dream fragment

These are dreams from before I joined. I have several that I can remember somewhat clearly, so here goes...

-The earliest one I can remember is from back when i was a little kid. I had woken up and went into my grandmothers hallway, where I asked my grandfather to cook me some eggs and toast. After I was done I went back to sleep and had a dream. The elements from the dream I can remember is Winnie the Pooh, two gamer-nerds trying to program a game and ending up getting sucked into the dream, extremly surreal backgrounds, and Winne being hunted down by the CIA. Yeah...

-The one I remember the most (and the one I have the most fun telling people) does not involve me at all. It's about an elderly foreign couple. The women is driving a car down the road, talking with her husband. She tells him when they get home she'll have a surprise for him. However, she loses control of the car, crashes into an abondoned house (which is right next to their home), and the car explodes in a giant fireball. The husbands skeleton slides out of the rubble, then his wives, although the wive still has her head attached and can function pretty well. She picks up her husbands remains, and drags him into their home, into the kitchen, and sets him down. She takes a can of Coke out the fridge, and reads the nutrition label to him, reading for the first time in English.

-This one is part of three that I had in one night, along with the above and below dreams. I am standing on the side of the road, and I hail a cab. As the cabbie is driving, I look outside and see everything the way you would see it in a GTA game. Howvere, when we get to my apartment, the cabbie literally kicks me out of the cab, along with a leprauchan who had just randomly appeared. I go into the apartment, and I see a friend of mines in real life, apparently in the dream we were roomates. I sit on the couch and we watch old Godzilla movies.

-This one's real short. You know those tube things in McDonalds where all the little kids climb around. Yeah, I went into one of those. About half-way through, I realize the tube is getting too narrow, so i try to turn around and go back, but the way the tube is, i can't turn, so I'm stuck in the tube.

-I have a female friend who keeps popping up in my dreams, because, well, I'm sorta close to her, and whenever she shows up in my dreams I get really calm and serene. So, I'm at the University of Louisiana campus, in the bandroom (I play Tuba in marching at my high school). I go into the instrument storage room, and I see my friend, (Her name is Taylor.). We are both happy to see each other, and she puts her hand high in the air for a high-five. I miss miserably, and she slaps me on the wrist. We talk about random things for a while, I mention something about webcomics, and she gives me this really long lecture (chalkboard and all), about webcomics, with her own little personal ackey by her side.

-This happenned to me Thursday. I'm in the passenger seat of a car, and although there's no one in the drivers seat, the car is driving itself. We keep going straight until we hit a car head on, and although I nor the car have a scratch, the other car is sent flying backwords and lands upside down on the side of the road. I start to worry for the guy in the car, so I stop my car from driving (don't ask how), and I get out. I stopped right next to some kids birthday party. I go around looking for a way to get tot the wreck, when the kids mom comes to me and says "Take the back gate, it's quicker". I see the gate and i go through it. On the way I notice a friend of mine named Daxx (yes that is his real name), reading a book. Eventually I make it to the wreck, although they've already taken the kid to the hospitol. Cut to me in the hospitol with the kid, whose not really that old, probably 11. He's paralyzed from the waist down, but after I get to know him, he's actually a cool kid. While we're playing a nice little game of checkers, his dad storms into the room, furious at me. He yells "YOU RUINED MY SONS LIFE!" and slits my throat. Me=Dead.

-This is another one with Taylor. We're on a bus with a kid I got to know in school, who has a reputation for being a huge troll. She and my other friend have never met in real life. Somehow we end up losing him on the bus. Both me and her start to look around for him, until I tell her I know exactly where is. She freaks out and ask me why I didn't let her know, I just tell her not to get mad. She immediatly calms down and gives me a hug.

-This is the last one I'll put, it also involves Taylor. I'm ina apublic park, playing guitar and singing (White Wedding by Billy Idol I believe). Everyone starts to leave except her, who just smiles and gives me a hug. (I just like hugs, they're nice).

I was awoken by my friend needing a ride to work, so I didn't get to remember and record this dream properly, but as I thought over it, I could actually remember quite a bit fairly clearly. That has since faded, so I'll do my best.

I was at a beach in Croatia with my family. The beach itself wasn't actually very Croatian from my experience - it was sandy and the water was only a little cold, instead of rocky and very cold. Otherwise, the environment was nearly a perfect replica of what I can remember from being there. There was a very wooded island that rose high out of the water, so I decided to swim out to it. I worked my way out there, and began swimming around the island itself, just admiring the scenery. I passed into the island's shadow, and when I came around the other side, it was sunset already, and there was a beach immediately on the other side, actually joined to the island. It led onto the mainland, where my family was already getting out of the water. By the time I got to them, our tour guide (whom I was unaware we had) was there, in a topless bathing suit. There was a restaurant right there on the beach (which was still sandy), and we went inside and I woke up.

I had the fragments of another dream before this when I woke up, but my friend needed this ride urgently, and I didn't have time to write it down. I also remembered more from the beginning of this dream. I do remember that the scenery was incredibly beautiful, which is what I remember of my actual visit to Croatia.

Dream - Lucid

I was at some weird amusement park. I’m not sure what was going on, it was kind of videogame-esque. I remember seeing characters climbing these ladders to get to the top of something. Some of them kept falling, but would catch a ladder before they hit the ground.

I also remember some type of indoor roller coaster. We were trying to get to a part of the coaster that they were going to use, but decided not to. I knew it was probably a dead end, but we tried anyway. We opened up this passageway that looked like a mouth, and we were going into a throat. We rode the coaster to the end. Sure enough, at the end there was another mouth, but not more tracks. We had reached a dead end. I was wondering how we would get back. I remember the whole time a female voice was guiding the process and making suggestions.

The last thing I remember is watching the roller coaster car exit through the water through a tunnel topped with a flock of cartoon vultures. Their talons formed the tunnel.

~

I remember a dream about band camp. I remember being outside. Then something about Ryan and I talking about getting married.

~

I was watching myself in 3rd person, but it didn’t look like me. I, however, knew it was me. It was almost like a movie. I was taller with long, black hair. Some of it was pulled back. I was wearing a green dress that reminded me of the 50’s. I was pregnant with Ryan’s baby. Someone was measuring my stomach. I seemed happy. I thought that I had quit smoking by now since I was so far along. The belly looked almost like there was a pillow under my dress.
I then remember going to a gym to work out. I was self-conscious about myself, since I was pregnant. I saw my exposed belly, because I was wearing a sports bra (all of this is still in 3rd person) as I got on a treadmill. Then, I noticed the lady next to me was pregnant too. She had a lot of zig-zagged scars on her belly though. I then knew that she had had a lot of abortions, and the scars were from that.

Then, I was back in 1st person and myself again. I was with Ryan, overlooking what was supposed to be my grandparents’ house. It was overlooking a lake. There was also a walkway from the house that went out into the lake; it looked like it was made out of random floating objects. I recalled a story to Ryan about how my grandparents liked to go out and sit at the end of the walkway, but my grandma had gotten so old, that she couldn’t walk out there anymore, and my grandpa had to carry her. I was very sad as I recalled this, and I cried.

~

I was lying in Ryan’s bed. It was morning. I knew I was dreaming, and started to feel myself leave my body, as if I was having an OBE almost. I opened my eyes, and my vision was super distorted; one of my eyes was seeing one perspective and the other eye was seeing something else. It was like…one of my eyes was seeing out of my real eye, and the other out of a dream eye. Holy crap it was weird. That kept happening over and over again. I kept going back “in” my body, and feeling sleep paralysis overcome me, and I would “re-enter” the dream (even though I was already dreaming). I’d get up, and my vision was always distorted. I kept trying to fix it by saying to myself “Detach to your dream body, detach to your dream body…”, but I couldn’t fix my vision.

Then, I remember getting up again in this strange state, with my vision all distorted. I could see my nose at the end of my face, but when I lifted my hands into my field of effed-up vision, I couldn’t see them at all. I did this again at some point soon after this, and tried to poke my finger through my hand. This is where things get real trippy. I saw two sets of my hands; one that looked solid that my finger wouldn’t go through, and then another almost out to the side that was transparent, that my finger would go through. Then, I saw that second set of hands again in a black space. They were merely outlines of hands filled with tiny blue dots. I thought that this was something astral, but I wasn’t sure. The whole thing was very strange.

Then, I remember getting up again, and worrying that I was acting out everything that I was dreaming. Ryan would think I was absolutely crazy. I worried about that for awhile. Then, I remember getting up and Ryan being awake. He pointed to a spot on the bed that looked like poo. He told me I did that. I said really? I did? And he said no, he was just kidding. O_O

Then, I remember being in my strange lucid/whatever the fuck kind of state I was in again. I was trying to leave my “real” body to enter my dream body again. I remember Dr. D, my data analysis teacher being there. I was trying to show her and some other people that I was lucid, that it was a dream, and I could do some really crazy things. I started to phase myself through tons of different surfaces; I remember one being chain-link fence. It felt weird to phase through that. The surfaces appeared one after the other after the other.

I then remember getting a grade sheet back from Dr. D about what I did. There were two grades on there: An A and a B. Next to the A she wrote something about how great of a teacher I was. The B didn’t say anything next to it, but I think it was my grade on how I was phasing through all that stuff.

The weird thing is, I knew I was dreaming in the dream, but I didn't know I was dreaming that I was dreaming...does that make sense? I have no idea what to make of that; I was lucid, but it was a weird state of lucidity. o_O

This was mostly a dream fragment. I barely remember it having something to do with a village on a mountain. In the center there was small fountain and a few old looking wooden buildings around it. The village itself had very few people in it and they were all born and raised in the village. It cuts to a part where I am in a car heading up some dirt path when it encounters a prison-like area. I enter the prison and find that it is under construction then immediately leave. After I walk out, the entire place changes to that of a street fair. There were all these tents set up selling food and goods. I can't recall anything after this, but I have the feeling that I also dreamed about space ships and battles along with a futuristic city.

*Sigh* Not remembering my dreams is starting to bother me. I've tried my best to remember what I dreamed about in the morning and write it down, but it's not much different than what I have right now. Perhaps I will have a better night tonight. P:

4/15/11

I went to work and realized I wasn't scheduled that day because I had asked off, so I was going to leave but my manager said he needed a few things from walmart, flour and some kind of cooking oil and something else. I volunteer to go and I start walking to walmart from my job. On the way there, as I'm walking through some baseball diamond, a car starts to follow me. It is an old man and he's checking me out. I get disgusted and he calls out to me. I approached the car, call him a perv and tell him to fuck off.

Then I'm at walmart and walking around, I run into Q, a girl I used to go to school with and work with, and at first we just walk by eachother, but I turn around and jokingly hand her a huge purse that has a bunch of little purses in it, and I ask her if she needs one. She seemed a bit serious, but not rude, and then a couple people came up beside her and somehow I got the impression that they were only in my town for some college event.

Anyway, I go back to my work and realize I completely forgot the items my boss wanted. I try to sneak out without him seeing me and go back to walmart, but he finds me. He just laughs it off and I get ready to go back heading to my car this time. My car is parked in a driveway that sort of sat up on a hill. There's a jeep parked behind me, a car in front of me and another car behind the jeep. As I'm trying to wriggle out, I bump the jeep behind me and it starts to fall off the side, somehow I get out of my car quickly and grab the jeep before it falls. Some people saw me do this from below.

Then another fragment, I think was still the same dream. These two guys are talking to me and one of them is some sort of professional swimmer. The other one is telling me that the swimmer needs help practicing and someone to swim with him. The idea of swimming seems really fun so I tell him I'd totally do it. Then he tells me that they want to go to the ocean, and I change my mind, telling them I don't swim in the ocean.

Next thing I remember is being at my house, in my kitchen, with T and my son in the living room. I'm feeling indecisive about going to the Led Zeppelin Experience with my friend. (Which is what I was planning on doing the next day in WL, it was an alright concert...) I let too much time pass and am late to heading to the concert, my friend calls me and I tell her that I'm not coming, she's upset.

Then this guy I used to work with is making my son some baby food. He hands me a bowl with mini potatoes and sour cream. The potatoes were like cereal size, like those little cookie cereals, only potatoes. I remember thinking it was cute.

I did become lucid at one point in this dream, but quickly lost it. I think it was when I was sitting in the kitchen, at the end of my counter. I could see T in one eye and saw something like a cup hovering in my vision in the other eye. I told T that I was stuck in between reality and a dream.

4/16/11

T's mom drunk dials me and starts talking gibberish. Then T calls me from his work cause he's bored and talks to me for like 15 minutes, and I remember thinking that he should probably get back to work.

Then me and T are on a bed and there's this computer scene to our right that has an image of a sky and then it turns into a window and we're upon a hill looking out over a beautiful scene of a lake and sky and I just remember looking at it and feeling so good. T also enjoyed it in the dream. Felt happy...

I remember very little about this one, simply that it was Kingdom Hearts related. Probably because I'd beaten Kingdom Hearts 2 at my friend's house the night I had the dream.

I can't remember this one too clearly. I didn't sleep all that well.

There was some sort of fighting game - it was like a cross between Super Smash Bros. and Marvel vs. Capcom. I was seeing it as if I was in the game itself, and I can't remember if I was actually playing it myself or if I was only watching.

The first match I remember was Sentinel vs. some other random person, and Sentinel won. The next one was Captain Falcon vs. Yoshi on a beach level of some sort. Before the fight could start, some special condition started where Yoshi became stuck in an egg, and there was a sort of shelf out on the water with more eggs on it. Some were hatched, some weren't, and some spots were just empty. The condition had something to do with -teenth numbers (nineteenth, seventeenth, etc.).

I don't remember any more of this dream, because I woke up shortly after this part.

There was a man with very dark blue skin that had what looked like a gold grid overlaying his skin.
As I stood there looking at him, I felt something was VERY wrong, like something was going to happen to him.
I yelled out "NO!!" in my "God-voice" but already he had fallen down dead, hit by something too fast for me to perceive.
As soon as he hit the ground, asteroids and meteors started falling to Earth, and earthquakes began shaking the planet.

Notes: 'Warning' and 'UKJp' stemmed from my hobbies, mainly being involved with fanfic in fandom, both English and Japanese.

I recorded all these with my iPod Touch by hooking up my earbuds, opening the voice recorder app and just clicking the record button whenever I woke up with a dream! It worked beautifully. Before, I was struggling with getting anything more than keywords down so this is an exciting breakthrough.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

04.16.2011

Warning (Non-lucid)

Mom was about to read a fanfic. There was a column of something online, but later there were three. There were warnings on the link titles at the top of the columns, you had to hover to read them. It wouldn't show them though, it would just show the title of the link. So I went into the source code to find it but it was all in Japanese. I found the line of English, and it had a word with a colon plus the warnings. It said that the story had scat, though I remember thinking that it wasn't quite that. I tried to warn her but she got angry at me. It was like the dreams where we fight or she's crazy. I cried but she didn't care. Honestly I just wanted to help, I didn't mean anything by it. I think this somehow involved my sister, like mom was looking over this for her.

Beach Contest (Non-lucid)

Me, my sister and my aunt were going to the beach for some kind of challenge that was going on. When we went we were worried that it wasn't actually going on then but what we saw when we got there reassured us. Even though I think it had something to do with there being more people, there actually wasn't that many there.

We're walking along the beach and there's feces on the ground. I think I point it out. My aunt starts running ahead and me and my sister run after. I try to avoid the feces but my sister doesn't at first. There's a dog running ahead of us, probably the one making the mess, and I get the feeling it's ours. It was a light brown and reminds me of a mini Cerberus from Eyeshield 21. XD We kind of halfheartedly call out after it.

I know at some point we go to a picnic table. My aunt gets up on the bench to the right and starts dancing. I get up on the top and notice some type of canopy overhead. I decide to leave the spot for my sister, though I worry how she'll stand without hitting her head. I go to the left bench to dance.

There are peanut butter M&Ms, but I point out to my aunt how weirdly shaped they are. They were big and kind of mutated. I think there was another kind of candy and we were trading, or she reached over and ate a piece of mine.

At some point there were these guys, part of the contest and against us, I remember seeing them in the water. I was shy but my sister went up to talk to them. Apparently there was this gum stuff keeping us together and it came off. I was shocked and swam really fast after her, though I hesitated for a second because in RL I can't swim and the water there seemed deep. But I had no trouble in the dream. My aunt was somewhere behind us. I remember the gum stuff got stuck to somebody's leg and I didn't want to pull it off because it'd hurt.

I was able to see myself, at least my face, as if from the sky. My hair was shorter, maybe a bit over my shoulders. It was dry from having been wet, and had my blond streak in it. I think I looked younger.

UKJp (Non-lucid)

England x China, fanfic chapters 1, A, 2 and 3. Deja vu.

So this was a few weeks after my first one.
So, i remember running trough this byou that's near my house, and i kept hearing screaming. There were red brick around me, and a fence.
I ran towards the fence and looked over it and saw my friend getting raped by this dark figure. All i remember about this man or thing is the bright green eyes it had. After that happened i just watched. Then i hear footsteps behind me and i turn around to see this black thing, it had like horse legs i dont know how to explain but it was hairy and it's face looked like part dragon. Big black eyes and sharp teeth along with a huge smirk on it's face. Well, it smiled at me and said, ''this is all for you daughter''. Then it just laughed, and i woke up.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I just remember a lot of fragments of this dream, and mostly the house.

I’m standing outside of a stone house, it’s raining, and the dream looks so detailed. There is a large, picture window in the middle of the house, with one normal sized window on each side. The stone house is on a little road with lots of green over hanging trees on a cobblestone road that is about 50 feet off of the main road- that is also cobblestone.

I’m in England on vacation. I walk in side of the house an greet the person I’m going to be staying with. I guess I rented a apartment instead of a hotel. The person inside is nice, and shows me around the house. He tells me how everything works, and I remember him showing me how the TV worked.

I wanted to try boating in England, so the next thing I knew I was on a lake (it looked a lot like a lake in New Hampshire that I have been to a few times). The lake is extremely crowded with boats, and there are a lot of islands on the lake, too. I remember that my boat is low lying to the water and it could easily sink. I’m going around pretty fast on the lake and then someone yells at me “Watch out!” then they tell me via telepathy that there are some sharp rocks up ahead that are right on the surface of the water. I slow down my boat because now I’m pretty scared of sinking or flipping it.

The funny thing is, right before I went to bed, I was talking to a friend about swimming in lakes and how I would hate swimming in the middle of the lake and looking down. Its just darkness and I would hate to get pulled down or something.

I can see the rocks on the surface. They just look like they are floating right there. I hit a few of them, but manage to keep the boat going and get back to land.


I think about going back to the house, then the next thing I see is that I'm standing outside again. I go inside and I just handout with the person and talk. He mentions something about how "You never should have moved to America". So I spit back "I wasnt the one who moved". I remember that the conversation started over American and its separation from England.

The dream suddenly ends and I go on to another dream (that I cant remember).

Dream - Lucid

I remember something about doing some study, something about lucid dreamers and non-lucid dreamers.

~

I was on a school bus, sitting on the left side towards the back. We were going on some band trip. It was nighttime. I remember some guy from elementary school being on the bus. I had had a crush on him or something. We were all talking about how many girls had liked him.

I then remember I was the only one sitting on the bus seat, and I had wanted the guy from elementary school to sit with me. Instead, a girl I knew in very early elementary school came and sat next to me. She asked if she could first, and I said yes. I fell asleep on the bus.

When I woke up, we were at our destination. A band parent was trying to tell us all what to do and where to go. Everyone started to get off the bus. I picked up my bags and left too.

The next thing I remember is sitting at a kitchen table in a house with some of my friends. One girl, someone I knew in high school, Sarah, was sitting next to some guy she was apparently dating. I was sitting next to the guy, putting me at the very end of the large table. We were all laughing and talking. I noticed I was sitting next to a counter that had some spiders on it. Sarah lifted up the guy, who killed the spiders. I looked at the guy, who was still lifted, almost hoisted over Sarah's shoulder. He had a green dinosaur tail and dinosaur legs.

I then remember waking up outside. It was still nighttime. I was behind a white van. I had apparently fallen asleep standing up. Anyway, I started to hear a noise; someone was coming. I ran into the house that we were all staying at, and started to run into the kitchen. I saw someone approaching the door that I had just entered.

I made it into the kitchen, and was with Sarah and another person. A man entered. He was disheveled-looking, with greasy shoulder-length dark hair and some facial hair (he looked very similar to the dog-killing man from another one of my dreams). I was scared; we all stared at him with dropped jaws. He pulled out a gun, and fired it at me. I flinched, and all that happened was I felt a puff of warm air go by my head. Apparently, the gun was out of bullets. He commented on this, and said he'd be back later to have sex with me. Then, he started to steal things around the room, mostly food items; I distinctly remember him taking some boxes of granola bars.

He then left, and I was very upset, scared, and overwhelmed about the situation. I bawled. I saw myself in third person, and I had tears and snot all over my face from all the crying I was doing. I went up to Sarah, who looked the same as I did with the tears and snot, and said
"He almost killed me...he almost killed us!"

I woke up terrified. I was afraid to go back to sleep for a few minutes.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT


Progress

I woke up a few times throughout the night and realized I was dreaming, just barely waking and telling myself I was dreaming, hoping I was still in the dream (seemed about 2 seconds out of the dream), then tried to go back in lucid. Didn’t work that I recall, though I was happy that I was so quickly thinking that thought and focusing on being at the least aware of my dreams, if not lucid.


Restaurant Fragment

I saw a previous employer [who I’d had a blow-up with and left in waking life]. I was at his restaurant, it wasn’t significantly unpleasant that I recall. Was there dark water and the sidewalks were square “docks” that resembled rafts and warehouse pallets or was that another dream? If it was then I’ve dreamed about those docks/sidewalks at least three times.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID UNDERLINED IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

Spoiler for Past Related Dreams and History:

History

A new experience dreaming the other night. It gave me hope even though I woke in fear. It also prompted me to get off my butt and finally join a forum that discusses such things. First, a little history.

In the past I’ve had a reoccurring dream of family members and others trying to kill me. One repeated every year it seemed, starting at the age of about 8 and ending (at least consciously) around 18. In this dream a calm and intense voice announced to me that my family was turning into monsters. I ran from them. My father chased me (the chase scenes varied significantly, thought it seems that they were always outside of my grandmother’s house, where the dream started). Sometimes I got away, sometimes I fell, and there was one time I thought I experienced death before I woke up. The dreams filled me with terror.

Other similar dreams have often occurred, the main theme being that someone is stalking me and I am aware that they wanted to kill me. Sometimes I’d confront them. Most times it would be an endless hiding and running deep fear experience. Sometimes it was a combination of both. I’ve experienced other variations of this type of terror dream, often including sharks (in college), tornadoes, and tidal waves.
Usually when I wake the consuming fear and sadness and loneliness from these dreams is so very present, infusing me to some extent throughout the day no matter how much I process and release it. It can be exhausting. Ok, pretty much done with the history.


Recent History

A couple nights ago a terror dream was different than other experiences. I haven’t been remembering my dreams as often in the recent past (I started to type recent future, lol). I had meditated right before sleeping with binaural audio that also incorporates other meditation-inducing aspects. It was a pretty deep meditation and a lot more emotional pain than usual came up, but I was largely able to hold the discomfort in a larger awareness and release happened as well. I fell asleep.

Nightmare with Lucid Meditation

The terror dream was a series of people trying to kill me. Each chapter seemed to occur in my current home or a similar one.

One instance was a psychological death of sorts, where someone wanted me to admit something I’d done that hurt them but I knew that if they knew it would hurt them more than if I didn’t tell them. I felt ashamed. As they tried to dig it out of me tears ran down my face and I avoided looking into their eyes. I think I explained to them at one point that I couldn’t tell them or they would be more hurt. I was conflicted and I’m not sure I held my ground (I think the dream changed at that point).

The dream continued, one person trying to kill me, the dream morphing, then another person trying to kill me, and so on. They were sneaky, some trying to lull me into feeling comfortable with them. It didn’t work. I knew. I resisted. After a few chapters in the dream, I became aware that I was dreaming. In this lucid state I tried different tactics.

1. Dream Control

I tried what I now know to be called dream control. Tried to turn my stalker away, tried to make them friendly, tried to make it not be about being stalked. That wasn’t as “successful” as the tactic has been in other lucid dreams I've had.

2. Wake

I tried to wake myself. In the dream I had access to my real memories: I recalled that I’d woken myself from a nightmare as a young child, maybe 5 years old, after frantically trying to wake in the dream and having no success. This is how I remember it. I became aware of my physical body in my bed. I tried to open my eyes. Felt my eyebrows raising, my lids stretching, but they stayed together. I tried to move my arms. They were heavy, they wouldn’t move. Then my shoulders responded. Finally my arms moved. I reached up and opened my eyes with my hands and woke like that…my fingers on my eyelids, having pulled them apart manually.

Remembering the success of this childhood experience, I attempted this tactic in my dream last night while lucid. It failed. Throughout using these wake-myself-up-please tactics,

I would think I had awakened only to find out I was still in the dream. I became identified with the dream and then lucid and aware I was dreaming (usually because I had a new stalker or less often because something else wouldn't be the same as in my home) again over and over after each failed attempt.

First I tried to wake myself by simply willing it, then throwing a large amount of the energy of my desire to wake into it.

Then I tried to feel my body in my bed, to establish a connection like I thought I had in childhood. It seemed that I could feel my body and that I woke. This was the first time I thought I'd woken up but after I “woke” myself I soon discovered I was being stalked again and had not escaped the dream.

Then I tried to not only feel my body but to move my body, however, I found I wasn’t very coordinated and I was flailing. I became afraid of hurting myself or spilling my water on my nightstand, etc.

The cycle of thinking I had awoken and then realizing I was still in the dream (I think called false awakenings?) came full circle at least 3 times, though in my not completely clear recollection it feels like it was more like 4 to 6 times.

3. Lucid Meditation

At one point I tried to meditate in the dream, hold the dream and the fear of the dream in the arms of my awareness so that I wasn’t so self-identified with it and terrified. This was the new accomplishment. A big one. I don’t think it lasted long, maybe a couple minutes.

I’ve been in different meditative states in many dreams, but this one was intentionally, lucidly, induced. Even though it was a meditation initially infused with the desire to escape from the emotions, I'm still goanna break out with a yay! I came to a place where I wasn’t hiding or trying to wake up. I was confronting in an accepting way while still trying to protect myself.

The meditation did not relieve the fear but I felt more me, more whole. At first the fear was very present and perhaps more so. It seems that the fear ebbed to some degree after a time. I remember looking down on my body during the meditation. The dream also may have gone to black and white during the meditation and got a static quality to it, like white noise. I don't remember ever dreaming in black and white, though now that I look back I don't recall any color in the dream at any point. I am skeptical of it not being in color, however, because now it is days since the dream occurred and I only remember snippets. After the short meditation is when I fuzzily think I woke.

I don't remember the sequence of the following parts of the dream. I'm about 90% sure I wasn’t lucid at the time:

I felt physical pain when one stalker was biting my lips. The physical pain felt so…well…physical. It hurt in a sharp way, just as if my dream body was a physical one. That realization is unsettling and also wondrous. Now I realize that both of the times I have been aware of physical pain in dreams was when I was being bitten. Both dreams were at some point lucid dreams, but not lucid at the time that I was being bitten. The other time was a dog biting my fingertips. Now I’m interested in this…why biting? Perhaps this similarity is connected to a pattern, perhaps not. Worth keeping an eye on it and a thought hanging around.

I tried to manipulate the people out of trying to kill me. I plotted quickly as they advanced. One of the people I offered myself to sexually to try to avoid being killed, to distract him. It worked. It was boring and rather ineffectual sex and I ended up feeling frustrated because I wanted more pleasure, even though I was creeped out and scared.

Well, that was long. I doubt I'll want to use the energy to write so much in the future (or try to refine the clarity of my writing so much, gah), but this dream absolutely fascinated me and I felt reconnected to past dreaming experiences after dry spells and inattention. It woke the inspiration.

I think a big part of why it waned was nobody I shared these types of dreams with had similar experiences or seemed to want to dive in. But after reading some of the forum, wow, some of you not only have had similar but extensive experiences. Thanks for reading, I'm interested in learning from others on this site if you want to respond! That said, I also have a very skeptical side and enjoy critical and insightful discussion, though it is tempered by many other sides.

1. I'm running away from a castle, and try to trip up my pursuers by using magic to do things like switch the outfits of two competing factions of guards. I think I ran into Legolas at some point.

2. I'm trying to escape from a school building by crawling through air vents and windows. Somewhere in the surrounding town, I meet a version of myself with magic powers in a dark tunnel full of fake roses.

3. Autocunnilingus?

4. Running away from a former classmate who's trying to force himself on me. I throw a basketball cage at him.

5. Playing on a tree-swing. I watch an owl in the branch above me catch and start eating a duck.

6. I'm in a room full of drawers of stuff. I decide for some reason that I must be dreaming, and do the nose-pinch-breath-test to check. Of course, once I realize I'm dreaming, things get all vague and unstable, so I start touching everything - books with embossed covers, polished rocks, a stone knife (which I cut my thumb on and had to go find a band-aid). I think I got so obsessed with touching objects that I forgot it was a dream again. -_-'