non-lucid

Dream one- I can't get my kids to sleep tonight, and I'm getting really frustrated and tired. the medicine I am on for my chest pain makes me feel like I'm going to fall asleep standing up, and they just won't sleep. My son asks for water, he's drank the first round I gave him already and just can't sleep without more water. I grudgingly get up and walk into the kitchen to refill his water bottle. My mom is standing in the kitchen with my former step brother, getting water from the fridge as I came in to do. I set the bottle down, really agitated that she's over so late and unannounced when I am already struggling to get the kids to bed as it is. "What the hell are you doing here?" I grumble. She replies, "I was in the neighborhood, and Dylan was thirsty, so I let myself in to get him a drink. I didn't think you'd mind!" I start to bring my hands up to my head in an expression of frustration and anger, then stop. My hands look weird, and she doesn't have a key to my house. I realize it's a dream, and try counting my fingers. I have five on the right hand, but seven on the left, and one of those seven is huge and misshapen. I shake my head, relieved, and tell her, "Never mind, this is just a dream. You can do what ever the fuck you want, I'm out of here." then I run through the kitchen and into the living room where I jump through the window. The window never seems to change, but I am able to pass right through it as if it doesn't exist. Part of me is still really unsure though. I know this is a dream, logically it can't be real, but my god it feels so real. usually my lucids still have a sort of muted dreamy quality to them. There may be one or two senses that I am focusing on, but all my others are normally quiet. Not this time, this time I smell the dirt and the grass, I see everything as real as life, I can feel the breeze and hear distant stormy noises, I can even feel my full weight of my feet on the ground below me. I think I'm going to try to force the unreal feeling by flying, but I can't get my feet to stay off the ground because I am struggling so much with how real it all feels. I notice the neighbors across the street have a trampoline in their front yard, and decide to try using that to launch myself into the air to fly. I run over and climb on, just to be completely blown away again by how much I can FEEL in the dream. I'm not just feeling the trampoline under my feet, I can feel the weave of the cloth moving below my feet, my hair moving around my face as I jump, and even the whole electric fear falling feeling in my arms and chest b/c I hate free falls. I try jumping higher and higher, noticing there's a trampoline in their back yard as well. I think maybe I can jump from one to the other and then take off in flight from the second trampoline since I can't get myself in the air on the first one. I jump to the second trampoline, and still can't get skyward. I decide to jump off the trampoline, the ground impact not hurting will surely break the whole "this is too real to be a dream" feeling, I land on the ground, feet first, with the impact throwing me slightly off balance so I end up on my hands and feet rather awkwardly and painfully. That totally didn't work as planned. I realize I have wasted a lot of dream time trying to force control of the dream, and I want to use my lucids to search for Kurasawa as much as possible, so I give up on control. I look for someone to ask about him, to find a direction to go. The neighbor has come out of her house, she's a middle aged black lady in the dream but I have never actually seen these neighbors in the whole year I have lived here. I walk towards her, and she stops as if a bit confused as to who I am and why I am in her yard jumping on her trampolines. I try to create a picture of Kurasawa to show her, but as hard as I try the square "picture" I am trying to draw into existence won't show up. I remind myself that I don't need to be able to see it, I just have to convince my brain that SHE can see it, and hold the air as if I am holding the picture. This works, and the lady stops, clearly in recognition, then takes an involuntary step backwards. "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I am looking for someone. Have you seen this guy? and can you tell me what direction I can find him in?" She shakes her head, and takes a couple of steps back as I take a couple of steps towards her. She ducks under her clothes line, and starts retreating to her back porch. I follow her, imploring her, "I know you've seen him. I can tell you recognize the picture. Please tell me where I can find him!" She continues to shake her head, climbs the steps of her porch, then turns back to me. She takes a deep breath, then points behind her house, deeper into the neighborhood and up a hill (In the real neighborhood, the hill goes down not up like in the dream). I can't remember her exact words now, but they were something like, "He's up there, where she keeps all the ones she uses to control people. I can't help you." I start to ask her who "she" is, but the lady hurries inside her house as if she's afraid to be outside any longer. I walk up onto the porch as if to follow her, wondering on my way up the steps who "she" might be. Is "She" one of the goddesses I have dreamed about in the last year? Could she be the goddess Bridge that I have found myself calling my patron in dreams? Is she my own sub conscience? Why is she holding onto him? Is she trying to control me with him? On the porch I look out over the neighborhood and up the hill in the direction the lady had pointed. I can see lots of houses of the neighborhood, even some of the modular homes in the subdivision they built adjacent to ours. I notice the corner of a house tucked in behind those modular homes, and it just sticks out to me as important. It just FEELS like Kurasawa is there. I zoom my vision in on the corner, and it's as if I am not only looking through binoculars, but also pushing the houses between me and it aside to see the full house in better detail. At that moment, the overcast sky comes to life in a stormy rage. Thunder growls, lightning crackles, and the wind whips all around me as the sky gets darker and darker until all I see is black. Thunder claps, and instead of lightening lighting up the area, my vision flashes with clips of newspaper too fast for me to read. I realize that I am losing control, possibly even the whole dream it's self. I can actually remember in the dream that there were thunder storms called for, and I am sure this is the storm arriving in the waking reality and bleeding over into the dream reality. I try to cover my ears to block it out, too panicked to realize that dream hands can't block out waking life sounds. I fall, spinning, through the blackness and wake up.

Dream Two- I am on some sort of beach trip with many of the coworkers I interact with the most. The whole dream is very confusing because it jumps back and forth in time. One of the girls I work with has a new white car that is super fancy and all kinds of expensive. She is very proud and protective of it. We've got a really rickety house that we've all rented with many rooms. Every family has their own room. My boyfriend and kids are playing video games, but I want to explore the area. I go outside and find a forest oddly nearby. The forest looks almost dead and abandoned, but as I walk through it I hear my boss telling us about it as we unpack in the shack (like a memory I guess) and then I watch as he talks about the legend of faeries and elves bringing the forest to life, the forest in fact does come to life. I can even see the little fairies flitting around making it glow and grow. I twirl and dance through the forest like a cheesy movie scene just enjoying the magic of it. Then I am walking into a little beach shop with my kids, boyfriend, and boss. I need to pee, so I find the bathroom. As I am pulling up my drawers a lady and her handicapped daughter literally break the lock on the door to get in. Realizing the girl's disability though, I try to be as understanding as possible and just jerk my pants apologizing that I must be taking too long. The lady grunts to me that they just couldn't wait anymore because her daughter is special, then starts to use the restroom right in front of me. I stumble around looking for a sink to wash my hands, and when I can't find one the woman calls me an idiot for not realizing there just isn't one and getting out of her way. The daughter is grimmacing at her mom's rude behavior though, and keeps giving me apologetic looks. I bow to the daughter slightly and tell her I am sorry to have caused her any trouble, and that I think she is far more special in a far better way than her mother could ever understand. She seems to get that I am telling her that she is a way sweeter, better mannered person than her mother, and nods. I am grateful that she gets I am bad with words, but think highly of her for putting up with such a mother. I scramble out of the bathroom and my exhusband is in the shop. He starts fussing and yelling at me for who even knows what, I can't remember. My boss comes over and tries to get in the middle to defend me and my character, and I feel awful about it. I run outside and hop in my coworker's brand new fancy smancy car. My exhusband follows me, climbs in the car, and starts berating me again, this time getting so angry he's flinging his arms and fists animatedly around the car hitting the windows and dash and seats (he's not a violent person, so in the dream it didn't seem dangerous even though it sounds like it was lol) I show him out of the car as hard as I can, and tell him to get lost. He storms off after slamming the door, and I realize the car is in shambles around me. He's busted the seats open and dented both interior and exterior. I start crying again as my coworker comes out freaking out over her car. She cries too. At some point we start laughing about how funny it is to see the car looking so bad if you aren't attached to the situation. Then, I wake up.

I woke up from a non-lucid but my recall sucked from lack of sleep.

I was in my house with two of my sisters. It was a cold evening, we were in the living room. I was holding a short bow. I shot and the arrow hit a wall, going deeply inside it. Younger sister went there and took it out - it left a huge hole. I couldn't hold control over the bow and shot again, this time at a ceiling.

We decided to join with rest of our family and went to a small stadium where a movie night was happening. We took our seats and the movie started. Suddenly I found myself in the movie. It was a sunny day. I was inside some modernly furnished house. I had a strange feeling that something is wrong. Looking to the kitchen I saw my sister standing motionless. I used backdoor to get out of house without her noticing me, but saw that the way out of backyard is blocked by my neighbors, also motionless. I went back to the house and tried to sneak up to my room for something to defend myself with. Suddenly one of the steps in stairs creaked and sister moved towards me. I ran to bathroom and took some wooden log to fight. She opened the door, I knocked her out with wood and took her by legs. She was light as feather and I could easily carry her around. I sensed someone in the kitchen - it was the mother. I jumped inside there and used sister as a cudgel. Mother looked like a rotting corpse, she caught the sister and said "Nice idea..."

I found myself back at movie night, though in different place. I went back to my seat and watched.

I was in a house & the whole dream was so full of twists & turns that it was ridiculously complicated that even I couldn't sort it out to write it down, lol. Not lucid though.

My mom, another person, and I were driving motor cycles around town. Mine was neon green and black. The other's were yellow and black and orange and black. My mom rode on the back wheel all the way up the road. We were all going kind of fast. We did a short loop around town before we got back. I was relieved because I had't driven a motorcycle before and didn't know how to drive it very well.

It was a sunny afternoon, sky was almost clear and it was quite warm. I was wandering straight on steel, rusty railroad. The railroad was towering high above the ground, standing on rusted steel beams. I got to a place where two railroads crossed and heard a train. I speeded up slightly, then jumped to another track, relieved that I avoided that train. I looked around and from this great height, I had a nice view of my home town.

6.3.16

Last night went to sleep before 8pm. Woke up 3am, remembered these 2 dreams.

DR 1
Someone tells me that my brother is upstairs and he is the last angel left in the heaven. I ran upstairs to my moms bedroom. It looks same as in WL. I feel other entities in there and it's like that's some kind of a portal to heaven. I yell out to my brother "Don't worry, I'm coming to help you fight for the Good".

DR2
I look up and above the almost solid layer of clouds I see a silhuette of alien spaceship. Then there is more of them and their smaller attack ships are flying towards us.

We ran inside where they can't reach us with their "though weapons" and we organize into reistance. I put on my comfy clothes and I'm trying to figure out how to attach my litesaber so it' easily removed and put back. I'm trying to hang it from my left brest pocket button hole.

I hear skype ringing, I ask my dad who is in the living room if he can't hear that. I answer and it's my brother. He says Ididn't call him back about his video message he left me. (he did that IWL yesterday). I tell him same what wrote to him in skype in answer to his video.

2/6/16
Dream 1: I was playing a game of basketball, however I was significantly taller than everyone else (more so than normal hehe, like around 7 feet tall instead of my 6 foot 5) I kept on blocking peoples shots and stealing from them, most of all with little fouls so I was having a very good game. At the end I was talking to my coach when he mentioned something about a recruiter for the state team looking at me.

Dream 2: I was in a lecture theatre I believe where John Haughm, frontman of Agalloch, was giving a lecture. After it finished I went down to him and started talking to him. I asked him a few questions about the band and he sat down with me and we had an in-depth conversation about Agalloch. Overall it was a really nice dream, left me feeling very satisfied until I woke up and realised it was all a dream lol.

Dream 3: I was either in a hospital or reading a magazine dedicated to the opening of a new hospital. The first thing I saw was a girl I used to know who was the first person to give birth at that hospital, there was a photo of her, her dad and her baby. I then had a bit of a tour of the hospital, all in all it was pretty flash with lots of wood panelling and colour.

Dream 4: My brother was talking about elder scrolls lore, in particular about this ape like race that walked really funny.

I am in a large building, a mall. It seems to have two primary sections that consists of a tower like structure including a parking cellar. Between the two tower sections is an elongated section of one or two stories, there are cafés and similar non-hard-goods shops. It is dark, there are a lot of people around that I know. We are there for the bar environment – it is as if it has a clubbing space inside one of the towers towards the ground floor. I am slightly on edge, flaky and restless – though not in a debilitating or severe way. The affective state I think is a result of me being confused about the interior of the building I am having a hard time finding my way about.

In the clubbing area there is a mixture of objects, some that seem to create a square or night-time-economy like feel, like outdoor lamps, signs tables and chairs. But there are also couches and fabric based furniture. There is a dim, but warm light surrounding the place, though the outside bar I am headed towards seem to be illuminated more intensely than the rest of the place. Kaiser is at the bar, I think he is waiting for his father to arrive. I go to sit down.

There are a few instances that occur, though I know not the temporal order.

The first is a reminder that I will have to get out cash, specifically pounds, as it will be easier to pay in the bars and shops if I have maybe 20-30 quid.

I am walking about in the overall mall structure – aware of the two towers layout – but I am confused as to where to go. I seem to find a lot of hallways meant to be behind the shop facades.

I am on the top of one of the towers. The light is grey, dusk. I am on a circular parking lot. There is a huge swing door providing entry to the mall, though it also seems like it is for the cars parked there.

I am walking around the circular lot. There are a lot of ethnic minorities – young people – walking about. They are wearing loose clothing, sweat pants and hoodies and generally seem to come across like gang related individuals. I feel anxious, on edge – constantly monitoring my surroundings to check if they will be attacking or approaching me – paranoid. I keep walking around and I start seeing people looking at me. In particular I remember two people wlking from the peripheral ring towards the centre of the tower, they glance at me and they seem intent on me as well.

Then a car come driving in – it is a light blue, almost turqoise or maybe that is the colour of the parked car, maybe both of them are this colour – and it rams into the side of a parked car. From my perspective there is no doubt it is deliberate. The driver gets out and approach the parked car's owner. I don't see a lot more. I turn around, anxious to get away, I start making my way around the lot towards the swing door entry. As I am making my way around I notice some obstructive structures, like spokes between the centre and the peripheral. As I am walking I notice that by now all the people are looking at me and walking towards me at a slow, but steady pace. And so I speed up and make my way inside.
….

When inside the dream shift theme. I am now in a dorm, a row of beds standing on both sides of the room. It is rather bright and everything in the room is pretty much white. I get the sense I am on like the top floor of the building. In the other beds there are people I know, from my high-school class in particular, but maybe also others from primary school.

Looking up to my left towards the door of the room I see Kirsten Busk enter the room. She looks about smiling asking what we are doing, and I sense she is keen to get moving.

“We are tensing off” – as you would following a yoga session, I say. A woman, next to Anne, turns her head and nods to me and indicate that it was a clever remark.

I am lying next to Anne Tøtrup. She is trying to kiss me, yet I miss the cue and when I try to revive it she is non-compliant. It is a playful encounter, mirroring the general atmosphere and my affective state. Young, free and uncaring – and a tad rebellious against the teachers who are there to make sure we have a safe field trip.

…

There is a skip and in the next room there is a similar set-up to the one just described. Except there is less white, more oakish dark colours as well as light tree. I enter the room and head towards the end of it where the beds are no longer separate but conjoined, which gives them a longer resting area to lie on. On the bed there is a light blue and white striped mattress running the entire length of the bed.
There is a guy with me – he seems dependent on me, or following me to some extent – and I say: “Well we might as well head towards the back, it seemed to work well the last time” in reference to the previously described aspect of the dream. And so I start working my way back.

On the way there I stop up and I see Esther van Santen get in one of the beds. I stop to think to myself “That is Esther” and at the edge of my consciousness I am ware that she is dead.
…

There is a brief session of running parcour, or more specifically I am looking for ways to do it – thinking I am awake. In the end I am at a rectangular exit/window at one of the towers, there is no door or glass in it. I close my eyes and expect to start soaring, feeling anxious.

I was trying to get away from someone. I didn't feel endangered but I knew I needed to escape. I saw a light and jumped in. I found myself coming out of a jacket that was floating in the air. I looked inside and saw my world. Then I plucked the jacket out of the air, put it on and walked away. I don't remember most of this dream but this felt like the coolest part of it.

Bed: ~00.00
Wake up: 07.55
Now: 08.05 (totally can’t focus on this due to arguing roommates)


Climbing
I'm sitting on a small balcony I believe. I’m with my friend Alex (and my girlfriend?). Alex is returning to her own country somewhere in the very near future, but she’s still got a grey Mercedes parked somewhere. She won’t drive it back to her country, so she hands me the keys to take care of it. Sweet! I don’t care about the car, but that means that she will come back. I already start imagining driving the car back together during a road trip somewhere in the future.

At some point the keys fall off the balcony. The balcony is on the 2nd floor. I scale down the balconies to reach the ground level and pick the keys up. There’s another set of keys on the ground. I pick those up as well. A few seconds later a white girl with dark brown (curly?) hair emerges from a front door just 1 metre away. I ask her if these keys are hers. I take a good look to make sure that I’m presenting the keys that I found to her and not my friend’s keys. I think she says those keys are her roommate’s. I hand them over, then climb back up the balconies. A bit later I scale down the balconies again for some reason. I do it quickly this time and catch myself thinking that I’m taking unnecessary risks the way that I’m dropping down right now.


Dorm
This may have been a continuation of the last dream. I’m finally alone now. I’m outside on the street and the sun is still out. I consider what I want to do. I start thinking about watching some porn. I know that I haven’t watched it in a while and actually banned it from my life, but I’m really in the mood for it right now. A group of guys approaches me. They look Indonesian. They ask me if I know where they can find the dormitory for international students. I tell them that I live there. I can’t recall in which language we were speaking. Where are they from though? It’s only for foreign students. These guys all look Indonesian. They mention being half Indonesian, half Dutch. I tell them that it’s cool as long as their passport is not Indonesian. I point them in the right direction. Someone suggests that I walk with them. Sorry, I can’t, I have something to do right now. I think it has to do with the porn, but also with something else. Someone suggests waiting for me. No need, it’s easy-ish to reach the dorm. I point them in the right direction, showing them the location on Google Maps as well. They start joking around a bit. One of the guys grabs my butt. Ok, too friendly there. Some more stuff happened, though I can’t recall what.

Aside from people I personally know and who are close to me, I normally dream about white people. Interesting that I dreamed about Indonesians (though I'm living in Indonesia right now, so *duh*).

Tram
I'm taking the tram and perhaps also the bus. The streets are unfamiliar, but the bus operator is definitely the one that operates in Amsterdam. I remember getting on the wrong one and needing to switch to another. I think I’m with someone. It’s dark out already.

If I dream about public transport, I dream about taking the wrong direction 99% of the time.

I'm on a train. There are many people around. One of them is Alfred, an online friend I haven't spoken to in years. I'm in his room and notice the tiny paper swords he's made on his bedside table. There's a chat room in which many people on the train are chatting. Some idiot starts spamming massive photos in the chat making me lose where I am in the list of messages. I try to scroll through them but there are too many. They are silly pictures of the people on the train. I decide to unfriend some of the people who did this. One of them is called the reverse of one of my old online pseudonyms, to mock me I guess. I know I wouldn't delete Alfred because he's an old friend. There are some girls, upstairs perhaps. We're talking about seeing ghosts and such. I tell them I've seen a lot of stuff and they seem to think a person needs to be on drugs to see anything like that but I know better. I think there is a ghost on the train.

I was driving a white car. Everything around was blurred, I hit something and the car's front got utterly destroyed. Then the car turned invisible and I drove in the air. Suddenly it turned into a few planks with wheels.

Morning of June 2, 2016. Thursday.



This dream, in the final segments, was the usual “coming down” waking metaphor which has occurred in the majority of my dreams (tens of thousands) and of course merely represents the biological waking mechanism.

The setting for the most part seems to be, very atypically, the lunchroom and auditorium area of my middle school as well as the north section (which has rarely featured in my dreams even when I was going to school there).

There is an unusual plot relating to finding an “ancient” technology related to space travel and a setup for launching a rocket (which actually appears of 1960s NASA design at one point though the new 2015 NASA logo appears at another point). However, it may also imply that I am in the distant future in some sort of science-fiction scenario. A group of people set up the launchpad on the stage with the “cannon” of this unusual device facing partly upwards but towards the audience area.

I feel a bit strange seeing what these (unknown) people are doing. The whole setup looks like some sort of odd composite of wrongly arranged rocket launch features, parts of a bed (obvious dream sign) and a cannon. Three unclothed males (another dream sign) are inside this large device that takes up most of the stage. The front-most setup actually looks like a male wrapped up in a blanket and a mattress around him (again, a rather amusing and “overly” obvious dream sign although I reach not an iota of lucidity). The two other males are each protruding from the side as if representing wing function.

I try to tell the authorities and spectators that this is not necessary and that the rocket will launch without risking the lives of the three men. No one really listens to me and the device is soon set off in a cannon-like event.

The rocket rises into the sky without incident, getting higher and higher, and everyone seems cheerful and amazed. I watch and it seems somewhat “realistic”. Soon though, the rocket does not have the required escape velocity - which is equivalent to the square root of 2GM divided by r, though this concept is intriguingly skewed in my dream.

Instead, in fact, the rocket crashes into the invisible seemingly solid dome-like interior of the Earth’s atmosphere, which does not seem that high (in comparison to where the first change of the layer would be). People are startled and it reminds me much of the Challenger space shuttle disaster, with trails of smoke arcing out and down.

After this, the scenario changes slightly. It almost seems as if I am now at a nude beach though where most are half-dressed (distorted dream sign), though still implied to be the same overall setting. At one point some schoolmates and I (all fully dressed) find the front of the skull of one of the would-be astronauts on the sidewalk near the north entrance. However, I then see it is a “Stars Wars” stormtrooper mask but still try to determine if it is actual human remains. I also very briefly and very vaguely get an eerie reference to Howard the Duck’s face (flight symbol) - not the utterly awful movie rendering, but the original Marvel art.

Soon, I go up to a row of three robotic but skeletal figures which are arranged on a slightly elevated platform and that apparently represent the remains of the would-be astronauts - though it may also be that they will be using these figures on another launch attempt. Looking at one figure for reference, I fit the “skull front” onto a figure that does not yet have it. The “mask” fits onto a feature where the implied eyes on the “robot” come out on stalks and it is almost like a snap-together model at this point and it easily fits on with four connections (eyes, nose, and mouth extensions on the stage feature). One boy tells me that this is not correct and I firmly tell him that it is the same as the other (which it is).

From here, I notice Zsuzsanna in the crowd, half-dressed. I decide to become intimate with her even though there is a very dense crowd at this point, and slowly wake from here.

---

Although a stage represents the dream state and its nature I am inclined here to reflect that it probably also is a play on “waking stage” since this is the setting from where the “coming down” metaphor is utilized. The “unreal” nature of the “remains” is the typical preconscious transition as in countless similar dreams.

A rocket represents rising in dream state awareness, which “fails” when the waking state reaches past the halfway mark (or the event horizon of the waking threshold). I have experienced this in thousands of various (but similar) ways since earliest childhood. The first dream sign in this one was about as obvious as possible to the point of being hilarious (yet I still did not catch it within my dream), that is, being launched by a device with bed-like features including three rolled-up mattresses.

Had a long chain dream.

In a large town hall, in a seated area listening to a forum on healthy living. Lots of opinions and ideas raised. It seemed to be mostly women in the audience, seems its related to some course of study.
I notice a couple if the women, though young are very sizeable.
From here we move onto another room, where there is food and beverages. I think its a break before the next part of the day.
I am bored and want to see what is going to be happening next.So I snoop around the building. It is a kind of labyrinth with lots of interconnected rooms on different levels, although it is quite a confined space. I realise that it used to be a school annex and they are using resources that were there previously. I notice old health displays and pretend food. My eye is drawn to a box of cornflakes and a plastic yellow corn cob next to it.
There is not much of interest here, however it is very quiet and kind if cosy.
I go through to the other room where everyone is still chatting and find a women. She has long fair hair and is fairly plump. I take her through into the empty part if the building and we start making out.