non-lucid

1) Sitting around a table. Very small portions of food. I complained to the woman sitting next to me and she agreed they were getting smaller. I asked for some more but just got a teaspoon of gravy added to the side of my plate. Bit of a theme here.

2) It was lunch time in a school canteen. The children were all rushing over to get their lunch. I had to serve so moved a serving table around and cleared all the rubbish off the top of it. Continuing the food theme.....

3) I was with a patient and noticed that he was interested in lucid dreaming, congratulated him and told him that I was interested as well but hadn't had a lucid dream yet

30/3/16:
Dream 1: I was playing a Dota game, it started off alright but our support was absolutely terrible, feeding and such and ending up abandoning. 4v5 we started to struggle, until their bloodseeker went absolutely insane nd started eating us up left right and centre. He killed all of us multiple times and the last time I just barely managed to get away to the fountain.

Fragment: I was on the internet doing something.

Dream 2: I took the train down to where the basketball stadium I normally play at was, however the whole area is sort of blocked off. I try to get through but can't really. I look through the window of the basketball stadium and see a few people inside playing, however I have a feeling that I'm not allowed to go in there. I wen back to the train station and met up with my brother who explained what was going on. He told me the Olympics were happening soon here and the Olympic village was being set up there. I asked him why they weren't using the Olympic village from 60 years ago but he said he didn't know why.

Dream 3: I was on a cliff with someone else, skimming rocks down the cliff to try and get them as far as possible. It was a bit like a science experiment so they all had to be about 1.8 kg to count. I think we each threw two rocks before we realised that though so I collected them and measured their weight. One of mine as 1.7 kg so it was ok, but the other was only like 0.9 kilos so it didn't count. I went to find another rock to throw and found a weird purple one but it weighed the right amount so I threw it anyway.

Fragment: Something about shaving and cutting my super long toenails.

Dream 4: I was at a different university campus at a computing tutorial. The tut was really hard and by the end I was completely lost and panicking. Everybody went outside and sat around and talked on a football field. After a little while though an alarm went off and security guards came to us. They started interrogating us, saying none of us would leave until someone fessed up, and eventually someone put their hand up and was handcuffed by them. I walked over and could hear them crying, until I got close enough to recognise it was my brother. I walked up to the guards and asked them what had happened, they told me that he had broken a gutter on the edge of a roof. I asked my brother why on earth he would do that and he said he saw it has hanging low and jumped up to grab it and it snapped due to his weight. I told the guards to let him go as he hadn't deliberately down anything wrong. I don't know if they actually let him go because of this or not, but I know we had to go the regular city campus next as we were no longer welcome at that previous campus.

We got to the city campus where we had a computing workshop this time starting shortly. I knew it was on level 10 of the building, so I started going up the escalator but my brother said the elevator was faster so I hopped off after a few levels. Somehow I lost my brother and didn't know where the elevators where so I wandered back down to the ground floor to try and figure out where I was. I walked around to the other side of the building and then reentered up a short escalator. I ended up in a food market of some kind, and was about to leave but I saw some of my friends hanging around there. I asked them what they were doing and they said they were getting lunch from a make your own kebab place. Intrigued, I went over to them and saw you could pay to get a skewer, two slices of bread and all the meat you wanted. I saw it was only $10 so I decided to get it as well. I put one slice of break at the bottom of the skewer, leaving the other for the top like a burger, and then looked at all the different meats. I got some bacon, lamb, pork and this amazing looking smoked beef. I ate that and then went up the escalators again. I met up with my brother on level 9 somehow, and he told me to follow him to the room even though it was the floor below. We walked in and it was an arena in darkness with a woman giving a speech in Chinese there. We sat down and it turned out to be next to a friend from high school. I asked her if this was the right place and she said no, so,, scolding my brother, I walked out and tried to get up to the next level.

Dream #2 today. I was w/ friends & family by a beach w/ a cool outdoor eating area where we were eating Chinese food hibachi style. For some reason I was being married off to some old Chinese guy which I wasn't looking forward to. But an old boyfriend from my childhood was there & we managed to sneak off together & get away from those people. It was a very vivid & memorable dream... My first husband was a Chinese chef & I worked in the industry & still have a great fondness for Chinese food & both of my sons worked also in the industry in there teens.

Dream#1 today~ I was at this strange abstract birthday party w/ some ppl I know & some I didn't. My friends & I were trying to cheat to not participate in some sick party gift game... The object was to give some of your organs, yes body parts, as gifts to a child for his birthday. Then we went to an after party for adults & ppl were drinking & getting wasted so that triggered me to get away from the dream. I quit drinking almost 2 yrs ago just as a lifestyle choice which in turn gave me more vivid dreams like I had had when I was younger.

I was in a huge library, there were many people sitting near tables and reading. Someone came closer and gave me an "Underground admittance". I took an elevator and quickly arrived in a dark cavern room built over with wood. Some parts of it were lit. As soon as I left the elevator, everybody rushed inside it to get to the surface. Only I and manager of this level stayed. He was a black man, wearing a green uniform. When he saw me, he said "Welcome to the underground level! We are surrounded by endless darkness, and as you can see, only this wooden construction protects us from perilous danger!"

I wandered around the cavern, wondering what's going on. In one place I looked in between wood beams, staring at the strange blackness. I moved somewhere else, and between the beams I saw a beautiful tropical beach at sunset. Another look - and another beach. There were dangerously looking storm clouds gathering upon it. I called the manager and asked "Are our brains generating these beautiful landscapes as a way to deal with this unusual darkness?" He looked a bit surprised and said "I'm not certainly sure, but it is possible."

A sudden earthquake occured, lights in previously lit area turned off. Manager shouted in panic when he realized that we were stranded down there. I tried to open an evacuation shaft, but a chandelier almost fallen on my head. I tried again and opened it, only to discover that no human is able to climb up through it. He said with hope "They are preparing to save us... they really are!" I said "You know what? They really do, because I expect it, and in lucid dreams, expectations and belief are the most important factors!" I didn't even noticed that I'm back in my house and that the man turned into one of my classmates.

We talked for a while in my kitchen. We both wanted to go to toilet, instead of it we both peed there. Suddenly he turned and shouted "Oh shit! Grandma!". We ran to another room, I held the door so nobody could enter. It was my parents' bedroom, but only mother was sleeping. Suddenly I heard a shout "Hey! What are you doing!?" - it was my father going back from toilet. I tried to explain "I thought it was grandma!" to which he replied "How could she get here?"

I left him and went to toilet, thinking if this is a crazy dream that could become lucid, but I woke up soon.

Not much time for dreams lately, RL is kicking my ass a bit. Here's a dream about horses, because why not?

I'm in a messy house with a lot of clutters and white walls. My mother is bringing something back from somewhere. She parks the care and there's a trailer linked to it. She brought in two horses; a grey one with a spanish built, a lipizzan maybe, with a wavy mane and tail; and a alezan one, with a roughter built, more quarter-horse. The second one is a bit bovine, and do nothing more that grazing a bit. The grey one is something else. As soon as we have him in his pasture, he find a patch of bare dirt and rolls around in it, overing himself with the bright orange soil. I pick up a brush and call him. He trot up to me, head held high, and stop in front of me. I start to brush out the dirt, the sky turning dark but the light not changing. It's a long process but it's not tedious; it's almost meditative, and both the exercise and the body warm of the horse warn off the cold of the night. I lean against it's back to take a breather, tucking my arms under my chin and looking out to the pasture. The smell of horse is strong but pleasant, and his skin is slighting shaking each time my breath touch it, as if it was a fly. I can barely see the other horse; the light around us seem to stop a few paces away.

At my dads there is this old highschool building thats been there for like 200 years. For some reason its abandoned and a bunch of teenagers are loitering there just kinda being mischievious. I'm walking around the school whenever I notice a girl with blond hair and bright blue eyes following me. I start running she's getting closer and closer still. Somehow I'm now wearing skates and I'm flying down the hallway. She cries out," Wait Katelyn, let me see your face! I'm dead! You went here with my descendants!" I fly into a window AWAY from her. The last thing I remember is seeing a browser pop-up and one of my friends's picture is up there. And he's got long blonde hair like when he was in high school.

Woke lots last night but too tired to write dreams down, so forgot most of them.

A very depressing dream

1) In the lounge of an old stately home with big windows. it was dark and foggy outside, we had to go outside to look for the dog. We were chasing around moorland. Then an old 'friend' appeared who used to bully me at school, he started to make fun of me, he was trying to get me to buy a really tacky loking old mirror with plastic on it I think as a present for someone, and I refused and he made fun of me even more. Then I was in the kitchen of my childhood home, there was a pile of presents on the table, I opened the ones from my mother to me. They were obviously very expensive, I think she had bought them in the shop of the stately home we had just been in. I didn't like them though, then started to feel very depressed and angry with myself that I didn't appreciate her presents. About now I think my parents mentionned that they had booked a weekend away for themselves for Easter and started telling me how marvellous it was, and I was jealous. I thought that killing myself would be the only way out, but decided that I didn't agree with suicide. A half empty plate of food landed on the kitchen table, I asked if dinner was being served, my mother told told me yes and I needed to go and get some, she poured herself another glass of wine and walked off. I went to the dining room, my whole family including grandparents were sitting around the table and had almost finished without even inviting me, there was no plae mat or cutlery in my place. I started to get some food but my brother and a friend had started clearing up and moved everything before I could get much food. I followed them to the kitchen but still couldn't get at the food a they were all crowding around so I gave up.
This was the saddest dream I can ever remember. I woke up feeling very depressed and suicidal, then realised that this was real life and that I am actually quite happy.

29/3/16:
Dream 1: I went to a window near the back of my house and saw an owl outside, looking at me with big yellow eyes. I marvelled at this as I had never seen an owl IRL before. I then noticed my cat was next to me, hissing and spitting at the window. The owl and the cat got up as close as they could to the window and starting taunting each other. Somehow the cat got out though, and the owl was no more. My brother came and asked me what was going on but I told him to go back as he didn't want to see what was going on.

Dream 2: There was a gun which shot backwards, a sawn of shotgun which sprayed pellets everywhere out the back end of the gun, so a guy was going around tricking people into thinking they were safe before he shot them.

Dream 3: I was at a high school, not my own, in class. I was on my computer and playing a game, something star wars related I think. The bell rang and class ended so I ran outside to get to my locker. I passed a cafeteria and then got to my locker only to realise I had left my computer and books and stuff in the classroom. I decided to get the rest of my stuff from my locker first before going back for that. While at the lockers I bumped into a friend discussing with some other people how he had royal/noble blood. His mum was related to the second most powerful family in Malaysia, however they were under threat of attack from the most powerful family so they had to defend themselves. Their house there had an extendable spiral wall to protect them at night, which he gave a demonstration of at his locker, pulling out a wooden spiral fence around it that grew and grew. I went bac to the classroom to get my stuff, passing someone I knew on the way, only to find there was an after school art class going on in that room. I went inside and saw my stuff was still there, so I began packing it away but the art teacher stopped me. She tried to get me to join in with their activities, making a big balloon sack thing, so I went along with it a bit before just packing my stuff away and getting out of there.

This one was several days ago. I was in my old apartment in the livingroom. Kuvira (a military dictator/conqueror from The Legend of Korra) was there. I can't exactly remember what happened, all I remember is thinking that her next move was going to be her calling her army to catch me, so I jumped onto her and covered her mouth. I remember seeing the front door as well.

It was late afternoon. I was in a huge mansion, sneaking around the rooms. I held a pistol in my hands, it was silenced. I tried to sneak past cloaked figures and take something out of the mansion. I moved really carefully as I felt immense danger. I moved between rooms and floors, finally I found some book and jumped to the streets through a window. Suddenly all the robed people, police and soldiers appeared and started shooting at me. Someone called me from the other side of street. It was a black man, he said "Run bro! I'll keep them away!" and took a pistol, then ran to shoot at them. I ran away to a square, it was getting late. I saw two girls from my class park a small car. I stolen it to escape. I barely fit inside, I was driving in a small alley. A thought about lucid dreaming went through my mind. I looked closely at beams of light falling on the cobble road, then everything went black and I woke up.

I died. I don't know how, I don't know why. I just knew that.
I found myself hovering in void. A few hundred of metres away there was other man hovering. It was absolute darkness there. I felt that I'm stuck there. It didn't matter to me. I observed my surrounding... unattached observer. No will, no want, no need of anything...
Then I saw that that man started to glow stronger and stronger until he dissolved in blinding white light. I remained there alone, not that it mattered anything to myself. But I started to be curious- what happened? And I got answer. That man started to show humility. He was taken away. The place where we were was purgatory. And I felt that I have to do the same to be taken too.
So I tried. And I failed. And I failed again. And I asked- how can I feel humility, when I feel nothing at all? When I feel total peace? No answer. But I started to feel inadequate. With that I started to feel many different emotions... the peace I was in was taking cracks. But I observed it and concentrated on countermeasures till I was again in total peace and timelessness. I felt that I do right thing. I can't be dependant of outside forces, it is way of slavery... I concentrated... on transfer... Actinic flash and I vanished.

Remarks
The consciousness was really strong in this dream, much, much stronger than in waking life. Although I didn't know that it was only a dream. Therefore I marked this as nonlucid dream even if level of lucidity was so strong.
This dream got me thinking about my life philosophy. I deviated from what I learned from my parents... we are roman catholics... But I took quite different philosophy as time went... my experiences are stronger than any books or speeches of priests... It got me thinking whether my way is right. Whether I'm not lead by other, darker forces. Away from "god". I was unable to feel regret... I felt regret that I can't feel regret for a short time until I found what I do. But that doesn't feel right in light of what I learned from my parents. On other side... what is right and what is wrong... I need to research this in fullness, in changed state of consciousness.
I had this dream probably because of discussion I had at previous dream.

[comment] sleep pattern messed up, since I programmed myself to awake after each dream, now I awake approx 3am which would be ideal time for mild or something but instead I am finding it nye on impossible to get back to sleep LOL

Awoke about 7am after fitful sleep, any recall i had evaporated and I decided to just see what I could see while in hypnogoic sleep state.
Friend of mine labelled this my trance state as I do this fairly wide awake also but i'd never tried it on waking before Oo
Each scene in trance exited into the next without any morphing, much like
cards being turned to reveal a new scene.

1) scene that came into my mind was of a large tree on a skyline, tree totally black due to lighting,
picture was in smokey watercolours, dark storm clouds in a purple and yellowy sky.
I can't remember which way round it happened but the tree which had appeared densly foliaged
had all its deep blackness turn into a vast swarm of black birds which swept into the sky
becoming like a million tiny black particles forming themselves into a cloud.

2) Again in watercolours, a shamen lay taking up most of the bottom portion of the scene.
He was old and wearing full feathered headress layed out on the ground.
In the sky was a yellowed figure, half cloud half face of a indian spirit.
I could not tell if the shamen was sleeping or dying or being brought back to life?

3) A close up of a group of elven face lit by a bright white light, also hues of green and yellow.
They were smiling with bright eyes.

4) A photo realistic scene of being on a small island, with gravel paths and tended lush foliage.
A very sunny day with the sea sparkling, flashes of light from reflected light on the waves.
As I grow closer, I could smell the sea and see that a part of a gigantic lizard the scales a dull grey,
was raised above the water. The island itself was an amphibian of some kind.

5) Another photo realistic scene, outside a house, my eye was drawn to something near the roof
I zoomed in on part of a scene, within a triangle, was a viscous liquid
golden dark brown, inside it was moving, it was alive, inside was a man.
i could tell but not see.

6) I see myself sitting in bed awake. The bed has a metal back.
Next to me I cannot see who is there but I am stunned by the mirroring
of my circumstances, after the other seemingly abstract scenes and its realism.

7) Against a darkened blue, night sky. A large circle is being held by the
hand of some unseen person. Within the circle they're are to forms, one is me
another on the other side a woman, we are both held in an energy field. The currents
of which can be seen zigzagging like lighting strkes, binding us together.

8) The symbolic outline of a man is on one side of the scene, his is in the figure
of a anch sign, his legs angular and stylised. His shadow is thrown forward to
the other side of the scene. Large reddy, orange dried leaves are grouped
pointing away from him. In the distance a swarm of black birds flys towards him
out of the orange tinged sky. They turn to black dots and stream into him
I am hit by a surge of energy, like a sledghammer. My heart starts to race.
Leaves turn into phoenix feathers, with flames on edges.


my dream journal sketch of ankh man.

I awake and sketch what I can remember.There were some dreams as well inbetween
but I can't recall them, now.
I go to make coffee for my daughter (humble servant that I am)
As I look into the coffee jar, the granules are alive like a thousand
moving people.
I add the sugar and they appear to move before my eyes like the swarm of birds.
I look down at the work top and its texture moves like clouds on a large stormy
sky.
A pattern to my right again looks like many people moving and another birds.
I sit down on the carpet and the room rocks, the floor looks and is moving
like the sea, a thousand waves set in motion.

Thankfully things calm down after that. I have the reverlation that everything
is alive and in motion, time is the thing that stops us from seeing this.
I laugh as the clocks hand moving, makes me jump thinking it is another vision (?)

I open the french windows, and a large plant pot of earth is hit as the door
is caught by the wind, it scatters earth like a million black birds across the
ground Oo

1) A triffid plant was eating people in the top floor of a building. Then I was standing ouside the entrance to the building with my wife and children, they decided to go in becasue it was actaully a department store. Then they were showing me pictures of the plant and it was grown every year from seed and produced wonderful fruit and people loved it.

2) I was sitting in the lounge of an old peoples home. We were talking to my grandmother but she was completely demented. There was another man and his son sat talking to another old person. The there were several young people in the corner, not sure where they cam from, but I could tell they were very intelligent, we talked to them. Somehow the subject of playing musical instrumetns came up and someone told my brother to get his trumbone so he went off to get it and everyone else got out their instruments. I felt a bit stupid because I didn't play anything.
Suddenyl we were outside and I saw a very old friend from school ride by on a bike.

3) Vague memory: wanting a nice drink and looking through very old grotty bottles for a drink, lot more to this one, can't remember.

4) In a house, walking between rooms. The outside with my father in law and a friend of his, looking at the back garden, explaining that they couldn't dig any deeper because of all the rubble in the ground. I went to look and remembered that it was like that when I tried and explained how I used a pick axe. Then I realised we were trying to dig a swimming pool and wondered why they hadn't dug where I had marked it out. Then I was having a conversation with his friend and he had trapped me into coming to his house to do some work and was discussing where I would stay. We got onto a train in the back garden just to go one stop, suddenly we were coming back, my wife was chattering and we missed the stop and I got very annoyed with her.

D₁-Really more of a fragment. All I remember is a phrase about British and American history

Dreamskip

D₂-I'm swimming in a pool. The water feels amazing. Every few seconds I'll dive under and swim to one side and then go up for air. I'll just kinda float once I'm done, then repeat the process. Finally after a couple of times of this I look over and a VERY well-dressed guy is sitting by the pool in black dress pants and a perriwinkle-ish color button up. He's smiling just kinda gazing at the pool. I dive back under the water. Whenever I go up for air I realize I'm in the shallow end. Shit... He gets up and starts walking down the steps into the pool. Before I can dart under the water he grabs me and starts pulling me foreward. Instead of fighting I decide to see what he wants. Our faces are inches apart whenever I realize its Donnovan (my reoccuring dc) he smiles,"MINE." I wakeup.