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Night of January 4, 2014. Saturday.



The setting is solely the porch of an older brother’s house in La Crosse (half-brother on mother’s side, Earl) on St. Cloud Street. I have hardly ever dreamt of this particular location, though, even though I had been there quite often. In fact, it took a moment to realize that it was not a composite. The people on the porch include me, a different brother than above (half-brother on mother’s side, Dennis), an unknown relative (but possibly either brother-in-law Verdell or aforementioned brother Earl), and eventually a younger unknown male. There are also people (police or security guards) outside about half a block away at one point, in the last part of my dream.

It is late at night, possibly just before midnight. I hardly ever have dreams about any kind of drug use (especially personal) but this one features some sort of plant that is smoked. From what I have heard/read, I have opposite experiences than others under such conditions and smoking this plant actually makes my dream more and more vivid (and realistic) and stable. I am not one hundred percent sure, but the plant seems to be called “Havarti” (or similar), which is actually a kind of cheese (yet also vaguely similar to my wife’s maiden name). Still, it is not rare for me to have bizarre forms of word misuse in my dreams, as I once dreamt that a “Jacuzzi” (hot tub trademark) was a type of human-like (and somewhat vampiric) monster. I suspect that it may be a corruption of “Havana”, a type of cigar, possibly with an Australian accent corrupting it to “Havaner”.

The unknown male mentions something to Dennis about what he is doing and Dennis seems very annoyed, saying, “There are plants to smoke besides marijuana!“ I actually attempt to smoke a cigarette of the particular plant on my own. What follows is intriguing. After a time, I blow out a cloud of fire and black smoke. Each primarily conical cloud of very thick black smoke is about two feet long and stays in the air in a near-solid but somewhat morphing impression with a narrow "band” of fire directly underneath, but sometimes more around, almost like a piece of rainbow “stuck” horizontally on the underside of the cloud at times. It sometimes vaguely reminds me somewhat of candy corn in afterthought, or perhaps fire agate, and is quite beautiful, each thick “cloud” hovering for a few minutes before dissipating. However, the point/narrower end is opposite to where I am exhaling from and circularly larger near my face, which seems wrong and reverse to what it would be otherwise (similar to if a bullhorn had the larger end towards you).

Each exhale event (which is almost like vomiting but without the unpleasant sensations), which produces the same sort of black cloud and underside-to-circular fire-banding each time, causes a very intense side-to-side vibration in my body and a strange pressure in my head (though the light and thin stream of fire does not burn coming out). (A couple of the clouds do look a bit more like floating holograms of fire agate - even with the "bubbly” surface and eventual morphing shapes.) It is almost like an actual shaking in the environment but restricted to the perception within my body only - I say this because no one else seems to notice any shaking of the porch’s floor or walls. Over time, I seem to smoke about three of these cigarettes with about four or five exhales of each, becoming more stabilized and aware within my dream each time, yet somehow still not being lucid (it is likely too vivid to be seen as a dream, eventually - it is finally easily as real as real life in perceptual terms and body awareness). I am not quite sure what to think but get a slight impression that my body is in a very “high” state of well-being regarding waves of energy moving to their most extreme distances through all tissues and outer muscular surfaces - even all of the integumentary system - very oddly, it also seems my lung capacity is three or four times what it is in real life, which is quite exhilarating when I breathe. I am not even sure why I am doing this. There was a recent dream where a seemingly homeless or poor person was trying to sell me fire agates and a few other types.

Eventually, a young male comes onto the porch. He may be as young as twelve, yet seems to be running from security guards from a business on that street, east of where we are, or perhaps police. He wants to smoke what we are smoking. When he inhales on a full new cigarette, the entire outer surface (except nearest his fingers) becomes suddenly bright red and sizzling with sparking embers - and my brother tells him to take it slowly - but the one entire cigarette had already been used up with that one act of inhaling. There is some talk about why the authorities are after him but it is not quite clear - it may have something to do with being on business grounds after hours or trying to steal something. I eventually relax more and “fade out” from my extraordinarily vivid dream. I am not a smoker (of anything) in real life.

---

Night of January 4, 2014. Saturday.



This dream, unknown to me at the time, related directly to my wife Zsuzsanna’s dream and memories, as well as an old photograph negative she had been looking at without telling me.

---

I am passive, tolerant, and patient in this dream. (I am not lucid, but it is rather vivid.) I vaguely remember thinking of manifesting a potential scene of romance and love-making, though I do not initiate it. My surroundings seem “wrong” somehow, as if I had come to be in the middle of some sort of fiasco created by a religious person. I am in a public hall at a small gathering of perhaps twenty people or more. It seems to be a group of people in an informal (bucolic) prayer meeting, perhaps in the late 1800s at first, but is more likely in the 1970s. The partially gray-haired preacher is directly to my right and reading from a personal book of sermons (not the Bible) and others are following along and repeating some of his words and phrases. There is no singing. I am seated in the front row and there are three rows of plastic chairs (not pews) I am aware of, of about eight or nine people each. There are also a few people seated on the floor in front of us near the first row only.

I am not one hundred percent sure as to what is in the area before us - as to whether it is a stage (which I do get an impression of and it seems logical). I am not sure as I never look in that particular direction at all (other than the immediate foreground where the girl and a few other people are sitting informally on the floor). There does seem to be an implication of a door on my far right as well as a stage likely being in front of us, but I am only slightly aware of it. All of this, in almost every detail when verifying certain things, matches the area Zsuzsanna was at the age she was relative to the young version of her here, though I had never been there and I did not know what it looked like.

The girl (young version of Zsuzsanna) who is seated on the ground in front of me, informal cross-legged style, seems happy I am there (but seems slightly sad and out-of-place) and turns around to touch my left knee with her right hand. However, there seems to be some sort of strange electromagnetic alteration (invisible barrier) of her intent and she reverses her motion and puts her hand back down as if the act is not physically possible and this makes me feel a bit “off” and both sensually and spiritually denied in my own dream (maybe she is uncertain of her approach).

I am rather annoyed at not jumping into a sensual adventure in my own dream (or even at least comforting the girl spiritually as even that was preferable to this “meeting” as a group, as it seems riddled with dogma and robotic continuity rather than with real consciousness and focus), so I decide to work on some music and start to write the notes down in my music book. The preacher, however, pulls it so that I cannot write properly (but does not touch me directly as if there is a similar barrier as with the girl) and makes a comment I do not recall. Imagine being denied both sensually and creatively - and I see that I have to follow along with the meeting (just to be polite, of course, as if I was viably lucid, I would have changed the entire scenario in a heartbeat) even though I do not belong there. I have no idea why I (or rather my dream self) am this passive. It does relate to Zsuzsanna’s memory and her sense of regret that she shared with me later on. This is more evidence that people can share other people’s memories without being aware of the orientation regarding location and such.

---

Regarding Zsuzsanna’s dream, implications in her dream were very similar to mine and left her sad (again, she had been looking at a photograph negative of the group which I never saw and I did not know of the preacher or the location, but these were days where she felt wrong about being near these people, as well as “brainwashed”). In my dream though, I do not sense any “dark energies”. It just seems a bit unusual and wrong, as if any kind of touching, sexual or not, was somehow seen as wrong and one person was “spiritually in charge” of several others.

Zsuzsanna regrets the influence these people had, even getting rid of some of her artwork and even certain music albums and possessions. It was not a religious cult, but probably close to it in some ways. Promoting the idea of “sin” upon a person doing nothing wrong was something I always felt was truly sick and “evil” in itself.

---

today i dreamt i was in a illuminated place, the floor was yellow due to the lights illuminating it
then i saw ana filipa, carolina sousa, mariana rocha coming near me.
they came but ignored me, ana filipa greeted vitor and goncalo who normally
are ignored at my school too, i found it weird and sad at the same time.
but then ana filipa gave me a kiss on the cheek.


Dream elements:

-ana filipa
-mariana rocha
-carolina sousa
-vitor
-goncalo


Technique used: MILD


hours slept: 11 hours

today i dreamt i was in a dark place, my eye and iris was shaking and cutted in half.
i was touching them. it was a bit jelly to touch them. then my mom
was in panic and was looking for a doctor, i was in a dark place.

Dream elements:

-my eye
-Mom

Technique used: MILD


hours slept: 11 hours

I am lucid somehow, a great werelion on a suburban street somewhere nameless. I can fly! I leap into the air, flying! I land, and leap again, but somehow cannot fly? Why can't I fly? What technique do I need? Wait- this is my lucid dream! I leap to the sky with a shout: I BELIEVE IN ME!
I stop about 15,000 feet in the air and hover. I perceive the edge of the dream bubble, and swirl it around to make a portal. It doesn't work at first. "Don't focus on the Moon yet," I tell myself. "Focus on the portal. Twist the pane of the dream bubble!"
The sky begins to swirl as if it's a 2D painting, and- I wake up!

note: I have not experienced this power in theta mode much, generally in delta only.

1/3 snip...For the second day in a row I get up after maybe 6 hours of
sleep, eat some oatmeal, watch a little TV and then go back to bed and for the second day in a row I have a lucid dream. I think both were either due to the nap schedule or my tweak to my self awareness check-ins but I also performed SSILD cycles each time. This felt more like a morning nap than a wake back to bed because I normally don't stay up for a long time for my wake back to beds staying up 1 hour yesterday and about 1.5 hours today (got into a movie). I'm driving down a busy road with three lanes going the same direction as I am. The right lane slows down to almost zero and I get over into one of the faster lanes and I see there's a car that is slowing down just barely going . As I continue along I see more and more cars driving strangely in curve patterns on a straight road some of them also curving into the side of the road and stopping. As I get more and more suspicious the question pops up that must be dreaming. The finger through my palm tries to tell me that I am awake but
I just know that I'm dreaming and I told myself if I'm dreaming I can pull back on the steering wheel and the car will start flying like an airplane. I lift off just above the ground at first and wonder if I've actually lifted it off at all and I pull back a little more and sure enough I'm flying up in the air higher and higher flying around a beautiful green hilled landscape in a daylight scene. It is so much fun it reminds me of the dream where I took off from the roller coaster flying over a similar landscape. I am checking out different views and after a while my vision starts to get fuzzy and I felt like I cracked open my eyes in waking life and maybe saw a little light and my room but I later realized that was a false awakening since when I actually woke up my sleep mask was firmly in place and my first do was dark by the sleep mask. At the time I thought I'd barely woke up so I decided to try to go back into the dream but later ended up in
another false awakening where my wife was coming back to bed for a little sexy time. I pull up her sweatshirt and she has an undershirt on and by the time my son starts calling out from downstairs (in the dream only because he's not at the house at the moment) we are completely naked and I am worried that he is going to walk up the stairs into our room just like the episode of Modern Family rerun that we watched last night. He is calling her asking her for something and I try to call out to him what is he looking for but he keeps calling to her (I also hear is cousin downstairs) and I tell my wife hey why don't you respond (at least 3 times) before he comes upstairs and I look at her and her eyes are closed and it looks kind of like she's having a light seizure or something with her lips puckered kind of like a fish and I start to get ready to call my son to ask him to call 911 when I realize again I'm dreaming...I must be but there's just enough doubt that I make myself
wake up just in case she is having some kind of medical emergency in waking life. Did not count this as a lucid dream...not this false awakening.

Sleep Score: 100 approx
Lucid Dreams: 0
Recorded Dreams: 6
Technique: WBTB

Notes: lot's of sleep, duration 12 hours with actual sleep of about 10, dehydrated in the morning. Could have easily had many LDs tonight

(here's the new way I've been capturing data since Zeo went bust)

1/1/14 snip...Sometime during the night I wake and I have trouble going back to sleep I think only after 3 hours around 5 a.m. I went to bed just after 2 a.m. New Years Eve. Since I'm unable to sleep I decide to do my SSILD cycles and after some time I have three waves of vibrations I think that I probably went lucid but I was too lazy when I woke up after several subsequent non lucid dreams to write anything down so I don't recall anything specific after 5 a.m...except for the three waves of vibrations. Not counting it since I can't remember for sure.

1/2/14 1am 430 620 Dream that turned lucid. I get up after 5 1/2 hours of
sleep eat some oatmeal watch a little TV and then go back to bed. This was a morning nap false awakening where I pull off my sleep mask in the dream sitting up a little in bed. It feels so weird so I think that I am halfway in dreamland so I lay back down to DEILD but I am already dreaming...but it is confusing for a little while, a dreamlike confusion. New FA (I assume since my first memory of it is a bedroom scene) with E & his wife B. E asks if classic channel changes back to regular later I say no it stays the same but they play new shows not only reruns and classics. Something about Sony classic perhaps sony movie classics channel? My pajama pants are part way down and I try to pull them up a little I see B notices this and she appears interested to look down there but then I tried getting them up again when E starts talking again but he never looks down to see the condition of my pants I half realize it's a dream and have decided to go back down and visualize messing around with her but as I do it becomes so very realistic that I fully realize I am dreaming. I played with her breasts through her bra and I also feel her down there and it was warm and moist through her underwear. At one point she embraces me and as I wake up I notice my wife is not embracing me as I thought was happening. I assumed that waking life was melding with the dream but no, all made up in my mind. It was a very sensual weird experience. Just before I woke up I did start thinking about goals and if waking life was entering the dream.

My efforts of true lucidity have waned in the last few months of two thousand thirteen. Recall dropped dramatically yet my interest remained. I did not prevail. As I had lost the grasp at lucidity, I blamed others. Reality is, I'm to blame. I let the demons overtake and the anger and lust perverted the sacred lands of sleep and dream.

The faithful galleon of Dwo, that I had built and conquered from pirates, survived many battles as well as a lazy mutinous crew, had sailed on without my guidance whilst I blame those around me, fore my true foe lyes within. I wrestled with these demons of distraction far to long already. I shall fear sleep no longer.

Dwo was destroyed by the demonic being, Anger, before it was ever truly finished and Solitude, tainted by the demon, Lust.

Lust, is an infatuating yet twisted kin, whom tricked me into abusing my own powers for her own evil intentions. Cruelly misguiding me into neglecting my own soul. She speaks in tongues that I never understood yet she never needed to speak.

Anger, was equally abusive and pushed me over the edge of my own tower cliff and chased me out of the Oneiric paradise and even tricked me into hating others. A truly spiteful being. He need not speak either, fore he would only attack me verosiously.

At first, Lust made the land welcoming and warm. She taught me to summon so I could call her for my every craving, giving me everything to which I desire. Countless nights were lost in ecstasy. Thus distracting me from my true goals.

Then Anger came, subtlely at first, then night after night of his voracious taunts and my utter defeat. I stayed away for awhile hoping it would eventually just end, that Anger would leave me be, then I could return to tend my creation, the Tower of Dwo.

Occasionally, Lust would come to me and ease my sorrows yet as time went by I lost sight of all. Recall, became fragmented. I can only wonder where I would be right now if I had just wrote those horrid dreams of Angers vicious attacks down anyways. Perhaps I would have conquered over the two demons instead of letting them lay a blight all across Dwo.

Finding a strategy within the last few pages of last years book of dreams has proven difficult. Fore the pages were intentionally left blank and memories mostly forgotten, all but the worst of them. This year will prove one of the hardest and most challenging.

Lust still tricks me. Last night she visited me in a spacious and beautiful blue pool of water in a green field of exotic flora. She took the form of two tantalizing beauties, and pulled me into her distraction and deceitfulness again. While she tricks me with my own lustful wants, in the distance I watch lucidly, as Anger reigns in the tower of Dwo taunting me from afar, yet do nothing to stop him and reconquer my fortress.

I have many powers. From flight, to telekinesis, the ability to phase through walls to the breathtaking water breathing and even the unique ability of time manipulation. Among the other abilities I've learned last year, I believe it's time to defeat the two demons, find the abandoned Otherkind whom I had once befriended and take back what once was mine.

A new adventure is awaiting.
Now I sleep, then I dream.

I exited my body without any vibrations and looked at myself on the bed. I was in the same exact position i was sleeping in, but couldn't see my face because it was dark. i decided to fly through my roof and i flew at a 45 degree angle. i didn't get far and came down to my bed where a beautiful girl was already in doggy style position waiting for me. As i was about to mount her, i slight awoke and immediately tried to slip back into my "dream" state. My hypnagogic hallucinations went from pitch black, to swirls of gray. Next think i know, I'm floating and trying to fly again but kept thinking of hell and started to descend into the grey fog which turned into blackness again. soon enough, it was red and it looked like the devil's playground with shooting flames everywhere and a castle (think bowser). There was grey mist surrounding the scene which i thought to be acid. I surfed the acidic fog like it was snow.

?????

I "face detected" (think camera) the moon with one finger to pinpoint my destination. I tried to consciously propel myself to it but it didn't happen. I tried to use my other finger to facial detect a star and swing both hands in between to propel myself there and that didn't work as well. I jumped off a building and fell on my ankles. I meet up with my troubled cousin and we ran into a group of kids. He was going to rob them but I told him that we are giving everything back. He said he was leaving and closed the door. This is when my roommates iPad *clicking* noise woke me up.

Date:03 Jan

Wbtb: around 50 caffeine (latte), way too wakeful again

WILD: I finally feel as if I am not in bed anymore but somewhere else, so allow myself to look around (don't remember opening the eyes?). Yes, I am in an unknown room that has a slight resemblance to grandma's place.

At this point I recall 3 tasks and notice that there isn't a single DC here. The dream feels unstable and I recall that we talked how 501 would examine his hands in detail to anchor himself in the dream and decide to do so. I have a good look at my hands, which look quite realistic and similar to my real ones and move on to my arm where I concentrate on the fine hairs. I also remember to do the old classic stabilization where I lick my arm but with little effect. I still feel the dream slipping away and nervously walk around, thinking maybe I would try this opposite task I had in mind, but I begin to lose vision. The lower part of my vision becomes a blur and I begin to feel weightless, so conclude now isn't a good time for that particular task.

My vision gets somewhat better. I turn around and see a window, a good opportunity to get out of here. There is distinct coldness emanating from outside and I am sure it will help me freshen up and condense me back to normal. Before going out, I briefly wonder whether to bring a blanket or something, since the air is chilly. I open the window and push myself outside. In the meantime, a girl passes by carrying a blanket that she drops nearby. I ask her about her NY resolution but can't hear what she replies. The dream collapses.

DEILD: I very briefly touch on my body and concentrate on dreaming again. There's a confusing mid point dreamlet where I remain in darkness and can hear women talking around me, I keep still, waiting for the dream.

I feel a scene change, but decide I will wait a bit longer to allow the dream to fully form and maybe it will be more stable. I finally conclude it is ok to move and begin exploring. I am in my old room and can see that the voices from the previous part belong to a number of women. They are sitting on couches around a table with food and drinks as if there's some sort of party going on. A friend from school is also there.

I remember the NY resolution task and make an announcement that I would like to hear what their resolutions are. My friend says "I want some juice" and points at the table. A bit unsatisfied with the answer I move on to the next woman who looks in her forties and repeat the same question. She just stares at me with her mouth open. I wait a bit but not a single word comes out. There's another woman sitting next to her and I address her "what about your beautiful friend sitting next to you?", I feel as if I am moderating some sort of show. She says something about a friendship club in New York. I try to memorize as much as possible. The dream soon ends.

I make a quick review in mind and wonder if I should try to go back for more but really need to visit the restroom.

I also remember a fragment that I can't allocate, where I was looking at a blue/grayish backpack with something written on it by CL.

I'm reading a book. In it, the main character is looking at a river and thinking "The mare of time." The river surface usually looks calm, but it's been disturbed due to the ongoing combat. There's a thought that it's only humanocentrism that makes him see the 'calm' river as better/more natural than the 'disturbed' river. There's a reference to a distant place he's been searching for, or came from, or that otherwise has been referenced frequently in the story before now; from this point in the story onward, that place will no longer be a major part of the story. There will be a few minor finds, items from that place, fruits, henna - accompanied by the line "It was a good henna, but not enough to sit in front of the Skillet-mirror" - but the place itself will never appear in the story again, which gives the story as a whole a sort of surreal feeling, with storylines that go nowhere and scenes that don't quite match up, aside from always containing the same main character; a focus on imagery rather than plot. It reminds me of a less surreal Maldoror, or a more surreal Gormenghast, and I start thinking about the surreal in my own writing.

There's a Lost Boys tv show, currently showing the Boys versus some vampire skinheads.

A doctor who is giving up his practice and moving to an isolated island, moving in with the couple he loves. He's talking to his mother (a relatively young woman who insists he refers to her as his sister in public) about his intent to stop practicing medicine. They're standing on a small wooden hanging bridge high over a river, surrounded by tropical plants with broad leaves and looking out over the sea; it's very beautiful.

I'm in a marketplace filled with angry people. They don't like being guarded by off-worlders like us, and we're trying to arrange things so we can get at least half the guard duty covered by their own people. One of our guys in uniform is saying something about how surveys indicate the majority of locals don't mind having some off-worlder presence, and we're trying to find the best solution for everyone here, and more research is going to have to be done. I'm not joining in the discussion, I'm sitting in the dirt at the edge of the marketplace, out of uniform, just listening and watching. There'd been a chance of a riot here, but the danger seems to have passed. Now that things seem to have calmed down, the kid who alerted me to the situation and led me here reaches out and picks up the chips - money - that I left beside me on the ground. I put it there for him, but he seemed unsure if it was really okay for him to take it. When he sees me looking at him, he looks scared and smiles at me; I nod, and he grabs the money and runs off.

Someone with a different face than usual is explaining to a horrified listener that he's learned to shapeshift. The listener asks who he can shapeshift into; the answer is something along the lines of "oh, people I've eaten, people I've physically bonded with, anyone really." The listener wonders, but doesn't ask out loud, what physically bonded means exactly; he's wondering if just seeing someone is enough. "Objects, even." The listener, horrified by all this, asks, "What happens to your personhood?" The shapeshifter says he's removed a piece of himself and keeps it separate in this box, which he's now asking the listener to deliver to his aunt for him for safekeeping. It looks ordinary, and the listener asks if this shouldn't be labeled in some way. The shifter mocks the idea. It's not necessary to know something's significance to keep it safe; often it's the opposite, it's simpler and safer if they don't know.

A pair of time-travelers who've recently reunited are stopping by a football game they've been to before. They kept meaning to get around to changing this one little moment in time, and now they've got the chance. There's a guy who's been meaning to propose to his girlfriend, and they're about to be featured on the big screen; the first time around, neither of them had noticed they were on camera, and something unfortunate happened afterward. This time around, the time-travelers are sitting just behind the couple, and they poke them and draw their attention to the camera. The guy takes the moment to propose, the girl accepts - but they both seem rather awkward and uncomfortable with all the attention.

I've been living in a foreign country, working as a live-in tutor, but this is the end of my last day and I'm about to leave. I'm packing up the last of my things and then head downstairs. Downstairs appears to be the house I grew up in, but I'm thinking to myself that this stuff isn't really here, I'm dreaming, and this is only being used as a convenient background, so there's no need to pack it all. Despite this thought, I don't become very lucid; I just focus on sorting out which things only seem to be here because it's a dream, and which things I actually need to pack.

Julie's patting a big, shaggy old dog, in a room with four guys behind her, talking to her, though I can't make out what's being said. I'm using magic to check in on her from a distance and I don't have a very good connection in this room. She gets up and goes into the corridor, where I can't see her at all, but I recognize the sound of her sister's voice. I realize they're heading outside, which is convenient, there's tons of running water out there I can use. I switch the spell to a bit of water running down the side of the wall, and see that they've gone out into the courtyard and are sitting down on the benches around the fountain - even better. As I move the spell, I remember seeing a post here on DV with a title about learning to control the elements in dreams, which I hadn't read, since thinking of the elements as something you have to learn to use sounded counterproductive. I'm thinking about how helpful water spirits have always been. Again, I don't go lucid; the spell's POV has been moved, and I go back to focusing on the view. They're in the courtyard of a building made of large sand-colored stones, surrounded by potted and hanging plants, and from the fountain I'm looking up at Julie's sister, a woman with long black hair, wearing a black dress. She's saying something about "outlanders."

I'm with a group of people crossing a desert, when a girl - Julia - arrives in our camp on foot. She'd been following us after we left town, refusing to take her with us. She's an English woman, dressed in Victorian clothing; she looks as if she must be very hot in those clothes, but she's kept struggling along. Then a scene change, just a quick image: Julia walking in the desert on foot, while I and a woman sitting behind me are riding a horse, far ahead of her.

A fragment: an image of cities and towers in domes surrounded by wilderness, one of which has been heavily decayed, but which appears to rebuild itself as I'm watching; it's related to the breaking of a Sleeping Beauty-style curse.