side notes

Been fairly discouraged recently from my lack of results. I feel like I'm trying too hard but at the same time I know if I put in less effort that doesn't get me anywhere from past experiences. I must be fundamentally missing something here.



Dream from the night of Feb 19th

A man is a DJ in a movie theater, switching between DJing and using a giant laser-tag assault rifle that lights up and makes zappy sounds. The zap sound effect is so crushed and poor quality sounding.

Everyone else is using old school laser-tag guns that have to reload slowly after each shot so it's unfair going against the DJ with his fully automatic laser.

I'm looking at the world top down and I see an airplane take off near three mile Island, the DJ guy is on it. I am with someone else and we both follow it landing in Ukraine where he is meeting a love interest. It's like an Indiana Jones map sequence but viewing the real world instead of a map.

As the above is going on I'm simultaneously holding a jar of mayo. I have a lid that is so small that it fits inside the jar of mayo and I begin screwing it on, halfway inside the jar. I can feel the threading catch as it tightens, there's mayo all over my hands. It's not even a complete lid, it's just the outer rim of a mason jar lid without the center metal part with the gasket.


Now the dreams from last night
I did a WBTB last night.



Dream 1

I'm at some sort of gathering and I have a non-IWL girlfriend with me. It's like we're trapped in some sort of giant playpen, the floor was thick foam and there was colorful jungle-gym like equipment around us. We want some privacy so we use these giant foam buildable pieces to make a sort of fortress.

When we get into the fortress that we built it's suddenly as if we're in a car that's very similar to a Chrysler 300 S. We're putting the seats forward to make room as we're in the back seats.

The tinted windows are halfway down and I notice we're now parked by a restaurant and a large window is about 50 ft away from us. My mom is in this restaurant seated right by the window and she's staring at us grumpily. I put the windows up to block the view of her.

I don't know where this fits in but Tami asks me "how come when people refer to Banjo-Kazooie they don't talk about the characters or worlds, they just say 'Banjo-Kazooie'.



Dream 2

There are these cats that have really thick fur that is more like sheep wool. It's very dense and feels awesome to squeeze their fur, I could feel the oils that were in it. There were two of these cats and they were on a bed. The bed had three strips going down the length of it, as if demonstrating that this bed could have three people in it.

I bring Tami to the bed and want to show her these cats, she pets them then lays down in the middle spot on the bed. Suddenly there's a creepy guy to her left in that 'slot' and rolls over to her, grinning with his face way too close to her cheek, I instinctively push him off the bed.


Dream 3

I'm speaking with RacheL. We're talking about mundane things in life that 'you just have to do'. Like work, shopping, etc. She says 'why would you do that?' to one of these things that seem mandatory in life. And I say well you know, it's something we have to do - you know? She says 'Uhh.. No'. I ask her 'Haven't you ever had to do something before that you didn't want to do?' to which she responds plainly 'No. Why would you do that?', and looks at me in a way that makes me 'remember'. I stop and think 'You're right.. I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do' and genuinely felt like it was true, almost like remembering a state before this life or something where everything truly is optional.



Dream 4 - Fragment

Some small tribe camp with tents by the sea, a campfire is in a central location of the camp. The camp is stormed by people from another tribe that are very similarly dressed as the people in the tribe they're attacking, loin cloths and white dripping painted handprints against their dark skin. Some had spears, some had bows and arrows.



Dream 5 - Fragment
VHS tapes or something in a store. One section had long artificial seaweed for a fish tank, Tami wanted it. (IWL she bought some fish today, funny coincidence)



Dream 6 - Fragment
There is David and someone else, perhaps James. They are getting a new computer for me, almost like as a reimbursement for something they messed up on.

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WBTB - 3:30am

I've been curious what kind of efffect an extremely low dose of LSD would do after a WBTB on dreaming so I gave it a shot tonight. I woke up and took ~2.5 μg of LSD and immediately went back to bed without staying up for more than a few minutes. I quickly felt something in my mind 'turn on' and I realized that even though this was a micro-dose of a micro-dose that it was still going to be enough to probably interrupt my sleep based on what I was feeling.

It did take a while to fall back asleep so I'm going to try this again in a few days but at one tenth of this dose at ~0.25 μg instead. These dreams were more vivid than usual but at the same time felt sort of interrupted.


Dream 1

I'm selling a white car that was previously a cop car. Some people are going to come by to look at it.

A cop car parks in my driveway and two police get out. They have keys to open the car I'm selling, they get in and try to start it but fail. They don't seem happy and they say they'll be back, they want to take it or impound it or something.

Then a family came by, a wife, husband and their son. The wife wanted the car so she paid for it and they drove off.

She ends up texting me something about a bullet hole in the car and that it's not working.

I drive out and find them, looks like she hit a tree. They're all okay and I ask her about this bullet hole that she mentioned. She says nevermind about that, I end up taking the car off their hands to scrap it.

Dream 2

A really emotionally charged dream, no doubt brought on by the LSD.

Note: I was stranded for an hour in Didsbury while my family (Dad brother) went to the rec center. I was hungry and was dropped off at Tim Hortons to have a meal. On walking towards the rec center a white SUV drove past me and the woman driving by looked like Jamie, and she was smiling at me (With teeth)! I could have sworn she did a drive by at the end of the summer but was in a rickety brown SUV. Maybe not the same person, or maybe I'm imagining things? Maybe she traded in her old vehicle? So, we've gone from pretending I don't exist, to, drive bys and stealing glances to, driving by and smiling. What's the next step? waving? Not a joke or sarcasm. Slowly but surely... <----- positive dots!!!

Dream 1

Me and Jamie are in a car and we are pulling up to fas gas in olds. That's it.

Dream 2

Dreaming from Jamie's perspective, I'm in a house and I'm looking out a window waiting until someone pulls. I feel like a real estate agent in this dream.

Dream 3

I walk into a large room with all these colorful lights enhanced by a smoke machine. (If you've ever been to the mirror museum exhibit in chinook mall this is exactly what it was like)Jamie is in the room but she is gigantic and laying on the floor. I'm only as tall as the width of one of her legs. That's it I just walk in and that's it.

At least one or two other dreams of Jamie not even a fraction of a second long.

Psych ward

I live in a psych ward or retreat (Definitely where I belong btw.) I'm friends with an older brown haired woman. We both smoke and get eachother smokes or something. She wears a ponytail and wears glasses. Eventually her time ends and her husband picks her up and I'm sad. I sulk around after she leaves and the dream ends.

Oh no

I did pray about dreaming sexual things about other women, and hence this explains the influx of Jamie dreams. However this morning, I dreamed I was going to meet this girl I met off Tinder or something. I'm in a strange apartment building, I find her room number which is 316 or something. I go in and everything is pitch black. Being in a pitch black place in a dream just wakes me up.

Some people have messaged me and/or left comments asking "Who is Jamie?" I understand my journal entries must seem like the ravings of a madman, I can assure you, I consider it a possibility every single day. Jamie is someone I use to work with in 2011, We were friends (the vocal pretext we had both agreed upon- the subtext however... slightly different story). Long complicated story I'm not going into. to the layman, (Someone who is completely atheist and is a scoffer at anything spiritual, or having anything like a god in the universe, supernatural, paranormal. etc) I suffer from a bizarre form of Limerence, and "Spiritual psychosis", and Jamie is the Idealized object of this. In more spiritual terms it is also known as "Twin Flame," or "Alien Love bite", Neither term I agree with, however I have read experiences from many people that I can relate to ( I watched a long youtube of a panel of people from the ALB community and listened to a couple explain how they were having mutual or shared dreams). Scoffers will scoff, fine. I define it simply as: Seemingly paranormal facilitation and interference in human relationships. There's also a psychosis in the mix as well, BPD, Both of us have levels of such a disorder. In my case I love bomb someone who shows interest in me and when I feel they are going to abandon me, I promptly dump them or cut them out of my life, and then horrifyingly try to "Win them back,". I was not even aware of this "Cycle," until I met Jamie and analyzed our friendship years later, and reading what BPD is.

Years after, the "Discarding" of one another. I began experiencing paranormal events all over again. Seeing annoying "Angel signs," regarding her. As well as a sudden influx of dreams about her. I have a long history on this forum being able to share dreams with people. And i Still experience this to this day, the sharing of dreams. I began to wonder if it was a possibility, that we were somehow reaching one another in dreams. Such phenomena increased with such intensity (and things jamie was doing and saying in dreams) It became such a great concern to me that I was compelled to send her a handful of messages over a period of a few months. I told her from as many angles as I could what stuff I was experiencing. Just being open and relaying messages that I had learned. After the first message, In the dreams of her, she began to first act repulsed by me in the dreams and then began to be more okay with it. And after my last long explanatory message the dream her seemed fine. I did relay in my message that this dream journal exists, and that she can read it. These dream journals have a subscribe button, (I don't get notified of subscribers) and such people get an email every time I post an entry. It's likely I gave her a link to my dream journal when we were friends in 2011, and she has been subscribed since then. Or a few years ago she did. I'm not going to speculate. But it definitely seems like she reads my dream journal and then in later dreams she will react to what I dreamed about. She has never messaged me back however, But did mark my message as, "Read." sometimes she would leave a message, "Unread" So I take it as a sign of minimal respect for my efforts. In the end she has a disorder, where various people are discarded, and most of those people will never be in touch again. so no, I am not expecting a message back, or for her to be friends again. We both have some severe emotional problems that would probably end in complete disaster, or worse, all over again, if not handled EXTREMELY carefully.

Unfortunately, I have had to move back to the area where I met her. and it's possible I may have run into her when I first arrived here, at a convenience store. The person, had to turn around and leave the store, after their purchase and I was standing in. She didn't look me in the eye at all, seemed slightly aware that it was me. but looked really pissed or at least annoyed that I was there. I was not surprised at this reaction at all, I even expected it, given what I know about the disorder. and then a few times over a few months. she had driven by me at least once or twice and was stealing glances at me. No, I don't imagine she is stalking me. This IS a series of small towns where you are bound to run into anyone you ever known in this area at any given day.

This journal then is for Jamie to read as she sees fit. As long as I dream about her, I will keep posting entries.

Dreams

1. Jamie, is tied to a wall in a hotel room... she is naked. and some guy is standing near her. He had glasses, hair poorly bleached with brown hair at the part.

that's all I remember. I wake up and The voice says,, "Why was I naked?"

2. I dream my dog is getting really angry at me because I am playing with a cat. His mouth looked really strange and scary.

3. I was in bed with someone, But it was this other girl, from Wal-mart. She is pregnant I start kissing her and she kisses me back. A strange thought of doubt runs through my head.

I wake up. and fall back asleep.

Note: it seems the past few weeks, I have been unable to meet Jamie in the dreams lately just have dreams about her. We both seem to have been dreaming about people who are "Distractions". The goal: to prevent us dreaming the same dream. I will pray and/or meditate on this.

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Notable day supplements: No caffeine

I didn't put very much effort into recalling my dreams last night, I guess I've gotten used to them coming to me fairly easily and thought I wouldn't have to try as hard. Turns out effort is still required, I didn't recall that much.



Dream 1 - Fragment

In my dream, I wake up in bed (different than my IWL bedroom). I feel kind of odd so I glance at my watch and see that my heart rate is fluctuating between 5 and 10 bpm. I'm alarmed but I try to really freak myself out to get my adrenaline going, which works and my heart rate goes up to normal.*



Dream 2 - Fragment

I'm flying FPV, but instead of flying the drone I have it's sort of a hybrid between two different models. I like its power balance and agility, I think I'm flying over the ocean at one point.



Dream 3 - Fragment

I'm with two girls and we need to drive somewhere fast, but we won't make it in time. They say that we should try flying. I say 'Wait, we can fly here?' and one of them says 'Yeah, but it's really difficult. You just have to 100% believe that you can fly'. One of the girls can slightly hover, but the other one and myself are struggling.



* This dream was triggered by a reddit post I read just a few days ago where someone's heart rate dropped down to 10bpm.

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Notable day substances: No caffeine - was tempted today though.

I woke up at 3:45 for WBTB, since I've done it many days in a row waking up at this time is really easy now. But I wanted to see how my dreams would differ if I had a full night of sleep tonight so I went right back to sleep (though it took maybe 10mins).



Dream 1

I can’t really recall this dream. I only remember that there was an RV that was full of movies. Also I was sitting on a couch with RacheL, I made a funny observation that fell flat.



Dream 2

I go to dreamviews, on the landing page it shows a list of recently banned users. I think 'Weird, I've never noticed this before' There's only one name on the list, 'Harlequin'. I think 'what?? What could've Harlequin even done to get banned?' I ponder about how the site has such little activity, over-protection as well doesn't help.



Dream 3

I'm in an old strange run down house sleeping against a window. There are glass window panels all around me and there are plants growing through the window, they’re all around me. I'm frustrated and hop off the window sill.

Linda seems to be here. I leave the house and it's surrounded by sparse woods, mainly open untamed fields.

Mayan comes by and begins guiding me somewhere. We travel through the woods until we're in a small neatly kept neighborhood.

The front door to one of the buildings is open, and he takes us through it. We go to the living room, he sits me down on a couch and then he sort of wanders off.

The furniture is organized in a circle facing inward and every seat is filled, maybe about 17 people or so. Before I sat down they were all laughing and having some sort of party or something. But now they all went silent and are just staring at me.

I look at each person's face, and I don't recognize anyone*. From what I can tell this is a birthday party, most of them are a bit older - from early to late 40's.

I apologize for dropping in so randomly and kind of jokingly point out how awkward this is but the tension remains. Very slowly people begin picking up their previous conversations but when I try to connect with the people closest to me everyone would stop again and stare.

Eventually things were more relaxed. There were two guys off to my right speaking Russian, they were wearing very Russian jogging apparel. I ask them if they speak any German. One of them puts his index finger and thumb very close together and says "some". I responded "Ein bisschen?" (A little?) he responds affirmingly in German with a Russian accent - something I haven’t heard before.

We have a short conversation in German where I mainly get across that I've been learning it for fun for the past few years.

I hear tearing from my left, I look over to see one of the guys wearing a party crown opening a present. I ask him if it's his birthday, he says yeah. I say 'lemme guess you're turning.. ' I look at his features, I think 46 but maybe he's closer to 45' someone else says '46?' I respond with 'I was gonna say that too but my guess is 45'. Birthday guy says he's turning 43.

This went on longer and eventually I got to know more people and it was alright. It was a very vivid dream. Besides feeling super awkward at first it ended up relaxed and boring even.



* I can still recall most of the faces of the people there really well. Normally I forget the features of dream character's faces pretty quickly.

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Notable substances: No caffeine, 5mg Benedryl 9:00PM (testing out some potential REM rebound effects)



Dream 1 - FPS

I was on one of two teams against each other, first person shooter style. It was slightly more real life than game. I used a shot glass to rest my sniper rifle on while aiming, I thought it was a pretty cool idea and I showed it to my teammates and they did too (even though it accomplished nothing). I took sight to headshot an enemy on another rooftop, I waited for the perfect moment and fired - it should have taken the other guy out but it was like he canceled it and he was annoyed.

One of the guys from the other team came over to us and wanted us to surrender or something. Apparently the entire team were cops, outside of the game. They were somehow corrupt game cops, they demanded that we let them win.

I’m not sure how that situation resolved, but it was over now. I was being shown a pamphlet for some lost dreaming ideas or techniques (I'm so oblivious).

One of them involved a way to store many details about a dream you want to re-enter later by using a drug called 'Quona'

As I was looking at it I heard someone speaking highly of it 'I'm not familiar with this but any guide made by (username that I forget) is great!



WBTB

I had an alarm set to 3:45am but I woke up before it went off at 3:36am - this was after about 4 and a half hours of sleep. I read some of Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming and then returned to bed at 4:20am after doing some brief stretches.

I performed the tense-relaxation technique described in ETWOLD and did a bit of the 31 of the 61 relaxation points until I felt very comfortable. I tried to WILD but I kept catching myself almost losing consciousness. I was struggling on the verge for a while and then fell asleep.



Dream 2 - Boat dream

I'm on top of a massive aircraft carrier boat. There's a crowd of people on the shore watching me. I run and jump off the back deck tucking into a ball and flip as many times as I can before hitting the water, which was quite a ways down. The crows cheers. I vaguely recall swimming back to a dock where the crowd was.



Dream 3 - Ceiling dream

I'm jumping trying to hit my head on a drop ceiling. I can't, I announce some sort of challenge to see who can pull it off. There were a lot of people wandering around, they all simultaneously stopped what they begin jumping as high as they can to hit the ceiling with their heads.

I get a running start, jump and this time I hit it easily, briefly lifting one of the ceiling panels with my head. Everyone's clapping, I say that their involvement was why I was able to do it.



Dream 4 - Some violence

I'm in this super-religious household*. Everyone is wearing old school dresses and stuff. Everyone including me seems to be around 20-ish, excluding the parents.

I'm getting ready to go to school. Apparently I have a dream friend who wasn't present, and he had a girlfriend who is sick. I go into her room to check how she's feeling and she's doing okay.

I realize that I'm actually not feeling that well myself. I go to leave the room but my shoulders are seized and I'm pulled back into the room.

The mom of this girl was apparently hiding in the closet the whole time, which is who yanked me back in. She’s saying how great her daughter is and how great we would be as a couple and rambles about this almost incoherently, her eyes look insane. She wants us to get to know each other she says as she leaves the room and locks us in it. I'm very creeped out and am still trying to figure out how she had even fit in the closet, I just want away from this whole situation.

A time jump occurs and now I'm standing in school. Then my dream friend, the boyfriend of the girl, comes from around the hall. He's furious, his face is red and he's clearly been crying. He has a black knife in his hand, he thinks I slept with his girlfriend.

I start backing up, simultaneously saying that I need to explain what's going on (and try to figure it out for myself as well) while reaching into my right pocket to find an identical black knife as his. It's folded shut, I snap it open - the blade is probably 3 or 4 inches long.

He's screaming "You fucked my girlfriend!!" as he takes a jab at me. I side step it and stab into his sternum, the bone is firm and the blade only goes in half an inch. When I pull it back a small shard of glass remains.

He looks at me shocked and I repeat that we need to talk. He advances and stabs again, I grab the wrist of his hand with the knife and pull it towards and past my left side as I stab into the upper side of his other arm.

This causes him to drop the knife and back away, I pick up his knife. I apologize for his wounds and say again that we need to talk.

'I don't think so' he says as he takes out a long silver scimitar from behind his back. I considered using both of the knives for a sec but would rather have one free hand so I put the second knife in my pocket.

The longer scimitar doesn't feel as threatening to me and based on how he has been fighting I don't think this will end well for him but I don't think he will stop.

I say to him very plainly that if he continues this it will not end well for him. I begin to say how I am going to take him out but stop short at 'I'm gonna-' , I feel like it would sound cocky and insulting and I don't want to egg him on. He looks like he has a slight moment of clarity, like the rage was draining from him. I feel like this might resolve peacefully from here on out.

Such a stressful annoying dream.



Dream 5 - Talking cat

I was walking to the H-town house down the long driving holding an old small cat. She was able to talk, and was fairly sarcastic.


* Probably from a conversation I had recently about how I used to be religious when I was younger.

Notable day substances: No caffeine, Decaf, phosphatidyl choline, 5mg Benedryl 7:30pm
WBTB substances: 6mg Galantamine ~4:00AM

I wanted to have my first lucid this time around since my last break to be without Galantamine, but I'm impatient so I threw it into the mix tonight.



WBTB with Galantamine and WILD

I woke up at 3:45 am after 4 and a half hours of sleep. I read some Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming until I felt like my mind was awake, which took 10 minutes. Then I took 6mg of Galantamine and went back to bed.

I normally try to fall asleep as fast as possible after taking Galantamine because it works pretty fast and it’s difficult to sleep after it starts working. After about half an hour with no luck of going back to sleep on my right side, and attempts of laying very still for WILD - I turn over to my left side to try to WILD there.

Over 10 mins I made less and less movements until I was very comfortable and still. After a while I couldn’t really feel my body and that’s when the transition from waking into sleeping consciously began.

I had no visuals but I felt like I was sitting on a rollercoaster. I could feel when I was traveling up the tracks and the momentum and speed when I was going downward, I could feel myself lifting out of my seat. This went on for a while and was really fun, it felt very realistic. I also started to get some slight visuals of the track which was going around a ski-lift over and over again.


Then the visuals started. A colorful background appeared and there was some nonsense text in the middle that looked AI generated. The text made no sense but when I pretended to ‘read it’ it would transform into a new gibberish text. The text was only ever between 1 to 4 words long. Each time I ‘read’ one of these it felt like I was doing something right and getting deeper into something and the visuals got brighter.*

Now a ‘loading screen’ appeared, it was 16-bit SNES graphics scrolling from right to left of a brick wall. It was very stable and I would pick a piece of grouting and watch it go from one side of my vision to the other - the clarity and detail in lucid dreams always amazes me.

After maybe 10 seconds of this the loading is finished and I’m playing a SNES-style beat em’ up genre game**. It looked like Super Double-Dragon - the very basic track ‘Train Ride’ from this game was playing as well, which I haven’t heard in probably over 10 years.


So now I’m playing this game, the graphics are very bright and vivid - enemies are coming at my character which I’m controlling. But I don’t have a real body, it’s like I’m looking at a screen with blackness all around it and that’s it.

I told myself before going to bed that if I had a lucid I was going to go with whatever the dream was, for stability and practice sake. But I didn’t want the dream to be about playing some SNES game, I at least wanted it to be based in a reality-like setting.

So I test out transforming one of the enemies I’m looking at, which begins to work but the contrast and brightness of the dream begins to dim. I figure I’ve only been in here for less than a minute so I should slow down, so I stop doing that and the contrast and brightness return.

I still don’t want to be having this experience so I close my eyes and now I feel my body in bed. I decide to do a reality check and reach over and plug my nose - I can still breathe just fine! Also I’m seemingly on my back, but I know I’m on my left side in reality. So I decide to try to get out of bed to get out of this gaming situation.

But as I start to move I feel like my left arm is still not totally asleep and that if I move it I will wake up, it feels really heavy compared to the rest of my body. So I close my eyes and enter the video game again, just to see a enemy hit my character and die. The game over screen says ‘YOU FAILED!’ with a big fat purple weasel laughing with a high pitched voice as the dream collapses and I return to feeling my actual body in bed laying on my left side, awake. (5:08am)

I think I just tried too much too fast and needed to let the dream develop more and become more involved. I’ve had plenty of close call WILD’s but normally I get to a point where my body feels like it’s humming with electricity as the visuals begin and the dreams collapse very early. I’ll count this as my first successful WILD! Even though I used Galantamine and ruined it pretty fast.



Dream 2

I’m on the phone with JohnF, a guy I only met very briefly maybe 10 years ago. He’s severely depressed and I’m trying to make him feel better but it wasn’t working. I suddenly had the random thought that he hired a hitman to kill someone. I asked him if he had done something irreversible. He said ‘yeah…’

I don’t know what he actually did but I said he should try to forgive himself and maybe do something that feels like he’s giving back to the world in some way.

I heard super Mario RPG music coming through the phone and asked him if he was playing it. He lit up a bit and said he was, the remastered version. And that he had plans to swap if for another game when he was done.

Then an unknown friend of mine comes by the room I'm in (PA house, bedroom at the end of the hall on the left). He says he got a purple coat and a mustache and he's really excited about it. He doesn't want to show me though because he doesn't know the guy I'm talking to, who is now in the room with me.

JohnF and I both say we wanna see it so he shows us. 'It's not purple at all!' I say upon seeing it, it’s a deep mustard yellow. He says 'oh yeah? Well look at THIS!' He opens it up to reveal a mustache on the hanging loop/tag on the jacket. He takes it off and clips it to his nose, it's a really convincing mustache. We both applaud him.


This dream started out serious and dark and ended feeling funny and relaxed.



Dream 3

I’m deep underground in some sort of mine. To demonstrate how extremely deep a hole is, a man/woman pair toss a raccoon down into it. Immediately it sounds like it hit pipes or something and there are lots of scrambling sounds. The man then throws a basketball down which hits something, and then it's silent.

The woman explains that the raccoon was so relaxed when it fell with its limbs stretched out, that when it made contact with the only pipe exposed it quickly grabbed on. Then the basketball was thrown to hit the raccoon and send it all the way down..

We spoke about something but I forget what. I vomited up a strange pufferfish looking like creature into a nearby basin with water in it, which freaked the lady out and she ran off.

This dream just had all around gross vibes.



Dream 4

A gust of wind blows the front door open slightly, Mogmi makes a run for it! He gets outside and I chase after him. He goes right across the street into the backyard of the neighbors (which is unlike IWL).

A man with a large beard is smoking a cigarette on his phone and there is another guy standing there with him.

Mogmi is hopping up like a dog trying to smell the cigarette. I grab him and apologize, then take him back to the house.



*I suspect this was REM starting, reading these short sentences were making my eyes dart back and forth a lot.

**At this point I became aware of NPT (nocturnal erection), which happens during REM.

Jamie dreams.

most of this was HH. Where I am awake, falling asleep, but briefly fall into a dream segment.
1. It's birds eye view and I'm driving to Sundre, Vision zooms out and Jamie is in her vehicle waiting.
2. Jamie is driving by the street I use to live on and she is kinda missing those times...
Umm okay, so she's stalking me now? I don't know, but maybe try actually talking to me instead of driving by once every a couple of months and stealing glances at me, pretending that I don't notice. You know I once worked at a south wal mart in Lethbridge, where a Manager, who was a total Bi*** use to bully me and give me write ups if I retaliated. which, ultimately led to me quitting. Was she done after I quit? NO, I started working at a Mcdonalds, and a few times while cleaning up the parking lot she would drive right through the parking lot and not park or buy anything. She started showing up at the 711 I use to go to on the north side even though she lived on the south. Even tried to say hi to me, in the lineup. She thankfully stopped after a few months of me not giving her an in.
3. I'm hearing a song I know, It's that annoying 80's song that can get stuck in your head for weeks. "It must have been love." by Roxette (RIP). Jamie is tonelessly singing it and making the lyrics about me. the only line I can articulate is "Touch me now," but she sings it ."Robert now.". Kind of makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. If she were to construct a parody of this song about me, I have an idea for some of the chorus, "It must of been Rob, But he's older now. I said he was good, But I lost him somehow. It must of been Rob, but I'm older now. We didn't even touch, 'Cause the time had run out." and I swear If Jamie doesn't sing this to me with full passion, we aint a thing

Other dreams.

1. I get lost in a house, that has another house secretly inside it. Some guy is leading me through a very specific set of doors. We wind up at this landing with a strange latter. I climb down the ladder and find myself outside around some interesting houses and a highway.
2. Im with a bunch of people in a mall. I'm building minecraft blocks for some reason, even though I never play the game. later we are in a strange cafeteria but the lights aren't on. Me and some people hide in some strange cubicles. and my old friend from mcdonald's (Who I had one confirmed shared dream with) David jumps out and goes "Bah," to scare us, he manages to stay on one foot in a comical almost about to grab you pose. And then darts away. I go to look for him but he is gone...

Apologies for not updating recently, The wifi at home is worse than dial up. Can't even load a webpage to update my dj.

Jamie dream (Almost a month ago?) I was standing outside somewhere with some family and saw my aunt smoking and standing by her Dodge caravan. Now I know she doesn't smoke so i'm really perplexed. I go to confront her on this. Someone calls behind me I look and at the end of the driveway is a woman with long brown hair and eyes light grey like a wolf. She's waving me down but somehow I don't recognize her, but I'm still focused on why my aunt is smoking so, I ignore the woman's "Ooh ooh, over here." and continue talking to my aunt. It wasn't until I woke up I realized it was a visit from Jamie.

Second dream I am furiously writing Jamie a really long Facebook message... Dear God, I sincerely hope I never have to do that again. It's been 5 years?!?!?!? Since I did such a thing and no response indicates that she likely doesn't want one either.

Dreams this week.

1. In this one I go to this park forest area in the middle of a city and hang out with people in the middle of the night. very vague on the rest of the details

2. Some skanky looking younger woman indicates she wants me to sleep with her. I take her number somewhat reluctantly, because i seem to be horny enough. But later in the dream and just message her that I'm no longer interested since I already have a girl coming in. (I think in the dream I was expecting Jamie to come into my life suddenly.

3. I am on a roadtrip in the middle of the night. I'm tired so I find an abandoned hospital looking place to stay the night in. While there a couple pulls up to spend the night as well. It's Victoria and her boyfriend (The victoria I worked with that didn't die from covid )

4. I find myself on a Date with a girl from India. We just get along really nicely. Can't remember much. just that she was leaning against a railing, we got talking and went for a coffee or something.

Seems like most of the dreams were trying to distract me from finding Jami in a dream... hmmm.

Dream 1

I find a shortcut to some sort of ultimate last boss in a WoW like game, Tami is grouped with me.

The shortcut takes us behind the boss where a large treasure chest is. Normally a raid would only gain access to this spot after defeating this boss, who is still alive and in fairly close proximity to the treasure. The boss is some sort of giant undead lich with possessed chains encircling it - it's giving some strong spellcaster vibes and has a purple aura about it.


When I get close to the treasure it gets the attention of the lich, which howls towards us and I get a curse debuff applied to me along with multiple other extremely harmful spells. The ground crumbles and gives way and we fall into the ocean. We die shortly after and respawn in a Stormwind-like city.

I notice I still have one of the curses applied to me. It has a bunch of negative effects but it also reduces all of my spell casting times to instant and removes the global cool down.

To test this out I cast a powerful healing spell that should take 10 seconds to pull off usually. It casts instantly and my character raises his arms to deliver it. I try spamming the ability and since it wasn't meant to be done so quickly he repeats the completion animation over and over and his arms reach into the sky more and more until they're comically stretched about 10 feet into the air.




Dream 2

I'm in the PA house 'suite' area*, when I look out the window through the driveway is from the VI house.

I see a tractor trailer in the driveway, the back is open as a man is taking a large package out. He's heading towards the main doors.

Meanwhile a woman he's working with is holding a clipboard, and is near my door. She's waiting for him to put down the package before she knocks and gets me to sign, but he keeps going back for more large packages.

She calls out to him "How many more packages are we delivering?" He calls back "Nine in total!”. She responds with something along the lines of she wishes they were all for her.

Now the delivery guy is coming in and out of the room I'm in and I attempt to pay little attention to the situation but I'm on high alert. I notice the desk I'm at now has tools all over it like screwdrivers and wrenches and that underneath the desk has many drawers also full of tools.

Something is tugging on the lower right side of my shirt, I look down to see a girl that's maybe six years old or so. She's asking me random kid-like questions.

I look to find her parents and run into the delivery guy, I ask him if she's his child. He says " Oh yeah sorry about that! It's just something work is making us do, bring our kids to work today ya know?"

Behind him is his wife who I didn't see till now, who has their second daughter with her. I 'know' that this isn't her job and she's not normally in this situation. She has a 'very stressed, but making it work' kind of look on her face, her blonde hair is very messy. I feel upset that they're in this situation.


After dropping the girl off with them I want to figure out what's going on with this delivery etc, so I find the woman with the clipboard and ask her if these packages are for me.

She answers saying it's a country wide package lottery event that everyone was drawn into and that I won. She may have mentioned they were appliances.

*I really focused yesterday on the fact that I have so many PA house dreams. So I mentally went through the house when I was awake and reminded myself that if I see any of these places that I am certainly dreaming. Of course this dream was in one of the only places I forgot about, and one of the last changes to the house before I moved from there.

Fragment: I am on the BFI (British Film Institute) website, although it has a different name - three letters beginning with C. The homepage has a background of a wooden house surrounded by grassy fields where the wind is blowing softly. Somewhere on the site I am looking at a listing for a set of second-hand books (this is not something they would sell). The books are about the 'Crown Collection' and the series of 5 costs $8. I think this sounds pretty exciting and show my mum, but she scoffs that that is a stupid purchase. Surely I don't really want those books? I am awed by her scornful attitude.

Notes:

- Now that's the second time I've visited a website in a dream. Perhaps I should reality check when visiting websites. Just ask myself if what I'm looking at should really be on this site and why.
- The books really were priced in dollars, not pounds...
- I think a dream sign might actually be my mum being rude to me.

I didn’t feel all that great yesterday, so I gave myself a break and didn’t sleep with any strong dream recall intentions.



Dream 1

I'm in the PA house*, hall bedroom on the right. I'm laying in the bed and I notice there's all of these dead looking plants hanging in transparent green 3D printed plant pots** on the wall. There's about five of them in a row.


They look like they really need water and they're leaves are all hanging down. The leaves are bowl shaped and they're holding some water in them.

Sunlight begins to hit the wall as the sun rises and it hits the first plant. The leaves respond by slowly lifting up to their full height, causing the water to stream down from the leaves into the soil. I think to myself "So that's why its leaves are shaped like that.. A plant that waters itself!"***

The sun spreads across the wall as it dances through the blinds and various trees from outside. Each plant responds to the sunlight the same.



Dream 2 (probably a continuation from the first dream)

I'm in the PA house, living room. There's music playing from the speakers. There's some sort of family gathering and everyone is doing art, I only remember specifically seeing Katie's face. I'm not too interested in what's going on here.

I go upstairs to the bedroom at the end of the hallway. In here there's also speakers in sync playing the same song which was “Savage Garden - I Want You”****. I turn the volume up to the max and lean my forehead against the system and close my eyes. The bass is rippling through me and it feels like I'm getting a full body massage. It’s so strong I feel like my heart is skipping beats. I say 'woah' but it comes out all choppy from the music.



Dream 3

I'm some sort of superhero and I'm writing a letter to a little girl. I'm trying to break it to her that I'm losing my superpowers.

I draw an image of me flying with a cape, holding a car over my head.


Then I draw an image of me walking, explaining that I can't fly anymore.


There were a few more images and notes that I forget. I finish the letter writing that I'm still working on making the world a better place but now I'll have to do it like normal people.

I say something about how we have the same abilities now and that she can be a superhero too.


* I should focus more that this place is a dream sign.
** The same plant holders I printed a few years ago for fun.
*** Another often dream sign seems to be these ‘aha!’ moments where I’m trying to understand something.
**** This is most likely because I checked out the DV Discord recently and listened to a song Lang shared that made me think ‘This sounds so much like savage garden’

I was playing some airship level in one of the 3d mario games. I jumped across some platforms, and I fell off, I tried to save it with a spin jump, but I couldn't go through the platforms so I started at the beginning again. I accidentally walked off the edge of the large block before the moving platforms and discovered a secret area. I hit some ? blocks an d a couple invisible blocks that didn't give me anything cause they were meant for Luigi. I then somehow changed the camera angle, and there was a hole in the block to crawl into. I was suddenly the one crawling into the hole, which felt like crawling under a chair.

I was sitting on the couch spacing out [COLOR="#008000"]I caught myself and paid enough attention to my surroundings to become lucid. I got up and walked down the hall and tried to remember what to do. I remembered that becoming a giant would get me the most points, but the ceiling was a few feet above my head and I didn't want to get stuck, my father pulled me out of thought by telling me "It's time to go to the house." I followed him, and I remembered that one of my tasks was banishment. He was talking or getting his keys or something, so I decided to banish the screwdriver that was on the counter. I looked away and imagined it gone, it was still there when I looked back. I was going to try again, [/COLOR][COLOR="#EE82EE"]but it was blackening and I could feel my body in my bed more than my dream body. I kept my eyes closed to do a DEILD but my cats somehow noticed I was awake and walked on my face.

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I had a lucid dream. It was fairly vivid.
I was in the middle of a dream when it started to shift and I realized whats up. Then It shifted and now I was infront of my house, late evening. It was getting dark, I looked around asking questions for some reason.
I looked back, the buildings looked a bit different as I expected, I couldnt see clearly.
Anyhow, I tried to manipulate the dream and tested this invisible keyboard, cause I theorized that associations are the best sources to manipulate dreams, but it didnt work, I wanted to make it daytime again I think.
Then I tried to fix my vision, it was like I had no glasses on, so I tried another association, I imagined there is a focuser on the side of my head, and turned it and I almost got a good focus, but then it also stopped working and reverted to glassless focus.
And then I woke up.


So I theorized that associations are the best sources to manipulate dreams. Which partly worked, the first attempt didnt, then the second one kinda did, but then it stopped working.
I'd like to look more into it, come up with new experiments.