side notes

April 12, 2012

Day 3
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Meditated with "Between Worlds" CD hemi-sync. Survived w/o any "distractions". I noticed that I kept feeling like I was moving when I don't think I really was. I seemed to go into a light trance very quickly and float in and out of a deep trance because when in the deep trance I tended to nearly fall asleep. So, as soon as I went under, I snapped awake and was out of the deep trance.

Still my mind chimed in with all kinds of comments and advice: "Don't think about the bum gif...", (which means I thought about the bum gif)..., "Okay, don't focus on the base chakra but move onward." (which means I focused on the base chakra BUT I did move on and got my abdomen chakra to thud as well as the solar plexus and heart - didn't go further). I did a bit of energy work as when one wants to experience OBE it's helpful to prime your energy body for OBEs. Basically, I'm just preparing for whatever comes or doesn't.

Nothing special in meditation other than feeling heavy, getting some reaction to my energy work, and trying to focus on the blackness behind my eyes. (Energy work: envisioned white pool of energy beneath my feet, then I draw up the energy from the pool through my feet and eventually circulate the energy. It makes my feet and body warm and buzzy...no not that kind of buzzy.)

Tonight, I will write in my journal an affirmation and leave the real life DJ on my beside table. Sooner or later, I will recall a dream and I want to be READY!

Just tried to WILD in a nap. I got into sleep paralysis pretty quickly, and then I saw some colors and stuff, but I was mostly just waiting there for a dream to start. Then I felt a sneeze coming on, and I figured I'd just let it happen, so it did and I saw a flash of blue and then I sat up and did a reality check after I sneezed. I was awake. Er, am awake. This just happened. So maybe I'm dreaming, but everything seems pretty real so I'm gonna say this is real life. Darn!!!

April 12, 2012
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Wrote affirmation in my dream journal: I am open to exploring new worlds and remember my dreams upon waking.

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Fragment: Something about MASH the TV show. I remembered it after I'd already woken up this morning and fallen back to sleep only then to realize I needed to get up immediately. So, I sort of forced myself awake. Nonetheless I still only recalled the 'theme'.

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Side Note: I began perusing through my old Astral Dynamics book and noticed a section on activating the chakras. Apparently, it is very common to have the Heart center go all spastic right before exiting the body. The last time I consistently meditated (year or more ago) I was doing energy work and activating/opening my chakras. My heart center had become so strong that I thought something was wrong. I even stopped my meditation and checked my pulse only to find it was not elevated. (which is what the book said would occur) It seems that if one can ignore this pounding and let go the next thing to occur is an OBE. I, obviously, was not able to let go. Bruce said it was very hard to ignore and the man was certainly right. Only mention this because I think that is what's occurring during my most recent meditation but in the base or abdomen chakra - which causes one to focus on sexual energy and distracts you. You're supposed to also ignore it and move on to the next center. Being completely out of practice, I focused on it and whammo - orgasm.

Meditation Day 2: April 11, 2012

I hunted for my other CD that is also hemi-sync but not "Between Worlds". I could not find it! Poo! So, I decided to try and block out any unintentional or unwanted distractions. This round I noticed a few things - I seemed to nearly fall asleep a few times, and I was startled awake during the session. I hadn't gone completely under, but was on the edge, like you feel right before you sink into unconsiousness.

I kept my focus on the blackness behind my eyes. I use it like a screen or chalkboard when I want to visualize something, but in the beginning meditations, I use it as a focal point. When thoughts came, and they did come, I would blow them away or acknowledge them and realign my focus.

I felt very relaxed today - maybe because I didn't get enough sleep the night before or because I was going deeper into meditation. I don't know yet. My body got very heavy. I know at various points my fingers, the middle and thumb, felt like they were no longer touching and had actually moved into different positions. When I pressed them together, they had not moved and were still touching one another as the back of my hands rested upon my thighs.

No particular images arrived to distract me....until the Didgeridoo sounds began. I swear to God this thing must be some sort of vibrator because it's tones send a vibration straight down my throat to my groin area.

I just acknowledged these sensations but realigned to the blackness behind my eyes. However, the Didgeridoo vibrations increased and so did the sensations in my core. And like a little girl on Christmas morning, I ran straight to the present under the tree! I found myself reflexively breathing very deeply - deep enough so it inflated my whole midsection. And I became aware that as the Didgeridoo played and held its note, I held my breath. As I held my breath, the vibration seemed to have a better path/connection to my sexual center (chakra above the base). This vibration just grew and then the sexual images arrived - And it was all over until the Didgeridoo stopped playing and another instrument took over. Ahem. Naughty self...

I'm a bit disappointed, but I knew it was like playing with fire. I knew my mind would be just itching to repeat that sensation. So, it's my own fault. Not a bad punishment - I'll take it. But it's not my goal to climax every time I meditate.

After my fun time ended and the music shifted, I found myself lost in darkness again with random thoughts coming and going - mostly berating myself. "Told ya you should have gotten the other CD" "Why didn't you just meditate without any music?" "You wanted this to happen, so why are you surprised?" "Better find that other CD." On and on the comments came like some scolding friend or parent, chiding me for my misguided choice of CD. I heard them and refocused each time saying, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I know you're right.

*Black screen.*

The rest of the meditation was good. Got very sleepy. Felt a little disconnected from my body at times. I get the jumpy sensation or that falling sensation when I lose myself. But it was a good start...

*Note to self: FIND THE OTHER CD STAT!

Apr 10, 2012

My meditations have always been vivid, and when I start the process of dream recall I amp up, or in my case now, start my meditation schedule. When I meditate, especially in the beginning, I use metamusic/hemi-sync/embedded binural beats with headphones to assist my focus. It's just my method and won't work for everyone. I find it blocks out my bodily noises that are especially distracting at first - heartbeat, breathing, gurgling stomach...as well as blocking out external noises: clocks ticking, cars, airplanes.

So, in this particular meditation I used the 'Between Worlds' metamusic CD, which at one point has a very heavy beat that reminds me of a tribal setting. I had no intent other than meditating and focusing my mind on the music. But scenes of nondescript tribal people in a circle around me came to mind, and I couldn't shake it. So, I went with it. Everything was blurry though. It was almost like I was in a drug induced state within this 'visualization'.

The tribe acted in chorus with the music. They chanted and played the instruments I heard - one of which is a didgeridoo. Google it and listen to the heavy sound vibration and you'll see what I mean. You can also google Hemisync and binural beats to get an idea of what I use.

Then, my focus shifted, and I felt a pulsing in the first/second chakra. It's not a helpful way to focus your attention because it ends up being a complete distraction, which it ended up being but in a good way, I guess. Anyways, the first chakra is in the lower pelvic region and the second one is your sexual center, I suppose. It's they are the two most primal and basic of the charkas, IMHO. [Feel free to correct that if someone knows otherwise.]

As the first/second chakras pulse, my attention gets drawn specifically to that region and my pelvic region begins pulsing with the music. Well, the music had a very heavy beat that began slow and sped up. The visualization - or my imagination - which is one and the same in the beginning - happily went with that.

In the center of the tribal circle lay this man - I never saw his face just his legs and I knew he was naked, but I did not see any naughty parts . Again, the whole scene was blurred. I felt, more than saw, myself moving toward this man and I did a sort of 'hands in the air and move like you don't care' type of dance to the beat. I fell to my knees and straddled him and began moving to the beat in my visualization. As the One thing lead to another and...I'll leave it there as I don't know the appropriateness of this post. [so apologies ahead of time]

Now, what always gets me with meditation is wondering why my brain pulls me to one direction or another as I don't recall thinking about sex before I started. While some might say this is a GREAT meditation, do it again - it becomes a complete and utter distraction from the main goal, which is to focus and clear your mind. Well, if you're focusing on sex and climaxing, that's not going to clear your mind. Next time, [today] I will use a different CD because I think it will become an issue and my mind will immediately go to the tribal scene like a little girl on Christmas who can't wait to open her presents and runs directly to the Christmas tree...

Dang body - you're a treacherous sneak!

All I remember is that I was explaining something to someone about how my cousin died, but his mom and older brother were there and I didn't want them to know I was talking about him.

I've been having awful recall lately. I need to start going to bed at a normal time, and not my usual 2:00am. Does anyone else have trouble with this?

My kids just don't seem to be getting better So Sleep has been mostly non existent and dreams short and murky if apparent at all, but here's my catching up for the week:

4/4/12-

Dream One: An assassins creed dream. There were lots of bubbles, and I was on a stealth assassination mission on a tower. I wasn't alone, there was someone else helping me, maybe the game was multiplayer in the dream?

Dream Two: I'm following some one, then I see some police step out. I notice they look like German soldiers from WW II... one looks like Hitler and hands me a business card. The card is for some dating service. I think it's funny, Hitlers trying to help people hook up. An Asian dude walks by with huge headphones on, then looks over his shoulder at a huge billboard that takes up the whole wall of a big city building.

Dream Three: Another Assassins Creed dream. I'm scaling walls.

4/5/12-

I'm at some sort of school dance type function. My old drama teacher is there, as are a couple other teachers from high school. I see a friend I had a crush on back in the day, but he looks a lot different. His hair is darker, and long... while I know his hair these days IS long, it's red not brown like in the dream. I stare at him for a moment not recognizing him, then realize who he is, and talk to him for a moment. I remember feeling in the dream like I was by myself, and I wanted to be near people I knew because I hate being alone and awkward. Funny thing is, I found out later that day via Facebook that it was that guys birthday. I haven't spoken to him in years (I graduated like 7 years ago, and he left school a couple years before me) I'm not even subscribed to his news feed so I never see any news about him, so it was a neat coincidence

4/6/12-

Dream One Notes: Forum W/ White light room, Snow? Aunt (can't remember these now )

Dream Two notes: Security check, Balls (Still can't remember)

Dream Three: I was in a world with Vampires and werewolves (just called them Weres, so perhaps there were other animal shape shifters as well) someone wanted me to make them a ball room masquerade type mask with red and silver paint. There was a well or a cave or something I was nearby and thinking of going to.

Dream Four: I was at a family dinner. There were broken fences in the back yard. I had a lot of cousins over. I needed to pee, so I went to the bathroom. When I got in the bathroom I discovered that I was wearing some sort of form shaping underwear that covered from my arms to my knees. I couldn't figure out how to take it off, so I tried to sit on the toilet and pee while wearing it. It got really wet and I realize what a bad idea it was. Later in the dream, my grandpa was there. Then I went home.

Dream Five: My brothers pet snake Pete was ten times it's normal size, and I was baby sitting. It got lose and was slithering through the house. Everytime I'd see it's tail and start to follow it to catch it, the tail would disappear into a hole in the wall and I'd be looking for it again. I remember searching the car and the bathroom.

4/7/12-

Dream One: I'm in a building, maybe and office or hotel building. I'm either looking out a window or standing on the ledge about to scale the wall. There's a guy with me, I think blonde or brunette, and he's sad because he wants me to stay but I have to go.

Dream Two: I'm packing to visit my best friend. I'm talking to her on the phone as I pack and we are so excited!

Dream Three: I'm in the backyard and the ground looks like it's moving. At first I think it's worms coming out of the ground after rain, but then I realize there are MILLIONS of tiny six to ten inch snakes crawling all over the yard. I try to kill then by cutting their heads off with a shovel, but there are too many. I tell my husband to get the lawn mower and run them over, but he swear it wont work and not to worry about them. I'm so sure they're poisonous snakes and we need to kill them before they're big enough to bite.

6/8/12-

Dream One: My cousins daughter and her daddy are delivering Skylanders to our house. It's dark, and the daughter is afraid to walk in the grass because she thinks she will step on a snake.

Dream Two: I'm on a bus, on some sort of trip but it's dark. I feel like I'm not a student, but not a teacher either. Perhaps a parent helper or something, though I don't see my kids on the bus. We're in my town, and I tell the bus driver I'm from the area and that if she gets lost I can help her find her way. Time skips or my memory is missing, but we end up in a room with a door and a window to another room, like the receptionist at a doctors office would sit behind. There's a lady we're waiting on behind the counter to open a door for us. I see a tall guy with blonde hair and a long face looking at me. I wonder for a moment why he's staring at me, because he's being very obvious and stalker like. I think for a moment that maybe he's K because K has blond hair, but his face doesn't look like K's, and he's taller and more bean poleish than K. I ask him anyways why he's looking at me. I don't remember the reply, I think it was that I looked familure or something. I ask him if he is K, and he says Yes. I tilt my head and shake it, No, he's not K. I tell him he's lying, he doesn't feel like K. Then I feel like my attention is being jerked to my left. I look, and there's K! K starts to talk to me, and coyly asks me if I've been looking for him. I think he asks if I missed him (it's been a while since I've seen K for sure) and of course I do, but I can't remember how I reply because I feel cocky like I'm flirting by playing hard to get. He tells me he's in a band, and asks me if that makes me want to date him and I think he grabbed me around the waist and put his fore head against the side of mine so he's talking right into my ear. I pulled away teasingly, and told him I didn't much care for band members, but if he really liked me I guess I could give him a shot. I look away at the end though, acting like I wasn't so interested after all. Suddenly a really short guy dressed like some sort of gangster want to be (complete with the gold bling necklaces and baggy clothes and silly hat!) jumps up in front of me, and he's shorter than me even (I'm 5 ft, so that's SHORT!) and says, "I really like you! Would you give me a shot?" I'm playing hard to get, so I tell him sure, then look at K to see if he's jealous. He just smiles like he find the whole thing hilarious. I'm pretty disheartened by his response, but when I turn back to the guy I agreed to give a shot He's suddenly a little kid my sons age (no wonder he's short!) and I think it's hilarious and adorable because he's acting just like my son does when there's a teenage girl around and I'm like I'll just humor this little kid for a few minutes and hold his hand and walk with him to where ever we're supposed to go then break it to him gently that I'm way too old for him. We walk through the door, and we're suddenly outside. It's still dark, but the sky up the road is glowing red as if there is a bright red light illuminating the sky. The road is blocked off, and there are some emergency vehicles. Someone's saying there's an airborne chemical in that area that is burning people and they are trying to keep people away and evacuate the unaffected people. I see a girl who reminds me of a Hawaiian friend of my husbands. The dream goes into third person, and I'm watching her go home. There's a little girl there, and she's upset. Apparently the older sister brought some sort of chemical home from work, and the little girl dropped it on the floor and it spilled. She scooped it back into the container, but it had dirt mixed in with it. The dirt made the chemical change, and when the sister got to work the chemical became the air borne chemical that's burning peoples faces. The older sister is worried the mistake will be tracked back to her and she'll get in trouble. The little sister keeps messing with things that belong to the big sister, and she snaps that it's the little girls fault. The little girl gets something black on her hands, and the big sister gets worried that it's the chemical and it might burn the little girl. She wipes the child's hands off and starts crying, then I wake up.

From my notepad posted this morning:



Today was my third lucid I think, but this one was the most intense I had so far. The longest one too. It's Easter Sunday today and I've been pretty sick with a head cold the last few days. However, at around 11:20 am it happened. I was quite sick last night and was on medication while sleeping, which had probably started wearing off already when I had the dream.

On waking up at about 11 I stated to myself that I wanted to have a lucid dream. Then I fell back to sleep almost instantly.

First I had a normal dream, was kind of in an office building with the hubby waiting for something; to book a vacation or room or something. Not sure what it was that we were actually doing there, but there were a lot of other people there too. We had to sit at a table and wait our turn. When it was finally that it SHOULD have been our turn, the people who ran the office stopped working to have lunch. I was not happy about this, seeing how the office was now empty and we were the only ones who had not been helped. So I walked around, and sat at a different table talking to one of the people eating lunch in the next cubical over; they said I had to wait; it would be about an hour. Looking at the table after the conversation again, there was suddenly a key, and a new phone, with head set in two different packs that was not there before. I thought someone had forgotten it there. I took it and thought to perhaps let the staff know that if anyone lost a phone, we'd be around town for a few more days, they could let us know and we'd meet them to return it. I didn't trust the office staff; since they were not very helpful to us. Before I could decide on the phone or even show the Hubby the phone, he wanted to leave, since neither of us wanted to wait another hour. Then suddenly the scene shifted, he was not there anymore and I was outside.

The next thing I know I'm stating to myself that I'm dreaming. This is odd, as my normal reality check while awake is "Am I dreaming" or "Is this a dream". Also oddly enough I had not done a reality check for a while in waking life because I had been sick; but I remembered it right then and there in the dream and perform my floating and levitation test. Normally I do it just by little gestures such as trying to float up somewhere and touch something that's just out of my reach, but since I was already thinking I was dreaming I did it a little more grand. I saw people in this outside clearing area and I decided I would run, jump and float over two people's heads and then land on the other side. The experiment was kind of shaky, but it did work. I took off, but didn't get very high, closed my eyes, said out loud that I wanted to float higher so I would not hit anyone and did manage that; but my landing was not quite where I wanted. Still it proved to me that indeed I was dreaming, as I can only do things like that when dreaming, never when awake. I then reminded myself to not get too exited, something I had read on this forum, as I had read that this can make the dreams shorter.

I was actually outside for a lucid dream, something I had hoped to achieve since I first started working on achieving lucidity. So I took it slow.

There was some kind of bridge or something in the dream scene. It was pretty big and made out of rock. Very pretty actually. What it covered I don't remember, but I know it was not water, so probably was the field/clearing outdoors where I was at. I do remember trying to get my floating/flying a bit up to speed. Was NOT too good at that though. Remember once bumping INTO the bridge - but not getting hurt. I was still saying things out loud to make them happen and this felt awkward and didn't really work all that well this time since I focusing on the float/fly at the same time. So I started just thinking what I wanted, and at times visualizing it while going along. This meant closing my eyes to make things change, which was also awkward and didn't help much either, as not all changes were those I wanted and my floating / flying left a lot left to be desired. It got really weird, as at one point there were FROGS on the bridge when I approached it, when I had expected nothing there, or perhaps flowers or plants there. So I closed my eyes, mid hover/float/fly and focused on green plants being there instead. The frogs went, but again I almost crashed just making that happen. So I figured, closing eyes not so good in lucid dreams if you are not firmly on the ground walking. Maybe it works for those who are actually good at flying yet, but for little bumbling me it didn't work well.

I messed around with the bridge and the floating for a tiny bit more and then tried to get better at manifesting things in dreams. Frogs just were not what I wanted to experience, so I wanted to practice stuff a bit better. Seemed to me
like the dream environment changes very easily on it's own, and things change there very quickly -- even randomly it seemed. Might have been the nyquil too though in retrospect.

Not sure how I got to the next part of the dream, but I was somewhere else with someone else, a girl. I worked on trying to make things happen in the dream scene. In this case it was having flowers be in different places and growing. This was
not as easy as it sounds since we were indoors this time. Again, I was using the whole closing eyes thing and it did not work at all, even with visualizing what I wanted to happen where. No flower. I know this time it was different than the food dream where I was walking around the corner to make something BE there when I got there. No I was just right there, not moving from place to place. I have a feeling the girl was trying to TEACH me and helping me figure it all out. No easy ways out this time, such as having doors or walking around to aid in my manifesting. There were only flower pots and dirt there; and a photo of the plant to be manifested as well as ones that the girl had manifested before me.

After experimentation, one of the things that did work very well was actually manipulating time in the dream realms to make things happen. I had seen enough time lapse videos online, so I used that to actually make the flowers grow and
prosper before my eyes. WITHOUT having to close my eyes or change positions this time. This was neat and I had no idea that that could be done. I did this a few times to get practice in it.

Then I wanted to try to get roses there, red roses. The other plants were already around or there were pictures of them around, so they were easier to manifest and bring into reality. All of them were yellow, and yellow/whitish and they looked nothing like roses. Roses were no where in sight; so it would be a lot harder. The pots that were there were too small, I needed something larger to make a rose bush that was blooming. Trying again first to close my eyes and visually create a pot for them to grow in was not working. So I tried to merely create a small bowl out of nothing, which did work. Then using my thoughts and the dream realm's laws of creating things to make it bigger just by wanting it to be bigger. This was very odd but interesting enough it did actually worked. No clue how though.

Sadly at this time the dream became odd and somewhat unstable. I may have gotten to exited at actually seeing all this cool stuff around me and actually making things appear out of thin air. Or maybe my logical mind made me analyze the impossibility of the situation too much. I started losing lucidity and control; but tried my best to hold on to it. The girl suddenly seemed much older, which I didn't notice when she changed over. She also turned the nice long flower pot I had managed to make into a canoe all of a sudden; saying we should use it to go somewhere. There were also two other people that she referred to which were nearby and around now too, that she named as those who should go with us. No clue how ANY of that happened; especially in less than 30 seconds while I was focusing on flower pots and roses and seeming like I had the hang of it.

Then the dream changed again. Not sure if I tried to change it or if it just did because of the weirdness and loss of control factor. I might have simply walked off. My dream recall also went offline at this time. I found myself walking going up stairs or something, probably trying to go outside again. I noticed something small being off where the dream tried to imitate reality but caught on it it and knew I was still dreaming. That awareness stuff does work. So I tried to ignore that and keep going; to continue being lucid. It would have worked, but instead I woke up. It turned out that all my medicine had worn off and I was coughing with a runny nose laying in bed awake.

In retrospect:

For one I have a feeling that I caught on to the initial shift, the sudden change of dream between the office building and the outside grassy area with the people on it and the bridge in the background. Together with my statement to myself that I wanted to have a lucid dream before falling to sleep got me into a successful lucid dream; even being sick and on medicine.

Sadly the medicine might have had an effect on things though, which might have sabotaged me there in the end and maybe even have had something to do with the frogs, and other sudden shifts in the dream scene. Since I have not had too many lucid dreams I have no idea if these shifts and oddities are normal or not. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was sick to begin with that caused problems, as the only reason I woke up was the fact that my throat was scratchy and I awoke to coughing.

Floating is getting a little better, than in my first two lucid dreams I had but only when I go about it slow and methodical. All in all I'm still VERY clumsy with it as a mode of transportation. Flying is even worse. Not sure if this is because of lack of practice, not knowing what I need to be doing to make it work, or if it's because I have a fear of heights and falling and don't like going anywhere in fast speeds in real life. I'd love to eventually ask some other dreamers about this if it's normal or if that's because of my fears in waking life.

Manifesting is getting much better, as long as I don't close my eyes when hovering and flying around. Using the time lapse technique helped a lot. More than I would have thought. Also learning that things can be created and changed before your eyes helps too, in a way this forced me to suspending the thought of impossibility in that matter. All in all it was odd that I thought of them out of the blue, because I never heard anyone mention these two techniques in the dream forums. I do know, learning to pay attention to subtle things is VERY helpful in lucid dreaming, so the techniques that make you pay attention to little things will be practiced much more by me over the next few weeks. I had an incredible amount of knowledge from my waking life, including knowing to stay calm, and that frogs on a bridge should not be there and a number of other things. This was not the case in my other two lucid dreams I had before; so I do think there is a degree of awareness that can be different from dream to dream. Control was a little harder though than in my first dream, but about as tricky as in my second one; but then again I was trying to make more things happen at once and they were a little harder than merely manifesting some food and eating it.

I have also no idea how long I was lucid, but it felt like a nice long dream; not as short as the other two I had. This one may have lasted five to ten minutes, maybe even longer. Making it through a shift in dream scene was pretty impressive too, as in the other ones I never made it through a shift. I either woke up or I shifted and lost lucidity. This was also the one I felt I was the most lucid, remembering even little details from real life and ending up having the most control in the dream scene what I wanted to do. Still not perfect though, there is still more room for improvement.

All in all I cannot believe that I actually created flowers. From scratch. THAT WAS WAY COOL. Though frog covered bridges.... well .... uhmm, no thanks. I'll blame that one on the yquil, which I'm quite sensitive to even hours after the fact. Can't wait to try more.

HayaH ---

PS: After reading more it seems I did a DEILD chaining method I did not even know existed. Way cool. Was also cool to find out that control is normally not easy for newbies and that I was not the only one walking around my dreams saying things I wanted to happen out loud before attempting them. I can tell I'm gonna have lots of fun with this once I get better at it.

Since I am still unable to recall my dreams, which I am now convinced is related to constant tiredness / headaches, I figured I'd do something else.
I remember there being a thread on DV about dream cartography and thought it would be a cool idea to try and remember the layout of Destiny and draw the schematics.

Destiny is a recurring story-arc in my non-lucid dreams: Click Me

I can recall most details surprisingly well, and it turned out quite alright.
I don't think I'd be able to do this for something like Haven though.

Anyways, here's the schematics:
- Fully pressurized / breathable sections are green
- Engineering components and unpressurized sections or sections without air recycling are red
- Fluid containers are blue
- FTL / Hyperdrive system is orange
- Deck-to-deck connections are pink
- Outer hull sections are grey


Habitation Deck: Link
Not shown are desks installed during ftl.
This is where the crew was most of the time.


Engineering Deck: Link
This is where I spent most of the time, either idling in the cockpit or doing maintenance on various components in the engineering section.


Payload Deck: Link
The lowering platform was never installed due to time pressure, and it wasn't clear what it should look like.
Ideally the entire payload bay ground should be able to be lowered.
The idea was to be able to lower big objects onto the ground after landing on other planets / moons, or deliver payloads into space.


Size compared to the NASA Space Shuttle: Link


Wingspan:
- Shuttle: 23.79m
- Destiny: 79.5m

Length:
- Shuttle: 37.24m
- Destiny: 64.5m

Gross Liftoff Weight:
- Shuttle: ~109t
- Destiny: ~470t (no payload)

I kinda feel like making a 3d model of destiny now, but I haven't modeled in quite some time and I'm not sure I'd be able to.

Some more Katie fragments, and some mom fragments.

Side Notes: I didn't sleep well last night, so my recall is spotty at best. I think the reason I'm dreamign about Katie so much lately is because I'm constantly paranoid about her throwing me under the bus. She does that, especially if she gets in trouble for something. The first, and only thing she knows how to do when she gets yelled at, is to reach into her mind for the first person she can blow the whistle on, regardless if what she says is true or not. Rather than own up to her own mistakes, she tries to dilute the guilt by incriminating others. WHAT A SWELL GAL!!!

The dreams about my mother lately are all arguments. We almost never bicker about crap, and the dream arguments usually lead to lucidity. I'm guessing this is my subconscious being desperate to get lucid again. /therapy

Fire
and Water
and Wind
and Earth
Death and Destruction;
Life and Birth;

Hand in hand in hand these all go.
Only one will kill my Foe.
Two will kill my friends galore.
Three kills me forevermore.

Brightest dark of darkest days,
Protection from the harmful space,
Betwixt the covers, another place.

Eyes are closed,
Thoughts are gone.
Everything,
Nothing.
All are one,
In the land of never sun.

Forever free
to always be
anything I can see.
A friend,
a ghost,
Of whom I like most
Appears before me.

"Come, lets fly!" s/he says to me.
Snags my hand, set's me free.

In the meadow,
stands two people,
waiting on one other.

We land lightly,
Ever slightly,
In the shadows.

"I'll go now." says the ghost.
of the one I like most.

Sadly s/he flies away,
Having nothing more to say,
I wave goodbye, trot on out
preparing for the coming bout

The two in the meadow.
There now stands another fellow,
Words are changing; rearranging.

Forming now, a group of friends,
Together 'till the very end.

'twixt this land of sheets and meadows.
ghosts of friends; friendly fellows.
alas, times up, we wave goodbye.

to share our thoughts in another time.
another place in a different space,
one more last friendly face clouds my face
before I'm completely wide awake.

It's once more the ghost
of one of whom I like most,
Grabs my hand, and makes a plan.
tonight again,
Same time
Same place,

As I'm thrown back to the space,
rushed along at a breakneck pace.
I smile.

I grab the hand,
from that ghost,
the one that I
like the most.

I reach in fast, before I'm gone,
to the land of the rising sun.

One quick kiss before I'm done,
a tear escapes.
I am gone.

Betwixt the sheets, I awake.
Force myself to a sitting state.

Grab a pen,
A paper too.
I have an entry I must do,
Quickly now, 'for it's erased.

In that ever harmful place.







I dunno where the Idea to type up this thing came from, but it reminded me of last night, of which I remember very little about. I hadn't tried to LD last night, but maybe I did.

Dream One: I'm staying with an older couple, like they've taken me under their wing when I was in a tight spot or something. I'm going out for the day, so I've just left the house and am walking down the street. I come to a stop sign and three guys in their early twenties step around the corner and start acting like they're going to hit me. One pushes me back and another one steps behind me so I fall back into him. He pushes me forwards again and I lose my balance and hit the ground. Just then a hooded figure comes up from behind the second guy, picks him up and throws him into the other two. They fall over, and then scramble to their feet and run away. I look up to see Altair (of course I did, doesn't everyone dream of that game after playing it? lol) has rescued me. He thrusts out his hand and I take it and let him pull me to my feet. I'm sure there was some sort of conversation here, but since its the first dream of the night I can't much remember it. I just remember wanting to see what was under his hood (So far in the game, I've yet to get a good look at his face, and its driving me nuts, ha ha) He lowers his hood, and he looks like Caspian (Ben Barnes) from the second Narnia Movie. I take him back to the house with the old couple, and they agree to let him stay there because apparently he has no where else to stay while he's in town. I decide that I need to go buy some protective jewelry like this is some sort of real life RPG. I remember being in the store and buying a random pack, then I remember sitting on my bed in this old couples house dumping the contents of my bag in a box to craft my protective jewelry. I notice the room is a very bare room, with grey walls, black linoleum floor, my twin sized bed against the right wall and another bed against the left wall. There's a night stand with a lamp on it between the two beds against the far wall, so you can't reach it from laying in either. When I dump my pouch into the box, all the beads and pendants that fall out are Hello Kitty. I laugh to myself and think I'll feel so tough wearing this :/ but that my daughter would love it. I start to string the pendants and beads onto some wire, and Altair/Caspian walks in and sits down on the bed on the other wall. This establishes to me in the dream that the other bed is his. He's cleaning a blade or something, then my memory skips to being outside. There's snow on the ground, and there's a black Dog that looks like a Husky with me. He has a green eye and a blue eye, and in my dream I think he either is Caspian/Altair or has some sort of strong connection to him. We're playing in the snow, tug of war with a stick, the dog chasing me and knocking me playfully to the ground to lick my face, then making a snow angel while the dog wags it's tail and makes a "tail angel". Then I remember something I needed from inside, and we stop playing to go inside and get it. When I walk into our room, I notice there are all kinds of things tucked under Altair/Caspian's mattress, so much it's poking out all around the bed. I laugh to myself that the things aren't hidden well and as an assassin he should do better! I reach under my own mattress and pull out a substitute Soul Reaper combat pass. I tuck it into my pocket then start walking out of the house. The dog follows me, but when I get down the road a ways, it's no longer there, instead the guy from the "present day" part of assassins creed is following me. (If they've mentioned his name in the game already, I didn't hear it over my loud kids) The road gets rougher and rougher the farther I walk, until it looks like something out of an apocalypse movie. I notice steam coming from a crater in the road, and rush over to it. Inside the crater is water in a huge golden basin, and I immediately recognize it as a "goddess Spring" (from Kid Icarus) The guy behind me is asking me what I'm talking about, and I tell him that the spring will heal us and I climb in fully clothed. From my seat in the spring, I can see a ruined city and wonder if we we will strong enough to stop whatever caused this destruction. This is about the last point I can remember of this dream. Not sure if I woke up then or just forgot the rest. I woke from this dream around 3 am.

Dream Two: I'm at my dead Grandfather's house. There are a lot of other people there whom I don't recognize from real life but my dream self recognized them as "the forum" which forum, I don't know! I lurk on 5 different ones on a daily basis, lol. I'm behind the shed, and I walk out from behind it and I see all kinds of large rectangular things laying on the ground. I recognize these as threads, and start wandering around to read them. I come across one in front of Grandpa's Shop that's titled "How big is your Dragon?" and I see lots of pictures of dragons, but then I also see people are treating it like a big penis joke and everyone's trying to one up each others "dragon" and that the dragons actually look like the Chinese style dragons with long snake like bodies, not European dragons with big round bodies. A man comes up to me and I'm laughing at this thread, so he reads over my shoulder. He tells me he's a mod, and had forgotten all about this thread, he was glad he had noticed someone looking at it so he could reminisce. Then he asks me how many pages the thread was now, and we start to check. We are astounded to find the thread is now 140 pages long. He laughs and says that the thread was a lot more active than he thought! Then he picks it up and starts shaking it like a rug. He tells me he has to keep the forums clean. Then I wake up and it's around 5:30, lol.

Dream Three: My daughter wakes up and wants to go into the living room. I'm still sleepy, so I get up with her to see if Grandma is in the living room. If she is, I plan to let my daughter watch TV in the living room with her and just go back to bed. When I get in the living room, the neighbors daughter is in the living room, as are two other little girls probably around 6 or 7.My grandma says she's babysitting them (my grandma hates those kids, so in hind sight that should have really made me lucid -_-) I accept this, and just tell my daughter to be good for Grandma and go back to bed. I think I woke up around 7:30 with this one.

Dream Four: I'm at a radio Station. There's a really nice DJ, and a really snobby jerk. The nice DJ has long frizzy black hair and a thin sunken face, he's not attractive physically, but his personality more than makes up for it and I find him attractive. The jerk looks like Jonah Hill, lol. The jerk is making some sort of bull shit rules that aren't fair, though I can't remember what they are off the top of my head. Apparently he can get away with it because he's the son of the radio station owner. Everyone is upset, and he's laughing about his total power over the place. I run off and find the nice dj. I'm crying, and he asks what's wrong. I tell him what a jerk the other guy is being, and ask him to do something about it because he has a lot of sway with the station. He doesn't really want to, but another guy walks up then and tells him He'll give him some Peanut Butter and Jelly cookies if he'll help the station out. The guy seems to really like the peanut butter and jelly cookies (and in the dream they're shaped like peanuts and have jelly sandwiched between two of them) because he is swayed by these cookies. We walk back into the room with the jerk DJ, and the nice DJ starts giving a speech about letting shit slide, and how you can't be so strict. Then, he surprises everyone by admitting that he is also the son of the radio station owner and that if his brother doesn't lay off, he will talk to their father and get the whole mess straightened out. Everyone cheers, then people start talking about nice things the radio station can do to help people. One woman stands up, and starts talking about winning a fight against breast cancer, but losing a breast in the process. She asks if the radio station can help her raise the money to buy a prosthesis. The Nice DJ tells her that he makes props and costume pieces for Cosplay, and could easily make her a realistic boob if she'd like. She starts crying tears of happiness, and I wake up and it's about 9.

Dream Five: My husband and I are in a used book store of some sort. There's a table with a lot of older books on it. I see a couple of smaller books on a shelf beside it that are old Sailor Moon merch. One's an art book, the other is some sort of cards set with the sailor scouts as the king/queen/jack/aces/joker. We ask the lady behind the table how much the books are, and she says $90 for the ones on the table. I'm disheartened, but my husband tells her we were asking about the books on the shelf beside the table, and she says those are only between $4-$6. I'm really happy they're so cheap, and my husband buys me both Sailor Moon books. We spend the rest of the dream pouring over them and talking about watching Sailor moon as kids and explaining to the Book seller who Sailor Moon is. Wake up from this one about 10:15.

I decided to include the times I woke up from these as a reference so I can look back and see if there's a pattern to my dream content and when the best time for me to dream is. It also gives a pretty good idea of my sleep pattern. Last night I went to sleep about 1:00 am

Dream Non-dream

There is a good chance none of this will interest you. If you wish for an adventure or some sort of tale of grandeur, then this won't tickle your fancy.

First part I was in a school. I wasn't sure what happened but I was in my high school and I saw a couple of kids get into trouble, I had a feeling of dread, they were getting lots of people in trouble. I walked to the front and saw the school cop talking to my friend. He looked me directly in the eye. Shit. I had cigarettes on me, and bud? Maybe. I just had to leave (my house is within walking distance of my HS, so I ended up leaving during passing period without discipline many many times). I walked towards my normal ditching spot, when I saw Alex come up to me. He was in my Health class 3 years ago, I haven't talked to him since (and even then not much). He asked if I knew what was going on. I said no. He said "Well would you wanna ditch with me?" Funny, I told him, he could ditch with me if he pleased, I just had to leave before I got in legal trouble.

Suddenly a picture arose in my minds eye. They blocked my ditching spot. I don't know why, I don't know how I knew, but it was indubitable. "Shit!" I exclaimed. "Come with me, were going through the courtyard." There was a courtyard in the middle that cut through the school, it was the quickest way to get from front to back. I checked my back really quick, the school cop was tailing me. Why were they interested in me? What did I do to stick out. I walked briskly through the courtyard. A teacher grabbed Alex. It would be pointless to grab him, he would get in trouble for trying to ditch, but he didn't carry anything illegal on him. Besides, he must have had some heat on him for the teacher to grab him instead of me... Although he was smaller. I opened the door farthest from the front. This door opens to the freshman hallway. There are never deans there, and despite it being the "freshman" hallway, enough upperclassmen were there to cover me from eyesight. Not to mention the hallways were short with quick turns. I lost the school cop and went out of the door running to my house.

I memory lapsed. I was on my way back to school. None of the preceding part was remembered, I only thought that my teachers would be disappointed that I had finished no work. I went the long way around school and I got onto the campus when I realized that I had a doral cigarette in my ear. Good thing I didn't go into school XD. I checked my phone to see if I had time to smoke it, or if I had to ditch it. It was 6:58. School didn't start till 7:20, I had time without a doubt. I smoked it and walked around the school (staying off campus grounds, that would be illegal).

I memory lapsed again. I was talking to my mom. I asked if I could go to Misha's house (my neighbor). She said it was fine, I walked over and he wasn't home. I asked his little brother where he was, and he said he was with my brother in X's house (I don't think X was a real neighbor of mine). I walked over to X's house to see if Misha and X wanted to go somewhere. When I got inside I saw X on his computer, and he said that Misha was upstairs. On my way up I saw four little black brothers talking. I heard Natasha ask what I was doing (by my name, she didn't know I was around the corner). The brothers all said I was drinking over around the corner. I said I wasn't drinking, but I felt stupid because I'd figured they'd assume my actions were out of drunken stupor, instead of just regular stupor. I walked over and around the corner, I saw Natasha and then she disappeared. Behind her, a blender appeared. Assuming she'd turned into a blender, I asked the blender for a hug. I looked around to see Natasha, somehow just to my left. I gave her a hug, I haven't seen her in over a week. Not a single thought of her adultery went through my mind. I was genuinely happy to see her. I turned around.

My mom had just walked in and "cracked down on the party." She heard the kids saying I was drunk, asked why I wasn't at Misha's. I explained that I had just gotten there a moment ago and she laughed and said nice try, I was going to be grounded.

I woke up with 2 thoughts. The first that my mom is giving herself unnecessary stress with her recent worries about me. She believes I am a ne'er do well because of a recent misunderstanding. This upset me. But not as much as the second thought, which was that despite Natasha's actions, I hadn't a single aversion to her in the dream. I wonder how much I care of her adultery. I wonder how much more or less others would care. To me it felt like an unfortunate show of character, a reason provided to never stay with her, although a reason never once hoped for.

I had a dream about my teacher again. I don't know why he's stuck in my head. I suppose he is kind of cute.

Anyway, in this dream we had just gotten out of class and as I was leaving he took me aside and started kissing my neck and stuff. Of course, it was very enjoyable, but it felt like it had been going on for a little bit. Like this wasn't the first time. I kept telling him he needed to be careful because we could both get into a lot of trouble, not to mention, he could lose his job.

He really didn't seem to care and kept touching me. Ahhh... thinking about it now... sorta gives me butterflies. I need to stop thinking about how cute my teacher is. If he keeps getting into my dreams I'm afraid it's going to be really weird in class for me the next couple of months.

lol I feel so badddd. I suppose every married woman has a fantasy, right? It's just a matter of not actually trying to make it happen. That would end up very embarrassing, I'm sure. Luckily, I'm not in highschool anymore and I know it's just my own imagination. I don't think this is a bad thing, since I know better than to believe it to come true.

Needless to say, it was a nice dream. I do feel a bit guilty, but hey, I wasn't lucid.... >.> right?

I fell asleep at 4am and dreamed about The Sims and one of my professors. (I'd seen this professor the other day around town and said hi, remembering that spring break is over and I go back tomorrow ). So I had gone back to class and he was trying this new thing. He wanted us to play The Sims and create ourselves or something. A starter house.

I remember thinking, really? I've been playing this game for 12 years and you want us to play the original version. (I really have been playing that long, I just counted it up and Wow, I'm a loser. lol) Anyway, in the dream I was all big-headed and knew I would be the best player there. lol. I realize how silly that sounds, but I was really excited to show my "simmin'" skills.

So I play for a little bit and remember thinking how weird the first game was since I've been playing the third for so long now. So simple and I really might as well go make myself a paper doll house and put on a pretty pink school girl dress.

So I'm sitting at this computer for a while and I'm looking around at other people playing the game. Their screens look different than mine and not in any physical way in how they appeared, but they seemed different, brighter and more new than mine. Still, not in appearance, I guess in my head.

I don't know, dreams are so weird.

Anyway, a few people start getting up and leaving and my professor is telling them goodbye, see ya thursday. I get up and say, wow, is it time to leave already? I start grabbing my things and realize that a few students had stayed and were sitting in a circular group on the floor in the middle of the room. My professor was with them and they had looked at me when I spoke. I saw that the clock on the wall read 5:42, but it wasn't a digital clock or anything so it looked a lot bigger than usual and it's a fuzzy picture, but hey, I knew the time. I realized we still had another 45 minutes of class left.

I asked him if we could go and he said yea, that's fine. I turn to leave but I notice the look on my professor's face. His eyes are bright and he's smiling at me. I stop and say, well, I guess I can hang out with you guys for a bit. I go to join the group and wake up at 6am with my son in his bed, ready to eat some breakfast.

I was actually enjoying the dream. So I was little upset to wake up from it. I really don't know why, it wasn't anything spectacular. Sometimes good dreams don't even seem all that great when you're in them, but when you wake up, you realize you were having a good time.

I need to quit playing The Sims, but they do have an interesting way of working into your dreams. When I was 12 or so my aunt had the game at her house and we didn't have a computer. I'd stay with her for a week or so every now and then and I remember getting really hooked on that game. She'd let me stay up all night and play it.

When I had gone home the next few weeks I kept having dreams about playing. I remember even at 12 that playing in the dream was a lot more fun than in real life. I knew I could do so much more with it in my dream. Interestingly enough, that's around the same time I had my first lucid dream.

When I recall the dreams I had about The Sims back then, I think I might've been lucid in a few of those. Of course, definitely not realizing what it was or how important it would be to me later on in life.