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Tryna build my recall. As I write this entry I find myself remembering little glimspses of other dreams from the past few days. I won't bother trying to record them but I'll take it as a good sign. I can't even remember this morning's dream in a linear fashion, it's just an explosion of glimpses in my mind.

In my dream, I was in my old job. I've had a few dreams with this particular element in it over the past few months. I also owned my last (late) car again. I drove about in my car before and after work, just like I did in real life. I smoked in the car, just like I used to.

I was late to work, just like I used to be. But I was more late than usual. In fact this lateness has happened in every dream about my old work. I only vaguely remember dropping shopping off to customers.
I remember driving about Glasgow in the work van filled with customer shopping. But only briefly.

I remember a massive element of this dream was "The void" which I've been referring to a lot IWL in my efforts to spread enlightenment. I was teaching people enlightenment throughout the entire dream.

I remember being in my car with an old friend, we were smoking. We went somewhere, I can't remember where, but I was getting later and later for work. I think I eventually said "screw work!" or something along those lines.

Note to self:
I am noticing "The Void" more and more in-dream. This is really good, it means my enlightenment is truly sinking in. But I have a feeling I can take this further and use it as a sleep/dream yoga. Especially when lucid. I seem to wake up a lot when noticing The Void. I often refer to enlightenment as "super lucidity", so it makes sense. I get super lucid and wake up.

In this dream I had decided to save the world through enlightenment. This is something I decided to do in waking life about a year ago but only recently is it really sinking in and reflecting in my dreams. And I've recently come into contact with the Boddhisattva vows, which is all about being enlightened to save the world, rather than for the sake of one's own Nirvana. It resonated so well with me, because I was already on a path similar to that of a Boddhisattva.

I remembered the dream so crystal clearly when I woke up, but now that I've opened my eyes and started to write, it's gone...

I remember being in my car (I don't have a car IWL anymore, it was my old car from years ago) and I was giving people a ride, except I was introducing them to enlightenment on the way. Or I don't exactly remember driving it, but I remember it felt like the car was way past full, like 10 people in this little hatchback.

To my mind, as I was introducing them to enlightenment, it felt like I was literally saving their lives and their reactions confirmed it.

There was something else about this dream... I can't remember what it was... Gahd dammit...

I was walking in a dark corridor. I was with two people. I think one was my sister and the other is "Bob." (lol)

We were looking at ancient civilization architecture/dioramas/etc., but the light seems too dark. Even when we turn on some light, it's still too dark. After we saw one area, I told them about another ancient civilization area on the hallway to my right. I was thinking it's even more ancient.

We went in and it's still dark. We went inside an "ancient" house, although it looked more like a house in the Philippines during the Spanish era. We were walking around and I can barely see anything. I heard the voice of a child, so I thought someone must be inside. I turned on the light on my phone while we were walking. I partially saw a torso and legs of a kid (boy, I think) lying down on a table to my left. He was moving a bit, like he was woken up. I was going to approach him, but the other two went up the stairs, seemingly in a hurry, while still not running. I followed after them. They jumped out of the window. I was going to go out but I just felt tired and I let my arms hang limp over the window as I watch them retreat to my right. The window is level to the ground even though we went upstairs.

I felt strange because I wanted to go out the window but I was tired. I felt something cold in the center of my back, and I somehow knew something isn't right. The child, it would seem, was a spirit, and I think the other two knew it so they hurried. However, it caught me before I was able to get out, and it possessed me.

I partially awakened IRL and I felt cold around my torso (even my back, though I was lying down) and around my arms, as if I was "glowing," but instead of warmth, it was cold. I became slightly worried at the possession but I got over it. (seems it was the fan and cold weather outside)

I was back in the dream and I was with five people (or were there four and I was the fifth?). They were supposed to be bad guys. They wore dark-colored clothing. I was looking at myself. "I" was a human-sized rabbit with five floating wooden rectangular tiles with a symbol on each, and those things were floating in front of me. One was right in front of my face. They're supposed to be "eyes." For some reason, I got the nickname "Five-Eyed Rabbit." It seems it's the spirit that possessed me.

We were going to fight my previous allies, and since I was possessed, I was on their side. The other bad guys were laughing about it. I think I was either not going to fight or have the rabbit control me. I complained out loud. I wanted to "have fun" as well, and I usually just get to watch the fight from a third-person perspective. They thought about it and let me fight.

Along the way, my "rabbit" form changed to a human-like form, but still with long rabbit ears. My body was dark and covered with tattoos. The five floating "eyes" were still there.

I can't remember much of the fight, but I found myself jumping up some "ancient" walls. I keep seeing walls, usually blank, and I was getting lucid. I finally reached the top of the wall, and I saw nothing but some light. It somehow symbolized awakening or enlightenment. I became some sort of holy man. I changed the other bad guys to good. It felt more like Avatar Aang somehow. From third-person view, I saw "me" as a monk-like person, shaven and wearing robes.

We were on a boat. It looks... light. Yellow, somehow, but not the drab yellow I usually see in my dreams. This one is bright yellow but doesn't hurt the eyes. It felt... Chinese, somehow. (Dragonboat? Chinese New Year?)

There were some bad guys in the boat but fortunately, they weren't able to escape. The bottom part of the boat where they were supposed to escape was sealed. I don't remember what they were there for.

In another area of the boat, we were talking about how to turn the wealth that's being accumulated to help the people. There's one guy there, not a monk like many present, who kept thinking of expanding. I suggested to keep cycling the income enough to pay the expenses and give the rest to... charity? The people? Improve people's lives? (unclear)

It was then that I shared I need to go soon. I need to go out and see the world (help more people?).

I was on a bus during daytime. I was with a friend or just an acquaintance (it keeps on changing during the bus ride). I went down, but then I was inside a jeep at night in Quiapo. I was thinking of going home. I looked at the shops outside. Then I saw that we were going through the underpass. I was supposed to go down before the jeep goes down the underpass. I told the driver to drop me off at the next corner. He asked what street. I just pointed at the closest one.

I went down but saw that it was not a street at all but an entrance to a fancy restaurant. I walked a bit further. I saw Lico (who I think was in the jeep with me) eating inside a restaurant. I talked a bit to him and then I moved on. I was walking along the street. It seems too narrow to be a street. Someone (mom?) warned me to be careful. I took my trusty pen from my right pocket and felt secure. I can face anything with it. (I draw.)



---

NOTES:

- I slept for 1.5 hours. Set alarm.
- I listened to meditation my McGonigal (default mode) before sleeping.
- No coffee, no medicine.
- I felt tired and dizzy.
- I woke up dizzy.

Even though this dream was about DV conversation, the characters appeared visually like real not just as text. However, I do not remember what any of the dream character representation of DV members looked like.

I just remember the last bit:

TiredPhil (speaking in animated anger to another DV member): "You know it's obvious who is going to help me take lucidity up a level, and help me achieve a higher level of enlightenment."

This is the second dream I had on April 29th, 2010.


Dream starts off with me and my friend Becky atop a mountain at night. It is night time and we are in a desolate mountain range as there are only forest covered mountains on either side of us as far as the eye can see in all directions. The full moon is our only illumination. There is an old Victorian style mansion halfway down the mountain so we walk there. Despite the remote location, the mansion is a popular destination for touists and the place is full of people. People come and go in and out of the building almost nonstop even though it is the middle of the night. The thing is though, that the sign advertising the mansion is considered cursed and no one will touch the fallen lettering on the outside of the building, even though everyone wants to see it restored. I think belief in curses is ridiculous so I go over and rehang the fallen lettering. Everyone, including my friend, now believes that I am now somehow cursed and will not come near me. In fact I am forced to leave by being chased off the property and have to wander the mountains alone.

The dream kind of changes. My physical appearance changes to that of a young man dressed in primitive animal furskins rags and though I am still in the vast mountain range in which this dream started, my friend and the mansion (and all the other people) have disappeared and I am in the post-apocalyptic world that the first dream took place in - except it is a few hundred years later and things have gotten so bad that humans have reverted into primitive warring tribes living off the land. I wander through the vast mountain for ages, hungry and alone until I come across a small tribe of people living in some caves on the side of a particularily steep mountain. They are initially suspicious of me and keep my at bay until I convince them that I am unarmed, lost and hungry. I find out by chatting to a few people that the tribe are Goddess worshippers who have exiled themselves from the rest of the world so that they could practice their faith in peace since most of the other tribes still ascribe to the "archaic" patriarchal Abrahamic religions and still violently war with each other because of it. The chief of this tribe, an elderly lady who looks as old as the mountains themselves, tells me that they have revived the Goddess religion of human pre-history because the fighting between the warlike patriarchal religions are why civillization collapsed and brought about the apocalypse in the first place. They live on the seculded mountain range to avoid persecution.

After talking to the chieftess I am welcomed to stay with the tribe and encouraged to participate in a competition of strength and skill between the men. The winner will be hailed as the Protector Hero of the tribe and be rewarded with the responsibilty of guarding the tribe's safety, which is a huge honour for them. I protest at first because even though my dream character has changed into someone other than the me of reality, I still think I am female even though I now have a male body. The tribe tease me for as a man it is appalling to them that I back down from a challange, but I have no idea how to explain to them that I have a girl spirit inside my male body. Someone suggests that I am a good candidate for Protector Hero because of my modesty (which is very Goddess-like) and every tribesperson seems to agree except for two. Amidst the men of the tribe a young, muscular man appears and challenges the tribe's eagerness to bless me without the trials of the competition. He seems a few years my elder, but is extremely handsome and my girlspirit instantly develops a crush on him. The other man is a shaman of the tribe who also happens to be the uncle of the challenger. I agree that it is not fair for any titles to be bestowed without testing the strength and skill of all competitors and insist that I am not participating in the challange anyway. The men scoff and say that I cannot refuse as it is the way of their tribe and as a new member I have no choice to comply lest I be expelled to survive on my own. The young man tells me his name is Atka and we set off immediately for the first challenge which is a deer hunt in a nearby forested valley.

Every man is successful in catching a deer for the tribe to eat except me, partly because I have no idea how to hunt with a bow and arrow and the deer I was about to shoot at is quickly shot first by Atka who was hiding in some nearby bushes. I stalk another deer but it too is claimed by quick and hidden Atka. I score a deer finally but I am not strong enough to carry it over my shoulder like all the other men and have to abandon it where it lay. Atka, carrying a deer over each shoulder, jeers at me. He considers me an intruder and a rival - for he was the favoured candidate to become the next Protector Hero of the tribe until I showed up. I am determined to win the next part of the challenge, just so he'll notice me in a good way because my girlspirit is still going gaga over him. I am the only one to return to the camp without a deer. After we have eaten and night has fallen I am sitting alone by the fire, unable to sleep, when Atka's shaman uncle approaches me and tempts me with magical gifts that would supposedly assist me in winning the competition. When I refuse the magical gifts (because the dubious and suspicious offer is way too obviously a trick) he then offers to make the most beautiful woman in the tribe fall in love with me if I throw the challenge. When I too refuse that he becomes enraged and summons some shadowy spirits from the surrounding forest to attack me. I grab my bow and shoot at the shadows, but they are hard to see in the flickering light of the dying fire, and being noncorporal spirits, the arrows go right through them (though somehow they are able to hurt me). I begin shooting arrows in a panic in all directions and the shadowy spirits suddenly retreat as one of my frantic shots strikes the shaman in the chest. He howls in pain then quickly retreats into the night. I am afraid that I will be driven from the tribe for injuring one of their reveared shamans, (and be forever hated by the heartthrob Atka for hurting his uncle) but no one emerges from the caves to investigate the ruckus.

The next challenge occurs the next day at dawn. The remaining shamans of the group (Atka's uncle is no where to be found, but equally no one save Atka seems to miss him and I am still too scared of being driven from the tribe to confess the events of the night) demand that all participants perform a miraculous event saying that if we are favoured by the Goddess that nothing is impossible. One by one all of the participants fail to do anything special and are eliminated from the competition until only Atka and I are left. I am to go first so I will myself into the shape of a fish and plonk myself into a nearby stream and start swimming around. Atka tries to one up me by transforming himself into an otter, leaping into the same stream and catching me in his teeth. He surfaces and shows off to the men who appaud wildly because not only am I trapped in his mouth as a fish, but I am also trapped in the body of the fish whilst he has a hold of me and he is yet able to revert back to his human form. He tosses me around in the air a few times to make his point before throwing me back into the stream, where I am able to finally revert to normal. The men all have a good laugh at my expense. Point to Atka.

The next challange consists of Atka and I having to climb down the steep side of the mountain with no protective gear or ropes, pick a rare red flower that grows in the valley below and then returning up the mountain again. It is a race as well as a test of physical endurance. It is midday and the sun glaring down upon the bare mountain side feels like it is going to bake me alive because unlike Atka, I did not strip off my furskin top before beginning the challenge - add this to the extreme physical exertion needed to cling to the rockface I begin sweating like crazy. Though Atka is older and more muscular than I, he is under no stress whatsoever, even though I am ahead at first. Eventually my hands are sweating too much and my body too tired for me to carry on and I silently conceed defeat and start climbing back up the mountain.

As I pass Atka, he strikes out with a hearty fist and knocks my block off, and knocks me right off the block. I am pretty sure I am falling to my death and though I am not scared I resign myself to my fate. I don't feel any anger towards Atka, though I do ponder the contradiction between the peacefullness of the tribe and his overly aggressive competitiveness. It is a long drop but when I hit the bottom I kind of bounce off something soft and coushy. I have landed on the rare red flower that I am supposed to retrieve except I have a new dilemma now because the flower is absolutely massive, being the size of a VW Microbus. I lay on my rose bed and contemplate for a moment what to do next (and enjoy the cool breeze while I catch my breath). Atka is still a ways up the mountain so I know I have time. Remembering how I transformed into the fish I climb off the giant rose and will myself to grow in size so that I am as tall as the mountains. I mearly have to pluck the rose from the ground (which is now the size of the nail on my pinkyfinger) and place it on the mountain ledge where the tribe is waiting.

Atka is not yet completely down the mountain but he decides to copy me and lets himself fall off. Before he is able to grow himself large and copy my feat I am able to revert back to my normal size and land on the ledge where the rose is, which also shrinks to a normal rose size. The tribe welcomes my return and Atka begrudgingly follows shortly after. This round to me, but we are not done yet as there is one more challenge apparently. Before it can be explained Atka's uncle returns and accuses me of asking him to help me cheat as well as trying to kill him the night before. I don't have any proof that reality is the reverse and figure that the tribe will take the word of a respected shaman over the word of an outsider anyway. I also don't have proof that Atka punched me in the face and knocked me off the mountainside and my girlspirit is heartbroken because of what he did. I meet the accusations with bitter silence because I am angry, frustrated and despondant. Just as I expect, the tribe asks me to leave when I cannot refute the allegations. Still clinging the rose I retreived at the bottom of the mountain I am escorted by the men of the tribe to a path that leads away from the tribal camp and told never to return.

Atka looks on without saying anything, his facial expression stern and unreadable. My girlspirt surges up one more time and I shyly offer him the rose, not sure how he'll respond to what looks like a guy offering him a flower. After a brief and almost akward silence, he accepts the gift and even smiles at me. Suddenly the mountain begins to shake violently and everyone is thrown to the ground. The shaking stops after a few moments and I stand and put my head literaly into a cloud. The mountain has doubled in size and now towers over all others in the entire mountain range. Everyone starts jumping up and down and cheers. Apparently I just passed the final challenge by allowing my heart to reugn over my mind, and thus elevated the entire tribe to Nirvana or something. It is revealed that the whole tribe knows about Atka and his uncle attacking me and the test was about forgiveness or something, which I did in the end and magically I am transformed back into a woman. The end of the dream becomes distorted and fragmented and I cannot remember anymore.