All DJ Entries

I'm driving away from a mall-like school. There's a feeling of emptiness surging through my veins and my head starts to feel heavy with thought. I can't understand why He would do such a beautiful and unbelievable thing then just walk away expecting me to function without him. It's as though he's insensitive to the sensitive.
My mom sees me internally freaking out and coos,
"Are you okay, Honey?
In an instant I'm knocked off my pedestal by her voice. It's as though an angel swooped down from the heavens and slid into my mother's mouth and is seeping out in fragments of words.
She looks at me blankly and I blurt out, "Oh. No. Nothings going on, what must you think such a think?" And I force a wide smile across my face.
"No reason, Honey. How was the mall?"
If only she knew what just happened. If only anyone know, especially him, I could come clean of all the mess I've made inside of myself. Days like this I miss being a child; a life without worry or possession, where my mind was as clear and vast as the summer sky and my heart was as fertile as sweet violets in spring.
"It was all right."

I'm sort of glad she's lost interest in my mall venture. I can't stand talking about it anymore.
I look out the window as our car comes to a red light, and next to me is a group of guys in a Range Rover hollering out like wild animals. I can't quite distinguish what they're hollering about but something tells me I don't want to know.
I make out one of the guys for being the best friend of my crush. I instantly shutter in my seat at the thought of him knowing and look away as fast I can. I know he doesn't know but something tells me he may. I mean, guys don't gossip as much as females; do they even talk about anything other than sports and hot chicks they'd like to bone and video games? Over my thoughts I hear the word crush and look over to my right and see all the guys in the car next to us staring directly at me. I now understand why deer don't move when in the focus of two daunting headlights. Why they'd rather sit and watch them pull closer. They can't move even if they'd tried. It's an act of utter shock and fear.
My mom pushes forward and they turn the corner away from us.
I'm flooded with relief when I look over to my mom. It's as though she knows everything. That this entire time she's been my guardian angel watching over every little thing I do. I turn away in relief and stare at the trees and rows of tiny houses. I hear a sound of music; like a flute or a clarinet in the distance. It pulls closer and takes me along with it. I try to figure out where the beautiful music is coming from when I turn to mother and notice that she's turn on the radio (DUH).

I relax in my seat. I turn to my mom and as I'm about to speak she stares at me and her face stretches into a forced smile and her skin begins to sag then pull apart from her bone. She starts to turn inside out and her flesh becomes prominent and her eyes buck out of her head like she's accusing me of treason. She looks like she can see right through me, that she's reliving the memories of me walking around school trying to figure out which class He has and where and when to be just so I can see him for only a few seconds. Me in the bathroom crying because I'm too afraid to say a single word to him. The times in my room consumed with restlessness because the thoughts just won't stop pressing in. I plunge out of the car in embarrassment and watch as she turns to a tiny speck of dust.

As I sit I try to calm myself of all the trouble that has befallen me. The process runs clean until I turn behind me and see the car with the piles of boys in it charging towards me, and again, I'm trapped in its light, unable to move. Before the car completely tramples me it stops and one of the boys emerges from it. He steps in reluctance and my heart begins to beat faster and faster with each step he takes. In any moment I could suffer from a massive heart attack, until he looks at me and reaches out his hand.
His face is like a magnifying glass placed in front of a sunset. He looks so warm and reassuring, as though his face promises I long night of rest. I can finally breathe now. Time just seems to cease in these few moments and forever seems like an understatement.
I begin to take his hand and start to feel myself coming back together, when all time seems to fall back into its place, in tenfold. Before our skin can touch, I'm drifted into another dream-like state in the middle a desolate field in the fruits of winter.
It's freezing cold and my skin starts to fold like leather. I look down and the ground is a great sheet of ice and before I can't blink the floor shatters into tiny shards and I fall along with them, encased in their wrath and forced into a continuum of pain. I look below me and see nothing but what's above me and so on. Then I notice a flickering light. It starts as a tiny speck then builds into a gaping hole, the size of a world, and pulls me towards it. Within it is a picture of the guy I saw at the mall. The one who has my desires and fears in the palms of his hands. He's sleeping like a child whose fallen asleep during a bedtime story. I somehow find the will to swim towards him before he fades. But as I stroke he ebbs away, like sand in the wind. And before time and space can catch up to me, I'm thrown out of the existence of dream and shredded into reality.

Night. I was on the second floor. I dropped a yellow-and-black boomerang on the roof below, and then it fell on the ground. A guy passed by. I asked him to throw it up, but he missed twice. I told him it's okay, I'll just pick it up later. I think I thought of making a move on him. A name: Maranao, a local tribe ("People of the Lake (Lanao)"). (I don't think I've thought of the name for years).

Day. We were dancing along the street. We were practicing. I recognize Kris.

Night. Traffic in a rather woody area. I was in a building. I imagined EDSA (highway), with all the night lights of its tall buildings and cars.

Day. I was in a desert. I was a creature or a monster of sorts. Lizard-like. Nearby, there are people/buildings. Blood samples from a frozen plant.

Night. I was going up the third floor. Saw someone there, someone I like. I forgot the name/face.

I jut remember a fragment of being in a house. No LD.

Finally, after a month and a half without lucids and with the poorest dream recall, tonight I've had two lucids (short, but still, lucids) thanks to some MILD affirmations.

The first dream took place at my grandma's. I was at the kitchen because I was going to make myself a sandwich. I reached for the fridge and saw a test tube with the white of an egg in it. I thought an omelette was a good idea, but that I needed the whole egg. For some reason, I went to the living room and quickly noticed the Swiss wall clock my grandma has wasn't a clock at all, but a painting of a landscape. I shouted at the top of my lungs: "this is a lucid dream!" I was so excited after all this time that the dream started shaking, so I leaned against the wall and asked myself to calm down. A few seconds afterwards, I ran towards the stairs and shouted: "from now on, I will have lucid dreams often". I then heard ny grandma asking me not to shout and for a second I feared I may not be dreaming, but I was pretty sure I was.

Then, I "awoke" and laid still for a few seconds recalling the dream. When I started writing it down on my phone, I noticed it was cutting fragments and pasting them elsewhere, and it was taking me a long time to write the dream. Finally I realised I had to be in a false awakening, so I asked to awake for real so I could write the dream properly, and the false awakening too.

11/20/14 Earlier an incredibly vivid non-lucid and possibly a little semi-lucid in spots before my LD. I'm on a trip to a hauntingly beautiful Pacific Northwest town of "Ted"...was that correct? is there such a town? Town name given to me when told where I would take my blood to a "lab nurse assistant" in town..."Where's Ted?" "It's this area we are in." "how much do I have to pay?"(for the lab work) -I just put the hotel on my amex and wondered if i will have enough credit for the whole trip. (Rushed notes mostly for myself...sorry so sloppy...feel free to skip to the blue text=lucid dream) My #Dad is there. We have at least two rooms. A 2nd employee came shortly after I got in line to check in at hotel and he helped me quickly. At check-in they gave us a black vinyl record with a label indicating it is about the local area. "So each room has a record player??" Transition to us "watching" the record (record has an ability more like an old video laser disc?). So I am watching this tour of the beautiful local area in what is revealed at the end to be a VR motion simulator. The simulator is apparently where I am seeing the beautiful images of the coastal area and thickets that we are now flying over..."we would call those thickets because they are areas hard to walk through." The scenery and beautiful/gloomy slightly foggy "air" of everything makes me think of a dark crime movie where a young girl's death was being investigated. I even have the thought that this experience (which in hindsight is definitely a dream) could be affected by that movie...as if I am semi-lucid..? (About a week ago I was reading about the director's more recent movie and thought about having seen this older movie years before when reading about the director). People in lobby with a suitcase open, is it theirs?...girl friday I pretend I don't particularly care that she just arrived...where was she? oh yeah she drove separately and left later...I'm naked on bottom and I put my underwear back on and seemed confused as if I was in the middle of changing. My #eldestNephew is next to me on couch...larger group on trip than it seemed at first. #eldestBrotherInLaw says the #4 needle was perfect but the #2 needle hurt (bad) which makes no sense (possibly record needle to medical needle dream transition). Transition to where I draw blood in bathroom, no pain. blood spill...blood bag too full. 2 different hotel workers come by as I am now in hotel hallway. First one I tell him it's blood...2nd one named Hank is very curious about my cup...I now claim it's juice (after I moved blood into small white paper cup). Blood quite red at first but with 2nd guy Hank, in hotel cleaner garb, blood was purplish and cup barely filled now...blood seeping through paper? Wake.

Previous dream was one of those dreams that launches a thousand ships due to its awesome vividness...or at least a dozen!..launching a nice longish LD with multiple scenes! :

Later-morning LD...
(I think this is the beginning of my dream, so possibly quick DILD realization) I'm in a bedroom/living room combination and I hear the answering machine come on and it is "Jane Green of Columbia" asking me to call her back and I immediately recognize her name from my previous dream (though I can't remember the context...possibly false memory) and realize that this is a dream. On the other side of the room is my brother and I tell him how glad I am to see him and I interact with him a little bit . The dream then fades into what at first seems similar to dreamlets but I am able to enter most of them and watch many of them form in front of my eyes including a school hallway scene and in between would be void-like darkness where I used a rhythmic squirming motion (dream body is present) much like what I imagine a mammal with it's appendages would use to swim underwater or may be based on videos of such swimming. Weird! But it kept me moving and felt great moving me into scene after scene. I am hopeful that I was navigating some very brief NREM moments...otherwise my dreaming mind simply created such a dream with void-like gaps. Anyway some of the other scenes include being in a hallway and seeing the door that had a beach scene on the entire door kind of like a poster but more like a professionally designed door that led to a spa facility perhaps. I was completely expecting to phase through it and into a beach like scene but I think I did have in the back of my mind that phasing could collapse the visuals even though I have had no issue phasing at other times...I got a dark void again but wasn't the least bit concerned and I squirm/swim my way to the next scene. There was a scene with a bad guy in a black cloak and hooded outfit and I fly towards him throwing energy bursts at him. I get another bad guy in the next scene but ignore him and look around. There are quite a few scene changes that I am losing some of the details. Scenes with a sexy woman. And one of the last scenes I got caught up reading aloud a fairly long passage of text and seem to be lost in the moment before my awareness kicks back in and I realize that I'm back to dreaming again. I pause in order to commit all of these scene changes to memory and the blackness this time is the back of my eyelids....Counting as one long-ish LD and I am sure I am forgetting some details due to the vastly different scene changes. 233

I had a wake back to bed between that really vivid non lucid dream possibly becoming semi lucid and the subsequent series of lucid dream scenes. Instead of my normal SSILD I go back to bed and lightly and dreamily think about my previous vivid dream and go through my memories of it and this seems to keep my head in the right place to allow me to quickly become lucid when dreaming starts. Yesterday I also played with self awareness through a little silly dance or silly faces which seems to allow me to see myself from the outside more quickly than my usual clear light based perspective and found it clearly bringing more awareness to my self.

11/15/14 Unstable OBE after SSILD and vibrations, didn't get very far, should have been more patient at the beginning. 232

I had to put this somewhere...I just saw Jessica Chastain in last night's Daily Show interview...and I must say my heart fluttered...dang is she so lovable and stunningly beautiful in that interview! Maybe I can go on a date with her in dreamland!

Sometimes I am curious of what the inside of houses I have never been inside looks like. So I go in and see something that I have never been in. I wonder sometimes if it's an accurate depiction of what is inside the house.

On another note I have found that dream time is starting to extend it self further and further the more I pay attention and try to focus on the dream not collapsing. I think to myself that the dream lasted an hour, but truly it always feels much less. I am not sure if either is correct or if it has something to do with how conscious I am when dreaming, but it's an interesting step I will admit.

Some non lucid bits and pieces this time.

My wife wondering why our goldfish looked dead - no answer to that!

A man coming into the shop to exchange a pair of brogues, he picked up a stupid looking slip on pair which I don't stock IRL, so why didn't I RC? - bah!

One of my staff 'coming out' and I never reacted at all.

In a motorway service area. A pleasant wee old Asian man was selling knitwear and t shirts. I asked him if this was the entire winter collection, he said yes and then said he'd be only to glad to help a Doig.

That's my lot!

I was looking at a couple having sex on a bed. They don't have clothing. Yellow-themed. The woman leaned away from the guy. There's some sort of oil on the guy's chest. He's mostly hairless. I licked on the chest and got some of oil on my tongue. My tongue went numb.

I was in a room with a lot of people. It's still yellow themed. Not sure if this came before or after the previous one. I was practicing my Capoeira moves, while trying to avoid hitting people.

I forgot about my dream goals cause I was so distracted.

Dream 1

Something I don't recall happened. Than I was in my house and was about to eat the rice and sashitas my brother told me to eat. But I was distracted when a trailer similar to the Steven hawking movie appeared. Instead of him though the main character was Miley Cyrus. She said she could do whatever she wanted to make her life exactly how she wanted to live it. Than suddenly we appeared on a beach and she was with a buff guy and a horse. I was like seriously? I was surprised that her money was able to do these things for her. That's when suddenly animals like the penguins of Madagascar appeared and started fooling around. They weren't penguins though, I think they were koala bears or something. They were small, fluffy and had ears like bears.

Dream 2

Once again something I don't recall happens. Than I appear in my living room in the dark. Someone who has a brightly colored wand that looks like its from sailor moon comes up to me. The guy says their going to stick it up my butt if I don't do what he wants.I didn't like that outcome but just ignored him and made sure he stayed far away from me. There was someone else around but I don't recall what they were doing.

I think the scene switched after that and I was now in a outside area surrounded by eviornmentalist people. A lady was doing a show of her eating a strange insect. She was reminding the camera people how it was a foggy day at the time but they made it look sunny. Than suddenly a guy and a little boy dressed like DBZ or a orange fox got attacked by a fox. They got hurt in the leg but the soidgers were able to kill the fox in time. After they were taken care of and were happy again the scene changed.

I was outside in a fence like area with a Asian man and I was a Asian woman. The man was worried and told me to stay close. I than noticed that beyond the fence was another area where soidgers stood above a crowd. We were trying to get on the ground but I felt that the area was too open to hide. I also noticed a couple of anime characters that seemed villainous there. I told him it would be OK and went through the gate ghost like. I began to tap the anime character shoulders and started creeping up on them trying to speak japanese. My voice slowly started to echoe and was slowly getting loud. I began to count them in Japanese Ichi, ni, San, shi, go, roku,hachi. Than suddenly a guy that looked like the main character from yowamushi pedal grabbed my tail or leg.

The scene changed again after that and I was in a small room with my sister and my cousin. I was about to eat a big red gum but my sister said to eat the juicy fruit gum instead. We started talking about something I don't remember and the scene changed.

I was now on my bed and couldn't move much. There was a T.V. and a old lady on the screen was talking about how she wanted to lose weight I think. Than I felt someone come into the room but I closed my eyes cause I was a little scared. After they touched my hand I saw a image of a paper and a anime doll that looked like kirito on the table. I also saw chibi drawings and a clay model of a anime girl. Than the scene changes. I'm looking in the eyes of someone else and a lady and others are trying to get ready for a picnic or party. But one of the guys there tells the lady " Sorry. But the anpan, the patalios and the crescent fell off the toaster oven's thing. Basically it was a mess. The lady just fixed the food I think. Than I appeared somewhere else.

I was in a light blue room and in front of me was names and number of comments and chibi pictures of dreamers that were awake and dreamers that was asleep. I saw a chibi dragon on one and thought it was cute. I clicked on it but than I woke up.

The weird thing is that when i woke up like 1 sec as I lay down I felt a small burst of vibration in a part of my head. I think it was cause I woke up from a deep sleep so I'm not worried about it though. I looked it up online and others have experienced something like that too after waking up.

Dream 3

Something about eggs.

Dream 4

I was in my house and there was a baseball field in a small hole and someone hit a golfball to my brother's head. The ball had blood on it and it fell on the floor. I picked it up and it changed to purple. I threw it out though since it had blood on it.I knew it was a dream for some reason and ended up in a downstairs room. A girl DC appeared and two other DCs. A girl dream character brought me cake. Chocolate cake, coconut cake and another cake. It was sooooo good.

She said if I slept with her she would give me more though. But I just kept eating the cake and told her no. I wanted to see if I could go through the roof to the living room so I started jumping on the bed. But I couldn't fit my whole body through. I looked to the side of the wall and saw the year 1779 appear. I thought how weird that was than left the room and saw that everything was turning black. I summoned a DC to carry me through the darkness but the DC dissapeared and so did everything else.

Dream 5

My dad sold my parakeets cage and put my birds in a tiny cage. I was mad but than everything started turning anime like. I was a little girl and me and my friends were going to a pet shop to buy more birds and a cage. But before we could I picked up a small yellow bird I found on the floor with the other birds. Than I woke up.

NA

Hi Gig*

Last week Saturday 23 Jan (2010) a long term guest and friend here at the boarding house told me he was going interstate for a month to have a holiday with friends. Later he handed me his key as he enthusiastically pulled a suitcase trolly out the front door, heading off to the Interstate bus station.*

A couple of days later, say, Wednesday 27 January, I was coming out of my room and as I walked down the corridor I saw the guest (Steve) come down the stairs and turn to the bench, checking to see if he had any mail. As he picked up and looked at the envelopes I thought "he is supposed to be at the Gold Coast for another 3 weeks with friends having a holiday".*

I distinctly thought:*

"I guess things have gone wrong for him to be back so soon but I will not pri as he probably won't want to talk about it".*

I said "Hi Steve" and with out looking up he said "Hi Deb". And I walked passed him to the kitchen and put the kettle on and went on with my day.*

I didn't see him Thursday or Friday or Yesterday. So, to day, while I was cleaning I asked some other guests if they had seen Steve in the last couple of days. They hadn't.*

So that was a blinking DREAM.*

It is as if my mind is going to extraordinary lengths to get me LUCID.*

There was absolutely NOTHING dreamlike about that experience, except that, in the dream, I knew he shouldn't be there cos he was at the Gold Coast having a holiday with friends.*

Just thought I'd share that.

I found that old experience just now as I was reading som of gigs interesting old posts on another old site and decided that I want it in my dream journal.

Steve returned after his month holiday. That was over 4, almost 5 years ago.

At some point I tried to manifest Dawn. He looks nothing like DawnEye11 showed me in her picture; he has white hair but it is medium length and curly. He has on a white sweater and a brown vest, and thick glasses. He smiles at me and I lose the dream.

I am on a beach somewhere, standing on a dock. Out at sea there is this huge waterspout churning in the water. It is being created by some manifestation of evil or something, and supposedly it is going to to continually chase me and try to drown me, like those big waves that I always see in my dreams.
I nose pinched and became lucid. I decided I would rather than run, face the fear of drowning and go into the spout intentionally. I jumped off the end of the dock and ran across the surface of the water directly into the waterspout. As I got close, some lightning struck nearby, as if to warn me.
I looked closely at the spout itself, and how water seemed to be streaming both up and down it simultaneously, and it also seemed to be rotating. I recall it having a very textured look almost having 'spikes' on it.
I ran in and let myself lose my balance. I just let it do its thing and, knowing that I was dreaming, I could take it. I mostly tumbled around in what felt like mostly water and little bit of wind. It spun me up and up a long ways. I had my eyes closed at first, but slowly I opened them. I felt less and less water and it felt colder. I could see how the waterspout was sucking water off of the ocean and depositing it in a storm cloud. (I'm sure that's not meteorologically accurate.)
When I got to the top, I could see down through the eye of the spout all the way to the bottom. For some reason this part of the cloud had an invisible floor and I could walk around and view the spout from different angles from above. I could also see the island that I had started on, and the beach with the dock. It was quite a veiw.
For some reason I thought the dream had ended. I manifested a computer and went on dreamviews to type about the dream that I had.
...
I was sitting atop a sand dune (same beach) The waterspout was gone. I was simply looking around, trying to wrap my head around lucidity.
"Okay, so this is a dream... This is all in my head... I am actually asleep."
I feel a warm breeze blowing and think that it feels too real to be a dream. But eventually I figure that it has to be a dream. I run down the sand dune to the coast and decide to fly.
"This is all a dream. It's all in your head. You can do anything!"
I get a running start and jump. It's floaty, but I'm coming back down. I jump off again and make my rockets. And we're off. I start saying thing because I want to go faster; I want to fly up in the clouds.
"Faster!"
I start to go a little faster.
"Fast as you can go!"
I see a large tree ahead. I roll and pass between the branches.
I start to go quite a bit faster, maybe 15 or 20 miles per hour.
"HYPERSONIC SPEED!!!"
I really get some speed. Maybe 40 or 50 miles per hour. I pull out over the water and start to go up. I want to fly through a cloud.
Then, my flying just cuts out. I find myself in my backyard. I get the dream ending feeling and all of my goals come crashing back to me. I quickly try to manifest Manei. Manei, Dawn and Eye all appear. This time they look like her picture, even down to the poses. I think that they were just cardboard cutouts that had been drawn on. Manei was real though. Then I wake up.

1. I was at school and was walking in the hallway with my friend Dylan. We were walking to Culinary arts class, and as always we were really looking forward to it because we get to cook every class. Somehow we knew that our class was on a stage in the middle of the school, so that's where we walked. Once we got there, we noticed that everyone from our class was already there, and they were all throwing a party on the stage. We both walked onto the stage, and me and Dylan parted our ways to see what was going on. Ahead of me I saw my friend Lucas who I hadn't talked to in 2 or 3 days. I walked up to him and we talked. He was standing in the middle of a group of girls, which was pretty usual.
Some of these girls I knew, and some I didn't. Suddenly Chef Pellicano came up on the stage and handed out some class work. Everyone picked up the work and we got started. On the paper that we had to do, there was some sort of space station/ship drawing on it, and we had to measure certain angles on it and find the parabolas(amazing cooking class right?). Once I got this paper though I kind of just sat around and talked to everyone else until somebody told us that we only had a few minutes left to finish the paper, and thats when I started doing the work.

2. I was inside of my friend Tristan's house, and my friend Dylan, Trey, and someone else were also over. We were upstairs in his game room area just chilling. It was daytime outside, I could tell because we had no lights on and the outside protruded through the windows. Suddenly, as we're sitting down on the carpet, Tristan's dog comes out from another room. Somehow Tristan's mom sensed that this happened and she came upstairs and told the dog to go back into its room. The effort of trying to get the dog to go back into its room lasted about 10 minutes. Me, Dylan, Tristan, and the other guy started playing a game.

I forgot to set an alarm for my wbtb/mild, so any chances of a Ld and recall were pretty low.

+(f) in some dark place searching for/avoiding bad guys

+ Indoors, normal lighting. At a computer terminal/ATM, the keyboard has very small (short) chicklet keys which are hard to type on accurately. I'm trying to get to and use the ATM, some guy is in my way and I slowly lean by him on the right looking at him inquisitively to see if he minds me going past him.

+ kill gang members, take their guns and motorcycle, evade cops
Outdoors, daylight. I shoot two gang members dead, it's pretty bloody. They're each on a motorcycle and have an automatic rifle strapped to their back, I use a pistol. I approach one who I know is dead and lying on the ground but I consider a possibility where he is not dead, and he suddenly sits up and shoots at me and I fee the bullet hit me in the forehead and I know I'd be dead. But that didn't happen so I continue on, I go by the other guy to the left who's sprawled out on the ground and very bloody and grab his automatic rifle off of the ground, and I sling it over my back. It's looks like an olive/army green bow-saw



I get on the 2nd guy's motorcycle and prepare to ride away. I have my hands on the handles and pull in the clutch cable and look down to my left foot to click down the shifter to 1st gear, let of the clutch and start riding on the road. I see a police car behind me amongst other cars and get concerned. I pull off soon to the right in a sort of hilly construction area with steep rolling hills doing down, the police come after me, I stop, and they go forwards not paying attention to me.

I return to some room like a hotel room and am surprised to find it empty, a team of cleaning personnel (husband + wife + kid?) are there. It's fairly dim in the room. I ask something about the fee, and the man starts to answer, but the woman, who doesn't want any trouble with gangs, shushes him.

In some garage the automatic door is opening and closing I'm trying to get to something outside. It's night/dim lighting.

+ getting back together with ex-gf DB, I'm with DB and am planning my weekend, I want to invite DB for Saturday and call another GF for Sunday, DB says she wants to go out both days. I plan the end of our date, I will hug her and gently kiss her left temple, I wonder if she'll object since we're not together any more.

Inside a (van?) making a phone call on an old-time telephone with just a "cup" receiver.

I'm looking at an apartment complex across the street from me, there's a view of the (city?) in the distance to the right, and I think the guy in the corner apartment in that building has pretty nice view, it probably has higher rent because of the nice view.

In a house, on an upper floor, (wife? DB?) comes home, the house is now like a large inflatable kid's slide, all pure bright white, and I jump down several levels to the ground floor

+ (semi lucid) I'm walking through a group of people, I'm looking at them in detail, they're mostly short men, I'm looking/waiting for a (particular?) girl, once I walk past the guys, the girl comes around the corner from my left, she's taller than the guys, she has medium-short hair (dirty blonde?) and is wearing a knit sweater top, and I immediately pin her to the wall with each hand on a breast and look into her eyes and wonder about holding the dream, but it fades.