Recent DJ Posts

This has happened to me on several occasions now. I can dream while 100% awake and walking around. All that's needed is being tired enough. These episodes only last maybe two seconds, but enough for a random image, thought or sound to manifest. If there was ever a case for 'time compression' in dreams, it's this.

On one occasion, I saw people through my closed eyelids because I took a little bit too long to blink. Extreme exhaustion.

On another, I saw a street scene on our coast. And cars. It all looked so real, and yet I was awake and walking around. Not just minor hypnagogia, but sights and sounds.

Years ago, I was on the bus when I was suddenly 'teleported' to a street not far from there. I manifested in the middle of a street and a car had to brake really hard to avoid hitting me. We drove past that location later.

I had a bunch of visual hallucinations while still technically awake.

Tapping on table, the table is suddenly gone (I'm still tapping but I realize I'm in my real bed so I stop). The ASMR I was listening to included water sounds, and this translated to water appearing in the hallucination in some form.

I was near a house where something happened earlier (except it didn't, fake memory). An old wooden house. I saw a big spider running on the floor. I woke up and panic, thinking the spider was in my bed. Took a good few moments before the reality of the spider not being real had sunk in.

For the past few days, I've had more of these experiences that occur during the waking phase, right before gaining full consciousness. It's almost like I am speaking to myself. It manifests as an "inner voice", which feels alien to my character, but at the same time definitely comes from me. Like there are two of me existing simultaneously, but are separated. I have a potential explanation for this phenomenon.

During sleep (in non-lucid dreams), the "logical" part of the brain (the frontal lobe) is mostly shut down, and we are guided/motivated almost entirely by our subconscious (which is why we are less "restrained" in dreams, and tend to "follow the plot" without thinking things through properly). When waking, the logical part of us wakes up. Perhaps, for some reason, I don't sleep as deeply as I used to, and/or my waking phase takes longer than it used to. During that time of "ultra light sleep", my consciousness (frontal lobe) might awake while my subconscious is still asleep, and immersed in a dream. Instead of leading to lucidity, it might cause some kind of temporary "split" of my consciousness and subconsciousness, in which the former can give "advice" to the latter...

In both cases I experienced thus far, the inner voice was a "voice of reason" that gave advice on my dream experience, things that I would have missed if not for that hint. The voice has some kind of "meta-knowledge" of the dream. In one case, it told me something would not work - and in another case it outright told me to stop being a zombie and flee from the hideout of an obvious serial killer... something my dream character was blissfully unaware of until the voice told him... me... whatever.

Weird stuff.

HH Experience.

I woke up and I heard foot steps on the floor boards as if there was another dog in the house. It was walking up the passage way towards my bed room. I'm not too sure If I did this during or after the HH, but I put my hands under the blanket to see if my Dog was there, and he was. I was tripping out a little, not realising that this was a HH experience. I felt something jump onto my bed, and walk towards my back (Sleeping on my side). I was thinking to myself WTF? is this a ghost or something. I thought maybe it was my dog which passed away earlier this year, and that it may have been his spirit going through the house. I didn't even check if this had been a false awakening or if I could move at all. I was just observing what was happening and staying calm. I think I had drifted off to sleep not long after.

DEILD (7.00 am)

Time Lucid - 3 to 4 minuets
Non lucid - grey text
Semi Lucid - red text
Lucid - blue text

I had been training myself through mantras to stay still and keep my eyes closed for a few days. I was successful in doing this and focused for the DEILD attempt. I didn't really do much, except do nothing and wait. I could now see a scene of my bed room, as if I was seeing through my eyes. I knew that I wasn't awake due to the fact I had my sleeping mask on. The scene was vivid and had little speckles flouting through out my scene. I figured it was time to try and enter the scene. I tried to get my body up out of bed and did it!

I didn't get too excited. I checked to see if I was dreaming and checked my hands (Had 6 fingers on each hand). Lucid! I left my bedroom and walked down the passage way and tried to turn the light on so that I could observe my house easier. To my surprise the light switch didn't work, which gave me even more confidence that I was dreaming.

I went back towards my room and expected a girl in my bed room (Yes, my penis has got the better of me, once again.) I expected a girl called Tahan, she is a Big Brother Australia contestant. I looked around and noticed that the blanket was risen as if there was a body under there. I got under the blankets and felt a body. I grabbed a hold of her body and started to have sex with her. I couldn't see her face, as it was dark. I was having sex in a awkward position and for some reason, and didn't want to move too much, thinking that I may wake up.. My dog Rex tried jumping on top of the bed, so I pushed him down and continued having sex. I decided to do a couple reality checks that I wanted to test out. I tried pushing my tongue through the roof of my mouth, which didn't work. I heard of this reality check not long too long ago, where you block off your nasal passages so you can't breath. It worked! I will definitely add that to my hidden reality checks.
I lent backwards so that Tahan could get into a better position, but unfortunately I woke up before I could finish.

What. A. Night!

After working out (more intense than I usually do) I decided to take a nap. I also decided to try and hit 2 birds with one stone and attempt another WILD.

WILD Attempt #7
I lie down, turn on my white noise app (which is turning out to be very helpful) and close my eyes. I remember how much trouble I have with concentrating on my eyelids and throw a hat on over them for extra measure. After 15-20 minutes something is happening that hasn't happened before. My legs feel like they are floating off into the air. My arms quickly follow. Could I finally have reached sleep paralysis. I see some kind of picture in front of me. It looks like a glowing blue spiders web (Not the round kind, a more disorderly web, random patterns and all the wonderful stuff). My heart starts beating hard, not fast, but hard. I feel like my heart has moved right up into my head, it is literally pulsating. Everything calms down after about 20-30 seconds. Am I in a dream now? Probably not, I can hear the white noise and feel that hat around my head. I may as well check though. I take the hat off, plug my nose and breathe. Alas, I'm awake.

Considerable progress though

I downloaded an app on my phone that was supposed to help with meditation. Well it did clear my mind and all that good stuff. But I still haven't gotten any success.

WILD attempt #3
Awake: I lie down in bed, shades drawn. It's dark, quite, comfortably warm, ideal conditions. I turn on the app, it's playing ocean sounds. I lie still, within minutes my legs are numb (This so far is always the first thing to happen). This is followed by my right arm, and I never remember when my left arm goes numb. I start seeing the green lights again, they move like a wax in a lava lamp. They go away quickly. I lie still for awhile and eventually feel a sensation at my feet. It feels like a mix of heat, water, and my feet dissolving. It doesn't spread any further. I try to envision myself sinking into my bed. No dice. I keep myself semi-focused on the ocean sounds throughout it all, not a thought at all except for a song I like playing itself in the back of my head. The green lights come back again, it makes only one round this time and fades away. I'm back to numb feet and only a semi-numb right hand. At thirty minutes in, I give up. I do a reality check. Alas, still awake.

Lost dream
Non-Lucid: I was somewhere outdoors. I don't remember what I was doing, who I was with (if anyone) or why.
Awake: I wake up and lose the memory of the dream after attempting the second WILD.

WILD attempt #1
Awake: Wake up from my alarm, get out of bed and walk to my door. As I open it I remember it isn't a school day and remember why I woke up so early on a Sunday. Go back to bed but fall asleep.

In the Cafeteria
Non-Lucid: I was in my high schools cafeteria looking through a pamphlet, or maybe a year book. I came across an odd group that was named something along the lines of "school year-book porn". I thought this was odd, but continued in non-lucidity. After talking to some people (I don't remember this part of the dream but I feel like I know it happened) I woke up.

WILD Attempt #2
Awake: I wake up around 8 A.M. and it's fairly bright out but it shouldn't matter much, my window is small. I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing. I count every breath I take.
Hypnotic Hallucinations?: First sign of HH I start seeing green strips of light going across my left eye (don't ask me how I know, I just know it was only my left one). My arms and legs go numb and feel heavy. Now the green strips turn into large green rings that quickly shrink, only one visible at a time, all appear and shrink in the same spot. There is a bubbling sound, like after you flush a toilet, it goes on for awhile but I don't know if it was real or part of the hallucinations. I feel something in my hand, it feels like someone is rolling a spherical object in it. My heart rate quickens and I remember to take deep breaths, it won't work if I get excited. The rings stop and turn into little balls coming from the right and falling eventually (still green, still one at a time) I start seeing a white glare coming from the bottom, but I think it was just my eyes opening a bit. After this goes on for a bit the rings come back and I can feel just how heavy my arms and legs are.
Awake: Everything except the numbness goes away and I decide that either I'm in a dream or I've failed. I open my eyes and count my fingers. Eleven... recount... ten. I try to push one hand through the other, no dice. Pinch my nose and breathe, nothing. But at least I got to HH, maybe I was just too awake.

I was in the middle of a dream when I heard a loud BANG, literally next to my ear as if someone slammed a door. Which is odd, because my appartment only has 2 swinging doors: my front door into the corridor, and my bedroom door. The rest are sliding doors that don't go *bang*. I don't even have a wardrobe, just shelves where my clothes live.

I calmed myself down, and started hallucinating (I hallucinate outside of SP as well as in SP) and heard a little girl say "HEY!" in a cheerfully excited tone. I even smiled at this, it was so cute. I heard another little bang (from my boiler) and in a flash I saw a grey decayed wall, like a ruin.

I felt the pre-SP vibrations and started to hear stuff, so I thought "Nope, not going into HH." so I said NO out loud and rolled over to my left side.

Went into SP anyway, of course, lol, while lying on my side. 2 waves of vibrations later, I woke up in the dream Again, I didn't bother RCing. ..had I read Matte's new competition rules, I'd have done it, because it would have given me points XD

I'm going to keep a log of my Sleep Paralysis experiences, just for my own record, motivation and of course, for others to read

This morning I woke up at 2.30 am, remembered 3 dreams and wanted to write them down.. ..but my DJ was left on my computer desk and I didn't feel like getting up. I also totally forgot I can blog from my phone XD Hey, it was 2.30 am

So I just lay there, contemplating on the dreams in an attempt to remember them in the morning (which worked, btw!). Then I felt myself get heavy and thought I'd attempt a WILD.

I kept thinking of my favourite subject to be thinking about before bed: Dominiq (recurring DC, I've kinda fallen in love with him). I used him as my anchor of consciousness. Then I felt the familiar numbness and started to hear things (HH), but thought "NO, I don't want to hear shiz!" so I moved my elbow slightly. Then it kinda felt like my hand was upside down, but my arm was not like my wrist was twisted. It didn't hurt though. I could still move my arm and hand and they felt fine. Then the feeling returned and I just let it be, occasionally trying to move a limb until I couldn't anymore.

I was in SP. I didn't hear anything but noise (which I was fine with), and a total of three vibration waves washed over me. Then when none seemed to come anymore, I tried getting up. I felt really strange like my body didn't bend as it normally would when you sit up from lying-down position. I also had trouble opening my eyes fully, but it didn't matter. I noticed it was pitch black in my room, whereas it should be dimly lit by street lights..

I didn't even bother doing a reality check, lol.

Middle of November, 2011

I had been sleeping about 3 hours a night for a few days when a friend had some heroin and I shot up for the first time. I was in a skype call and was sleepy, every so often I'd nod off and sleep for just a few seconds. The one thing I distinctly remember was a gnome that was all green but had a buckle on his hat so I thought he was trying to disguise himself as a leprechaun.

The second time I got high on heroin was a few days later, still hadn't slept much, and late in the evening (or early in the morning, depending on your perspective) I was sitting up on the floor with my legs on either side of my laptop, I started nodding off again, just closing my eyes and I'd be asleep. The more I did it, the more I remembered I was just dreaming, so after a few times I thought to try some lucid dreaming and manipulate things. Also, everytime I move I immediately come back to consciousness.The one thing I could think of that I wanted more than anything else was a person we'll refer to as Doe. So I would stay still, sitting in the middle of the floor, try and keep my eyes on one spot on the wall and let the lids just slowly close on their own without forcing them. These might be called hypnagogic hallucinations, idk. Nod off, Doe is there, has its own personality, talking with me, I breathe in and wake back up. Nod off again, and the room is replaced with a public park area with benches and a crowd of people sitting and standing, I can hear Doe trying to fight thru the people to get to me, still just sitting on the floor. Doe barely nudges thru, then I take in another breath and awake. Try again, this time Doe is right in front of me, my head is looking forward, Doe is standing up, leans over, I raise my head and awake. I realize if I try and move in the dream I move in reality. I try and look up this time before going for it again, it doesn't quite work, I can't fall back asleep looking up. I decide to go to the restroom before trying again, that way I won't have to get back up for awhile. I'm standing there, just holding steady and urinating when I nod off, and Doe is to my left, says, "Finish what you're doing here, then we can get back to it. Safety." Something like that general sentiment, so I heed Doe's words, wake up and start shaking my head to stay awake, finish up, wash hands, back to the floor. Nod off again, try to have Doe sit on my lap, facing me so we can just hug and hold each other. I wake up almost immediately. From this point on I can't do it again, so I just lie down and get some sleep.

This is my first entry in my Dream Journal, to help me on my way to lucid dreaming.
I went to bed very tired at about 9 pm. I laid in bed for n hour on my back, counting my slow breaths until I felt that familiar sensation of sleep paralysis, pushing down on me. I could be very aware of my surroundings, is the best way I can describe it, where even though I know my eyes are closed and I cannot open them, I can see my bedroom clearly. This usually would fade after a few moments and I would slip into a regular dream, which I'll get to later.
Perhaps the difference was that tonight I tried to slip into SP on my own, instead of when it usually happens for me - right after vivid REM sleep, usually with intense HH. Tonight I had little HH, for once - only soft whooshing sounds, faint shaking of my environment (as if in an earthquake), and pressure on my body. Maybe I was scaring myself - my SP is often frightening, and I kept remembering violent HH I had had in the past.
Anyway, once I was in a twilight-state of paralysis and wakefulness, I'd somehow hear the phrase in my head, "Am I dreaming?", followed by a horrible sense of dread, which would jolt me from my attempt. Another possible variable is that I have a headcold, therefore my breathing is irregular, often slowing or picking up speed.

I eventually fell asleep after giving up around 10:15. It's now exactly two hours later. For once I don't remember much, seeing as out of habit I tried to just fall back asleep as opposed to trying to focus on the more intense parts of my dream. I'll be going back to bed in a few moments, trying again a few times to enter the middle-state on my own terms.

11/17/2011
I wasn't even trying to WILD or anything when this happened. I'm thinking since I was experiencing a lot of stress might have been what initiated this.

I was just laying in bed with my eyes shut, I happen to facing down though I saw an image of a fan, rather than focus on it I relaxed since I knew I was fading from consciousness.This caused the image to become clearer. When my brain sent the signal to my body to tell me to move I ignored it and stayed still. Then the hallucinations started

It was two disembodied voice of children talking in unison.
This was my first auditory hallucination and if I hadn't understood what was going on I would have been completely freaked out. Even so, I was still kind of scared during the experience.

A lot of the things they said were kind of random, but I was able to manipulate them a little bit by expecting them to say things. That's why I was so sure it was an hallucination.

One of the things said was something along the lines of "I don't mean to complain but this guy is down my throat"

The last thing I heard the children say before I came back to normal consciousness was"the belly of the beast is right behind you!"

I think being scared had raised my heart rate to the point it woke me completely up.

Dream - Lucid - AP

I was in some sort of cabin, I remember the lighting being warm and dim. I thought I might be pregnant, but I wasn't sure. My cat was pregnant, and for some reason this correlated with me in some way. I looked at an ultrasound picture of my uterus, and saw a small flicker on it. Then, I knew I was pregnant. I knew I needed to quit smoking. I was kind of anxious about being pregnant.

~

I woke up from this dream, rolled over to go back to sleep, and had a brief, vivid hypnagogic hallucination that I was Ryan, and I was working in an auto factory. There were some older men around me. Then I really felt the need to pee, so I snapped out of the hallucination.

~

I was going on vacation with my old friend, Bret. We were going to fly to a different country. When we got there, we were trying to find a hotel. We found one, but it didn't have free Wi-fi, though that wasn't a huge deal. I also remember thinking about having sex with Bret, but the thought was brief, as I'm with Ryan, I'm not attracted to Bret that way, and he's gay.

Then, I remember waking up on a blow-up mattress on the floor of the hotel room. Bret had slept in one of the beds, which he told me was not a very comfortable bed. We went down to the beach. It was a beautiful, sunny day. The ocean was very calm, and the shore was covered in small seashells. I waded in the ocean. The water felt warm and comfortable.

I remember being on a mountain, and seeing two huge dragons. One was a male, and the other a female. They were friendly and meant no harm. The male accidentally exposed himself enough to where the town below could see him, and everyone started to panic.

Then, we were going to try to find another hotel. Bret ended up going back to the airport to go home kind of on a whim. Then, Jeff, a man I don't associate with anymore in waking life, was there instead. I was annoyed at this. Again, the thought of sex came up, but, again, I'm with Ryan, and Jeff is kind of a dick.

Jeff wanted to find a hotel with Wi-fi, so we drove around at night, looking for a hotel. We found one and stopped at it. They had free Wi-fi, but not a continental breakfast, which was a big deal, because I didn't have a lot of money, so I needed as much free food as I could get. I remember being in the hotel, in the lobby. The front desk has a display case of foods and stuff to buy. Jeff was chatting it up with the person tending the desk.

Then, we were back at my house. Jeff was still there. I remember talking to my mom about the trip briefly. I was then in my room, and Jeff had dissappeared, and I couldn't figure out where he went. I looked into my mom's office, and he was there, going through files on her computer. He was looking at patient files for my dad's patients (my dad's a psychiatrist in waking life). I said
"Jeff, get out of here. Get out. What you're doing is rude."
He got up and replied,
"This is my ex, I need to warn people about this.", or something like that. He was referring to the fact that she had been seeing a psychiatrist.
I told him to get out again. He finally left the room.

Then, I went back into my room, and looked out the window. Two tornadoes could be seen in the distance. I said "Oh shit...", and went downstairs, leaving all my stuff up there. I got everyone in the hall closet. Jeff was in the cubby under the stairs, and there was no room for anyone else in there because it was so cluttered. I briefly thought about going upstairs to get my purse and stuff, but quickly dismissed the thought.

After that, I left the closet, and looked outside. The tornadoes had cut a huge path through our back yard. There was a lot of water flowing through one of them, kind of like a creek. I went to get my mom to show her. She stared with wide eyes.

We then went outside to assess the damage. I told my mom I hoped that Mary Katherine's family was ok. We were looking to see if any homes were damaged, but none appeared to be. It was just the huge path that the tornado cut through the yard.

Then, by the ditch behind my house, I saw a tornado forming. I ran back inside, and we were all in the closet again. Jeff and my mom were in the cubby under the stairs this time.

After that, I left the closet again, and the windows of the porch had been blown out, and the porch had been ruined. I saw some sparks flying around part of the porch. I wondered if one of our cats who lives out on the porch was alright.

Then, I went upstairs to my room to get my iPod. I picked up an iPod that was sitting on my bed and scrolled through it. It went to Facebook, and some Facebook pages. It also had an attachment on it that would buckle it to your belt. I then knew it was Jeff's iPod and not mine. I brought it downstairs, but dropped it on the way down. I picked it up, and the screen was cracked. It was very broken. I approached Jeff and told him what had happened, and he looked irritated. I was going to tell him I'd replace it, but I decided not to. I figured that he had enough money to do it himself, since he's such a big business man.

~

I was playing something on the piano in my family's piano room. It was my wedding day, and I was wearing a strapless wedding gown. I was reading music, and two of the notes kept on clashing. I kept playing them, thinking something must be wrong. Then, my brother said "It's Bethel, just go with it." In the dream, Bethel was the composer of the music.

Then, we ran upstairs, and for some reason, my brother and I were fighting. I grabbed the back of his shirt (like I used to do when we were younger and we'd race to get to the computer), and he was thrown into the wall. I told him if he broke any of my bones before my wedding, I'd be really pissed off.

I found myself standing near a street in a bleak greyish city. I was next to a random Indian guy, who asked me what he could do in a dream. I asked him, "Why not jump in front of that car and see what happens when you die?"

He gave me a shocked and scared look. Then I said, "Why not try flying?"

"How do you fly?" he asked.

"Like this!" I answered. And I jumped up into the air - and fell back down. I quickly realized that I hadn't let go of gravity. Then I tried again, jumping up, and as I was falling down I started doing breaststrokes in the air. It worked! I was swimming through the air, not very gracefully (flailing limbs), but I was ascending. I was flying upwards, and I could see a greenish-brown mountain from up over the buildings of the grey city. A song was playing in my head as I flew - I forgot the song. I then started worrying about flying too high or too fast, or losing focus because of the song, so I made a turn and landed next to the Indian again.

I asked him what his name was, and a black rectangle flashed on front of my eyes for an instant. Then he cocked his head to the right and said very cheekily, "Nnnno." Then the dream instantly wrapped in black, and I woke.

Since it was a lucid dream, I caught the waking point immediately, and I realized I'd woken; so I decided to try my first DEILD, and didn't open my eyes or move. I felt my eyes and hand twitching, but other than that I tried hard to keep still.

Soon, I began seeing something in the back of my eyelids. Text instructions to DEILD appeared on a blue screen. I waited a bit longer, and the screen progressed into a "lucid-ability gauging" test, as if to test if you were good enough to enter LD, or to get you ready for one. It involved moving black pool balls in a water tank by telekinesis. First, an example run of one ball being moved; then a whole bundle of pool balls (in the triangular shape usually seen when placing pool balls together on a table) was dropped into the tank. I can't remember clearly, but I think I passed the test, as I was able to move on.

After that, I waited a bit longer, and the drill/static hybrid noise I usually hear during hypnagogic hallucinations came. I saw a final text instruction - "Remember not to move or open your eyes" - but I felt myself twitching. Orange epileptic light was flashing in front of and behind my eyes. I remember a voice saying, "It took me one minute of Chinese lightning..." However, I felt my eyes twitching even more.

In the end, I wasn't able to be wrapped into the hallucinations into a dream. Instead, I woke up. I realized I hadn't focused on the black behind my eyelids. I'd been bordering on opening my eyes.

Goddammit. Almost there.

Dream - Lucid

I'm at my house, and the weather is getting stormy. I remember the weather channel saying that it wasn't supposed to get too bad, but it is getting pretty turbulent. There is supposed to be a tornado. My family wonders where they should go, and I tell them to go into the coat closet downstairs, where we usually go. We all herd into the closet. I realize that I need to get some things out of my room, so I go upstairs and grab my purse and a couple of other things. It's kind of dark upstairs. I go back down into the closet. I look out the window before we shut the closet door, and I see a small tree about to get snapped in half by the wind. My mom tells us to all duck down and cover our heads, like my brother learned in school. We all duck down, and my family starts to pray out loud (very reminiscent to real-life events of about 7-8 years ago).

I woke up after this dream all scrunched up, when I had fallen asleep on my back.

I turn over to go back to sleep, and I start having extremely vivid auditory hypnogogia of the sound of coins hitting each other, as if I were counting down my drawer at work. Then, I have some hypnogogia of me observing people at work, and Jessi, a girl I work with, drops a glass and breaks it. The sound of breaking glass was so vivid, I snapped out of my half-asleep stage, and panicked for a minute, thinking someone broke into the house.

~

I was not myself. I was a teenage boy, and I had two girlfriends who didn't know about one another. I remember being in my waking life car, driving around. I woke up in the back seat, and my waking life purse was being stolen. I also remember being at a baseball park.

~

I was at school, I think it was supposed to be college. I'm in a "social studies" class, and three professors are teaching, one woman and two men. They are VERY liberal, and teach by acting out some sort of skit. They are trying to convince us to see something from their point of view.

Then, I was at home, eating ravioli. It was delicious and hot. My brother is in the kitchen too. I asked him for some butternut squash ravioli that he had been eating, because I had to compare the two for my class. I think they were trying to convince us that the squash ravioli tasted better. My brother gave me some of the leftover squash ravioli. It was a little colder than room temperature because it had been in the refrigerator, and had very little flavor. I concluded that I liked the real, meaty ravioli better.

Then, I was standing in the quad outside the library of my college. There were trees in the middle of the quad. It was very bright and sunny, and I was very, very hot. I was trying to find shade under the trees. I was smoking a cigarette. A bigger guy with red hair and facial hair resembling someone I know in waking life came up to me and told me something about him and his friends smoking 10 baggies of weed. I laugh loudly and say "I bet!". Then, another guy comes up to me. He looked kind of "ghetto". He had short, dark brown hair, a white basketball tank with light blue lining around the sleeves, and to top it all off, one of his front teeth was gold. His teeth were bad also. He asked me "What's so funny about weed anyway?". Then, I saw my dad standing in his running clothes with a huge, warm smile on his face.

I then woke up and my room felt like a freakin sauna. No wonder I was trying to find shade. o_o

Also, sorry for the switch in tenses. Some dreams are just easier for me to record in present tense for some reason.