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Morning of December 19, 2015. Saturday.



In my very vivid dream, my family and I are back living on Barolin Street (the large house no longer there in reality, having been moved). It seems to be late at night and I am on our front porch with a young version of my brother Earl (deceased) and his last wife Cindy. I am nearest the front entrance, Cindy being to my right, and Earl being to her right. We are all seated on small kitchen chairs. My brother and his wife are facing an electronics setup though I am more to the side of it, what is seemingly a cassette deck to record their conversation and possibly singing. This cassette deck is sitting on a larger feature, which is some sort of computer. There is also apparently a radio. (This is probably associated with a recording which Earl and his first wife Beverly created at North Monroe Street in 1967 with a guitarist of the region, Don Keys, including their singing and his own double-tracked guitar parts on reel-to-reel, which was transferred to cassette copies.) This is where I had a setup in real life prior to our moving, though not exactly as in my dream.

Over time, the face of the vertical-load cassette deck seems detached and loose and is out by about half an inch. I also notice that the front of the computer tower is slightly protruding with a gap. Eventually, I feel a bit of heat and smoke begins to come out.

There is a temporary strange shifting of the situation, like an offset dream within a dream but oddly just as vivid (without a seeming consciousness shift, which is atypical of dreams within dreams). I am then on the far right of the setup and my oldest son, seeming only about twelve years old again, is to my left. I am telling him that he should sit back from the smoke as the smoke seems possibly toxic if too much is breathed in, though at this point, it seems a “normal” part of the recording process and to be expected of the electronic equipment (even though in the main scenario it is not considered as such at all).

Then, I am shifted back into the previous scenario again, exactly the same as it was. I do not really pay any notice to my having shifted into the offset dream but continue trying to work out what is going on with the equipment. The smoke is not that thick but seems to annoy my brother and his wife and becomes more problematic. It mostly drifts northward through our porch.

My brother Earl shows me his wife’s bracelet, which had been sitting atop the cassette deck. “Look,” he says to me, “it’s melted”. He seems slightly annoyed but not angry. His wife Cindy looks on without emotion.

I then notice that my black wallet (of synthetic plastic) had also been atop the cassette deck and has partly melted. It has even come apart into two sections, all of the contents having been singed. I am only slightly concerned. I am not sure if we will continue to work in a session regarding what we had been doing (recording from the radio or Earl singing with his wife).

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Because a cassette deck has two cylindrical rotating features (and especially being a machine), it is obvious now that it is a subtle metaphorical form of the Merkaba. Frankly, I cannot imagine how I have missed this all this time - talk about being “slow”. (In fact, this setting reflects when I experienced it the strongest when wide awake, complete with the intense cilia-like imagery. This also means that I will be able to get additional clues out of a number of past dreams that I had not fully decoded yet.)

The cassette deck being the (partnered) Merkaba is even more obvious with the additional elements which validate this likelihood. Firstly, the melted bracelet is that which symbolizes lack of bondage to something mundanely habitual; in other words, it augments spiritual freedom (or not being “chained” by society’s limited understanding and unrewarding material pursuits). (A melted bracelet equates a removed handcuff.) Secondly, the melted wallet means dynamic spiritual freedom in another way, in the sense of the melted identification card - that is, losing static and mundane associations with any previous presumed identity - or being free of non-dynamic restrictions caused by being “labelled” by either government or consensus or even a particular individual.

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In another way, it could also be a reminder of the ephemerality of the Merkaba. (Certainly, something melting does not always have this association. For example, I have two well-documented dreams of melted bicycles, both having been preceded by having a small amount of alcohol in real life. It is clear to me that, as a bicycle represents both cellular processes and the ability to define travel through “narrower paths” - as well as yet another form of the partnered Merkaba evidenced by the two rotating wheels - that alcohol interferes with cellular processes - “melting” or killing brain cells - and interferes with intended steering or desired direction as well as spiritual relationships.)

Smoke often represents real-time communications with consensus consciousness and (potential) changes of thinking in the dreamer (or the “burning” or dissolving of previous ideas or circumstances). In this case, aspects may be “toxic” because of the limiting nature of some levels of collective consciousness; that is, people who refuse to move on by holding labels over a person or circumstance; they are mentally “stuck” on one time period (or fixed memory) and one illusory facade without the ability to understand transience or natural change, as even rocks are transitory.

Why was my brother Earl rendered in this situation? Since childhood, I always referred to him as the “doubting Thomas” of my family, so at one level, he is the “skeptic” within my consciousness.

Some people have the idea that “being free of restraint” (melted bracelet) and “losing invariable identification” (melted wallet) can only be of negative implications, when that depends on the circumstances. My experiences with the Merkaba tell me that something outside of myself is needed to balance my place in the universe (in other words, my soulmate). My wife Zsuzsanna and I had also made cassettes of our singing together, mostly when we lived on Gellibrand Street in Clayfield. There are sometimes many layers to consider in a particular dream, depending on its type. This one seems to have more actual meaning than usual (though not just because it was vivid and non-lucid).

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NON-DREAM
DREAM
LUCID
FALSE AWAKENING
NIGHTMARE
FRAGMENT
(Unconnected dreams indicated by a *. Connected dreams indicated by a •. )

Whew! Finally got to recalling my nighttime dreams after three days of nothing!

* A man and his kids are at this big indoor pool with many diving boards. The kids jump off the diving boards, then the dad. The dad nearly grazes the edge of the pool and creates some kind of fuzz that the kids think is gross. They are filming all this for a YouTube video titled "iPad Snow".

* There is a big parade in a large city. The parade is grayscale, but the balloons are in color. I see myself from a distance in third person view, sneaking onto one of the floats.

* Milhouse (from The Simpsons) is in my kitchen, washing out our cups.

* Tintin (from the Tintin Comics) has changed his dog Snowy into a larger, taller version.

It's been such a long time since I wrote in my dream journal. I may not have the consistency to write every single day, but I can surely manage once every two days. Of course, I'll be having a physical dream journal I'll write in everyday.

I couldn't remember most dreams during the night, but I can easily recall one when I woke up and went back to sleep.

I need to WILD!

I was on a bed getting prepared to WILD. The vibrations came rather fast, only a few seconds after getting relaxed. Must've been very tired. I fell right into another dream, where I simply got up from the bed I was sleeping in, and was disappointed as I thought I failed the WILD. I went into the washroom but as I wasn't focused on the mirror I never saw my reflection. In the bathroom I realized I might have already been in a dream, and did a successful reality check, and before I could even say "I'm dreaming!" I woke up right back in the first dream. I went to right back to another WILD and when I woke up, I did the reality check where I look at my hands, but I couldn't see them clearly so I tried levitating, and it worked! I tried to call upon a thoughtform I wanted to hang out with in the dream but found myself waking right back up again. I got pretty upset, and it only made it worse that my family came in saying I had some errands to do so I had to wake up. Strangely enough around the sides of the rooms were glass walls where prisoners were mining up ore deposits. To much world war two in history class. When my family left the room, I thought, "maybe one more shot at this". So I went back to sleep and woke up again, and gained lucidity again. This time though, I immediately went to a wall to ground myself into the dream. It was getting much more vivid. The room wasn't well lit, and on the corner of the room I could just make out a younger version of myself who wanted to help me find that thoughtform. Also, I saw what I thought to be my aunt (She's came to visit yesterday, and also now that I recall this part of the dream it seemed more like some demonic being, something like the monsters in amnesia) lying on the bed. I decided to stop touching the wall but when I stopped I started feeling as though the dream would fall apart. So I went to the opposite wall and started feeling that. It felt close to reality now, and I could stop now. I was looking towards my aunt and she had apparently turned into a blue sheet and attached herself to the wall. I could distinctly hear the words "Ding! there we go." I had lightly laughed. I gave a glance towards my younger self and said, "Hey, instead of doing that to find the thoughtform, why don't we teleport to where she might be?" So then, I tried the spinning method, as I heard it helped with grounding as well as teleportation, but it made the dream unstable and I woke up for real.

+ car in traffic, can't wait for the turn, blocks the lane, but other cars did make the lane, if we go ahead, we won't be able to turn for a long ways

+ flying/hopping between light poles in the median of a road, along with a flying squirrel, the squirrel is slow moving and I nudge it with my leg a few times

+ TV: up close examination. On-screen configuration menu, many many options, trying to figure them all out. The TV has a feature where it will swivel to copy the movements of the recording TV camera (this can be disabled). There are chairs for sitting in and watching. The volume is loud and I'm trying to turn it down

+ In the living room of childhood home with parents (sense don't really see them). They're handling one of my tapes, I take it just in case it has NSFW stuff on it. We're going to watch a movie. I go to put the tape back in a cabinet on floor level in the piano corner. I'm digging around in the cabinet and in the back I see a bottle with a purplish orange bright label, I think hey that looks like my galantamine. I pull it out and it is. I think it is a bulk powder. The directions on the label say to take 1/2 tablespoon 30 minutes before bed. I wonder if it is still good. I look closer and the bottle and now it's transparent and filled with something that looks like small flat capers in oil. It is a galantamine and garlic mixture in oil.

Upstairs, I enter the hallway bathroom. The light is off. I look at the sink, the sink is full and the right faucet is running a bit. I try to turn it off but it won't turn off. The left faucet handle is entirely missing. I look to the right and see that my dad has placed a bucket by the door to catch the overflow. I fiddle around with the sink, I think about getting a plumbing device to see if I can unclog the drain. There are now two drains in the sink, and the water starts draining out of each one, with a little whirlpool forming over each drain. The sink then is empty.

I'm walking up the steps to the street in the front of the house. I think it may be possible that I can fly, even though I feel totally awake. Wouldn't that be awesome? I get up to the street and look at the blue sky between the M's and L's houses. I don't think I've ever flown in that direction before, I should probably try it. I'm feeling elated like I really might be able to fly. I walk quickly towards the L's low brick wall fence, turn around and face our house, and get a running start and launch myself into the air…and I don't fall, yes I can fly!

I don't get very far though, my progress is stalled, but then some wind catches me and I rise up about 20 feet but am blown backwards. I aim myself over towards the G's and notice that they've cleaned up all the mess/growth in their yard, it's very neat now. I'm sailing just barely over the rooftops, [now in a dream neighborhood], I'm below roof level now, only about 10-15 feet above the ground. I'm flying through courtyards and I see people sitting out in their gardens and porches but somehow they don't see me. I fly up to and barely over the roof of another house.

I need to flap my arms to keep flying and it's hard and my arms are getting tired. Past one house I'm just about back to the ground and so I land and start walking.

I encounter a family going to the beach. A little girl, a little boy, and (not seen) a dad. The boy is in front and the girl is behind him. The girl calls out in a very loud and almost incomprehensible voice, DAAAAA!! COOOOO HEEEEEYAAAAA FFOOO A SEEEE [dad, come here for a second]. She's not impaired or disabled, just speaks really unclearly, I think it's really hard to understand people sometimes. She calls out this again. Then the girl is commenting on a little strap connecting the upper pants to the lower pants that both the boy and the girl are wearing: the boy's has gotten dirty, but so has the girl's the boy points out. I think when you go to the beach, everything gets dirty.

Fragment
» I recall someone asking me if I also entered a contest to win a free GoPro camera.

» I recall chilling with one of my housemates. We were talking about his relationship.

Team Jestion
I'm watching a video of a bunch of freerunners. Parts of it are in slowmotion. They are in an MMA arena, showcasing their tricks. A few times I could see the audience in the background. There's one kid who was either black or Asian, who seemed bored, as he yawned quite obviously. The tricks this group was showcasing were so brutal that I replayed parts of the video. There was one part where someone was sort of leaning against an object in the middle of the arena. His back was hollow and his face was covered by something. One of the other guys decides to use his upperbody as a platform to perform a gainer [backflip variant]. He runs up to the guy, puts his foot down on the right side of his chest and performs the gainer, landing just to the left of the other dude. Insanely awesome! You can see the other guy open his mouth to scream though, as he probably wasn't expecting this to happen. At the end I can see the logo of Team Jestion.

1. I was in a futuristic four wheel drive ATV, smack in the middle of a battlefield. The battlefield was on a huge plateau covered in green grass. I drove across it. I was highly aware of the fact that there was an entire army of aliens behind me. I floored the accelerator and got out of there. As I did so, I quickly realized that I was approaching the cliff of the plateau, but I knew I couldn't stop. An entire group of giant aliens were quickly trailing behind me, and they were catching up. I had no choice, so I drove over the cliff. As I was falling I noticed that there were giant humans in front of me. Then it came to me, I was super small. Once I landed on the brick ground far below me I got out of the ATV. I suddenly became a normal sized human, or so to say, the same size as everyone else. I looked around, semi-lucid at this point. To my left I realized that there was a beautiful lake. It was a calm lake, barely any motion was in it. In the lake, close to the edge, was a small fisherman's boat. Inside was an old man, and he seemed to be looking for something. He threw his fishing reel out and immediately caught something, something big. "I'm losing it!" he said as he struggled. Suddenly my friend Trey showed up out of no where and jumped in the lake. He grabbed the fish by its throat with ease and handed it to a random guy reaching out to him that was standing on the concrete path not far from where I was.
The guy went to grab for the fish, but as he did it slipped out of his hands and the fish fell into the water. Trey once again, with ease, grabbed the fish out of the water and handed to the random guy with caution. This time the guy grabbed hold of the fish securely and it didn't fall. I walked over to the random guy simply observing with interest. At this point I was on the verge of doing a reality check. I had the drive to do one as I knew that I hadn't done one in a while. However, I kept on walking. As I did though, I analyzed everything that had just happened, but my mind wasn't focused solely on doing so; I was partly distracted.
I walked to the school I was next to and realized that today I had my last final before Christmas break started. I was very content that I was fixing to be out of school for 2 weeks to say the least. As I walked along the edge of the school I saw two girls. They were beautiful. I was now semi-lucid and asked my self "Am I in a dream?". I don't know what happened after that.

2. I was inside of my own house. I ran inside through the front door after I saw some old guy run into our backyard. Immediately I thought that he was an intruder. On top of that it was raining hard. Really hard. I could hear the rain hitting the roof from inside. For some reason I had a wife in this dream. She was beautiful. She had black hair and blue eyes and I could tell she was of spanish descent. I didn't even know her name lol. She walked into our backyard and into the granite area behind our garage. She told me she was going to get something. I waited for her. While she was back behind the garage I kept thinking about how beautiful she was. There was alot of thunder and lightening, and the rain was still heavy. Soon enough she came back. As she walked inside I told her "You are so beautiful holy shit". She rolled her eyes and told me to stop. I read her emotions. She thought I was joking for some reason lol. I pulled her close to me and kissed her on the lips. The feeling of our lips touching was amazing to say the least. I was totally drunk in love at that moment lol.

By the way, for anyone reading this, I was drunk while typing this up, so this isn't how I normally type my dreams up. Thanks for reading. I was still aware enough to spell everything correctly though lol.

MILD(BEFORE SLEEP) - WBTB+MILD

*I became lucid while flying over a beautiful city at night time. I flew around for a while enjoying my flying abilities. I saw a particular part of the city I wanted to go to and I said out loud I want to go there immediately I began to fly in that direction. I flew down into the city and enter into what seemed like a 3d computer generated world which was very bizarre.

I had this dream I was standing in a field and not far from was a man with a hat tipped over his eyes wearing a heavy grey coat there was a big farm house up a head from us and I dont know why but I knew we were both going there. We both seemed to be waiting then I saw that there were sheep around us in the field and little lambs too. There was a sheep and lamb close to the man but the sheep wasnt paying attention to it's lamb which wandered closer to a wire fence where it was very muddy. The lamb then started squealing in fright as it sunk down below the mud it's mother just walked away I looked at the man but he didnt move to help it and soon it was only it's nose poking above the watery mud so i ran to the man shoved my phone into his hand and grabbed his other so I could lean over without falling in and sinking myself. I managed to grab the lamb by the scruff of the neck and tug it out of the mud. Next thing I know the man is gone and Im walking away holding this really frail filthy lamb against my chest covered in mud.

I went to check into a hotel with my boyfriend and he told the person at the check-in desk that we were staying there for the whole weekend but I thought we were just staying for a night and I was stressing because I had something important to do like play some Mortal Kombat character and it was really important for some reason.

Then I was younger and in a class but it was an outdoor class and I couldn't pay
attention to the teacher because I was looking behind me at the beautiful scenery, a tall mountain and a sunset. The boy behind me passed me a picture. It was a picture of the mountain and sunset. Then the boy started saying really nice things to me that I liked and I was falling in love and then we were lying on a couch. I lay my head on his leg as I realized I was going to stay with him and love him forever. Then he moved up beside of me, lying beside me on the couch and I put my arms around him.

But then something weird happens, like I am eating, but in reverse, so food is coming up my throat and turning into solid food in my mouth and I try to swallow it down but I am choking and everything is ruined and I wake up.

Then I am with my boyfriend. We are near our apartment complex but it is different. There is a solid cement ground and a solid cement wall and my boyfriend is very drunk and yelling at some woman in the distance so I make him stop. I thought he was really going to embarrass himself. But then I wanted to see what happened if he told the woman what he wanted to tell her so I tried to encourage him to keep on yelling but he wouldn't do it.

I had a bunch of other weird dreams that I took mental notes of but then I fell asleep and lost them.

[Notes]:
- This happened a while back, can't remember much about it.

[Fragment 1]:
I get into my car with a couple of friends (one of them is W). For some reason, the driver's seat is on the right side. I hear these strange gas-like sounds in the car behind me, and I look, and low and behold my friends are smoking crack in my car with a couple of test tubes. I flip out at them, and they get legit scared and run away. I run after them. I eventually find myself on top of this tree house, and these police/neighborhood watch people start shouting at me, scolding me for scolding my friends for having crack.

[Fragment 2]:
Something about my bus being late... turning onto a neighborhood street.

[Fragment 3]:
There was this crazy lightning storm above my house. [DREAMSIGN] It flew over and ended up on the east side, spewing out confetti-like sine wave lightning like crazy.

[Notes]:
- Very vivid.
- I wrote some rudimentary notes a while back, but now I can't remember that much outside of them.
- The setting was rather all over the place; it was more like I was watching a movie with cuts in between than actually flowing through a whole dream.

[Dream begins]:
My family doctor had prescribed me heroin, and I didn't really know why (possibly depression?). I was supposed to shoot up once a day, every morning. My syringes came in these blue or black plastic containers in packs of 10 or 20.

I had become dependent on it. In order to feel any sense of normality, I'd have to shoot up. On the first day of the dream, I shot up in the morning, but then started feeling crappy in the afternoon. I know I was only supposed to shoot once, but I just had to do it again. Thus began the cycle. The next day, I made it halfway through the day, then shot up again. Then again a couple hours later, and so on. At the end of the day, I realized that I had shot up five times. I realized I had a problem. The next day, I decided I would only shoot up once in the morning, as prescribed. I made it into the day a little, feeling relatively fine, and then I started to feel crappy. I had a HUD that had a happy meter that was like a battery, and it was nearing empty. I began to feel like my whole body was hurting, sweats, and fever.

[Dream ends]

I Can't Recall Much, But Here's What I Remember. I Was Waking Up In A Different Living Room Than Mine, Which I Might Have Been Lucid. In The Living Room, I Remember Seeing Lots Of Pets. For Some Reason, They Were Gone, But It Didn't Bother Me All That Much Knowing I Was Lucid. Few Minutes Later, I Saw A Human Sized Robot For Whatever Reason, I Thought It Was Just My Subconcience Probably

Later I Got On A Computer, BTW, I Don't Think I Was Lucid BEFORE This, But For Whatever Reason, The Computer Was Not The Normal 8. Instead, It For Some Reason Was 2000. Tried To See If I Could Get On Minecraft, But All The Sudden, I See A Bunch Of Viruses And Adware Pop Up In An Old Styled Computer Fashion. This Is Where I Get Lucid. I Tried To Teleport To My School, Just To Explore Around A Little.

For Some Reason, It Has Two Extra Floors And... A Walmart Behind It? I Had Earlier Also Remember Eggnog At The Back Of The Fridge. I Didn't Even Have That, But That Certainly Would Not Make Me Lucid As It Is Close To The Holidays. Anyways, For Some Reason When I Stepped Into The Walmart Area In The Back Of My School I Ended Up Waking Up (For Real)

Sorry If This Dream Is Kind Of Boring :/. I Honestly Didn't Create Anything As I Just Wanted To Explore. Sorry.

18/12/15
A short fragment about being in a dark medieval inn, torches flickering, discussing rebellious plans with a group of people.

Three kid playing CS(fps game) on VR headset on 2nd floor, The 2nd floor house have balcony at the back with stairs to outside first floor. Every once a while weird stuff happen in the house like things weren't at the same place, light was turn off but came home with light on
There is this old dirty and crazy lady that talks to her self in a language no body can understand live near by, Every once a while she will wonder up to the house and look into windows many times she walk to the back of the house up the balcony looking into the house.
So back to the 3 kid that was playing the game on VR headset. The game glitch out stuck on the same screen for few sec and came back glitchy, Is was really weird normally when game glitch/stuck you will get log off or just unplayable, all of the sudden the game gets really bloody, player gets kill by flying cars fly and crash people to dead they were able to see all the details like body crush to pieces. One of the 3 kids got board of it and took off the VR headset trying to reset it to normal another yell why you took it off you haven't even quit the game yet (sounded horrific) and all of the sudden the guy took the VR headset drop to the ground. Those guys hear a loud falling sound quit the game and check what is going on one of the kid standing near the stairs fell a cold breeze and notice the front door were slightly open down stairs he runs down stairs to check if anyone was home trying to get some help the guy at 2nd floor yells HIS DEAD. that kid ran back up stairs he saw that dead kids face look totally deform his tongue were handing out eyes wild opens. he pick up the phone dialing 911 while on the phone both of them hear someone is talking at the back of the house on the balcony when they look over they saw the shadow of that old lady hunchback. One guy walk up to window so close to that old lady he can see every detail on her,messy white hair with the tooth looking like piranha. That old lady start to get really mad ran back down and up while yelling. Seems like she's talking to ghost around her all of the sudden she had a straight eye contact with the kid by the window she start to walking away down to the stairs. This guy felt like his frd death have something to do with this old lady he opens the back door of balcony that old lady ran back so fast in a flash . He try to punch her the old lady bite hand off and I woke up.

The sex dream wiped out the rest of the recall for the night.

+ not great recall of it now, but it was quite intense and seemed fairly long.
Coming down (escalator) to area (filming?) where lots of kinky/fetishy things were going on. BJ from girl with long snake neck, her head turning around in circles on that stalk. Intercourse with another. Another at a table?

Then I'm entering a bus parked outside. There is a rocky lava step leading up to the bus with a sleeping bag laid across it. Inside, I hear a guy and a girl going at it in the bus, she's moaning loudly. I lie down and pretend to be asleep on the stairs of the bus. They stop and the guy (I sense) is in the front seat looking down at me while I pretend to sleep. At one point I blink my eyes and just look at the floor.

Then I'm approaching a large conference center. I hear an amplified voice, the speaker. It's a conference for pregnant women. "Lots of females here!" I think and go inside. Yup, seems like all the women are pregnant and that's not my thing. I find one girl who's attractive and go up to her. Everything seems so vivid, I'm starting to doubt [that it's a dream? I do not think "dream". That what I'm doing is without consequences?]. I drop my pants in front of her (she's sitting on a couch) and I wonder if she is going to go crazy at this. She accepts it and starts in and the dream fades.