lucid

Fragment 1: I was playing a minecraft mod that starts you off with only a set amount of chunks that are added onto by doing certain things. Meanwhile, someone was telling me about an incident they were involved in. I would give details if I could remember.

Fragment 2: Me and my mom were in the parking lot at a local shopping center when we saw the queen of England. Without even thinking, my mom started talking to her, invited her in the car, and we got in and started driving home. I put on a song from a Leprous/Rishloo album that doesn't exist. It had the opening riff from "Lovely Room" off of Rishloo's first album, but it was more distorted and droned throughout the entire track. The album featured a black album cover with dark blue markings to imitate a stone pattern. The song itself was pretty soft in tone. Eventually, I had to get out to clean the road because one of the neighbor's recycle bins had fallen over. It had the words "work smart and not hard" spray painted on it. I turned my head a little bit and saw my late dog Milo sniffing something. By this time, the queen was talking to my mom from our porch. I tried to call my mom's attention to the fact that our dead dog is outside right now, but she just wouldn't budge. My aunt did see, however, and I remarked about how odd it is that he's here and that he looks not a year older than when he died. I then told her, "You would've thought I would have this dream the night after he died-" I exclaimed YES under my breath at the realization that I had just become lucid. I looked at my right hand, as per tradition for me, and it was extremely messed up. Fingers were coming out of fingers in a tree-like fashion, and I only had two fingers that branched from my palm. I focused hard enough and it became more normal, although I was missing a finger. I tried getting that finger back, but I only got to halfway before I gave up. Some insignificant stuff that I can't remember happened, and then I woke up.

I had this LD a few days ago.
I'm in the street. I go in a shop wich in rl is a lottery shop, but for any reason it was a food place. They give a bag of salt and i come back home. I put a plate and pour some salt on it. I look away for two seconds and when i look again is a delicious bistec. I eat it and do this several times with different foods. After a while i get called and i go out of the house. Now i'm in a school i'm not familiar with.
Then, i see a friend of mine.
- Oh man, why do we have to prepare all of this? - he whines - i want to taste again that sweet sweet special salt.
- But... you weren't having salt with me - i said.
That's when i noticed it was a dream.
- Is this a dream? - i ask.
He grins.
- No...
After that it's quite difficult to remember.

Morning of September 24, 2019. Tuesday.

Dream #: 19,272-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min 30 sec.



Precursory: I am aware I am in bed at our present address though I do not perceive the room with coherence even though it is a vivid dream. My head is downward (though I am sleeping on my left side) though I have no perception of any other body part yet. My mouth is not against the mattress as my head seems elevated a few inches. I am aware it is morning, and although daylight is present, there is no cohesive imagery yet.

Induction: I am aware of at least one Naiad, but I do not see her. I can only hear her voice and breath in my ear after several short snippets of gibberish from farther behind me. She says, “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” while near my left ear. Although I try to bring about communication with expectation with liminal dream state awareness, it does not occur, though I do not possess speech capability in this mode.

Post-induction: I watch several couples in canoes from a distance. I do not attempt to identify anyone. It seems to be late afternoon now. There are minimal ruins adjacent to the shore.

Vestibular stage: I ride a bicycle on a hilltop, avoiding sparsely arranged rocks. My concern is minimal as the tires phase through any that are directly in front of my path. (I am aware of attempting to enhance my imaginary physicality with this activity.)

The drop: I ride my bicycle off the edge of an embankment, and I slowly fly after it vanishes (without exit point modulation). I end up hovering near the doorway of one of the ruins, and I have a desire to look inside. I float into the room in a standing position.

Cognitive arousal: An MP (preconscious modulator as authoritative) is sitting at a desk with a typewriter. I cannot tell if he is real and had fallen asleep or if he is a mannequin. Upon attempting to read what he had typed, I see only sequences of random letters that change each time I look again. My view seems magnified. I see the red and black ribbon, red above black.

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(As I am already in emerging awareness and cognitive arousal there is no need for the preconscious to be intrusive.)

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18th of February

I am at my old home packing my stuff into backpack. I want to leave because others think i am gay but I am not. I left the house and walked down the street and I jumped really high and flew away, cant recall where exactly but I remember I flew nearby big tower where I asked some guy how to get home and he pointed some direction which I didn't think is the right one so I continued my own direction.

After a while I reached my house, it's a big house and I am floating in front of our window (5th floor), my sister sees me and smiles then goes for mother and she takes a photo of me, then i knocked on the window and they openned and let me inside. It looks different here I walk inside the room for our maids and there is this ginger haired girl who told me " So it was you who did it to me" (I think it was the same girl i made love with last dream, same night) then I went to my room and became lucid so i went back to maids room. There were two older maids and seven ginger haired girls (also maids) I asked which one is the one I slept with last night, but none answered so i started to look in their faces but I didnt recognize her. I wanted to tell her that we are in a dream.. The older maids were asking me what is going on. I didn't want to tell them and i just said " I would never believe it can be so real" i almost started to cry be ause of how powerful the experience was and then my sight started to fade and I felt like I am about to wake up for real. They took me to main hall and put me in bed. Closed my eyes and could feel my physical body I was shifting between dream and reality and few seconds later I returned to that dream. I get up and go to the living room where I am fully aware that I am in a dream, everything looks so real. There are some guests and some small brown haired boy walked out of the kitchen. I stopped him and told him that we are in a dream. He looked at me and said "Come with me I prepared something for you." He took me by the hand and we walked outside on our balcony. We started to fly high into the sky a minute later he asked me to fly a little bit lower. I could see big hills covered with forest and great lake in front of it. Then I noticed that waterskies appeared on our feet and we skied across the lake together.

Morning of March 5, 2019. Tuesday.

Dream #: 19,069-04. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.



I stand in the early afternoon in an unknown location directly facing the propeller of a small white airplane. The propeller moves a short distance counterclockwise, but then it seems like it had not. I try to determine if it had by concentrating on the scene. I do not see a pilot, as the windows reflect blue sky and white clouds with a gray hue.

I consider the essence of a slipstream, though mainly, since childhood, my modulation of the imaginary physicality of dreaming has been about balance or hovering to sustain and vivify a dream. I know there would have to be no imagined physical contact (despite ordinary wall mediation using phasing). I feel a sense of movement, but wake.

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“Beautiful Sparkling Tornadoes” from this date was about phasing and slipstreams as well. It is the principal factor of dream entry and egress. (That dream had a fictitious author who wrote about unknown creatures coming through the slipstream to “threaten humanity,” though there was no threat to me.) I can assume (at an esoteric level) that a tornado is a primary vehicle of enigmatic space (when it models the virtual Merkaba), yet which I have modulated even in childhood with one of my favorite dreams of spinning a merry-go-round to counteract an oncoming tornado.

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dream type: liminal modulation of imaginary physicality, supraliminal imaginary slipstream (virtual Merkaba)

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Induction, dreaming, and waking processes stem from the same dynamics regardless of any personification or preconscious simulacrum. There is no vestibular system personification here, only me.

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I left my body and immediately took a flight through window into night, to visit my soulmate. After about 2 kilometers of following the road about 20 meters above ground I got lost. The road took unexpected turn and went into a forest and up to very, but very tall hill. Obviously I didn't want to go there so I flew back till I reached the known place... and took direction to my soulmate again. And again the road took unexpected turn and I was again flying up the tall hill. It is not first time I ended there... in fact It had become regular problem in past two years... After a few retraces of my flight I got into point where I was unable to return to known place.
So I forcibly returned into my body. And restarted OBE. And took a flight to my soulmate again. To no avail... I again and again lost myself and was flying up the very tall unknown hill. After a few retraces of my flight I was again forced to return to my body and to leave it again to reset the surrounding.
I was flying again. This time I tried to apply the visualisation of my memories carefully... I pictured the road... I pictured the goal(there is characteristic rocky hill close to place where she lives)... I even saw it in that OBE. And I got again lost to that unknown hill place. I repeatedly tried to fly there, then to walk there... It was persistent. The surrounding changed in between the steps. It was frustrating. Yet I kept to repeat the attempt to get to her home. It took about 3 subjective hours till I was so tired that I lost consciousness and fell asleep.

Remarks
This had became an obsession for a few months now to me. Due to impossibility to reach that place I feel driven to find the way to that place.
That unknown place is very familiar to me in the astral. I get lost to that place often.

Had a dream it was my last day in high school. I didn't realize it was and I was the last student in the classroom with a male teacher. I told him that I had 'finally done it.'; that I had no more schooling left for the rest of my life. I leave the building and I realize I am dreaming. I stabilize the dream by looking at my hands, and everything becomes clearer. I try to summon a dream character but no dice. The dream ends not because it collapsed but because my alarm went off I needed to be awake.

I am in a kitchen with my elder sister vaguely wandering what it was that I was looking for. Considering the room I am in I conclude that I must have wanted to make myself something to eat but I can't recall what I wanted to have. On a nearby breadbox is half of a mince pie but I remind myself that I've made a point to not eat non-fish meat any more. I start hearing a whistling tune and recognize the source as my mother's pet cockatiel.
Turning a corner into a niche that houses a fridge I spot the bird sitting on a birdstand. He doesn't look all that healthy, missing feathers and having a greenish tint to his skin. As I am looking at the bird he starts doing drunken loop-de-loops and I worry that there is definately something wrong with the bird. The wrongness I'm sensing makes me ask my sister if I'm dreaming and she answers with an indifferent "no, you're not". When I look back at the bird he now looks perfectly fine. I don't trust my sister's answer so I move away from her to a different part of the kitchen so that I can practice some dream control.
I raise my right hand cupped, palm up and focus on creating a ball of light or fire but only manage to get a weak glow to hover over the surface of my palm. Thats not too impresive but I feel inspired to do something with it so I punch my left hand over my right, open-palmed while muttering "Atar-kum-nash-me". The glow disipates forward but produces no noticable results. Looking out of the window in the wall in front of me I get an urge to do some flying so I levitate myself off the ground and with my hands outstretched I phase right through the wall and into the air outside. I manage to stay airborn and count to three before the dream stops.

Tornado
I am outside with my father, on the way back to our home. We're already very close, just about 100 meters away from it. We see my mother for some reason doing something in an empty store, placing science equipment onto the counter in front of the window. My father says something which makes me suspicious that they might be gifting me the store as a workspace. While advancing closer to our home, I start debating in my mind if this could actually happen, which is quickly interrupted by my father telling me to look somewhere.

I look where he looks and we see a very, very dark cloud with lots of lightning. At first, we were both happy about this, but then, we suddenly see a very quick tornado zoom by, seemingly in random, chaotic patterns. We try to go back to my mother, but we apparently overshoot the target and end up in a shopping district about 600 meters from our home. I notice this and tell my father, so we turn around and again try to get to her. We go back a bit, then turn around again, before then again turning around. I asked my father which store she was in again, as I had forgotten because of my bad memory. My father said he doesn't know and we walk towards the house again. We then overshoot the target once again and end up in what was apparently a room in our flat. We're then suddenly at ground level in the house again, standing in front of the staircase to the higher floors and my father states something along the lines that we can't go outside again. I also knew it was too late to try to warn my mother.

A while later, my mother comes through the door, seemingly not having noticed the storm, nor the tornado. I come to my mother, suddenly standing a bit further outside, and tell her that there was a tornado here, before seeing it zoom by again, making me correct myself and making me point to it. She sarcastically states that that's absolutely amazing and we go inside.

Sudden (semi-)lucidity
I am standing in the bathroom, my mother ominously standing in the back of the room, behind the toilet. She seems to look up outside the skylight. She appears to say something which I don't remember but was just as creepy as the way that she was standing there. Suddenly, I become (semi-?)lucid and run over to my room right next to the bathroom. I pushed my chair to my computer table, before trying to change random things on my face to see if I could do it. It didn't work, and I tried remembering lucid dreaming articles about dream control. I then recalled you could, for example, drink something and imagine it was a potion that would change something. I felt a bit afraid of that because I wasn't entirely sure if this really was a dream. On my computer, a DreamViews page was opened, but before I could check it out, I woke up.

Short false awakening
I "woke up", looking outside the window to the clouds. Something felt unusual, but I don't know what.

Staircase
I am on the staircase to my home. There're some changes, and it resembles an older dream from the design. I walk up the narrow staircase, having to go through strange doors leading to homes, as well as things like hospitals. The first room I had gone through was empty and had no people in it, the second had a doctor talking through a procedure with the son of a woman who seemed to be a neighbor in the previous version of the dream. I listened to the conversation a bit, before trying to exit the room to continue up the stairs. I woke up before I could continue walking.

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I'm not sure if the presumably lucid dream was actually that or just something else that I could mix up in retrospect. I seemed to be consciously in the dream, but I somehow didn't even think too much about anything else than what I had programmed into myself as what I first want to try to get a feel for lucid dreams, I didn't really think. Is that what a semi-lucid dream is?

I have stood out of my body and started to walk through my dark house. It was empty. I went to balcony, directly through the closed doors. There I levitated up on the railing. And then I jumped to fly away- I started to fall and somehow I returned back to the balcony. Standing on the railing I concentrated and jumped again. And I flew through the night. Everything was dark, yet I saw everything clearly. I was looking for somebody, anybody- to no avail the village was completely empty. I was walking from house to house disregarding walls. Nobody there. I decided to look for my friend, but got somehow lost in surrounding I didn't (and don't) recognize. A few times I felt to be sucked back to my body but I resisted that force. I didn't want to return so soon. I was walking through nature for subjective hours till I lost consciousness and asleep.

Remarks-
It was quite dull OBE, yet I like it even so, therefore I tried to stay there.
I'm getting lost into unknown environment quite often.
I need to train concentration much more.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I pass through a small secondhand fair. One lady is annoyingly wanting me to buy a book collection from her. I get away and enter a war game simulation area. But it turns real pretty quickly, as soon as I realize the bullets shot are real ammunition. I pick a gun from a guy on the ground, presumably dead and I go upstream along a river. End up in a garden with people dancing. No war here. But I was followed by a guy that threatens everybody with a grenade. He arms it and throws it at me. I try that trick from the movies, of kicking it away. But then Rinpoche comes out of nowhere once again, catches it and after throwing me a defying look, throws it back at me. I feel like "Whaaaat?" and panic a little bit. But almost immediately realize, with my absolute trust in my guru, that this grenade represents no danger and that I can do whatever with it. So I hold it in my hands and try to turn it into a lotus flower. Unfortunately all I succeed in doing is turning it into sort of a flower made of rags. I feel disappointed, but then Rinpoche approaches me and turns these rags into a tent and invites me to step inside it with him.

With my parents having vacations in Brazil. We go to some festival which is in a semi rural and forested area in the outskirts of a little town. Soon after we arrived, we start seeing smoke from distant fires in the forest. We discuss how it might get dark sooner because of it. But we think we're safe. It seems very distant.
I see banners from locals supporting Bolsonaro and I feel angry. I make a nasty comment and some man hears and he's not happy. I tell him that I love Brazil and its people, but I just can't accept that man they chose for president. Later we're walking through a street with restaurants and I spot some curtains of a place, on fire. Then look around and also see some vegetation on fire. As I raise the alarm, we notice there are fires spreading a bit everywhere, from sparks coming through the air from far away. We decide to grab our things and leave this area before it gets serious. But general panic ensues and to make things worse, as we head to the car in the parking lot at the entrance of the venue, there are landslides and large boulders falling onto the road we're taking and people are getting blocked. For a while I lose my parents in the crowd, but soon after my mom appears. As we find a safe way out, she complains about the things I chose to bring on our backpack and I don't get why she is commenting that until I realize we can't go back to our tent to get most of our stuff that we left behind and I feel awful for that.

2019, 08-21

Regular Dream - Semi-lucid Dream - Lucid Dream - Notes

The End of Torture

I am in a dark place, I am spontaneously lucid. It looks like a dungeon dimly lit by torches. I follow a stone passage to a lit room at the end. I see a table with nails sticking up from it and a naked woman tied to it on her back. A man is straddling her, clearly relishing the pain it causes when he pushes her body into the nails. Three more men are standing around the table laughing. I walk into the room and tell them to release the woman immediately, calling the men sick monsters. They laugh at me, one says I’m next, just be patient. Another asks who I am. I say I’m their worst nightmare. I change my right arm into an Alex Mercer style blade. That freaks them out. Two try to fight, the other two run. I cut them all down, they seem more like demons than men to me. I then cut the woman free. She is crying. I manifest a robe to put around her and I focus healing energy on her wounds.

The scene around me shifts, now I’m in a hot desert. The woman I rescued is still with me. There is a naked man tied out in the sun. He looks badly sunburned. Two more men are sitting under an umbrella drinking something. One gets up and walks to a berry bush on the other side of the tied man, deliberately stepping on him then going, “Oh, sorry! I didn’t see you there. Is it hot enough for you?” He laughed as he picked some berries then stepped on the man again on his way back. The tied man says he will tell the others anything they want to know. One of the others laughs and says they don’t want information, they just want to watch him die, nice and slow. I still have my Alex Mercer blade formed, so when one of the men looks over at me he first asks what the fuck am I, then he pulls a sword and both he and the other attack. I cut them down easily. I free the prisoner, give him a robe to cover with and use healing energy on his wounds.

The scene shifts again. The two people I have rescued are still with me. Now I see three men and two woman standing around a naked man tied to a spit and being roasted alive over a fire! There is a pan below the man that is collecting some kind of drippings, and one of the women laughs as she spoons the bubbling liquid over the man. What is with these sick people?! I give the sadists one chance to release the man peacefully and when they just laugh at me I quickly put an end to them and free the prisoner, giving him another robe and healing. My Alex Mercer blade is dripping with gore, I am a bit grossed out so I unform the blade. I am hoping not to need it again.

The next scene is with a naked woman tied up and seated on the pointed end of a triangular shaped bench thing, it looks very uncomfortable. The triangular tip is lined with rather long and rusty nails. There are weights tied to the woman’s ankles to increase the force pulling her down on those nails. A man dressed like a Stormcloak soldier is watching with rapt attention, drinking in the woman’s pain. When I give him his one chance to release the woman he gets mad and yells at me, saying he knows Ulfric wouldn’t approve but he doesn’t give a shit, this fort is his! This bitch refused to follow orders so now she pays the price! And if I try to snitch then I’ll be next! Since this seems to be a Skyrim world I fus the asshole. FUS-RO-DAH! He flies across the courtyard and hits a wall. The man looks shocked. He said there’s no way I could be the Dragonborn… the Dragonborn would never be such a wimp… When he attacks I incinerate him into a pile of ash with the fire breath shout… YOL-TOOR-SHUL! I free and heal the woman and give her a robe. There are now two men and two women that I have rescued. The scene shifts again, but then I wake up.

I was at my town hanging with my friend, then something pops in my head and i realize it's a dream, i go running to my grandmother's house and grab a biscuit. I take i bite out of it but it doesn't have any flavour, so i leave it.
I go out and try summoning a sword (I never knew how to do it), and when i turned around, there it was, but i was too anxious i left it there without almost even looking at it. Then i try to summon a friend of mine, but she escapes in a spider-man suit. (wtf) I know there was something after this, but i can't quite remember.

EXT. BORDER CROSSING - DAY FOR NIGHT

I'm traversing the little-known border between the eastern U.S. and Russia. In the distance I see Tsarist architecture with two statues of angels in a courtyard. Between the angels stands a statue I think might be Lenin with his standard outstretched arm, but I'm not quite close enough to make it out. Then I notice yellow traffic turtles on the pavement and other barriers and fear I may have strayed onto Russian territory without crossing the border legally, so I beat a hasty retreat.

Walking down a corridor I become lucid, close my eyes and ask to see the Lenin statue up close but nothing happens.

For this dream I tried to transform into a female friend of mine.

I was in a house that was not familiar. It was almost like a log cabin. Something ticked in my brain and I did a reality check. I made my way to the bathroom, and saw myself in the mirror. I thought of my lucid goal then went for it. I reached for the sink put some water in my hand then proclaimed "this magic potion will transform me into x". I saw and felt myself shrink down into her. It was a fairly fast process, that felt like a tingling. I shrank 10 inches in height, and lost 70 pounds. My clothing shifted into her black t-shirt and black jeans. I was my friend clothing and all in the mirror. I felt the weight of the long black shoulder blade length hair on my head. I felt the weight of having breasts on my chest. I then said to myself "whoah I am x"! Then I kept saying stuff in her voice which amused me. I decided I would walk around a bit, It felt so bizarre I had her hip sway and wiggle. I also had the the distinct feeling of having a really tight pair of panties on that cupped my crotch and undercarriage in a way that I never thought possible. It was almost like phantom limb between my legs. I walked around the house a bit then went outside, it was really bright and sunny. I walked down a sidewalk for a bit then woke up.