side notes

Had a short lucid dream this morning. It was via SSILD. I was jumping around this room housing three engines. They were more like 3 super fans or whatever. Crazy, I know. Dreams are going to do dream things. Woke up and tried to get back into the dream world. Reached sleep paralysis but I screwed myself by expecting some weird monster to attack me. A result of me reading Sleep Paralysis horror stories on this site. Since the dream world heavily relies on expectations, I felt something hug me. I turned my head to see this red creature thing hugging me. It resembled Him from Powerpuff Girls. That girly demon dude. Snapped me right awake again.

Important take away here is that once the WBTB ritual is completed and/or a quiet mindful state is achieved, it is imperative to FOCUS ON FALLING ASLEEP. That is how I got my lucid dream morning. I must absolutely keep this mind because I have a bad habit of wanting to lucid dream so bad in short time I have for a morning nap, that I try too hard to stay aware and thus stay awake. WRONG.

Do SSILD. Get into a quiet mindful state via meditation. RELAX AND FOCUS ON FALLING ASLEEP. Trust in the technique to do its job.

Sun, 05 Feb 2017:

I think I came into this scene with some awareness from a WILD style entry perhaps from DEILD but I don't exactly remember. I am in this rocky canyon area and feel boldness to fly and start to fly fully realizing I am dreaming. I then remember the plane TOTY I tried last night with some challenges. I land and start rubbing my hands together and saying how I will have a nice long lucid dream. There is no great spot to take off from traditionally with good size rocks everywhere on the reddish brown dirt but this is a dream anyway and it's a better spot than the empty sky off of the building I was hoping to materialize an airplane from the night before.



So I imagine I am climbing a small ladder up making the movements and I get into what is a vaguely forming cockpit. I imagine the key is in front of me and go to turn it with my right hand and the cockpit is looking good now with some controls and instruments that look like they belong in a plane. The engine sputters and is very rough sounding and I say okay that vague shape there on my right is one of the wings and I see them form like a small Cessna plane in off white color. The nose then forms with the blurred image of a quickly spinning single propeller on it and I have blue horizontal stripes on the nose and feel the rest of the plane behind me.



I take off using a gas pedal on my right foot to accelerate the engine and propeller, moving forward now and then pulling on the two-handed rectangular control (yoke?).

I fly up over the rocky area and off of a cliff with no issues. I fly around the canyon area a bit and remember that I need to open up a time breach before getting to my destination so I decide that what looks like the end of the canyon area is my destination and I mentally will a time breach to open and it looks like a big light-blue tunnel. As I go through, the visuals fade but not to black, more of a blur of shapes. I continue to hold my hands on where the controls were and fly forward willing myself to slow down but keep going forward.

Having exited the time breach perhaps, I eventually a small European village looking place forms with 2 story stone buildings and narrow cobblestoned streets forms.



I fly around the corner of one of the buildings having gone from a sitting position to a standing flying position. I see what looks like an attractively shaped girl with long black hair in a red dress from behind and I float up a little, like like I am exiting the no longer there cockpit.



I land behind her and tap her on her shoulder. She turns around and is indeed attractive and we start kissing passionately. I take her hand and we walk around another corner that becomes a room. She wants to

Spoiler for Sexual Content:

have sex

in front of her girlfriends, at least 5 of them and there's one guy as well.



Sounds good to me as I

Spoiler for Sexual Content:

lean her against a bed and whisk away her clothes with a swoop of my hand and take her from behind. It is very exciting having sex with her while other attractive girls look on eagerly. After a bit I feel like I could experience ejaculation

in this dream, because it feels so real. Instead, I start

Spoiler for Sexual Content:

having issues with it slipping out and needing to stick it back in multiple times. While back in

and losing sensation I start to wake, smiling ear to ear! My WBTB hour didn't seem right for choline or galantamine but I did take 5-htp before bed for the REM rebound effect, which may or may not have helped.

I can't quite recall any details, though I remember having a long dream.

I'm not sure how many times I went back into this dream but it was a whole lot. I did it for a good 3-4 hrs. Chaining back into the same dream so many times was something I used to do but not lately... Even though it was a dark dream scene it was a relief to know I hadn't forgotten how to do this all together as I had feared.... There were all kinds of races of people which made me smile. But unfortunately we were living in the rubble of a city that was ravaged after war. People were living in burnt out apartments & townhouses. Warehouses & lean two's. Living in poverty where there was only water & food where you could find it. No officials or police. Violence with no accountability. Strangely enough I saw no guns which I was looking for. There were little kids sitting on a stoop all disheveled & sad. A woman selling her goods of sorts. She had some kind of fuse & was attaching it to some kind of M80 looking thing that you see on the 4th of July. I know because we buy them, lol. I watched her for a long time. I kept wincing waiting for it to blow up & I was really nervous because I was really never sure what it was. Like I was saying she was trying to attach a fuse to a M80 & would light it! It looked like she was showing them how much time it would take for the fuse to burn & then she would pinch it & make it snuff out. She did this so many times. One of the times I woke up was actually by Meesha & I just brushed her off & dove back into my dream. I could have done many other things in this state but lucid dreaming must be first about myself. Fun is secondary. This was so revealing about what I see in our world today & my fears of what the US will become. There were children running all around this woman & I feared the worst. I had such a drive to find what hidden meanings I could from this dream state. Finally one child was not so fortunate when she didn't snuff it in time. This again was one of the times I woke up & fell right back into my dream state to do what I would in real life & try to help the child. I frequently say that in my dreams I have a serious drive to stay true to my morals so this reaction was not uncommon for me. I could easily just shifted gears but what good would that do? Yes I could go off & change the scene but how often do you get to help others in real life up close in personal. I always say if I hit the lottery I would help ppl not give to organizations who funnel money that never sees its real way to help someone. Anyway, I looked for help for the child but there was none of course. I went to an apartment nearby & finally a man took the child from me. I hadn't seen a single person that I knew through all of this which is not typical for me. But I no sooner have this fleeting thought & I see my first husband & I run up to him & hug him because I have been alone all of this time. He would not be my top choice to be stuck w/ during end times for sure but I do know he would protect me strangely enough. I then look to my left & there is a man handing out cotton candy out of a machine. It looked like a popcorn machine w/ an overlarge opening that looked like where gum comes out of a gumball machine. At this point I know what this all means, believe it or not. I now hear Meesha IRL meowing weird so I get up to see what's going on.....

So in dreams, our abilities are typically limited, and we are bound to follow the "plot" of the dream, blissfully unaware that we are dreaming. When one becomes lucid, one becomes truly conscious within the dream, can break free from the plot and decide for themselves what to do within the dream universe. Typically, the dreamer gains a whole set of abilities, only limited by one's imagination, and dream control.

I had a fairly active period in which I had quite a few LD's, most of them induced on purpose using practice. Then I stopped, but still had one or two LD's per year, naturally. Until last year... As of late, it's as if my subconscious has found a way to "sabotage" me. I have dreams these days, quite a few, in which I think I am lucid, feel I am lucid, but am not truly lucid. I gain a subconscious awareness of my reality (that I'm in a dream and I have god-like powers), but this awareness stays "beneath the surface" - like I'm not really aware of it.

Another way of putting is this: in lucids, you break free from the plot. The plot created by your subconscious, whose "job" it is to keep you unaware and following the story of the dream. So it's almost like my subconscious, in an attempt to stop me from breaking the plot, invented a genius way to stop me from doing so. It made the act of "breaking from the plot" a part of the plot! I literally dream about thinking that I'm dreaming. It gives me a bunch of cool powers I would normally have in real lucids, except they work far better because they do not *really* rely on dream control (like they do in lucids)...

That's just a theory of what this might be, though. Most of these "fake lucids" do wake me up when they end - just like all lucids do. I don't think I've ever *not* woken up right after a lucid ends (mine usually end when I lose control, typically when I'm having too much fun to bother about dream control). So that's a sign they could be lucids after all.

Still, in these "fake lucids" I never *truly* feel like I was free. I do in the dream itself, but after waking, it still feels like everything I did was "on rails", determined by another - not myself.

Again, fascinating.

For the past few days, I've had more of these experiences that occur during the waking phase, right before gaining full consciousness. It's almost like I am speaking to myself. It manifests as an "inner voice", which feels alien to my character, but at the same time definitely comes from me. Like there are two of me existing simultaneously, but are separated. I have a potential explanation for this phenomenon.

During sleep (in non-lucid dreams), the "logical" part of the brain (the frontal lobe) is mostly shut down, and we are guided/motivated almost entirely by our subconscious (which is why we are less "restrained" in dreams, and tend to "follow the plot" without thinking things through properly). When waking, the logical part of us wakes up. Perhaps, for some reason, I don't sleep as deeply as I used to, and/or my waking phase takes longer than it used to. During that time of "ultra light sleep", my consciousness (frontal lobe) might awake while my subconscious is still asleep, and immersed in a dream. Instead of leading to lucidity, it might cause some kind of temporary "split" of my consciousness and subconsciousness, in which the former can give "advice" to the latter...

In both cases I experienced thus far, the inner voice was a "voice of reason" that gave advice on my dream experience, things that I would have missed if not for that hint. The voice has some kind of "meta-knowledge" of the dream. In one case, it told me something would not work - and in another case it outright told me to stop being a zombie and flee from the hideout of an obvious serial killer... something my dream character was blissfully unaware of until the voice told him... me... whatever.

Weird stuff.

Couldn't recall anything this night.

After a 45 minute WBTB, without exposure to artificial light, decided to drink a cup of coffee and half a banana.

It took some 30 mins or so to fall asleep, although i expected to remain awake ( which alleviated the pressure and fear of failure so to speak)

In the dream i feel an urge to pee, so i have a false awakening and go to WC but it does not relieve me, so this makes me remember to RC

The LD lasted until the urge was too strong to remain asleep

This was an interesting finding, and surely opens some avenues for experimentation. There is already a technique called urine initiated lucid dream. It can generate false awakenings about using WC and this can be exploited to realize lucidity

This cup of coffe had a strange diuretic effect. I did not drink water during WBTB

I probably can substitute water for coffee, although i may miss the coffe stimulating effect on mind faculties

The urge to urinate can be a trigger to RC and if the urge remains after peeing should be a sign one is using a dream body.

If one is well hydrated, proabably there will be more than 6 opportunities to pee in a day and to build this pee-RC reflex. And if one trains to remain with the urge to pee and not immediately visit the WC ( which must happen if one is to remain in bed ) it can also be used to RC at every urge you feel. But be careful not to change your bladder habits or disturb its autonomic functioning. Be aware that you can also urinate in your bed, it might happen in theory.. But if you get lucid before peeing it should be no problem

This urge can also be used to wake up and WBTB

Gonna keep some experimentation on this

Nothing recalled.

D1: I keep having lucid dreams about my husband but we are both young & don't look like us. It's really odd. I've had 4 this week like this. They are just of us spending time together. I think it may be because we are really enjoying changing things in our house. We are almost done hanging these Led Starry String lights w/ remote. It makes our living room & dining room have this nice warm calming feeling. And we now have a cheaper way to fix couple of other things. It's so liberating after raising our 4 kids!

D2: Chained right on into this dream by walking through a door. I was w/ my ex-girlfriend in a setting that looked something like the Domestic Violence Shelter where had met. It used to be an old school & very nice. Kind of like a dorm w/ a gourmet looking kitchen w/ sitting rooms and such. I've mentioned her a few times on here & the fact that we were best friends before our relationship. We had a falling out so we don't talk anymore but I think of her now & then because she has cancer. This dream was particularly odd. She looked younger & really thin. She acted like I knew she would. I seem to always become lucid where she is concerned & this was no exception. I just spent time talking to her even though she wasn't being sincere & being manipulative as usual. I just wanted to stay there a while regardless to see what I could learn. I think I've learned that I have made peace w/ this situation but it's sad nonetheless.

D3: I was still lucid & chained right into a different setting by using the technique of looking at a single inanimate object. I was looking at a bed first & then a door. I walked right into a woman's house. Her grown man child was talking to her like a dog. I was very calm as I was in the last 2 dreams. I was very focused on the very white walls of an apartment. It was very very nice. I could have done some cool stuff but I'm working on the details & control so I just comforted her & helped her stand up her son & his friends. My control over my emotions was very new in dreams. It's the one place you can do things you probably won't do in real life or on rare occasions. But calm or more accurate peaceful, in dreams is strangely hard for me. I took the time to do this as I walked in & out the door. I woke up feeling like I did a meditation. It was very serene.

I decided to keep my journal colour coded, so it's easier for me to re-read them and jump into lucid parts or parts that are somehow important. So blue is going to be lucid and red will indicate any insights or an outtake of the dreams.

In my sleep today I was finally able to fully realize and complete a mental map of my own portal into a lucid dream. Not that I didn't know about it before. I always kept a mental map of it. But it was rather intuitive and I never actually tried to draw it on paper. Today however I was able to "finish" it in my dream and give it structure.

So my personal portal leading to a state of lucid dreams is a particular building. It means that whenever I see it or find myself inside of it, I know I'm dreaming and thus, start lucid dreaming. I've been there a number of times and took my time to explore it. I know its every corner and every door. It's always the same and always works like a charm.

It has two parts to it. It has a facade and a rear side that leads me into a reoccurring town. Its left wing leads into a state of a regular dream, meaning that if I choose to go to its left side I will always transition into another dream, usually non-lucid. It's a great way for me to escape an unwanted LD or beat/hide/run away from monsters.

If I, however, choose to exit through its rear door, which is situated in the right wing of the building, I will inevitably end up in this re-occuring town. The town, just like a building, always stays the same but has a very large territory which i haven't explored fully yet.

What is interesting though is that in order for me to get to its left side (i.e. regular dream exit) I need to climb a secret staircase in between the building's walls. I access that staircase through a kitchen of a restaurant on the ground floor. There is no other known way to get to the left side. Until today I didn't question why it works this way. Why does it have to be secret and located between the walls? Why is there no easier way to exit to a state of regular dream? Is it because our minds always have to have "doors" to carry us from one place into another?

The building itself has about 5-6 floors, is non-residential and have numerous offices, where I see people working away. They usually do some kind of office work, using a lot of paper. The building is pretty harmless and nobody usually pays attention to me. They have a restaurant on the ground floor and a pool.

There is also a scary part to this building, and I don't like it when I somehow end up in there. It has underground floors that go deep below the ground level. From the look of it, it looks like an old hotel with A LOT of similar doors. Its halls seem endless and there is always something chasing me. One time I decided to face it, and it looked like a tall human-like creature with very long hands. I don't know where the doors lead because I am afraid to open them. I tried opening a door once to runaway from that creature, and I found myself in a small room. There was a boy watching TV in that room and he was very surprised and frightened to see me. I wonder what these creatures represent and why I am scared of them.

So, in my dream today I wondering in a quiet forest and was thinking about this portal. It's funny that mine looks like an office building. I also thought that our mind is a very clever thing always giving you two options to choose from: walking into a LD (in my case, it's a town) or find my way into a state of a regular dream. In 99% of time, I choose to climb the secret staircase to get to it's regular dream side if I'm ever given the choice.

Nothing really going on in my dreams really. But I am rereading A discovery of witches by Deborah Harkness. The All Souls Trilogy. This was the series that sparked my interest in lucid dreaming due to story of "weavers" & my silly little gift of asking where things are out loud & finding things. I've been able to do this for a very long time. Anyway, this time around I'm going to savor it all & use it as a tool for my lucid dreaming. It seems while over the holiday I kind of got side tracked. Not to mention the election & inauguration coming up on Friday with me being an online activist and all. I pray people will settle down & just accept things. I do try to do my best to get peacefulness out there & expose those who are sabotaging this celebratory event.

This dream was what I recalled this morning following the intention: My intention for tonight is first and foremost to wake up and remember my dreams. Secondly I feel like I am approaching a cross-roads and I feel uncertain about where to place my efforts, so I would be thrilled with some assistance from my dreams in this respect. But foremost I trust my dreams and want to remember whatever they bring. It feels as if it is relevant somehow and I will use it as an opportunity to practise both descriptive evocative writing as well as Jungian interpretation methods.

I am pondering the idea of going to Mexico, which appears much as you perceive a fantasy or mnemonic ideation in the waking state – the incipient sense of an image, a map perhaps, appearing before my inner eye.

I direct my attention outwards and find myself in the passenger seat in Steen's silver-grey car, although I am inside the car I can clearly see the matte nuance of the silver grey colour on the outside of the car. My dad is in the back seat, and he seems gleeful and excited though he doesn't say or do much during the dream. We are going on a trip, and my dad and Steen are there helping me out, as it is mainly me going on a mission.

It is pouring down outside, it is clouded and grey, which produce a darkish hue. We are at a ticket office, which resembles a mixture between a gas station and a junk food drive in. There are two protruding window tills on our right hand side and above an almost square section of roofing is covering the pavement next to the windows, providing some cover for the rain outside.

We drive slowly towards the first of the two window tills – one for ordering another for picking up the tickets – and as we do I feel something bump into the car towards the back, which also produce a mild audible thump. I look out the window and backwards to see if Steen has accidentally hit one of the massive concrete columns extending from the building. He is really close but I can't see any damage done to the car.

I lean back in and Steen switches on the radio and the GPS system. The audio-scape is flooded with remnants of old mobile conversations, radio clatter and noise. I feel uneasy and a bit confused, as it is supposed to be a GPS system, providing guidance. Steen remains rather calm and composed and simply asks the GPS if it is there, and it dawns on me that it is a voice activated system.

“I am here” a clear loud and direct female voice responds, which is a tremendous reassurance.

Steen proceeds to drive forward and I wonder why I don't have to open the window to get the ticket. “It isn't necessary when you have one of these” he says and points to a rectangular electronic device, with an old school digital display in the bottom right corner of the front window, just in front of me as it would seem. It is essentially a device that registers that he has been here and automatically charges him for the ferry ride, which is what the ticket office is for.

“So we are going to Iceland” he says, and I feel at first excited, but then a bit concerned because we will be sailing and we are supposed to go to either Mexico or the Faeroe Islands as well today and I am afraid we won't have time. I think about this only briefly before relinquishing the thought at aspiration to do all of these things.

We look at a map and a black marker line appears that takes us from the ticket office “to Odden” which on the map is a full scale island, elongated and egg shaped except for a very pointed en on the right hand side. The black line takes us to the top and centre of the island, where the port town is based, from where we will board the ferry to Iceland.

End of dream.

In this interpretation I will start by breaking down the dream into its constituent motifs, and run free associations on them.

There is a preceding map, an idea of a journey – which implies a plan and a set destination it also represents an overview of a trip, which can symbolise knowledge of where I am going in life. This is particularly salient as I am taken somewhere else than what I had “mapped out”, which excites me although the expectation of having to go somewhere specific within a given time frame becomes a source of frustration and tension/restlessness.

The car is a solid and large station car, it is silver grey – the colour symbolising the silver grey snake-like pathway through space I frequently perceive in meditation, cannabis and psychedelic states also symbolising the spiritual cord often reported as seen in OBEs.

The car is a symbol of my body, it is in good shape and the fact that my dad has been relegated to the back seat can be an expression of our recent confrontations and my insights on how he has dominated the development of my low self-esteem though his parenting style. He is now put in the back seat, representing that I still carry him with me and care for his approval and love, yet this aspect is no longer the driving motivating psychic energy for my aspirations for life – such as “save the world and become super famous”, which is simply a conditioned tendency I have developed as I felt under appreciated and unseen as a child.

Steen is an old friend of the family, both my mum and dad – I associate to him that he recently helped me out with cheaply renting his summer house to me following an Ayahuasca journey where I wanted to stop smoking and I didn't feel for returning to my parents' house where I currently live right after. At this time he said to me that he sees how my dad communicates to people and told me that one would get insane living in that environment constantly, which felt extremely pleasant to hear as someone external with knowledge of my dad seemed to understand how hard it can be. Recently my mother expressed – in a sober state – that it can be extremely challenging for her to live in that and that friends of the family finds it a challenge to be around him as well. With Steen in the driver's seat I feel that I have taken a step towards taking control of my life and am grateful for the moral support of individuating myself from my dad, who has – without fault of his own or even consciously – dominated much of my life, through establishing uncertainty both with regards to a fragile self-esteem but also the messianic and grandiose drive to save the world to finally be worthy of his admiration and love. Steen represents a new found aspect of myself that is compassionate and understanding towards why I have turned out as I did as well as the drive to liberate myself from the clutches of my dad.

The rain outside symbolise a torrential state of affairs with regards to my emotions – since my last Ayahuasca journey it is as if a lid has been removed and my libido is now coursing freely upwards, which result in more passionate responses and an easier time setting boundaries. It could also symbolise the fact that I am expending a lot of emotional energy in response to external uncontrollable aspects of the world, which is reminiscent of the saviour complex alluded to earlier.

The ticket office could symbolise a public institution, such as the Health Authorities which I have recently been in contact with, with regards Ayahuasca. I might be approaching, or at least that is how I perceive it, a point where I am close to getting in trouble due to my enquiries, yet no harm is done yet. The whole point of issuing a ticket could represent my thinking on Ayahuasca's precarious legal status and potentially in the future thinking of a license model for practising, where the dream hints at that license is nothing that comes from the outside but an internal license, a calling (electronic ticket system).

The GPS and radio system is particularly interesting to me. The clatter represents conditioned thinking and the attention I pay to outward clues for finding out how to direct my life. However when I look closely the “ancient mother” (female GPS voice) is there and is capable of taking me in the direction I need to go. The trick is to ask and learn to listen for what is coming from within and ignore restrictions I put on myself based on external sources of esteem and approval.

The fact that I am concerned with the duration of the trip represents a problematic aspect of how I relate to life in an impatient way. I am lacking trust in life unfolding as it is supposed to. This is related again to the map I saw in the beginning of the dream, which representative of how I tend to construct expectations of how life SHOULD unfold and I am operating under an assumption that I need to go somewhere specific and I need to go there quickly. In essence this result in an escapist approach to life, where I am not allowing it to unfold on its own terms and cannot fully embrace and meet events in a curious, compassionate and open way.

The end of the dream I see the ocean and the beach sort of imaginatively overlapped onto the map with the black line. I take it to symbolise that I am still in the process of letting go of my tendency to construct expectations and narrow definitions of success, but I will shortly arrive at a position where I let go and let Life overcome me and simply concede to the abrupt changes that are about to happen, with excited anticipation and joy in letting whatever happens happen. The fact that it is a sailing trip could represent a recognition of the potent force of the collective unconscious, and my submitting the stubborn fantasy that I am in control and surrendering to the collective collected wisdom of the evolution of Life itself.

Reconstructing the meaning from associated and elaborated ideas.

So a potential message from the dream could be that I am still constructing expectations of where and how life should take me. This becomes a source of frustration when I run into unexpected opportunities and twists of fate.

My dad has been a source for grandiose and messianic ideation, due to his belittling and command-like style of communication, from where he will never explain why he commands, reminds, reprimands, but simply asserts himself in a supercilious tone of voice. Since we have widely different interests in life and he has proclaimed that he has no interest (or capacity) in trying to understand me I have since very early childhood developed these tendencies as a way to garner his approval, which is already there he has just never shown it in a way I could understand it when younger. The fact that he is relegated to the back seat symbolise that I am relegating the grandiose and very ambitious saviour identities – and associated expectancies – to a position where they are no longer “driving me”.

The downpour contrasted with the comfortable, sturdy and undamaged quality of the silver grey car, can symbolise the progress I am making with meditation, where I have found an easier time dealing with painful emotions, as well as physical symptoms. They aren't allowed to penetrate to my core and when I continue the exercise I will strengthen my capacity to sift out the “radio clatter” (which can also signify the attribution of value to others' judgement of me) and listen to the voice of my heart, represented here by the Anima archetype, my deity in prayer – Mother Gaia.

The ticket office close call could symbolise that I need to tone down my activities with certain authorities to avoid getting in trouble, especially because I already have an inner license to pursue my dreams.

The trip to Iceland represents where I am headed next, which isn't a literal journey, although that might be fun also. In fact it might be very useful as it is Steen guiding me, which could mean a pointer to a place of safe haven, which he provided following my last Ayahuasca journey. However I have also recently considered reading up on mythology to get a better understanding of the empirical data that underpins the theory of the archetypes. This journey serves as a pointer towards examining Nordic mythology and shamanistic/divination cultural history.

In short. With particular reference to the intention here I am being reminded that uncertainty is OK, cause if I try and envision or anticipate a direction I will form an expectation, which will lead to suffering when life takes me elsewhere. As long as I listen to my inner voice the direction is guaranteed, so I should just continue the work of being better at letting go of old ways of thinking and sharpen my attention on what matters instead of the clatter. Then a further dive into the Nordic mythology is in store.

Thursday January 12, Non-Lucid: My childhood friend Shannon & I & some other friends of ours were in some sort of picture posing contest. At the end we submitted the photos that we had taken at a checkout counter which was of course odd. There were rows & rows of candy.

Friday January 13, D1: Non-Lucid: I was staying w/ others at what looked kind of like a bed & bread & breakfast but it was actually a huge house w/ many several kitchens, floors, rooms & no sharing of bathrooms. It was very old but not run down. On the contrary that is what made it very beautiful. It had recessed panels in the walls which are something you might see an older library or very old home owned by someone wealthy. There was a creepy man running the "Inn". It felt like there were people in the walls which made me uneasy. It all felt like a very sinister situation which caused me to wake up. I snuggled up to Mike before I went back to sleep because I felt so uneasy.

Friday January 13, D2: In & out of lucidity: I unfortunately chained right back into the dream. This time me & the mans son who was also there found a dead woman in one of the walls in a kitchen. Me & the other guests weren't being allowed to leave now. I was pleading w/ the man's son that we wouldn't tell anyone if he could just help us escape but he was terrified of his father. The son was a grown man in his 20's so it seemed as though this more young man had seen many horrors for quite some time. Me & the other guests had many failed escapes which only made the owner even angrier. I finally just woke up out of fear.

Saturday January 14, Non-Lucid: I was in a minimum security prison but not sure why. I was in a class w/ Dana Carvey the actor/comedian. I was drawing a plan to escape but I'm not much of an artist. He said he'd give it some thought. Another day we came into another classroom much like the first & I sat in the chair that the "Top Dog" of the prison usually sat at. She was angry when she came in but finally let me sit there because I needed to sit there to see out the windows & out of door while I was sketching more ideas for an escape. Later she was very impressed by a fuse system I had developed to help us escape. My wbtb went off but I couldn't fall back asleep because I had to get up & check out the weather again. We have been doing this sense yesterday due to the ice storm warnings.

Sunday January 15, Non-Lucid: My childhood friend Bobby & I were at a water park. I really wanted to stay asleep because I haven't seen him in a crazy amount of yrs. But of course I did anyway. The dream was pleasant & just a typical dream of having fun at a water park.

Monday January 16, Non-lucid: This dream is funny but graphic so I need it to have a spoiler for ADULT CONTENT>

Spoiler for ADULT CONTENT:

I was in a motel room w/ my younger sister Dena. We were getting ready to go to sleep. This is the second dream I've had about a week apart that I was just dropped into a dream scene. Apparently we were staying there because a man was stalking me or something. We had just got off the phone w/ a detective. The only light in the room was just small bits under the door to the room itself. I couldn't see my sister but I could feel her sitting next to me in the bed but I was scooted forward when I sat up unlike her who was sat up against the headboard. And here's where shit gets fucking weird. I feel a strange feeling in my vagina & instinctively put my hand down there. It was all very life like as though I had all my senses. A 9 volt battery came out of me! As a second one was coming out I yelled at my sister to call the detective back & to get here quick. She was really annoyed at her attitude but I didn't tell her what was happening. I think she was reading via a book light but I never saw her. I laid back on my back & pulled out 2 more 9 volt batteries out. Right then I heard a man in our room & I told my sister a man was in here w/ us. I couldn't decide which thing freaked me out more so I ran into the bathroom & checked to see if my vagina was okay. All out of batteries! Apparently I take 4 9 volt batteries, ROTFLMAO! I opened the door of the bathroom trying to get back to my sister but it didn't open up into the motel room but a busy hallway that looked like a busy courthouse. A woman passing me said "There's no cops here" & just walked on. I woke up IRL & ran to the bathroom & checked my vagina for batteries! It was such a realistic dream. This was definitely one of the weirdest dream ever!


Sorry for the delay in posting. We've been under a severe ice storm warning from Thursday-Sunday. There is a whole preparation list of shit to do when this occurs. My generator has paid for itself the year we had no electricity for a week & other catastrophe's we have endured.

I haven't put any focus on WILDs in quite some time but was motivated to mix attempts back in the last 2 nights, but only after doing my MILD to increase chances of my fairly trusty DILDs if the WILD fails. At BTB I do location-aha-MILD first, followed by face to face, clear view release and some REM eye movement simulation (4 eye sweeps behind closed eyelids). The face to face and REM simulation are found to be the most efficient method of losing the feel of my waking body. I get a good number of color and pattern HH's, followed by some that resemble objects and people, followed by dreamlets. At those first two stages I was able to use a technique of "reaching" for additional senses related to the items more than just the visual: primarily tactile and temperature, but sometimes sounds and smells that match with the visual. I didn't remember to try taste. For the third stage where I was getting dreamlets I found that I had to become more passive it seemed because I was finding my senses return to my waking body or perhaps within an FA. I didn't test it, assuming FA's and decided I did need to be more passive during these dreamlets, perhaps wrongly. I know passive is generally recommended but since I have a fair bit of experience with WILDs I feel more inclined toward the active side of the scale. Anyway, I end up in an FA and then an actual waking or FA where I go for a WILD.

I am naked in bed with my wife and for some reason my mother in law is there and I seem to be semi-lucid at this stage but as more people arrive I seem to drop below semi-lucid and get caught up in the dream. I see this commercial anti-bacterial spray I have looked for in the past and ask the guy where he got it without a good answer. I either wake or have another FA in my normal bed/scenario and go for a DEILD but feels more like a WILD with HH's and back to reaching for additional senses tied to the HH visuals. After some fading in and out of HHs I get a more steady one that looks most like a cave opening at first and imagine some cooler air emanating from it. It develops into a a vague looking canyon and then to a canyon formation like you might see in Arches National Park with a double arch entrance to a canyon opening where both "arches" were relatively flat on their top sides but the bottom "arch" had an arch shape to it whereas the top "arch" was also relatively flat across the bottom as well. This was all in a brightly lit daylight scene once the arches formed. This morphed from more of a natural formation to something purposely built like you might see in a sci-fi set on a canyon-like planet. I want to go there but it seems my dream body is still forming so I use intent with my eyes to start moving in that direction and I reach for the sensation of the wind on my face and body and it feels like a slightly cool breeze and I am now flying in my dream body. As I get to the canyon "entrance" I land due to the low clearance and find my self alternating between walking and crawling in a very cool scene that seems a lot like a dry cave but tons of light coming in on the far side that I want to get to and also light coming from the side I came in on. It was a very cool place to explore, but I love caves and canyons. It also reminded me of some of my favorite lucid dreams like the wall and childhood "treasures" found on the beach of the grassy sea (posted in my DJ on DV somewhere a good ways back). As I get to the end of the low clearance I fly up and out to the next bend in the canyon and think of one of the TOTM's and decide that an alien spaceship will be the right around the bend but nothing is there. I then decide it will be at the top of this canyon wall to my left and I fly up to the top of it and there it is a huge mega spaceship with an outer shell that is made up of many circular metal panels with lattice work in between, perhaps 100 circular panels on the side of the ship that I can see. I fly into the lattice work and I feel myself being pulled further into the craft with a fade to darkness at first but soon after a bright long and fairly wide hall appears that looks like a mall with humans walking around and a food place to my right. Perhaps the scenario is that the dream aliens created an environment where I would feel comfortable but I proceeded to treat it just like any dream scene. I tried to slow down one lady passing by, but she seemed in a hurry and I look ahead down the hallway/walkway of the "mall" and see a tall beautiful lady that looks slightly not of this world with her unusually big and stunningly attractive eyes.
(eyes were wider and bigger but this is close)
After the experience with the previous lady I made sure I would be able to stop her in her tracks by creating the back story of: "Finally we are reunited! It has been so long!" grasping both of her hands face to face and giving her a big wet kiss. I feel myself getting rather excited but I remember to calm down. I think of another TOTM, the pencil one and tell her I have something to show her and reach in my back pocket but coming up empty handed. I then ask her if she has a pencil and she pulls one out of her purse and I try to float it in the air in front of me and it disappears. I then walk over to the food place and ask the guy behind the counter for a pencil and he gives me one. I see an order stub on the counter and float the pencil with the tip touching the paper and tell it to draw something and it starts doodling. It looks like nothing more than a toddler's drawing but as I look closer, it looks like it morphs into words on the order stub. I wake and quickly use the bathroom in order to get back to dreaming, this time RCing to make sure I'm actually awake. I jot down a few keywords from the dream and a few quick drawings of the canyon arches and the alien craft lattice work and go back to bed, forgetting to write down the words that I remembered.

After playing with HH's for a while and deciding to doze off, I get a dream where the wife asks me where one of the bills is and if it has been paid. I said that I think I filed it already but I can check on the computer if I paid it. At the computer, the keyboard is missing and I ask my wife if she's seen it but then I find the keyboard unplugged and sitting on top of the computer desktop tower. I feel someone tugging on me in darkness and I realize I must have fallen asleep, maybe in front of the computer. Either way I treat the tugging as HHs not waking life and a scene forms where I am at an office elevator and a woman is asking me for directions. Already aware that I am dreaming I decide to see where the elevator takes me just like in last night's lucid, with a little excited anticipation. I don't remember anything but going up in the elevator before waking up needing to pee again and I decide to get up for the day.