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Of One of Four Dolls

Morning of May 28, 2020. Thursday.

Dream #: 19,519-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min 30 sec.



My dream’s initial setting is a unique variation of our current home (with much of my waking-life identity viably modeled), but the focus is mainly on a distortion of the second house from ours. (That house has been empty for a long time in waking life.) Zsuzsanna and I are going to go and look at the inside of the house. I remember it is smaller than ours, but in my dream, it is unrealistically inadequate at first. However, in the final scenario, the setting is a mostly empty lounge room that is bigger than our lounge room.

When I am in the house in its lounge room (before it transitions to its larger size), I consider how the back room, as the house only seems to have two, has walls covered with an unusual dark material. It is somewhat like pairs of insect wings evenly and vertically covering all of the walls, additionally reminiscent of fish scales. It seems to be a result of the room being unused for so long, giving the impression of unsuitability for a potential tenant.

I eventually notice four dolls standing in a row. Each is about a foot high. I focus my attention on one that represents a girl wearing roller skates. This precursor to the vestibular-cerebral handshake (the fundamental waking process to alert the sleeping mind to comprehend physical awareness to move and rise from bed) exponentially vivifies my dream, as is usually the case, even when witnessed rather than inherited.

Although the doll can stand on its own, it seems to be somewhat rickety at first. There is a button below its chest that will activate it. When I press and rub it, the doll continues to quiver (which results in a vestibular-somatosensory-cerebral handshake, vivifying my dream to the next stage) but soon rolls away, moving in an arc.

My auditory cortex becomes active as the final dynamic of the cortical handshake. The doll vividly speaks in a young female voice as it circles the room. “Ooh, I am moving. Ooh, what’s that? Ooh, it’s a box.” The doll bumps into an empty cardboard box that matches its height, though immediately turns, rolls a short distance, and bumps into another one opposite the first.

---

I awake with a slightly shaky feeling from being overheated.

Most dream content (excluding liminal and enigmatic integration as well as modulation by my conscious self identity) is always a unique rendering of the same waking processes, simple as that, that is, imaginary compensation for the vestibular-cerebral handshake (and as here, additional somatosensory cortex and auditory cortex activity). Ever since I was a child, it has remained mind-boggling that I have rarely seen anyone comprehend this no matter how clearly it has been explained and validated thousands of times since I first wrote extensively about dreams at age eight.

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I will present here another rundown on this in my 5,100th Internet entry.

Dream content is fundamentally co-occurrent with the dream state. As explained many times before, “Similarly, he (Herbert Silberer) has shown that the conclusions of some dreams or some divisions in their content merely signify the dreamer’s own perception of his sleeping and waking…in persons who are gifted philosophically and accustomed to introspection it may become very evident.”

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It should be self-evident that the shaky doll was a simulacrum of my emerging awareness of my physicality that needed addressing. It was upright and on roller skates (in contrast to my concurrent physical status), with similarity to my “Annabelle” dreaming experience from March 4, 2020. In that instance, the doll was bigger. Additionally, I decided to wear roller skates to enjoy the vestibular experience.

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Now, some clarification to wrap it all up.

Why was the activation button below the doll’s chest? It was because of co-occurrence with my mild indigestion, where I typically press on or rub the same area for some relief.

Why was the doll on roller skates? This feature is the result of vestibular cortex activity that has not quite correlated with the emergence of my physical status during REM sleep (the same factor that causes sleep starts, in other words, the transition of atonia to myoclonus).

What is with the empty cardboard boxes? They are concurrent with the absence of full cortical integration, as virtual walls always are in the dream state, and ultimately with every other factor of liminal modulation. (For example, one person told me how he crashes through a wall to wake himself, though I often use a virtual door, and one of my more vivid early childhood dreams ended with a bull crashing through a wall. There is no need to pretend it “means” something else.)

What about the small room in the back with peculiar walls? I just explained what “walls” are, but the pairs of insect wings are more about a potential increase in neural energy. Their dormancy correlates with the absence of a cortical handshake and no anticipated myoclonus at that point.

Why was the doll female? I am more likely to associate a doll with feminine attributes, even though it is an analogy of how my body does not move while sleeping. However, I have not done the thousands of correlations needed to confirm that vestibular simulacrums are more often female than male.

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Morning of March 4, 2020. Wednesday.

Dream #: 19,434-02. Reading time: 1 min 24 sec.



My final passive lucid dreaming event (before I allow it to dissipate) in the first stage of my sleep cycle includes audio only (with no imagery or physicality): “I’ll stay with him until he dies.” (It is the preconscious cue closing the final gate to conscious awareness in entering deeper sleep. The first hour or so of every sleep cycle all my life has consisted of vivid lucid dreams of various types.) The unfamiliar voice is masculine but somewhat artificial as the formant is too high (though still coarse) to sound human.

Later, instinctual awareness of being asleep results in an unusual scene implied to be from a movie. It features a male high school principal’s corpse on the top shelf of a hall closet. It seems someone may have killed him. It is the rendering of a sleep simulacrum, which is a factor of every sleep cycle. He represents the cessation of cognizance and the lack of discernible physicality while asleep, though sleep simulacrums only stem from mortality analogies with emergence from a deeper sleep.

As an additional result of that process, a parallel analogy emerges into my dream’s imaginary narrative. The Annabelle doll appears in an undefined room. (The association is that physicality is not feasible while asleep, so I am like a doll.) However, it is not ugly (as in the movies). It is about the height of a six-year-old and has blood on the shoulders of its dress. There is another (unknown) male doll of about the same height. Throughout this scenario, there is only cheerfulness in my belief I am guiding the continuity of a movie. Even so, I instinctually anticipate somatosensory dynamics and pick up both dolls (which vivifies my dreaming experience), and I walk through the mostly featureless room.

As I carry the dolls, my instinctual awareness of imaginary proprioception increases, and as a result, I find an antique pair of roller skates (the kind without shoes). I put my feet on them, and as I am doing this, my dream becomes increasingly vivid. Eventually, after some realistic movement, my dream fades without discernible waking dynamics.

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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

At some place, playing with someone's toys and I see a gorgeous realistic doll. The owner says it is for sale and not very expensive, still it's 39€. For this type of collectible it is cheap, but still is 39€ for a doll, so I get really divided and can't decide to buy it.
Meanwhile, Riverstone comes along and he asks me for some money and I go to my wallet and have packs of money. I start taking all the bills out for counting and ask Riverstone to help. He starts counting and I need to go do something else but I more or less evaluate how much money that was from my week sales and it is quite a lot. I feel glad.

Dad invited for some event with VIPs. He takes me along. He joins a bunch of old white people who are down in the garden playing a kind of mini golf and Trump is among them. When it's Trump's turn, he does some weird trick and my dad is under the impression he cheated. But from my viewpoint I don't think so, so I tell him that. My dad gets upset that Trump might actually be a good player. Anyway, as I watch closely this group of old pathetic weirdos, all sucking up to trump, I just feel compassion for the poor fucks, including the Donald himself who simply looks like a clown unaware of his own ridiculousness.
Meanwhile they are being watched from afar by a group of younger people and I notice some dude staring at me and quite a few others also looking like wondering who am I and why I am among the old geezers. Then I get a big smack in the face. It's a girlfriend that just saw me there and is totally surprised to see me there. I wonder the same. She confesses she is around for something else and spotted me with that group and had to come and check.

Back home (childhood home), I am with my dad and my three cats. My mom has a friend and some family coming over for a dinner and she got drunk on some liquor. I ask the name of it, because I also try it and it is really tasty. When the family members leave, my mom goes out with her friend. My dad is at the bathroom and when he comes out he gets really scared at something. I heard a noise, but I see nothing strange. Then I see the front door completely open and ask if that's why he got scared. He says no, but also doesn't explain, just goes to get some tools to fix something. I close the door and immediately go check on my cats. One by one I find them deeply asleep in different rooms. I feel relieved.

Parking one of my cars at home (the farm), I notice something weird: my van is not a van, but a second small car. I go check and it is a flying car. I take it for a ride through the country. People walking below get scared but I am high enough not to be a danger. Then I slow down at the next village and an old neighbor who is walking his dogs makes several complaints. We discuss back and forth, but I tell him not to worry. If we conclude the car or my driving are dangerous, I will stop it. So the grumpy old man and I depart in good terms. Then his son comes along, arrogant, no respect for anyone and he wants to sue me. He carries on bragging about his properties and his rich inheritance as if it had anything to do with this situation.

Doing a Buddhist retreat, staying at some big hostel, several floors high. I find my room, I am tired and just wanna go to my bunk bed. I start dressing my pajama pants, but my neighbor from the bed below invites me to go to the cafeteria for a while. I have very little money that I can spend but I am definitely hungry., so I accept. She actually needed someone to talk to. She says she gave an interview to some media and she is afraid she might have said too much about our retreat. I tell her I always share just the basic and other things I refer to my teachers and if they need, they can ask them. She orders something to drink, I order some kind of yellow thin pancake, the cheapest thing in the menu and then some generous folks come buy with plates full of food, leftovers they want to share, toasts, pasta, sponge cake... I am so happy and don't want to look greedy but I immediately dive on these plates and eat from all of it.

Some guy who's into booze comes to find his drinking bottle grew and stretched into the sky like the bean stalk from the fairytale.

Some graphic news on tv about a lady haidresser and her boyfriend who became dogs serial killers, because supposedly she was going through difficulties and started eating dog meat and cooking it to sell to others. They show graphic footage of her cooking live puppies in a barbecue and cutting the neck of a grand danois.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Participating at some kind of triathlon competition and doing very well. I am quite ahead of some men who are favorite. But the tests range from swimming, escaping simulated war games to going to a studio and produce some works of art. I see others painting authentic masterpieces, but all very similar, as if they all came from the same art school. I don't have their talent so I draw a mandala and also make some kenpo fighter doll with materials available. My sensei is in the jury and he is both impressed and amused.

Was crawling inside a cave that was too small but I was fortunately enough to fit through it. As I got to the end of it I made it in to a library. The library was wide and had numerous people reading and talking quietly to each other. I became lucid when I left the cave to the library. I roam around and notice a group seeming to have a interesting conversation.

There was 3 people at the table one girl in a grey hoodie, one guy with a red t-shirt and I was not able to see the other person clearly. The two I could see were talking and I decided to interrupt them to ask questions. I eventually went to the back and notice I was holding a doll in my hands. A teacher came and told me that doll is too old now and that I should leave it on the ground.

I eventually lose lucidity at this point.

☆ A fox followed me around on a playground. It kind of scared me since it seemed to be magical. Kitsune.

☆ Had an animation project that I needed to do. I was really proud of my work and had even made a doll. Suddenly after been working so hard I found another doll on a table. It looked sad. I picked it up and looked around. The owner soon came out from the toilet and spoke to everyone in norweigen. I was the only one who did understand since I was the only one who could speak both english and swedish. So I translated it and she was sent home.

☆ There was a classreunion with my very old class. It was interesting to meet all the old students and to see what they have been up to.


☆ There was a king that wanted to have a child but all his wives died within a year so he was constantly getting married. Soon there wasn’t many options left and his latest wife asked me if I wanted to marry him. I told her that I would think about it. But first I needed to find out who tried to poison all the poor queens and why!

☆ I was being chased by a large hunter. He also had some weird creature as a hunting pet. They called me bunny and was desperatly trying to shoot me! They didn’t succeed! I hit the hunter in the head so many times he just fell to the floor and didn’t wake up. The weird hunting pet turned into a baby.

Morning of May 2, 2018. Wednesday.



My dream begins with the very common circadian rhythm correlation of the “something wrong with the sun” factor.

In late afternoon, I am in a distortion of my Cubitis home, on the east side of the living room, though it is implied as our present home. I become aware that the sun is becoming too hot for life to continue on Earth. Thus, this is a typical “end of the world” theme (though these are rarely nightmarish for me in the way described by other people), which has occurred on a regular basis for over fifty years. I perceive much of the solar system as being oriented above and beyond the house to the east, with the implication there is no detail rendered elsewhere (such as beyond the other side of the world or to the west). This is surreal, as there are vestibular dynamics where I seem to “fall” into outer space in a dream within a dream and then shift back into my original dream’s setting without waking or with any perceived concurrent threat or concern other than the prospect of the sun eventually becoming too hot. It is as if my dream self is subliminally testing the autosymbolic (vestibular) design of my dream before deciding to continue (even though I am not viably lucid).

I am aware that the sun’s heat will be increasing exponentially, and that in a few hours it will be about 6,400 degrees (or 80^2). A number of unknown people are present. Some of the others talk about surviving for a few additional hours. Apparently, they believe they can live for an extra hour or two, or longer, by staying in a building with an air conditioner that remains on. We all go out to find a safer location.

There is a surreal scene where I am temporarily inside an upright hollow rectangular prism. Someone else is near the top looking down at me, as I am looking up from within it. There is some sort of ambiguous association with it being a vehicle. It seems nighttime at this point, but soon switches back to afternoon.

While in an unfamiliar building on the third floor, I watch equidistant soap bubbles float by outside. I realize that this means aliens are present (subliminally influenced by comic book story I had not thought of at all in years). I consider that the aliens are here to save humanity, even though I only see the spaceship briefly in a dream within a dream. Some of the others suggest that we need to go underground, though we remain on the first floor for a time.

My dream becomes more vivid and I am now in a distortion of the Loomis Street house, near the back door. A doll walks in from outside. It is about a foot high. It does not talk but makes clicking and humming noises as if to analyze a person’s status. A teddy bear also walks in as well as a stuffed elephant (with a floral print) walking on its back legs. They are all the same height.

In the final moments prior to waking, I consider that the friendly and helphful aliens are very shy, so they sent in these devices to make first contact and to study people for a time before taking the human race to another planet to ensure survival.

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The “alien” association is caused by the transient dream self not being correlated with the conscious self identity while in REM sleep (as the non-lucid dream self has neither viable contact with the unconscious, such as consistent memory of personal history, or the conscious self identity as in waking life, though most people do not have the ability to realize this at all, hence belief in nonsensical forms of “interpretation”). This is not quite as common as more mundane RAS correlation factors. This is resolved by the introduction of the dream state indicators, teddy bear (first-level dream state indicator) and doll (autosymbolism for the physical body being inactive in sleep - more specifically, my subliminal awareness of Zsuzsanna also being asleep). An elephant, the last “toy” to enter the room, is autosymbolism for the waking alert factor in this case, due to how it “trumpets” (initiating the return to waking consciousness). Once my fictitious dream self subliminally accepts the dream state indicators, RAS modulation begins the waking process. Additionally, this is also a form of doorway waking symbolism, as the “toys” walk in through the back door from outside. (There is no personified preconscious factor as the “toys” hold this role.)

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Morning of September 9, 1966. Friday.



I am apparently on a spaceship, though there are no others around except for a couple of adult males who are talking near the end of a hall until they go around a corner (a common event in early childhood dreams). As I wander around, not being focused on much of anything, I see what I first think is a baby lying on the floor on its back, though partly covered with a ragged blanket. I soon consider that it is probably a plastic doll that someone dropped, but upon closer look, it is a heavy metallic statue of a man in a combat helmet, though unrealistically rendered somewhat as having a baby’s body proportions.

Later, a young girl with a lion shows me to the “front door” so I can go home. She is carrying the “statue”, which is now a ragged cloth doll with no apparent face, which is smaller than what this oddity had been minutes before. The “front door” turns out to be a semicircular ceiling (somewhat like the essence of a cave rather than a building or spaceship) that first seems to display outer space, though eventually I see the buildings of La Crosse and my apartment building. My dream fades from here.

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The night before (September 8, 1966), I had watched the first episode of “Star Trek” ever shown on television; “The Mantrap”; as well as the “Tarzan” episode “Eyes of the Lion”, which came directly before it on the same channel. This “Tarzan” episode (as well as movies like “The Lion” from 1962, which also featured a young girl with an adult male lion) had influenced a number of my dreams later on despite the fact I had confused it in my teenage years with “The Haunted Lighthouse”, an episode of “Lost in Space” that also featured a girl (Penny), a lion, a cave, and “going back home”, though that did not air until October 18, 1967. In the “Tarzan” episode, a young blind girl who lived in a cave used an adult lion as a seeing-eye animal. (I am still wary of lions in some dreams, depending on my level of unconsciousness in relationship to my dream state awareness level, as it is a natural factor of potential RAS modulation as the waking alert factor, and additionally as emergent consciousness coalescence, as a lion can swallow the dream self, though this coalescence factor has been re-symbolized as hugging in some dreams, by way of virtuous circle, as with “Changing the Lion of Coalescence into my Wife Zsuzsanna" from December 3, 2016).

I can easily see the autosymbolism of this dream. The soldier statue was implied as a RAS modulation precursor, as RAS is often aggressive if I subliminally decide that it is not time to wake yet. However, I eventually accepted consciousness reascension and there was no conflict. Learning the nature of the dream state at an early age was very beneficial, as nightmares or even “bad dreams” are extremely rare, other than when biologically premonitory.

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This online dream journal entry was reformatted from the source material, abridged, and clarified on Wednesday, 21 February 2018.

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D1 - I awake in a room where the light is just coming in through the window, dawn. I am being held by a small smiling child but his father and other mini hims (lol) are in the bed. And so I tell him to cuddle his father instead.
I go to find a toilet but when I get there I find it is all glass and there are some people sleeping just outside from the night before. They awake and are hostile as they are poor and think i am rich person living in this big house. They turn on all the water systems for a load of swimming pools. There is loud crashing roaring sound as water pours through pipes. People are starting to gather in the pools as I head back. I feel trapped by the sound. (I have learnt it is my fear of my emotions crashing out of control and escaping).
I am lost and don't know which way is back in the white corridors which have doors and lead through kitchens and things. I try to change the dream. But when I change it its no good as I don't believe the dream any more,
I know its a dream and it just all stops. The dc just looks at me, as if to say ok dream over.

D2 - I am looking through the eyes of a half human half doll with crazy hair, I am looking at the audience who are watching the show. I am expected to do the next show, but i am a fake even with the hair and costume. I feel a fraud and I cant carry it off.

D3 - At work I am in a study room with college students, I make jokes and then realise I am a teacher and shouldn't be there. I leave but am wearing the wrong clothes and have no idea where i should be teaching. I am embarrassed and scared.
next I am in some woods with a stream running through it. It is freezing and dark. A student is spending time doing a research project studying the fish.
I walk past and out onto a path lined with trees, overlooking a scrubby cut wheat field. There are children there and I feel embarrassed but cannot contain myself any long and start to sob uncontrollably.

Strangely on waking I feel a little better for having cried in my dream.

Dream
I'll probably summarise this as I wrote the entire thing a couple days ago and my computer crashed...
In a house with Josh, it's late at night and he's looking for something. We head down the hallway of the house which is unlit, the only light comes from the room we just left. There's 2 doors at the end of the hallway, he checks the one on the right and I check the left. The room I check is completely trashed. Wtf? "Josh! Get over here!" It looks like someone has broken in, wind is blowing the curtains around wildly from the open window. I see someone move in the hallway and expect it to be josh but he's moving away. Ffs. I close the door and decide to go get him and show him. I turn into the hallway and it's not Josh, it's a little girl.. Only, different.. She's got a back pack on and a doll hanging from her left hand. She's not facing me, and is isntead pacing slowly down the hall. "JOSHJOSHJOSHJOSHJOSHJOSHJOSHJOSHJOSH!!!!!" I wail rapidly in terror. She turns and smiles. But... She doesn't have a face. She's wearing a sack with buttons for eyes and a mock mouth illustrated by artistic sewing. It looks nightmarish. Josh rounds the corner from the lit room at the other end of the hallway, "Dude what the fuck?!" he says as he sees her. The little girl creepily walks off to the side and says "Oh well, looks like I won't have my fun.. tonight" an evil grin spreads across her face, is she going to kill us? She disappears into the darkness. What the... I wake up a bit shaken, I can't sleep for another 30 minutes or so, it was pretty freaky.

Preface:
Bed at midnight. Long day and long night. Skipped vitamins before bed; I was so tired I forgot about them.
I am noticing that my dream transitions are smoother. Dreams are turning into one really long dream, as opposed to many short ones.

DR1

I am walking down an alleyway with a couple of friends. It is evening time, and the color of the buildings is brown/goldish. It looks as if everything is being lit up by a torch, except, there is no torch in sight. I am with a girlfriend, and we are being accompanied by two guys. My girlfriend is talking a lot, explaining her new plan to "make" money. We arrive at a clearing in an alleyway. There is a table, with a machine on top if it. She has apparently found this machine, and this machine actually "makes" gold coins! The machine is made up of all types of contraptions that go all the way down the table and end with coins dropping into 4 five gallon (20liter) buckets that have somehow been screwed in under the table. You have to unscrew the buckets to get the product out. I actually watch liquid gold run through the contraption and I am amazed. I begin to think that this is dangerous, and ask more questions about how this came about. The guys unscrew the buckets from underneath the table. Wow, 4 big buckets of gold coins!

And then, through conversation, I find out that people are after that machine! A dangerous gang of thugs is lurking in the background and they ambush us. Our guy friends manage to take two buckets of coins to safety, but the thugs take two. My friend hides a little stash under some old clothes on the table, and nobody bothers to look there. We all run around a corner, and I find the doorway of a building. I open it, we go in and close/lock the door behind us. Its a sturdy building door so nobody can come in. Has a hospital feel to it, except for the building has warm colors on a darker scheme (brown, gold, oranges, dim lighting); it's not white like a medical facility. We start to try to figure out what to do, but we are confused and panicked.

The gang stops trying to get in and they disappear. We start to look around the lobby and offices, which seem like lived-in hotel rooms. We try to get some rest and figure out what to do next. Our guy friends have managed to run off with the gold buckets, so its just me, my girlfriend and no gold.

I start to wander into one of the rooms, because I hear a noise. My friend says, "don't go down that hall- I think it used to be a psyche (psychiatric) ward". I wander into a room down the hall anyway, out of curiosity. When I open the door, there is a little girl with glasses standing in front of her bed. The room looks normal, only I am seeing everything in grey/blue scale. A weird blue light is cast over everything. She speaks to me, and calls me a name that I don't recognize. She tells me I'm from Texas, but I have a Louisiana spirit.
I tell her she's mistaken, that "<name>" isn't my name. She picks up a doll, smells it and looks up at me. At that moment, her eyes become completely black and she turns into a small dwarf man/monster. In a demon-like voice he says, "That's right! your name is <my name>". I panic with fear, and he starts to grow taller- really tall. I think part of me realizes this is a dream, but I don't wake up. I feel like its a threat that can be contained within the room. I say to myself, "oh, no no..this is not why I came" and I walk out of the room and shut the door. When I close the door, my fear is gone and I return to the room where my friend is waiting.

All of a sudden, the thugs are back, trying to get into the door. They tell us to open the door and give us the gold, because they have our kids. We begin to panic and we try to negotiate. We don't have the gold so we are freaking out. They end up taking one of the older kids, and I don't know what to do. We can see the alleyway from the small window in the door. There is a fence (?) on the left border. They throw the kid over the fence and we just begin freaking out. I am standing there crying uncontrollably for a solid couple of minutes because I don't know what to do.

My friend and I then realize that we have been in the thugs' hiding place the whole time. We can see a car in the street, so we begin looking for the keys. We are also thinking that we can still get the remainder of the gold from the table, to get kids back.
As this thought comes to mind, my dream shifts to third person and I am floating over the table. The clothes are removed from the hidden stash before me. I can see that my friend has placed coins in a bunch of little gift boxes for the poor.

I shift out of third person, because I am looking for keys inside the facility. In some attempt at a trade, the thugs have given us pieces of wood instead of car keys. I realize that the keys must be inside the facility somewhere. I search the lobby and find the keys on the shelf. I tell my friend we have to go.

We open the door and we run. We get into the car- and my dream shifts into third person. The car has been painted this metallic purple, and its all tricked out. I feel myself get into the car, but my when my vision shifts, I can only see her face and one part of the car...I can't recall seeing myself even though I know I got in.


Notes:
Lots of obvious dream symbols that I won't bother to list. However, weird notes include:
-Two dreams in a row where two seemingly innocent people have morphed into harmful beings. (On 07/13 the homeless boy, and last night the little girl with glasses)
- Why she smells the doll to recognize me is so odd. I have a very keen sense of smell IRL, though.
-Gifts for the poor
-Purple car
- kidnapping
- poor is also a theme for 2 nights in a row. (gifts for the poor and the homeless man)

Non-lucid
I'm at my house, with a tiny man who was carved out of a carrot. He reminds me of an "elf on the shelf" doll, except he's much smaller. He can fit in my palm.
I'm sitting at the kitchen table, watching videos on the laptop of strange creatures attacking people. For some reason, Carrot Man is in all of these videos.
I start to gnaw on Carrot Man, then realize my lower teeth hurt. I touch them, and they wiggle and hurt.
I look outside the big windows in the kitchen to see the entire backyard has flooded with light red water. Dad walks in, and looks out the window and sighs, obviously irritated. "It's flooded... I've never seen the creek up so high. It comes all the way up to our house!"
"I hope Cali is somewhere far away from this."
"I have no doubt she is." He walks away. I continue watching my videos for a little while with Carrot Man, until Mom walks in with groceries. I walk over to her to help.
Then, I wake up.

I wake up and find a roach running around on top of my blanket. I tried to catch it with my hands but it was too evasive for me. I eventually got off from the bed and turn on the lights. I then track the roach with my eyes in till he had went under the blanket again. It was difficult to see again, that's when I realize the lights had went out again. I turn them on again but quickly they turn off. I could now see the light in the bathroom was on, could be my father I thought.

Though that didn't make much sense, that's when I look at my hands to see my fingers were bend over and crooked. I became lucid and said I was in waking life a couple of minutes ago. When did I go unconscious? I enter the living room to the kitchen. Not too long I notice how short I was compare to the usual objects inside the kitchen. I must've been the size of a rat.

I still had hands despite the height and had no trouble opening the now large back door. It was night but didn't appear to look like a sky at all. I could see a lot of dark voids roaming around the area. There's a lot now I said to myself, barely any room for dream activity. I manage to get to one of the dream scenes by running up the usual hill I take. Running on the grass with my feet felt like running on a mouse pad.

I also confirm that I usually don't have shoes on when lucid. I saw a few houses boarding near the voids. I made my way pass a backyard and over to a road. I could see a garage door wide open with a light beaming down from above. That's when I notice someone had been standing behind me. It look like a doll of some human, they appear as if they couldn't move. That is when I wake up and attempted to write down my experience. But it was very difficult to do so. I then wake up again. Lucidity Time: 4 minutes

Fight - 1

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

It looks like I am kind of an agent/spy, a very well trained one. I am on a mission of protection some Persian Sheik's son.
I have to bring him somewhere. We go through the backdoor of a shop but as were about to leave the shop something explodes and I get thrown out of the shop by the force of the explosion. The whole store is on fire and there is no way the kid survived.
Years later I am eating in a restaurant when the windows bursts and someone starts shooting at the people in the restaurant.
I find myself hiding in the kitchen together with Justing Long (actor from Die Hard 4), but he tells me he can't do this, start running but instantly gets shot. I follow him and look through the shattered store front. I see the shabby street, gray and full with trash. On the other side I can spot a balkony, connected to the street with a ladder. I wanna look away but I see a person climbing down that ladder, obviously in a hurry. Thats my guy I think and start chasing him. He has his back to me and doesn't seem to be running away. As I am following me he starts talking. He tells me the name of the man he just shot and everything else. Then he goes on telling me about a 15 year old, left in the flames, scared and without hope. I realize he must be talking about the persian boy in the explosion and as soon I finish that thought he turns arround. He looks normal with a scruffy beard and short hair. But on his neck he has some metal attachements I don't understand. Also his ears are covered in with a metal ball. He takes them off and reveales some earphones. But not the metal creeps me out, but when I look at his bare chest I see stripes of skin missing forming the word Fight, Far or Flare. The "camera" zooms in and I see a short video sequence with smoke and the title Fight - 1. It looks like an intro to a wrestling match. I look at his face again and see he also has 3 missing stripes of skin on his cheeks.
(The dream jumps to another scene which repeats itself randomly a couple of times in the course of the dream)
I am at a playground where a little boy plays in the sand. He yells mommy, but I just know that his mom isn't alive anymore. He shouts mommy again. I look to my right when a centrifugal begins to turn. I hear a little girl screaming from the top off her lungs: "She's my mommy!", in the creepiest voice I've ever heard! The centrifugal keeps spinning and reveals the little girls face. I look at her and see a gruesome dolls face with a mad grin and blood-shot eyes staring at me. She repeats, It is my mommy and the scene jumps to the story with the boy again.
I find myself in a little shed together with Olivia Wilde. It seems we have to pass some sort of trial without water or food. It is insanely hot and soon the persian now man comes in with wraps and coke but doesn't give any to us.
The persepective switches into 3rd person and I can now see where we are. It is definitely a jungle but it is completely artificial. The river is tiled and the water looks more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. The persian boy must have used his wealth to create his own paradise and now needs to trained agents to do something for him.
I am at the playground again and everything happens exactly like the first time, besides I am closer to the doll now. As she turns all I want to attack and leap at her. I expect to tackle her, but just jump right through her and wake up..

Morning of July 28, 2014. Monday.



I am in an undefined indoor location in my dream but with somewhat of a sense of being in the Barolin Street house (where we moved from in the beginning of 2008), though there is also a lesser awareness of the Gellibrand Street apartment in Clayfield (our first home together). Zsuzsanna is present in some scenes.

My attention is on a plastic doll of 18 inches of the generic kind that represents a female toddler in standing position, dressed in 1890s fashion. Apparently, I had gotten this doll in the mail recently. I notice a number of signatures of former schoolmates and friends, most written in either blue or black ink. The handwriting is mostly on the lower arms, hands, and legs of the doll.

Wrapped sparsely around parts of the doll is at least a four-foot length of sections of retied “wire”. Though it looks like barbed wire, it may be craft sinew. There are only a few twists around each limb and a few around the body. The “wire” firstly seems soft even at the junctures of the knots.

There is also a small booklet that is tied on with a small thin ribbon around the neck, which seems to hold a series of messages from different people over time and intended for anyone that temporarily has the doll before they mail it to someone else, the tone of the writing somewhat like that found in a typical school yearbook.

The doll also apparently serves as a fancy friendship book (FB), which is sent from person to person for each to add their contact details. (This was common practice for penpals, though some of whom annoyingly and intentionally collected the booklets and foldables of various themes, styles, and materials instead of passing them on). I am not sure who to send it to. I read a message from Toby, my best friend from school. He talks about what a good idea this “friendship book” is.

Later, there is a second doll, seemingly of which has not passed via as many people. The second one has sharp and thick barbed wire around it in a few areas of the limbs and body as well as a small part of the head. A length of it is disentangled and somewhat loose.

I consider sending both of the “friendship books” on their way, but I feel a bit uncertain because of the potential harm the projecting barbed wire (on the second doll) may present for those I send it to (or anyone handling the package itself assuming it is wrapped in paper rather than being sent in a box). I test the possible danger by moving my hand against the wire to make sure it is flatter and not of a potential to accidentally cut someone, but I soon come to believe that it would not be a good idea to mail either doll.

My dream starts to lose cohesion. When I look at the second doll again, it has transformed into a flat cardboard cut-out doll of the same frontal appearance. It begins to separate into sections and copies of those same sections, relating to a potential to then rebuild it, even the nose then needing to fit into the face of which has a cut-out circle where the nose cut-out would fit into, as well as a redundant additional full face cut-out. Eventually, the aspects of my dream change to where the transformed doll is apparently now a paper tole or 3D decoupage project. The “barbed wire” seems no longer present or relevant. I am not sure how to proceed, as it now seems a more time-consuming task to meet the responsibility of passing on the school reunion addresses, messages, and signatures.

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One layer of my dream was an incidental distortion of “wiring someone” as in sending them a message. However, barbed wire is associated with a fence and a fence typically represents a division between dreaming and waking (especially the higher preconscious level). Additionally, a doll typically symbolizes the status of being asleep and inactive while in the dream state and thus is not usually a symbol of real life relevance. I consider this dream important with respect to that understanding as it also redundantly validates a doll as of a specific level of unconsciousness due to the parallel symbolism of being “of a fence” (liminal space divider) as well as how being unconscious limits the movement of the physical body. There is an additional revelatory feature of the friendship book element regarding the transpersonal nature of the preconscious (closer to the collective unconscious than either the dream self or conscious self identity, relating to both static and dynamic influences from other people, though depending on the personal will of the individual).

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It was my dream self’s focus of intent that transformed the doll into flat cardboard and thus changed the original nature of my dream. Recall that I was deliberately checking to make sure the wire was not sharply protruding outward, so this was non-lucid dream control, not lucidity as I was unaware that I was dreaming in this case.

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Revised, clarified, and simplified for the casual reader on Sunday, 22 October 2017.

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