side notes

We are having technical difficulties today due to an ice front that has come in. I'll try tomorrow.

I had a whole night of nightmares about Mike. I didn't get much sleep at all. When I went to bed I had a raging headache & it was making me not lay still so I felt queezy too. Mike said I was saying "Don't tell Mike" while I was sleeping, lol. I told him yup that would be me telling a cab driver that you were acting insane. I only remember fragments & I didn't want to ruin Mike's day so I just talked to him when I woke up instead of writing it down. He's on vacation & he didn't need little crazy me to interrupt his vacation by saying "hey I have to go write down all my creepy nightmares I had about you last night". I just told him why I had them. He was w/ my while I was Christmas shopping & he doesn't really like to shop for Christmas especially on his vacation so both of us were stressed out. I'll just be glad for it to be over this year. I have a better plan for next year after some success w/ some online shopping this year.

I had a whole night of nightmares about Mike. I didn't get much sleep at all. When I went to bed I had a raging headache & it was making me not lay still so I felt queezy too. Mike said I was saying "Don't tell Mike" while I was sleeping, lol. I told him yup that would be me telling a cab driver that you were acting insane. I only remember fragments & I didn't want to ruin Mike's day so I just talked to him when I woke up instead of writing it down. He's on vacation & he didn't need little crazy me to interrupt his vacation by saying "hey I have to go write down all my creepy nightmares I had about you last night". I just told him why I had them. He was w/ my while I was Christmas shopping & he doesn't really like to shop for Christmas especially on his vacation so both of us were stressed out. I'll just be glad for it to be over this year. I have a better plan for next year after some success w/ some online shopping this year.

Went to sleep and dreamt of being in a bunk bed like when I was a kid. It was incredibly vivid.
It felt very oppressive in the pitch dark, closed in by darkness and silence in the room.
(When I was a kid and lived in the countryside it was silent and pitch dark at night).
I could then see myself 3rd person view from above, looking stark white in the dark of the room, huddled up.
In my head I was thinking "come on bring it on, do you worst!" whatever you are. And tensed for something to strike me. Nothing happened.
It was all so vivid and intense that when I woke, my mind was awake but i was still half a sleep.

So when I went straight back to sleep I was lucid.

I was inside a broken down school, there was a dark corridor with a pipe broken spraying water everywhere and broken masonery. Two boys in green school uniform were heading towards me, hands in pockets.
I thought to myself last time I was lucid I couldn't control much, so I took direct action.
Grabbing the first boy that came towards me by the face, I said take me to see the person I want to see, now!
He didn't have much say in the matter,looking at me wide eyed, he complied. We moved on and through some double doors met a giant man about 8 to 9 feet tall, wearing a blue medical gown. We were now in a hospital. He was blind and I could see wounds where his eyes had been. He was very strong, I could feel power pouring from him and without speaking I went with him (there was no need to speak).
We went along a corridor which which led into the front reception area of a large hospital.
There a large number of patients were sat in wheelchairs, in front of a row of glass doors to the exit.
The sun was shinning brightly into the entrance foyer.
The person I wanted to see was there in the closest wheelchair, her hair was fine and blonde hanging straight, she wore a silky white robe.
She got up from the wheelchair and took my hand. The giant took my other hand and we left the hospital and went out into the sun.
The site before me I will never forget. The sky , a beautiful greek blue, and the sun dazzling.
Above was the most amazing site, towering dizzily high above me was an immense floating castle.
The highest towers were in the shape of gigantic eagles. All parts of the tower were so black that it was almost hypnotic to look at them. I don't know if they were black because of the shadow from the bright sun or something else.
We flew together up, higher and higher with a feeling of great power, security and happiness washing over me. The giant was in the lead pulling me higher, then me, then she.
We went higher and higher, this bit went on for a long time, hard to describe but it was wonderful

Had two false awakenings where I tried to write dream up in journal, but was only dreaming it lol

Can't read my own handwriting

I was in charge of a group of kids in an apartment building that was turned into something that seemed to be a group home setting. We started out at the house but then we went camping. We rode around in a van. At one point I needed to get out the social security numbers for the kids at the camp ground & I realized I was dreaming because I know how I store my family's numbers but in this dream there weren't even my real life ones in my purse, lol. I kept looking for a long time because I know how numbers are almost impossible in the dream world. So a part lucid dream for me but not really all that exciting.

Very long night! First off I laid there while I prayed & did some relaxing chakra opening exercises. I wake up to Meesha laying by my side. I get up & feed her & crawl back into bed. I then woke up again w/ Meesha back on my pillow. I am having a bout of sleep paralysis but I can lean my head just barely as she rubs my face w/ hers & she is agitated. At that moment I feel what I think is a cat laying next to my side. So basically Meesha is between me & Mike's head & on the opposite side of me I feel a what I assume is another cat snuggling up to me just like Meesha did earlier. I'm starting to freak out now. I try to yell at Mike but I can't talk or move. I finally can move & there is no cat there but Meesha is still as freaked out as me. I again get up but just go pee & lay back down & fall back asleep. Again I wake up to the exact same thing but now I'm really really freaked out! I'm trying to will myself hand to hit Mike if necessary to see if he can see anything & I'm trying to scream at him. Meesha is still freaking out again too. This is so really freaky. I finally am able to move & look over & still nothing is there. I have no idea what this was all about. My dead dog Dioji maybe? We see him sometimes & I've had other weird encounters but all I can think is it's a cat because yesterday I had a couple of encounters w/ this stray black cat coming in my house. Mike wakes up at this point & I tell him what happened. I go to smoke a cig in the bathroom & he tells me to come back in the room & he'll smoke one w/ me. He knows how bad this kind of thing freaks me out. Meesha finally jumps down & soon we both go back to bed until my alarm goes off & I'm exhausted from a restless night but I have to get up & get dressed to kick of Mike's vacation w/ a meal at HuHot because it's half price Tuesday. Anyone else care to make something of all of this?

I just realized. I should not be scared of "going down", as in underground or "down" in general. Because it means "inside", going deeper into my being, to my Higher Self.

Last night I was up reading in my living room & Meesha Cat was in one of the dining room chairs where I could see her & in comes another animal just about 7 feet from me. I ran & got a baseball bat thinking it was another damn opossum encounter like this summer. I ran into my room & woke up Mike but nothing was there. He tells me we have had a black cat coming in Meesha's door so we were pretty certain it was that cat. Then today Meesha comes in & is insistent that I get up & low & behold there is the black cat in my house. It wasn't even freaked out by me but I told it to get out. I thought it was weird Meesha was eating so much. She is eating more for winter but this was a whole lot more. So now I have no dreams to write down.

D1: I was initially w/ my family but then I woke up in my dream & someone was grabbing Mike. We are somewhere else now & it's all pristine & white. I realize we've been drugged or something but it's wearing off of me first. I start walking down a corridor looking for a way out but then it wasn't so clean anymore. I was fighting off hands that were grabbing at me. I was being knocked down & had to get up repeatedly. I realize my whole family is here somewhere when I see Mike again but I'm just terrified & just want to get out even though I'm conflicted about leaving them. I know that I can't save them by myself. I finally get outside but there is only old fencing & I'm still afraid. A guy sees me & tells me not to go the way I'm going & points me in another direction. I woke up but fall right back asleep.

D2: I'm back in the dream. I find help but then I wake up.

That was so very weird.

sick

I've been having issues recalling my dreams lately, probably due to my irregular sleep time. I'm going to try to recall something tomorrow.

It was my first night home for the Christmas break. I wish I could remember this dream better, as it seemed to be fairly eventful and reached new areas of strangeness. I think there is a contest having to do with a train or a railroad station or something of the like. It may be old western times. There are many people I know and celebrities participating in this contest. It seems that the participants are being eliminated quickly, but there is one of them who has yet to compete, and who I have great faith in. This of course is Sting, my favorite song writer. IRL, I read his memoir “Broken Music” over the summer. It influenced me greatly, and I have this connection to him. That connection was evident in the dream; though I’m not sure he acknowledged it. I cannot remember the outcome of this contest. But there are two other instances of this dream that I remember. One of them is me, in a hotel room, high above the ground, in a bright white room. I look out at the balcony. I think there is an ocean. That’s all I can really remember. The other is me receiving fellatio from this brunette girl who bears a resemblance to someone I met briefly about a year ago. Though all goes as it should, several times I think, it is strangely dissatisfying. I remember feeling rather pleased with the state of affairs, as was she, but I do not think I felt anything orgasmic or really significant, as I normally would in this situation. I can remember so clearly the pictures from these dreams, which only makes me long to remember the circumstances and sequences of events.

sick

Here & Now worked again. The only hard part is calming down my mind to the point of stillness and awareness in the moment. Then, it is being patient with the pain of doing nothing, thinking nothing; not even about what I want to do in the lucid dream. Eventually, I feel the transition and know I am dream when I can freely move around as if I am on a rotisserie. The next hard part is then attempting to get visuals going which takes a bit of finesse and in-dream-visualization. I can feel my way around my room, however.


The next challenge is stabilizing the dream world because in all three attempts I have woken up, and immediately been pulled back into a non-lucid dream because I did not reset my mind into a quiet, clear, calm, present awareness. It honestly takes patience and discipline.