This dream took place in my childhood home. People from the government were in my living room and I had some trash I needed to discard. In an attempt to toss it in the trash, I accidentally threw it at one of the government workers, a shorter blonde woman. Immediately, she turned around and said she was going to kill me. I asked her if it was because I was trans and if she really thought I was evil and she said yes to both. Cut to me in a black van with her and another blonde-haired stockier white woman. I saw them driving towards a lake and that's approximately when I realized they were trying to drown me by driving in there. They got out of the car and swam up to the surface, failing to lock the car doors so that I could drown properly. In attempting to leave the lake, I was grabbed by the arm. In another part of the dream I was being treated without humanity. Several people entered my room, escorted by one of the government agents, with the intent to rent it out. This I believe is inspired by the fact that at one point when I was still living in Sacramento, A family was invited by the landlord into our house while we were still living there with the interest in purchasing it. Most of the people called me He and treated me as an animal that was simply inhabiting the room they intended on living in. I tried hiding my face with my phone so as to perhaps avoid being clocked as trans, but I suppose by then the mass dehumanization of trans people had already happened. My first thought was "what the fuck? How am I gonna make music and art or have privacy? This is deliberate psychological torture". Most of the potential renters left and the person who remained was a white dude with pink hair and a scraggly, brown beard. He still treated me like a subhuman creature, but he gave me attention and a degree of dignity despite still misgendering me and let me snuggle up to him while he was in a chair. I begged him to not let them know too much about me as by this point I had already confided in him far too much. He said he could try but he seemed incredibly hesitant, perhaps a queer person trying in vain to appeal to the regime. I became desperate and tried putting my arms around him and right as I was about to close in, my eyes opened and I immediately woke up at 5:30am to my empty room in the bay area that I reside in now. While this dream is an encapsulated snapshot of my current issues, such as my anxiety about trans genocide and fascism, my attachment and trust issues, and my trauma surrounding being poor and abused by capitalism, it was also, in retrospect, kinda fucking hilarious in a lot of other ways. Like dude at least lock the car like what the fuck. Who taught you how to kill trannies? All in all, reflecting on this dream makes me feel more hopeful about the future and reminds me of the fact that while I definitely know we're gonna suffer, the american empire will absolutely collapse in my lifetime, even if they get me in a year. An empire collapses every 250 years.
10th The Taken They depart, giggling and glowing like the spring. To the base of the mountain they fly to meet virtual dreams in real life. They vanish. KayJi's phone tells that she is six hours to the north. A flood of panic. A cry to deaf police. Where to begin to find the lost before their end?
The 9th Singer Settle into the safety of bed. A stranger face slips through the curtains of my window. His break and enter lullaby does not send me to sleep. Still, I let him sing. Hypnagogic -Too many cars crammed in a driveway -A sea of cheerleaders -A solitary small child runs down a dark snowy street -"Don't you know?" someone asked. I turned to see who -To someone familiar of face I say, "I know you from waking life." One lucid dream to be added later.
i'm not having lucid dreams dispite doing multiple reality checks and i've tried incubating my dreams and that doesnt work either
I'm discussing the commute of a work colleague who recently left the firm. We're discovering it was much longer than we had initially been told. I was imagining him driving for all that time, sitting in traffic for hours every day. What would that be like. Jean is showing me footage of the Police, pointing out how cool it was that the audio synced up with the video during the drum solo. I'm at someone's house, a friend of J's. There's a large collection of video games, specifically N64 games, but many of them are mods of Super Mario 64 (like ones people have made online of the game, but in physical game form, with pictures on the cartridges). There is an argument between J and this unknown friend. There is a woman here at some point (combo of Jam & Am) who identifies my bracelet as some form of awareness for something, and we join hands, intertwining fingers. It is a charged clasp, with feelings mounting. Matriarch turns up and comments on the clasp, saying we are playing a dangerous game... An upstairs bar, a combo of lodge room, Barney's, and that one in Bellingham. An event took place and we are leaving. A growing feeling of distrust for J, but still going through life together.
I'm visiting the Pioli's farm house in Snohomish. But it is now a vast landscape with rolling fields of green and many ponds. It's extremely well kept and exceptionally beautiful. It is bright and sunny outside, beautiful to the point of being surreal. There may have been horses or other animals present. What a scene, like looking into a moving, elegant painting. This was a pleasant dream with very warm feelings.
I'm heading down a gravel road on foot to Ty's house. It's for his birthday party. The house is unfamiliar. People are sitting around the kitchen isle as ambient music is playing. It is eerily quiet for a party. I'm climbing up the side of a high cliff, with no gear. An old school friend is flailed off when Kai lets him loose (maybe pushed?) near the top, and he splatters on the hard ground below. The body is twitching. It's a more gruesome scene than I'm used to seeing in my dreams. I note here that in my dream, my uncertainty of whether he was pushed off the cliff or not is quite prominent. I did not know what really happened, and that fact is very memorable and seems to be of some importance. There is some discussion of student loans, navigating a classroom, trying out different doors...
A half demolished home. An Ordway-type figure dances amongst the rubble. Matriarch questions why I care about her dancing, I say she's beautiful.. Melody P comes to the door as I'm lying there in the half demolished home. She's looking for matriarch. I lie back down, relishing the last few moments before the home is completely gone. My vacating there is a combination of recently leaving my South Pasadena apartment, and the destruction of my old family home. 10 years apart but one and the same, in this moment. A second scenario. I'm in a cubicle farm, many people clogged together. It's dusk, remnants of sunset still linger. There is talk of some UFO or weaponry overhead in the night sky, but the talk is light. In a different room, a terminal emulator is portrayed on a large projector screen. It doesn't at first register to me that it's the same one we use at work, and because of that I find it more interesting and modern. Then I realize it's the same and the fascination fades.
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