Recent DJ Posts

I was in a house that connected to another house? but it was hard to get too. And though this didnt really seem to figure in the dream, the other parts of the house were floating in a void (that's right nothing there at all). I felt I had to be careful I didn't fall into the infinity of space, is all.
In order to get reach the other parts of the house I had to really strain. In these parts, a staircase, a little kitchen, a corridor and some little room, were provisions I could nab, for myself. I was able to release my breath when I got somewhere safe.

Next I was dreaming about a race of werewolves. They're were two groups the old which had some kind of powers too, shown by blue streaks of energy (tendril like when they moved) and a younger breed which was trying to usurp the old (they had red trails).
The younger werewolf would soon overpower the others by eating its way through enough victims (prey), which included werewolves.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I have been crossing a desert with few lucid dreams these past couple of years, mostly due to my mind's attention having been taken over by "reality" and its demands. But lucid dreams do happen once in a while. I had one a couple of nights ago, I suddenly got aware I was dreaming and didn't waste any more time, went straight to realizing the whole dream scenario was an illusion and made it all disappear and just hang around in the void and emptiness. But I didn't last long, I felt that cry of despair of the ego, wanting to go back to what’s familiar, to references... and as soon as I felt it, I was back into the stream of dreams.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I am on top of a mountain when I witness an amazing out-of-this-world happening. First some kind of ball of light appears in the sky, surrounded by a kind of dark vortex around it. It starts growing and causing some disturbances on the ground. Then some other type of energy in the shape of stormy clouds seem to appear to counteract its effect. Then a giant alien being appears in the sky and the energy ball grows even stronger and starts sucking some things towards it and disintegrates them. I can clearly feel reality fading away as it enters that light. I'm right at the edge of its pull and I feel it touching me deep inside and showing me the “reality” after everything I know disappears. It is the end, nothing will remain. I feel an emptiness and a sadness beyond words. I am a river of tears in the shape of a soul. But the counteracting force seems to be gaining hold and preventing it from moving as fast as it would. I don't know what this means. I still feel it's the end of everything today, but now I feel the urge to warn people. So I descend from the top of the mountain and I spread the news high and low that the world is coming to an end. The people closer to me do not believe me, even seeing the giant luminous ball in the sky growing by the minute. How can they deny it? I don't get it! But many others believe the same thing I do and the news is spreading fast. I then encounter people abandoning shopping, all of a sudden realizing that they don't need any of that since they will stop existing soon and then realizing that it was true anyway at any other moment of their existence. We were always going to die, we just didn't know when. I feel what they feel, they too are a river of tears.
I feel the urge to find my friend Zilla. I don't know where she is and instead I go to her parents. Her father opens the door. He invites me in. He already knows what's coming. He says I won't have time to see Zilla, as she is far away, but that he has a gift she wanted to give me. I see it right away: she had bought two awesome white samurai swords, identical, one for each of us. They are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I don't even dare to touch them. I tell him to let them stay together as they are now on a shelf. I will never touch them, there's no point. I am happy just to have seen them.

Last night I found a new and very weird place in my dream world. I don't know its name, but I call it the void.

The void is a spectacular place. As the name suggests, it mostly an empty gigantic space. It is not dark, at least I think so, since I can see perfectly inside of it. The empty space has this faint blue luminescence that allowed me to see. I could also float around at will, merely thinking where i wanted to go was enough to make me float in the direction.

It seems that the void contains fragments of buildings, soil and other things floating in patches. These patches must be incredibly far apart, for I could see no other patch from the ones I visited. These small areas are connected by some kind of wormholes, that looked like spots of absolute black against the blueness of the void. I soon learned that the wormholes was deceptive, if you go through one you end up in a new spot, but if you then go back again then you don't end up where you started! I learned that the hard way, when I realized it was impossible for me to backtrack my way to the patch I came from.

I don't remember how I ended up there, together with two people who I saw as rivals, if not enemies. I had fought them, each of us leaders of a faction of some sorts. Probably a battle inspired by the unhealthy amounts of strategy games I've played lately....

One of our common enemies, a necromancer, lived in the void. He had the power to open a gateway to the normal world. Maybe that is how we ended up there?

Finally a positive DJ entry from me.

So recently I've been getting into online dating. Just a few meet-ups more than dates w/ guys, not much to say successfully in that department BUT a few weeks ago I decided to join one of the large ones with all those compatibility questions so it seems like I'm getting more SERIOUS. My first match on that service messaged me and it's not been a few weeks of constant texting. I'm meeting him tomorrow, and the dream I had last night relates to that.

In my dream, it starts out with me in my roommates at my apartment at night. I get a call from this match saying he's outside. I know that in the real world I'm supposed to meet him at the restaurant, which confuses me why he's here and knows where I live but I blissfully head outside to meet him anyways. He's in the parking lot walking towards my building and smiles when he sees me. Suddenly there's all these friends of mine surrounding us. I suddenly hear a plan in my head that all of these friends of mine and this match are all going out to a mall together.

We get to the mall and it's mostly empty. Apparently we're there pretty late but nobody's closing the stores. Most of the mall store-wise is empty too, there's empty stores, and big blocked off stores that say things like "coming soon" and such, but there is a pawn shop store so we all go in there and take a look around. Inside the pawn shop, there's a few people in my life I recognize, including a past crush. My heart sank seeing him, but in a sinking way of "oh geez he's seeing me with another guy, idk how I feel about that." I tell my match about him and tell him to move away and ignore him, and he was successfully ignored. We get up to the register and check out some trinkets that I can't remember now what they were. I'm now realizing my body language with this guy: super duper close. I have one arm around his back and the other against his chest in a "you just saved me, my hero!" kind of pose, and it feels AWESOME. I look around and people notice the attraction between us. The guy behind the counter even winks at us.

We all then head for a food court, where there's a lot more people and a ton of long rectangular chairs. The match guy and me head for a buffet and grab out food, realizing all of my friends have gone elsewhere to get food. There's an open almost empty section of tables we sit in waiting for the rest of my friends to join us but they never show up. Match guy and I are on our own.

After this it's more like a montage of us roaming around a mostly empty mall, all smiley and happy and the whole timing in general just slows down. Like I'm completely happy and whole and just enjoying his company. So yeah, before this dream I knew this guy is super awesome, but now that I've had a dream with him and how I feel, I guess I can say that my subconscious likes him too.

And if I have any more dreams about this guy I'll post em, but I don't want this to be a gossip journal all about this one guy and updates on him and me and all that jazz. I'm just focusing on the dreams if I have any more.

TA DA

Now the world is gone, I'm just one...

I wake up in my bed. I am naked, I wonder at the fact that it's already time for me to awaken, since it feels as though I've only just fallen asleep. I'm about to leave my room, but on the way out I lean against the wall near my door, pressing my forehead against it. 'How can I know whether I'm dreaming, or awake? It's all the same... How can I know any of this is even real... Keep sleeping to dream, because I hate my life, hoping I'll come out of it better, with some shred of something I can use, something to inspire, to move, to find an answer, an escape. But sleep just seems to install new bars into this cell. How can I even know I'm not dreaming right now.'

For the fuck of it, I flip the light switch just beneath my head on and off. Nothing happens. I look at the ceiling, the walls. Everything is here. The mask hanging from my door, the books, the silvery rays coming in through the window. I realize I'm not awake, but still asleep. I reflect for a few moments on how detailed and vivid everything is, how 'real' it is, nothing missing. Realizing this doesn't make me happy or excite me, but instead fills me with a feeling of isolation. The walls no longer real, just pictures of walls, the idea that beyond them, isn't a real city, no apartment, no livingroom, no father... Beyond these walls there isn't a home, because these walls aren't real. They're just my memory of them. And what of the real walls? Those don't build a home, either. I'm upset by the lack of comfort, familiarity, of reality, since this 'room' is just a 'ruse'. My malaise deepens as I reflect on how, 'the real thing', isn't actually any better. What was I expecting?

An anatomically correct digital rendering of someone's face, speaking, crying... The 'realness' of it isn't moving, but disturbing, soul-less. It looks so real, it's 'correct', but it isn't. It isn't comforting. It's unnerving, you become suspect of something so... Accurate, but, lifeless. A doll.

I pull on a pair of jeans and start to slide my belt through the loops. I stop partway through fastening the belt, realizing the pointlessness of getting dressed in a world that consists of only me. I think, I don't want to know what's outside of these walls. And I don't have to, I can leave another way. I open the window and remember how I'd been thinking about jumping out of it. Well, now I can. I remember how much I think about punching it until it breaks, when I'm mad. I slide the window as far open as it'll go, but it refuses to open far enough to let me jump out of it, it jams.

So I punch the window. It doesn't give. 'This is MY DREAM, and you BREAK.' I put my fist through it, it shatters, shredding my knuckles open and raking the flesh off my arm as it goes through. My arm is 'reforming' as quickly as it's being torn apart, as I need to thrust several times to knock out all of the leftover shards. Knots of scartissue creep up my arms like ribbons, replacing the gashes. I rip the frame out of the window and toss it behind me.

For a moment I question whether I'm really dreaming, or just having delusions of grandeur before I jump out of a window and kill myself. 'I'm going to fly,' and I close my eyes and rocket out of the window, or so I think. Turns out I actually just jumped REALLY HIGH. I float back down onto a building lined up right beneath my window. Looks like a warehouse. I am alone. I consider making someone to travel alongside me, consider summoning a DC. I start forming one, particles aligning in the air. I delete it before it materializes completely. There's no point. She's hollow. A shell. Like building a robot of a woman. I can't bring myself to do it. I have to just move forward and hope there's something at the end, hope I'll find someone, find somewhere.

The fastest way to the other side of the warehouse is 'through', so I slide the door open and go in. Inside is a 'panic room', the walls made of steel. I hear the door behind me bolt shut. It's silent, just like outside. Nothing, no one, is in here. I shake my head and laugh, egging on my subconscious. 'I can't be kept in here. Is this supposed to make me afraid?' I go to the far wall and sock it. It leaves a huge dent, but no opening. I take my finger and use it as a laser cutter, slicing out portions of the wall until I have a square opening big enough to step through.

It opens up into a roof top. It's a beautiful day. The sun is out. Everything is clean. Deserted. I look down onto the empty streets below. I snap my fingers and people appear. Down below, their cellphones go off, chewing gum, laughing, signing each other, driving, eating, biking, unknowing. I want to believe they're real, that I can save them, have a meaningful interaction with one if I just greet with selective blindness, be the king of ants. But I can't swallow it. I snap my fingers again and they disappear.

I have to keep moving... Find something, anything, other than this horrible quiet, or the alternative- synthetic companionship. I jump from roof top to roof top, on and on for miles... The buildings slowly become more and more decayed, crumbling, wisteria growing through the old concrete and splitting it. I reach the last rooftop. I've reached the 'end'.

It's a white sand beach, with colorful shells scattered about, and then the ocean, all around. This is the land's end, the very end, and there is nothing else. I look around for someone else, some sign of life, evil, good- either, something other than just.... This. I can't stand how beautiful it is, the perfect waves, the flawless sand and sun, but my heart drained of all enthusiasm. The 'perfect day', unthinking, fills me with agony and isolation. I drop to my knees and thrust my hands out in frustration, reel back and start to scream at the sky. I want to eject this pain, vomit all of it out, be capable of feeling something besides 'empty', 'broken'.

My scream starts out as a human scream, faintly echoing back to me through the hollow corridors of the buildings behind me. I keep screaming, and the scream grows into an otherworldly roar, screeching into the perfect blue. The scream develops earthquakes, the sea shoots up around me in spikes of black water, jutting into the sky, which grows dark, and the wind begins to howl. The clouds and the waves, claw at each other, meeting in the air. Lightning snaps all around, dead sea creatures rise, cooked, to the surface. Cyclones form, hurling debris around me. The tide creeps up and fills all of the sea caves, swallows the buildings, swelling higher and higher, engulfing the land, then, crushing it in a fist of water and black ice. The sky has opened up into the sea, reaching into it, an enormous gaping maw.

I get a view of myself from within the mouth of the sky. A tight cylinder around my body upward, is the only space that is dry, a beacon of sand and light in the havoc. I'm on my knees, still screaming, long hair coiling and snapping like snakes around my head. The rest of me is frozen, fingers curled in agony and frustration, as the scream just rolls on and on out of my body. I'm trying to eject everything, purge it, but it just keeps going. I keep screaming hard and harder, waiting to 'run out' of pain, run out of the need to scream, but the pain doesn't go away. I'm trying to 'let out' something that's endless. The world is destroyed, but the pain goes on, never emptying. The cup continues to fountain and overflow.

This is pointless. I stop. The sky reforms, the tide sucks back into the sea, the sand dries, the buildings reappear, the sun peers back through the clouds. There isn't any trace of what just happened, anywhere in sight. No sight of the pain. It's hidden again. Perfect again. Quiet. It feels the same. I lay on my back in the sand, motionless, wishing my life, my dream, would make up its mind. Please start, or just be over with. This isn't living, and this isn't dreaming. It's over. It fades to black.