non-lucid

I'm writing some weird phrases on my sofa. It's a red crayon and it seems I can easily delete what I write, as it is eraseable.
Can't remember exactly the problem, but it was about remember things, as I have a bad memory for superficial things, but it could be they are ''superficial'' things for me, not for everybody else, so it's better I write them down in order to remember!
So, I was explaining this thought to someone (can't remember who), but when I turn to look at this person, I notice the room is empty!
I'm angry, as I was talking to no one for a lifetime now, and this remind me of Ulysses and his Polyphemus. So I draw a face with one eye and I start to invent a story about it.
More I draw, mountains and rivers and roads, more the story becomes interesting.
I pretend someone is listening to me, even if I know no one is there.
But when I turn back to watch at my imaginary audience, my dog is there.
I'm exceptionally happy and after a while I ask my dog how she could come back from death, as it could be the century discovery.
She can't talk so she takes the crayon and starts to play with it.
I think she is drawing the answer, but she is only hungry and she eats the crayon.
I'm scared it can make her sick, so I put my fingers in her throat and I notice a tumor.
I woke up very sad.

OKAY LET'S SEE

Dream - Disappointment
So I dreamed that I somehow saw a brand new scene from the movie Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, where Cloud was in the Forgotten City being interrogated by Kadaj on the location of something important (my brain apparently tried to come up with something important that Kadaj would want the location of, and came up with "glue"). I really liked this new scene and went looking for it on YouTube after I "woke up", but attempts to search for it by entering such scene-relevant quotes as "Give up the glue" for some reason only brought up videos I had no interest in, such as The Running Man "Give Up the Glue". I eventually became fully convinced, much to my disappointment, that it had only been a dream, and that I would likely never see the scene again. :c

False Awakenings
Lessee, then that YouTube false awakening aside, I had a couple more false awakenings re: something I had to do real quick at 7 AM-ish before falling asleep again. I had two different dreams where I accomplished the task, and when my alarm finally woke me up at 7 AM I was half-convinced I'd already done it a couple times, when in reality I'd never (as far as I can tell) left my bed.

Dream - Frustration
So this one started out with Jess and I chilling in this otherwise-empty house, perhaps abandoned by its previous residents. We were in the bathroom with the bathtub filled with water, but when I looked in it I saw two weird insect-things I'd never seen before. They seemed to be an aquatic version of house centipedes, though with marginally thicker legs and fewer of them, which were squirming on the surface of the water like protozoa (thanks BIO 101). I called in this strangeness to some radio or TV show, who promptly announced to everyone that some 14 million cases of these weird insect-things being in peoples' homes had been reported.

Then mom drove up and frickin' took me away from the house for some reason. I didn't particularly want to leave, but next thing I knew I was in the car and we were racing down the highway. I started sort of crying (it felt like I couldn't really cry, just sort of half-cry?) to try to convince her to take me back to the house, but it seemed to just make her annoyed. Then I tried to open the door to potentially jump out, but the force of the wind outside made it impossible to open. So I settled on crying and hoping Dad wouldn't suddenly appear in the front seat, since he would've seen right through this weirdness and told me to cut it out.

Then I'm not sure what happened. I ended up in the middle of nowhere at night, trying to find a way to head back. I seem to remember performing some stunt where I ramped a truck off something in a reckless manner, and I may have encountered a homeless guy or hitchhiker or something, who was my key to getting back to the house. But I'm not totally sure.

I somehow ended up back at the house. Still nighttime, and now Jess and Mom were on the front porch, apparently witnessing my arrival. I was incredibly irritated by having been relocated, and looked over to see what looked like an 18-wheeler fuel tanker chilling in the dark nearby. I reached out and grabbed it with psychic power, feeling a satisfying sense of weight as I lifted it into the air. I slammed it down on the front yard (apparently lifting things into the air and then slamming them to the ground is a thing I do nowadays). Then I hopped up on top of it, and started channeling intense heat around my hands. I pressed both palms against the truck, and the metal turned molten (though without glowing), allowing them to sink through. As I did this, I noticed that my hands felt at first cold, and then lukewarm; one of the things I worry about when I consider using fire powers is the potential that I would just burn myself, but it seems to be a nonissue.

I think I was trying to cause a gas explosion or something, though not with the intent to hurt anyone. I was just really irritated and lucid enough to realize that I could do what I wanted. I think that's where I woke up, though.

- - - - - - - - - -

Update: April 26 2014 (aka the next day)
At the time I had this dream there was some stuff about it that didn't make sense, like the part where I tried to manipulate mom by crying (very petty behavior, something I don't think I could ever do IWL) and the fact that I saw Dad as someone who would see right through my attempts at manipulation (IWL he's more clueless than shrewd).

Then, today, I got into a big shouting match with Dad. Apparently he'd been building up tension ever since Mom requested that we have the house totally cleaned up by Tuesday, so a photographer can take pictures. He tried to hint at how we should do a little at a time, say five minutes here and there, so it would get done early, although the rambling way he requested it made it a little hard to take seriously. And then he blew up tonight (after some prompting on my part). Some of the things he mentioned was the fact that he feels like Mom and him can't request favors from us (my sister and I) and that he feels like they're too easy on us. He felt that Mom in particular is helpless to request that we get things done, or maybe it's that we won't get things done without plenty of prompting and her being over my shoulder.

After his temper tantrum I certainly felt like slamming an eighteen-wheeler around. The obvious parallel aside, it seems to me that Mom driving me to somewhere I don't want to go while I act passive aggressive about it and hope Dad doesn't show up and make me stop is a parallel to Mom requesting that I get cleaning done while I put it off and Dad tries to have me get it done early.

Not trying to imply that I'm some kinda weird psychic or anything, I think I was just sort of unconsciously picking up on the stress signals Dad was sending out.

The sad thing is it's not like I'm some slacker who doesn't get things done. I'm going to sleep the stress off, wake up after a good night's sleep, grab a shower and some tea and bomb the absolute heck out of my to-do list, and it's gonna be super satisfying, especially after I got basically nothing done today. And all this drama will have been completely unnecessary, except for pushing my bedtime back another hour, and giving this dream some reasoning behind it.

In other news I'm thinking of reading Freud's Interpretation of Dreams. Still pretty skeptical about him (my Psych professor doesn't like him), but the more one reads, the more ideas one has to draw from.

Date: Apr 25
Sleep Length: 6h
Techniques: DILD
Dream Summary:
(1) I was at a place where I could eat free food. (Perfect dream, haha). It was like a cafeteria, I seemed to go there every morning and there was a bunch of people my age (like 100-200). Maybe it was kinda like a special school, idk. There were special kinds of food, like some chocolate-nut mix, weird yellow berries (Physalis I think), loads of orange juice and semi-opaque bluish jelly. the place with the hundred people was downstairs, upstairs there were about 10 people, which seemed to be more arrogant and "better" or smarter (teachers? rich nerds?). I almost always accidentally went to the "better" people at first, until I realized I'm at the wrong place and went downstairs.
Vividness (1-15), Awareness (1-10): 1/2
Emotions: happy about the food, pretty anti-social
Tags: PT, morning, free food, chocolate nut, yellow berries (Physalis?), orange juice, stairs

Note: recall after 1 hour, I moved too much

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


I see my cousin João playing with other kids on ths street park. I join them. There's a kind of standalone treehouse from which we can slide down and jump and I have great fun, but I start noticing some strange thing about these kids: they are all athletic, enjoy being outside and are fierce enviromentalists. That's good, but a bit suspicious. I notice my cousin is extraordinarily kind and good boy, and I fail to recognize him as I remembered. Then I see a kid hugging a tree and that's ok, until the point in which every one of his hairs light up on the tip and fuse with the tree trunk, like the connection the aliens on Pandora have with the other animals and plants. Ok, what is going on?
That's when they take me to the coast and I see numerous tiny creatures, like gnomes and goblins, rising from the sea. They tell me they have been secretly transforming the kids and will now make a full scale invasion of the planet, to stop the humans from destroying what's left of the world's ecosystems. They make an implant in me, that is supposed to tranform me into one these kind, peaceful, green mutant, like the kids, but I resist the brainwashing power. I mean, I am already like them, but I want to still think for myself. In the end I think: is it that bad that they will turn every human into a nature loving person and the world will be ruled by mythical guardians of nature? I guess it's just fine for me!

April 25, 2014

Last night bed 8am - 4:40am

Yesterday I took 100mg of Bcomplex around 3pm.

Miserable night. Kept waking up every hour or so. I probably miss being more active on my work days (yesterday and before I was off). Also some other crap.


DR1 12am

Once again, my dream mimics my daytime emotions. Fuck this.

I'm at home, we have family visiting us. I get up, squeeze by them and walk away. Everybody is looking at me like wtf? Why is she leaving. I don't like leaving like that, but I guess I have had enough.

DR 2

Very very uncomfortable dream. My own parents don't trust me. My dad catches up with me somewhere on the sidewalk where I'm sitting, curled up in a ball, bare feet dirty, a mess. He is acusing me of being homeless and why don't I get help from them or something. I yell at him I have a job and place to live.

Last dreams of the night never had a chance. Thoughts of my day flood my mind the moment I wake up and override any remnants of a dream.

April 24th, 2014 - I dreams I was pregnant, but single and unemployed. I was almost at full term and lived with my family in a small sea side town. I did not want the baby but could not abort because everyone else in my family was excited about it. I could not even talk about not wanting the baby because it would have appalled everyone in the small town. I was expected to be a good little dutiful mother even though I did not know where the father was. (In the dream I literally could not remember who the father of my child was at all). The dream ended with me going to give birth soon and I was emotionless and still conflicted about wanting the baby, even dreading it's arrival, while everyone else around me rejoiced.

April 25th, 2014 - I was male and a vampire with medium length white hair and wearing a long black trench coat. I lived in a small Medieval village that was surrounded by a thick stone wall. Outside the wall was a dense, maze-like forest filled with many nasty creatures like other vampires, werewolves, and demons, as well as normal forest animals. The wall was there to keep the other bad creatures out so they did not attack humans but I was allowed to sit on the roof tops of the villager's houses at night and drive away any infernal creature that tried to attack the people. In the morning, before the sun rose, the people would leave me jars of pig's blood, on their doorsteps, as payment. I slept during the day in an old gated cemetery just outside the town wall, which the forest was slowly overtaking. There was something in the dream that magic was normal in this world but forbidden in town because the blood of magic users would be specifically targeted by vampires and demons seeking to feed off of "powerful" blood.

Black = Normal dream
Green = False Awakening


I had apparently dropped out of my old high school or moved and started going back into it again after awhile. Everyone was making fun of me/taunting me about the whole experience, and I was trying to ignore them.

I was in the gymnasium for awhile, where there was a orange and black marbled kitten-puppy hybrid playing with me. I started rubbing his tummy and he began kicking his leg up like a dog would do.

When I came back in the building, I discovered that my backpack that was holding my laptop in it was gone. A classmate of mine told me that I hadn't ever had one to begin with because I wasn't really a student there. I argued with him, and he finally gave in and said he had stolen it from me.

I woke up from the dream and turned on my computer. My boyfriend was on, so I asked if he could Skype with me. I told him about the dream I had, emphasizing the part with the cat/dog mix. Then everything faded and I woke up for reals.

Things that stand out:

• I was in high school
• There was made-up creature
• My boyfriend doesn't come on in the morning

NON LUCID
*I thought I should get some for my girlfriend before I go home. I know for sure this will make her happy. It was night time as I pulled into a parking lot. I got out of the car and walked into a do nut some. I believe this shop was owned by Asian folks. For some reason I kind of ignored them as if I was a cooler or something. I notice that this shop sold do nuts all day long 24 hours. I ordered my girlfriend this huge do nut and I got my usual eclair.

*I remember debating with someone on an artist about the time of his work.

*Walking with my brother into a grassy field, he told his is where the energy is. The energy had something to do with Lama Zopa. I said ahhhh I can feel it. Then I looked over and noticed a beautiful african tribe singing this beautiful. The feeling I got was of amazing and some kind of unknown spiritual energy. I thought I could join them but I would hate to ruin just a beautiful thing. I didn't want to draw attention to my self or stand out in anyway so I just watched.

I can't place the setting, but it wasn't near my house now so I must've been in another one. The night before had a tornado, and now everyone was coming out and looking at the damage that had been done.

A man that I recognized from being on the Survivor in last night's episode (I don't watch it regularly, so I don't know his name) was going around asking people if they needed help with picking up the debris.

After everything had been picked up, he sprouted angel-like wings and flew off into the sky.

Things that stand out:

• Not in my house
• Man from television
• Magical powers (flying)

I'm talking with an old friend of mine.
He says that Summer is almost here and I'm not ready. I really don't know what he is talking about and he touches my arm and says I'm not tanned. I argue that this is BECAUSE Summer has still to come and I can't be tanned before Summer comes.
My friend seems angry at me for the answer and calls other friends of us.
We go in a old university residence. It became a labyrinth since we left and we start to go up and down to see all the changements.
Finally we found a room. My friends agree it is the best, but I don't like the room so much.
It is little and the beds are too close one another. Also in order to use the desk, we have to move the beds, so it is not comfortable.
Also i don't want to share the room with the other male friends, so I would like to choose another room.
The other girls though want that room, and when they say that the guys will have another room, finally I agree, after choosing a bed with a red duvet.
We help the guy to find another similar room, and they are happy to be close to our room, so they can make noise and keep us awake all night long.
We come back to our room and we start to put all our things in our drawers, keeping talking about holidays and our studies.
The day after tomorrow I already will have a test and I need to study.
We find out that the bathroom is the worst part of the room.
It is minuscule and water is rationed and cold, but time is expired to choose another room and we need to go and sleep.
It's my turn to use the bathroom, but when I'm about to step in, another girl push me in the bathroom and lock the door.
I think she needs to secretly talk to me. Instead she starts to flirt with me. I don't like her at all and, as the bathroom is really tiny, she is too close to me and she touches me with nonchalance, like it was not wanted.
I start to feel very uncomfortable and I want to go out, but she is blocking the way out and she is insistent now. I tell her that if she keeps insisting I'm going to scream and allert the other girls.
She gets too close and I scream, and I wake up.

My dream starts as sort of a nightmare. The nightmare itself is jumbled and confused - there's not a clean narrative. It's mostly short, quick clips of action strung together and viewed from a 3rd person POV. Mud and rain; earth sliding into a river, pulling people down with it... switch to what seems like a motel and some sequences that seem like they're out of a slasher horror flick, people running in fear, and severed limbs and blood everywhere. It mostly seems like it's just my brain tossing up whatever seems disturbing and frightening at the moment.

Because of how disjointed it is, it's failing to really frighten or disturb me. My mind starts to get more and more distanced from what's going on, and starts paying less attention to it. I gain lucidity in one of the motel/dorm rooms while two women are arguing with each other. They look straight out of the 80s - one has bleached hair teased up a mile high and fake orange tanner, and the other is a brunette with a ponytail and teased bangs. As soon as I realize this is a dream, I am no longer a disembodied observer. There's an oval mirror on the wall - I run up to it and look at myself in the mirror in order to reaffirm that I now have a physical presence.

I immediately crouch on the floor and start running my fingers through the carpet in order to solidify my surroundings. Things seem to be fading, so I stand up and produce a hand mirror from behind myself and examine myself in it. The two women have stopped arguing and are looking at me. I feel embarrassed about them potentially thinking that I'm just extremely vain (despite the fact that they're just dream characters), so I shrug and tell them, "I'm just making sure I still exist."

They lose interest in me, and I lose interest in them, because I've decided that since my scene changes haven't gone so well lately, maybe I'll just mold my current surroundings into what I want. I pull up the software interface for 3D Studio Max and start modeling furniture for the room. Despite being a motel room, it has no bed, so I decide to experiment with creating one. I begin working on it as if it's a 3D model for a video game.

The two women have faded away. I minimize the "software" I'm working with to check and see if the bed has appeared. It has, and looks very solid, but it's the plain solid white of a 3D model that has been imported into some engines but doesn't have a texture linked to it (or the texture isn't loading).

I decide I'll texture it later, once I've gotten the hang of this, and decide to start working on one of the windows. I "import" it into my software and begin tweaking it. The window is a little bit tougher - it resists conforming to what I want.

The dream fades. Eventually, another one starts, but it's non-lucid. I'm watching a bunch of characters in a video game and "piloting" some of them, and the game is sort of Harvest Moon-y but instead everybody is little Lego people and they're going to classes at a university. One of the landslide scenes from the prior nightmare replays, but with little Lego people instead of realistic people. The character I'm piloting is supposed to get a date for a festival coming up and has until 5 a.m. the day of the festival, but because of the landslide, I don't manage to complete the objective and watch the festival play out without a date. The characters go to class, and the professor is very boring. The textbook is 900 pages long, but the professor is focusing on a 4 page section of it. The students have smuggled some pot edibles into class, and when the professor goes to another room for a few minutes, they all leave class to get high. The character I'm piloting stays in class. When the prof gets back, he seems bummed that nobody cares about the lecture.

To be continued later..
Maybe - happy to say - now I pulled myself together and dictated some stuff - I have a lot to journal - theoretically. I mean I did already - but writing down is an important second step - I know.
Ah well.

Important:
I got lucid - driving down in an open elevator - open to all sides, except down of course.
Through a forest.
Getting lucid was not only about bizarreness, though, I think - I simply felt that characteristic dream connectedness of me and my world - "something in the air", almost.
And I thought of wanting to get a stable 3D environment by moving and checking my frame of reference.
Having read something like this from The Cusp.
Well - it worked - buut.
First of all - super happy not to have lost a dream in frantic stabilization activity and getting indeed to running in a quite beautiful forest all 3D, and it felt like full immersion.
I really enjoyed it, and simply kept running for a minute maybe - and then I must have lost lucidity and also recall for that affair.
Next time I won't neglect the cognitive aspects of lucidity while running and 3D establishing.



Soo - too lazy to write zig pages - just this one dream-fragment (I do have the rest dream, though):

One scene was, that I made a break from riding a bike to somewhere, and went a bit into the forest, to be undisturbed in what I wanted to do. I found an interestingly shaped branch there - maybe 2 m long, devoid of bark and it looked as if washed smooth by drifting in water for a long time.
I planned on taking it for a friend, who likes interesting wood to carve it a bit more interesting.

Suddenly a pair of hikers turned up - and I tried to tell them, that it was not a way, where I was - that the way would be over there, and that they could break their ankles coming towards me.
I had climbed over some big roots and stones and it was steep there, too.

But they said - didn't you hear that scream, and that horrible loud sound?
I hadn't heard that - but once I climbed out of the under brush - one of my rather rare incidences of clear and even emotionally intense dream-bizarreness came about. The wood in the forest, but looking like from a beach was rather subliminal.

I looked at the sky, and there was a flying train - looming dangerously close over us, and we were afraid, it might come crashing down exactly on us.

But then it seemed logical, that it followed a sort of trail in the sky, when it made a sharp turn and came to land close to where we thought, Hamburg central station would be. A map of a supposed Hamburg appeared in my imagination - where it was divided in strips of different colour - that showed me this. Ah well.
So all in order, wasn't it?

The two people then complained about all the Bavarian tourists, and the fuss they would kick up - up to flying in per train ..
And I didn't get it - rather I was with them where the train had landed without "physically" getting there, and spoke some solace to an old Bavarian lady with traditional braided hair - she was intimidated by that sort of hostility.

One of the classical jumps in location - following the narrative and attention and not some sort of geography.

Note: I forgot most of the dream because I moved in my bed, I remembered it 20 minutes after I woke up. I don't know why I remembered it, it just came to me. I had the feeling that I have had 3 dreams, but I only remembered one.
I had an important exam today, so I didn't think about my dreams.

Date: Apr 24
Sleep Length: 8h
Techniques: DILD
Dream Summary:
(1) I was at a municipal public pool with my father and sister, and I was gonna use a slide like in my childhood. when I was at the end of the slide I saw a japanese girl, a bit younger than me. Since I like japanese culture I tried to talk to her. I said some japanese phrases and she said some phrases as well, I understood parts of it, then she tried speaking german. We were at some weird place, it seemed to be close to the pool but it looked like a room in a basement... pretty weird. Oh, she said something like konbanwa [...], and I didn't understand her.
Vividness (1-15), Awareness (1-10): 2/2
Emotions: none?
Tags: public pool, family, slide, conversation: japanese, languages

April 24, 2014: Dream three of three: I am in a high-school sized gymnasium with hard wood flooring, like a basketball court. I am standing with one or two other men, facing a row of approximately ten young student athletes standing shoulder-to-shoulder who hold the hard plastic handles of some kind of clever climbing device with a slot at the top. There is a strong, non-stretch nylon-like ribbon about 12" wide which descends from its attachment at the ceiling and enters the slot at the top of the handle, which each man holds at chest height in front of him. At present, there are no markings on the ribbon, which is plain and dark (purple?) colored.

By raising first one side of the handle, then the other, the men can ascend in unison to the ceiling. Once there, they push a button on the handle and some kind of cam-like device inside the handle causes them to be lowered slowly and safely back to the floor, again, in unison. Now, as the ribbon unfolds, it reveals its slice of a larger picture, which, when viewed from the audience some distance away, is capable of revealing an American Flag, or corporate logo or advertisement. Evidently, I am there to try to sell the notion of this device to the school administrator(s), the other two men who are present. When the athletes meet the floor, I awake.

April 24, 2014: Dream two of three: I am outside on the street along with Bob *****and Glenn *****, who are leaning on their motorcycles which are (strangely) parked on the sidewalk. My motorcycle is unseen. Across the street there is a store which seems to be a cross between an sporting goods/outdoor shop and a head shop. There are numerous people milling about in the street itself, and this obscures the objects/items displayed in the shop’s windows. Even the door is difficult to discern. The door is open, but the threshold is not obvious because it is obscured by a floor-length beaded door curtain. Dave **** is wandering back and forth looking for the entrance, and from across the crowd, I try and direct him, but he appears to discover it all on his own. He passes through the beaded curtain, and then I cross the street and enter as well.

Inside, I do not look for, nor do I see Dave. I end up with a bag of power bars, which evidently I’ve already paid for, since I open and start to eat one. It is soft and chewy, as if it has cream cheese in it, and not what I wanted or expected. I wanted a hard, crumbly granola-type power bar. There is a hippy chick in her early to mid-twenties sitting cross legged on the floor. I give her the bag of power bars since they are not what I wanted.

Now I’m at a glass display counter. I have multiple, amazingly crafted rings on six or seven of my fingers. They are made of silver strands about the thickness of paperclip wire, which are twisted and joined into the most amazing patterns and at least one sports a clear diamond-like faceted stone. They look bright and new, and are crafted with an artistry as is only possessed by a High Elf from Lord of the Rings. I am looking for a stud earring to match, but the items in the display case are actually pins with colored plastic heads (red, and blue that I remember) and not stud earrings at all, so I leave.

When I am back at the motorcycles, Bob and Glenn are both eating something. Glenn has a very large salt pretzel, the kind you get at the circus or in Penn Station. I realize I should eat something too “so we’re all on the same page” before we bike off on our ride. I think I’d like a pretzel like Glenn had. At this moment I realize that I also needed to get a bed-roll or sleeping bag while in the store, and I didn’t remember to do that. I wake.