non-lucid

Not much time for dreams lately, RL is kicking my ass a bit. Here's a dream about horses, because why not?

I'm in a messy house with a lot of clutters and white walls. My mother is bringing something back from somewhere. She parks the care and there's a trailer linked to it. She brought in two horses; a grey one with a spanish built, a lipizzan maybe, with a wavy mane and tail; and a alezan one, with a roughter built, more quarter-horse. The second one is a bit bovine, and do nothing more that grazing a bit. The grey one is something else. As soon as we have him in his pasture, he find a patch of bare dirt and rolls around in it, overing himself with the bright orange soil. I pick up a brush and call him. He trot up to me, head held high, and stop in front of me. I start to brush out the dirt, the sky turning dark but the light not changing. It's a long process but it's not tedious; it's almost meditative, and both the exercise and the body warm of the horse warn off the cold of the night. I lean against it's back to take a breather, tucking my arms under my chin and looking out to the pasture. The smell of horse is strong but pleasant, and his skin is slighting shaking each time my breath touch it, as if it was a fly. I can barely see the other horse; the light around us seem to stop a few paces away.

At my dads there is this old highschool building thats been there for like 200 years. For some reason its abandoned and a bunch of teenagers are loitering there just kinda being mischievious. I'm walking around the school whenever I notice a girl with blond hair and bright blue eyes following me. I start running she's getting closer and closer still. Somehow I'm now wearing skates and I'm flying down the hallway. She cries out," Wait Katelyn, let me see your face! I'm dead! You went here with my descendants!" I fly into a window AWAY from her. The last thing I remember is seeing a browser pop-up and one of my friends's picture is up there. And he's got long blonde hair like when he was in high school.

Woke lots last night but too tired to write dreams down, so forgot most of them.

A very depressing dream

1) In the lounge of an old stately home with big windows. it was dark and foggy outside, we had to go outside to look for the dog. We were chasing around moorland. Then an old 'friend' appeared who used to bully me at school, he started to make fun of me, he was trying to get me to buy a really tacky loking old mirror with plastic on it I think as a present for someone, and I refused and he made fun of me even more. Then I was in the kitchen of my childhood home, there was a pile of presents on the table, I opened the ones from my mother to me. They were obviously very expensive, I think she had bought them in the shop of the stately home we had just been in. I didn't like them though, then started to feel very depressed and angry with myself that I didn't appreciate her presents. About now I think my parents mentionned that they had booked a weekend away for themselves for Easter and started telling me how marvellous it was, and I was jealous. I thought that killing myself would be the only way out, but decided that I didn't agree with suicide. A half empty plate of food landed on the kitchen table, I asked if dinner was being served, my mother told told me yes and I needed to go and get some, she poured herself another glass of wine and walked off. I went to the dining room, my whole family including grandparents were sitting around the table and had almost finished without even inviting me, there was no plae mat or cutlery in my place. I started to get some food but my brother and a friend had started clearing up and moved everything before I could get much food. I followed them to the kitchen but still couldn't get at the food a they were all crowding around so I gave up.
This was the saddest dream I can ever remember. I woke up feeling very depressed and suicidal, then realised that this was real life and that I am actually quite happy.

29/3/16:
Dream 1: I went to a window near the back of my house and saw an owl outside, looking at me with big yellow eyes. I marvelled at this as I had never seen an owl IRL before. I then noticed my cat was next to me, hissing and spitting at the window. The owl and the cat got up as close as they could to the window and starting taunting each other. Somehow the cat got out though, and the owl was no more. My brother came and asked me what was going on but I told him to go back as he didn't want to see what was going on.

Dream 2: There was a gun which shot backwards, a sawn of shotgun which sprayed pellets everywhere out the back end of the gun, so a guy was going around tricking people into thinking they were safe before he shot them.

Dream 3: I was at a high school, not my own, in class. I was on my computer and playing a game, something star wars related I think. The bell rang and class ended so I ran outside to get to my locker. I passed a cafeteria and then got to my locker only to realise I had left my computer and books and stuff in the classroom. I decided to get the rest of my stuff from my locker first before going back for that. While at the lockers I bumped into a friend discussing with some other people how he had royal/noble blood. His mum was related to the second most powerful family in Malaysia, however they were under threat of attack from the most powerful family so they had to defend themselves. Their house there had an extendable spiral wall to protect them at night, which he gave a demonstration of at his locker, pulling out a wooden spiral fence around it that grew and grew. I went bac to the classroom to get my stuff, passing someone I knew on the way, only to find there was an after school art class going on in that room. I went inside and saw my stuff was still there, so I began packing it away but the art teacher stopped me. She tried to get me to join in with their activities, making a big balloon sack thing, so I went along with it a bit before just packing my stuff away and getting out of there.

This one was several days ago. I was in my old apartment in the livingroom. Kuvira (a military dictator/conqueror from The Legend of Korra) was there. I can't exactly remember what happened, all I remember is thinking that her next move was going to be her calling her army to catch me, so I jumped onto her and covered her mouth. I remember seeing the front door as well.

It was late afternoon. I was in a huge mansion, sneaking around the rooms. I held a pistol in my hands, it was silenced. I tried to sneak past cloaked figures and take something out of the mansion. I moved really carefully as I felt immense danger. I moved between rooms and floors, finally I found some book and jumped to the streets through a window. Suddenly all the robed people, police and soldiers appeared and started shooting at me. Someone called me from the other side of street. It was a black man, he said "Run bro! I'll keep them away!" and took a pistol, then ran to shoot at them. I ran away to a square, it was getting late. I saw two girls from my class park a small car. I stolen it to escape. I barely fit inside, I was driving in a small alley. A thought about lucid dreaming went through my mind. I looked closely at beams of light falling on the cobble road, then everything went black and I woke up.

I died. I don't know how, I don't know why. I just knew that.
I found myself hovering in void. A few hundred of metres away there was other man hovering. It was absolute darkness there. I felt that I'm stuck there. It didn't matter to me. I observed my surrounding... unattached observer. No will, no want, no need of anything...
Then I saw that that man started to glow stronger and stronger until he dissolved in blinding white light. I remained there alone, not that it mattered anything to myself. But I started to be curious- what happened? And I got answer. That man started to show humility. He was taken away. The place where we were was purgatory. And I felt that I have to do the same to be taken too.
So I tried. And I failed. And I failed again. And I asked- how can I feel humility, when I feel nothing at all? When I feel total peace? No answer. But I started to feel inadequate. With that I started to feel many different emotions... the peace I was in was taking cracks. But I observed it and concentrated on countermeasures till I was again in total peace and timelessness. I felt that I do right thing. I can't be dependant of outside forces, it is way of slavery... I concentrated... on transfer... Actinic flash and I vanished.

Remarks
The consciousness was really strong in this dream, much, much stronger than in waking life. Although I didn't know that it was only a dream. Therefore I marked this as nonlucid dream even if level of lucidity was so strong.
This dream got me thinking about my life philosophy. I deviated from what I learned from my parents... we are roman catholics... But I took quite different philosophy as time went... my experiences are stronger than any books or speeches of priests... It got me thinking whether my way is right. Whether I'm not lead by other, darker forces. Away from "god". I was unable to feel regret... I felt regret that I can't feel regret for a short time until I found what I do. But that doesn't feel right in light of what I learned from my parents. On other side... what is right and what is wrong... I need to research this in fullness, in changed state of consciousness.
I had this dream probably because of discussion I had at previous dream.

[comment] sleep pattern messed up, since I programmed myself to awake after each dream, now I awake approx 3am which would be ideal time for mild or something but instead I am finding it nye on impossible to get back to sleep LOL

Awoke about 7am after fitful sleep, any recall i had evaporated and I decided to just see what I could see while in hypnogoic sleep state.
Friend of mine labelled this my trance state as I do this fairly wide awake also but i'd never tried it on waking before Oo
Each scene in trance exited into the next without any morphing, much like
cards being turned to reveal a new scene.

1) scene that came into my mind was of a large tree on a skyline, tree totally black due to lighting,
picture was in smokey watercolours, dark storm clouds in a purple and yellowy sky.
I can't remember which way round it happened but the tree which had appeared densly foliaged
had all its deep blackness turn into a vast swarm of black birds which swept into the sky
becoming like a million tiny black particles forming themselves into a cloud.

2) Again in watercolours, a shamen lay taking up most of the bottom portion of the scene.
He was old and wearing full feathered headress layed out on the ground.
In the sky was a yellowed figure, half cloud half face of a indian spirit.
I could not tell if the shamen was sleeping or dying or being brought back to life?

3) A close up of a group of elven face lit by a bright white light, also hues of green and yellow.
They were smiling with bright eyes.

4) A photo realistic scene of being on a small island, with gravel paths and tended lush foliage.
A very sunny day with the sea sparkling, flashes of light from reflected light on the waves.
As I grow closer, I could smell the sea and see that a part of a gigantic lizard the scales a dull grey,
was raised above the water. The island itself was an amphibian of some kind.

5) Another photo realistic scene, outside a house, my eye was drawn to something near the roof
I zoomed in on part of a scene, within a triangle, was a viscous liquid
golden dark brown, inside it was moving, it was alive, inside was a man.
i could tell but not see.

6) I see myself sitting in bed awake. The bed has a metal back.
Next to me I cannot see who is there but I am stunned by the mirroring
of my circumstances, after the other seemingly abstract scenes and its realism.

7) Against a darkened blue, night sky. A large circle is being held by the
hand of some unseen person. Within the circle they're are to forms, one is me
another on the other side a woman, we are both held in an energy field. The currents
of which can be seen zigzagging like lighting strkes, binding us together.

8) The symbolic outline of a man is on one side of the scene, his is in the figure
of a anch sign, his legs angular and stylised. His shadow is thrown forward to
the other side of the scene. Large reddy, orange dried leaves are grouped
pointing away from him. In the distance a swarm of black birds flys towards him
out of the orange tinged sky. They turn to black dots and stream into him
I am hit by a surge of energy, like a sledghammer. My heart starts to race.
Leaves turn into phoenix feathers, with flames on edges.


my dream journal sketch of ankh man.

I awake and sketch what I can remember.There were some dreams as well inbetween
but I can't recall them, now.
I go to make coffee for my daughter (humble servant that I am)
As I look into the coffee jar, the granules are alive like a thousand
moving people.
I add the sugar and they appear to move before my eyes like the swarm of birds.
I look down at the work top and its texture moves like clouds on a large stormy
sky.
A pattern to my right again looks like many people moving and another birds.
I sit down on the carpet and the room rocks, the floor looks and is moving
like the sea, a thousand waves set in motion.

Thankfully things calm down after that. I have the reverlation that everything
is alive and in motion, time is the thing that stops us from seeing this.
I laugh as the clocks hand moving, makes me jump thinking it is another vision (?)

I open the french windows, and a large plant pot of earth is hit as the door
is caught by the wind, it scatters earth like a million black birds across the
ground Oo

1) A triffid plant was eating people in the top floor of a building. Then I was standing ouside the entrance to the building with my wife and children, they decided to go in becasue it was actaully a department store. Then they were showing me pictures of the plant and it was grown every year from seed and produced wonderful fruit and people loved it.

2) I was sitting in the lounge of an old peoples home. We were talking to my grandmother but she was completely demented. There was another man and his son sat talking to another old person. The there were several young people in the corner, not sure where they cam from, but I could tell they were very intelligent, we talked to them. Somehow the subject of playing musical instrumetns came up and someone told my brother to get his trumbone so he went off to get it and everyone else got out their instruments. I felt a bit stupid because I didn't play anything.
Suddenyl we were outside and I saw a very old friend from school ride by on a bike.

3) Vague memory: wanting a nice drink and looking through very old grotty bottles for a drink, lot more to this one, can't remember.

4) In a house, walking between rooms. The outside with my father in law and a friend of his, looking at the back garden, explaining that they couldn't dig any deeper because of all the rubble in the ground. I went to look and remembered that it was like that when I tried and explained how I used a pick axe. Then I realised we were trying to dig a swimming pool and wondered why they hadn't dug where I had marked it out. Then I was having a conversation with his friend and he had trapped me into coming to his house to do some work and was discussing where I would stay. We got onto a train in the back garden just to go one stop, suddenly we were coming back, my wife was chattering and we missed the stop and I got very annoyed with her.

D₁-Really more of a fragment. All I remember is a phrase about British and American history

Dreamskip

D₂-I'm swimming in a pool. The water feels amazing. Every few seconds I'll dive under and swim to one side and then go up for air. I'll just kinda float once I'm done, then repeat the process. Finally after a couple of times of this I look over and a VERY well-dressed guy is sitting by the pool in black dress pants and a perriwinkle-ish color button up. He's smiling just kinda gazing at the pool. I dive back under the water. Whenever I go up for air I realize I'm in the shallow end. Shit... He gets up and starts walking down the steps into the pool. Before I can dart under the water he grabs me and starts pulling me foreward. Instead of fighting I decide to see what he wants. Our faces are inches apart whenever I realize its Donnovan (my reoccuring dc) he smiles,"MINE." I wakeup.

I... I don't even know how to approach dreams like this... If dreams are a measure of the mind, I certainly hope people are willing to judge me on more than these...

I'll go get the dream sins.

I remember (This was two nights ago) a dream about being on my college campus. I was in my digital media class and for whatever reason we were walking around campy. I remember there was this girl in our class with very pale skin, gray eyes and long black hair. It didn't seem like anyone else in the class really paid much attention to her. We were walking by the rec center when, with absolutely no provocation (I didn't even say anything to her or even look her way, I was largely ignoring her.), the new girl proceeds to walk up to me without saying a word and slap me. (1. Dickhead DCs strike again.)

My immediate reaction is one of anger, where I proceeded to kick her down into a mud puddle. She started crying that her clothes were ruined. The weird part was everyone took her side and was mad at me for what I had done. (2. That's unfair.) Apparently the underlying moral was that the girl wanted attention but didn't get it so her first instinct was to just hit someone and see what happened. Apparently what I was supposed to do was comfort her her loneliness. (3. How was this girl in college, this behavior wouldn't fly in a kindergarten...) (4. Also, what kind of rancid moral is this? Someone has an emotional problem and their first resort is hitting a random person, yet they're not at fault...?)

FFWD to last night

A dream about Johnny Test (5. Johnny Test). I remember the episode was about Johnny developing anorexia (6. PULL OUT! PULL OUT! We do not need a 'Very Special Episode' from this show, especially not one in a dream!) and growing his hair long. I don't remember the exact plot but it had something to do with him not wanting to get a haircut and Johnny had his hair really long in a ponytail. (7. Johnny test steals my waking life ponytail hairstyle.) He then stopped eating, and as soon as he skipped one meal his body got replaced with a realistic ribcage. (8. It was disturbing...)

He then ran away from school with the dog, who also had a realistic ribcage and spine. (9. Stop doing that!) Some police came and talked to him. Overused joke about how the dog is a kid with a hair disorder. (10. Okay, one, I'm sinning the fact that I even REMEMBER that that was a recurring joke on the show.) (11. That joke, and by extension, my subc makes fun of kids with disorders. Srsly WTH?) He then hid out behind a dumpster that was in the middle of the woods. The environment around them was realistic now though they were still animated characters. Then some random bad guys showed up that I think were duplicates of themselves. (12. What? Why? Gonna explain anything here? Well I guess the show never did so why should the dream?) Go to random fight scene, but because they hadn't eaten lunch, they didn't have the energy to fight. So Johnny pulls two giant (like car sized) sandwiches out of his backpack and he eats one and so does the dog. We get that cartoony effect where their stomachs are in the shape of the sandwich and then you see the inside of their stomachs and the sandwiches change into big laundry bags full of clothes. (13. WHAT? WHAT? Why did food change to clothing? What is the connection there?) The clothes for some reason gave them the energy to start fighting off the evil clones.

Okay, so then I became a character in the dream rather than just an observer, and there was a duplicate of ME wearing a black leather coat and sunglasses that proceeded to attack me. (14. Boo! Pick a plotline!). Then came the main reason I'm being so hard on this dream and breaking out the dream sins... Because when the duplicate me proceeded to jump and kick, I turned sideways to evade, but I also suddenly rolled sideways in waking life. Apparently my cat wasn't too happy about me suddenly rolling and waking up in my sleep because she flew about three feet into the air and made a yowl that woke up everyone on the house. (24. Dream causes problem in waking life. 10 sins for that.)

...

I remember a lot of very distracting sounds and imagery as I was going back to sleep. (HH/HI when I wasn't even trying to WILD... ) I remember I kept hearing sounds like somebody was walking into my room. It was completely non-threatening but it still caused me to wake up because I thought it was someone coming into my room. There was a part where I was in SP and I couldn't move. I didn't freak out. I was just like "Oh, I'm in SP..." In fact it was almost because it was so non-threatening that I ignored it. If it had been a menacing presence, I would have done my darnedest to ignore it. But because I thought it was a parent or cat nosing the door open, I woke up. (25. HI doesn't resort to its usual grim reaper and monster with 8 heads and 12 necks routine when I'm actually prepared for it.)

At some point I began to get hold of a dreamlet where I was driving home from school. But as soon as I realized a dream was starting to form, I woke myself back up.

...

I got a test back in my earth science class and saw that I had 89.5/100 points. I remember all of the tests were laid out on this big round curvy table. I remember someone (I think it was my dad) was carrying me around on their shoulders walking down the curvy table like it was a road and stepping on everyones tests. Someone was upset that their test now had a dirty footprint on it.

...

I was drawing some rather... risque art in Photoshop. I remember a pair of breasts that I couldn't get to look right. The shading was always off no matter what I did. Don't remember what else was in the painting though.

Dream Sin Tally: 25
Sentance: Covered in Mud

I used the Keyboard Technique w/ my fingers & had a dream that I was aware of being in a dream & could change things but I did not have the higher state of consciousness hence, I did not open my eyes when that ah-ha moment occurred which makes the LD not genuine. True lucidity has to have this. For some reason, a lot of ppl don't seem to get this concept. My dream was about my son who's home from college & we were in a house arguing & he hit me.... I have a good relationship w/ my son & this would never occur but do to bickering over my new cat who is being territorial & relieving herself on his bed, this has made for some tension lately but totally normal & understandable.

I used the Keyboard Technique w/ my fingers & had a dream that I was aware of being in a dream & could change things but I did not have the higher state of consciousness hence, I did not open my eyes when that ah-ha moment occurred which makes the LD not genuine. True lucidity has to have this. For some reason, a lot of ppl don't seem to get this concept. My dream was about my son who's home from college & we were in a house arguing & he hit me.... I have a good relationship w/ my son & this would never occur but do to bickering over my new cat who is being territorial & relieving herself on his bed, this has made for some tension lately but totally normal & understandable.

28/3/16: (Cracked the 100 dreams recalled this month yay!)
Dream 1: I was at a house, presumably my own, where the old neighbours had moved out and the new ones were just moving in. I went outside to greet them and saw them all siting around a table in the driveway having a picnic. I saw they were half chinese and half something else, for some reason I didn't go up to say hello but stood back and just watched them for a bit.

Dream 2: I was on a plane flight and I was supposedly the wealthiest individual in the world. I was probably in first class when the plane started juddering and shaking about. I asked a flight attendant what was going on and she said she didn't know. People around me were acting like we might be crashing and I tarted getting worried, so I cornered the flight attendant in a secluded spot and told her of my wealth, 10.7 trillion dollars, and that I could give her a substantial reward if she told me what was really going on. She told me that it was all a simulation, but to not tell the other passengers. I went back to my seat and the flight continued on as per normal. A little while later though the juddering started again, and then it appeared like the side of the plane got ripped off and a little kid got sucked out of the plane. Everybody screamed and panicked until the hole fixed itself and people realised it was just a simulation. Everyone began laughing nervously as we began to descend. We landed and as I got out I saw we were at Disneyland. I got off with my family and we started walking away. My brothers got a bit lost however but we managed to get reunited. We passed a small carousel which was shut down and being turned into an iron man ride.

Dream 3: I was travelling across China in a train and was looking out the window as we arrived and then departed from Nanjing.

I had a false awakening fragment where I thought I had remembered a few dreams and then went back to sleep.

I had another uneventful night due to my son being home from college & a dispute between him & my newly acquired cat over territory. But I am gonna take a nap & use the Piano Key Method. I fed my cat so she would nap & hopefully my son will stay in his own space since he stayed up all night.