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Due to much stress, I haven't had much time to recall much dreams or journal them. I still keep short point form notes on my computer. i look at them throughout the day and remember them, but I don't journal them right now. I will begin journaling again once this low period is over.

I remember driving a car on the water to see a huge bridge I usually drive over from below being under construction and only half completed. I drove to the base and a guy was fishing from the very tip tip of the bridge, where I wanted to go, but couldn't because I couldn't fly. I was pissed because my car wasn't capable of flying to the bridge so I went home to do some work. I tried creating a word document that simply said "I am Lucid" about 100 times and saved it on a flash drive so when put in the same situation, I would remember to access the file and see that I was dreaming. All this cleaver thinking, and I didn't even realize I was in a dream in the first place. My mind wanted to become lucid, but couldn't detect the bizarre aspects of the dream world around me.

Frustrating when I woke up..

I'm in an old wooden house.. I think it's like a museum actually. Suddenly there's a wave of panic that goes through the place and everyone runs outside. I think a bomb is dropped, or there is a war about to break out. I'm with someone who is shooting at the American flag.

...

I'm somewhere warm, probably Florida. I see BS and we are so happy to see each other. We are walking along a sidewalk and she is smiling and laughing, and I think to myself, I really miss this girl.

I was running around on this wide open field, bumping into people I was supposed to know. Some of them were talking to me about what I wanted to do and how something could be solved. I walked away from them and came across some other people who looked familiar, but I couldn't quite place where I had seen them. There was this peach room and I was trying to protect myself from some kind of disaster that was going on outside.

Every time I closed my eyes I would wake open them to see my self at a different place, with a few faceless figures outside. The figures became less and less, and soon there was no one around. I would walk outside, looking for people but I found none.

One time I walked outside and crossed the street. For the first time in a long time, I saw someone I knew walking towards me. He was smiling, and he soon walked into a building near and I tried to follow him, but the building disappeared and I was in a blue room. I walked around, confused, but I didn't see anyone. There was no one there and I started to leave when something hit my head. I was put in this yellow room with old weaponry on the walls, and I sat there, unable to move. The person who had attacked me was gone,m but I saw him leaving the building and literally disappearing. I had no idea what happened, but I had a feeling I had been waiting a long time, hearing as foot traffic with no figures passed through. At one point I fell asleep on the bed, and woke up to shuffling. I heard some piping being dropped and after a moment someone opened the door and dropped on of the pipes he was holding.

"My god!" he said, "There's a girl chained to a bed in here!" Some other men came in and gasped as well. They tried to talk to me, but I couldn't find the words. Finally I felt my voice come back and someone asked me how I had gotten there. I told them about the attack and the people asked when that had been. I told them I didn't know but it felt like a while. Then one of the men said that no one had been seen in these parts for several years because some kind of security breech, radiation attack, and asked how I managed to survive. I said I didn't know, and the last thing I remembered was going into a building where someone I once knew had been, and that he used to be a guard.

The men broke my hands free and called a professional to have a look at me. Someone with a brown briefcase came, and said I was doing fine, though a bit beat down. One or two of the men left, and I thought I would never see them again, but then they came back with a little food and drink and asked me if I was okay. When I nodded, I was taken outside, and was surprised to see no longer empty cement with no life, but family's going to and fro and trees and grass with seeds and creatures.

For my tea last night I ate LOADS of chinese food. Much more than usual... I was feeling hungry
I felt fine after but all that greasy food must have had a bad reaction....

Anyway, I went to bed as usual that night and awoke midway through the night with the most terrible stomach ache, I thought I was going to be sick. I sat up in bed and my girlfriend said something to me (I asked her about it today and she said I just mumbled some incoherent reply)...
I was definately awake, but at the same time when I closed my eyes I saw a bizarre vision.

In my vision I was sitting encased in the centre of a mountain. My aching belly all bloated up like I was pregnant. The pain would shoot out of my belly and crack the rock around me. The cracks opened up into wide burrows through the mountain (I saw it as a cross-section from the side. Imagine a mountain shape with wide cracks opening up in a semicircle from my belly, like a cartoon sun with rays radiating outwards).

One the surface of the mountain, where the cracks emerged I saw chinese dragons in a figure 8 shape. Upon looking at the dragons I was able to feel the rise and fall of many ancient civilisations.

The whole vision was very engrossing. I was aware that I was awake, and that it was just a dream/vision, but it was as if I was right there when I closed my eyes. Like existing in 2 places at once.

After a while the vision faded and I went back to sleep.

Also, this was my first day trying Silene Capensis. I wasnt expecting any results from it this early so I am not sure what this was. Most likely it was something similar to a fever-dream brought on by my bad stomach and too much greasy food... but very strange!

Im outside its raining and dark theres this white truck. Im there with A,V, N and his gf H. Im arguing with someone. I also remember we were eating potatoes and mincemeat sauce.

Im looking for R in our school he needs to give me something. He goes to one classroom with M and L. M and L come out from the room and I ask L is R in the room, she says "No he went out from the lower level" I look down and see that theres 2 stories on that classroom. I wander around the school with my jacket on my right hand. I sit beside T and try to hit him. He stops me and I can barely slap him. I get pissed off and rip a lamp-post out from the pavement(Im suddenly on a street and theres lots of traffic) I see a gastank car and I decide to hit the car with the lamp-post. T and others are shocked. I throw the lamp-post but there comes another car and I cant see the gascar.

DJ Log: February 13, 2011 – 7:15AM (USA Eastern)
Text color legend: · NON-DREAM · NOTES · DREAM · LUCID ·

(Note: During WBTB, I smoked 2 cigarettes of my usual herbal blend; Calea Zacatechichi, Mugwort, Damiana, Wild Lettuce, and Wild Dagga. I took 300mg Alpha GPC, a B-Complex, and 200mg L-Theanine with 2 glasses of apple juice. Immediately before returning to bed, took 8mg Galantamine+Choline. I attempted a WILD, and had some interesting results.)

I climb into bed and put my flashing LED glasses on. I set the brightness very low and set the speed to approximately 12Hz. I slowly turn up the brightness to a comfortable level. At first, geometric patterns begin to form in a chaotic fashion. The patterns slowly move around and form into structures. They are becoming well organized, sliding around and fitting together like puzzle pieces. Once the puzzle completes the assembly of itself, the texture of the patterns melt into a solid white plane that seems to maintain sync with the flashing. As my brainwaves try to stay in sync with the flashing, small corrections cause the flashing to become very apparent for split seconds until my brain corrects the synchronization. In my experience of electronics, it seems that my brain was functioning like a PLL (Phase Locked Loop) circuit, making minor real-time corrections to maintain a frequency lock with the reference source, the LED glasses. After about 5 minutes, I remove the LED glasses while keeping my eyes closed.

I decide to try my first waking attempt at a WILD, so I relax fully and perform the stop-drop-roll technique I read about in one of the DV forums. This felt pretty good, as all the tension builds up in my arms, then shoots out of my fingers when I drop my arms. While remaining entirely motionless, I begin my mantra, “I will do a reality check and become lucid” with my internal voice to help reduce and eliminate the internal chatter. Within a couple of minutes, my fingers and toes start to vibrate and the waves slowly travel up my legs and arms. The vibrations are out of sync at first and collide with each other, but they slowly get in sync as the vibrations approach the center of my body and intersect with each other. This vibration intersection and synchronization process is quite uneasy, as I have to override multiple extremely strong impulses to move my body. I read about this several times, so I feel that I am well prepared to handle it. After what felt like 30 minutes, my dream eyes opened by themselves and I can see a deep tunnel full of thick glowing white spider webs. I attempt to find my hands so I can count my fingers to confirm my lucidity, but I am tangled in the web. There is absolutely no doubt that I am fully lucid, but I have poor control. I pull at my arms a bit harder and the vision went black.

A false awakening (FA #1) put me back in my bed where I could feel my body vibrating again. I keep my eyes closed and clear my vision canvas. I focus on my past memories of the Arizona White Rock Canyon, which I had visited about 6 years ago. I would really like to try and accomplish one of my dream goals by flying through the deep canyons. I start to form a clear and detailed vision of the rocks, but suddenly the vibrations come back and crumble the rocks. A large fissure develops in the ground and I am free falling into near darkness. I try to jump and fly, but the gravity in the fissure is Jupiter-strength and I cannot fight against it. At the end of the fall, I crash into the ground quite hard and a lot of rocks and debris fall on top of me. (Note: This is the first time I recall potentially being killed in a dream.)

Once again, an FA (#2) into my bed and I can feel my body vibrating, quite a bit less than before. This time I make no attempt to steer the dream nor open my eyes. After a brief moment, I find myself laying in my bed with my winter boots and a heavy coat on. My right hand is in my coat pocket, trying to pull out a plastic box about the size of a 25-CD storage case. As soon as I pull the box out, strong vibrations travel up my right arm that create an intense wave that rolls through my body and bounces off the opposite end, my left leg, then make a U-turn and travel back out my right arm. After the vibrations stop, I hear a loud pop sound.

Once again, I FA (#3) into my bed. Opening my eyes, it appears that I am actually awake. I stare at the ceiling for a moment, trying to recollect my thoughts and figure out what I want to do with this dream. I climb out of bed and go into my bathroom. I try to turn on the light, but it won't turn on. I exclaim, “Shit! I can't believe that FA got me! That's bullshit.” I look in the mirror and my face starts to melt, then turns sideways in the reflection. I float off the floor and my feet are almost touching the ceiling, as if I'm being steered by my reflection. I look into the mirror again and there is a vortex with bright streaks of lightning swirling around in it and my reflection is gone. There is a rumbling noise in the background, resembling the sound of a large waterfall from a distance. I try to move myself toward the mirror, but I am suspended in the air and unable to move. A person approaches from the vortex in the mirror and starts to reach a hand out toward me. I was a bit unnerved that I could not move, so I closed my eyes and pushed as hard as I could with my legs. As I am pushing, I hear a sound that resembles squeaky brakes on a train in the distance.

I FA (#4) back into my bed again. The vibrations are faint and move slowly down my legs and disappear off the tips of my toes. I can feel myself floating off the bed, so I try to turn it into flight, but I fall through my bed and roll out from under it. I try to stand up, but end up floating instead. I can see myself in the bed. I look at my hands and I have at least 7 fingers on each hand. I can feel the texture of the blanket and hear the computer fan running. I turn to look at the window and fall backwards.

Once again, I FA (#5) into bed. Getting a bit frustrated after 5 FA's, I decide to wake up. I just told myself to wake up, and I sat up in bed. A nose pinch and finger count confirm that I am awake, then a follow-up RC with the light switch for a triple-check. I sit down at my PC and write my log up to this point. I intend to go back to bed in a bit and see if I can WILD again, but I think I'm way too awake now.

I get back into bed and squirm around a bit until I find that comfortable position. It's that magic position where the blanket is not pulling in any direction and the pillow is no longer making that scrunching sound. My legs are relaxed and the toes are hanging just off the edge of the mattress so they're not cramped up. This time, I change my mantra to, “I have control of everything” which I hope will work towards rectifying the control issue that I had earlier. I lay motionless for about 30 minutes and I can feel the vibrations of SP coming on again. The vibrations start from the center and work their way out to the ends of my fingers and toes, then slowly disappear. I see a bright flash of light and hear a burst of TV static sound.

I find myself in yet another FA (#6) on the couch at a friend's house. My friend and his girlfriend are both standing there, looking at me like I have two heads or something. I look at them for a second, then I look at my hands and count 3 fingers on my left hand and 8 fingers on my right hand. I am already lucid, but this reinforces it. I look back at them and say, “Buzz off” as I wave my hand at them. They both walk away and leave me alone. I get up off the couch and walk over to one of the many windows in the room. I raise the blinds, revealing a crowded shopping mall outside the window. I think about climbing out for a second, then decide that I'm at the wrong window. I close the blinds and move to the next window. The second window reveals a stormy, choppy ocean with lightning streaking across the sky. I can see the flashes from the lightning reflecting off the floor and walls of the room. Being uninterested in diving out into the middle of a storm, I close the blinds and move to the next window. The third window shows a mountainous terrain in the background and a rich green meadow full of flowers in the foreground. There is a stream winding its way through the meadow and there are birds flying all around. I thought to myself that this is way too peaceful of a scene and I absolutely must inject some havoc.

I do a quick nose pinch and shove my finger through my hand twice to make sure I'm good to jump out of a window. I take a step back, kick the glass out of the window effortlessly, and then jump out. Just as I am starting to gain flight control, I suddenly land on something. I look down to find that I just landed on Falkor's back right in front of Atreyu from the first Neverending Story.

Atreyu grabs my shoulders and says, “Hold on!” Falkor makes a quick turn and starts flying high into the sky. I thought for a second that this was kinda cool, but it definitely not what I had in mind. I jumped off Falkor's back and did a nose-dive straight into the ground. This was the dream's exit.

I woke up kinda mad that I jumped off and lost the dream. I should have just went for the ride, but whatev...

Dream - Lucid - AP

I was at some sort of carnival with Ryan. There were carnival rides everywhere, I especially remember some virtual reality ride that made it feel like you were riding through space. I also remember some ride that swung you around in these little pod things, and there were birds in all the seats.

I was walking with Ryan and we were talking. I got on the virtual reality ride, and this group of people, both guys and girls, who had it out for me for who knows what were on there too. They were just being mean to me the whole time we were on it, saying nasty things and such. I got off the ride, and walked down a path with Ryan. The group started throwing rocks at me, and saying more nasty things. I yelled back, getting quite angry at this point.

Then, I was at home, and one of the girls was in my room, trying to steal my stuff. She had a huge, black mesh bag with her. I caught her and told her she wasn't going to do that. I grabbed the bag from her. At one point, I was trying to hit her, but I couldn't hit, it felt like my fist was going through water. I thought about that for a second..."Why can't I hit? That happens in dreams."...when something distracted me from the thought.

Then, I was back at the carnival with Ryan, and the group of people still wasn't giving me a break. They were saying more nasty things to me, when Ryan cut in and started to defend me. They kept trying to make a point, but he would throw it back in their faces.

I was chaining LD together, this is the last one. I was walking around outside in a place that looked sort of like my grandpas old neighborhood. The difference was that there was some woods on the opposite side of the street, and the houses were nicer. I had been trying to have sex in all these dreams and do the basic ToTM. I took my pants off, but then this weird creature came out of the woods so I put them back on. It looked like a cross between a bear and a lion. I so no way mother fucker to the bear and either pushed him away or maybe used telekinesis to do so. Then I went into this house. In all these dreams I kept losing lucidity so I tried really hard to focus on the details of the house. No one was inside. I heard the shower running. I saw this blue wooden shower stall. It looked almost like the kind of thing you'd see at a camp grounds but it was inside. I went inside and a girl was drying her hair. She knew me and said this is a surprise. I said something then I started rubbing her cunt. I stuck my fingers inside her and kissed her. This went on until I woke up.

Last night's dream (the one i can remember) was something like the borne trilogy. Unfortunatley i played no part in it .
I was merely a spectator.
There was a guy who was being chased by some sort of swat team. But he was incredibly gifted in the way of quick thinking, and being agile. I'd imagine he'd know some form of martial art He jumped through a small door window and people would follow him in. But he would still be holding on and he pulled himself back through. Then he climbed on onto rooves of houses/ buildings to avoid being caught. When two people were close to him, he was kind of lying down, he just rolled over and knocked one of them off. I remember hearing him screaming (like the wilhelm scream in movies) as he fell to his death. And the other guy, sensibly, backed off.
Quite entertaining if you were watching it. Which i was!
On the other hand, other than that i remember very little of my dreams last night so i'm quite disappointed, really.

Feb 13, 2011:

The dream started with me getting out of bed.
I rose to my feet and looked around the empty house; I was alone, and I didn't recognize the home I was in.

I went outside to see my dad waiting for me, he said :"About time you got out of bed! C'mon, lets go." he left in a brisk fashion. It was about this time I realized that I didn't know where I was, or what we were doing.. "Okay, I'm dreaming, thats obvious." I told myself.

I followed my dad down the path until we reached a lake. Suddenly, wild cats came out of the trees; my dad cheerfully jogged towards one- it pounced!!- but he quickly stepped to the side and grabbed it by the legs, swinging and throwing it into the lake. "C'mon, lets kick their asses!" he said with a light and cheery attitude. (My dad isn't like this in real life, so it's pretty easy to see he's a DC. But a very interesting one)

I smirked at his badassery-- but even though I knew it was a dream, I was afraid of fighting a panther..
After a few moments of dodging a running for me life, my dad stopped me, saying: "You have to grab their legs! Here;" He caught one out of midair again and handed it to me slowly.

I reluctantly accepted the cat, swinging it around, I tossed it into the water. He was "So proud." ;p

I got bored and decided to leave. I said: "Okay then.. .. Later!" And ran out of the cell, changing the dream.
====

The second dream came in, I was still running. I was in a dark field, and ahead of me was a woman, also running. We were running towards a large, dense forest. I could see it was pitch black inside.

I sped up and grabbed her by the arm: "Whoa, there.. That forest is dark as hell! Let me help you."

I realized it was a good time to try a new summon I've been thinking up.
I raised my hand up, and called forth Kitty, my Kitsune. (I always give them stupid, easy to remember names. (I also prefer Celtic and Greek mythology, but I couldn't resist a multi-tailed, fire throwing fox.))

With a gust of wind, and a slightly shifting environment, Kitty ran up to us out of the darkness.
She was young, and I could tell- not very powerful.

I greeted her, and asked her to light the way. In an instant, a light surrounded her, and she led us into the woods.

We barely got 10 steps into the woods before it became too thick to see properly, and after a moment we couldn't go any deeper.

I woke up.
----
7am. On a Sunday?
I went back to sleep.
-------
This time it started in that strange house again, but instead of exploring, I just chilled out with my new summon, relaxing inside of the dream. (I get lazy sometimes.)
------
I woke up again.
9am. Thats better.

02/09/2011
"A Flood Runs Through It"

I was in the woods with MR and other friends. He and I were playing our electric guitars (in the woods?), and mine - for some unknown reason - began breaking apart in my hands. Even before that, I had tried keeping up with him, but just couldn't get the right tones. The weather turned ugly, really quickly, and the rain soon came pouring down. We all had to run for cover, which was a roofed pavilion or something, right down an embankment from us. Not able to carry everything at once, I ran down to the pavilion and put my guitar away, and then had to run back up to get my amplifier and gig bag (leaving me to wonder why I didn't just put my guitar in the bag, in the first place).

On the way back, I realized that I was now wearing roller blades. I was surprised by this, and didn't know why the hell I was wearing roller blades in the middle of the woods. The rain was coming down in buckets, though, and I didn't have time to stop and take the skates off. I knew I had to get my amp before it got completely ruined, so I trudged along through the mud with the skates on, ready to ascend the embankment.

Suddenly, a flash flood swept down the embankment toward me, muddy water crashing down around everything, and practically burying me where I stood. I dug my feet in to brace myself, the water now about waist high as it ran down the hill around me. Just up ahead, I saw my amp and gig bag floating down this torrential stream, toward me. They were already completely soaked, but I thought there might still be hope of saving them. Then, off to one side, I could hear one of my friends' dogs, yelping. It was stuck on some perch that was just barely sticking up over the surface of the rushing water, obviously terrified, and I knew it wouldn't be long before it was completely overcome by the surge. Forced with a decision, I decided to save the dog, digging my skates into the soft grass submerged beneath the flood. I stomped over toward the dog, picking him up and holding him to my chest with one hand, trying to keep my balance with the other. The flood proved to be too strong, though, and I was swept down the hill, swimming as hard as I could, while keeping the dog above water. Ever try swimming in a flash flood with roller blades on? It's fucking hard.

I was carried down the embankment, and toward the pavilion. The structure was elevated from the ground, on wooden beams, and the water was rushing down beneath it, just a few inches of space between the surface of the water and the actual floor of the pavilion itself. Trying not to get swept beneath the building - and possibly drown - I grabbed one of the wooden beams, hanging on for dear life while the current tried it's damnedest to force me under the building. It was Hell. I feared the worst, feeling like I wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer, staring into the blackness beneath the building, horrified that I would soon be swept into it.

I woke up before knowing the outcome, though.

So I lucid dreamed tonight. That much is really awesome! But my recall is so disappointing, I don't even remember it. All I remember is being in a big banquet hall and becoming lucid. I decided, Hey, Let's change the scenery, so I walked out of a door into a desert. Then I started to wake up, so I spun around to stabilize. It worked, but I can't remember anything after that.

I was at an zoo, it was large, spacious, and the ground was covered in ceramic. Everybody in the group of pedestrians around me was sent to a particular animal ( I remember my brother was sent to the lions) to spend his day with. I continued walking and suddenly I was in front of a huge swimming pool. I went in and suddenly I was in swimming trunks and swimming goggles. I swam for a little bit and I met a pod of dolphins. They all swam around me, but one in particular stood out, because it could telepathically speak to me. It talked in a soothing voice, that I knew didn't belong to no dolphin, yet I was certain that it was the dolphin that spoke to me. I felt attached to this dolphin ( psychologically, not physically) we had adventures in the the vast swimming pool that happened to expand into an ocean. At last we were separated, and as I said farewell to the the dolphin that spoke to me, the dream faded out and ended.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a car with my grandfather (who, in waking life, passed away about two years ago). We were in a parking lot. It was night, probably a cold night. I was in the driver's seat, and my grandpa was in the passenger's seat.

My grandfather told me that he had a disease and that he was going to die in a very short time, maybe as short as seven days. I got very sad to think that my grandfather was going to die so soon. What struck me more than the fact that I would miss him was the thought of him standing so close to the complete uncertainty at that moment of death.

I started to cry. I clenched my throat and grit my teeth as I cried, as if I were trying to stifle the cry. But my tears were also very bitter, as if they were somehow electrified.

I now stood outside of and just in front of the car. There were two trees in front of the car. They were right next to each other, possibly crowding into each other. The tree on the right (as I faced the trees) may have been some kind of evergreen tree. The tree on the left was barren of leafs, with a strange, parallel branching, with the final branches sticking out almost perfectly straight. These branches either had big, red buds on them or else something like Christmas lights.

My grandpa was floating up into the barren tree. I may have been holding on to his hand as he floated (or climbed?) higher up into the tree. The tree was something like the way to heaven. So in this sense, my grandpa was already dying. Eventually I had to let go of my grandpa's hand.

Dream #2

I was in a small house like a log cabin in the middle of the woods. The place was crowded with people, all probably "my family." One man in particular, an older, skinny man, lay on a scanty bed, probably wearing long johns or a tank top and old-looking pajama pants.

It was a really cold day and I needed to get somewhere to check on something, possibly some other house that might be in trouble. The house may have been separated from us by a lake, which was frozen now.

I probably would go across the lake by taking some kind of vehicle -- which, now, seems to have been something like a hovercraft and ski-doo mixed together. But to drive the vehicle, I'd need fuel.

All over the room there were these stumps of wood, stood upright, like columns. On top of the stumps there were upside-down lids for metal garbage cans.

The upside-down lids were filled with some kind of substance. This, I understood, was fuel for the vehicle. The fuel was clear and had a kerosene-like quality to it. But it was in a partly frozen state in all the "pans." It was melting from snow-like blocks into the clear liquid state.

I asked the old man if I could use some of the fuel for the vehicle. The old man asked me about the conditions outside. It had to do with something about the level of the snow outside. I'd been outside only a while ago, and I knew that the conditions were bad. I didn't lie to the old man.

The old man said, "Then, no. You can't use any of the snow. You know what kind of danger you'd be putting yourself in. And in weather like this, the ice on that lake is weak. That vehicle would melt right through the ice, and you'd find yourself inside the pond."

Dream #3

I was out walking with one of my old friends. We were up on the crest of a snowy hill. It was a sunny day, and the sky was clear and blue.

To our left were something like footprints. To me they probably seemed like human footprints, even though, now, they seem to me to have been gigantic footprints.

For some reason, these footprints proved that the snow was pristine, virgin snow, untraversed by other people. This was a relief to me, as I had been afraid this whole time that people had already been climbing this hill, and that sooner or later I'd have to deal with a lot of jerks while I was out hiking.

I looked further down the snowy slope to my left. At the base of the hill was a small town. I think I mostly saw one-story houses, probably from the 1960s or 1970s.

Dream #3

I was "talking" (in my head?) with a few of my family members. They had asked me to stay wherever I was for a little more time. I decided that I would.

My family members then told me that as a reward for staying a little while longer, they would also give me a couple final days all to myself and give me a free trip (or free tickets?) to the beach.

At this point I realized I was in Philadelphia. Apparently Philadelphia had this very short stretch of beach, but it was one of the best beaches in the world.

I now saw this beach as if I were flying over it from a couple hundred feet in a helicopter. I saw how short the stretch of beach was. The water into which the beach receeded also looked a bit murky, greenish black, not the kind of water you'd want to swim in. It also seemed like all sides of the beach were bordered by a rather intimidating fence. I saw people on the beach. It didn't look like a very fun place to go. But I kept telling myself, It's a luxury beach, one of the best.

I felt guilty. I didn't know why my family would feel like they needed to give me such an incentive to stay around a little while longer. They should have just been able to feel like they could ask me without having also to give me something.

Dream #5

I was outside in some kind of semi-suburban area that kind of feels to me now like Princeton, New Jersey. I was out in an area of open, wide, rolling lawns. In the distance were some houses and a short, long structure that was something like a church. There was also, somewhere else, a tall, stone statue of a figure like Christ.

There were a few other people in this environment, men, around my age. At some point, some man blew a bugle or made some general call to everybody. This, I told myself, was a "changing of the guard."

Apparently we had all been playing a game where some people were in charge of the other people. At the "changing of the guard," the people in charge were no longer in charge. I don't think anybody would be in charge at that point. Possibly the game would just be over.

At the "changing of the guard," we all had to go to one specific place, at the top of one of the rolling hills of grass. I was heading to that place. But at some point I saw one of the men in charge.

I had to scurry away in some weird way so that the man wouldn't see me. If he saw me, he'd taunt me or hurt me or make me do something embarrassing. He was allowed to do any of these things, because he was still in charge. And even though the "changing of the guard" had been called, if the man didn't know it, he'd still act like he was in charge. And I, for some reason, would still obey like he was in charge.

Now I was at the top of the hill with the same man, who was apparently an old friend of mine. The game was over, and it was now time to relax. My friend had brought some women with him. The women were naked. They were younger than we; I'm not sure how much younger. They were pale white and had pale red-brown hair.

My friend and I were going to have sex with the girls. Before this time, I now noticed, my friend and I had simply been "having sex" by masturbating and then coming onto torn up pieces of styrofome cups. I was still holding a piece of cup that was the base of the cup with just a little bit of the vessel still rising up off of it. The cup was a kind of pale, blue-green color.

I was just getting ready to come into the cup when my friend pointed out a girl to me. She was mine. My friend immediately got busy with another girl, right in front of me.

The girl who was mine kind of looked at me shyly. I felt bad. She kind of seemed afraid of this whole thing. I told her if she didn't want to do anything, we didn't have to. But if she did want to do something, she should lay down on her back.

So the girl lay down on her back. I think she was lying on a soft, colorful, plaid blanket, instead of on the lawn. I was now naked. I lay down on the girl. I had a little trouble getting aroused, even though it felt good to be on the girl. Eventually, though, I did get aroused, and I finally went inside the girl. It felt good. I asked the girl if she felt okay, too.

Dream #6

I had apparently gotten a new phone. I couldn't figure out how to make something on the phone's internet work. I had typed in a number of addresses for sites I wanted to get to. But none of them had worked. At this moment I wanted to get to some site where I could see some info related to my work. But I couldn't get it.

A woman who works as a coordinator for a volunteer event I go to in waking life said she could figure out the phone for me. So I gave her the phone. She's an older woman, kind of tough, but very nice. She's a little stout, with skin tan from always working in the sun. She has grey hair, which, in the dream was, I think, extremely frizzy.

As the woman figured out the phone's internet for me, I suddenly realized that a lot of the sites I had tried to access on my phone had actually been pornographic sites. I was hoping that the woman would just access the site I needed for work and not see any of the pornographic sites.

The woman now said she had figured the phone's internet for me. She seemed happy at first. But then she stopped, a little grossed out by whatever she had seen. She handed the phone back to me and gave me a disappointed look. I knew she had seen a porn site.

I took the phone, wondering what site the woman had seen. The screen had purple lettering on it saying "Daddy's Little Girls." I thought, Oh god, please don't tell me this porn site is what it sounds like. But I knew that it was exactly what it sounded like.

The background showed the side of a house with a pair of some kind of instruments that looked like something related to whatever I was looking for for work purposes. They didn't look like exactly what I was looking for, but I felt like they were close enough.

So I said to the woman, "Oh, there it is! The product I was looking for. That's the only reason I was looking at this site!"

The woman just continued to stare at me with that grossed-out, disappointed look.