of the guy arguing with Dawn. I wanted to get a better look at the bottom part of where I was so I swung down with a salmon colored curtain. I ended going down hard though and covering the surfers with the curtain. Someone flew to help me and the surfers after that but I woke up.

Morning of October 7, 2017. Saturday.



In the first part of my dream, I am seated at a picnic table, though it appears to be some sort of school. I am sitting at the third picnic table from the front of the class where the teacher is. (I am sitting in about the middle on the side opposite the side closest to the front of the room. I am facing the front of the room.)

At one point, a young version of Zsuzsanna comes in and sits down directly on my left. The teacher objects to this, claiming that my talking to other students will distract from the class. I threaten him and tell him that he should not be so disrespectful of natural human relationships.

He comes over to us with a folded piece of paper, opens it, and starts trying to “teach” us about vampires, zombies, and fictional creatures in general, that is, integrating them into a calculus problem, and I inform him that those are not even real, not a part of life (at least my life), and I then tell him that he is crazy and should not be teaching such garbage.

Eventually, there is some sort of activity outside. Apparently, a road has been altered by some sort of “flaw in time”. I and the other students start to take notes to determine what the source of the problem is.

The road is unusual, as traveling in one direction, one sees roadkill (at least three unidentifiable dead animals) but traveling in the opposite direction, one sees a couple rabbits and a groundhog or two. These are apparently the animals that have died when traveling from the other direction. I start to consider that it may actually relate to the mentality and beliefs of the people walking or driving down that road.

The students stand in a long line along the road (parallel to the road) doing calculus equations to discover what is going on. I notice a young boy who is writing on a large sheet of paper. I tell him to make sure he is solving the vertical parts of the equation (such as complex fractions, though the imagery actually does have unrealistic longer vertical sequences including sigma summation in vertical form) as well as the horizontal and he nods and tells me that he is. I then ask him if he knows what the symbols are, specifically the “sideways M” (sigma), and he nods again. I look again to see if there are any symbols for vampires or other nonsense. My dream fades from here.

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