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18.07.2013

It's Just an Environmental Awareness Safety Course Right? (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Seems this hypnosis script is working well for me, and the scary thing is, because of its universal use in being able to connect the dots better and recall things better, if I were to actually make a hypnosis script to have better recall, the dream content below would be greater, much greater.

I'm also beginning to notice how easy it to get the dream plot despite of my lack of knowing the content within it. Because I focus on the emotions and as much of the totality of the dream-scape itself, piece by piece, I can find bits of imagery coming in to make the dream a little bit more comprehensible. Of course, it's not perfect, especially since I'm only using a general hypnosis script, but I'm glad either way that I have this memory still ingrained in my unconscious. Since after all, the more the person finds themselves naturally wanting to remember these things and sustaining them even when they have to do something else, it becomes easier to recall.

Anyway,

So I'm inside a house that's almost the exact replica of the one I'm staying currently in waking life. Only that this house within the dream had this sense of a yellow-green atmosphere flowing around me and my perception of reality within the dream. Imagine for a moment of recalling any of your dreams where you found yourself mixing through sepia themed dreams or even yellow-green overlay dreams where it feels as if you're going into the past or even just in a rush because while you're moving quickly, everyone around you and the environment around you feels like it's going a bit slower than you.

But at the same time, you find yourself noticing that you tend to slow down a bit as well in order to be able to socialize with these dream characters, otherwise, things wouldn't make sense if you spoke fast while they couldn't right? Now, I'm going through that same motion, and everything is coming by naturally, and I haven't even gained sentience or the type of awareness to see that I'm dreaming, however, due to the circumstances within the dream, I probably did, but just wanted to see the plot unfold.

But now is not the time for me or you reading this to worry about that, and as I go through embracing the dreaming environment a bit more, I started to get myself solidified into the dreaming experience. I begin to notice there were a few dream characters already engaging themselves with each other. Eventually, I found myself slipping into the conversation somehow as I'm sitting next to a dark-skinned female that resembles someone in waking life.

It's as if she never knew what I was doing beforehand, standing around the environment feeling as if I was just lost in the moment of the dream, lost within the confines of my mind as I'm twisting and turning the dream time and dream setting without even realizing it. The more I engaged myself with these dream characters, the more the yellow-green atmosphere, or the overlay surrounding this dream setting disappears.

I noticed how I continued to blend in with the dream characters, mixing around in seeing things in third and first person. The female beside me is wearing a white blouse along with white short pants. The contrast between her dark skin and the white clothes, combined with the slightly saturated sepia tone within the dream makes it hard to see if this is some simulated dream with implications of a past moment or something, or even a glimpse into a probable event in the future.

Suddenly, my confusion for this dream being random or probable pre-cog, was eliminated the moment I heard this female asked me a question about what I'll be doing after summer is over. I knew her response related to some things I'm actually doing over the summer, and then she stops herself abruptly and remembers her logic doesn't make sense. And the experience was weird in itself, it felt as if I knew she would come to that realization, and all I needed to do was just wait and see her do it.

It's as if that despite of my uncertainty in this dream, it felt as if there were unconscious processes becoming apparent to me. Such as what people might say, how things will end up, how the dream will turn out, and such.

I wondered because of this awareness of the unconscious formulating the plot of this dream were my sparks of being lucid, but just going back with the dream since the lucidity didn't really matter. I'm not sure if because I was aware of these unconscious processes, that I naturally find myself not caring much about lucidity altogether, seeing how I would obviously do something completely different if that were the case.

The moments within this dream, the pacing, started having its ups and downs to the point where I couldn't follow what else these people were saying, and it feels as if there would be a dream shift because of it. Before the dream shifts, I recalled that the same female, this woman in her 50s most likely just like in waking life, told me about some type of Environmental Awareness Safety Course that I could take.

Find that pretty ironic as I spent most of this dreaming entry describing the dream environment.

The moment she stated this, her existence is hard to follow because I realized I shifted from being inside of a house to being outside with maybe 2 people with me. It felt as if this same lady was replaced with a younger dream character, and I began to notice how I was looking at a certain person within the dream while she's talking to me.

You know how you're discussing things with people, and you tend to avert your eyes a bit from time to time to look around in space and the environment? It was just like that, except that this dream character himself had something that was odd or familiar about him for me to make a longer gaze at him.

It wasn't anything concerning, I was probably just bored of the content the dream character female to the right of me was saying, and probably was just staring at space when a dream character just happened to be within that spectrum of vision. The man notices I'm looking at him as well, and this gives us an awkward moment where we go back to the people we're discussing things with and pretending nothing happened. I can't really recall the next conversation, so I'll talk about the dream shift to where things get even more random and a bit more hectic.

You may notice how the pacing of this dream, or at least these dreams that I felt connected with each other, really doesn't add up, but still somehow makes sense. It's as if that despite of being able to recall of this, we have a predisposition to connect the dots together, even if the endeavor itself would just be apophenia.

However, even with these patches of recall, I'm sure if I gave this recall more thought rather than putting it off, I may have found an underlying meaning behind this, just like finding a needle in a haystack of information that feels less significant.

You may also begin to notice how my dream self went from this passive and naive boy to some calculated and psychopath closet serial killer. It won't make sense initially, but there's no need to worry about that now until you begin to notice when I start to change completely within this dream.

Now, I find myself inside of a tunnel, a very spacious tunnel. The sounds bouncing from the walls with ease as I hear the vibrations and humming, I begin to notice that there may have been some vehicles around here if I looked beyond that's right to the curve blocking my view of what's ahead.

Suddenly, I find myself being cognizant of a dream character to my left, and she's another dark-skinned female, and I had a feeling she was this same female talking to me before the dream shift. Something felt so weird being around her, and I kept paying more attention to her to wonder why I would be in this tunnel with this female.

Because of my uncertainty, I had to just let things happen naturally and just become aware of the unconscious feelings and emotions so that I would be able to connect the dots and have better neurological changes to hopefully get the underlying meaning of this dream. This female, despite of her facade not having contrast to this dream, her vibe, her energy, the way she expressed herself even when she was dormant for a good bit before I got myself back into the pacing of the dream was comforting.

I felt safe around her, but also had these feelings that she has bigger plans ahead for us within this tunnel. She's wearing a swamp-green jacket with a few highlights that quickly made me assume it was probably raining when we were going into this road tunnel.

Her black hair has a small shine, but not enough to really provide contrast within this dream environment, which was saturated in a brown and nearly sepia tone overlay. While the overlay itself made the environment bland, insignificant, boring to gaze at, there was a sense of realism as I found the air around me literally going in and out through my eyes and body.

My breathing, the pacing was perfectly fine, I felt as if I had unlimited energy and would never be tired, and all that would make it seem any different from that would simply be psychosomatic occurrences (And by that, just like how initially when we first recall our lucid dreams, we may found ourselves getting excited mentally, and because of that, the body will generally follow, which would generally make us have a harder time staying in touch with the dream).

Because I began to notice myself being dissociated from the double-edge sword that psychosomatic reactions can give us in our dreams, I felt more at ease for whatever plot would come in this dream. I literally had this unconscious implication that it's simply a dream, a simulation, but knowing whether or or if I'm aware of the dream simply didn't matter. Because like before, you'll remember how that if I were lucid, things would end up differently (i.e. me changing the dream environment).

Finally, the pacing of the dream picks up a bit more, I started to feel the rush, the excitement, the slight thrill of wondering what will come next. And with this assurance of security I had with this female beside me, despite of her being this randomly generated thought-form/dream character, I'm finally getting into the groove of this dream.

I found myself realizing what I'm wearing, a black long jacket that stretches all the way down to my ankles along with a dark gray shirt and black dress pants. It felt weird that while this female had her jacket saturated with water, my outfit was completely dry and perfect. I guess having my jacket wet would feel uncomfortable seeing how I would begin to notice the weight of the soaked jacket.

Now, the female and I find ourselves encountering a police officer, and during this moment, there was this feeling of fear, the type of fear that foreshadowed there would be bad things to come. But because of how this female to the left of me sweet talks her way with this police office, I decided to mute the conversation altogether.

Now, you may begin to notice why I wanted to mute the conversation, because I knew that the more she would sweet-talk her way with the police officer, how she expresses herself wouldn't matter, because you'll find out quickly that the dream character's fate would be sealed either way. I merely avert my eyes to some other direction, while still keeping my peripheral vision in synch with the female's swamp-green jacket. Somehow, just somehow, she finds a way to kill him silently.

Instantly, I turn around a bit to have better inward focus on what she's holding, a silenced pistol. The moment I saw this pistol, and how my outfit and her outfit felt a bit peculiar, there was some kind of ambition that would involve some kind of retaliation. I started connecting the dots a lot better from that, and just let whatever happen, happen.

It as if I was shifting through being a spectator of the dream and shifting myself into the dream in third person or first person. My sense of identity was more expansive, and it felt like I was watching 1080p Blue-ray film or something while still shifting back and forth from spectator to a participant in the dream.

Because I have a better presumption of who this female is, a sweet talker that knows how to kill and fortunately doesn't seem she'll try and switch sides and do the same for me, I had a feeling of what she would do next, hide the body. She opens a door to the left of us, and I follow along with her, and I noticed I still have some fear for her.

But with the security she easily expressed to me that she wouldn't shift her positive views of me, it was more of me having conflicting moments of a sense of security with fear slipping in despite of knowing things would be perfectly fine with her. Because the sense of security beings to express itself more to me, the more I wondered the point of me being with her. That would find myself realizing I would be safe around her made me wonder if I'm just the same as her, except I'm just letting her do things her way.

Or maybe I was really commanding her to do something unconsciously while at the same time, I still thought I was just some guy who happened to have an expert killer that happens to be nice to me. So as she places the body in a decent position, I realized there's another door to me on my right. While she's busy standing around there, I take a small peek of what's beyond.

You know how when it's raining, and you see the lights' horizon on the vehicle front being more apparent, and how with the slight drizzling of water that goes all over the place distorts that light, but in subtle ways? It was just like that, and because of that, I started to question the situation we're in now, because those same lights were police officer lights.

Even though I only glanced quickly to see what's out there, I had a presumption there would be at least 10-20 cops, maybe more seeing how that was just looking at one part of the tunnel before the curve to the right blocked my vision of the rest of the path. I was surprised that despite of these cops aiming their automatic weapons at us, that they didn't even realize I closed the door. I looked at the female and gave her a gesture that we need to go now.

Like NOW.

She instantly gets the idea, and as I'm following her by going back out from the door we cam in, abstract dream logic starts kicking in again.

Immediately, I heard a click.

This is not a good click.

After this concerning click, I can hear the sound of the hands moving around the object slowly, and I quickly realized we're at gunpoint. All at once, everything felt like it was just going to end here, when everything felt so right and calculated, only to be contradicted with a dream character that just happened to show up so quickly.

It almost felt as if my female companion in this dream didn't take out all two individuals in this dream, and if I were to actually pay attention to who she was talking to rather than muting out the conversation and realizing someone was with her, we wouldn't be in this position at gunpoint.

However, my female companion seems to defy the contradicting logic of the dream character showing up by bravely moving away from him, despite of our backs facing him. I looked at her and wondered how she could risk her life like this, how could someone just go around throwing their lives away like that and keep moving?

But now wasn't the time for me to revel in that thought, I felt her character, her courageous demeanor, I wanted to follow along with that. I slowly walked and followed her side by side as well, while having 360 vision of seeing the guy still aiming the gun at us.

Why isn't he shooting us? Why, despite of what the female did to the other guy by killing him, he doesn't shoot us? It felt inconsistent, and I wondered if the female companion truly instilled fear into the police officer that he couldn't shoot, or maybe he was just afraid to pull the trigger altogether for other reasons.

While I'm sustaining 360 vision a bit longer, it feels the officer is putting his gun down, and me and the random female companion gracefully exit out of the tunnel. Now that we're outside, while still sustaining the 360 vision, I begin to notice the air is much different than inside the tunnel. Things aren't so concentrated as much with the sound waves, and everything feels spacious again. We're now in a section of a road, and we're near the side railing, just like what you would see if you were driving in high altitude.

While we're walking, I'm still trying to string together what in world just happened with this experience with the police officer. I immediately find myself being addicted to this female's presence, so I quickly ran up to her and quickly conformed to her pace of walking. She doesn't really look at me much, keeping her head in profile view to me, and she starts explaining what happened.

Apparently, she stated how she switched guns with the cop somehow, which means that if the cop is holding the gun without gloves, he would be caught in a situation where if the cops that we encountered before closing the door again finds out the bullet of the dead cop came from that same gun, the cop would be in a predicament of explaining what happened.

While she's telling me this, it's still hard to comprehend how she switched the gun somehow, and why the cop didn't want to shoot us. It felt as if while she was trying to make a cohesive statement, she ended up failing, or maybe I failed to acknowledge the other bits she was declaring to me. And even though I was confused, I still found myself somehow trying to connect the dots again by what she stated and actually congratulated her for pulling it off.

Okay, why am I congratulating her on killing someone? I know that she had to do it to avoid any kind of problems with them, but still, it felt almost disgusting for me to state that to her. My own mentioning of acknowledging her ability to get us out of the situation ruined the value of the plot of this dream. Just what in the world was going on and why am I suddenly finding solace in what she did just now?

Of course, this didn't really make itself apparent that much, seeing how I still had some fear with this woman. She was an enigma, while I was sure that I could basically do anything to her (sexual thoughts started coming in for some reason), I still wanted to do it in a subtle manner because I don't know what her breaking point is. This started to become sick, but before the dream ended, it was as if all the thrill and fear turned me on because of how she expressed herself.

So I guess after that, we had sex, I can't recall what happened after, just the two of us walking down the road.

But I'm sure with my attitude around her, we were bound to have sex.

Lol.

07-20-2013 -- I'm on a college campus, taking a class. The instructor is assigning classwork and homework, and we're working on it. The overall class seems to be some sort of art class, but it spans a wide variety of artistic forms. The biggest thing is that, at the end of the semester, we are going to New York, where we will be making a red, white and blue balloon dress for the Statue of Liberty for some sort of patriotic celebration. I think during the course of the dream I attend three classes, but all three sort of flow together.

During the first class, several students show up for the class who just don't seem to be very into it, not paying much attention, showing little interest, and leaving early. The classwork is some very interesting reading and questions, and I am really into it and find that I am able to do an excellent job with them, and earn compliments for them. Unfortunately, before the class is over, I am called away to home for a few minutes to do something for my mom. Thankfully it doesn't take long, and I am soon back for the rest of the class. As it ends, I am trying to find all my papers and assignments, and hoping I don't get called away again, as it seems sort of unprofessional.

During the next class, some of the students are talking about others that were here for the previous class, but aren't here today, and they are the same ones who didn't really seem to be into things. One student is telling of one of them who supposedly left because he had to tutor another student in another subject, but the person telling the story insists the supposed tutor doesn't know the subject well enough to tutor a first grader and teach them anything. There is also some discussion about a somewhat cute brunette, probably about 16 or 17, that was here the last time, but isn't here now, but then she shows up with the gray haired professor (who looks kind of like a non-cartoon version of Lisa Simpson's band teacher), arguing almost violently with him about her being late, and her not having the assigned homework done. She seems to be demanding to know why he can't cut her some slack, and he finally loses it and almost screams at her "Because I'm the ogre ... erm ... teacher, that's why!" Then he tells her that she is well on her way to becoming an ogre, and we all start to chuckle. Then he puts her in charge of the whole class while he goes and runs some short errands, and we're suddenly no longer laughing!

The first part of the class is taking place in an almost bowl-shaped seating area just outside of the building the class officially takes place in, and we start by turning in the homework, which is one of those sort of adult coloring sheets, perhaps 11x17 or 12x18, with a black-lined image that one is supposed to color using fine markers or colored pencils. It is a picture of perhaps five generic super heroes in poses outside a building. Our assignment was to color it in, developing the heroes or the building or the scene ... whatever we were interested in. I concentrated on the heroes, designing their costumes and hinting at their powers, as many did, but some worked on the scene or the building. One didn't seem to have much time, and just took two colors and did what he wanted throughout with those colors, and left the rest in black and white.

The professor is handing out the classwork, and it doesn't seem to be nearly as in-depth or involved as the last time, but instead seems to be mostly ads for Universal Studios. Joking, I raise my hand and ask if this is a hint about our next field trip. He says actually they are trying to arrange a visit, but for now we are to compare and contrast the different ads and decide which ones work better, and why. Soon we move into the lecture hall and continue the class.

The teacher seems kind of disappointed with us as a class, because out of the entire class, only me and one other voted to do some extra prep work for this New York visit, and he worries we aren't taking the honor of being the ones tasked with making this massive balloon dress seriously enough.

One of the students in the class is another professor who is taking the course. She is a fairly attractive red head, perhaps about thirty five, with a reasonably nice figure. She is wearing a sort of orangish dress that comes down to just below her knees, kind of muted and professional, but she is doing some minor dance steps that hike it up two or three inches above the knee, before saying oops, she shouldn't show her legs like that or "..." (a student whose name I can't remember) will overheat himself. I don't quite follow the transition, but within minutes, this red headed professor is on her belly on the ground, showing off one of her favorite exercises, which somehow has her undulating like an earthworm. The thing about this is that it has her dress riding up her body and pooling around her waist, showing every inch of her luscious stocking-clad legs. Worse, something about the movements also causes her panties to not hold, and they go falling down her legs, flashing the entire class. Pleasantly shocked, one of the male students turns to glance at me and says "Did I just see ..." "Yes ... yes you did," I reply, while the ladies in the class are horrified, and all the men are trying to find a better viewing position.

Thankfully (or not), we're just about done for the day, so we start gathering up our things as the professor/student straightens out her clothes. She leaves, and goes to her office to gather the rest of her things, done with all classes for the day, and a few of us run into her again, near the parking lot. She still is going on about how much she loves that exercise, and ends up lying in the grass demonstrating it again to the great pleasure of some of us. This time the girls act, however, and are trying to pull her panties back up as she undulates. I'm just grinning as this already reasonably attractive professor becomes more and more so. For the first time in quite a while, I find I'm growing hot for teacher!

Soon the third class rolls around, and we are all back together again, though I am struggling to find my papers and supplies, which for some reason seem to be scattered all over the classroom. I find myself having to go through several stacks of other people's works to find the scattered remains of my own. But I don't really care, as very shortly the red head is doing her exercises again. Somebody comments on her form or something, and she shifts to look at them in such a way that has her plainly visible twat undulating inches from my face, and I can't help but think she has to know what she is showing, and to be doing so like this, she must be desperate for some attention. I might just have to give her some. Meanwhile, the young brunette student is getting tired of this, and seems to decide that she wants some attention, too. She suddenly starts talking about how she likes doing handstands ... while wearing a loose top that gathers around her neck, showing off her small (but still growing) breasts. Unfortunately, she doesn't have anything interesting enough to distract from the red head's salient point. You know, it is really too bad that I awoke at that point!

---

Earlier in the night had a long, involved dream, but of the kind that you can't remember many of the details. I know it involved a lot of super heroes or vampires or that sort of 'ultra-human' beings running around, but soon it kind of switched to less ... talented people, but just tough guys and gals. Not quite wrestler sorts, but tough fighters. One guy tries to grab me by the neck and flip me over his shoulder, but I see him coming and grab him at the same time, so we both flip each other, but as we lay on the ground, I am the one that recovers first, which kind of tells them to be a little wary of messing with me. After a while, when they are trying to determine a sort of ranking, they pair me with a kind of short guy. Not a midget, but like five feet tall or so. Very broad and muscular, though. We grapple for a few moments, and I throw him to the ground on his back kind of gently, so there is less chance of hurting him, but again showing I am not somebody to mess with. Two other small bits involve me somehow coming in with what I, and everybody else in the dream would swear is a jaguar kit, but it truly is as small as a kitten. Also, a lady who was a bit of a tough fighter, earlier in the dream, is now back, but cares nothing for fighting, but is only worried about finding her dogs, before they get lost or hurt. Strange stuff.

On August 5, 2012, 7:12 a.m. I recorded a dream that made no sense. There were 2 shirts that had dates on them: July 25, and another date that I forgot. 2 days ago I had a dream of me and a friend (Akundo) and he was sad and needed cheering up, so I gave him a big hug I woke up, called his sister, and she ended up telling me that his birthday was in a couple of days (July 25) I kind of freaked out and couldn't tell whether or not his birthday had anything to do with the dream that I had a year ago that made no sense. I met Akundo in February 2013. Coincidence or not? I need interpreting...

OK first a bit of explanation about my Dream scene back in 2003 I would go to school the same route over and over again. That is the same route everyday since 1998 so this route is pretty much implemented into my memory.

So now to my dream... Without realization that I was walking to school like I did 8 years ago I was hopping, these hops felt almost weightless. I would jump further and every time I hopped. I turned around in my dream and hopped a girl then the whole street. This is when I realized I was in a Dream and ultimately became Lucid.

I was hopping over houses and floating. I had the same feeling I get from my fear of heights and I could feel the cold of the wind. See the rooftops in incredible detail, I learned to control the Hopping and take of like superman does with a really light hop. The dream people where acting all amazed and phoning people. I then fell into a skip behind my local shop and woke up in a raring sweat.

Well That was my first LD experience.

7/20/13

WILD + DEILD (nap)

I was in a break from sleep and I felt that I was close to SP. I tried to clear my mind for like 20 seconds and then imagined the sliding sensations. I soon felt my body sliding horizontally along the bed. I slid off and was laying on my back on the pile of stuff next to my bed.

I opened my eyes and was in my room. I decided to try and create a new scene. I didn't want to close my eyes so I tried to imagine a scene and didn't pay attention to what I was actually seeing. I thought it would be cool to pilot a helicopter so I visualized a cockpit. I start to see a small tv set with 4 player split screen on it was a heli pilot game (1st person view). It is getting closer and closer and I am trying to eventually enter the game. I start to control the bottom right screen but I can never actually pull it out of the game.

DEILD

I decide to not go on the game route. I imagine standing next to a helicopter and a scene develops where a bunch of pilots are listening to a briefing before a mission. There is a big map and the head military guy is talking about the plan. The map isn't of anything I recognize. He mentions one area and suddenly speaks in french. He says we don't have a word for that place in English and its going to be intense. I lose the dream before the mission starts.

I was at some snowy place, like a base of some kind. I had to fight some enemies, and then i was talking with someone about bloody lab coat that we have found and then there was some professor dude that was distracting us, and a helicopter.

Me and 2 of my close friends was travelling in France. Me and one of them stopped near historical place and 3rd of us went to do something. It was interesting that words in there were Persian. When he came back we continue our path. I saw 2 of my uncles in a car that were looking us. My friend hug me after that. We cross the street and in another part we were speaking about freedom.

Only 1 Dream that I could remember after going back to bed.
DREAM 1: (non-lucid)
Detail: Above Average
Length: Fairly Long
The dream started with me reading a magazine about this new kind of ea life arcade game which had started, and reading about the different characters and kinds of stuff. There were all different kinds of demons and they were in a sort of hierarchy based on power and skill. The dream blacked out then I was at the place where the game was, and my dad and brother left me saying that they would be back soon. I walked inside the room and it was really dark with a green carpet flooring. All of these people from my school were there (school is my biggest dream sign so I should have known ), and they were putting on packs of the sort people wear in lazer tag. I started putting one on, then a guy who was vaguely familiar from school helped me put it on. He then told me about the rules and stuff, before another guy came along. He was in a custom uniform kind of thing and I could tell he was at a very high rank in this game. He sat down and gave me some advice on how to play the game, and then he left to warm up or something. Then the guy who was running the place walked in, we all stood up in a line and the game commenced.
The actual game was confusing. There were basketball rings on either end of the room, and there were a a fair few really little, squishy basketballs around the room. The aim was to get the ball in the ring, and to try and help yourself and other people get streaks so their score multiplied and stuff. I can't remember whether there were different teams or not, but I don't think there were. Anyway I was going pretty badly (I am quite tall and fairly good at basketball in waking life), and I missed some very easy shots. I didn't get too much of the ball as the experienced guy who talked to me before was dominating everyone and got about 90% of the shots. Eventually the time ran out and I was on a very low score, unfortunately, I think only about 2 people were below me. While I was taking my gear off My dad and brother came back into the room, and I remember kind of arguing with them a bit. Then I left and I woke up.

For some reason I decide to take drugs, something like ecstasy. Then there is a bit of the dream highly disoriented, just bits of visual and my laughing. then it seems like the next day when I awaken I realize something is wrong in my mouth, so I go into the bathroom to look in the mirror. I see that a word has been carved all the way through my front teeth, the words "rock and roll" ground deep but not all the way through my bottom right front side of my teeth, the words "quantum power" carved very lightly into the inside bottom left side of my teeth, and other words on my teeth that I can't quite understand, but worst of all is the tattoo on the inside of my bottom lip it's big and long in black and white very noticeable almost shows when my mouth is shut, it says something mortifying (I don't want to tell it to anyone so I won't write it here). I flip out and ask my friend who the hell did this to my mouth?! she tells me that when I was on drugs I forced some guy to do it, so I go find the guy and yell at him for doing this to my mouth but he yells back that I forced him to do it to my mouth when I was high. I tell him that since the lip tattoo is white with black out lining that he needs to cover it up with red and black, he agrees and I tell him no words, just make it looks like a wound with blood so he does and I get only a little relief for now my teeth have holes and damage that I can't hide.

L.K means the K-th dream on the L-th day of good recall.

7.1

I go to the bookstore/cafe area at my school. There's a card table set up as a desk in the ambient space to the left of the enterance. On the card table/desk thingy is a tablecloth with some writing on it that says "bias-free line." There is a huge line of students lined up here. They seem to be paying for their items at the desk instead of at the "usual spot," which, in my dream, happens to be a mirrored image of where it usually is: normally on the left-hand side, it's now on the right as you enter. I see Friend EH in the line. I ask what's going on. He tells me that this line is for people who want to buy items without being discriminated against or neglected my the workers.

But the other line, the line for "biased service" is only a few people long. I decide to take my chances. The "bias-free" line is like 50 people long. I pick out some Mini M&Ms, and at the last minute I grab a pack of Sour Skittles. I am about to pay, but the lady who's standing there, ready to assist people in the "biased service" line, goes away as I walk up to the cash register. Seriously, lady?

My annoying neighbors, in real life, start playing some loud, repetitive, bass-heavy music.
I wake up.

I had done RWI before going to sleep, but due to the annoying neighbors playing awful music at 9am,
I forgot the rest of the dreams I'd had.

I may have even been lucid. Who knows...?

Saturday 7/20/13

last night bed at 5:20 am - 11 am
Watched a Breaking Bad marathon from 12midnight - 5:20am

B6 50mgs around 1pm.

DR: I'm walking around town square. Looking at booths and stores. Checking out postcards. I'm in european country, but not sure if it's part of EU, so I ask if they take Euros. I have a feeling I'm in Serbia. Postcards have a lots of very nice, church like buildings on them and I'm thinking, that I don't remember this country having such historic buildings.

I'm talking to two sales people. Later outside, I point them out to someone - one salesperson has a purple, the other one blue top on.

I'm inside of a building. I'm either escaping, or plotting a break in. I'm going through walls, on the roof and watching some FBI people inside and I know I don't want them to see me. Outside I'm flying around.

I'm still in the area. Talking to Jesse from Breaking Bad. We are deciding what to do, so we look at the movie schedule. I say I would like to see some movie I know from waking life.

Lol, watching "Salt" and she is running bare foot. I just remembered, that I ran barefoot in my dream last night. And I was kinda worried if I will hurt my feet. But I wanted to experience how it feels so I started to walk and run and run faster. It was a new sensation. Cool.

Side note 1 was initially a Waking Life entry but I decided to share it with you because I feel stuck and maybe someone can post something useful
The feeling that I'm in some kind of winding tunnel has become stronger. I can almost "see" the limits of my attention. Also on days that I don't exercise I'm in a bad mood going from irritable to depressed.
I feel that something is changing in my values,in the way I see the world ( the Germans have a word for this: Weltanschauung/ world view) but not every change is for the better. I attribute this to meditation, but I'm not sure. I have no proof of this, it's just intuition (or wishful thinking)
There's a strong gap between how I perceive myself and how the others see me: It seems to them that my behaviour and my way of thinking improved substantially(I don't feel like a genious and I wasn't dumb before so how exactly am I better) but inside I feel like I'm just a massive thing that's simultaneously alive&inanimate object and that what I once considered 'me' is a lot smalle&less alive than I used to think. The nickname Arrakis never seemed more appropriate than now.
I am pouring specific thoughts on this forum because I am under the impression that they are really important to my LD/WL.
Ironically it is still very clear to me that part of me dreams and part of me is awake at the same time and that there is only one realm, like I am some kind of planet where things happen all the time, and that there is night and day, all part of the same process. No real use treating them separately.
However, I probably need to look closer at this belief/observation and I know I will have to rephrase it over and over until I resolve this tension between the perceived inner unity and the intense feeling of being partially dead/automaton. How can one feel dead? That's another paradoxical/bad phrasing. I think what I mean is I observe myself doing things but I am only aware of doing them not deciding them and I also notice that they are not context sensitive most of the time. It's like being in a straight jacket and that straight jacket is you, is part of who you are.
Why do I need LDs when I don't even know in what pocket my keys are?
Do you know where your keys are?

I haven't written anything since I joined this forum. I have had several LDs but I only remember how I gained lucidity in one of them: I was in a stressful situation ( that is too often the case ) and instead of becoming even more tense I thought to myself : That cannot happen in RL, so I must be dreaming! And All of a sudden I understood that I was dreaming and felt relieved and changed the scenery so to speak .
I seem to be "dragged under water" for long periods of time, I forgot that I wanted to write my dreams and keep a DJ and so on. It's like sometimes I have this tunnel vision in my life when I can only focus on one or two important things and I completely forget about other things.
I still meditate, not as much as I would like even though I find it subjectively beneficial.
I was in Barcelona and I jogged up to 15 km a day. It feels like a dream now.
I've noticed that when I'm on duty at the hospital and some emergency wakes me up in the night this really ruins my sleep, not just for that night but sometimes for longer. I wish I were more adaptable or that people were healthier. That would work too.
I'm trying to connect math, physics, medicine, meditation, LD, martial arts training, jogging, healthy eating, nutritional supplements into one. I feel strained instead of stronger.
Anyway this was a good English exercise.

So I finally got lucid a bit, now it's not interesting or anything but I feel like writing it down here will help me get my lucid frequency back to normal.

Lucidity: 6/10
Control: 5/10
Vivacity: 6/10

It's the first day in school, and I'm late. I get ridiculously anxious and so in some ridiculously great trouble.
I get lucid somewhere around here. I get a class and mess around with people and break things. I touch some boobies.
The teacher, horrified, threatens to get me expelled. I answer him with a middle finger and frontflip my way out the window.
I walk away laughing my ass of when a phone rings. I bring it to my ear and my mom tells me that I'm not dreaming, and that I f*cked up all my chances to be admitted in any other school or college. It makes me loose my lucidity, and soon after the dream continues on with a total mess, and even if at one point I realized I was dreaming, I just played dumb and chose to loose my lucidity. So I did.

I get a pet raccoon. My cat doesn't agree with it, of course, so I have to keep them separated. The raccoon is really cute, and at one point I have it on its back, and it's acting really sleepy as my friend and I rub its belly.

At one point I'm with this person who is going to role play with me or something like that, but for some reason RPing requires my parents to drive us somewhere, but they can't drive us there yet, but they can in about an hour, so they drop us off at this frozen yogurt place until then. The girl I'm with seems like she doesn't really want to be here, and it's like she's only half-trying to pretend that she does, but it's obvious, but she still won't admit that she doesn't want to be there. A friend of hers happens to be there and so they start talking and I just leave and say that I'll get something at the store next to ours and be back later. I go to that store, but don't find anything I want, and come back in a bit.

Later, I'm talking with a bunch of people on video chat. Apparently you have to hang a wire from the ceiling with some sort of box at the end to be able to use video chat, and apparently it's very expensive unless you're in a hotel. I'm with a RP group again, and we're talking about RPs and who we've RPed with, and some guy is talking about a girl she RPed with, and he says, "It's [the RP] out there somewhere, in some dusty [dirty?) motel room."

At one point I'm awkwardly LARPing with someone, and for some reason I'm RPing an OC and they're RPing Gru from Despicable Me.

At one point I try the white chocolate pocky that I bought the other day in real life to find that it was actually lifesaver mint-flavored, and it tasted pretty gross. If I recall correctly, I eat it while walking across some one-person-wide bridge, it might have been a rope bridge or it might have been solid and flat.

There was another part where a few (or maybe as little as one, I can't remember) friends and I had to coat the entire inside of an empty building with gold plating (maybe not the ceiling, can't remember), and I laid the plating down with a single click, like in Minecraft. Also like in Minecraft, I could see the amount of plating I had as a single thumbnail with the number of pieces left next to it. I didn't have nearly enough plating for the entire building though, not even one floor, so I was pretty worried.