non-lucid

Bed: ~00.30
Wake up: 07.50
Now: 08.00


I'm at a cafe up in the hills of my city in Indonesia, together with my friend Ray. We decide to leave. He leaves just minutes, perhaps seconds before I do. We're using our motors. He took my helmet and left before I even arrived at my motor. Guess I'll just do without. I start driving, but notice a team of police officers not too far down the street. Damn. Ray's house is pretty much straight down and then a left. I don't want to risk getting caught by police. I stop by the side of the road and get out my phone. I look at Google Maps for an alternative route. There is one a bit east, but it looks like a major detour. In actual kilometres it's not that much of a difference, but judging from the size of the road, it's probably not well maintained, meaning I got to go slow. I weigh my options for a bit and then decide that I do not want to run the risk of getting caught.

I end up at a place that looks like a big mall in the Netherlands. I totally messed up the directions, but somehow didn't do too bad. I didn't come out where I expected to, but whatever. I'm talking to a guy from Africa, while walking towards the train station. He's just new and wants to do an internship and is looking for advice. The people at his intended office are not very response. I explain my experiences with an internship to him. In the mean time I notice that we've walked the wrong way and we trace back to go to the right place to enter the station. One of us is holding a bicycle. I think it's me.

Fragment from over night- I am in the car talking about creating things in the world via manifestation. The car is parked at a restaurant near the house I grew up in, but the restaurant has been closed in waking life for a long time and was actually torn down a month or so ago for road expansion.

Nap Fragments:

Fragment One- I am walking with a small child, maybe 3 or 4 years old, through some grass and woods. I tell the child to watch his step because he doesn't want to step on a copperhead or anything. As soon as I say that, the child runs forwards giggling, not watching his step, and gets bit by a copperhead. I pick him up and rush to my car, letting one of the girls I work with (we'll call her K) know that I am taking him to the hospital and why. I think he may be her son?

Fragment Two- My boyfriend and I are at some sort of car show. A guy I work with, S, is there with his car too. It's not for any particular type of vehicle though, and there are some really crazy looking themed cars with weird names like "the golden god" and "beast mobile". All the cars are parked side by side like ||||| but some announcer calls out the name of each car going down the line and when your car's name is called you back out of the line for everyone to see, then park at a diagonal like \\\\\ When it is our turn, we park super close to the straight car on our left and worry that they may hit us on their back out. they don't but they have to pull in super close to the car on their other side, and it starts a domino effect making us worry more with each car that someone is going to hit someone else's car down the line.

Created Saturday 25 June 2016

Guess I've gone long enough without posting here, and for silly enough reasons at times. Anyway, there were about five dreams I remembered today, but I only know of fragments for all but the last one.

Scrap Group 1
Me and some of my siblings were cruising through the highways at daytime. We reached a cityscape, only to get lost in its streets.

Something about an old friend visiting?

I imitate Mortal Kombat's Quan Chi, bringing forth a group of glowing green skeletons from the ground while cackling (like so). My brother, Fred, questions the type of helmets and armor worn by the undead. Someone else complained that this armor made the skeletons overpowered.

I'm in the vast interior of an office building or somesuch, keeping to the lobby to either wait for someone, or just not to get lost. I soon had to use the bathroom, and go to a short hallway to find it. Industrial curtains concealed most of the openings, which I assumed meant the area was off limits. And yet, on peeking through the blinds, I did indeed find some public restroom entrances.

I'm in a big classroom, a science class, I thought. The teacher, a short, dark skinned middle aged woman, is collecting homework. I realized I didn't even start on it. Furthermore, it was a very simple assignment, more a short questionnaire than anything relevant to the class. There goes an easy 'A'. I then seat myself on a high chair in the middle of the class, barely minding that I had no surface to write on. Pretty sure this dream transitions into, or at least influenced, what comes next.


Dream 1 - Post-Human

The visuals were a bit blurred. I was in a lounge, a place constructed of dark wood. Several other people were in the area, each wearing corporate casual attire, and seating themselves on reddish-brown couches in the area. We were scientists, geneticists and gene engineers, mostly. Our specialty was human cloning, and we've advanced enough to grow subjects of almost any age, yet by that point, such technology wasn't at all novel. Instead, our interests were in memory enhancement at creation, but short funding drove that project to a standstill.

Nothing of interest at first, just a group of bored people sulking quietly. Eventually, a pale, brown haired little girl in a white robe appeared. Clearly, one of the subjects for the memory experiments. She previously showed no conclusive results, and so, was contained until future transfer for rehabilitation and, eventually, adoption. Her early presence and mobility was unexpected, but such a thing wasn't unheard of. A few others slowly reacted to recontain her.

Just then, the girl spoke, talking of various specifics in our tests. This was surprising, but it could have just been mimicry. The subject walked to a cabinet, where she pulled out stray phials of chemicals. and quickly mixed and applied a concoction onto herself. Through some fog, her form changed, the least of which was her being about 18 - 20 years of age. More pronounced was her new size, easily 15ft tall, and her being composed of innumerous, floating, gleaming glass-like shards.

Me and the others stood dumbstruck, though one man remained incredulous, doubting this form's durability and stability. This annoyed the subject, who stamped off towards the nearest exit. With a precise, powerful kick, she sends the door flying off its hinges. The others speak uninhibitedly, saying stuff about matter manipulation and instant knowledge of martial arts.

The glass-girl leaves to some hallways, the scientists flocking towards her with endless queries, her answers laconic and distant in tone. I followed as well, but kept my distance, and to myself. I mentally questioned the consequences, and above all, ethicality, in all this.

In time, the subject squeezed herself into another room. Before anyone else followed, another fellow spoke of similar concerns to mine. Everyone froze to contemplate. Maybe they too realized the implications. Well, except for one man, who placidly expressed his achieving his life work: the creation of a transhuman. Outrage sparked, and the scientists bickered amongst one another. I alone stepped forth to question this new creation.

Now, I was in a wide space constructed of blue metal. There, the "transhuman" was seated hands down and a knee up on the floor, lost in thought. She stares harshly at me, though this softens to a mix of regret and longing. I sensed she already knew what I'd say. Through much stammering, I ask on her concerns, if any, of humanity and morality, though the forward, confused manner in which I did so made me feel foolish.

The glass-shard being remained silent. She leaned closer to me, and outstretched her hand to my eyes. This reformed into a curious, maze-like symbol, the walls indented black. As I followed the pattern, blue liquid filled in the transparent lines from top to bottom. One wider section contained the substance in such a way so as to keep some empty space.

Things get hazy, caused by some distracting media comparisons. This had to do with the water physics of Dwarf Fortress and Terraria, of all things. Not sure what else happened until the dream ended. After recalling this dream, I realized the strange woman was no transhuman. She was a post-human.

Bedtime:
10:30pm
Wakeup:
5:30am

Didn't end up falling asleep until after 11:30, so didn't get a full 8 hours last night.

Dream 1 (fragment):
I was in a mini van listening to a CD I got from the library, it was all Beatles music. This is the 2nd time I've listened to the Beatles in my dreams lately, I think it's because I watched the Anthology documentary recently. Anyways, my old dog Stormy was there again (2nd time this week!) she left a big muddy pawprint on the seat when she jumped out of the van, but I didn't mind because I was so excited to see her!

Dream 2:
I had to go back to my high school (dreamsign!) for some sort of meeting, though I was vague on the details. All I knew was that if we didn't go, our diplomas would not actually be valid. It ended up being a movie night, we were watching "Space Jam 3" which I don't think exists in WL, but anyways, I was there with my friend Laura and I realized my hair was really long on the top and really curly. I remember looking in the mirror very excitedly because I've always wanted curly hair. By the end of this movie, I remember saying "is this really all the wanted us here for? This is a requirement for us to get our diplomas, but really it's just to get us to buy stuff" I don't actually remember buying anything, but that's how I was feeling, apparently. Once we were released, I ran through the hallway to get back to my apartment, but i had a textbook in a backpack I was wearing and it was really slowing me down. Running took a lot of effort, the bag was SO heavy, even though there was only one book. I remember thinking "wow, I've really gotten out of shape since I graduated high school," but really it's because I was DREAMING, should have done an RC... anyways, I was running so hard and getting so sweaty, that by the time I got back to my room, my hair was all wet and it was straight again. It also looked like my hair was thinning a lot on the top, I barely had any left.
I got back to my room to find my three roommates (none of them are my WL roommate) who were all in my graduating class, and they were working out. Our apartment was a gym, and my bed was just a couch on the side. Then i had this fake dream memory where I remembered my WL roommate was just letting me crash with her because I hated my real living situation. I decided I would go back and stay with her, because I had a real bed and room to myself.
The dream ended where I was driving to get something from walgreens. I almost walked, but the sun was starting to set and I didn't want to walk in the dark. Before I even arrived at walgreens, I noticed it was pitch black outisde. "wow," I thought, "It really did get dark quickly, good thing I drove,"

I feel like this whole dream I was noticing the strange inconsistencies, but didn't once think to try and RC! Before I went to bed, I was really focusing on doing a RC when I saw a dreamsign, but it looks like it didn't work, though the fact that I was noticing anything at all is a step in the right direction, I think!!

I'm about to take an afternoon nap... I'm hoping for a LD

My brother and I were going to road trip all the way to los angeles. We had to pick a car, and for some reason we were in the same school, and the school was going to pay for the car. We went to a massive car lot that had everything from lamborghinis to mopeds but we took so long to choose we were kicked out. Too bad.

Dream #1: non-lucid- All the details were very vivid in this dream. All the way down to cups & silverware & blankets & furniture etc. Jason & I were at college & were dating but then he turned in Bobby. We were hanging out on campus & doing normal college like stuff like eating together & romantic stuff. But then last nights dream guy became my new guy somehow & we were beginning a new romance & kissing & taking walks. I was staying in a rental w/ some other people now off campus & we were getting tired so I told him he could crash there with me. There was some weird reunion of people at my house & then the lights went dark & I sat on him.


Jason & Bobby were childhood friends of mine. The dream guy from the night before was weird.



Dream #2: non-lucid & lucid- I was at Richie's farm. But it only had very few details of the original. We were having a family reunion where I had become a permanent part of the family. There were a good 80 people or so there in the big farm house & outside. Lots of cars & trucks & other things that are normally on the farm. (Became Lucid) The details were intensely realistic & normal. Real things such as knickknacks everywhere. Everyone knew who I was & they were telling me who had had kids & married such & such & pulling out photo albums left & right. Lots of memories were going along with all of these things. This was extremely elaborate & there was a futuristic field they were showing me across the street where life had changed for all of us. It was elaborate with technologies that we don't have now for everyday life. A whole new system of farming & hovering crafts for water system & flying machines running the farm.... At this point I felt I was supposed to go back to my original families house but I was torn & really didn't want to go because of how all that turned out for me before.

Richie & her husband were one of my foster families. I was actually lived there twice. The first time I was going to go home to try & reintegrate me w/ my real family but it didn't work. I won't elaborate on that right now. I then came back after a few months but eventually I broke the rules of prom by leaving w/ my prom date from the after party. We still left amicably. I really loved them. They were good people. I even got a tattoo from one of my foster sisters (actually I put them on myself with her stuff & she gave me a dot on my shoulder to always remember here) & we went to high school for a while together in a whole other town.

Dream #3: Non-Lucid-Nightmare- I was in this house behind mine which is now a bunch of apartments. People busted in while my daughters house & these people were stealing all her shit. More very detailed stuff in it. I pulled out my phone to call the police & at some point I had to put it back cuz they almost caught me trying to call on them & they were an unsavory bunch. At the end I pulled it out & this woman just laughed at me & said "Good luck with that". Somehow she had magically took my phone which was now in her hands & fake phone was in mine. They tore out of there at that point & I woke up.

Recently I've tried not to interfere when I become lucid to work on noticing details. Apparently it's working. I've always noticed that when you try to change your dreams when you become lucid you take a big risk of losing a lot of details so I'm working on mastering details more lately.


Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Explanation of details-Blue
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

I was walking to my car and it was engulfed in a hedge growth. I tried to break through to sit in the front seat and wait for [someone]. My cat appears from a tree and the branch bends and lowers her to the ground- she looks as if she might fall but doesn’t.

I am still outside in the same area. I see a squirrel and I bend down and it comes to me. I don’t have anything to feed it so I get up before it approaches my hand.

I am in trouble in school, and I have to stay behind for in class detention along with around 5 other students. The teacher is a woman that in waking life I don’t recall ever seeing before. She doesn’t like me, as if I have behaved terribly and deserve no respect. She lets the two students she likes go home, and ignores us. The two other students and I get angry at how she is treating us. I get up and move to leave as well, and I knock things off of her desk.

I get a newsletter via email titled ‘The Dawn of the Voice.’

Thoughts:
The newsletter is probably a reference to a design job I might have to work on. I slept well and all the way through the night last night, but I felt frustrated this morning that I didn’t wake up immediately remembering my dreams. Once again I feel like I am not being very mindful and feel more determined to practice awareness and ramp up my meditation times.

A Japanese "castle" that I explored with a group of others?

Sailboating somewhere (not me driving) off the coast. The weather looked like it was getting pretty bad when we left (dark clouds approaching, already pretty high waves), so I wondered if this was really a good idea.

I was with some kid in the desert, next to a large structure. We wanted to leave. I started climbing a sandy hill, but the sand was deep and hard to move through. The hill suddenly turned extremely steep (90°), so it was impossible. A kid (possibly accompanied by another) appeared on top, seething with anger. He was mad at the kid who was with me, I think. I asked him why he was so angry. He replied that he had shown a potential customer the apartment, and that customer didn't want to rent it. Or something like it. He was in our way, and I didn't want to be trapped in there forever (it was the only way out), soI walked up to the wall of sand and kicked it. The sand collapsed, and the kid on top fell down with it. He immediately attacked me, possibly wielding some kind of stick or bat. I kept fighting, until I realized I must have been 15 years older than this kid and could easily overpower him. With some help of the other kid (he was possibly inspired by "Piggy" from Lord of the Flies, I watched the 1990 film yesterday and am still reading the book) I got him on the ground. He was swearing, but I grabbed his throat with both hands, and in the heat of the moment felt the desire to kill him. I squeezed hard, he went red and coughed a bit. I leaned closer, bit into his neck and savagely ripped out a chunk of flesh. Last thing I remember is me saying "Die, you little shit!". Then I woke up.

I was with my family in some kind of sports hall. Family from whole country gathered and we were playing some basketball before we were about to enter a church. With group of cousins we didn't wanted to go there, so we were circling around it. Suddenly I heard my mother's voice, she was talking to me through a window "What are you doing?! Have God abandoned you?!" We immediately entered the building and took our seats.

Next day was cold and rainy. Whole family drove away to their homes. We entered a small shop with my mother, it had a sign "Forestry equipment". There was an old man behind the counter. I looked around the shop - it was arranged like a small forestry inspectorate. Maps and equipment were laying on shelves and counter. I was quite interested in prices of various tools and maps. We talked about forestry overall, then the man went away and a woman appeared to serve us. It was a brunette woman with arms length hair, in long, black dress and with quite pretty face. She was in her late twenties. She had a similar face to the shop owner, she probably was his daughter.

Thought I'd add another dream to my log.

The only thing I remember of last night, is that I was murdering children. Yes. With my bare hands. And I didn't feel anything. No anger, no remorse, nothing. I think I killed a dozen of them, and was still doing this when I woke up. I have plenty of violent dreams, or "rage dreams" in which someone pisses me off or attacks me, but this was unprovoked. Very disturbing.

I recall only a short fragment, in which I was working in forestry inspectorate.

Outside view of ‘my house’ [not house in waking life] It is dark outside, but the house is white and lit by moonlight. On the roof there is a small cemetery. Suddenly I am in the house, upstairs, near the window facing the cemetery. I hear a voice whispering my name: ‘soooolaaeeetttiiiaaa…I’m looking for sssooolllaaaeettiiaa…’ I open the window and there is a small creature with a black hooded cloak. It asks me if I will tickle it. <This sounds way more scary as I type it than it was experiencing it. The creature, although it’s skeletal face was mostly obscured, seemed benign.

I was working at the old cafe, but we had desks and small 8”-10” retro monitors. One of my monitors just said ‘baseball’ in white type on a black screen. A man who was either just hired or a new client hovered over me as another boss/employee explained what I was working on. I felt my space was being violated. Later, I was in the restroom and a man walked in looking around for things. I yelled at him to get out, and he argued that he knows what I look like and isn’t interested in me, he just needed some things from this room. Again, I felt violated.

People from the cafe were boxing up there things, I was one of the last people in the building. I had three bags and many different clothes and shoes that I was trying to gather and decide what to wear. A girl was lugging her things out and remarked on all the people being jailed. I responded that I was surprised or something, and she asked me in a slight shock if I wasn’t being arrested too? I said no they hadn’t arrested me, and she seemed to think that was unfair and continued on her way.


Thoughts:
My dreams seem uninteresting and meaningless at the moment, and I don’t feel like I am gaining much insight- expect that I am not very attend to my inner self at the moment. Maybe that’s the point. I feel distracted by things going on in my waking life. I know though that continuing to journal I will have some break throughs and get back to where I want to be, and hopefully progress from there.

Dream 1-Non-lucid: I was in this great big school & it was very detailed & we went to another school even. My mindset was trying to give helpful advice & interact a lot & I was really popular. Finally I told everyone to guess how old I was & people were guessing 10-15 yrs older than I really am. I was saying "really, I look that old?" Then I told them that I just wanted to go back to school for a different experience & that I have done this before.


That was a reoccurring dream but the details are always different. I have these because I was torn from my home when I was 13 & went to a bunch of different foster homes & 2 yrs in a group home. I also didn't have a regular graduation but did get my GED on my own over a 2 week period when I was 17 so I always was proud of how I actually graduated before everyone else did. I didn't want to stay in the state system any longer than necessary. I would have had to repeat my junior year to missing too much school because I had was out of school due to my appendix & wisdom teeth so making up a month of work wasn't possible. Hence the reoccurring dream.


Dream 2-Non-lucid: I was living in this house which was dilapidated & found another house under my house which was pristine & was completed furnished with kids rooms & another door that led outside complete with a porch. I asked someone if I would now have more equity to get a loan to fix up the part of the house I had previously lived in & they said yes so I started doing this. Some guy came to my front door which I now have 2 of but almost like it was a duplex kind of set up with 2 porches but now 1 complete house. The guy had a little girl & little boy & he was asking about my mysterious house. I explained to him that this has happened to me before. My porch was covered with all of these beautiful plants!

This dream also was a reoccurring dream with differences. Sometimes I find a crazy big labyrinth of another house that goes on & on & sometimes it has other things such as portholes or floors that you could fall through. But to have 2 reoccurring dreams in one night, let alone back to back is a first. The house dream is also about me moving a million times & living in places that are not ideal. My current house has been through sooooo much shit that I will have to pay off before I can move. No more insurance coverage for anything at this point. It's been through the big Joplin tornado, had a house fire, had massive storms that have had my neighbors trees fall through my roof twice. The limbs also came through when we had the tornado. Another time one came through my front porch & through the floor of it. Hole is still there. Frozen water pipes. Destroyed carpets & tiles. Bathroom with a floor that was torn up when a guy put in our toilet. Omg, the list just goes on & on.... Don't feel sorry for me. I don't. I just deal with it & pray for change in the future.

Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Explanation of details-Blue
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Just remembered another dream fragment as I was scrolling through dream journals.

Dream 3 (fragment):
My childhood dog Stormy is in the house, playing with me, energetic as can be. Then I realize it's weird that I'm seeing her, I haven't seen her in a long time. Then I look over and my parent's current dog, Reilly, is laying on the floor. Stormy goes over to him and they start playing. It's good they can get along, I think.

This could have been an obvious dreamsign, since Stormy died 5 years ago IRL, but I was too into the dream to realize. It was nice to see her, though.

Bedtime:
10:15pm
Wakeup:
7:30am

Recall wasn't so good last night, I didn't have my focus. I had a 10 hour work day, so my sleep was very deep. Did recall one solid dream though.

Dream 1
I was at a mass in a town near where I grew up, and my whole family was there. Halfway into the mass, this woman started giving a presentation, but there was some kids who were being really loud. I didn't witness exactly what happened, but the woman made these kids leave. I saw the mother gather her children and yell "Don't worry, we won't be coming back!" and she looked really angry. The next thing I know, my aunt goes up to the woman and ruins her presentation. She scribbles all over her whiteboard and says some stuff to her about how you can't just kick children out of the church. Then she realizes how embarrassing her actions were and starts crying. I get up and take her to the sacristy, and she's crying and says she was just really mad at how the woman treated that family. Then the priest comes in to talk to her, and I'm just sort of observing the whole thing. I forget what he was saying to her, but then the woman came in and she seemed really embarrassed and emotional as well. My aunt wouldn't talk to her or even look at her, and then I think we left.

Dream 2 (fragment):
This fragment is like a fake memory from high school, there's a bunch of kids from my class in a park behind my house, and we're all doing this music video with choreographed dancing and singing. I remember seeing my best friend from high school, who I haven't spoken to in years IRL, and I just remember avoiding her the whole time, even though we were still in high school and supposedly still friends. Awkward feelings...