non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP Visiting the location of some teachings I am attending, I am amazed by the architecture and decor of the place, the temple, the gardens. I am helping out and looking for a mop to clean something when I stumble across Em. She takes me to her own apartment to get me a mop and says she is also tidying it up. And it really needs, it looks like a hoarder's house. She claims it's her mother who likes to have stuff covering every surface. I find that odd, from what I know about her, but say it's the same with me and my mom, except we don't want to, it just happens. Our teacher is on-site and welcoming small groups for personalized conversations and teachings in a large reception hall. He is receiving a group which I join in by mistake and they are talking about Jesus and calling themselves a church, it all sounds satirical yet they are truly commited to the part. I have no clue what they are up to, but not my business, so I leave. I am then invited to join a larger group who is having some kind of reception with food and drinks. We sit at a large U shaped table that goes around a U shaped corridor. Food starts being served and I ask if this is dinner, they say no and then I reply we will be full and not need dinner later. I meet some nice people and one guy is recording snips and bits of the event and makes a short clip with me, which distracts me for like 10 minutes, enough for all the food to disappear. They suggest I go directly to the kitchen and ask for more, but the only tray they still have is taken to another group and there is nothing left. I realize I am so hungry and can't wait until the next meal. I almost have a meltdown because of it. Some guy and girl invite me to go out and look for some café or other place to eat and I join them. The location feels like some European city with modern buildings. I feel Berlin vibes but it actually looks more like London. We are at some terraced passageway and then we need to go down some stairs to reach the main street where there is the subway and they are asking me where I am staying and where would be more convenient to go and I have no idea. They ask east or west and I mention vaguely an area but my mind is blurry. Then for some reason I decide to not go with them anymore and we separate. I then spot two ginger cats sleeping in the street, their backs against a wall, and I approach to see if they're ok. Apparently so and anyway I can't take them with me, so I leave them be. Then it gets blurry again but I am with a group of 2-3 people in a room and they aren't friendly to me and are menacing somehow, so I leave and try to lock the door behind me. I can't, so I start zigzagging through rooms and realize I am in some kind of the Backrooms, as each room has 3-4 doors only leading to another room and so on. Some are empty, some look like normal rooms in a home. I start becoming lucid and think of what to do next. Not sure, have no plan, but I spot a door that opens to an absolute pitch darkness and I decide to jump through it as a portal and see where I land. Doesn't go as planned. I just enter a darker and most dangerous area of the Backrooms, filled with monsters. First I stumble from room to room in the darkness, finding some hints of a faded light here and there showing a door or some furniture against a wall. Then I came across the first monster. It looks a bit like Venom, shiny black slim body and a big head with sharp teeth. He just appears out of nowhere and falls on me. I just have time to grab his head away from mine and we fight on the floor. I try several hooks to keep him imobilized as I try to find a weakness to hurt him. Eventually I manage to grab some object and slam it into his head, but it takes a lot of times to knock him down and he bits me a couple times. Then I continue wandering and encounter a metal staircase leading to upper or lower levels. I go up and enter a level that has victorian decor in the hallways and beautiful colored bead curtains hanging over many doors. As soon as I cross one such doors and it makes a distinct sound of beads against each other, some woman with a kid appears running and yelling that I just attracted the creature. The creature is a hollow blue mesh figure, a bit like the other slender figure before, but more hunched and walking on four limbs. The front limbs a bit longer than the back limbs. And the head is very thin, basically a neck ending in a jaw. I don't even know how this creature can hurt, because it looks so frail, but it is scary nonetheless. We run upwards but all the next floors are still in the same style with the same damn curtains. Eventually I enter one such floor any way and allow the creature to follow me throughout the rooms. I then face it and grab its head to find it is indeed frail. I rip apart the head mesh as if it is cardboard and that is it. Then I think I see the kid again, can't tell if he is the same, but must be. I call him closer, I don't see his mother around. He stares at me, doesn't move or say a word. Then he gets closer and I noticed he has a snake like tongue and he is actually preparing to attack me. He is just another monster. He tries to snatch me with his tongue and I just have time to jump to the side and escape him. Turns out the woman was walking on the ceiling like a spider and also throwing her tongue to catch me at the same time. Instead both their tongues get entangled and when she pulls her tongue in she swallows the kid whole. I run away again through rooms and rooms, until I find a new level which looks more like the real world. I hear human voices, but not knowing what it is I hide in a room which looks almost normal, with a bed and sheets and even some light coming from some kind of window. I hide under the bed when I hear the voices approaching. It is two guys and they close the door behind them, looking scared and looking for something to block it. They seem human, so I decide to reveal myself. I don't want to startle them, so I whisper to get their attention. They are still spooked at first, suspicious of me, but they end up trusting I am also human. They say they were being chased by some being who looked like a giant leprechaun with two heads. And either he has two faces on the main head or he can send one of the faces down a tentacle-like arm and generate a second head at the end of his arm. The creature arrives at our door and starts pouncing on it heavily. I help them hold it up, but we know he will eventually break it, so I look around for something again that I can use as a weapon. There is some sharp metal thingy from the bed frame and I grab it. The monster finally blasts the door open and throws us down on the ground, but he doesn't come in right away, instead he peaks with his tentacle head first and I stab it with the sharp metal. The creature leaves in agonizing pain, but I still get to see its whole body and main head and it really looks like a leprechaun with a beard and some dusty brown clothing and a semblance of a hat.
Sorry I haven't been posting. I been having some weird dreams. Here are two of January's dreams. In a dream I think before the following dream. I was in a vertical school. I have no idea what I was doing in there. Anyway for some reason I went into the staff room. I have no idea what happened but I think either a porucipine or a hedgehog came into the staff room via an open window and for some reason started to bite me. I just remember dream-screaming and then I woke up to use the washroom In one dream I had in January. I was something like a captive. Nope, not captive, but a slave? But I wasn't the only captive/slave . All but one of the group of people all looked like the adult versions of kids I went to elementary school with from JK-Gr.8. And we're tasked by our unseen "Master" to paint some murals (murals, that if I remember looked much like famous paintings.. I think something like Birth of Venus? We were up all night and all previous day and I somehow started to fall asleep on the shoulder another captive/slave (I can't remember what he looked like but he wasn't one of the adults version of kids I grew up with) But I do know that I knew it was a bad idea if i slept sleep was bad. The third dream was even werid. But I don't remember much about that dream except, for it involved two women and their heads somehow turned into whatever help people see in submarines. And it also involved a boy whom was wet and a white staircase. And also a festival and I think some kind of doll. I think it had something to do about a flood? At the end of the dream the boy at least "disappeared" into the water
Morning of August 23, 2020. Sunday. Dream #: 19,606-03. Reading time: 2 min 42 sec. There were more kinaesthetic and somatosensory events in this dream than usual. The processes sustained my dreaming experience but resulted in an exaggerated and prolonged sensory focus that was predominant in the unusual narrative. In the first part, my instinctual awareness I am sleeping results in the opening scene being in an unknown bedroom. My conscious self identity mostly remains present throughout my dream. Zsuzsanna and I are going on a trip to another part of town (fictitious location). We are sharing an apartment with an unknown woman. I have to get dressed, but it is too difficult. My pants will not go up over my hips. I am annoyed by the irritating sensations. (This sometimes happens when I sleep with a heavy blanket.) Even so, the scenario eventually changes, and Zsuzsanna and I are walking along a dirt road. There is an exhibition in an unfamiliar region. Zsuzsanna introduces me to an unknown male named Chris. She supposedly knew him when she was younger and living in Nimbin (though that is impossible, as he is only about twenty years old). An unknown man takes a picture of Zsuzsanna, saying how beautiful she is and acting as if she is on her own and available. I take his camera and smash it, noticing that there is a roll of film inside with images of people. I am unsure if he will still be able to develop it, but I mangle the camera as much as possible and throw it on the floor. (This situation was influenced by a scene from “King Kong” I had seen a small part of last night. It is the scene where Carl discovers his destroyed camera. The only difference is that, in my dream, I could see transparent individual images in the film.) Somatosensory dynamics cause me to focus on my hands. I have a silver ring that used to be tight on my finger, but now it is far too big to stay on it. I move it around over my finger and tell others about the situation. It seems I am shrinking, or at least my hand is. Zsuzsanna and I are going to leave. I start to walk down a staircase on my own and (as is typical in dreams) imaginary kinaesthesia becomes predominant. The steps are individual stacked storage boxes, and some below me fall to the ground as I remain on the higher section. Other people cannot get down either. I consider that some people below can put the steps back, but they walk off. A woman at a counter in the building tells me I can turn and go to another area. I teleport to the back of the building by going under the large gap in the lower section. There are many people around. I soon teleport back and jump to the ground. I tell the woman at the counter (from outside the entrance, though the setting is ambiguous) that the staircase is illegal (because of being unsafe for the public). She cheerfully tells me that she knows it is obviously against the law but that it is only a temporary setup for the exhibition. Zsuzsanna and I and our youngest daughter are walking home. An enormous vehicle approaches from the opposite direction, and we go to the side of the street. However, the machine is so big it is over most of the area. The bottom of the long truck is over ten feet above us. It seems to be a street-building and maintenance device that pours the asphalt as it travels as well as smooths out the surface and performs other tasks. The driver is aware of us at one point and swerves slightly, but we still cannot get past and cannot continue safely either. There is a high-set chain-link fence on our left that prevents us from going another way. Despite the gigantic size of the vehicle, I push on its wheels and slide it away from us as if it weighed hardly anything (though I am aware of some weight and momentum).
Morning of November 13, 2019. Wednesday. Dream #: 19,322-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min 30 sec. The gradual emergence of my instinctual self from slow-wave sleep into REM sleep carries the subliminal goal to achieve consciousness to get up to use the bathroom. My real-life identity is absent. The urge is not that pressing, so my dream self remains distracted within an imaginary realm, requiring considerable preconscious effort to arouse me from sleep due to warm weather. I had been swimming underwater in an unknown resort hotel to find a bathroom. During this time, an unfamiliar male is also in the underwater hall, swimming several feet behind me. Soon, a big catfish (though not much bigger than me) appears and eats the other male after bumping into him several times. I manage to get into the underwater bathroom and close the door behind me. I consider it might be better to use a different bathroom as I am uncertain if the toilet works. My dream self passively integrates with the precursory form of wall mediation (that modulates dream sleep into the waking process). The catfish is still outside the bathroom. It tries to eat me and keeps bumping into the door when I have it halfway open as well as striking my body. After a few minutes of battling the catfish, I swim out into the hall, and the catfish simultaneously swims into the bathroom, signifying escaping illusion to achieve wakefulness. I trap it inside by closing the door. My emerging proprioception (and vestibular system correlation) atypically decreases in the next scene (again, due to the warm weather), similar to the dynamics of a false awakening, where I typically tell someone about my previous dreaming experience, though it is part of the same dream in this case. While upstairs, I see several members of the public present in the lobby that is not underwater. I tell a male tourist (who is sitting on a couch) about the incident, as I do not see a hotel employee, though one soon arrives. He is unfamiliar and about thirty. I tell him in detail about the big catfish eating the other man. However, there is some uncertainty if the body would still be whole or if he would be in pieces, as I recall the catfish was not much bigger than me. I become aware of the existence of my youngest son as a thread of my real identity emerges as I grow closer to wakefulness. My dream’s fictitious backstory now includes my son being at the resort with me, and we both need to find a bathroom. However, I start to lose my sense of self by falling back into passive dream meandering, which results in the preconscious pulling me back into the waking process by creating a post-Naiad simulacrum to increase proprioception again. I realize, as the room grows darker and with decreasing detail with my dulling senses, I had been holding onto something with my right hand and cannot go any farther (or return to slow-wave sleep). It turns out to be the yellow elastic belt of an unfamiliar girl standing at the bottom of a staircase. (Yellow is the color that correlates with emerging consciousness because of its brightness and association with sunrise.) I walk back several feet as my dream vivifies as I once again grow closer to wakefulness. I look at the coil (vestibular system autosymbolism, specifically the cochlea) that covers the palm of my hand, though this is illogical as it implies her belt had an unrealistic amount of slack near the buckle. I apologize to her, making an unlikely excuse that I thought it was the baluster of the staircase I had been holding yet while continuing to walk. She remains cheerful. The stairs are my instinctual cue to wake (though I often use stairs to vivify a dream).
Morning of November 9, 2019. Saturday. Dream #: 19,318-02. Reading time (optimized): 2 min 30 sec. In this dream, my waking-life identity is partly present. I recall the appearance of the rooms in our present house in Australia and remember the current status of Zsuzsanna and our children, but the rooms erroneously appear on the second floor of the King Street mansion in America (where I have not been since 1994). Zsuzsanna and I are moving a bed and couch back to make more space in the lounge room. I look east out the window over 10th Street and recall my landlady had died, so I consider we will not need to pay the rent we owe. Still, I am uncertain of the status of the house and who else lives here at this time. I falsely recall Leonard S is now living west of the house, about five blocks away. I go out into the hall, wondering if a college student “still” lives across from us. I accidentally bump a switch that turns a radio on. It is attached to the wall that faces the kitchen entrance and is somewhat like a thermostat. I hear static and part of a news announcement, but it is unclear. I try turning it off, but it remains on, so I try again, as I might have moved the wrong slide switch. I look out through a front window and see there is no porch downstairs, which I consider unusual and wonder when they removed it. I walk down the staircase and see the foyer area is different. It is all open now. Walking outside, I see Leonard S standing on a walkway between two deep culverts (a fictitious feature). There is a small tree with an unusual, curved trunk in each of them. They lean towards each other and resemble normal-sized bonsai trees. Their height matches the depth of the culverts. I wave at Leonard with my left hand. “How are ya?” I cheerfully ask. I consider it would be pleasant for him to meet my family for the first time. “What happened here?” I ask him as I point at the culverts. He does not replay. I look around and notice most of the first floor of the house is missing on the left side. It is held up by only a few timbers. I can see the underside of the floor of where I live with my family when I look up and become concerned. I did not expect this. “Looks like this will be my last day here,” I tell Leonard. He does not speak the whole time. I turn and walk back up the stairs. (It is fictitiously direct from the front entrance, without a landing.) I now notice most of the risers are missing, and other parts look splintered and broken. I consider we will have to move soon and wonder how we will get all the furniture out. I wake while halfway up the steps, even though my dream is vivifying (due to vestibular system correlation). I have written this many times, but after over 50 years, I continue to be fascinated by the incredible ways dreams scramble memory while simultaneously creating a false narrative yet while also correlating with dreaming and waking processes, often, as here, structured around vestibular system correlation and imaginary proprioception as a result of emerging awareness of physicality in waking, the main factor of dream content. Leonard is this dream’s vestibular witness. As well as my use of the staircase for proprioception and vestibular system correlation (the most common way I instinctually modulate this process), the culverts are also a factor. The two unusual trees in the culverts represent Zsuzsanna and me sleeping, so there is also evidence Leonard signifies transpersonal communication between Zsuzsanna and me as we sleep, especially as I consider them meeting.
non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening It's night, the light in my garage turns on and I take a peak through the window. I see a guy inside my fence, by the gate near the pine tree. I can tell he is Asian and is wearing sunglasses, which is bizarre. I knock on the window and make a face like " hey, what are you doing here?" and he runs away, exiting through the gate. I get out and go after him. As soon as I turn on the road after my house to follow him, there is a building and he goes up a central staircase, many stories high. I look up to spot him but soon I lose him because there are many other people going up and down. At my mom's. She is in the bathroom and I am in my old bedroom. I feel an itch on my legs and realize I have a few infected pores. As I watch it closely, more and more pores are getting weird, purplish, engorging, becoming furuncules. They grow so large, they become like mushrooms. I pop some of them. It is disgusting. [COLOR="#FF0000"]But I realize I am dreaming. So just for fun, I turn the mushroom furuncules into flowers. At first it is not so easy to do it, but once I get the gist, I enjoy a wave of all types of flowers in all the colors of the rainbow, sprouting through my skin and blossoming and then giving way to other flowers. It is ticklish, I really feel them bursting out and growing, it is a strange and wonderful sensation. Also it is so incredibly beautiful to watch. As a final touch, I look to the palms of my hands and visualize a lotus flower blossoming in each of them. They do appear, one white lotus in each hand, first the leafs, then the flowers opening. Then I feel so light and glowy and I naturally start floating. I want to cross the wall and fly away but my mom calls for me and I turn back, because I don't want to scare her, even if it's in a dream. On the hallway I find my friend Belchior instead of my mom. He smiles at me, doesn't say a word and I realize there is nothing keeping me here. I keep floating on air and I feel like I am expanding in size. The ceiling can't contain me. I cross through the wall and ceiling and I am floating outside. Not like flying with effort or conscientiously, just standing weightless in the air. I can see my feet. Then I see a golden throne set up in the middle of the street in front of my mom's building. I float towards it and notice a golden Buddha statue which I touch and then I am inside four walls. It is an all white and gold room, marble floors and walls, rich golden curtains and sofas and beautiful big Buddha statues everywhere, in gold or white stone, in Tibetan, Thai and other styles. There is a panoramic window to a garden outside and passageways to other rooms. An Asian man comes in in servants clothing and welcomes me. Then a few ladies also appear, with foods to serve or just offering their services. I am a bit overwhelmed and then two beautiful cats come strutting in my direction. This feels like heave and I feel that I could stay here forever and just be pampered. But why and for what? Then I wonder where this servants come from? Do they have a life and a family? Why do they work for me? Do they suffer? I can't accept having servants. I could not enjoy paradise. I go outside to the garden. There is a glass wall separating it from some corridors that go around it and where normal people are circulating and going somewhere. I spot a girl I seem to know and I have a dejá vu. I feel like I have been here before and have seen that girl before in that exact place, but in a somewhat different situation, one in which I was her equal. But now I am separated by a wall, in a garden with waterfalls and she looks lonely and sad. I do something that breaks the separation and now they all can see me and come inside the garden. I try to talk to the girl, but it becomes quite chaotic with people talking in groups, mingling and hanging out. There is one one dude going around imitating a cow mooing. At some nice Portuguese town, on a break from some professional training I am attending but which I do not care about at all. The lady that usually assists me at the parish council, sees me and comes talk to me about how good this training is and professional opportunities that might arise from it and I'm like "oh c'mon, I dont give a shit about it and I am not even staying 'till the end". She is a bit shocked. I go to the next door, which is a clinic of sorts and check their vending machine at the entrance for some snacks. Also at the entrance are a few patients freaking out because the electronic system that registers the patients is down and they can't get to their appointment. I calm them down and I feel compassion for them and somehow I create the conditions for the system to be fixed. Then outside again I see Rinpoche coming down the street with the usual entourage and I bow down as he passes by. He enters the next door and some people enter after him and close it behind, while others stay outside guarding the entrance. I feel bold and uninhibited and I say to them I'd like to go in. They say definitely no and then they also go inside and shut the door again. So I put my hand through the door and I hear them freaking out. They still don't open. So I just cut out a hole on the door with my fingers so I can look inside. Rinpoche is in another room deeper inside. I finally manage to go inside so they let me sit at a desk alongside other people waiting for a chance to meet Rinpoche.
non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening At a mall, looking for elevator to go to -1 floor. Can't find it, but the stairs are full of people, so I climb down through the staircase center. I spot a very hot guy on the stairs and I catcall him. Then on -1 floor I meet some friends at the cinema entrance. But we are not going to the movies. We then head to some other staircase going down and we jump through its middle to enter a magical dimension and we keep on falling through many floors, until we land on a room where a secret meeting is happening. We are invisible and are there to spy. We make a little noise and a lady looking like Prof McGonagall slowly walks towards us to check what's up. But we have an insider who distracts her by storming the room from another direction. She also discreetly points us who tells us which corridor we should go through to continue our mission.
I am at a castle on a hill. The hill is small yet steep and very green. The castle is also rather small yet still imposing and impressive. It is in two parts, with a pool between the two. The pool actually looks more like turquoise ocean water gently lapping up against a thin strip of sugar-fine white sand. I think that someone lives here as I look up to a window in the dark brown stone. I imagine looking out the window as the person that has to live in this place that seems so secluded without all the tourists that visit. I think I (and Makayla?) might be staying here. I’m in the pool now, and it seems more like a regular in ground swimming pool. There is also a circular hot tub that looks just big enough for literally one person to sit in. I think about going in it, but am not sure because of how small it is. I am walking through what seems to be an outdoor shopping center. The buildings are sort of laid out awkwardly and at weird angles in relation to one another, and this is not helped by the trees all around as well as all the cars, parking spots, and people walking around. It also seems to be on a slight hill. I am looking for a certain bookstore and think I have spotted it, the building furthest from me, tucked in amongst some trees and other stores. I walk up to it, but stop and set my huge Forever 21 bag on the sidewalk. I also take off my small backpack and put it into the bag, not wanting them to think I’m going to steal when I go in. I then realize I don’t want to just leave them out here, so I leave the backpack in the bag and carry it in. Inside, this place looks more like a house. I notice a large staircase to my left. It all seems to be decorated for Christmas. There is also some sort of (Girl Scout?) event going on; there is a sign in sheet on a long end table (the one at Mom’s?). I see Mom at the far end of the long room. I am on a pretty full school bus. I think we are stopped and about to disembark. There is some guy with foreign currency, and I see another guy calling me about it (like I’m at work). I find it humorous that he’s trying to call when I’m right here, but then announce myself and say I’ll check it out. I grab the little maroon drawstring bag. It feels like it contains coins as well as paper bills. I have no idea how I’d check a coin, and I’m not even sure how to verify if this foreign money is real or not. I’m not even sure what it is or where it’s from. The bill is about two times the size of a credit card and feels somewhere between paper and a credit card. It is an off white and has different numbers all over it. I check another one, and it has a few words on it that are indented (I feel it first). One word is ‘receipt’ and the others must say when it was purchased. I get the idea to go up to him (he looks familiar) and ask how he got these, holding my finger slyly over the ‘receipt’ part. I ask if he bought them with another currency, hoping that will just validate that these are real. He says almost what I want to hear, but it’s good enough.
Morning of January 17, 2019. Thursday. Dream #: 19,022-02. Reading time: 1 min 50 sec. An unclear backstory forms as I become vaguely aware of my imaginary dream state existence. Zsuzsanna is with me. We go into the house that was south of my Cubitis home. Unfamiliar people are presently moving into that house. Lisa had moved out recently, but there is no legitimate focus on her or our past. Zsuzsanna and I walk around inside the house. Walking through all the rooms (even though this is an imposition, as the others are moving in), we eventually come to a doorway that leads to the outdoor staircase that comes out from the north side of the northeast corner of the house. I dwell on focusing on the backyard of my Cubitis home. It seems to be the afternoon. I am cheerful and consider that I have not ever looked at my home from this specific viewpoint, at least in a very long time, that is, from the top of the stairs of the neighbors’ house. I continue to feel a sense of well-being and soon wake. Valid threads: This dream’s only correct thread is that my infra-self maintains a realization of my marriage to Zsuzsanna. Invalid or missing threads: I have no threads of recall of where Zsuzsanna and I ever lived since my time in Australia and no discernment of the fact that she has never been to America. Lisa’s house in my dream was nothing like it was in waking life and she and her parents moved in 1975, three years before I moved to Wisconsin. It was only one story and had no staircase (though a staircase represents the opportunity to vivify the dream or return to sleep or to initiate conscious awareness of the dream state). I also have no recall that she had a younger sister (though this recall is almost always missing). Dreaming and waking processes: [inherited transitional vestibular system correlation] Curiously, I act as if I am functionally aware I am dreaming by maintaining the staircase factor and even focusing on the nuances, yet I am not lucid. (I call this “faux lucidity.”) I do not descend the stairs, and as a result, my dream does not vivify or continue with consciousness integration. The King Street mansion is typically used for this (often deliberately when I am already semi-aware), though in rare cases, Rose Street is. (I have not lived there since I was six years of age. It is when I first used staircase reinduction). Today, on Twitter, another poster had a dream with identical processes (and intent) with a slightly different outcome: (LINK). Experiencing the same autosymbolic dream state processes as other posters (especially on Twitter) happens continuously, but I do not usually point it out, especially when it is such a common factor as in this case.
Updated 01-18-2019 at 04:02 AM by 1390
Morning of December 19, 2018. Wednesday. Dream #: 18,993-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min. Readability score: 61. My imaginary dream self, in subliminal mode, minus waking life identity without a viable link to my unconscious mind, is placed on the second floor of a new version of the King Street mansion in La Crosse, the city where I have not been since February 1994. The fictitious situation implies that I am living in the northeast room, the room with the turret windows. I find an Australian 50-dollar bill in my wallet. Seeing it does not activate realization of my conscious self identity or my real-life status of living in Australia. Instead, I cheerfully think of giving it to my landlady (without realizing that it is not American money) as a partial payment for overdue rent. There is a thought that I already have enough food, so can pay her. These thoughts are ambiguous, and they almost activate my conscious self identity but are not viable. (This fictitious situation is a result of the typical subliminal offset of vestibular system correlation, one of my “crucial three” dream state processes occurring every sleep cycle, to reinduce my conscious self identity and physicality. A wallet is an emerging consciousness thread that links the fictitious dream self to waking life identity.) Not of a liminal mode, I still subliminally create a vestibular system precursor to enhance my dream’s vividness. I begin to descend the stairs. The landing (midway between first floor and second floor) is missing. I see Von Helton (this dream’s vestibular system simulacrum), the Internet conspiracy theorist, in the area where the bottom stairs would have otherwise been to join the landing in the opposite direction from the top flight. “Hello, Von!” I call out cheerfully. “How’ve you been?” “Not good,” he replies, with no emotion, as I descend the stairs. I smoothly jump off the last step of the top stairs, to where the landing would have otherwise been, safely falling to the first floor, and I enter a higher level of dream state awareness, as I had subliminally anticipated. “Have you seen Richard?” I ask him. (Richard was a recovering alcoholic who lived on King Street years ago. I last saw Richard long before I ever heard of Von Helton.) Von does not reply. A preconscious simulacrum activates in a doorway at this point as an unknown dark-haired woman of about thirty. (The emerging consciousness threads are still subliminal at this point, despite the manifestation of the preconscious in a doorway.) “Have you seen Mrs. W____?” I ask her, referring to my landlady. Even though the title and surname are correct, I feel very puzzled, as if I said something incorrect, but the woman leads me into the living room. I walk into the empty setting as the preconscious simulacrum vivifies my dream with the doorway factor. I get the feeling that it is late morning. On my right is a doorway into a big empty room (that was not there in reality) as I walk through the living room. It seems the landlady is moving from the mansion and this may be her last day here. She is standing cheerfully on the other side of the living room. I hand her the 50-dollar bill, expecting she will write a receipt, though her desk is not present. She is happy to see me. “That is a big room,” I say about the one I passed. “Oh, but it fills up quickly,” she comments. I am concerned about my living arrangements as well as what will become of my stored belongings in another part of the house, but it seems that I will still be living here, as her nephew (unknown character) will supposedly be running things and taking rent payments from whatever new tenants arrive. I get the impression, from imaginary photographs in my thoughts, that he was a German who fought in World War II even though I also perceive him as about 20 years old. He will be strict and expecting reasonable tenants, and my landlady says he will prefer rent in advance, but I get the impression she will have it paid for me for the entire upcoming year. It seems very kind and generous of her. The simulacrum radiates more dynamics of the interconsciousness (telepathic) to the point where I become aware of Zsuzsanna’s love for me though not in a direct sense of identity. Her face is very close to mine, radiating universality and bliss as a precursor to waking coalescence. I still do not viably realize who I am until I wake.
Morning of November 23, 2018. Friday. Dream #: 18,967-04. Reading time: 2 min 52 sec. Readability score: 59. King Street boarding house in La Crosse in late morning. (Irrelevant to waking life since 1990). I may have descended the imaginary staircase (though I do not have the memory of it) to sustain and vivify my dream. I am at the bottom of the staircase from the second floor, where there is the fictitious feature of an L-shaped foyer where I remain until my dream ends. My landlady comes in from her kitchen and tells me to mop the floor in this area. The mop bucket is to my left. The mop is next to it. I do not use any water. I guide the mop over the floor and soon see a C-shaped clump of dust that it gathers and consider if I should tell the landlady that I should sweep the floor first. Soon, I see several Kinder Surprise toys on the floor, one of them a small penguin figure. I move the mop, and they are all in a small cluster. I hear my youngest daughter talking from upstairs, though I do not discern what she is saying. My landlady comes in (again from her kitchen) and asks me if my daughter has eaten yet. I am uncertain but tell her that she may have gotten something on her own. I inform her that I will be taking my daughter “to the north side” (meaning Northside La Crosse, to the Loomis Street house). She seems concerned that my daughter is on her own upstairs and mentions something about having heard of a boy on a CD, who recently died. (This is possibly my infra-self distorting “TV” to prevent a literal waking life translation, as the unconscious mind is not viably accessible in the dream state, contrary to popular misconception.) My dream starts decoding itself a moment before waking. None of our children have ever lived in America, let alone Northside La Crosse (or the King Street mansion on the south side of town either). I do not use the mop bucket, because I subliminally recall that water represents melatonin and potential dream state reinduction (and mopping or cleaning being an inherited biological thread of the glymphatic system, when fluid increases in cells while sleeping). (Because of this, water in the nexus, other than when I am entering or anticipating a return to sleep, never occurs. Despite the presence of the mop bucket and thinking it might be full of water, I never actually look into it and use the mop in its dry condition. Why? Because I am subliminally aware of being in the dream state - non-lucid - and my daughter might need me as perceived by RAS - even though Zsuzsanna is also awake, thus I do not seek to reinduce my sleep cycle.) For many years (even in childhood), I have been trying to determine if there is any consistent cause as to which threads of the current conscious self survive the demolition past the nexus and the transpersonal interconsciousness into non-lucid dream space. The infra-self is focused on the transition through the sleeping, dreaming, and waking space, not real life or from the viewpoint of the conscious self identity as in waking life, which ceases to exist in non-lucid dream space (one of many reasons I wholly dismiss “dream interpretation” in the typical use of the term). My youngest daughter is the sole liminal presence here based on something presently real in my life (though my dream self has no memory of my current address or that we live in Australia even in otherwise having recognition of my daughter). The reason is that she was awake and talking in reality at the time (in the lounge room) and it filtered through the nexus, the only thread that reached my infra-self. The staircase leads down into the (fictitious) L-shaped foyer. A foyer or porch is often a concurrent “bridge” within the nexus in all modes of dream manifestation (subliminal, liminal, and lucid) and RAS (reticular activating system) processes. It is used the same way in hypnosis and meditation. However, a staircase is not just about initiating consciousness in the waking process (or using it to vivify a dream when descending one). It is also about breaking the imaginary physicality of liminal space and becoming aware of the physical body (vestibular system correlation).
Morning of November 18, 2018. Sunday. Dream #: 18,962-02. Reading time: 2 min 42 sec. Readability score: 53. One would think that after over fifty years, the same dreaming and waking processes in the same order and with the same foundational autosymbolism would trigger more viable threads of conscious self identity and recognition beyond subliminal RAS mediation than what occurs at certain stages of the sleep cycle. In this particular case though, my subliminal recognition of the dream state resulted in me resetting it, as had often happened before. My dream was mainly from the influence of a movie, “What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice?” (1969), that Zsuzsanna and I watched last night, despite it being of the typical transition through the nexus, which in this case, is a supposedly hidden room rather than, for example, a porch. The focus revolves around someone I had supposedly killed, a younger male, possibly accidentally. (The backstory, again based on the movie, is unclear). The urban location is unfamiliar and unknown. The person’s remains are under a commercial business building near a corner. I had somehow done this even though I was not involved in the construction of the building. The Sleeper (the “dead” person) transmutes into a cheerful emerging consciousness simulacrum in the last scene before the offset dream, without my dream self finding it unusual. There are many typical scenes of evading the authorities, one of them (the preconscious simulacrum) in particular. The emerging consciousness travels with me after someone finds their remains. The building is already being taken down during this time. (In the movie, the remains were under pine trees.) He (the activated Sleeper aka previously “killed” character) helps me find a secret panel in the wall of a nearby building, in a hall. I first try to phase into the wall (as with many past dreams in subliminal, liminal, and lucid manipulation of the dream state). Instead, a panel opens, and we step into a supposedly hidden area. I reason that going deeper into the area will result in us being less likely to be found as well as being farther from the entrance point (the same “logic” as in hundreds of previous dreams of the same type). (This scenario, naturally becoming the most vivid segment of my dream, replaces the typical porch-as-nexus event, in correlation with enigmatic space as the association between dreaming and waking. It includes “puzzles,” associations with detectives, ambiguity relating to where my real physical body is, and so on. Of course, it is not possible to “hide” from the natural preconscious transition.) However, upon walking into another area, the avatar tells me that “this is his office,” meaning the office of the police sergeant that had been after me. I notice how it looks like an ordinary office and is not hidden from public access on one side, finding it annoying that there is not much prospect for a genuinely hidden room. The police sergeant eventually comes in. I reset my dream, and it becomes a scenario where the police sergeant is the one responsible for the “death.” He is supposedly a vampire, which I tell a few people - and I have film footage to prove it. I then liminally reset my dream into an offset scenario of the typical vestibular system correlation process. I am helping someone, though only at times, who is in a wheelchair, as we descend an unlikely staircase built of various big stones in an outdoor rural area adjacent to a mountain. (In other cases, I am consciously aware of using this process to sustain or vivify a dream.) We have a little trouble, but we cheerfully descend several steps without incident, even though some of them are two to three feet high. He seems to find it amusing and mostly maneuvers his wheelchair on his own. There is no preconscious simulacrum at this point, only the emerging consciousness (as the otherwise typical vestibular system avatar) in the wheelchair. (This stems from both “What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice?” and the new “The Flash” television series, where characters are in wheelchairs without needing to be as a part of their “disguise.”)
Morning of July 16, 2018. Monday. My dream takes place in a new variation of our present home. There is an unknown male present, though I do not perceive him as an intruder. There is an awareness of the Rose Street apartment, which eventually fuses into the setting as our present house is then on the second floor. An unknown male comes up the staircase into our home, and this male, I do see as an intruder. (It is the personification of RAS.) I non-lucidly modulate my dream and force him out. Other people are present for a time. (My perception is not clear due to non-lucidly modulating over RAS before the ultradian rhythm peak, as I went to sleep about an hour later than I usually do.) Before the preconscious avatar leaves my dream, I see him down in an alley, which is reminiscent of where Dennis (older half-brother on my mother’s side) lived in La Crosse years ago. I stay on the second floor at this time. There appears to be someone on their back in the alley, and this causes the preconscious avatar to run off. I am uncertain if it is a person or an arrangement of clothes and boots. I see a couple of other unknown people. “Is there anyone in there,” I ask. I am asking the others if there is someone “inside” the arrangement of clothing. Very curiously, Harriet Madeley (as Scarlett in “Waking David” from 2016), as the interconsciousness avatar, walks into our lounge room from the front door. (I do not become lucid at any point. I only remember the autosymbolic factors and dynamics of the dream state, of which I have often used to non-lucidly control my dream since I was a toddler. However, as I said above, my ultradian rhythm is skewed, altering my potential status of lucidity.) I follow Harriet, who takes on nuances of Zsuzsanna without my dream self being aware of this. We slowly walk down the stairs, which is difficult because each step has boxes and miscellaneous items on it. My dream becomes more and more vivid as I walk down the stairs, about four steps behind her. We are in what seems to be an outside area near the bottom of the stairs. I see what appears to be a corpse. The body is on its back. I associate it with Kristy Bruce (as Amy from “Waking David” - though she did not die in the movie). My dream starts to become more vivid as I gaze at it. Harriet, walking away, cheerfully says something about the corpse’s status and its identity. I do not recall what she said. I consider if it is a real corpse or street art. I wonder if it is papier-mâché. Her face is flat and skull-like, covered with wrinkled yellow skin. There is somewhat of an eerie feeling but no sense of fear. I slowly wake. The movie title “Waking David” had been on my mind (though did not dominate my thoughts), which had produced much of my dream’s autosymbolism. The interconsciousness is probably laughing at me for not perceiving the associations. It is presently very rare for me to use a staircase and not become lucid. I have used this factor in RAS mediation since I was a toddler. The corpse was autosymbolism for both my lack of lucidity and the inactivity of my physical body. The vestibular system correlation of using the staircase as a typical trigger to vivify and sustain the dream state was not as focused as it usually is, which was represented by the clutter on the steps. Factors of lucidity mainly stem from ultradian rhythm. (This is apparently why the WBTB method works for some who need to “attempt” to become lucid). I do not use so-called reality checks, as it biologically corrupts the purpose of the reticular formation and my dream self is not my conscious self identity. Additionally, it stabilizes my dream where I then think I am awake, so it does not work for me. The hand trick does not work either. If I suspect I am dreaming, my hands become more realistic and tangible, the opposite of what others claim. Readability score: 68. Correctness of writing: 100. Intellectual value: 75.
Morning of June 18, 2018. Monday. Subliminal awareness of the autosymbolic nature of the waking process begins. My unconscious mind is personified as an unknown female despite the fact my non-lucid dream self does not possess viable access to my unconscious mind at this level of REM sleep. Errors and distortions abound. She is a subliminal thread of my wife Zsuzsanna, of which my non-lucid dream self does not yet possess viable memory of or contact with my current conscious self identity. She has a daughter who literally but subliminally represents our oldest daughter at a younger age. I am sitting on the floor in a unique erroneous version of the King Street mansion. The house is mirror imaged to its real-life layout, flipped east to west. I am in the downstairs antechamber while the female mostly remains in the living room on the other side of the doorway. She seems annoyed in building a small structure on the floor in about the middle of the living room, mainly from a set of small blocks of different solid colors, mostly blue, yellow, red, and green. They are about the size of baby blocks, but with a feature on all six sides that is like the knobs of a Lego brick, though there are four knobs on each side of each cube in a two by two pattern. A couple times, as the blocks do not fit into each other, stacks of about seven high topple over. There is a row of about eight stacks at various heights. (This is autosymbolism for failure to initiate viable conscious awareness.) I am puzzled and somewhat annoyed, though not angry, in trying to rebuild the staircase that goes to the second floor (where I had lived in real life though not been since 1990), which supposedly is to be the real staircase. This is an extreme failure of thinking skills as I am solely working with small triangular pieces of wood. The pieces are only about two inches thick. The two stacks I had made this far are only about six inches high in two rows of about eight pieces each. I cannot seem to arrange the pieces in the correct orientation regarding which edge should face upward. I have several together, but they do not display the form of a set of steps. This indicates that my subconscious self is having difficulty in reaching my conscious self identity during the waking process. Subliminal anticipation of the waking process continues but increases. This is after the subliminal recognition of a staircase being autosymbolism for the waking process despite its miniaturization in a setting that represents the liminal space of the process, the antechamber (what my landlady called a “vestibule” in real life). Vestibular system correlation personifies, which causes my dream to jump to a new setting, though in the same King Street mansion, still mirrored east to west. I find myself on the second floor. I develop an ambiguous awareness where I start to become partly aware of my married status and erroneously perceive the house, though vaguely, as the Stadcor Street house in Brisbane (where we have not lived in years), though that was only a one-storey house and was nothing like the King Street house. Vestibular system correlation personifies as Glenn, one of our landlords from Stadcor Street. He has never lived in America, but my dream self does not consider this error. I have a vague awareness he is married to my landlady (only vaguely recalled as Zsuzsanna at this point, but this does not trigger the realization of my erroneous associations) even though in reality he had a male partner. A vague thread of dream state awareness is present at this point, though no threads of viable lucidity. Because of vestibular system correlation personifying as Glenn, who seems very cheerful, I walk through the doorway of the upstairs kitchen, which opens to the porch’s roof. This is from vague recall that a porch can be used to vivify a dream, as it is autosymbolic of a specific level of dream state consciousness of which I had used many times in the past, since early childhood, to vivify my dream or “step into” a more vivid offset dream. This process developed from walking outside by way of the porch’s doorway. Here though, I am somewhat puzzled from being on the roof of the porch, as there is no additional doorway to intensify my dream or trigger viable lucidity (as the option to jump off the roof to fly does not occur to me). Glenn looks up at me from the public sidewalk in front of the house. “You’ll have to use the catwalk,” he says happily. I get the impression he had used the so-called catwalk and jumped to the ground from the outer edge of the roof. I study the roof and see a precarious narrow section of wood that is separate from the rest of the roof, which puzzles me. I stand on it, but consider that I cannot get to the rest of the roof (which has some building materials and tools sitting about) even though all I would have to do is step onto it from this supposed catwalk. Even after fifty years, my dream self fails to remember the dream sign of a cat being a “witness” to liminal space and typically near doorways (for the purpose of inducing lucidity in some cases), though the association had been distorted into the word “catwalk” in this case. (No cat is present and my dream self does not think about cats even upon hearing “cat” as part of “catwalk”.) The association with a “cat always landing on its feet” is not present (regarding the vestibular system dynamics of the waking process, which is often a falling sensation, based solely on biology, not “meaning” as “interpreters” falsely propagate). My dream shifts into a different scenario as a result of considering the nature of the King Street roof (still erroneously associated with the Stadcor Street house) and subliminal anticipation of the falling sensation of the waking process, which does not occur as a result of this shift. Now it is a typical non-lucidly forced “haunting” scenario. I am downstairs again, but this time the setting is an ambiguous composite of the Stadcor Street house and the Cubitis house. I am now more aware of Zsuzsanna as my wife, though it is still not a complete recognition. She still seems to serve the role as landlady. “How long has…it…been in this house?” I ask her this dramatically, speaking of the haunting, which is mainly nonthreatening. We talk briefly, but I become distracted. I find myself in a dark room with an unknown female. There is talk about ghosts and seeing physical evidence of ghosts in this house. I tell her, “This is the only house I have ever lived in where there is the physical presence of ghosts.” On one level, I know ghosts are not real, but on another level, I have achieved non-lucid dream control and revivification at this point to entertain myself. The old writing desk that Zsuzsanna used to have is present, which results in an increase of thinking skills correlation. Near the opposite side of the desk from where the unknown female is standing, another female slowly appears. It is a ghost. “Can you see her?” I ask the female. She tells me that she cannot see anyone there. The ghost is a realistic version, as a “real” human, of Velma Dinkley (of the Scooby-Doo franchise), though about twelve years of age. She seems puzzled and very shy and uncertain. “Who are you?” I ask her. “I’m a goddess,” she whispers. I am puzzled and ask her again about five times. Each time, she softly says, “I’m a goddess”. I want to help her come to terms with her death. (This is a vague influence of “Show Yourself” from 2016, seen just prior to sleep, where I expected Travis to hug the ghost of Paul near the end, though he did not). I hug her, place my right hand on the small of her back, and move it up to the middle of her back. As a result, the palm of my hand begins to glow with white light, rays shining into other areas of the room. (I do not recall the association with Zsuzsanna having been born on September 13, though this was exactly one year before “Scooby-Doo” first aired, therefore Velma in this case is a subliminal representation of Zsuzsanna.) The palm of my right hand continues to glow as I find myself walking south through the Cubitis hallway. I stand in the doorway of the Cubitis southwest bedroom looking into the semidarkness. Several unfamiliar people, both men and women, are sitting on couches that are against the west and north walls. (This is an erroneous setup, as the north wall held the sliding doors of a large closet in reality.) I hold up my right hand and the light spreads into the room somewhat. The others are puzzled. I step through the doorway and wake. (This is a vague association with a security system reading a handprint to allow entry, or, in this case, to exit the dream state.) With this entry, I have attempted to explain the dreaming and waking process as best I could for this dream. (This is difficult in a society where most people have no viable understanding of dreams, many still believing in “interpretation” and “symbolism” in the popular sense, neither of which is real.) The bedroom is a literal thread of final recognition that I am dreaming, and so I choose to wake. The light represents attaining consciousness as a willingness to accept daybreak and intelligence of which only the conscious self possesses in waking life.
Morning of January 6, 2013. Sunday. In a mostly featureless field, there is a dead tree with sparse branches seen in early evening, apparently just after sunset, and in semi-lucidity. In touching the tree, I ground myself without a focus on the anticipation of vestibular system ambiguity. I am fully in my fictitious dream body for the duration. I vaguely recall previous dreams of living trees reaching out to stroke my face with the tips of their branches, in seemingly expressing love as an essence of nature itself. I notice movements across the bark on the side of the tree, a shifting of kite-shaped patches of golden “skin”, which sometimes feature a singular eye. I notice that part of the tree is breathing, a part of its bark moving out and back in with the same overall size as a person’s abdomen. Eventually, I become aware of a female Buddha looking at me somewhat blankly, perhaps puzzled by my presence. There is a change of awareness and temporality, a “blind spot” of which I do not pay full attention, a very common factor of the dream state when full lucidity is not present. A female Beetlejuice modulates my dream from here, though she is not threatening in any way (as preconscious modulation sometimes is when the need to wake and attend to real needs is greater). For a moment, I consider how serious it seems, even with a link to the spiritual, though I eventually come to terms with how silly the scenario is. I recognize the waking transition as it is rendered as an outdoor wooden staircase (as relating to vestibular system autosymbolism), which does not seem connected to a building. I faithfully use the stairs without slipping or falling (or the staircase changing form or collapsing), noticing the steps are rendered rather well. It all comes down to the usual vestibular system correlation with the personified preconscious (and additionally in this case as the vestibular system personification as the female Beetlejuice accompanying my subconscious self at this point), an extension of RAS mediation, passively leading the way in a liminal space where the religious fantasies wrought by others, and the movie fantasies wrought by others, are ultimately equal. Additional notes on the cause and meaning behind this dream: Way back when I was four years old and vowed to myself to understand and master the dream state, I came to realize that seeing eyes moving in a dream, especially when isolated, is primarily based on liminal awareness of being in REM sleep (though was also influenced from “sleep watching” the “Outer Limits” episode of “Don’t Open Till Doomsday” at age 4). There have been many dreams with this detail. In the eyes being on the tree, the tree in this case, especially in being in the mostly featureless field, represents the static (unmoving) status of my physical body during sleep.