side notes

Preface:
Bed at midnight. Long day and long night. Skipped vitamins before bed; I was so tired I forgot about them.
I am noticing that my dream transitions are smoother. Dreams are turning into one really long dream, as opposed to many short ones.

DR1

I am walking down an alleyway with a couple of friends. It is evening time, and the color of the buildings is brown/goldish. It looks as if everything is being lit up by a torch, except, there is no torch in sight. I am with a girlfriend, and we are being accompanied by two guys. My girlfriend is talking a lot, explaining her new plan to "make" money. We arrive at a clearing in an alleyway. There is a table, with a machine on top if it. She has apparently found this machine, and this machine actually "makes" gold coins! The machine is made up of all types of contraptions that go all the way down the table and end with coins dropping into 4 five gallon (20liter) buckets that have somehow been screwed in under the table. You have to unscrew the buckets to get the product out. I actually watch liquid gold run through the contraption and I am amazed. I begin to think that this is dangerous, and ask more questions about how this came about. The guys unscrew the buckets from underneath the table. Wow, 4 big buckets of gold coins!

And then, through conversation, I find out that people are after that machine! A dangerous gang of thugs is lurking in the background and they ambush us. Our guy friends manage to take two buckets of coins to safety, but the thugs take two. My friend hides a little stash under some old clothes on the table, and nobody bothers to look there. We all run around a corner, and I find the doorway of a building. I open it, we go in and close/lock the door behind us. Its a sturdy building door so nobody can come in. Has a hospital feel to it, except for the building has warm colors on a darker scheme (brown, gold, oranges, dim lighting); it's not white like a medical facility. We start to try to figure out what to do, but we are confused and panicked.

The gang stops trying to get in and they disappear. We start to look around the lobby and offices, which seem like lived-in hotel rooms. We try to get some rest and figure out what to do next. Our guy friends have managed to run off with the gold buckets, so its just me, my girlfriend and no gold.

I start to wander into one of the rooms, because I hear a noise. My friend says, "don't go down that hall- I think it used to be a psyche (psychiatric) ward". I wander into a room down the hall anyway, out of curiosity. When I open the door, there is a little girl with glasses standing in front of her bed. The room looks normal, only I am seeing everything in grey/blue scale. A weird blue light is cast over everything. She speaks to me, and calls me a name that I don't recognize. She tells me I'm from Texas, but I have a Louisiana spirit.
I tell her she's mistaken, that "<name>" isn't my name. She picks up a doll, smells it and looks up at me. At that moment, her eyes become completely black and she turns into a small dwarf man/monster. In a demon-like voice he says, "That's right! your name is <my name>". I panic with fear, and he starts to grow taller- really tall. I think part of me realizes this is a dream, but I don't wake up. I feel like its a threat that can be contained within the room. I say to myself, "oh, no no..this is not why I came" and I walk out of the room and shut the door. When I close the door, my fear is gone and I return to the room where my friend is waiting.

All of a sudden, the thugs are back, trying to get into the door. They tell us to open the door and give us the gold, because they have our kids. We begin to panic and we try to negotiate. We don't have the gold so we are freaking out. They end up taking one of the older kids, and I don't know what to do. We can see the alleyway from the small window in the door. There is a fence (?) on the left border. They throw the kid over the fence and we just begin freaking out. I am standing there crying uncontrollably for a solid couple of minutes because I don't know what to do.

My friend and I then realize that we have been in the thugs' hiding place the whole time. We can see a car in the street, so we begin looking for the keys. We are also thinking that we can still get the remainder of the gold from the table, to get kids back.
As this thought comes to mind, my dream shifts to third person and I am floating over the table. The clothes are removed from the hidden stash before me. I can see that my friend has placed coins in a bunch of little gift boxes for the poor.

I shift out of third person, because I am looking for keys inside the facility. In some attempt at a trade, the thugs have given us pieces of wood instead of car keys. I realize that the keys must be inside the facility somewhere. I search the lobby and find the keys on the shelf. I tell my friend we have to go.

We open the door and we run. We get into the car- and my dream shifts into third person. The car has been painted this metallic purple, and its all tricked out. I feel myself get into the car, but my when my vision shifts, I can only see her face and one part of the car...I can't recall seeing myself even though I know I got in.


Notes:
Lots of obvious dream symbols that I won't bother to list. However, weird notes include:
-Two dreams in a row where two seemingly innocent people have morphed into harmful beings. (On 07/13 the homeless boy, and last night the little girl with glasses)
- Why she smells the doll to recognize me is so odd. I have a very keen sense of smell IRL, though.
-Gifts for the poor
-Purple car
- kidnapping
- poor is also a theme for 2 nights in a row. (gifts for the poor and the homeless man)

I woke up from a non-lucid dream but didn't have time to write it down or try & remember many details. My stomach has been messed up all day. Think I got a touch of food poisoning from Taco Bell, lol.

Preface:
Bed at 11pm. Lots of physical activity to release stress, so my body is sore. Recall of morning dreams are better.
Lots of detoxing and re-organizing going on in my life! Lately, I have been trying to rid my life of negative thinking. Most importantly, this has included removing myself from some of my social circles and false friendships, as I found the individuals to be emotionally and spiritually harmful. I realize that many times, my friends didn't mean to be so toxic, but I have a very high EI, and I'm very sensitive, so it affects me deeply in very different ways. Being around negative people is extremely spiritually exhausting. I need to be around friends who have a genuine interest in my well being and who have the same interest in nurturing the friendship as I do. I don't have many friends, but some of the few I have need to be kept at "arms length"; others have to be let go completely. As a result, I have been spending time with my really close friends and trying to build on the relationships that are most meaningful in my life. I am very excited about this time in my life, as I feel the negative energy is finally being cleared from my path.

DR1

I received a call from a friend in Dallas, telling me that she was coming to visit for the weekend. My mom and I begin an organization project. We are in a huge room, which is apparently my closet. There are racks of clothes neatly organized, but I still have more apparel to put in order. I begin to complain that I have no space. All of a sudden, my mom moves a rack of clothes and reveals tons of unused shelf space. "You have plenty of room", she says. I am excited and begin to use the space. I have conversations with my mom about clothes and I even have the nerve to say I really don't have anything to wear. She laughs, of course.

After cleaning, I am with my two small nieces outside. We live in a house with a doorway that faces a busy street. There is a bus stop on that busy street, half a block from our house. We do not have a front lawn at all. Instead, we have a sort of pavement space. It almost feels like we are living inside of a storefront. Anyway, I am sitting on the ground with my two nieces and we are putting together a puzzle. This is a beautiful puzzle, of a view of buildings. The puzzle pieces are huge, maybe the size of small postcards. However the puzzle itself is pretty big, so its taking awhile and the sidewalk is full of them. There is one part in particular that I want to put together- a gorgeous periwinkle blue building. I am so happy while putting it together and I'm really feeling great. The kids help, and at some point my sister joins us. I start to grab all of the pieces for the framework. The kids get bored and go inside. My sister is helping but she's working on another area, and we're making small talk.

Then, a small boy gets off a city bus not too far away from us. He looks homeless. He's kind of dirty and wearing tattered clothes. He sits down next to me and watches me put the puzzle together. I let him sit there, because I figure he's harmless. He starts to ask questions and talk a lot. At first I am not really paying attention, but then his voice starts to get deeper. My sister notices the boy and becomes uninterested in the puzzle. She goes away (inside our home?). I am a little confused by the boy's presence and exactly what he wants. I don't ask him anything, and it feels hella uncomfortable, but I let him go on sitting there and talking. I get about 4 pieces of the part I really like, so that I can completely see the building. I turn to look at the boy, and I get freaked out because he has turned into a homeless man, sitting there watching me put together this puzzle.

At this point, I become a third person in the dream, and I can see myself sitting on the ground with the puzzle, and I can also see the man not far away. He is still seated, but he has moved closer to me. He has this sore on the inside of his bottom lip; I can see it when he talks. He looks completely neglected. I can see my expression and feel it at the same time..I am weirded out but I try not act weird because I don't want to disrespect him. He starts talking about random things, I am not really sure about what- his problems...I don't know, he's rambling. I am wary of him. I watch myself stand up and move away from him. I appear grossed out. I also go away (inside our home?).

Side Notes:
Experienced memorable, blissful feelings while piecing together the part of the puzzle with the pretty, blue building.
Experienced fear and disgust upon infringement of a stranger.
News of my friend in Dallas is odd. Will have to check on her.

Non-Lucid to Lucid: My family was going on a vacation on a big river or lake somewhere. There came this big rain & some of us had tents that were right next to the water & had to try to find other places to sleep. Things were just so surreal at this point so I knew I had to be dreaming & became lucid so knowing my family I wanted to see what else was to come that I could amp up on steroids through lucidty. But for now I was seeing where we were walking along & it was going well under the circumstances so I was just waiting for my "in". Then we were going down the dock on our way to get the the buffet that was supposed to be available but went right past it cuz it was just this one little cart. So we were disappointed. It was time to go look for other things to do but Mike called & ruined it!

Oddly enough it reminded me of another dream I had years ago on a lake. It just popped in my head & that was pretty cool in itself... I'd say this dream was probably about me being overwhelmed & wanting to do some positive things with my family where I don't have to think about the stressful things for a while. It's all about time management. But this weekend is about Mike. He needs to take a vacation day for himself & not just use them for shit that needs to get done so maybe next week or weekend. I also want to get back to doing a little wbtb stuff next week & hopefully some chaining. Setting an alarm helps a lot.... I also had a failed v-mild which I was using a mirror but not gonnna elaborate cuz it's a little personal.


Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

D1: Non-lucid- I was granted access to the Ellen Degeneres set & became friends from her. She showed me around in the building into secret hangout places & into a hidden parking garage. We hung out for quite a while but there was nothing remarkable about it.

D2: Non-lucid- I was hanging out with Steve Moses from season 17 of Big Brother. I don't remember much of the detail but we watched him sitting on the block waiting to see if he was going to be voted out, lol.

I have no idea what either of these dreams even mean.


Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

I'm back home. I'm looking outside from the front of the house. I see two boxes. I'm afraid to open them. I assume I opened at least one of them because there is the bottom part of a dress or skirt. It has money in it. I give the money to I think my gf. Its also nighttime which might of been why I was kind of scared...

I talked to a friend of mine today and she thought what was emotions inside the boxes. If anyone who reads this would like to interpret it that would be cool of you.

I was watching the scene unfold. The people wore the attire from the 50's but there were candies & such oddities that reminded me of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory movie. I was supposed to marry one man but was being guided along another path from scene to scene showing me why another was more suitable for me. It was very light hearted & really calm & happy. I was just enjoying it until I got woke up from stomach pains. Damn constipation, lol.



I have been reading about meditation which is helping me keep centered & calm but I can't wait till my son goes back to college so I can use living room for some new meditations. He's up at all hours & is really loud talking with fellow gamers. He just gets louder & louder due to the headphones. Sigh. Momma needs her meditation time damn it!


Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Had a nightmare this morning. Trying a wake back to bed to have a lucid dream. When I actually try to have lucid dreams I'm pretty successful at remembering the ones early around 2 or so in the morning.

It is extremely rare for me to wake up & not recall any dream or dream fragment at all. But today I did. I think it was because my body was just so exhausted mentally & physically that I got some true sleep.

Been doing a little better with my dream recall and this is what I want to do in my next lucid dream:

During a lucid dream will a door into existence wherever I am at go inside see a book written by me and published on a bookshelf. Pick it up look at the front and see the title. Look at the back and read what it's about. Remember upon awakening and write it down.

I'm wanting to write at least a story because some people tell me I'm a good writer.

I didn't get much sleep. Had to get up & go move my mother n law into an Assisted Living Home cuz her dementia is so bad. So I had a vague non-lucid but l had to get around quickly & didn't have time to write it down.

On a brighter strange note. Yesterday I forgot to mention something due to time. I woke up to go pee in the middle of the night & was standing in the doorway of my bathroom & I felt vibrations & heard the whirl & saw my arms. My astral arms & my regular arms. I was just stopped in the doorway kind of taken a back by it. This has never happened before while just walking through my house & i was just kind of in awe of it. I knew I needed sleep cuz of so much going on so I just went back to bed when the experience ended after about 2 minutes.....

Strangely enough it may have to do w/ a weird visual thing I've been doing lately. See, I've been building this dream house in my head for years just to fall asleep until a couple of weeks ago when I started doing it again but now I find myself subconsciously doing it at other times. I'll be reading & comprehending my book but my mind is building my house & I go a couple of paragraphs & think, man this is weird. Then I realized I was doing it while just walking through my house just out of the blue. Kind of like daydreaming or something but I'm still doing whatever task. It's like I've trained my brain to multitask this one thing because I'm always tweaking details to my house.

Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Non-lucid to lucid nightmare of sorts. It's hard to describe the place I'm in but I'll do my best. Okay, say you were in a warehouse type of place but with no roof & there are these kind of balconies but industrial like. That's as good as I can describe it. The world is basically ending & these guys are telling me the only way out is to come with them. So we climb up to the surrounding balcony & it leads to a door & through the door there is this tunnel.... The threat that will end us all is this constant water rising & people are trying to get to higher ground but it's obvious that even that will not save us. They tell me we need to get into this tube which is like 2 feet in diameter & it will take us into the earth somewhere where we will be safe. So, I was like okay, I'm claustrophobic but it's to save my life right? Then they tell me we will be sliding in said small fucking tunnel tube for a fucking hour but we will be fine. I become lucid as I'm thinking I have to be dreaming because this is all scary but nonetheless stupid. And then I start to panic & I just need to get away from this dream & right on cue before I could change anything my husband calls to wake me up.

I know why I had this dream. I was reading this book on meditation & it has you pay attention to your breathing. Breathe like you are breathing blue fluid which simulates the eather & yes in this book it's spelled that way on purpose.... And the tube came from when Mike & I had to go to one of the other pools recently due to our pool has the swim meet going on & he gashed his head in one of their tube slides that were made for kids... And I "am" claustrophobic & hate said tubes in general but I can deal with them if they are really fast or short rides.... Not to mention I'm overwhelmed with shit going on in my life right now so it all makes perfect sense. I would have liked to change the scene though because I had a dreamscape planned out. Oh well.



Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Used the WBTB method & had many non lucid dreams & one that was really starting to be lucid but they were too intricate to write & remember with my pain level being so high & my notes look like a drunk person wrote them. What I thought was a zit in my nose is actually an ingrown hair so now not only do I have pain I have a hole in the inside of my nose from it draining. I slept all day just to wake up repeatedly to take meds. Making myself eat but all I really want to do is go back to sleep. I'm frustrated.




Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Following my previous blog entry, I formulated a guess about how my lucid dreams have been induced all this time, strangely enough. This morning I had another lucid dream with a unique twist.

It was a another DILD following a WBTB wherein I recognized I was dreaming but as usual, didn’t hold the dream for more than 10-20 seconds. I woke up shortly afterwards with my eyelids still lit up with vivid hypnagogic imagery such as a playing cards twisting and spinning and even the word “RSAtouble” was seen. I believe I was reading the word as “Roundtable” - just poorly misspelled.

I wasted no time in trying to gain entry into the dream world again and tried to do the FILD method while waiting for the opportune time to move my limbs again, do a reality check, and explore the dream world. I was certain I was dreaming but I was still in my place of rest so I got up, did a nose-pinch reality check but could not breathe so I lied back down and tried once again to get back into the dream scene using the FILD technique.

The thing is, in retrospect, that reality check should have failed because that entire FILD sequence was a dream, I now realize. But because I thought I was fully I awake, I expected the reality check to succeed and thus it did.

Expectations are huge in the dream world. I am not talking about these forced expectations that are induced via mantras. I am talking about expectations as natural as you expecting a light to come on when you flip a switch or when you turn a doorknob. They are not consciously thought about, you just passive anticipate the usual result after countless repetition. A routine essentially. Anyway, back on track.

It wasn’t till after I had woken up one last time to get ready for work that I realized what had happened, I had some inception-style lucid dream.

I noticed a pattern in when my lucid dreams have occurred:

1. I sleep for 4-6 hours then wake up for 45-60 minutes.

2. I go back to sleep with awareness of the time and the intention to awaken at a later time. Why? Because it would be absolutely dreadful to be late for work trying to lucid dream.

3. I expect to have a lucid dream but I don’t try to force anything. My priority is to get as much sleep as possible within the 2 hour time frame I’m allowed.

If the second item is the reason for my lucid dreams, then I may be on the cusp of mastering the induction of lucid dreams. After that, it is only a matter of training stability and control.

I had about 6 dreams but pain interrupted me from logging them all. I have a zit from hell inside my nose! I set my special tone alarm (Illuminate, which I highly recommend. It's already on all iphones) on my phone to wake me up every 2 hrs & it worked well but logging was too hard due to the complexity of my dreams combined with the pain from this damn zit. I feel like someone punched me in the face. Every time my alarm would go off I had to get up & take part of a pain pill & I wanted to be able to have more dreams so I chose not to log them all. These are the 2 I did log.


D1: One of the characters was from "Bates Motel" which I was watching season 3 before I went to bed. She was the Queen in this baby factory. I was in this big factory with assembly lines which were using the Queen like a Queen bee to colonize a civilization. I was babysitting some of the kids upstairs. It was really creepy.

D2: I was in this women's prison but it wasn't a normal prison. It actually was set up like a reoccurring dream I have of living w/ like age teenage girls. It wasn't that interesting but I became lucid & just wanted it to end because of what it represents. (I spent 2 years in a group home in my teens. I was in a similar environment at a Women's Domestic Violence shelter w/ my 3 oldest kids a crazy amount of times. Then yesterday I had to go back to the town where I was in the Girl's home as a teenager for 2 yrs which brought up a bunch of feelings... Yesterday we had to go to my sister n laws house in that town. My brother in law was just trying to make conversation & had no idea that I had extremely bad memories there. But it became a topic when I said I used to live there & we unfortunately were just 3 blocks away from where it used to be. The conversation was unexpected & I almost freaked out at the dinner table but I kept my head & dealt w/ it. Today I'm kind of in a funk over it all but that's okay.... This also was a sync of sorts due to the fact that I just found out recently that they moved the girls home & now I was back there for the first time in approximately 28 years.)


Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown