side notes

Decided to try to do it during an afternoon nap. Got really relaxed, body started to sink, even got some color flashing on my eyelids. Then my asshole neighbor cranked the base in his BMW and woke me up. Opened the window, yelled at him, tried again. I became relaxed but couldn't get any further. I just gave up and went to type this. Its good to vent

A couple of weeks ago, I had a very vivid dream that ended with me attaining lucidity.
I knew this because I was already familiair with the concept but I never felt the need to look into it, untill this personal experience.

So exactly one week ago, I joined the Dream Views community and started my journey into the realms of the dreamworld.

Objective week 01, enhance dream recall.
With confidence and determination I suprised even myself with recalling no less than 3 dreams every single night since the night I started.
The first nights were based on my everyday life, as if my mind was just putting my everyday experiences into place. But, slowly, my mind was getting familiar with my intentions and so the last couple of nights it threw some random mystical ones. Hoping my mind would make the connection I tried to feel as happy about it as I could so it would now my intentions.

Objective week 02, keep it up.
I plan on keeping up with my pen/paper DJ and share the more interesting dreams here also.
As soon as confidence is high enough I will do some first attempts of really attaining lucidity.

If you have any advice on how to continue please do comment on my journal or sent a message.

Goodnight,
Booney

I've been searching the internet for information on Silver Entities in the void. The most meaningful that I came across had to do with two things:

1. The void is nothingness and within the emptiness there is creation. Because when we have nothing, we can begin to fill the void with something. (paraphrased and not very eloquently, but I hope you get the gist.)

2. Light is made up of many colors. And when God created light he created all that is. From that light, the angels were also created. Twin angels Scaphariel and Seraphiel. Both are male. Scaphariel is Golden. Seraphiel is Silver. One represents the male archetype and the other the female. Twin forms of light. Gold holds the space for creations while silver enlivens and activates what is created. Together they are known as the Source Rays.

My silver man, was just that, male. I am female. He was silver and I was gold. We did ... erm...'unite' so to speak at one point. If I take the void to mean a place of creation and the silver man was aiding me, perhaps he was helping me to create? Just as yin and yang is needed in all of life - so is male and female to keep a balance. Am I just grasping at straws here or does that seem somewhat logical? I am an artist and author. I also was working/experimenting with healing energies.

Thoughts?

April 15, 2012
-------------------

I did not meditate and this is my first mistake, I think. I wrote my affirmation: I EASILY remember my dreams and record the when I wake in the morning.

Yeah....but I remembered NOTHING in the morning although throughout the night I would wake know that I was dreaming, remember what it was in bits and pieces, then FALL RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP! I know better than to do that.

Yesterday, however, I was exhausted all day. I was stressed out and when that happens, perhaps it's just better to sleep through the night and hope try for a better result tomorrow.

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream character talking
Green means notes

Got it? Great. Enjoy, and feel free to grab a bite to eat as you read.

Dream #1 Where is the love?

Im in a very huge house (looked like a mansion) in a bedroom with this girl who looks like Meagan Good. Im putting my pants on sitting on the side of the bed while she is yelling away at me. YOU NEVER SPEND TIME WITH ME ANYMORE!!! EVERYSINCE THAT DAMN GIRL SHOWED UP, YOU HAVE BEEN OFF TO ONE OF YOUR STUPID LITTLE MISSIONS!

Uh-huh..(putting my watch on) You make me so damn sick at times, whoo sometimes you make me just wanna PUNCH YOU!!! (She punches me in the arm) LISTEN BOO CHILL ALRIGHT!? Damn i told you im making progress here with this mission yo. Jeez relax. (Her arms are folding with the covers on her) She takes her foot and kicks me off the bed, while im bending over putting my shoes on. I hope she dies. What? (She rolls her eyes pouting her lips) What did you say? Cause..she keeps taking you away from me! Look...im sorry i keep running off like this, but i gotta make sure this gets done babe ok? Why does she have to be a female though? Like i said, she's the best at what she does. Here i want you to have somethning. ( i reach in my pocket to grab my totem) Here ( i place it in her hand. But babe, this Gem means alot to you, your mom gave it to you years ago to protect you. I know, i want you to hold on to it as a reminder that if i don't return, you'll have something to remember me by. (She tears up) Babe, don't say that! Look wanna see something? What? where are we goin? (Shes's in a red bra and red panties barefoot as im pulling her by the arm off the bed) You see the sun? (we are outside on the balcony staring at the sunset) Yes. You see that house? Yes. I built that house with my own two freakin hands. You see that car? Yes. (I think it was a dark blue cutless) Thats your car. Everything in this world is yours you know why? Why?

Because im God in this world baby, thats why (i put my arm around her as we stare into the sunset) dream fades.

Dream #2 Trigger happy.

Im in a shootout with some thugs, in some warehouse Natalia is there with me. Here take this extra clip. She's running ducking under tables and hiding behind scrap metal.
(Bullets ricochet off of the walls and scrap metal) I got something fo yall, I get up from behind the scrap metal and my Adrenaline is rushing thru my veins. Everything is going in slow motion, (like the movie the matrix) im walking past bullets taking these guys out like nothing like im shooting fish in a barrel. (Explosions and intensity fills the room) LETS GO, LETS GO!!!!! YES, YOU ARE AN ANIMAL! TAKE THEM OUT!!! (She sounds a bit turned on by all this) Ok, so this is obviously target practice BRING OUT YOUR BOSS! (All of a sudden this big Ving Rhames lookin cat shows up crackin his knuckles) Lets kick this thing up a notch chief. Lets say we do this shit ol school no guns and rumble it out? lest you scared to get cho ass whupped in front of that beautiful italian honey you got rooting you on hm?

(I throw the gun down) (Natalia talking ) Fuck is the matter with you!? SHOOT HIM!!
No, im gonna beat him at his own game.

Dream #3 Gold is the final level.


(This fight i had with Ving Rhames was one of the most intense fights i ever had in a dream) He was basically beating the hell outta me at first. But eventually, I ended up Glowing gold when the odds were stacked against me. He looks at me as im layed out on the floor. (Ving Rhames talking) I knew you was weak, you a charmer for the women man. you ain't no damn fighter! if you was my cellmate back then, mm i would've made good use outta your cute ass. (I get up wiping the blood away from my mouth) You sure do talk alot, im not done YET!!! LOL. You got heart chief, i give you that much. But i gots things to do and you holding me up. (He picks me up by my neck with one hand choking me) ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! (Im trying to wriggle free but his grip is to strong) (I feel everything almost getting darker hang it up you did good Q you did good) I hear a gunshot. (I wake up) Uuggh. (I feel the dream fading i yell) This.....is....not....THE END!!!!!!!!! (Power is surging thru me the dream snaps back in focus)

Final dream IM A BOSS, OF ALL BOSSES!!!

(Natalia talking) I shot him in his arm to buy you time now pick up that gun AND SHOOT HIM!!! NO NATALIA!!! His ass is MINE!!! (Im in a stance like a Chi master warming up looking at the palms of my hands and feeling sparks of gold energy building up) Im feeling the earth vibrate, glass shatters, the walls crack my shirt tears off of me, my hair is draped across my shoulders a shimmering sparkling gold colour. Im filled with rage I run straight at him and take my right fist and jam it straight thru his stomach. (He vomits blood) I hurl him straight thru the building. (It is nighttime and we are near a cliff) he is crawling moaning trying to get up. Im walking towards him and stomp on his back as he lays on his stomach. Turn over and look at me. (I take my foot off and stand over him staring at his battered bloody face) The moon is full, it illuminates off of me. The water sounds calm, im calm. Im a boss of all bosses, never forget that. I decides who dies and lives YOU GOT THAT!?!?!? (He nods and catches his last breath he is dead) I stare up at the moon, the moon calms me. Wait min where is Natalia? (I run back in the ruined warehouse) Natalia!? Natalia!? Im over here. (Shes in another room located at the back of the warehouse. You Ok? Yea im Ok. You sure gave me one hell of a surprise. Yea. Sometimes i surprise myself. (We both laugh) The dream comes to a end and i wake up.

(Notes) This was one of the most intense lucids i have ever had! when it came down to it, I just made sure to remember that it was all a dream, and its not real no matter how painful the fight was. LOL! I shoul note that i did WBTB at 5:30 am, and went to do some subconscious training for about 20 mins. I woke from that dream at 8:24. And could not recall a single dream after that. Oh well, i was pleased with my results.

As I've transferred these from my physical dream journal to this online one, I've noticed I have several objects that have appeared in my more vivid dreams.

Tables - usually metallic or gurney like
Gray or metallic rooms
Chairs
Dim lighting

In all three: Golden Dream, UFO dream, and Mel Gibson Saved Me, as well as the Pelican Dream & School, these have these elements.

When I enter the astral world (?) in Becoming Golden, I am in a dimly lit grayish room with three metallic tables. When I wake in my Mel Gibson dream, I wake upon a table. In the UFO dream, while there are no tables, the room itself is metallic. The man I met in the 'void' is also a silver, metallic form.

Chairs and gurneys are in the School/Pelican dream. Chairs are also in the UFO dream.

Any ideas on symbolism or the connections? :erm:

Dream #1 Checking my email with a damn parrot on my shoulder


Im my current house on the computer in my den logging into dreamviews. On my shoulder is a parrot who keeps yapping away about my email message or something.


Dream #2 A message from sinoblak


Im emailing sinoblak something, (possibly about this parrot) And i think i mention something to her about, the parrot speaks 5 different languages.


Dream #3 Subconscious Training

Im in my room wearing my dark blue long sleeve casual shirt, my black dress pants with my black stacy adams, and my glasses on. My hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and i believe i was looking in the mirror doin some subconscious training.

Final dream #4 Where are my keys?

Im looking all around the house for my keys and can't seem to find them.

Notes: I am very dissapointed with myself and my recall here. This is not like me. Well i was up all night online, so can't say i did'nt see this one coming! LOL. Guess i need to start heading to bed earlier then.

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream characters talking
Purple means possible shared dream person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! for those who read my entries...you know the drill.

Dream #1 You got mail

Im in some room connected online (possibly dreamviews) with Kaomea. We are having a conversation about astral travels and possibly sharing a dream one day. We were now on a cel phone talking to eachother, we were talking about Hawaii and i was telling her that i use to live in California with my ex and decided the relationship was not working anymore so we parted ways. I mentioned that i moved back to Michigan and that i miss being back home.

Dream #2 Party at some random location

I walk into a house filled with a bunch of people The house was huge and had a big swimming pool in the back. This one young lady walked up to me and started having a conversation with me. She looked a bit like T-Boz from the 90's R&B group TLC. We were both seated on this long couch and she sat next to me and with her legs crossed flirting with me. I take my hand and gently caress her thigh area. I remember telling her she looks good, and the conversation from there was mostly about how she was feeling me.

Dream #3 Let me take care of them

Im walking with someone (who looks like Kaomea) we climb down some underground tunnel. We were squeezing thru narrow spaces and trying to get thru this labyrinth tunnel with all these narrow spaces ducking uder leaking pipes. I believe that she is Kaomea, her energy felt warm. i reach in my pocket to grab my hawk coin totem. Where are we goin? I want to introduce you to some people. Oh ok. How far do we have to go? Mmm it should'nt take long. lol why you tired already? Na, just wondering. We were walking thru a flood of water when all of a sudden..i sensed some energy, Bad energy. Wait ssh, What? Listen...you hear it? Sounds like flies. All of a sudden..i look back and notice these demonic looking Gargoyle looking creatures flying straight towards us. I started glowing gold and began feeling and immense amount of power surging thru me. I launch gold projectile beams and green and purple flickers of fireballs at them. meanwhile the Kaomea look alike is surrounding her self with a huge white barrier. I think she was shielding herself and i told her to let me take care of them. Im running thru them tackling them and bashing them with super human strength. I take them all out and feel drained. The Kaomea look alike, takes her hands and place them a few inches away from my body. What is that. Im rejuvenating your health. Oh, thank you. Mmmhmm.

Dream #4 Dreamers hangout

Im now at some underground hideout, where there are a bunch of dreamers socializing and hanging out. I remember seeing a basketball court, a workout room, a sparring room, and a classroom for kids, teenagers, adults, ect ect. I see tracy morgan telling jokes to some girls in this gym, and Gary busey was eating tuna fish sandwich. I remember he was talking and kept chewing with his mouth open, and i kept giving him the elbow telling him to talk the othe directions. I remember him pointing his finger at me, i grabbed it and bent it backwards and said to CHILL MAN ALRIGHT!? Shit... Alright alright, sorry. Don't bite my head off. I remember seeing this guy who was (i believe he was Oneironaut zero) showing some asian dude some new abilities with shooting projectile beams out his hands and some other cool stuff. I overhear some people saying that Wakingnomad is waiting for us he does'nt have all day. There was this one dude who could create wind just by blowing, a girl who can create ice with her hands, a little boy who can clone himself, and a guy who can stretch his arms long distances. I remember the Kaomea look alike was upset about something and she decided to leave. I asked her what was wrong, and she mentioned something about how she did not feel like doin something. (i forgot what is was she said) I told her that i appreciated her healing me, and that i hope we can meet up again soon. she nodded her head and said, mkay, that sounds good to me. Great i'll see you around, take care of yourself ok? K, you too! I watch as she walks down this long hallway tunnel, feeling the dream fading i wake up.

Notes: Im unsure if i shared a dream with Kaomea. But whoever she was, she had a energy that felt familar to me. Hmm...interesting. but the setting of this underground hangout had a bunch of active dreamers there. and i heard a bunch of DV members names being shouted left and right. Overall im happy with the results, and i enjoyed the stting of this dream.

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Red means dream characters
Blue means lucid
Purple means possible shared dream person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! now as always, sit back relax, kick off your shoes, grab a snack or something and enjoy dreams!

Dream #1 The Vanessa Hudgens experiment part 1 (Rated PG 13)

Im in my old 2nd home watching something on t.v, when i hear a woman in the bathroom singing??? i ignore it and decide to fall asleep on the couch. I now awaken in a abandoned old shack, dusty old furniture and mices and rats crawling all over the place. I get up dust myself off, and head outside where it is night time, to notice this black bald headed dude (who looks like R.kelly) having sex with some woman against a car. I decide to not become a peeping tom, well because that would just be considered weird. I now walk to a apartment complex where there are two mexican men talking about something i forget what it was.

Dream #2 The Vanessa Hudgens experiment part 2 ( Rated PG 13)

Im now in a backyard it is sunny out and there is a party or something. there is a different mixture of people and everbody is having a good time. I reach in my pocket to grab my hawk coin totem and reality check with it, wait a min...how did i end up here??? Fully aware and lucid im walking around looking for dreamman9380. I grab my celphone and call him, great no answer. I over two guys talking about they hid something in a room, my curiousity grew and i walked closer to the guys they were two hispanic males sitting on a apartment balcony. They both looked at me and i walked a different direction pretending to head somewhere else but i stayed nearby. These guys seem suspicious and i sensed that they had something to do with my friend dreamman9380. I decided to take measures into my own hands, I overheard Vanessa Hudgens voice somewhere and teleported there immediately. She was in a recording studio singing. I looked at her and said let us become one and the same..(that last quote echoed) and my energy emerged with hers. I was now projected as Vanessa Hudgens.


I felt the dream fading and rubbed my hands together and looked at my surroundings focusing on all the little things around me. I was wearing some black heels a black dress and my hair was down straight. Still projected as her i decided to teleport back to that previous location seduce one of the guys into that room where something was hidden. I walked up to them twirling my hair chewing some gum, and said...you fellas in for a little fun? they looked at eachother and nodded. We now enter the inside of the house and i notice there is door with a lock on it. The men look at me and say.. there ain't nothing in there for you sweetheart. Well can you show me whats in there??? exposing a little skin i got his attention. Ok but just a peep thats it. Wow...what do you keep in here? A little bit of everything mostly guns he whispers. Ooh, can you show me where you keep them?
Uhhh, i don't think thats a good idea, pleeeease? I notice his partner heading towards a bathroom and shuts the door. Ok ok, but im just gonna let you see it thats all. He reachesin this drawer and pulls out a variety of different toys. This gun here is called a 9MM this gun is called a revolver, and this one is called..do you have any silencers? Uhh yea yea i got one right here. Can i see how it feels? Now i can't let you hold it sweetheart because its loaded, and well..Turn the safety on. He gives me a look like he is almost afraid to do it, Your not afraid of litte ol me now are you? walking closer to him leaning up against him. He presses his lips together and makes his final decision. Alright, but no funny shit! He puts the safety on. I hold the silencer in my hands, wow...this feels really good. You know, you look really sexy with that gun in your hands you know that? I strike poses for him. I point it at him POW! I pretend to shoot him. He jumps, and i giggle. Ok real funny k give it back now. Aww you afraid im gonna shoot you? i turn the safety off. Where is it? Where is what i i i don't know what your talking about? The file, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FILE!? In there! He points to a nearby dresser i walk sideways still aiming the gun in his direction. I dig thru the files looking up at him in here? Mmhmm. Come over here and get it. (He looks down afraid to look at me) I SAID GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND COME GET IT!!! Ok ok ok! And hurry up, i don't have all day!

Here its all there. I grab it then hear the bathroom door opening. This better be it! I look at it and see my friends name on it. Yep thats him alright. I run out the back door and immediately start running down the fire escape. there are a bunch of spiral stairs and some intense action music is playing ih the background. I hear the men yelling and run down a nearby alley, I stop and take off the heels as they are hurting my feet. i leave them by a green dumpster and continue running until i notice my friend dreamman9380!
Hey over here i yell! he stops and turns around walks up to me, we are on a sidewalk somewhere. Whoa wait a min..your Vanessa Hudgens right??? I give him a confused look forgetting im still projected as her. Hang on....(i project back as my normal self) Whoa...Q??? How the hell you just do that? I hand him his file, i can't exlain right now. I make a portal, head somewhere safe and lock that up ok? I don't understand? I can't explain just GO!! (i push him thru the portal) I dive thru with him as we end up at some building.

Where are we? I don't know, but you better hide that file somewhere. Thanks Q. No problem man, you just make sure you put that file up somewhere A.S.A.P. Ok, i will. I nod my head and get a good look at everything around me. the dream fades, and i wake up

My friend Dreamman9380 had problems remembering his dreams over the past few years. During 2011, I made a promise to him that i will do my best to help him remember his dreams more. I often share dreams with him and a few others, but this was the 1st time i helped him recover from a long dry spell. What was in that file? To this day im still wondering myself, and perhaps it holds the key, to him remembering his dreams.

Meditation to Prime my Mind in order to Lucid Dream....

I used Between Worlds hemi-sync CD.
I sit in the same chair with my feet on the floor. I like to be touching the 'earth' or ground as I meditate.
Hands, palms up, thumbs touching middle finger in order to keep my body connected.

I begin as usual by focusing on the blackness behind my eyes [side note: Recently read CosmicIron's SILD method and it is very similar to the way I meditate.]. I watch the flashing colors as I go into a light trance. I also focus on the music. As I go into a light trance, I lose sense of my body as it becomes very heavy - just like you do before you fall asleep. If I go too far under, my body snaps awake. So, I have to try and hold this in between state of consciousness - not too far that I fall asleep but not too awake that I can't focus.

Today, I got into a light trance surprisingly fast. I didn't expect to go under until a certain point in the music.

The most memorable part - two parts actually - were when my centers just started pulsing. For some reason, I was elated. I thought I'd shut them down. I haven't done this in so long - I thought I'd completely cut myself off. So, to feel them pulse again, it's ... I'm thankful. As my centers pulsed I got this burst from my heart center and then this all over rush. It was like ... :hmm: when you get excited or surprised and you get an adrenalin rush, maybe? It was not orgasmic. It didn't start at my root/base chakra. It came from my heart center and enveloped me. I know for so many this just sounds like rubbish...because I was there once too.

The other memorable part was as this buzzing/adrenalin rush continued to buzz all over my body I felt both my forehead/brow chakra and the crown chakra all beat/pulse. It was not harsh but this consistent beating that just kept an overall buzz in my body - almost like when your limb falls asleep but then finally wakes up and you get this tingling? That's the sensation that occurred throughout my body. As this happened, I imagined/saw my golden form shooting from my crown and upwards, hands together like in prayer, towards the sky. She fought to get out but got stuck at her waist. She struggled but was not released.

What does that mean? How the heck do I know. It may mean nothing. I may mean that I am not fully opened and so she can only be freed when I am able to sustain this energy - which I can and could not. Or it may mean my tummy was really hungry and I needed some food!!

I've always been interested in dreaming, but this is the dream that got me motivated to learn more about it and ultimately led me to discover lucid dreaming. This is also the first dream that K, my only re-occurring non waking life DC, made his first appearance. I'm going to copy paste the dream as I wrote it out and sent to my bff that morning when I woke up. I'm not going to change much, just take out the names and maybe add a couple of notes in italics that I think are relevant or interesting to note. There are also notes I wrote to her in () throughout the dream. The dream is written to her, so there's lots of "you know"s and such, so I apologize in advanced for how hard it will be to read. Still I am afraid of rewriting it and ruining the authenticity of it, as when I recall it in my mind these days I'd usually slightly different from this recount I wrote to her.

The first point I can remember I was playing Mini golf with my dad. (This is something we used to do when I was really little and we'd go to the beach, surprising that it came up in a dream this late in life, lol) So I'm trying to get the ball through a windmill hole. You know the type with the windmill that moves and knocks your ball away from the tunnel to the hole. And my ball is yellow, and as I try to punt it through, it goes JUST inside the windmill and stops and starts rolling backwards b/c it's a slight hill. As it's slowly moving backwards, a blue ball flies by me and hits my ball knocking my ball back into the windmill and the two balls get stuck inside the windmill. I turn around to see whos ball it was b/c I didn't recognize it as my dads, and there's this guy standing there with a smug look on his face and a hat on his head with like crazy fluffy hair. (by crazy fluffy, I meant frizzy... like he had curly hair and had straightened it with a straightening iron... it was straight, but wanted to poof out at the bottoms)And in my dream, I've got memories of the guy so I "know" him. In my dream I remember a bunch of stuff all at once, half the memories are really sweet (like hugging me to make me feel better, and even sleeping next to him) but the other half are pretty arrogant (like he acts like he's better than me whenever he ends up showing that he cares b/c he doesn't want to let on or is embarrassed about it. Not really sure how to explain that so I hope that made sense!) Anyways, I get all huffy b/c he knocked my ball and got it stuck, and I'm all "What are you going here?" and he gets all smug and arrogant and says, "You didn't think you would actually make it in the hole did you? I just saved you the trouble of failing over and over again." I glare and then start to stomp off, and my dad asks me who he is, and I tell him he's just a jerk I know, and the guy makes a sarcastic "I'm hurt" type response and then we walk off. Then the dream kind of fast forwards, I know that we finished up minigolf and then went to the mall to check out a new video store or something, but I don't remember any great details, just that I was still hanging with my dad at this point and that the guy was pretty much leaving me alone. Then in the dream I wanted to go to hot topic or something and my dad was looking at music that I don't listen to, so I told him I was going to go look around and to call me when he was ready to leave. I leave, and get about three stores down and the guy from before is siting on a bench a good couple hundred feet away but where he can see that I left the store, and he gets up and falls in step with me like he belongs there, and at this point in the dream I'm feeling really mixed emotions. Part of me is happy he's there b/c I know I care a lot about him, but half of me is wondering why the heck he is walking beside me and not saying anything smug or arrogant. After passing in front of a couple more stores he stop me and tugs me into a jewelry store. I'm like Wtf? "Why are you dragging me in here?" and he gets all defensive and says something like, "I need a woman's opinion and even if your not very girly your the only female I know here so your going to help me. If you wanted a ring, which one would you like?" So I take the opportunity to try and tease him about having a secret girlfriend and he tells me to shut up and pick something or he's leaving. Happy to be spending time with him, and really anxious and nervous over the girlfriend part, I shut my mouth and start looking. I find one that's got a lot of tiny pretty sparkly white stones in it. Like diamond chips or something, you know the kind of ring that's all silver with tiny little stones barely the size of the of the dot on an i covering the whole thing like glitter. Then I tell him that most girls like diamonds so that ones probably a safe bet, and he puts his hand on my head and ruffles my hair and says, "I didn't ask you what most girls would like stupid, I asked you what you would like." And I get all pissed that he called me stupid and tell him that I wouldn't like jewelry store rings b/c they don't make them small enough for my hands and storm off. After storming off I go to the food court to get something to eat to calm my nerves and kill sometime until dads done. I'm vaguely aware of people behind me waiting in line to order, and just as I go to pay for my food the guy steps forwards like he had been the one behind me waiting in line and pays for my food saying something to the effect of, "I have to pay you for your services, even if you weren't very helpful" which gets me some weird looks from the people in line behind us and the guy behind the register. I thank the man behind the counter, and one again walk off angrily and annoyed (thoughts running through my head like "Why would he buy me lunch for something so trivial? Did he just want to buy me lunch? and if he did, why'd he have to be a jerk about it!") (not to mention making me sound like a prostitute, lol)and I sit down the eat. He pulls the chair across from me out and reaches out and starts eating my fries. I snap at him, "Get your own food!" and he's like, "Well I would have if someone hadn't been pmsing and decided to storm off before I could order!" to wich I reply, "Then you shouldn't have followed me" and he says, "I'm not done with you yet." and he starts in on the fact that I didn't show him which ring I would like, and I told him that I showed him one that most girls would like, and he says the girl it's for isn't like most girls anyway and I should just stop complaining and help him out. Then somehow we get on the topic of recent murders, and then my dad shows up and says we have to go. He had just got a call that he needed to go back to work for some emergency meeting. The guy makes a "tche" sort of noise like he's annoyed and tells me I wasn't any help, and then he turns to my dad and says something about how he shouldn't go to the meeting when hes supposed to be spending time with his daughter. And my dad gets all mad and says he has to work to make a living and the guy needs to mind his own business. Then I start to say good bye to the guy, but instead of saying good bye to me, he tells my dad to go bring the car around that he has to talk to me for a moment and that he didn't want to talk about our sex life in front of my dad. My jaw drops and I'm like, "What the hell are you talking about?!" and my dad gets all mad and tells me that he's bringing the car around but that he's really angry and we were going to talk in the car.

Then, when he leaves, the guy grabs my arm and leads me back to my seat at the table and pulls my arm down to make me sit, then he starts saying that the meeting my dad is going to is dangerous b/c theres a demon demanding sacrificial souls or else it will wipe out entire cities to get them. And that the government is having "emergency meetings" in all of it's contracted companies, and that all the people that come are going to be wiped out by a "gas accident" but that it's really the demon stealing their souls and burning down the building covering its tracks. Then he says that he's came here to defeat the Demon, but that he doesn't know if he's going to make it back or not and since I didn't pick my own ring I'd have to be happy with the one he picks for me. I'm like, WHAT?! Demon? are you crazy, and what the hell is this ring thing about? And he's all, "What do you think it's for stupid? I love you, ok? and if I make it back I want to marry you. And if I don't make it back, I wanted you to have something so you don't forget and think I hated you." and then I'm all like if you love me then why do you act like a jerk, and he says he doesn't know, he just feels uncomfortable when he's romantic in public and hes a jerk when he's uncomfortable so thats why, and then walks off. So then I go out to the parking lot where dads in the car and he tells me that he was nice enough to take me in when C (my hubby) and I split but that having C (my son) and C(my daughter) over every other week is rough enough and he doesn't need anymore screaming brats around and that he's not happy to hear his daughter is already sleeping around. To which I try to clear up the misunderstanding and tell him I'm not but that the guy is just a jerk like that who says shit without thinking just to get his way. Then I ask him not to go to the meeting and he says he has to, and I realize that instead of going home we've gone to a school. I ask why we're there, and he tells me to get out and go inside b/c there's some sort of emergency drill and citizens are supposed to go to shelters and that he has a shelter at work. When I try to protest he tells me to just go inside and wait, the drill would be over in a couple of hours. So I go inside, and your there!!! YAY!!! This is where A comes in and saves the day! I'm really confused at this point, so I start asking you about this "drill" and you don't really know much either, so we decide to go into one of the classrooms to watch the news on the classroom tv screens. When we get into the classroom the ground shakes, and we freak thinking it's an earth quake, but then it stops after only a couple seconds. Inside there are people sitting at desks and standing along the walls and sitting on the floor, pretty much packing the place watching the tv. On the Screen there is this huge red and shadowy person as tall as a tree and they're coming up out of a buss and pounding and grabbing at my dads work building tearing the whole place apart. Everyone in the room is silent, and the tv anchor is saying something about how there were people inside the building and that special forces were trying to contain the situation but no one was really sure what was going on so everyone was urged to stay in a designated shelter where they'd be safest. At that point I realize that the guy before hadn't been full of crap, and that there really was a demon and that he really had gone to fight it. So I break down crying, and you get a few people to move out of desks b/c my dad was in that building and you set me down at one of the desks and try to calm me down. You keep saying he'll be fine, they'll get him out of the building, and everything will be ok. And then the tv news anchor starts saying that a group of civilians have appeared on the scene, then the anchor starts freaking out saying that the civilians are shooting some sort of light from their hands and they're not sure whats going on, but it looks like they're trying to help defeat the monster. At that point I tell you what happened at the mall, and tell you about how even though I know the guys a jerk sometimes, I really did love him and he really was sweet when he wasn't uncomfortable or felt like his manliness was compromised. Then a lady walks into the room asking if I'm in there, and I don't recognize her but you wave and tell her I'm there. She comes over and drops a a present on the desk and tells me that some guy had left it in the office a while ago and said that I would be in one of the rooms and to give it to me. The present is wrapped in wrapping paper, but it's pulled up at the top like a bag. I dunno how to explain it other than imagine if you had a large piece of wrapping paper, and you set something in the middle then pulled all the corners and ends of the paper up to make a bag around the object instead of using tape to tape it. So I reach out and start to touch it, but when I touch it I can feel through the thin paper that it's shaped like a jewelry box. and I pull my hand back and gasp. You take the a little folded note off the ribbon that's holing it closed and read it out loud to me since I'm crying and everything is blurry. The note says, "Sorry I couldn't make it back. You know what this is for." When you finish I am crying so hard that I feel like I have to get way from the room, so I jump up and run out of the room, into the hall and then out of the school. You follow me, telling me to stop that it's dangerous out there, and I tell you that I have to go see him, that I have to see him one more time. I can't let him die without telling him how I feel as well. And you try to reason with me that obviously he knows how I feel or he wouldn't be so certain in the mall earlier or waste money on something so expensive, but I won't listen and just keep running. The school is in a city, so we're running on a sidewalk in between buildings, and the ground keeps shaking b/c we're only a few blocks from the demon that's trying to tear the building down.

Ok, I promise I'm almost done now, lol. But this is also where it gets weirder. This whole dream is super realistic, in the dream I'm feeling everything. I can still remember the uneven surface of the jewelry box like I really touched it even though it was just a dream. At this point in the dream though, I wake up crying. This is at about 9:45 this morning right? Well I'm still caught up in the emotion of the dream and I really want to go back to sleep to see what happens and to see the guy one more time. So I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. What happens though, is I get stuck in a half awake half asleep state, but it's unlike any I've ever been in before. I'm sill awake and aware of C(my son) and C(my daughter) and their movements and breathing, but I'm also asleep and back into this uber realistic dream. It's like being two people at the same time, only I can feel both the things happening in my dream and my covers on my body in real life, but I can't move my body at all in real life. It's like I'm paralyzed. It really was amazing but scary at the same time b/c I couldn't move!!!

So the dream continues, and we end up at the scene of the battle. There are two girls, and three guys (including THE guy) fighting this demon. Just as we arrive at the scene, THE guy bursts into this beautiful bright white light that completely engulfs the demon and him and it's like an explosion, loud sound and shock wave and everything. We fall to the ground b/c it's shaking and then when everything clears and settles the guy is standing there in the middle of the street were he had just destroyed this demon thing, and he's bleeding from deep cuts along his arms chest and back and he's got no shirt on and his jeans are ripped half up the legs and he has all sorts of dirt and black smudges on him and I rush forwards to him. He look at me, and blinks a couple of times like he's confused, then he's all, "What the hell are you doing here stupid? Your supposed to be safe inside a shelter!" Then he falls to his knees, and I drop to mine and catch him before he can fall face first onto the ground. He reaches around and hugs me (keep in mind I'm still experiencing this half and half state where not only am I feeling this but also my real body wrapped in covers and unable to move) and I'm crying and telling him that I had gotten the gift and that I just couldn't let him die without seeing him again and telling him how I really felt. and he says something about the stupid office lady not supposed to give it to me until nightfall so that if he was going to make it he'd be there when I got it to so I wouldn't freak out.

Then C(my daughter) woke up and started kicking me and I lost the dream, but it took about 15-30 seconds (and several kicks) before I was able to move again. (At the time, my daughter was only a year and a half old, and slept in my bed with me) I had a dream a few months ago (maybe 7 or 8?) that was pretty realistic, I couldn't wake up from, and I was "paralyzed" after waking up for a few seconds, but this is the first time I've ever been conscious of both the dream and my real body and being so aware of how trapped I am. I mean it's one thing to know your dreaming and can't wake yourself up, it's totally different when your aware of your dream and your surroundings but unable to wake up or move or anything on your own. I know it seems similar, but it's much scarier when your aware that things are going on around you and you can't react to them b/c your trapped in this dream and your real body is paralyzed!

Obviously now I know a lot more about sleep paralysis and what I experiencing, but if not for this dream I'd still be clueless and might never had learned about lucid dreaming. K remains my biggest motivator for lucid dreaming. I want to ask him, Why is he the only DC I dream about reoccurringly? Is he a normal DC, or is he a guide, or even another dreamer? Why am I always exhausted after I dream of him as if I didn't get any sleep at all? I could probably fill an entire journal entry with my questions, lol. He's been in several dreams, there was 3 weeks in a row when I saw him every single Monday and Thursday until I had my first lucid. Now, I can't seem to find him when I'm lucid. I've called him in lucids before, but all I can produce of him in those dreams is his voice. As crazy as it sounds, the second dream I ever had of him he tried to make me realize I was dreaming, and that was before I even knew anything about lucid dreaming. I'm pretty sure now that I am able to become lucid every once and a while, he's purposely making me search for him. When I hit this dry spell, he's shown back up again, almost like he's reminding me that I have a purpose, and I can't just give up on lucid dreaming just because I hit a snag. As for his personality, well it hasn't changed much. He still acts pretty aloof in my dreams, though over the last year we've gone from getting frustrated with one another to being happy to see one another. Who am I kidding? I'm always happy to see him But in the begging it seemed like we didn't know quite how to act around one another. Now he keeps his distance and acts at times like he's carrying a chip on his shoulder, but still manages to soften up with me. I no longer get annoyed or mad when he's aloof or distant, I sort of understand that's how he is and I don't think now I'd want him to act any other way. Anyways, if anyone's interested in reading more, SOme entries to check out are:

2/16/12 - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (First Paragraph)

2-20-12 Nap - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (Part Two)

Catching up the last several days! - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (2-23, Dream Two)

2-27-12 - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (Dream Two and Notes)

There are more, but I don't feel like looking them up, lol. These are just the ones I knew the dates for. I doubt anyone's actually read this far, but if you did Thank You for your time! And please feel free to comment, especially if you've got similarly important or unusual dream characters. This whole thing was mostly for my own benefit though. I intend to rededicate myself to trying to become lucid. When my recall stopped being great, I stopped reality checking and haven't had a lucid in a month or so. I figure reminding myself why I'm trying to get lucid is the best way to kick start my motivation

April 13, 2012
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Last night, I wrote my affirmation: I remember my dreams vividly and recall them in detail when I wake.

Then, I drew a line beneath the affirmation, read for a while, and before I fell asleep I repeated the affirmation.

It seems I forgot to clue my subconscious in on a few things:

1. I need to actually write the dream down.
2. -or maybe this should be #1 - I need to stay awake long enough to do #1.

*sigh*

I woke several times during the night and I KNOW each time I woke it was because I had a dream. I remembered the dream when I woke .... BUT...I rolled right over and went back to sleep.

Tonight, I will adjust the affirmation to INCLUDE staying awake to record the dream.

I set a series of alarms last night to wake me up in order for me to practice WILDing, but each time I just fell asleep like normal. The only dream I can recall was I was in a building trying to get to the sixth floor, but everyone was evacuating it.

I don't remember anything. I'm beginning to lose hope in all of this. Beginning to lazy out a bit too. Maybe I need a break.

(2009) Old Meditation


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When I was meditating a lot - every day, for at least an hour a day, I had some very surreal experiences. One memorable session occurred while I meditated without music. I had progressed to the place where I could go to a black void and just hear and think nothing. I was able to hold that for quite awhile - THEN - now, not so much.

While in this void, which is very peaceful, by the way, a figure floated toward me. I simply observed it at first because sometimes the brain does send us images, but when you get to a point that you can quiet your mind, you can discern your thoughts. This was not my thought.

The silver man looked like a solid, human form of quick silver. He was quite stunning. I don't know why I knew he was male at that point - I think I noticed his chest was male and lacked breasts - sooo that certainly would give him away.

At some point, I saw myself floating in this void, and I was my golden image. I was floating, like in a pool, on my back. He floated above me, his face looking into my face. His eyes were the same color as his body, as were his lips and every other part of him. He was not translucent like me. He was solid and you could not see 'through' him. He had no male anatomy that I could discern. As he floated above me, I got the sense he was going to do 'something' to me. I became a bit nervous but not enough to leave the meditation. I think I was far too curious, as this was one of my first encounters. I was not able to control him. And I know that sounds weird, but it was similar to a lucid dream, after what I've read in here (as I've not had many lucid dreams) when you can't control your DC. He did his own thing.

He spoke to me but I don't recall now what he said exactly. His voice was deep and definitely male. He also was talking to 'others' and I could not hear them. I never did see these other people(??). But he continued to float above me - sort of in a missionary position, but yet, he never touched me, during this session. He was sort of a sexual being, but I got the sense that he was there for me, but I didn't know what that meant at the time. I was attracted to him. He had a very domineering personality. It was not mean, it was just matter-of-fact and you're going to do this. He faded away, and I came out of my meditation. It would not be the last time I encountered the Silver Man. (kind of reminds me of the Silver Surfer - which was not out then and I never read comics) He visited me a few more times and the visitations became more intense.