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I remeber a few things, one of which was the best lucid dream yet (still not quite there).

1. The mailman came and dropped a package off at my back door. He rang the doorbell (our back door doesn't have a doorbell) and my dogs started barking. They ran out the door and started chasing him. He jumped into the pool. One of my dogs ran down the stairs and jumped into the pool to chase him.

2. I was in the city with a woman (don't know who). She was trying to convince me to buy something for her. I went to the nearest bar and got a drink. () Once I walked out of the bar I realized, "Wait...is this a dream?" I checked my surroundings and deduced that it was in fact a dream. I didn't rub my hands together or dream spin because the dream was so clear. But I got so dang excited that I woke up. This is my first dream where I remembered part of the dream prior to realizing that it was a dream.

3. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing that I had a beard. I thought "I really need to shave."

I dreamed I was swimming underwater. I can't remember using any breathing devices or anything. My friend Lawrence was leading the tour along with a few other people. Everything is tinted hazy blue.

We come to a narrow hallway with a large door at the end. The guys start moving towards it when I see a glowing parrot looking fish. I'm immediately told not to touch it because if I do it will kill me. So I evade it and we are helped through the gate.

Once through we are in an even larger area. There is a fairly narrow hallway sort of area that leads up s set of shallow steps and those steps lead into the wide open reef we came to see.

As we walk up the narrow steps I am stopped all of a sudden and someone points out a little hole in the base of the steps bi am told not go touch it because if I do it will come unplugged and suck me backwards and shoot me outta the room. That's good enough incentive for me to be careful.

With that in mind I continue forward and am constantly on edge not to touch anything. I see s semi large floating egg, about 12" long float by and I ask one of my guides If I'm allowed to touch the dragon egg even I'd just to save it from floating down the stairs and outta the room. The guide says no and as I watch the egg float by it flashes back and forth between the image of a fish and then back to the image of the egg.

For some reason Lawrence ends up getting way ahead of us and it's making the guides nervous. I tell them that I want to go back and they point towards the door at the end of the steps. I go to it and open it and then immediately I see the red parrot fish that kills on touch. It is alone in the vast blackness. I change my mind about leaving and turn back around.

I dream that a small group of people and I are heading down this steep forested hill. We reach the bottom and realize there is no true way out except climbing back up the other side of the bowl we climbed into. Before we do I take time to notice these absolutely gigantic trees that seem to tower over everything and while I do that I notice the spiders.

The spiders are gigantic and they have weaved a giant web around the entirety if the forrested bowl we walked into. I scream bur our leader ignores it and begins to climb up the side and past the enormously fat spiders. I'm frozen with fear and decide to follow too late. They take the spiders by surprise and manage to make it through a tiny hole in the web. The fat black and bulbous spider crawls over to the hole and seals it up. I am stuck.

I remember a fragment of a dream.

There was a party. It was at a pool. I did not know the place. My cousins were there, along with other people that I knew, as well as a lot that I didn't. It was crowded, but not uncomfortable. Everyone was happy and partying. Someone was tossed into the pool with his clothes on.

Conditions:
Fell asleep: 2:00 am

COMMENT LUCID NON LUCID DREAM SIGN

Ok, I had a pretty interesting non-lucid lastnight/thismorning. My 3 year old brother was at a park riding a/his bike and he wasn't even peddling. Missed dreamsign is missed. So he popped a wheelee(spelt right?) And well... once again, missed dreamsign is missed. So then he was going so fast that one of his wheels popped off. MISSED DREAMSIGN IS MISSED argh lol. but then he kept on going on a unicycle. missed dreamsign is.... oh you get the point! this whole dream was just one huge missed dreamsign! oh well... it tested my dream recall to its limits though.

As always when I experience a dissapointement, life gives me a little consolation Although I didnt manage to LD again this night, I did beat my record of Most Dreams in a Night. 4 is now the record to beat

Dream 1: I am on a black street in my neighborhood. I know exactly what street it is, its close to the cycling road and the park. I go by bike sometimes. Anyway I see Philippe (again) who tells me to come play with them. There is also Justin, Olivier (the black one) and Amelie. Justin proposes we play a game where we have to press with our thumbs as fast as possible. It hurts.

Dream 2: I register in a class at school to learn more about and sing like Billy Talent. As I look for the classroom, I notice I am the only student of that class. Up a big set of stairs, M.Dugré and a female teacher are waiting for me. M.Dugré pulls out a weird paralelogramme with blocks inside. There is a single block missing. He asks me what the signification of this object is for the band. I have no idea. He sighs in despair.

Dream 3: The whole dream is centered around screamers. First we go to a park with a big screen. My mom tells there is a pikachu screamer here. I do like usual and hide my eyes and ears. The park has a new screamer every day, and for some reason we always come back. Later my mom convinces me to watch it as it is not scary at all. It isnt, really. After the creepy music that begins, all you see is a pikachu that falls next to a Marill. Not bad. Then the next time we go, the creepy music starts and everyone yells. But not me Im hidden. Then the park manager tells us that the daily screamer is cancelled before it scares kids (go figure). If you want to get your daily dose of being scared shitless, you must go to a huge manor at night. Nice. I decide to stay with my uncle but since its my dream and the plotline doesnt go forward if im not there () I still end up on a boat to the manor. As soon as we get there I feel like ive been there before, either with school or at Quebec with my family. Except now its pitch black outside. Luckily, the dream ends before I get the chance to go in. This was NOT a nightmare. It was a regular dream with the addition of something that would scare me in real life Had I watched one, it probably would have turned into a NM.

Dream 4: Short since it was at 7:15 in the morning. I am in the house when I see a big orange ball. Theres a big crack in it so I decide to put my head in it. I can still breathe through just fine. I walk around the house and watch out not to hit things. I also go on the patio and downstairs. Not long but counts as a dream

Type: regular dream.
Lucidity: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Vividness: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I was behind a square piece of hedge on the lawn of a rather modern-looking house; the exterior was saturated tan stucco with sienna brown accents, and the driveway was two flat slabs of yellow-tinted concrete. The location must have been set in a desert because the sky was blue and there wasn't much grass on the ground. I could see everything around me, even though it was fairly dark outside.

I was looking at a man who was walking along the driveway. His name is Hank, a character from the AMC series Breaking Bad; he was wearing a black jacket, slightly baggy, and blue jeans. I saw a flash of a salmon-colored shirt underneath, where the jacket was unzipped. He looked the same as the image below, but obviously with different clothing.

The car was red and fairly rusty; it looked like a van made in the 80's with sharper corners and less curves. There was a thin panel of polished wood placed horizontally around the vehicle as an accent.

He got into the car without opening the door; instead, he slipped through the open window which was slightly larger than it should've been. He turned the car on with an exaggerated twist of his arm, turning the key, and began to back up. I moved along the hedge as the car backed up, and then pulled out a cell phone. Without dialing any numbers, I immediately began to speak into it. "He's here," I spoke into the phone.

A pigeon appeared beside me; it was light gray and had black speckles all over its wings, as if someone had dusted it with pepper. It had the same cell phone stuck to the side of its head, without being propped up by anything. But it didn't speak, it just walked along the ground and disappeared on the other side of the hedge.

Non-Lucid
Side Notes

13-08-10 Fragmented stuff only from this night. In one dream I was back at that dreadful marketing job, trying my best to spend as little time on the phones as possible. I was doing the best in terms of time spent on the phones per lead, but I was just not happy. Mark was leading the team and he was shredding people's performance, he acted like a dick. Although right after the shouting he invited the entire team for coffee on him, I sort of missed out on this as I had to explain a couple of things to some clients who loved my little acting. An old school friend of mine (who never worked with me when I lived in England) was stood over the setting really wanting me to explain the quality assurance procedure. After this I walked out into the streets realising that I knew not what coffee shop to go to, it wasn't the usual shop and none of them looked as they used to (I remember feeling a bit suspicious about this, but I managed to find my friends soon after realising this).
…
Well after this hell hole, dreaming got a whole lot more interesting..
…
I was in some weird house after a party and my family was hungover. My sister requested that I joined her for some Crosby (it wasn't actually that particular show, but this is what she said) Now thinking I am in for a world of hurt she flicks on the telly and they explain their intentions of not only showing the next 6 episodes, but also how they will integrate Lady Gaga's new album into these. Just great, 3 hours of agonizing family entertainment spiced with ear sundering attempts at music are my thoughts at this point. However I quickly realize that the episodes will be centred around a boy-scouts-meet-girl-scouts-camp, which indeed sounds horrible, until I realise that the only rules in the camp are: boys must wear moose hats (lol) and the girls (lead by a brown haired, short Lady Gaga, yummy!!) must wear transparent bikinis and make themselves 'available'. For a short while I shift and I am actually in the camp exploring it myself, which is thoroughly enjoyable, until I shift back. At this point Drew (a good friend of mine who worked in the marketing company mentioned in the previous dream) is also lying watching. We talk about a test I still have to do that he, completed some time back by reading six pages (!?!?). Anyway, dirty as I feel, I decide that I would rather watch this show alone, so I come up with food as a distraction, I go to the fridge and see that there are some sausages and tomatoes which I decide to cook. I ask my sister how many she wants (Neither her nor me question my intentions of eating hot dogs at this point, which is odd considering the fact I am a vegetarian) anyhow she wants six. I go back to the kitchen and realise I am a vegetarian and decided to just go for the tomatoes. I wake up.

On side notes I attempted to WILD last night, and reached a state where the hallucinations were many, but kept getting distracted by some sort of bug (I checked it, and it was actually in the room). I couldn't seem to get past the hallucination point, but I did feel my body slap into a completely relaxed state. At certain points my body would shake violently, but pleasantly (something I have experienced while stoned AND (not simultaneously as I never practice meditation techniques under influence of any kind) when having practised quigong) I can stop these shakes with conscious efforts, but I tend to take an observing role and just let it roll over me. However I had had no sleep prior to these WILD attempts which could explain why I was unsuccessful (I am an utter noob at this though, so this is just way of getting across that I have read the WILD tutorials ^^).

Omg, this dream was really really freaky and weird!

I don't recall the beginning of it but somehow I hurt my arm really bad. I think I almost died or something in the injury. The first things I remember is that I was in the room in which I stayed in my parents place when visiting them in Umeå. I was surrounded by a whole bunch of people I know (Simon and Kim are the ones I can recall). Somehow my friends were helping me to regenerate into perfect health. Unfortunately my arm was too damaged to be regenerated because it wasn't connected to the rest of my body with veins anymore. I had a huge chunk (approx the size as if you would have ripped it off with your hand) gone from the upper arm. Only the bones and like some centimeters on the underside was left. I needed to get blood into the lower part of the arm, otherwise I would lose it. This was done by letting a bumblebee crawl there. Somehow that gave me like a plastic pipe from the vein in the top part to the lower part which allowed blood to flow through.

It hurt in my arm and I recall feeling faint due to the blood loss. I could barely move/lift the lower part of the arm because then it hurt in the wound.

After some time everybody was gathered in the living room to watch spirited away. The couch was crowded by people. I still felt pain in my arm and I knew that it would take really long time if it would heal. Linus said some word in english and Kim said it back to him in swedish but he didn't hear due to the noise from the TV. That made her believe that she had pronounced it wrongly when she hadn't so I told her she'd pronounced it good.

Plotron was suddenly there as well and sat next to me, lol (even though I have never seen him). He praised a sculpture thingy that stood on the window ledge. He said some constructive things about the construction. It was Linus who had made the sculpture and I told Plotron that. I was eating ice cream with my left hand since I had the injury on the other arm. I then dropped some on the floor and when I was trying to pick it up, I couldn't because it hurt when I tried with my damaged arm and I had the ice cream in the other. Plotron saw that I needed help and picked up the dropped ice cream and ate it, haha. XD

Peter and some other guy said to me that it was strange that I couldn't use my right arm. They didn't really believe in my injury or that it was that bad. I decided to show them the hole and I started to pull up my sweater arm. That was a un-nice process since every time I accidentally touched the injury, it would hurt and my arm twitched a bit. The hole was now covered with a bandage or something, but there was a hole in the bandage where you could see a part of the wound. they said "damn" or something similar.

Then I woke up and thought "omg...". I even checked my arm to make sure it was whole. xD The strangest thing about this dream is that it was sooo long! I remember having the impression that when we sat there and watched the movie, it was for a really long time. During all of this time I felt a slight pain in my arm that would get worse whenever I moved it or something. really freaky and weird dream.

Okay, so the night before yesterday, I remembered some dreams. I didn't write it down yesterday and now it is almost entirely gone from my mind. I do have the keywords I wrote down right after awakening and they are very funny. xD First of all, considering the handwriting I think I was extremely tired upon writing them, lol.

Some guy was evil
Me rabbit form (I have vague images of me being half transformed into a rabbit. I could jump to the ceiling)
Beat the guy due to starcraft? (wtf starcraft)
Daniel move, walk with furniture (This is something daniel kinda wants to do irl as well. To move somewhere and walk there with the furniture)
Dog challenge
Talk with a wheel (okay, wtf. This takes the prize)
Edi make fun of animal planet

PART 1 - DRAWING

Something about drawing...

ANALYSIS

I've been learning to draw and practiced some new things yesterday, likely trigger.

Wasn't able to get ahold of the voice recorder, hopefully will be able to try it tonight.

I've been waking up through the night a lot lately, which is unusual for me. I think it's because I feel compelled to sleep on my side, but I'm concerned about how that may affect the "ailment" I'm currently dealing with. May give it a try tonight, see if I have recovered enough for it to be comfortable and without negative effect. Would be interesting to see how it would impact recall.

13.08.2010

Urban Warfare (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This dream started off as if I was simply playing Call of Duty, but the control and semi-lucidity got better as it went on.

I was part of a small squad of three or four men and our commanding officer- who was Sgt. Foley from the game. We were running uphill through a mostly deserted city. I remember thinking it had to be somewhere in India. We were supposed to be running to the extraction point beside a river. A helicopter (presumably ours) zoomed overhead. As it hovered above the horizon, it was shot down by an RPG.
"Oh no..." said Foley. "We were nearly there." We kept running up the hill anyway, as we were being persued. As I ran, I began to think something was "off"- which I often do in dreams where I'm running. This was enough for me to try and fly as a reality-check. I took off like a rocket at a 45 degree angle, heading uphill to the river. The lucidity I got was not quite as clear as I'd have liked- otherwise I would've remembered to do some tasks or something. Instead, I dropped down to the ground and waited for my squad to catch up. They ran up the street towards me, ducking for cover behind cars as they went to avoid a hail of bullets which was only getting thicker.
"There's no way out," said Foley. I indicated the river behind us.
"Aquatic escape?" I suggested.
"No, the only way out is the way we came." This made absolutely no sense to me, as I was sure I had seen boats and jet skis on the banks of the river when I was in the air. I decided we would get more action if we fought our way back though, so I agreed.



Looking back down the street, I could see that our enemies were massing. There was one large figure standing in the open, assembling something. He placed a large cylinder on top of a stand and got behind it.
"Shit- RPG!" I yelled. He fired, and everything seemed to go into slow motion. I darted to the side of the street and took a leap into an alleyway. The leap took me higher than the first floor windows, and out into the next street. There was an explosion behind me, and I was hit in the back with debris. I found I was quite close to the river again, so I did a hulk-jump up to investigate, landing on a high pier. As I suspected, there were jet skis. In fact, one solitary man had just parked his in the middle of the river and started swimming. I decided to steal it. I jumped from the pier into the river. It was a yucky brown colour and had quite a bit of algae. The water was about four metres deep, and I actually had to kick off the riverbed to get back to the surface. The swimming man was none the wiser as I hauled myself aboard his jet ski and (finding the keys still in the ignition) sped off.

I lost lucidity duing my trip along the river. I got caught up in the scenery- it was beautiful. I passed settlements, boats, canoeists and hotels seemingly built out of the riverbank. Eventually my jet ski sprung a leak and I had to abandon it.

I felt the dream slipping, so I focused on using Allura's version of time dilation, and the dream stabilized. I looked over at Data and asked him what dream we would be viewing today…

I was back in MoSh's inner world, in his living room, sitting on the couch beside MoSh with Data in front of us. Data said he had another dream queued up to be viewed. The holographic view system activated and the scenes around us changed to the scenes of MoSh's dreams from the night of December 3, 2009.

Present day MoSh and I were in an office of some kind, a really nice one, and MoSh was sitting at a desk with some old looking papers on it, they looked like old parchment. I looked closer at the parchment and it had an outline of a person with different energy centers highlighted, it was a drawing of an astral body along with an energy body.

Larger Diagram
I studied the picture on the parchment for some time, for some reason I thought it was important. There's a link to a larger picture of it, but I'm not sure if I got it right or not, I just did the best I could. MoSh then took another paper and wrote some more things down, but I didn't get the idea I needed to remember those, so I focused on remembering the diagram on the paper. I wondered what the chances of me remembering that were… I was still focused on that as the images of the dream changed, and I didn't even realize the dream had changed until MoSh nudged me because I wasn't paying attention.

MoSh got up out of a sleeping bag at night, and stretched before walking down the hill. He met Asuka down there, but he didn't seem to recognize her, which seemed to get her a bit annoyed about that, but soon MoSh seemed to realize who she was and they talked for a bit, I got closer and I could hear that Asuka was trying to make MoSh become lucid, but he wasn't doing it… She was trying again when the dream shifted once more.

Now it was a park, it was still night, although it wasn't completely dark… maybe early morning or late afternoon, and I got to see just what I always wanted… MoSh taking a dump… which I didn't stare at, unlike a rude DC who came along and walked right in as if this wasn't as rude as it appeared… I said out loud, "Data? What the fuck did you leave that in there for?! I didn't really need or want to see that…" The dream shifted.

MoSh was with a woman, it was Asuka, and she was slightly behind him, I remembered she'd had that bad habit for a while of not being where MoSh could easily see her… They went into a building that looked like an office, there weren't any other people there, it was completely silent there. MoSh was exploring the place, Asuka staying just a little bit behind him, when he entered a larger room that looked like it was meant for large presentations. Not big enough to call it an auditorium, but bigger than a normal office, with seats lined up and a stage at the front. The only light was coming from candles lining the sides of the room, which actually gave it a rather creepy atomosphere. MoSh went up to the stage and started playing a guitar that he had summoned, he was playing very good. Asuka took a seat in the front row and listened attentively, I also listened, he was playing classical music, which I am not very knowledgeable about, so I couldn't say what song or composer. But he had more audience than just Asuka… weird specters floated in as he was playing and filled more of the seats. Neither MoSh nor Asuka seemed to notice them, and I didn't sense hostility. Another shift in the dream…

Now there was a short bit of MoSh with Asuka in a small playground, there was someone on the teeter totter moving it in odd directions, MoSh joined that person, the teeter totter moved erratically, and both of them nearly fell off and face planted… Asuka looked like she couldn't decide if she was worried about them getting hurt or wanting to laugh at the ridiculous looks on their faces… "Hey, Data!" the present day MoSh said to me, "We don't need to see every little fragment, just get us to the parts I asked you to see!" The dream shifted…

Now I was looking at MoSh back on the hill where he had been a couple segments ago, where the sleeping bag had been, and Asuka was with him. She asked MoSh about an unconscious dream walker, said she would really like to meet her if that was at all possible. MoSh said he wasn't sure where H was at this time, then he walked over to two other men and asked them if they had seen H. The younger of the men said H was getting ready for the party, of course. It was H's birthday, he added that MoSh had better have brought a present this time… and a real one, not some piece of shit. MoSh asked the man where the party was taking place, and the man looked at MoSh like he was nuts. He said MoSh already knew that, MoSh said if he knew he wouldn't be asking. The man hesitated, giving MoSh a strangely blank look that I have only seen on a DC, then he repeated that H was getting ready for a party. MoSh called him useless and walked a short distance. Asuka looked at the two men for a bit, then she looked at MoSh for a bit, said if he could focus on H, she thought she could open a portal to get there. MoSh agreed to that, and after just a short pause, Asuka opened a portal and then followed MoSh through it.

On the other side of the portal we were in a big room that looked more like a warehouse than a place to have a party, but there was a woman there working on changing that, she was hanging decorations on the walls, covering the plain concrete floor with what looked like colorful beach towels… lots of them… Asuka went over to the woman and introduced herself, it turned out the woman was H, and H said she was very busy with the party preparations. Asuka said H shouldn't have to do all the work for her own birthday… Asuka started helping H out, she brightened up the place by creating colorful flowers and making them grow over some of the uglier parts of the room. Before long it did look like a really festive place. H said she still needed the cake, she asked MoSh about the cake, MoSh didn't have a cake… H told MoSh he was supposed to bring the cake, Asuka said no, she was supposed to bring the cake, and it was right here… she summoned up a cake, a very fancy cake, it looked really delicious, though it looked more like a wedding cake than a birthday cake… and H didn't miss this fact. She told Asuka that she was having a birthday, not getting married, but then she took the cake and started eating it like a pig… then the dream shifted.

Next there was a car on the road, and the past MoSh seemed very interested in that. There were four people in the car, a man and a woman in the front as well as a man and a woman in the back, the men were both on the driver's side and the women were on the passenger's side. There was nothing remarkable to be seen about the group, it was dark and they were driving a bit fast, the driver wasn't paying enough attention… was there going to be a wreck? Sure enough, there was a wreck… the car slammed full speed into the back of a stopped semi truck, crumpling the front of the car completely and triggering the airbags in the car… there were 4 airbags, two in front and then two in the back of the front seats for the rear seat passengers. The man on the driver's side was lucky there was an airbag, he was not buckled in. He flew forward into his airbag, then he acted like he couldn't breathe. The woman next to him was behaving a bit strangely… I saw she had what I think was a pencil and she was stabbing the man in his right side over and over and over and over… ok… that one was a bit disturbing… The driver from the semi came back to see what had happened, he saw the woman stabbing the man beside her. He asked what she was doing, she said unfortunately the man beside her had been killed in the accident. She fished around on the floor a bit and came back up with a screwdriver, she continued stabbing the man with the screwdriver even though the truck driver was watching… um…

Another shift in the dream? Nope. It ended this time. MoSh and I were back in his living room. MoSh was not pleased with Data, he said he'd asked for the important dreams, not every single fragment he'd ever had! MoSh was especially annoyed about the one where he'd been on the toilet, although I had made sure to turn away without seeing anything… in fact, I would have sworn his pants hadn't been down, he had just been sitting there on a toilet doing absolutely nothing… but MoSh was still yelling at Data about including non-important dreams in the set. Data stated MoSh hadn't defined what an 'important' dream was, and since hidden dream signs could be in any of the dreams, he had included them all. MoSh was quite exasperated, I'm not sure if that's what woke him, but he disappeared. I woke shortly after MoSh disappeared.

Me (a paladin I think) and a group member (mage?) are on a rocky and grassy hill with a cave at the top. The cave contains two fast spawning titansteel nodes (one for each of us) and a green ogre that we have to continually kill to farm the nodes. We eventually leave the cave and find a bandit camp on the same hilltop. We meet another player (hunter) who rushes to the cave and steals my titansteel node, as I can see on the minimap. I grab small boulders that all have the exact same shape (circular with random rounded edges) and throw them infront of him, spelling out a word because I think that they look like they could be letters, all I can remember are the letters o, and e+r ("loser" maybe?). My partners tells me to warn him if the authorities are coming, and as i chase the thief down a narrow valley on the hill a large mob of people appear at the bottom. One walks up and yells something, and then kills the thief. I then retreat back up the mountain, running away from the mob and shouting to my partner to let him know that they are coming and we are in danger.

Don't remember a huge deal of last nights dreams.

I was dreaming of the simpsons and Mr Burns was really ill. Then it faded and suddenly my best friend Stuart was standing in my living room telling my mum he was going deep sea diving. He asked me did I want to come and all of a sudden we were standing on a dock with wooden slats, I could feel how cold the wind was and see the water all round the dock. At the end of the dock was a building with glass doors and I followed Stuart in while telling him that I needed a snorkel. He said that we could just share his. Inside the building I remember that the wall looked like it was made up of mostly green light, with pink and yellow at the top corner.

Then I woke up.

After waking up this morning, it was too early to get up to go to uni and I was feeling groggy so I went back to sleep. I fell into sleep paralysis (although my brain wasn't fully awake, it was pretty much still half-asleep) and I tried to lucid dream. Luckily it seemed to be a pretty deep sleep paralysis (previous times I would just wake up once I noticed myself breathing) and so I held onto it mentally to delve into lucidity.
I closed my eyes and imagined going through this weird place, and went through some weird tunnel thing at a factory. Just like how you close your eyes and imagine that you are somewhere. I was doing this for a while and thought that I was still just imagining it, as opposed to dreaming it.
I have a feeling that I was actually dreaming though, but I really can't be too sure. Silly me didn't do a reality check :/