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Lucid=red
Non-lucid=regular text color

1-25-11Non-Lucid) I was looking at video games in a store and I was looking at one with sea animals and thought how cool it would be to have a pet dolphin and the scene switched and I was walking up to a beach and I had a dolphin on a leash and there were seals near the sand and I walked up to them with the dolphin and they thought it was a demon and tried running from it and I talked to a demon seal (Why do I have such weird dreams!?) He told me that his tribe thought that dolphins are demons and that I should leave right away. I walked down to the beach and my pet dolphin disappeared and I walked along the beach with a DC and I found a giant spiral sea shell and there was a huge snail in it and I picked it up and the DC said those were rare shells and I could make a lot of money from it, but I put it back in the ocean because I didn’t want to kill the snail (*sigh* why am I too nice in my dreams?) and apparently I was a beach medic or something because a chopper showed up and I ran over and there was a bloodied person and I treated them, after that I woke up. (Today, day after dream I was at the college and someone was talking to another person and said that dolphins are awesome and are the killers of the sea.)

[taken from my dream blog at Oneironeer | Exploring Dreamspace)

So I haven't blogged since January 26th, but I've had some "activity" worth mentioning. I was super stoked about my seemingly close NILD (Nap Induced Lucid Dream) variation of a WILD, and although I started this week off swearing I wasn't going to lose sleep and attempt any crazy dream techniques, I was SO looking forward to doing the Wake Back To Bed method of setting my alarm just before my last REM cycle and going back to bed concentrating on lucid dreaming.

My friend and I have been discussing our dreams with each other via text messages, as he lives a couple hundred miles away, and it's been encouraging to have someone else who's almost as crazy about all this as me, to bounce experiences and ideas off of. We've discovered the Airplane Mode on our phones, because we keep sending each other horrible pictures of creatures and fictional mutated profiles and creepy audio clips to scare each other in the middle of the night.

I prepped for Wednesday night. I've read to hold off on Vitamin B until I awake around 4:30 a.m., and to go easy on the melatonin just before you first go to bed. So I took about 6mgs of melatonin. However, feeling like I might've been coming down with a cold, I may have taken some Nyquil also (I don't remember). I wrote in my Day Journal (prime the brain pumps) just before bed, and I was set.

At midnight, I was out like a light. Between the melatonin, sickness and possible Nyquil, it was a DEEP sleep. However, at 1:00 a.m., I opened my eyes, kicking and screaming at the following visage...



I do not remember waking up. I simply remember a strange, asexual mime trying to get WAY to close to me. As I heard it in my head, it was cooing or softly voicing it's displeasure in my feet in it's chest and throat. "OooOOooEEeeeEEooo???"

In the FAR back of my mind, I was glad to be tossed into a horror-based nightmare, because they always tip me off to the fact that I'm dreaming. I then become lucid, and take control of the dream. The creature looked almost as scared of me as I was of it, and it didn't seem like it wanted to hurt me -- but I needed to get it AWAY from me so I could take control. Something strange began to happen, instead of shifting or becoming hazier (or waking up), the dream was becoming MORE vivid. MORE real, despite the strobing lights and darkness.

I could hear my wife calling out my name and screaming, "No! Stop! Stop!", which angered me a bit. Why would you WANT me to STOP attacking this thing, don't YOU see it?! I got REALLY worried. Had I broke Sleep Paralysis and been flailing in our bed? Had my dream research flipped my lid? The creature was now at a legs length away from me, so I screamed to my wife, "WHAT?!"

"It's Matt." I looked at the thing, and didn't understand. At first, it looked like a clean, zombie version of the character Lutz from 30 ROCK (a show that's been turning my brain to oatmeal, as we've been watching WAY too much of it before bed). But now I could see, it was some strange version of my friend, and he was doubled-over smiling and said, "It's just a dream!" and started chuckling. My wife replied back, "It's just a dream," and I thought, "Now my DREAMS are mocking my attempts at lucidity!", but I soon realized that it was my friend, either in a False Awakening... or in waking life.

"Do you wanna get beat?"

He started laughing and my wife said it again, in disbelief, "It's just a dream." I still didn't understand. A charlie horse in my leg started to tip me off and the Rocky shirt my friend was wearing certainly wasn't scary. I could then smell him (ah, the last sense to wake up).

"Supriiiisssse," he whispered. He then mumbled and ran out of the room, leaving my wife and I in the dark. I groaned at the pain in my leg. Chuckled a bit. Breathed. Turned to my wife and asked, "What just happened?"

I used the bathroom, texted my friend, "Where are you?!" and he replied, "In my car, I think I peed my pants!" and I finally really realized...

That had all just really happened.

Now I present to you, the video he filmed of himself scaring me into a near convulsion.

Went to bed at about 1:00am, and took some melatonin to help me sleep. I remember having many dreams, but have a hard time recalling them. The following is the longest coherent stretch I can remember:

New Boss

I am working at the Greenhouse again. I walk in the door, and I see that our boss is there. In waking life, my boss was a big jerk. Here, however, it is Rand Miller, the creator of Myst. I wave hello, and walk up to the group of fellow workers. Rand starts to give orders, the way my old boss used to, and tells me to follow him. We walk down a narrow aisle of plants, and he shows me a spot where he wants me to wait. He points up into the sky outside, at either a large star or a small moon.

"Line up your sight from this pole," he points to a support for the greenhouse roof, "to that star".

He goes back into a back room somewhere, and begins fiddling with controls. I begin to hear a mechanical grating sound, and the sky outside of the tent begins to change. It changes colors, fading from the night sky to a lighter blue, then to a reddish pink as though the sun were rising.

"OK, it's changing!" I call to him, thinking that it was my duty to let him know if I saw anything. Then I realize I have lost my line of sight with the star, and try to get back. Rand continues to run the machine, changing the sky outside. I think to myself how working for Cyan is a whole lot of fun. Apparently I am now working at one of Cyan's offices. Originally I thought it was their headquarters, but their headquarters is in Spokane Washington and we are in New Mexico...

... I walk down a hallway, and sit down in a chair. Barbara Eden, who played Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie, sits in a chair next to me. There are a few of us sitting in chairs in the hallway, and we do something that I can't remember.

Don't know if this was a lucid or not (fragment)

I am somewhere. I am up high, I think. I am shouting "more lucidity!" and "more vividness". Meanwhile, the landscape gets brighter and more vivid around me.

Note: The above fragment followed a visualization I did as I was falling asleep. An obvious incubation success, and possibly a successful MILD, but I don't remember if it was really lucid or not.

Also, the appearance of Jeannie in my dream is interesting because this morning my parents were talking about their upcoming vacation. They are planning a visit to Cocoa Beach.

The second of two dreams, but an alarm killed the first one.

I come home to all of my roommates and on of my roommates teachers (not home in real life but roommates/teacher in real life). Everyone looks really sad. "What is it?" I asked. L, my roommate, explains that she messed up with a simple mistake on an animation assignment, and holds it up to me to show me the error. She continues to say that in a different part of the assignment the teacher wanted the drawing bigger. I am confused because I still don't see why everyone is so sad. Her teacher is drinking some hard liquor and seems even more depressed.

I soon realize that her teacher, Trey G, has been fired and that she herself was academically terminated. I become enraged and begin to yell about how the assignment should have every little to do with her GPA and that the assignment should not be that bad of a grade anyway. I realize that Trey is there because he must have gotten fired (I know it is a separate issue that is just happening at the same time). I say to him something like "You know that I could rally up students for you with no problem at all in protest, people love you." (true in real life ^_^) His expression melts and he says "really." He never acts that way in real life so it surprised me. He is the tough as nails, nothing bothers him guy.

We decided that we had to do something about everything that was happening.

Suddenly a tour of students from our school walks through the hallway. (For some reason we can see them, it is like we have an archway instead of a front door). They are going to see the school RA for a tour, one of the new students I have meet in the film program runs in to say hi to me and gives me something, (I forget what it is), then runs out. since L used to be an RA her heart sinks even more because she feels like she lost everything.

Dream cuts to us in the car I look out the window to see a baseball field where the grass is starting to die in places, I think we are going to protest and try to get L back in school and Trey his job back.

I think after I wake up that it might be my anger toward current school budget cuts in reality, since tons of good people are getting fired.

my first lucid dream!
I am at home in the upstairs bathroom. I am just standing there and suddenly I think, "Wait
shouldn't I be at college?". The term "Reality Check" pops into my mind. I decide to try the
finger/palm reality check. I push my right index finger into the center of my left palm. At first,
I think the reality check is passing because my finger is buckling under the force that I'm pushing
at my palm. but then I look at the back of my left hand and notice the tip of my finger coming
through. I push more, there is a lot of resistance but I manage to get my finger through my
palm. I become excited. "I am dreaming." I think to myself. Immediately, everything becomes
quite vivid. I take notice of this then say to myself with a smile on my face. "I am having a lucid dream...
I am finally having a lucid dream!". I think "What should I do?". I realize it is night-time in my dream
so some of the things I remember speculating about to myself during waking life will not work. In the
end, I decide to call my crush. I go downstairs, pushing my finger through my palm every now and then
just for the hell of it. I get to the dining room. The light is on and my parents are there but it is around
10:00 at night so I am confused as to why they would be awake. It is a dream though, after all. I push my
finger through my palm one more time and this time move it around a bit. I am so fascinated! I feel my
Dad may attempt to stop me from leaving the house though so I try to leave discretely. I grab my pumas
and go into the game room which is always dark when the light is off and kind of out of the way. So I start
putting my shoes on and my Dad goes out the door. I start tieing my shoes and realize that they are huge.
The tongue is massive and the laces are those thin round laces that never stay tied. They look somewhat
similar to Osiris's which I am not really a fan of. I continue tieing them but before I can finish the dream ends.
I wake up and think... "Did I just have a lucid dream?"

Yes... yes I did. But it was somewhat disappointing. Oh Well, next time

I picked up an XLR cable and attached to it was a Colorado ID I had had I long time ago (not in reality but in the dream I had). I thought "wow, this is old" (In reality I did use to live in Colorado).

next dream

Me and S (friend in reality), are at my moms rich friends house (exists in reality). We are there to watch the fireworks, but we can't get a good view. There are to many trees in the way. We decide that it doesn't matter, that we will get the best view we can. S says something like "this place is awesome when it is just us" and I say something like "yeah, it sucks when G (house owner in reality) is here, or anyone else" ...we laugh

that's all, short one!

I was visiting Millersville University with my parents ( Before I started going there ), and my dad had to pay this
security guard for parking. So He parks and the guard comes over and my dad takes out a wad of cash and starts
flipping through hundreds. He hands the guard something like $300 and we get out. It wasn't any parking lot at
MU though. It looked more like the parking lot at the Philadelphia Art Museum. Anyway, we go to some Computer
Science demonstration, as I am a Computer Science major, and it is a little fuzzy after that but my dad was asking
the professors a bunch of questions ( as he did when I actually was visiting college campuses ), then we go back
to the car and get in. The security guard comes over and my Dad starts talking to him like a well known friend. He
hands him another $300 or so and the dream ends.
I wake up and look at the clock. It is 3:30 AM so I go back to sleep.

Good morning, everybody.

My nighttime discipline has been terrible lately! Last night, I spent too long watching the Girls' Generation "Visual Dreams" video and some anime stuff on YouTube. It wrecked my dream recall.

One thing before I do the dreams. At the Japan Society in NYC a series is currently running showcasing the work of the director Sabu.

On Wednesday I watched Sabu's film Monday. The plot of the story revolves around a businessman who wakes up after having been drunk for two days. He slowly recalls all the things he did while he was drunk.

The story reminds me of waking up and looking back on a dream. But at a certain moment the main character takes charge over his actions. At this moment, the "dream" stories become more like lucid dreams.

There aren't any extreme special effects. But I think the film, in itself, is very good. And I think it's also good as a metaphor for the dreaming and lucid dreaming processes.

Anyhow, I want to suggest that anybody in or near NYC go to the Japan Society to check out some of Sabu's films. Sabu is there to introduce each film and do a Q&A. So that's also incredible.

Dream #1

I was in my great-grandmother's backyard on a sunny day. My great-grandmother was still alive. My family may have been near me somewhere. My great-grandma was talking to me, possibly standing very close to me, or possibly through some kind of telepathy.

I was now in my "great-grandma's basement." I stood before a bed that was covered in deep blue sheets. My great-grandma told me something about my great-grandfather. I got the feeling that this may have been the bed my great-grandfather had died in.

My great-grandma now told me that I had to lay in the bed. It was as if I was going to be in town for a while, and that I would have to stay at this house while I was here. So I'd be using this bed.

The bed was now different. The previous bed didn't have any headboard. But this bed had a very fancy headboard of nice wood. The bed also had blankets. In fact, the bedding appeared to be a very nice, homemade quilt with mint-green squares alternating with white squares with pink flower (?) designs on them.

I was a little afraid to lay in the bed. I felt like it had been empty for so long that maybe bedbugs had started to live inside of it. I thought I would check the bed for bugs. But I knew my great-grandmother was somewhere around me. I didn't want to check the bed in front of her and offend her by implying that she had neglected the bed.

Dream #2

I was in some museum or art gallery. I was in a room, possibly laying face down on a cushioned bench that was backed up against a wall. My head kind of hung down over one end of the bench. This specific room was spacious but small, kind of dimly lit, with white walls and possibly some thin carpet.

There had been some big art exhibit opening. The opening included some kind of presentation by the artist, a woman who kind of looked like Laurel Nakadate. Now everybody was milling around or leaving. Most of the people looked like somewhat wealthy business people.

The artist woman leaned against the wall near the bench on which I lay. I was playing with some device like an iPhone. All the icons on the phone were squares with a swirly pattern of pinks, browns, and oranges. I was scanning through a number of different icons.

The artist said something to me like, "I could never figure out how those things worked. You seem to know it pretty well. You must be smart."

I figured from this that the artist couldn't afford to own an iPhone. I let her look at mine, so she could figure out how to use it. But as soon as I handed it over, I felt a little bit of anxiety. I knew I had a lot of really wacky porn sites still up on my internet. I hoped that she wouldn't look through my internet history.

The artist, did, however, end up scrolling through my internet history. As the artist continued using the phone, the phone became something like a sit-down driving game like you would see in an arcade. The artist was sitting inside the game, scrolling through my internet history, which was a black screen, with old, pixellated, dim-white lettering. The room also became dim, like an arcade.

The artist, thankfully, kept scrolling down to sections full of internet searches I'd apparently done for really fancy recipes. Also, there seemed to be some sections where I'd taken pictures of these fancy dishes I made.

The artist may have made some comment about how nice it was that a guy actually put effort into making all these delicious meals. That comment made me even more afraid of the artist finding the porn sites.

I thought that maybe I'd get lucky and that the artist might not happen upon any of the porn sites that I'd looked at on my phone. But she eventually did. The porn sites in question were apparently of me, all by myself, on my bed, masturbating or dressed in women's underwear.

At some point the arcade game version of my phone became my phone again, although at certain times the views were coming straight into my head, as if I were just imagining them all. The artist was gone, although I may have heard her talking to me, as if I were hearing the conversation telepathically or through "memory-phone."

I now stood before a bed in an almost completely dark room. I may have thrown the phone on my bed. I still had the weird photos of me running through my head. Eventually I got on the bed, standing on my knees.

(Side notes: Dream #2 implies that I look for porn and fancy recipes on the web. This is wrong. I don't look for fancy recipes. But I probably should, because I think cooking is really cool.)

I only remember one dream last night. It was about Starr and James from ABC'S One Life To Live.

In the dream, James finally got fed up at all of Starr's games and yelled it all out at her. Then Starr went and slept with some guy named Bradley. When James went over to her room later, to apologize, Bradley was gone but the house was unsturdy and in the end everyone ended up falling through the ceiling.

Yeah...

Non-Dream/Comments
Dream
Lucid Dream

Date: Night of January 28, 2011

I was frustrated the day before because I hadn't recalled my dream, and upset because I took a nap that day while getting an MRI scan and didn't remember the dream I had then.
So I went to bed repeating the same words I normally do, but instead of getting of full dream, I only remember a fragment.

I'm sitting in a chair. I try to move my hands, but they're tied together and pulled back behind the chair. My feet are also tied to the chair that I'm sitting in. I look around myself to see where I am, and it's a prison. I think of it as normal. I look to my left and see this giant guy. He's inhumanly large, and has scars across his face and what's visible of his arms. Both his arms and legs were bound to the chair just like mine.

At this point, either the dream ends or my memory fails me. More than likely the latter.

I was at school at a classroom where we study christianity(Im not sure what is the proper subject name for it) And I was playing with matchsticks. I lit one up and it burned my right hand. I looked away from my hand and looked back and there was this gross looking hole in my hand and part of the skin was burned up. I woke up and feel slight heat on my right hand.


Im at some kind of castle where is rooms from our summer cottages beach sauna and Im like some "vampire" or so and theres this voice whos like commentating whats happening there, and he says like "The only ones who wanted to keep him(=me) alive were the humans" And I was like being treated by these guys in total white robes who had white bandages going around their head. They gave me like this bong which had some blue stuff in it and I inhaled it and felt good. Then I was at my room and saw that same bong again and I put something in it which turned into blue smoke and again inhaled it and I became really relaxed and felt the "high". I also remember being at the castles garden....

Im at O's place and Im watching him playing some computer game, and I ask "What are the specs in that machine" And he only replies "3.33" and I ask "GHz?" and O says "Yes". Then I tell him my computers specs and he playfully laughs at me.
The funny thing about this dream fragment was that I said the exact right specs about my computer in the dream.

Im walking my dog down the street by our school. Its summer, the sun is shining and everything is just looking beautiful. We walk down to the parkway and we come a cross to this tunnel and start to climb it and at the top of it theres this guy in a black suit looking at as strangely. We say something to each other and the dream fades...

Im at this construction site driving a black pickup truck and I have my friends in it. (Im experiencing this dream from 3rd person). We are trying to shoot some guys in a black mercedes benz C-series car. We blow up their car but the guys in it dont die and me and my friends are like "WTF"

It started out that I went home to one of my classmates house to play videogames. He had a big house, with pillars in front of it and a big yard and a pool beside of the kitchen. Strange thing though is that they only had a kitchen and living room. I didn't see any doorways to other rooms. And the two rooms were completely open with windows instead of walls. I for some reason went to the kitchen and his parents were there looking at me. I ignored them, and looked at the pool outside.

Suddenly I was in the mountains with my father exploring a secret path to a secret cabin. strangely the cabin belonged to a celebrity. You had to jump over a big pile of snow to get there, somehow that was an obstacle. But I think it was a blizzard around the cabin. Later we were going to it with my sister. She doubted it and we said that it wasn't far from here. We stood in a cross between 4 roads. We were going left to the secret path, and there was a path right in front of us which went to the top of the mountain. And our cabin is at the top. much much bigger than in real life though. We came from the road behind us.

Next a dream begins with that a guy I know tells me he seen me in some kind of show, and suddenly I'm on that location where I had the show. I see myself in third person just as the show is over. The show is played out in a backstreet of some sort. when the show ends me and the other actors or dancers or whatever they were(which was girls I knew) they dissappear in an even smaller back alley. it glows a light on the wall, even though the walls are sky high with no windows. I see we are near a port because I see the ocean just a few meters from me. It's also night in the dream when this part of the dream occurs.

in 2-3 of my previous dreams there has been a girl which in some way protect me. She was not in this dream. She is a tall brunette with a brownish/beige coat. I have only seen her many times in my dreams.

I wake up on the couch were I had fallen asleep earlier. On the bridge of the ship I'm on in the Navy.
I walk over to one of the windows and stare out into to night. I then calmly say to my self, "this is a dream"
Having the same problem I usually always have when lucid, not knowing/remembering what to do next, I realize I can try and travel to Egypt again.
I've heard mirrors are good for portals, but unfortunately there are none near by and I don't have time to goto the nearest one, so I decide to try the door thing again.
I picture myself opening the door and seeing the golden sands of Egypt. I open the door, but again.. nothing more but the same dark, empty and boring hallway as usual.
Suddenly the boat rocks and I somehow fall out the window.
I am not standing in an open field with a forest bordering this field, a night sky filled with stars and a thin layer of fog.
Also the ship is now a train..traveling on tracks and everything. It's also moving quite quickly away from me. Annoyed, I say to myself "are you kidding me?"
I then try to fly back to it. I'm quite good at flying in my dreams, so it came as a surprise when I took a big leap forward with my arms out and fell on my stomach.
I brushed my self and tried again, this time jumping straight up. Nothing happened. I land on the ground.
Annoyed and sad with my lack of ability to anything, I decide to just give up and wake myself up.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Good morning! Had the intentions of becoming lucid last night, and guess what? It worked like a charm. Even got to do my task I had set up, but it didn't really work the way I had hoped... Need to try it again next time. Also, I woke up with a headache and it felt like my dream memory was blocked. My pee was almost brown so I guess I'm dehydrated. Anyone else had trouble recalling while being dehydrated?

23.30: Sleep

07.00: WBTB 10 minutes

08.00: Whorehouse
I'm inside of a big house with alot of other people. Guys and girls around me are drinking heavily and partying. It has the feel of a whorehouse and a very hot, skinny woman walks up to me. A guy is about to have sex with her, but I decide to warm her up a bit first. I rub her breasts with my hands and grab her ass with both my hands and lift her up. I start to feel a bulge in my pants but I know I can't do anything as I've got a girlfriend. "You've got the most amazing ass" I whisper in her ear and she giggles as I feel it for a few more seconds.

I let her go and start walking up the stairs with a friend. He nudges me and points to the top. A girl is sitting there with nothing on her lower half and she seems to be very drunk. We get a clear view of her private parts and my friend laughs but I look away in respect. The stairs take a right just a few steps from the top, and I find my coworker Peter sitting on a chair. His eyes are red and half closed. The girl on the stairs bends over to pick something up and Peter grins at me in satisfaction. "Haha what a pervert" I think. He's 60+. I walk into a room and sit down a large table where most people have suddenly gathered.

08.00: Senses MILD
I'm about to head into a seven eleven store when I spot an old woman with a tiny dog. She let the thing crap on the pavement right infront of the door, and didn't pick it up. I'm furious and I can't just let her walk away. I start attacking her verbally. "Don't you think adults should take responsibility for their actions? Are you really one?" I ask her and take a closer look. I can spot a thin mustache of white hairs on her upper lip. She's very ashamed and just stands there in silence. After a few more amazing lines I totally nail, I head into the store. I walk up to the counter and ask the guy behind it to give me something fun. He puts up a bowl of pasta bolognese.




I look at the bowl and slowly become lucid. I remember my task of using my senses. I taste the pasta, it tastes just like I expect it to. The guy behind the counter starts asking me questions. "What do you work with? How old are you? Where do you live?" I answer them each in turn as I focus on my sense of touch. I run my hands over the counter. "Do you do any sports?" he asks me and I tell him no. I remember that smell is another sense. I take a big whiff of the pasta, it smells just like regular bolognese.

I look around in the store and there are some shelves to the right behind the counter. The guy asks me more useless questions he should already know. "I don't have time to waste on you" I tell him and walk out the store. I'm on the street outside, but I can't seem to see very far. There's a fog and it's very dark outside. A single streetlamp fills the street with gloomy light. I can't for the world remember what the fifth sense is. "What the heck, I'll just fly" I tell myself after some time when I get bored.

I take off instantly at will and go up a few meters and stop. I don't want to fly away in this darkness and destabilize the dream. Suddenly the entire dream starts to collapse. My vision gets twisted and I can only see a spot of asphalt underneath on the lower right corner of my vision. I remember spinning might stabilize the dream and I start to descend while spinning around. I never reach the ground for some reason and I just hang there for a few seconds as I cling to the dream.

11.00: Fragment
*I spot a bug in the bed and I attack it.

Amount of sleep: 11 hours

Supplements before bed: 2 x Omega-3, 200 ml applejuice

That's it! Recall sucked for 11 hours of sleep... Must be the dehydration. Also I couldn't remember the 5th sense as I have trouble remembering them in real life. I know what they are, but I have to think for a second or two before I can name them all. I guess I gotta practice on that. Still, awesome.

Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

I'm dreaming (non-lucid) that I'm having a sleepover with a couple of friends of mine.
Not doing anything special, except practicing a few MMA moves with one of my friends, we decide to call it a night.
I lay down in my bunk-bed and go to sleep. Now I start dreaming that I'm walking around in the city with a cigar.
I walk for quite a long time, smoking my cigar and looking a the big crowds of people walking past.
Suddenly it starts raining an my cigar starts to melt, as if it was made of chocolate. As I'm smoking my now melting cigar, I fall down this hill. The crowds of people start laughing, but my only concern was to get my cigar to light up.
I wake up, however, I'm still in the room were I started. My friends are sleeping and I wake one of them up to tell him my dream.
Can't remember how it ends from here, I either start dreaming something else and not remembering it or I just wake up.