Not much lately. Another lonely Valentines day. Kind of sad that that I have someone I could spend it with, but for whatever reason. We're not on speaking terms.In dreams and voices she's very re assuring. I seriously wonder sometimes if I'm schitzophrenic. Maybe I only think I see Jamie driving by, or people that look like her. but they all seem connected. The dreams, The voice, The drive bys. On this the jamie voice says she still feels really bad about how she treated me in the past. I'm always re assuring that I'm ready to hear her out, listen, and forgive. And my drunken co worker friend decided to rip me off. and extra charge for food and accomidation. well, that wasn't discussed at all vefore or during the time I worked with him. And after all his verbal abuse. I let all my BPD rage out on him in some texts. Me personally, I would never rip a friend off or make them feel unsafe hanging with me. This si one bridge I hope to have burned behind me. I don't think he'll be asking for my help again. I mean friggin Mcdonald's and Wal-Mart keep are more Keep more honest books on what they owe their employees (Just make sure you have all your own copies of hourly records including helping other stores. leaving certain managers extra emails and texts any extra hours) Oh wait. this is a dream blog. Jamie 1 I was in the Labrynth place again. Jamie was chasing some guy along a landing who was wearing a football helmet and jersey. I called after her but she chased the guy through a door. *I did ask Raven to help with the dreams* Jamie 2 I was with Jamie in a busy street or in a mall. someone familiar was by a window. Me and Jamie stopped to talk to her. It was Raven. We asked her if Raven would officiate our wedding. Raven said yes. (I don't think either of us were lucid.) Raven wrote back and logged a dream where she was by a video game store and then ran into a couple. She wasn't sure if it was me or Jamie or not. but she tried to change the dream to find us, but was unable. Probably because were already there. She didn't recall any converstation about anyone getting married though.
From the 13th The mess is endless In the underworld. There is only time to sleep or to clean. Never is there time to rest or to dream. But wait, cleanliness and unchained light are everywhere found. Disbelief sits me down. Only in dreams are my chambers so clear. Reality check. "I'm dreaming. Of course!" Reality check again and laugh. "Yes. This is a dream." Sing of running down a dream to keep lucidity alight. Run upstairs. Shake the doors. Punch the windows. Charge the walls. Escape escapes me. Voices resound below ground. Perhaps they know the way out. Down the stairs. Kayji and Seary are playing games there. Seary's voice runs nonstop, a sharp sound lopping away my lucidity. Snap! Shove Seaery down. Push his head ever down until it is lodged fast in the floor of cement. Silence. Thoughts return. "Kayji, this is a dream," I share the secret. She simply replies, "I know." "I can't get out of the house. Maybe you can get us out. Where do you want to go?" She stands, and grinning, chants, "Bee and PuppyCat! Bee and PuppyCat! Bee and PuppyCat!" "Lets go!" I take her hand. Run up the stairs. Chant our escape. Go no where fast. Re descend to the underworld. How to get out? Call a character from the show, "TEMP BOT! TEMP BOT! GET US OUT!" We remain un-rescued. Spiral in thought, an idea ignites. "Kayji, you have a bell on your backpack! Ring it. See what happens." Kayji does. A feather light envelope flutters to her feet. She snatches it up and rips it open. "We have a job!" She jumps for joy. My own heart jumps with her. Dark falls upon us. We roam the echoes of a gigantic, abandoned room. Shadows seem restless. The floor is like flesh. Unease knots within. Reality check. Once. Twice. Three times. Yes still dreaming. A hole erupts in the floor between Kayji and me. It widens and contorts until a gulf, like a festering wound, convulses between we two. "Temp Bot!" Kayji greets the gaping, infected chasm. The hole opens and closes, flapping disease. She hears its words. They are undistinguishable to me. "Come on! We got a job!" She calls and leaps toward the hole. She hovers, hand held out. Wary, reality check again. I sigh, "Okay. Lets see where she sends us." Take the leap. Clasp her and plunge into roaring dark. Fear flutters the heart. Anticipation frazzles the brain. From shadows PuppyCat's voice echoes a mystic song. We fall... fall... fall... Asking a dream character where they would like to go was interesting. I think I'll do that more often.
Updated 02-14-2025 at 07:07 PM by 101265
12th Bridges The way is as winding as the river. There is no way across but for the overpasses we slip under. We do not want the highways. We see, sometimes, slender fingers of sandbar poking into the river. Sometimes the fingers nearly poke the wanted shore. These are not the way. They are bridges to other worlds from which crossers never return. We wander on. 13th Wired The world rests. She is snug and warm under the blanket sent. All are forced to stop. But I can not. My fondest dream awaits. Tunnel up through a crystal quilt. Scale the nearest electric stilt. Run cross wires, current-less. "Come down from there before you get hurt!" mother's voice rings from all around. I can not. I call back, "No! There's dreams to be caught!" + 1 lucid dream Hypnagogic -Wiggling lights like aurora borealis shine then warp into tidal waves -See knocking, it looks like spotted snakes
11th The Hand A hand gently wraps my sleeping ankle. This is a dream. Find the calm. Let the hand lift and land where it will upon my phantasm flesh. Ghost hand glides over genitalia. Wake. Locked Sit up in a stranger's bed. Frantically glance for the ghost hand. It was just a dream. A little lucid dream. Flop back to bed. Sleep paralysis crushes. Find the calm. Through it shines lucidity. Lucid but locked, "Wake." Too Early Sit up in my own sleeping realm. Reality check. Not a dream. "I will remember these dreams. I will be lucid soon." Lay. Inhale. Close my eyes. Wisps of light like a spiral galaxy shifts before me. "I'm dreaming." I whisper and open my eyes. Sit up in bed. "I AM dreaming," Shadows see me smile. Arise. I will fly. Denied. Recall a goal. Denied. Walk through a wall into abandoned night. Look for a tree. None. The scene shivers. It is too early. Sleep is shallow. Must sink deeper. Drift down into the dark. Cross legs. Close eyes. Attempt to anchor into the scene. Instead, I float. Softly drift in the weightless dark. Hold my position. A thought occurs. Do I drift in dream space? Or am I still and dream space drifts around me? A wash of vertigo. Wake. It was too early in the night.
11th Market Madness Creativity is magic. Venders display their wizardry. Now comes introductions. One young wizard weeps and runs. Stop the world to seek him. At the back door lumbers a man, face half hidden, gun in hand. Bar the door as best I can. Announce the coming threat. The world scatters. Shelter neath shrubs. A second gunman joins the first. They flee. Wizards reconvene and discuss safer spaces. A man, as Caucasian as can be, rants stupendously that the white race is the ruin of the world. Sky Tidings Storm clouds stalking. Outrace the rage. Halted by the serene shores of a mirror lake. At its horizon two suns set in harmony. "Take a photo! This is a rare atmospheric phenomenon," I cry. Kayji shoots. Behind us beams a rainbow of vertical stripes. "Get that too! This is even rarer!" She shoots again. Night is a jolt. Upon the lake fireworks dance as if ordained by a certain grey wizard. Reflections upon the lake make double magic. It is enough to wipe away the worry of scourge and storms. + 3 Little Lucid Dreams
Updated 02-12-2025 at 02:25 PM by 101265
either accidently or purposely i don't remember but i looked at my hand and had 1 extra finger but i couldn't move it. it was paralyzed
From the 9th Gafar The world is strange. Sentient colors, succulent laughter, sensual scents of food and drink ebb and flow in festive tides. The extravagance is too sweet for souls as bitter as this. Wander away from the fabulous fray. "You have been challenged to a duel," a twitchy man greets then twists into the crowd. Give chase through worsening worlds and into the belly of a trippy brick beast. Cheerers roar aside. Behind a table I abide. The other door belches wide. In spills a bloated beast of a man. Recognize his local celebrity face. Gafar. Before any words are laid Gafar waves his arms, thrusts hands my way. An invisible bus slams into me. Fly backward through the doors. Shock stings stronger than pain. Stand and charge into the belly again. Clarity shines. Know without knowing that this is a dream. Wave my hands. Spin. Thrust palms at Gafar. My invisible strike is soft. His laughs heartily while he force whips me up into ceiling and then down into the floor. The earth shakes. There is no pain but the sting of shame. Stand. Inhale. Serenity. A river rises into my feet, fills the hollows of my bones. "You will win this... this is your dream." Acknowledge the absolute truth. Lift my hands. The blimp of Gafar bobs into the air, limbs swinging, voice singing with rage. A grin. A nod. A flick of my hands. Gafar crashes into brick and slops onto the floor. He deflates like a softly stabbed balloon. "This is my dream," I proclaim. The crowd rocks and roars. They boo and hiss. I smile and proclaim again, "This is my dream." Two men burst from the crowd, "Come on!" I am captured and carries along. "She's coming. You have to hide!" Pride tempts me to stay. Curiosity bids me go with the flow. The pair lead me back to luxury. Crush ourselves into a closet. Then comes a distant clicking. And then a clacking as her heels rage closer. Curiosity boils, overflows. I must know! Step out and straight into her path. She is Gafar's sister, all pretention and wrath. "How are your teachers?" she purrs through the wickedest wrench of a grin. "Fine," is all that can be said. It is the only word left in my head. Her shark smile spreads. She twists. She clacks violently on her way. My closet companions, now a trio, cheer the confrontation. I am only caught up in confusion. "This is my dream. What did she mean? What does this mean?" Try to find her again but am lost in the scene.
Jamie A flash of Jamie taking me to a bedroom. She said I could sleep there and that it was a safe place to sleep. (Seems to be in response to a few nights ago, my toxic family started yelling late at night. This after last week not sleeping after my drunken co worker decided to use me as his verbal punching bag right before bed) I must say thanks. Creepy realm Long and semi vivid dream in places. I was in a very strange place. Jamie was with me sometimes, and sometimes not. You'd enter a room, turn a corner etc, and the scene would completely change. Every scene and room gave an eerie vibe. One room had disabled people with grossly mis-shaped heads. I had a slight urge to kill everyone in the room in frustration for getting lost. I back tracked only to wind up in stranger places. At one point I seemed to be outside and came across some clouds on a dark street. The place looked bright, like some people imagine heaven. There were small children or people there. I asked them if it was heaven. They said it was until the Angels abandoned them. I briefly remembered I once watched the entirety of "supernatural" There was a heaven in that show, but god had abandoned the angels. I wondered if this dream was connected to that show somehow. The people said they were cold and to light a fire. All I saw was incense sticks. so I lit them. I said it wasn't quite a fire. They said that this was the hottest fire to them. I was like: I can build you a real fire. I had some fire wood somehow and some kindling. I went to search for some rocks to make a pit with. I was on a street looking for some rock gardens or something. I wound up by this temple made of hardened mud. I began taking the mud from there, but the little people said I was violating a most sacred holy place. They chased to attack me but I ran around a corner and... Was in a strange hallway. I turned another corner into a room and some people in the shadows of the room were staring at me funny. I back tracked and was somewhere else. I was in some lobby area with lots of people standing around. I asked them how to leave this strange place. Someone knowingly chuckled and said that they wouldn't help me. Later I was with Jamie by a river with someone else. We both were trying to figure out how to leave this strange place. woke up. The Jamie voice was saying she was having nightmares or something. Back to sleep. Jamie 2 I was in another creepy place that looked like the Esther staircase area in the labrynth movie. I saw Jamie running on a landing. I called out to her, but she turned into a room. she seemed to be running from something or desperately trying to leave the strange dream realm.
This dream took place in my childhood home. People from the government were in my living room and I had some trash I needed to discard. In an attempt to toss it in the trash, I accidentally threw it at one of the government workers, a shorter blonde woman. Immediately, she turned around and said she was going to kill me. I asked her if it was because I was trans and if she really thought I was evil and she said yes to both. Cut to me in a black van with her and another blonde-haired stockier white woman. I saw them driving towards a lake and that's approximately when I realized they were trying to drown me by driving in there. They got out of the car and swam up to the surface, failing to lock the car doors so that I could drown properly. In attempting to leave the lake, I was grabbed by the arm. In another part of the dream I was being treated without humanity. Several people entered my room, escorted by one of the government agents, with the intent to rent it out. This I believe is inspired by the fact that at one point when I was still living in Sacramento, A family was invited by the landlord into our house while we were still living there with the interest in purchasing it. Most of the people called me He and treated me as an animal that was simply inhabiting the room they intended on living in. I tried hiding my face with my phone so as to perhaps avoid being clocked as trans, but I suppose by then the mass dehumanization of trans people had already happened. My first thought was "what the fuck? How am I gonna make music and art or have privacy? This is deliberate psychological torture". Most of the potential renters left and the person who remained was a white dude with pink hair and a scraggly, brown beard. He still treated me like a subhuman creature, but he gave me attention and a degree of dignity despite still misgendering me and let me snuggle up to him while he was in a chair. I begged him to not let them know too much about me as by this point I had already confided in him far too much. He said he could try but he seemed incredibly hesitant, perhaps a queer person trying in vain to appeal to the regime. I became desperate and tried putting my arms around him and right as I was about to close in, my eyes opened and I immediately woke up at 5:30am to my empty room in the bay area that I reside in now. While this dream is an encapsulated snapshot of my current issues, such as my anxiety about trans genocide and fascism, my attachment and trust issues, and my trauma surrounding being poor and abused by capitalism, it was also, in retrospect, kinda fucking hilarious in a lot of other ways. Like dude at least lock the car like what the fuck. Who taught you how to kill trannies? All in all, reflecting on this dream makes me feel more hopeful about the future and reminds me of the fact that while I definitely know we're gonna suffer, the american empire will absolutely collapse in my lifetime, even if they get me in a year. An empire collapses every 250 years.
10th The Taken They depart, giggling and glowing like the spring. To the base of the mountain they fly to meet virtual dreams in real life. They vanish. KayJi's phone tells that she is six hours to the north. A flood of panic. A cry to deaf police. Where to begin to find the lost before their end?
The 9th Singer Settle into the safety of bed. A stranger face slips through the curtains of my window. His break and enter lullaby does not send me to sleep. Still, I let him sing. Hypnagogic -Too many cars crammed in a driveway -A sea of cheerleaders -A solitary small child runs down a dark snowy street -"Don't you know?" someone asked. I turned to see who -To someone familiar of face I say, "I know you from waking life." One lucid dream to be added later.
i'm not having lucid dreams dispite doing multiple reality checks and i've tried incubating my dreams and that doesnt work either
I'm discussing the commute of a work colleague who recently left the firm. We're discovering it was much longer than we had initially been told. I was imagining him driving for all that time, sitting in traffic for hours every day. What would that be like. Jean is showing me footage of the Police, pointing out how cool it was that the audio synced up with the video during the drum solo. I'm at someone's house, a friend of J's. There's a large collection of video games, specifically N64 games, but many of them are mods of Super Mario 64 (like ones people have made online of the game, but in physical game form, with pictures on the cartridges). There is an argument between J and this unknown friend. There is a woman here at some point (combo of Jam & Am) who identifies my bracelet as some form of awareness for something, and we join hands, intertwining fingers. It is a charged clasp, with feelings mounting. Matriarch turns up and comments on the clasp, saying we are playing a dangerous game... An upstairs bar, a combo of lodge room, Barney's, and that one in Bellingham. An event took place and we are leaving. A growing feeling of distrust for J, but still going through life together.
I'm visiting the Pioli's farm house in Snohomish. But it is now a vast landscape with rolling fields of green and many ponds. It's extremely well kept and exceptionally beautiful. It is bright and sunny outside, beautiful to the point of being surreal. There may have been horses or other animals present. What a scene, like looking into a moving, elegant painting. This was a pleasant dream with very warm feelings.
I'm heading down a gravel road on foot to Ty's house. It's for his birthday party. The house is unfamiliar. People are sitting around the kitchen isle as ambient music is playing. It is eerily quiet for a party. I'm climbing up the side of a high cliff, with no gear. An old school friend is flailed off when Kai lets him loose (maybe pushed?) near the top, and he splatters on the hard ground below. The body is twitching. It's a more gruesome scene than I'm used to seeing in my dreams. I note here that in my dream, my uncertainty of whether he was pushed off the cliff or not is quite prominent. I did not know what really happened, and that fact is very memorable and seems to be of some importance. There is some discussion of student loans, navigating a classroom, trying out different doors...
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