side notes

Non-Lucid to Lucid: My family was going on a vacation on a big river or lake somewhere. There came this big rain & some of us had tents that were right next to the water & had to try to find other places to sleep. Things were just so surreal at this point so I knew I had to be dreaming & became lucid so knowing my family I wanted to see what else was to come that I could amp up on steroids through lucidty. But for now I was seeing where we were walking along & it was going well under the circumstances so I was just waiting for my "in". Then we were going down the dock on our way to get the the buffet that was supposed to be available but went right past it cuz it was just this one little cart. So we were disappointed. It was time to go look for other things to do but Mike called & ruined it!

Oddly enough it reminded me of another dream I had years ago on a lake. It just popped in my head & that was pretty cool in itself... I'd say this dream was probably about me being overwhelmed & wanting to do some positive things with my family where I don't have to think about the stressful things for a while. It's all about time management. But this weekend is about Mike. He needs to take a vacation day for himself & not just use them for shit that needs to get done so maybe next week or weekend. I also want to get back to doing a little wbtb stuff next week & hopefully some chaining. Setting an alarm helps a lot.... I also had a failed v-mild which I was using a mirror but not gonnna elaborate cuz it's a little personal.


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D1: Non-lucid- I was granted access to the Ellen Degeneres set & became friends from her. She showed me around in the building into secret hangout places & into a hidden parking garage. We hung out for quite a while but there was nothing remarkable about it.

D2: Non-lucid- I was hanging out with Steve Moses from season 17 of Big Brother. I don't remember much of the detail but we watched him sitting on the block waiting to see if he was going to be voted out, lol.

I have no idea what either of these dreams even mean.


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I'm back home. I'm looking outside from the front of the house. I see two boxes. I'm afraid to open them. I assume I opened at least one of them because there is the bottom part of a dress or skirt. It has money in it. I give the money to I think my gf. Its also nighttime which might of been why I was kind of scared...

I talked to a friend of mine today and she thought what was emotions inside the boxes. If anyone who reads this would like to interpret it that would be cool of you.

I was watching the scene unfold. The people wore the attire from the 50's but there were candies & such oddities that reminded me of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory movie. I was supposed to marry one man but was being guided along another path from scene to scene showing me why another was more suitable for me. It was very light hearted & really calm & happy. I was just enjoying it until I got woke up from stomach pains. Damn constipation, lol.



I have been reading about meditation which is helping me keep centered & calm but I can't wait till my son goes back to college so I can use living room for some new meditations. He's up at all hours & is really loud talking with fellow gamers. He just gets louder & louder due to the headphones. Sigh. Momma needs her meditation time damn it!


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Had a nightmare this morning. Trying a wake back to bed to have a lucid dream. When I actually try to have lucid dreams I'm pretty successful at remembering the ones early around 2 or so in the morning.

It is extremely rare for me to wake up & not recall any dream or dream fragment at all. But today I did. I think it was because my body was just so exhausted mentally & physically that I got some true sleep.

Been doing a little better with my dream recall and this is what I want to do in my next lucid dream:

During a lucid dream will a door into existence wherever I am at go inside see a book written by me and published on a bookshelf. Pick it up look at the front and see the title. Look at the back and read what it's about. Remember upon awakening and write it down.

I'm wanting to write at least a story because some people tell me I'm a good writer.

I didn't get much sleep. Had to get up & go move my mother n law into an Assisted Living Home cuz her dementia is so bad. So I had a vague non-lucid but l had to get around quickly & didn't have time to write it down.

On a brighter strange note. Yesterday I forgot to mention something due to time. I woke up to go pee in the middle of the night & was standing in the doorway of my bathroom & I felt vibrations & heard the whirl & saw my arms. My astral arms & my regular arms. I was just stopped in the doorway kind of taken a back by it. This has never happened before while just walking through my house & i was just kind of in awe of it. I knew I needed sleep cuz of so much going on so I just went back to bed when the experience ended after about 2 minutes.....

Strangely enough it may have to do w/ a weird visual thing I've been doing lately. See, I've been building this dream house in my head for years just to fall asleep until a couple of weeks ago when I started doing it again but now I find myself subconsciously doing it at other times. I'll be reading & comprehending my book but my mind is building my house & I go a couple of paragraphs & think, man this is weird. Then I realized I was doing it while just walking through my house just out of the blue. Kind of like daydreaming or something but I'm still doing whatever task. It's like I've trained my brain to multitask this one thing because I'm always tweaking details to my house.

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Non-lucid to lucid nightmare of sorts. It's hard to describe the place I'm in but I'll do my best. Okay, say you were in a warehouse type of place but with no roof & there are these kind of balconies but industrial like. That's as good as I can describe it. The world is basically ending & these guys are telling me the only way out is to come with them. So we climb up to the surrounding balcony & it leads to a door & through the door there is this tunnel.... The threat that will end us all is this constant water rising & people are trying to get to higher ground but it's obvious that even that will not save us. They tell me we need to get into this tube which is like 2 feet in diameter & it will take us into the earth somewhere where we will be safe. So, I was like okay, I'm claustrophobic but it's to save my life right? Then they tell me we will be sliding in said small fucking tunnel tube for a fucking hour but we will be fine. I become lucid as I'm thinking I have to be dreaming because this is all scary but nonetheless stupid. And then I start to panic & I just need to get away from this dream & right on cue before I could change anything my husband calls to wake me up.

I know why I had this dream. I was reading this book on meditation & it has you pay attention to your breathing. Breathe like you are breathing blue fluid which simulates the eather & yes in this book it's spelled that way on purpose.... And the tube came from when Mike & I had to go to one of the other pools recently due to our pool has the swim meet going on & he gashed his head in one of their tube slides that were made for kids... And I "am" claustrophobic & hate said tubes in general but I can deal with them if they are really fast or short rides.... Not to mention I'm overwhelmed with shit going on in my life right now so it all makes perfect sense. I would have liked to change the scene though because I had a dreamscape planned out. Oh well.



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Used the WBTB method & had many non lucid dreams & one that was really starting to be lucid but they were too intricate to write & remember with my pain level being so high & my notes look like a drunk person wrote them. What I thought was a zit in my nose is actually an ingrown hair so now not only do I have pain I have a hole in the inside of my nose from it draining. I slept all day just to wake up repeatedly to take meds. Making myself eat but all I really want to do is go back to sleep. I'm frustrated.




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Following my previous blog entry, I formulated a guess about how my lucid dreams have been induced all this time, strangely enough. This morning I had another lucid dream with a unique twist.

It was a another DILD following a WBTB wherein I recognized I was dreaming but as usual, didn’t hold the dream for more than 10-20 seconds. I woke up shortly afterwards with my eyelids still lit up with vivid hypnagogic imagery such as a playing cards twisting and spinning and even the word “RSAtouble” was seen. I believe I was reading the word as “Roundtable” - just poorly misspelled.

I wasted no time in trying to gain entry into the dream world again and tried to do the FILD method while waiting for the opportune time to move my limbs again, do a reality check, and explore the dream world. I was certain I was dreaming but I was still in my place of rest so I got up, did a nose-pinch reality check but could not breathe so I lied back down and tried once again to get back into the dream scene using the FILD technique.

The thing is, in retrospect, that reality check should have failed because that entire FILD sequence was a dream, I now realize. But because I thought I was fully I awake, I expected the reality check to succeed and thus it did.

Expectations are huge in the dream world. I am not talking about these forced expectations that are induced via mantras. I am talking about expectations as natural as you expecting a light to come on when you flip a switch or when you turn a doorknob. They are not consciously thought about, you just passive anticipate the usual result after countless repetition. A routine essentially. Anyway, back on track.

It wasn’t till after I had woken up one last time to get ready for work that I realized what had happened, I had some inception-style lucid dream.

I noticed a pattern in when my lucid dreams have occurred:

1. I sleep for 4-6 hours then wake up for 45-60 minutes.

2. I go back to sleep with awareness of the time and the intention to awaken at a later time. Why? Because it would be absolutely dreadful to be late for work trying to lucid dream.

3. I expect to have a lucid dream but I don’t try to force anything. My priority is to get as much sleep as possible within the 2 hour time frame I’m allowed.

If the second item is the reason for my lucid dreams, then I may be on the cusp of mastering the induction of lucid dreams. After that, it is only a matter of training stability and control.

I had about 6 dreams but pain interrupted me from logging them all. I have a zit from hell inside my nose! I set my special tone alarm (Illuminate, which I highly recommend. It's already on all iphones) on my phone to wake me up every 2 hrs & it worked well but logging was too hard due to the complexity of my dreams combined with the pain from this damn zit. I feel like someone punched me in the face. Every time my alarm would go off I had to get up & take part of a pain pill & I wanted to be able to have more dreams so I chose not to log them all. These are the 2 I did log.


D1: One of the characters was from "Bates Motel" which I was watching season 3 before I went to bed. She was the Queen in this baby factory. I was in this big factory with assembly lines which were using the Queen like a Queen bee to colonize a civilization. I was babysitting some of the kids upstairs. It was really creepy.

D2: I was in this women's prison but it wasn't a normal prison. It actually was set up like a reoccurring dream I have of living w/ like age teenage girls. It wasn't that interesting but I became lucid & just wanted it to end because of what it represents. (I spent 2 years in a group home in my teens. I was in a similar environment at a Women's Domestic Violence shelter w/ my 3 oldest kids a crazy amount of times. Then yesterday I had to go back to the town where I was in the Girl's home as a teenager for 2 yrs which brought up a bunch of feelings... Yesterday we had to go to my sister n laws house in that town. My brother in law was just trying to make conversation & had no idea that I had extremely bad memories there. But it became a topic when I said I used to live there & we unfortunately were just 3 blocks away from where it used to be. The conversation was unexpected & I almost freaked out at the dinner table but I kept my head & dealt w/ it. Today I'm kind of in a funk over it all but that's okay.... This also was a sync of sorts due to the fact that I just found out recently that they moved the girls home & now I was back there for the first time in approximately 28 years.)


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D1: Nice vivid non-lucid- My aunt Jill, (who is 17 days older than me in real life) are living in this dorm like setting participating in a "Big Brother Dorm Edition" so there were camera's everywhere. Apparently I had missed a season on the show like it was a 4 part season but I had missed the last one for some reason & she wasn't happy w/ me about it but I'm not sure why I missed it. We were arguing about this right before a live competition while we were watching the first team go. They were in this Derby looking car & were being twisted & turned at a fast speed along electrical lines which looked really sketchy & being flung around with jerky motion. Someone got hurt somehow but it wasn't clear how or why... (Became lucid) I was still arguing with Jill about treating me like shit & she was defensive. I walked away & started practicing with Derrick Levasseur who was the winner of "Big Brother 16". Meesha woke me up while I was back arguing w/ Jill which sucked because I was lucid by this time trying to talk to her about real life issues. I woke up feeling like I wanted to talk to her but decided against it cuz it's a lost cause due to the fact that my grandmother "Crazy Daisy" lives w/ her which I don't like & Jill acted like a bitch the last time she was at my house about 10 yrs ago. At the time there was nothing wrong with my house but it was just modestly small. She took her baby outside in her van to change it like my bed wasn't good enough for her. It was so boldly rude. My house was clean & there was absolutely no reason for this. It makes my blood boil when ppl are like that, let alone family. In my opinion she can just go fuck herself.

D2: I was at some audition like I was some aspiring actress. Everything was funny about this. It was running lines & acting certain ways. Like some really fucked up version of "I Love Lucy" because it wasn't wholesome & the people were represented as intelligent but comedic. I was lying my ass off about my credentials & this woman there new it so she pulled me aside & told me I was going places but not as actress. She said she thought I could easily be a script writer. I was beginning to become lucid when Meesha woke me up but it was just too late.





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Lots of syncs corresponding to something in my dream, so I don't know whether it also symbolises something else, probably

D1 - I am at my parents house all is dark, its a wintry morning. I'm wearing a quilted jacket and am in their kitchen then locking up before I go out. I am scared of something unseen a presence/feeling. I double back and check they are a sleep. They're door is closed signifiying they are still a sleep.
I take a small steel key to lock the back door, I feel the cold of the key against my fingers and fiddle with the lock, checking and re-checking. This action is slowly waking me up in the dream. As I feel vague stirrings of my consciousness, as if a mist is lifting or becoming less foggy headed.
Outside the ground is frozen with a light snow. In the distance I can see children surrounding two cats that appear to be fighting.
I preceive that the childtren are in some way encouraging or in some way to blame for the fighting.
The cats are jumping into the air as they fly at each other.
Two of the children walk in my direction, I am scared and angry at the same time.
I finally realise it is a dream, and say to myself are i'm dreaming. I wonder what to do and can think of nothing except to release my pent up emotion by kicking one of the children up the butt.
The other child has a funny blue and white, thick woolen jumper and matching woolley hat. He has long fair hair and looks on bemusedly.
I remember that I need to stabalise and rub my hands frantically together but then I wake up.

[Comment]
The action of touching the key in the dream clearly triggered my surfacing from the normal dream state.

D2 - Long dream where I am working with another teacher in a large lecture threatre, preparing stuff for later. I am interrupted by a manager who askes where a painting has gone missing. I pretend to look for it, in the hope she'll go away.
Similarly, I try and escape from an office later on some pretext or other in the hope of not being found out.

I've been having success with autosuggestion again as I'm trying to come out of an extended period with less LDs than usual.

The technique I'm trying is simply making my dream goal my last thought before I fall into unconscious sleep.