side notes

Waking Thoughts/Dream/Lucid

The next few days I will have to destroy my routine again. Having to work overnight till Friday... Maybe I can take advantage of this somehow? I'll do a bit of research. Anyway' attempting to get ready for tonight' I stayed up fairly late last night, which means I had to turn off my alarms that helped me remember dreams. So last night I really did not remember any dreams. I had a few fragments this morning, but was too tired to write them down.

So, I've had quite a few lucid dreams before, but I've just recently gotten into the habit of holding my nostrals together every so often to check if I can still breath. I thought it was a little bit silly until last night.

I was sitting in my house, it was darker than usual. I plugged my nose just for the heck of it, and... was still breathing. "Woah, that was easy." I thought. I stood up, thinking about what I should do now. I stepped over to my bed to see if I would see myself laying there still. Unfortunetly I didn't, but my wife was in her place in the bed like usual. She woke up and asked me what I was doing, I told her dream character, I'm dreaming babe- just gonna try some stuff out. I wanted the entire room to light up, so I thought of LIGHT! The room didn't necissarily light up, but I looked to my right, and outside of the window it was a very- very bright day all of a sudden. I looked at my computer to notice if the writing was morphed, you know how they say that if you look at words in a dream and then look again- they won't be the same usually? That played a number on my brain, I looked at my computers texts and it was literally all hyroglyphs. lol. At first I was dissapointed because I wanted to check the tasks of the month of dreamviews, then I instantly remembered- that's stupid. I can't check real webpages in my dreams. (Haha)

I walked over to my dresser and thought about what I wanted to do. My favorite form in any dream world is a feral beast so I decided to attempt a transformation. My hands turned into long claws and grew fur, but that was about it. For some reason my mind told me that it wasn't up for the full transformation at the moment so I decided to go outside. I flew up and phased through my roof. Once I was on the outside I noticed that I had gone too high. Sometimes when I become lucid in dreams, I dart off into the sky and it doesn't allow my mind to comprehend any of the landscape, so it loses my dream world and cuts off lucidity, so I feel back onto my roof and tried to focus. I was thinking of just sitting on my roof and meditating for a moment. I had the un-nerving feeling that i was almost out of time. I don't remember much after the roof, because shortly after that I had a false awakening where I woke up and told my wife I had a lucid dream, then wrote it down in my phone.

Later I woke up and realized that I hadn't wrote it down in my phone, I was peaved. But altogether, I had a good night. I'm going to continue practicing reality checks from now on, definitly.

So, I've had quite a few lucid dreams before, but I've just recently gotten into the habit of holding my nostrals together every so often to check if I can still breath. I thought it was a little bit silly until last night.

I was sitting in my house, it was darker than usual. I plugged my nose just for the heck of it, and... was still breathing. "Woah, that was easy." I thought. I stood up, thinking about what I should do now. I stepped over to my bed to see if I would see myself laying there still. Unfortunetly I didn't, but my wife was in her place in the bed like usual. She woke up and asked me what I was doing, I told her dream character, I'm dreaming babe- just gonna try some stuff out. I wanted the entire room to light up, so I thought of LIGHT! The room didn't necissarily light up, but I looked to my right, and outside of the window it was a very- very bright day all of a sudden. I looked at my computer to notice if the writing was morphed, you know how they say that if you look at words in a dream and then look again- they won't be the same usually? That played a number on my brain, I looked at my computers texts and it was literally all hyroglyphs. lol. At first I was dissapointed because I wanted to check the tasks of the month of dreamviews, then I instantly remembered- that's stupid. I can't check real webpages in my dreams. (Haha)

I walked over to my dresser and thought about what I wanted to do. My favorite form in any dream world is a feral beast so I decided to attempt a transformation. My hands turned into long claws and grew fur, but that was about it. For some reason my mind told me that it wasn't up for the full transformation at the moment so I decided to go outside. I flew up and phased through my roof. Once I was on the outside I noticed that I had gone too high. Sometimes when I become lucid in dreams, I dart off into the sky and it doesn't allow my mind to comprehend any of the landscape, so it loses my dream world and cuts off lucidity, so I feel back onto my roof and tried to focus. I was thinking of just sitting on my roof and meditating for a moment. I had the un-nerving feeling that i was almost out of time. I don't remember much after the roof, because shortly after that I had a false awakening where I woke up and told my wife I had a lucid dream, then wrote it down in my phone.

Later I woke up and realized that I hadn't wrote it down in my phone, I was peaved. But altogether, I had a good night. I'm going to continue practicing reality checks from now on, definitly.

Just A Pleasant Head Trip [Trip Report]
Cannabis
Date: September 11th, 2012

Dose:
repeated, smoked, Cannabis (plant material)

I packed an almost-filled bowl of something close to Mexican brick weed, but not quite as bricky, into my bong some time around 5:00 PM. This was to be the first of my experiences with cannabis after deciding to return to treating it as a psychedelic and something to be done occasionally rather than an all-day-every-day kind of high. I'd taken a short break before this so my tolerance was a bit lower than normal. I quickly downed a couple big rips and set the bong down. Lucky me, I tend to get psychedelic effects from smoking fairly easily, and the schwaggier the bud the more schizo it seems to make me.

Come-up anxiety tries to make itself known, but is quickly dismissed. Weed is nothing to fear. Somehow in the fog of the peak I became stuck on how trippy of a thought it was that we are literally the only species in the whole world that has come anywhere even remotely near as far as we have. I started considering all the strange things we as humans do to have fun, and how to any other species it must all just seem like complete absurdity. Like thinking about it from the point of view of an advanced alien race who has evolved to be extremely intelligent but still only focus on what needs to be done to survive and expand, having them come to Earth and seeing us going to clubs and dancing, and all that kind of stuff that would just seem totally pointless because we only do it because it's fun, and just wondering WHY those things are fun.... Like why is dancing fun? It just is. >w< But anyway, that made me think about what it'd be like for some random animal like a rat to be wandering through a rave or club, and then THAT made me think about what it would be like to be a human who was raised in the wild and never learned language so they act more like an animal wandering through a club. How would they feel? I began getting a strong mental imagery accompanying this, sort of like a third-person dream. A teenage boy who grew up in the wild unleashed in a club, the first thing he notices is all the people dancing around, especially the pretty girls dancing with guys. He's still a human so he's going to want to try to get in on the action, right? Would he learn to start dancing with everyone even without language? To be honest, I think he would... he may screw up a few times at first, but I think he'd learn. Thinking about that gave me sort of a sense of connection to my animal nature, just considering all the things we still do just because it's fun and we have an urge to let loose. It seems more complex than what animals do because there are so many different variables to consider in our situations, but it's all still the same kinds of instincts. The world really is a crazy, crazy place.

After I realized how couch-locked I'd been during all of that, I decided to get up and go out to the backyard and appreciate nature a bit. The weather outside felt amazing and it was very easy to feel in tune with everything. I wandered around looking at the tree and the garden a bit, and I got a couple pictures of things that really stood out to me.

First there are these leaves, which totally rock. They've got a nice fractally look to them, if you ask me. I could stare at them for ages.

And this mini rose, which is just wonderful. Look at the swirl, nature is so intensely beautiful.... I felt like crying when I first got a look at that flower....

That was about the end of significant parts of the experience. Weed is still the number one psychedelic in my book.

Attached Thumbnails

   

[Tuesday, September 11th, 2012] [ND] [Falling In Love With A Loser]
(I took a nap around 11:30am after copying down my dream journal to notepad.)
It's a Game-show! And I'm on it!
I'm sucked through a flesh-hole into a watery room that fills and empties with water. Breathing underwater doesn't seem to be very hard, because everyone else and I can do it pretty easily. It's a game-show. A pretty made-up actress asks questions to contestants on TV, and a dumb puff-fish answers: "You're attractive." Others answer too. This must be recorded.

I met a little blue sea-horse, she was very sweet and familiar. I grew fond of her instantly. There were problems with her emotional stability; however, she was like the Moon and the Sun sometimes. She was so very unique and harshly beautiful. She was also capable of dark moments. But there was something about her that said I could trust her.

Another contestant: A "black" fish. He was pretty funny, and spent most of the game being an entertainer. There were more contestants, but none that I can recall directly.

Another contestant: Stewie- who could switch form with octopus form. I start the game from HIS perspective. Through his eyes, I win a few games out of pure ingenuity. I'm still in love with the sea-horse through him. After a few game phases, I shift out into my own being again.

I remember an image flashing through my mind of a ripped off limb, an arm gone from the socket, and a leg torn badly.

I remember hearing some characters from American Dad speak...
Wife: "Stan... There's Canadians playing here. Aren't you worried?"
Stan: "This show isn't rigged, it's completely fair! Meaning I have the unfair advantage. I can just kick their ass with my win."

It starts off and the little blue sea-horse and I start the game trusting each other. We help each other and win with each other in mind. But after a few games of trying to impress the little blue sea-horse, she becomes intimidated. She sees me as slightly selfish (shellfish lol). And I must have begun to change, because she didn't like the new me.

I don't remember many specifics of the games themselves unfortunately; I just remember bits and pieces and residue that still lingers...

I end up winning the entire show.
"I WON!" I was the winner! ...I felt kind of awkward saying that for some reason... I dropped on my knees and slid across the arena room's center, throwing my hands up as a sign of revel. But that was awkward too... I looked up at the Little Blue Sea-Horse, she was talking sweet to another puff-fish. I had... lost. The Little Blue Sea-Horse I had tried so hard for, had swam away with the current... and I wasn't sure who to blame but her, the current, or... me? That was the lesson. For anything that happens in life. The only one you can blame is yourself. You are the only one in control of fate, the only one who has the power to change your path. Your destiny exists, it's the most probable one; but if you do nothing, your future WILL fit to a mold. That mold is destiny.

But... If only I had stopped to "listen" to my Little Blue Sea-horse... Maybe I wouldn't have lost her.

The last thing I remember: Emma and I were trying to exit the arena-room through the flesh-hole.
"Well, I guess it's time to leave." I wondered how high up I would have to swim after this. I mean... assuming this place was actually underwater. I couldn't remember how I got in here. I stuck my hand in one of the holes that were in the horizontal line of holes and stretched the skin. I could feel the cold water instantly on the other-side. When I pulled my hand back in, I got to see Emma's head DRENCHED and her hair a mess, her face pale as snow from shock.
"You know, it might help a little bit more if you go out of these feet-first."

[Monday, September 10th, 2012]
I had a few dreams... don't recall them. Smoking really does degrade my recall. But it was also the stress me and Alex made for ourselves prior to falling asleep: we had got in a fight and she ended up going all the way to the apartment complex by foot. I followed her the entire way, and she even almost broke up with me. But either way... that day was the strangest day ever. It was like a dream. I loved it, still.

[Sunday, September 9th, 2012] [5am]
I'm at my Mom's house. Memory skips to... Brent and someone else, maybe Nathan, we look at a paper being held by someone and see a WANTED face and are shocked. We find a "Christmas" ornament object laying on a piece of blanket/tissuepaper on the ground by the printer and take it outside. It's outside and we're planning on breaking it. That's when we hear Casey SCREAM at us- in a hissy fit. We go back inside and Mum is taking Casey's side and starts yelling at Brent. It's unfair and I can see that Mum is obviously wrong so I run at her and exclaim, "YOU KNOW WHAT?" She shoves me when I get to close against my rib and there's a sharp pain that lasts for only a moment. I use that to my advantage and try to make her feel guilty, "OW MY RIBS. You just punched me in my RIBS." But before I know it, I think to drop out of this, "fight" and wonder if Brent and the other person can just work this out... but I know that Mum will end up winning and get it "her" way, without me. I wake up.

(I have more dreams, but I wake up with a jolt because of my Gramma waking me up. Godammit. No one understands... maybe I should tell them about it?)

(I spend the rest of my day with B & C on my hands. It's a lucid day. I'm positive I'll lucid dream tonight.)

Last night was pretty fun. My friend Nicholas was in my dream. He was showing me his video collection. He put some type of high tech disc into this DVD looking disc slot, and the machine opened up into a whole seven foot shelf stacked full with his game collection.
I began looking through it, and said "Wow, that's a nifty ass disc you got there. It's so small!" We looked towards each other and said "Ha, it's bigger on the inside." at the same time. For those of you who don't know, it's a Doctor Who reference.

We looked through the collection and put in a game. The game like usual in my dreams put my mind at the controls. It was a very interesting play, to be honest. It was a mixture of a few games put together including one of my favorites, League of Legends. I was running around as one of the characters, Darius. Nicholas showed me a few tricks in the game, one of them being an item that gave your fighter some super badass wings that added to your attack a whole bunch.

After that I found myself in another scene. This scene is hard to describe, but I'll do my best. I was walking on a scaffold surrounded by absolute void darkness- except for a room that I could see about ten feet above the scaffoled floor. It was lit, but I wasn't at it's level. On the scaffold with me was a little tinker robot. One that you would see on a video game as one of the low leveled enemys that dimly walked around and was defeated with one hit. I walked up to it, it stood about one foot tall- and I gave it a smack. It fell over and began short circuiting and sparking all over the ground so I back up right before it made a small explosion and into the blackness. I walked around and another one appeared around the edge. They didn't bother me, they were just kinda funny looking. I decided that I'd had it with this weird scaffold scene, so I tried to climb into the room up above. I managed to do that, but I can't stress enough how hard and exhausting it was for some reason, lol. And it made me terribly nervous because I didn't want to fall into whatever was down below, it was absolutely black and I knew that it was a very far fall.

Once I got into the room, 'physically' exhausted- I saw a man talking to another man and woman. It was a well lit room with sofas and a few decoritive plants, a nice carpet and some paintings. At this point I thought to myself, am I dreaming? Because I've been practicing awareness, asking myself that question often enough in the day time. I had the feeling that I was, but the man talking distracted me. He began talking about how I was a lucid dreamer and that I needed to tell everyone about all my experiences. But he said it in a strange way that irritated me, and I was still so exhausted that I just walked out.

That was the end of the night as far as I remember. I'm glad that I even thought to check myself in a dream. Unfortunetly my mind didn't follow through this time, but I'm getting there.

This time i will write about my non lucid dream that happened in 2012-07-19. It was at 8:40am-10:30am. So it was in my REM time. (but because of school i only get 8 hours of sleep from 23:00pm to 07:00am so I don't get new dreams lately). And as always sorry for mistakes

I was riding home from school on my bicycle. On bicycle frame was sitting a young boy. He was about 5 years old. I fell off my bicycle and the boy dissapeared. I got up and a computer keyboard appeared super fast in my hands. Keyboard keys were in wrong places so I started to fix them. As soon as I fixed them some blueberries appeared. I ate them and the keyboard dissapeared. It all happened while I was driving...
Suddenly bicycle tire blown up. A guy stopped near me and said "Boom! Your tire got blown". I didin't cared about the tire and i just drove ahead.
Near traffic lights I saw a group of people. One guy was carrying some flowers. He came to a girl and started to stab her with those flowers. In ten seconds everything became dark and started to rain. I took out my umbrella from backpack and I entered to it (Umbrella was something similar to a portable house with holes for legs). I asked "Does anyone want to hide in my umbrella." That guy which stabbed girl with flowers answered "Yeah" and he entered my umbrella. The umbrella started to shrink. It stopped to shrink at that time then we almost had some space to breath. Traffic lights turned on green and we ran through a street. I suddenly thought "Where is my bicycle!". I left the umbrella and started to run back from where i came. At middle of street I crossed a group of ladies and I woke up.

This dreams starts out exactly as a movie would. It's an Office movie with a 1980's vibe. Sort of reminds me of scenes from the movie American Psycho. Idris Elba(the guy who plays stringer bell on the TV show The Wire) is a main character in this movie. Sometimes it's as if he is my good friend and sometimes it's as if I am him. I am also a different character in this movie like dream. We are part of a corrupt firm looking for a person who committed a crime against us. There is a secret meeting taking place and after voicing my opinion, I was promptly kicked out of the meeting room. I am disturbed about this and just wait out pacing in the hall way. I then go to the bathroom to and notice Idris Elba is in there also. I start thinking to myself, why is he in this movie with me and has some gray hair. If this is the 80's, shouldn't he be young or at least a teenager. Even with all this analyzing, I don't do a reality check. I, Instead rationalize all of it. We get out of the bathroom and I notice a hot secretary walking by and she looks suspicious. We grab hold of her and take her into a locked room and begin to interrogate her. From this point the dream takes a weird, kinky turn. I start to take her clothes off. At first she resist, but Idris is still asking her questions and then she gives in as I take off all her clothes and begin to taste her genital area. I can only remember how good it tasted before I woke up.


*This was a really vivid dream
*Even after analyzing some weird factors about the dream, I still couldn't manage to do a reality check .
*Dream signs show up again. Movie themed and known favorite actors.

I don't know if DJ is only about Lucid Dreams or all dreams that i have. Sorry for mistakes in English language because it's not my main language. For my first entry i will write about a dream that wasn't lucid and long.

I was dreaming that i was walking on the house roof tops with my friend at night. I was carying a DVD disc. It fell a lot of my hands and every time i picked it up.
We reached a bridge out of books that was connecting 2 roof tops at fifth or sixth floor. My friend started to cross the bridge and i followed him. Then he crossed to otherside the bridge started to collapse. I hitted the ground on the books (usually i wake up after falling).
After falling I didin't seen anything but i heard a train coming in front of me. I opened my eyes *oh gosh* I was laying on rails and the train was driving to my direction. In my mind I was screaming: Wake up! Wake up! And BAM I got hit by a train.

That's one of my favorite dreams because I think that after the fall I ended up dreaming within a dream and I think I almost became lucid in this dream.

[I got 5 hours of sleep so far. I'm gonna have to go back to sleep soon.]

1. I was somewhere in the freezing cold of winter, and I was doing some hunting or patrolling in the snow by a river. The imagery was really awesome and expansive. I don't remember much besides really not wanting to be out in the snow and freezing.

2. I was talking with some guy about geometry and life and personal growth. [This is probably what woke me up and kept me up. Damn dream philosophizing.]

EDIT: [I went back to sleep for 3 hours and had some more dreams. Fragments.]

3. I was looking at porn on the internet and I was asking myself "why are you doing this?". I stopped and went to school. I was going to school, and my mom told me to take pictures of things. She mentioned the diving board, and I was confused why she would want that. I went into the building and went to the pool where I saw J___ W______ (guy from the military) and he was swimming with his girlfriend. The last thing I remember from this dream is someone saying "When everyone chooses differently, the world will be different".

I am in the middle of a field training exercise and I've lost my weapon. I am searching all over for this weapon. I find many other rifles that were previously mine but not the one I came to the field with. I go down several passageways looking for this rifle. I stop by a door where Laurence Fishburn and a couple of other actors are having a discussion; they are all cops. Laurence Fishburn just got out of jail for a crime but the others all shun him because he snitched to get a lesser sentence. I think nothing of this and keep walking. I enter a random room where I encounter a woman looking for a lost weapon also. We start looking together. Her face is not very clear. She gets on her back and slides under a bed looking and I wished she was naked and poof she had no clothes on. At this sudden moment I pinch my nose and proceed to do a reality check. It was the sweetest, freshest breath I've ever taken. I instantly realize I was in a dream and it all starts to fade as the woman is moaning. The color green lingers as I just hear the noises of the dream. At this point, I have a false awakening with someone walking inside my tent and turning the light on. I lay back down angry and instantly resume the dream and continuing my search for the weapon. As I am about to open a door, I stop to feel the door handle and perform the same reality check and once again I become lucid. With this realization my awareness shifts to my sleeping body, wondering if i was holding my breath in my sleeping body while continuing to breathe in the dream and the dream ends abruptly with the sound of a tv shutting off followed by sleep paralysis(I've had these childhood, they don't phase me).


*Achieved Lucidity with the WBTB method.
*I see different rooms and passageways and different elements that I've dreamed about years ago appear in this dream.
*It's very clear at this point that my dream signs are movie actors playing a role.
*I've been deployed for a couple of months now, it's been a while lol

This dream started out down the street from my house. I was going for a walk around the block like I do nearly every day. Nothing seemed out of place, and the begining has very little to do with the rest of the dream. I walked my elementry school that's down the street from my house, and as I passed the front office- my oldest friend Marykate Pennington walked by on the other side of the road. I said Hey! what's going on? She said Hey! I just got back from Washington. And she started telling me about her trip. (Everything seemed pretty accurate, she had been living in Washington for a few months.)
We walked down my street and I felt very very weak for some reason. I told her to go to my house and ask my mom to make her some food and we'll catch up in a bit, she didn't look so good either.
I walked past my wife and her sister Amie laying on the sidewalk on the corner accross the street from the school, and I layed down next to her. We talked for a minute, and I fell asleep even though I wasn't sleeping. She poked me a couple times to see if I was awake, and I was awake then but I was going to turn around and yell BOO! But I tried to jump up and found I was too weak at this point. I lifted my head but then it feel back to the ground. Then I laughed and told her what I was trying to do and that I didn't feel good, then we began walking back to my house. On the way back down my street, I noticed that a few of my neighbors small brick walls had been broken on the edges. A few bricks layed on the sidewalk with no explination, like something big had plowed through them.
As I got closer to my house, I noticed a short elderly lady standing in front of the church across the street from my house. (My house in real life is on the corner surrounded by three churches and a school. It's a weird corner.)
The lady was pointing up in the tree shouting, "MONSTER, MONSTER, IT'S THERE! IN THE TREE! Why wouldn't anyone listen?!"
I started walking towards her while looking into the tree, and just then a huge green worm like creature; probably twenty feet long and three feet wide leaped from the tree and with supernatural speed ran through the church's courtyard. "What the fuck!?" I yelled, still weak- I was holding on to things to keep myself moving. It circled the church and rapidly multiplied into an enormous green Cthulhu looking beast. As big as the building and much too quick for anyone around it to escape. It had dozens, maybe a hundred limbs and each was as big or bigger than the first worm I saw. It made me remember a dream that I had when I was little, I have seen what that worm was doing before.
But in the dream years ago, nobody found out what it was. There was a mysterious death in the church yard with a huge grooved ditch going through the grass. I now realized what it was, and I knew the old lady was aware of that past dream as if it was a reality. I looked up at the beast as it flailed it's limbs and grabbed another man and woman right behind me and slammed the woman into the cement directly in front of me. I knew her, she was the mother of my next door neighbor. It pained me to see but I had to go, she was dead. My wife and I reached my house and informed my family. I was standing in my kitchen panicking when I saw icons come up in front of my face like a game. I needed to choose and option of what to do next, but I didn't know what to do. They didn't even have names on them. That was the last thing I remember about this dream. It was fucking epic now that I'm awake thinking about it, but very intense while I was in it.

One thing that's baffling me is how my mind continued a story from so many years ag at that church- and randomly brought it into a huge monsterous conclusion last night. It's beautiful.

Waking Thoughts/Dream/Lucid

Past few nights have been out of the ordinary, so my sleep schedule is wrecked again. Seems to be a common theme for me. Anyways here a few bits of information I have managed to remember.

Yesterday:
I was at another house. It was going to be mine, but certain family issues prevented it. There were some people there that I never met before that were cleaning up the place. All I remember doing was explaining what needed to be done and what the past plans were. The house was in a state of heavy disrepair. Much like when the project was first started. I recall talking to a few kids there that were going to mow the lawn. Not all that much happened until I woke up and had to get ready for work.

Today:
Again more fragments, but I'll write what I can. I was at my grandmothers house. Sort of. The place seemed to be fused with other places in past dreams. I tend to get these feelings a lot. I recall that a couple friends were there, one of them being an online friend from a video game I like to play. Alan was gone on some sort vacation in Europe, and I wanted to know how that went. He of course said it was a blast and had a lot of fun. Next I met another friend, Irving. He was going on about wanting to go to space and kept talking about some crazy plans. He eventually trailed off and talked about space movies and animation.

That's the gist of what I can recall the past few days. I will try to be more vigilant in keeping my dream journal up to date every day.
On a side note, I have recently purchased a new nexus 7 tablet. Anyone suggest some good LD apps?