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i was at my grandmother's house & my dad told me that the "liberty tank" had arrived in our yard. i went to look at it: it was a tank with red and blue stripes on the side, and the part where you sit was made of glass. there was a crash test dummy inside and at first i thought it was a real person: it was a young boy with striking blue eyes, slumped over as if dead. i remember thinking he looked russian. my dad removed it and assured me that it wasn't real. we climbed into the tank (the interior was just like the interior of a car) and began driving around. i noticed many people clothed in military uniform and i mentioned that i'd like one of those outfits. my father was driving recklessly and i remarked that he was going 80kmh in the middle of downtown; he disregarded this. we got out of the tank and entered an orange silk tent where there were many foreign people clothed in furs. i remember nothing else.

4:38AM - #153 - Inside The Claw Machine - DILD

I was going for WILD here but ended up with DILD.

Edit: I remeber something else. I did in fact have a WILD I just forgot it. I remember having strong HI and then something clicked and I was able to initiate the vibrations by focusing on the back of my neck. I got well into but I either fell non lucid at that point or I just forgot the dream. Damn!

I can't for the life of me remember the non lucid part as of right now and it's driving me nuts. Was it something about a cheesy bar? Some thing about my mini dachshund? Wait I think it was something about S from work going car shopping with me. Are all these right? Hmm. Anyway...

Something triggers lucidity and I know I am dreaming. The dream starts to go dark so I stare at my hands. They look zombie like and the right hand turns into something like The Penguin from Batman.

I start walking forward. I see bars of florescent lights but nothing really lights up the dream. I start licking my hands and soon find that both of then are impossibly far in my mouth. I quickly pull them out.

I don't know what happened here but the dream sort of took its own course and I just rolled with it. Literally.

Somehow I am a coin in waiting on one of those washing machine coin slots. I am totally blind but I can feel it all.



I notice the feel of body and how round and flat I am. I find it odd but amusing. I use my imagination and sort of become briefly dual in existence. I push the coin slot into the machine. I feel myself roll down and hear the coin-dropping-sound. I see some strange track with funny looking marbles on a U-shaped track that is lit up. Then, for whatever reason I decide that I am probably in a claw machine. I revert back to human form. I am crowded around with stuffed animals. All I can think of is that episode from The IT Crowd where Moss gets inside a claw machine.



I become amused at this. I mutter something like, "What the flip, Ross?" I don't think about any iPhone but I start emptying out the machine. I still can't see very well in this poor lighting but I can feel the various stuffed animals as I push them out the flap. When the machine is empty I jump forward and morph through the hole. I feel liquid at that moment and I marvel at my own shape-shifting abilities.

I am down on the floor on one knee now. I see a florescent bar going around the bottom of the claw machine. I think, "I really hope I get some light soon." Then I realized that I forgot how the dream started. I try thinking back. I know I should know it but I can't recall it.

Suddenly, I am staring into a white void. I try to focus and see DV on my computer screen. I can't see text very well, mostly just a blurry rough layout of blue and white. I briefly wonder how I was lucid dreaming while staring at the computer. Was I day dreaming? I do a nose plug and blow through. I can hardly believe it so I do it again. I know I am dreaming so I get up and leave the computer. As I do, I see a full bar of gold stars in my signature.

Now, I feel like I am laying down. I roll over and see some very fat, pockmarked faced man that looks Filipino. There seems to be red cushion walls behind him and a kitchen door that makes me think "restaurant". Something about him makes me feel like I am back in the first part of the dream. He put his hands under his chin and makes a "cutie pie" face at me. I don't know what to think at first so I move away from him. Then, I hear a laugh track like from some cheesy sitcom show. I relax a little when I know he is probably just joking.

Then, for whatever reason, I suddenly I become afraid that my lucidity is starting to slip. I think I must have startled myself all because I abruptly wake up without warning.

This fragment is very fragmented in part because I think it maybe from an earlier sleep cycle, anyway not from just before waking up:

...
Someone asks me: Why did you stop doing that?
Me: Because the emotions got too strong.
....

And that's it. It's kind of embarrassing that right after a long vivid dream yesterday, this is all I have today. Well actually not quite all, I also have the sense that I may have not quite been myself (distancing myself from the strong emotion and dealing with it?). Also out of some reason when I think of this dream I get the mental image of a very floppy hat, not on someone's head but just lying there (I wonder whether the hat is a metaphor for something in this dream?)

What could this dream be about? My stress level has certainly been through the roof lately, and even before that I have had terrible mood swings for months.

The question could be for why I stopped calling my father. I had mentioned that in a DV thread, and the answer is certainly appropriate for that question. Also the distancing myself from myself as a defense mechanism just in case would make sense.

I just now remember though that the question in the dream may have been job related. it could be: why did you stop loving your job? Why did you stop having faith that your boss will make it all ok? Certainly the answer would apply there as well. Our job has been too emotional lately, meetings which are ultimately motivated by fear/greed/unfulfilled ambitions/etc. And these meetings and their consequences have caused my stress to go through the roof.

Out of some weird reason I had the thought that "Why did you stop doing that?" Could be about introspection self-evaluation. This maes no sense, since I never stopped doing that. However, what if this is about my dream recall. What if my dream recall is not good nowadays and I stopped doing as regular dream journals, because I am self-distancing from the emotions that are too strong in my dreams? We know that dreams tend to have stronger emotions than waking life. I know that I have had some emotionally draining dreams. What if I am forgetting my dreams now as a defense mechanism to protect myself?

3/24/13 Sunday bed 2am-8:50am

Have to get back to my normal schedule. Bed around midnight and water regime. This is not fun. Will try moning nap tomorrow.

Some fragments from non-lucid naps, looks like i got little bit unlucky with recall today, but as usual it should get better.

Nap #1:

I was trying to do WILD but family was interrupting me.

Nap #2:

I was attempting to do something, but there was a rule that it should not be done more than 7 times at same time. Also i recall some centaur-like character with four arms.

March 25, 2013

1st Dream
My sister rented a motor boat at the lake for I, her and her baby. We took it out on the lake and, again, I was driving (see: Driving Off A Cliff', a DJ entry by mwah).

As I navigated toward the deepest part of the lake (that would be in the middle), I noticed that water was getting into the boat. I wasn't driving fast or wild, just takin' slow and easy so I thought there was a leak in the boat.

When we got to the deep part, there were lots of boats there and water started to fill the boat at an alarming rate and it capsized.

We all went under. I found my sister and the baby (she was holding the baby) and swam them to shore with much effort. We barely made it.

The next day I said to my sister, "Did you get a phone call about the boat? They must be wondering where it is by now?" She just shrugged her shoulders and looked at me like a zombie (not the hungry look, more like the zoned out look).

2nd Dream
My family moved out of an apartment but left some things there to pick up at a later date. I went to the apartment to retrieve my things and there were two ladies packing. I told them that the room that they were in was mine and my sister's room. They nodded and turned back to their tasks.

I began going through my things (on the opposite side of the room from the two ladies) and was thinking about a box of shoes that I found, things like, "I wore these downtown once and they hurt my feet so much I'll never wear them again!" and "Why did I leave these here? I wear them everyday!" and "Well I guess I don't need these shoes any longer because it's almost springtime". Then I proceeded to look through my skirts to match shoes to them so that I could figure out what shoes and skirts to take with me at that time.

When I returned home (new home) I turned the tv on to watch a movie.

It was a fairly vivid dream involving me and some of my friends. A, S and H. We had all gotten together at some hotel and were working on a cartoon.
S was doing the animation. I think he was working in flash on his laptop. I was drawing sketches. A and H were working on doing voice recordings for the cartoon.
We proceeded to watch our cartoon. I don't want to go into detail about the jokes because they were sexual, racist, etc, and I don't want to offend anybody. But some of them were actually pretty funny. But all of my friends and I were the main characters in the cartoon.

March 18, 2013

In a dream I was driving a red car. There were three other people in the car. The road conditions were icy. I slid down a steep hill and managed to avoid a sharp drop-ff in the nick of time by coming to a complete stop.

Looking down the chasm sent chills down my spine. The passengers where very quiet.

That's all I recall from that part of the dream. The next part I remember ...

I went in search of a cigarette (I don't smoke so why?). Anyway I found a man sitting alone in a park and he was smoking. I asked him if I could buy a cigarette from him and held out a quarter. I tossed the quarter into his lap. He was sitting Indian-style.

That's it, that's all I recall.

non lucid
*Chatting with minjit about her life.
*Darshan of padmasambhava in the old chinese zen temple.

(In this dream I am not me, I am someone of the opposite gender, and about 35 years old, but It takes place in my house...weird.) I'm in the bathroom with my cellphone texting with some woman, apparently we're are in love and I'm cheating on my wife with her. I convince her to come visit me even though she resists. She thinks I won't love her anymore when we meet or something. When she arrives I can't see her, but her friend who looks exactly like Jennifer Lawrence tells me that she is in the room, confused I ask her where>? The friend says she's walking around, at that moment I realize why she was worried about meeting me, she think I won't love her since she is in another realm or spirit world, But she has sent me pictures of herself on the cellphone, so I ask her if I can see her in picture why can't I see her here? then the friend says because she isn't making it so. I ask her to, then she becomes somewhat visible to me and she walks up to me. I'm still confused about the whole thing, but her friend says she is the energy bringer and she loves energy and drains some from everyone and she can make her appear or disappear, the friend says her name is Aphrodite. Then they both disappear and leave more alone than I've ever been.

Before falling asleep I was listening to a hypnosis Session of Jody Whiteley from youtube. It was this one to be precise: Sleep Hypnosis Easy Lucid Dreaming - YouTube

Spoiler for Beginning of the dream (Sexual Content):

I was somewhere on a street in my current hometown, and there was this unknown girl. We just suddenly had sex for no apparent reason, I started to hold her from behind, raised one of her legs, and finally came inside.

TL;DR of above: I had sex with an unknown girl.

After some time I heard about someone who was now being searched europe-wide for impregnating some random girl, and that person was me. There was an high bounty on my head (12500€, or something like that, maybe 10x as much) and I was really worried about the Situation. Some time later I was in a room and thought about the situation when I came to the conclusion that I never touched anyone apart from my girlfriend, and that I'd never do that without a really good and strong reason either. Let alone impregnating anyone, as I REALLY HATE babies entirely, not to mention I'm concerned that our planet is overpopulated anyway. At that point I already knew I was lucid, and did a nose-pinch RC to confirm that.
I applied what I heard in the Hypnosis video, as I got lucid I tried to react to the situation with detached interest. I don't think that made a lot of difference, but I guess it improved stability at least a little.
I immediately went out to search for my dream guide again, and stopped in front of a big screen-like thing which displayed different landscapes, soon after I woke up.

Spoiler for Improvement Notes:

Broke a week long dry spell of lucids - Very Good
Immediately applied learned techniques - Very Good
Searched for Dream Guide - Good
Got no response - Bad
Suddenly woke up without getting anything done, again - Bad

Finally, several weeks ago I had a lucid again, and this time a real lucid.

Don't really know how exactly it started or how I got lucid. So far I know I was in a big shopping center again, it was really high (more than 15m). I was constantly trying to stabilize and managed to do that as well as achieving decent details (though of course I can't properly remember them ). I was running around and there were some people and when I went around the corner I fought an nonexistent foe for fun and tried to use a small shock pulsar. With success! It wasn't the biggest of explosions but it was a ball of detonating light with an radius of roughly 3,5m so that's at least something to start with.

Last night's dreams weren't very remarkable. I have a cold or some sort of sinus infection, and kept waking up with a fever.

I dreamed that my back molar was completely rotten, and every time I closed my mouth, it shoved the tooth out of place. The tooth was extremely loose - I was able to pull it up and see a pool of brown gunk beneath it. It didn't hurt, but it felt extremely uncomfortable and weird.

I really don't remember much else, beyond a vague dream involving the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender - a show I haven't watched in year. My brother and a friend were discussing it earlier in the evening, though, and I think that may have influenced my dream.

Today, woke up 6am or so by alarm. Had no recall. I had been sleeping for about 6-7 hours.
Made two hamburgers, ate in front of the computer.
Packed the gymbag, headed off to the gym. Worked out and tried to go after my new scheldue. Barbell squat I really hated because technique were total failure, I need to train without weights to get it right but I think I will just skip squats as I don't want to get injured before the test and I believe it wont be enough time to get right with the technique etc. I rather just spend that time on technique on deadlift that I think I've start to get better now.

Anyway after gym, walked to the internship that I started today. It was quite alright in the beginning. My times are 9am to 4pm, with 45 mins lunch and 2 times 15 minutes coffee pause.
The last two hours today were just super boring. The work itself must be so boring that I'll die. But, 22th April I hopefully will start work there and earn me about $1500 a month, for like 2 months. That will be some money atleast. And times will be 8am to 5pm, which is 2 hours more than this internship.

So, after the internship, my dad picked me up with his car and we drove home and made waffles. As it's the waffles day today (well atleast dad said so).

We made it, ate, made dishes and then I were on the computer some more time before dad drove me to the city to go on this place me and my friend were gonna film at. My friend however, lost the time (surprise suprise, I kind of knew something would happend that makes him not come, or come late. Because that's what often happends, he got bad luck?). Also he didn't have any car to get there once he were at home. If I had knew it just a 10-15 minutes before I went into city, I might could have told dad to drive to him and pick him up, then we would get some minutes late, but not too late for what we were about to film anyway.

So after that filming was done and all, I walked to the busstation, waited like 21 minutes on the bus, went on the bus all way home.
Once at home, I went straight to the computer with the memory card, put it into the computer, loaded over the huge video files, put them into Sony Vegas, started to edit it. Done editing and now it's rendering, the video is like 22 minutes long and it will take like 4 hours to render it, so I will just have on my computer during the night I guess, and in the morning I will send the video to that woman who wants it.

The video I wasn't very proud or happy about, not superduper quality. Wasn't very light where they talked etc. Not very big spotlights that casts enough lights all over. It would be much better quality if she had been staying outside in middle of the day, even if it would be cloudy and all, it would be loooots better light and therefor so much better quality.
Sound quality wasn't very great too but atleast you hear what she says and I reduced some noise too.


And that's it. Now I am about to go brush my teeths, maybe first have some milk or something. Then brush teeths, drink some water, take this Listerine total care thing, and drink more water, and take my contact lenses off, and before all that also dishes my protein shake that I haven't had time to do yet since like 16 hours ago when I worked out at the gym.

Had sooo much to do today, and tomorrow is muuuch to do again, except tomorrow I just have to wake up 6am (if not before that maybe), go to gym before 7am, and then go internship until 4pm, then maybe walk all way home, and home after 5pm, making dinner and eat, time will be like 6pm, and then I got like 4 hours to do something before I maybe shall go bed. Because tomorrow I should go earlier to bed, like 10pm maybe. So I get an 8 hour of sleep someday, and not 5-7 hours of sleep.

So, today I will go bed like 00:00 maybe, in 45 minutes. Better start moving now and do what I need to do before bed.

I meet this young woman that is probably a freshman in college. I am walking home. Our paths are similar and she constantly looks behind herself. All of a sudden bees or some flies come out of her hair and start attacking me. I shoo them away as best I could. I see the girl has some sort of smirk on her face. I felt like she was responsible for this and I began to question her about it. I realize her hair was a combo of red and orange. She somehow changes the conversation to just her hair and I forget all about questioning her. ( I feel like I could've been lucid if I kept questioning it). I then begin to walk with her then I started hearing strange voices in my head saying things like "Protect her..." "Help her" I became more interested in her as things went on. Somehow me and her get trapped in some sort of cave. Then we talk about what I plan to do for the future and I tell her computer programming and she asks me "is that a high demanding job" then we escape. All the while these voices saying "protect her" were still going on and I became more curious about her. (Is this not mind control?). Before that entire event. I was trying to catch a boat to an island nearby. I was nervous because I realized I forgot my keys to my house for when I return. It was close to night but still some sunlight. I decide not to take the boat because it was crowded. Then thats when I somehow ended up at this college looking place and met the girl. When I woke up, I couldn't help but feel like this DC was playing me the whole time.