non-lucid

Morning of September 4, 2013. Wednesday.



In my dream, I am following a small spacecraft in my incorporeal form in outer space. It is implied that at least two astronauts are coming back to Earth in a somewhat random and unexpected trajectory. The spacecraft looks much like the Apollo 11 lunar module.

The main focus seemingly takes place in the asteroid belt. However, instead of asteroids there is somehow a smaller sun in orbit around the main sun. Over time, I watch the spacecraft seem to bump and turn around the smaller sun’s corona in an unusual way. I see the imagery later as if looking at a spectrograph (though at one point looks similar to a Hertzsprung–Russell diagram). The event continues for several minutes. The spacecraft does not seem to have any obvious problems from extreme heat, as it is just slightly out of control, supposedly relative to the pull of gravity.

Eventually, the astronauts are back on Earth. I am only aware of this from an unknown perspective and focus, including from what seems to be the news as seen on television.

---

The inability of my non-lucid dream self to viably discern the physical body’s location in unconsciousness is the main foundation of this dream. Outer space is certainly not as common a liminal space setting as other forms of waking transition dynamics. Although it centers upon the RAS waking factor as the sun in its autosymbolism of representing the conscious self identity, the additional smaller sun is curious, but probably represents the conscious identity of Zsuzsanna, as other dreams with two suns have been validated to signify this REM state dynamic. Remember that the dream self is not the conscious self and that autosymbolism and other threads primarily represent the dream state itself and the waking transition as easily discernible here with its literal “return to daylight” theme. Of course, the rest of my dream is the typical equilibrium ambiguity, due to the vestibular system not being viable when unconscious.

---

non lucid
*I was at a huge get together and someone made a joke about me and started to laugh with everyone. I was not offended.

*I asked some random girl for a blowjob and she gave it to me.

I've found the right lucid aid for me... alcohol! But I think I was still drunk during my lucid dream, cause everything felt so much more confusing... anyway, here we go!

I was in this weird room, talking to my mother. We were talking about my father, my mum was worried about him. I told her we'd help him get better, then I remembered that I had a party to go later. It was on the top roof, so I just went upstairs to check it was really happening.

The kid of a girl I saw for a couple weeks years ago was there, and it was his birthday party. He was happy to see me and he started shouting and jumping before finally hugging me. I realised I was still wearing my pjs, so I told him I'd come back later and to let his mother know I'd be there soon.

I turned around and (even though I never took any stairs or elevator) I was on the street. I got inside my car and started driving. As I was driving, I guess I changed clothes somehow, cause I was already going back to the party.

My car had a problem and it was going really slow. Then, a guy with a chainsaw was outside and he wasn't exactly threatening me, but he was sorta telling me we had to fight. It was weird. For some reason, I was all "bitch, I'd so kick your ass AND your chainsaw's ass too!" and I offered him my tongue, as if saying go on, cut off my tongue and see if I care.

Then, I wondered what the hell my problem was. "I'm not stupid, why am I not scared of this guy and WHY AM I BEING SO DUMB AND RIDICULOUS!?" And I realised that th guy couldn't hurt me... because it was a dream!

I shrugged at him and continued driving. The car still wasn't working, which got me angry, but then I thought "it's a dream, if I want it to work, IT'D BETTER WORK" and so it did.

I saw another guy outside and this was the most vivid my lucid dream got. He was wearing a blue tshirt and very slowly riding a bike. I knew I had tasks to do and the first thing that came to my mind was TOTM from August... so I started shouting (and this part was in English, while the rest of my dream was in Portuguese): "HEY, HEY, YOU, LOOK AT ME" He stopped his bike and turned around. He looked at me like I was bothering, which I probably was, but he waited for me to say something anyway.

Me: What's the meaning of life?
Guy: *rolls eyes* Dancing. We live to dance.
Me: Oh... okay?

And then he turned around and started riding his bike again. I freaked out cause I knew that wasn't the task I had to do anymore, so I asked him to come back, but he never did. I started asking myself what the TOTM for September was and I couldn't rememeber. Then I thought of the competition and... nothing. I really couldn't remember anything and I was deeply confused by everything around me.

And then I remembered I had to go to the party and that's pretty much when I lost lucidity.

I arrived at the party and my friend was happy to see me. We hugged and I noticed she had been crying. She said she had had a big fight with her girlfriend. People started singing happy birthday to the boy, but everybody was like whatever and they even changed the lyrics to make it obvious they didn't give a fuck. He looked really sad, so I started changing the lyrics too to something happy and YAY. He looked better.

After that, my friend hugged me and thanked me. Her girlfriend started bitching aout everything and they broke up, it was ugly. I hugged my friend and we ended up kissing later. It was actually quite cute and sweet.

Then, she wanted me to dance tango and I have no idea what we were doing, but I woke up during my dream version of tango.

I also had a dream about a weird apocalyspe, the world swallowed itself, then it threw itself up and everything was gross and weird. But that's all I got, a tiny fragment..,

Still, LUCID DREM YAY!!!

I can't remember much of what feels like the longest dream, was too tired to try writing it down after waking up last night :/

1.
Something to do with a witch and this big company that was working for evil but no one knew except me and a few others. I tried escaping this huge building and made it outside where it looked like some kind of exotic zoo area.

2.
I was in a bar/food court? At the table with Dave, Rose, John and Jade (from Homestuck). There was a guy at the next table who was being really obnoxious so I got up and asked him to keep it down. He argues with me, insulting me. I reply, "I said, 'be quiet'." and take the lid off his drink and pour it over his lap (careful now, badass right here). Then a fight that feels like a musical number for some reason breaks out and I get shoved towards Dave and he balances me.

3.
I go to visit Brandie, but she's lying in bed acting ill. She says she's been in labor for a few hours, but she's never had sex. I suggest maybe it's calcium build-up. (wtf she's not a coffee maker???)

notes: Wish I could remember more but at least I had a dream about Dave! Really wanted some kind of fandom dream so I tried focusing on him last night. I'd hoped to actually talk with him, but I guess getting his own close-up and catching me works too :P

"Atlas, probe"

I was in our college. I was given a plant. I brought it home. I got lost in a 'forest.' (more like 'woods' but forest came to mind in the dream) I was supposed to plant it there, but I left it in school.

I looked around. There were people going to their school in the 'forest.' I was nude. I was momentarily conscious and then forgot all about it. I saw a small car with a small woman driving it. I asked her for a favor: if she can take me to the college to get something. I looked at the back of the small car and saw that people are riding it as well, I think as a favor, going back to town. She seemed to agree. I entered through the left side of the driver's seat; she was on the right side. I can barely fit, and it took some effort to get my left leg in the car. I accidentally hit the side mirror while adjusting myself, and I had to adjust it; the driver said it's okay, and adjusted it a bit.

When we arrived in the city (reminds me of the BPI along Lacson St.) with some buildings, we got out of the car, but I realized we passed by the location I need to go to. It seems it's not exactly in the school, but some location a bit outside of it. She said she'll accompany me for a while. We climbed over some gravel, and I realized how quick she is thanks to her size. I had to struggle to keep up. I thought of something like "I maintain that smaller people have advantages." (Probably from the quote from Shengji Yang).

Home town. I was in our store at home. Aunts and relatives were there. One in particular asked me how I live as a gay person; somehow, they know that I am. I felt relieved at this. They asked how I'm doing, and I answered fine. It was sort of a coming out Q&A. I thought that I'm gonna post about it on Facebook. I was tired. I went to sleep in the house.

Sept. 3, 2013

Chowking, a fastfood resto. I was ordering food from our hometown. I was going out with a bunch of people near the beach.

There's a line of tables and chairs for eating. The left side is for straight guys, the middle line is for gays, and the one on the right is for girls. I was going around, talking to everyone and anyone, but I think only with the straight guys. 'Fran?'

I was near the beach, elevated a few meters above the sea level. A calamansi plant grew on the salty waters near the cemented elevation (reminds me of the bridge in our hometown). It grew tall and reached a little beyond the elevation, but I heard or knew that the taste is bitter.

Kind of a weird post, to start of my dream journal but whatever, here we go..

Brightness turns into a shape, it's a zoo.

Due to personal reasons I havent been to a zoo in a long time, altough the last time was quite fun.

After i realize that I'm in a exotic part of the zoo, the one with the tropical animals such as snakes and iguanas, I notice my pet Juancho in a terrarium. So I run towards him and try to alwardly poke around the glas. I try to shout "that's my lizard!" but it seems that nobody can hear me.

The dream progresses and the next thing is me walking down some stairs. As I walk down the stairs I notice there is a big party going on around me and the people are dancing and having fun. I try to find my friends but some guys jump me, I must have pissed them off somehow. One guy beats me and grips my nuts and squeezes them.. UGH.. I wake up in a hospital and get a poorly made Apology note.


As i wake up i remember i forgot to feed my pet lizard Juancho and give him 2 fat crickets.

I am a lion in another Africa, another world. All carnivores are scavengers. I watch an old elephant breathe its last. I run to it, and make sure it's dead. I yowl, calling other carnivores to the dead beast. Hyenas, lions, and vultures come. We share, and devour the flesh in a couple hours. The hyenas and bugs eat the bones. Clean. There is no trace of the elephant.

I gaze up at Humans in small anti-gravity platforms, about 8 feet across, hover low and watch us with a gentle fascination. Their clothing is made from a living moss. They have engineered our genes to be strong, peaceful, and telepathic. They are playing a galactic game in which they improve global ecosystems. The game is practice to become benevolent gods.

I was at primary school, and I was seeing a boy band be put together and through to the next round. I think it may have been the boy band from the UK (McFly). There was only 3 members, 2 which had different hair cuts to what they usually had. As they were put through to the next round, they all hugged, and were ecstatic.

I was watching a music video of a McFly song. One of the members (Doug?) was on a horse and cart, flying down the dirt track. As he was approaching, they introduced him as the new member of the group. They gave a bit of a bio about him, such as, hard work, rough around the edges, but welcome him to the group. He was the singing from his horse and cart. He sang the same line a lot through out the film clip (assuming it was the chorus). The scene was a windey road with tree's and green grass on the outskirts.

A small guy came out on stage. He was probably close to the size of a dwarf. The queen was trying to ruin his career?

They show was looking for people to sing. A spot light was getting moved around the crowd. It stopped on 2 girls, but only 1 could be chosen. The skinnier girl was given the spot.

Fatish guy was chosen, and was shown on a TV promo (was skinny with wild curly hair?)

I was now at my primary school. It was night time, and I was walking my dog Rex. We walked towards the basketball courts, which steel mesh walls through out it. Rex was finding the holes through the fences. They had been cut holes. I went through about 3 holes, and it was very dark, and made it hard to see where I was going. The last hole was hard to get through, so I pulled the bottom of the cage upwards, so that I could get under.

I was now in the car park, next to the courts. I could see a car up the end of the car park, it looked like a security patrol car. It started coming our way. I started to freak out a bit, and lost sight of my dog. I was stressing out that he was missing, and considering he was a black dog, made it even harder. I thought I saw him in the distance, but I think I had mistaken him as a cat. It seemed to fast to be a dog.

[Dream Fragment]
I was playing with an oxygen mask. I put it on and was breathing through it. I think I purchased it off of eBay.

I was working for a company in C-Town.

The company was located at my old house in Blacksland. I was waiting for my shift to finish, but I decided to stay back a few extra hours.

I got asked by the boss?, If I could start work earlier, around 5:30am the next day.

It was time to finish my shift, and was ready to head back home. My transport home was a road bike. I think David C was working for the same company as well. He had a road bike also.

I let the boss have a ride of my bike. He jumped on and gave it some power, and flew down the street on the footpath, going passed Robert S's house. He returned from the opposite end of the street.

Dream 1:

I was playing some RTS game that partially looked like Warzone 2100, but was different. I've had one huge base from the beginning and buildings had to be built on specific ground platforms. Battle with enemies was weird, enemies attacked by summoning some kind of spaceship things which were on different screen, my buildings automatically spawned units to fight them but i had to order them directly for each shot and they looked like dots on second screen. Later i had to attack enemy base, that summoned second screen as well, which displayed lots of buildings and enemy units, which launched missiles that had powerful AoE explosion. I could spawn units anywhere on second screen and i've made some missile units as well and was trying hard to micro them to dodge enemy attacks.

Dream 2(fragment):

I was in some outdoor place with red brick buildings.

Dream 3(fragments):

I was playing Spiral Knights and it had like completely different levels, then i have found a glitch and gotten some items that weren't supposed to be here. They were displayed like tickets and were named differently, i thought it was something unfinished to be finished in future updates. Using some of them summoned text menus with some stories and one of them shifted the game into something like Worms.

Dream 4(fragment):

Was playing some video game.

I stayed up two hours later than usual with a friend the night before last, so only recalled a fragment that night.

Dream:

A man is running through a field, He, Varric, finds that a silver stone structure is still there. There was a moving contraption up top, along with overgrown foliage.

The ‘camera’ pans over to some small stone structures (I think, 'of course they were made by dwarves'), and a gravesite with about eight graves with markers. I read: Dizzy, Logi, You— I pause at that last one, wondering if it’s ‘You’ as in the viewer, or as in the Japanese name. I also stopped before Logi, stumbling over the name, and thinking that his body actually couldn’t be there, because he’s nearly impossible to kill. I wonder what it was like for him to wake up (come out of the grave) in this place.

I’m going through these square, fenced in spaces, where the only way to get out properly is to leap over sections of the fence. There are small Stop signs mounted at top right of the section that’s safe to jump.

Other ‘heroes’ were doing the same. I caught a girl’s eye and nodded at her. A part of me wondered if I was supposed to know her. She didn’t look familiar (IWL). I laughed when I hear (and somehow see) from behind me Spider-Man jokingly asking an African-American police guard if he’d remove his mask. The man replied “that’s not my thing’.

A really short, small girl flies back after trying to leap the fence but getting poked in the butt instead. She rolls across the grass and I can’t help but laugh. Her figure reminded me of Kabeyama. I see that she’s wearing a light yellow shirt with Kabayama’s face upside down on the back of it.

A girl cringes as I reply to something, ‘but don’t get the fence stuck in your butt!’. As I said this, I was picking out two pieces of sharp fence from my thigh.

Inspiration: I watched some gameplay videos for Dragon Age: The Inquisition recently so that’s where Varric comes from! Last night, me and mom were talking about how movies do in other countries, and she mentioned Wolverine, so that’s where ‘Logi’ comes from. The girl/Kabeyama comes from the last episode of Inazuma Eleven I watched, Kabeyama had more screentime because he was struggling. I think the stone structure and gravesite actually could have come from the book I started last night, The Book of Earth (Dragon Quartet #1).

Notes: I got deja vu after thinking through the dream, I’m pretty sure I’ve had a dream in the past where I was hopping fences, during some sports event.

Emotion: Humor

I'm in a maze full of doors that lead to other worlds. The people with me have decided to take a door that leads out onto a snow-covered wasteland, they think this is going to lead them to our ultimate destination, but I have my doubts. I'm sure they're just going to wind up back here with a lot of wasted effort. So I let them go while I stay in the maze. After the door's shut behind them, I open it again, just to get another look, and while I can see them, the dream briefly switches to their perspective, showing that they can't see me or the doorway; our realities are out of sync.

In the maze, I try to take a path roughly in line with the path they're taking through the wasteland, so that we can meet up again when they inevitably wind up back here. I check through doors once in a while to make sure we're still going the same way. But eventually I run across other people in the maze, and I discover people are gravitating towards a set of locked double doors with two keyholes to either side. This is the door my group's been looking for. But we don't have a key, and neither do any of the people clustered around. Hera approaches me in the form of an incredibly tall and slightly muscular woman, with long red hair and a peacock blue dress that clings to her body. She's looking for something too, but not a key, and she asks me why I'm looking for one. I explain to her that like the others I'd joined up with, I'd simply woken up alone in a vast, seemingly empty room, so big I couldn't see the walls or the ceiling, and eventually I'd worked my way here. As we're talking I realize that she's Roman, not Greek. She tells me she can get me through the door.

As we go through the door I'm starting to focus on how attractive she is, and I hear a warning, something I think of as a quote, about the risk for dealing with gods "to become not ascension but craving." I acknowledge this but decide to go with craving anyway, she's very attractive. On the other side of the door we're in my IRL home. However, although I didn't notice anything odd at the time, once I took her out of the maze setting the DC stopped showing any personality; I carried her to the couch, but when we sat down she disappeared entirely. The dream storyline switched to a visit from my IRL father who starts 'getting the trees ready for winter' which involves ropes and makes me feel lazy for not doing it myself, and a sitcom involving two elderly men teasing their sullen young relative about just ignoring what you don't want to hear.

(Woke up. Felt like those last scenes, my father and the sitcom, were both about me making the wrong decision with Hera. Back to sleep.)

I'm Roman from Hemlock Grove. Olivia's lying on the stairs and I've had a taste of her blood, and it's put me in something of a trance. I'm thinking about the difference between love and lust. Peter knocking at the door snaps me out of it, but I watch Olivia stand up and walk up the stairs before I answer the door. I make tea, though he doesn't want any. He's picked up one of Olivia's shoes off the rack by the door and is fiddling with it, pacing around the kitchen.

Fragments:

I'm a teenage boy who gets into fights too often, trying to explain to a girl the reason why.

I'm in a setting that looks based on the 1800's, getting into my uncle's carriage, although my uncle's surprised I want to come and warns me against it - I lie about the reason I want a ride, saying something about the walking path along the way. He accepts the lie and offers me a bulb of garlic.

i was at a picnic table in the dark late at night with a couple ppl (dont remember) and also hayley m. i told her, after mustering up some courage, "you know, you're always in my dreams, all the time. which is weird bc you are the cousin i least interact with in real life" it was ironic i said that because i was actually in a dream with her saying that, but i was unaware that i was in a dream at this time.

jen was pregnant. wearing a white dress and visibly big. ben was there and i talked to him on the phone before i got there. he said that jen and him had a fight and she was crying and i thought it was a huge deal so i was trying to talk him through it. but when i got there, ben seemed to think it wasn't a big deal at all and she was just "being jen". he tried to cuddle me and stuff and i felt really weird bc he was with jen but for some reason i thought " well maybe he is just friendly and we were pretty close friends before so he might just be trying to bring those days back". so i snuggled him.

jump to matthew and i. we were cuddling and stuff and then he went into this big conference room with all these people. amazingly enough, i decided i must do a hand stand. i somehow was so strong and it was really effortless i could just lift my whole body off the ground. i was naked and i thought matt might like the view of my legs wobbling around above the couch that was in front of me.

suddenly i switched to matthews perspective. i was matt. i was sitting in the conference room and i saw my legs and it looked just like i was fucking someone bc the couch was covering my torso and the legs were just sticking up. i saw a flashback of some times we had together and felt genuine hurt.

back to nat. matt walks in and somehow i know what he thinks. i try to play it off cool like i don't know so that it looks really natural bc i really dont have anything to hide anyway. idk what happened after that.

i was staring at a bag of oreo hershey chocolates in bens bed. i studied the whole packaging and watched ben eat one. i wanted one but decided against it bc it was so rich. then hayley m walks in the door bc she lives in the room in the back, which was wear jen was sleeping or crying or whatever.

there was also a lot of drama bc i was supposed to go to epr and mike was setting shit up and stuff but then mom interfered and i was all pissed and i was in some random town but i apparently thought it was santa clara. i ran into axel and then ali c, and ali was crying real hard and we both exchanged our weird nights. she seemed worried for me when i told her my stuff and i tried to reassure her i would be ok, i was working on sobriety.

at one point in the dream i was trying to get into my apartment and there was this girl at the door and she said you cant go in with pills. i had to show her that it was just allergy medication and she said it doesnt matter swallow it. and i said no because its fexofenadine and it makes me awake and i don't want to feel that way and she said what about the other pills and i said really firmly no it's lithium and i don't want to be tired and the other is trazodone and i'm not falling asleep yet! and she bitterly let me just go in. wtf and my apt was like a small kitchen and thats it.

i also remember when i was in the park with hayley it started smelling horrible and i said 'dont worry guys its just the houses back there' and they were all like wtf and i was like 'yeah i have no idea what goes on back there but it just smells randomly sometimes'
it was weird bc i could actually smell in my dream.

had no lucid breakthroughs probably because i havent been trying so hard the last 2 weeks bc of exhaustion idk why im so tired lately? weird and opposite of me. but my mind is workin overtime . alright i'm out, i have my psychiatrist for that shit.

Sunday, 9/1/13

Last night, bed 11:37 - 9am

DR 1 -
I get into a court yard through an opened gate. There is some sense of urgency. Some houses on the street look like they went through some battle.

From the cement courtyard, I climb inside through a small opening in the wall, that looks like it was made by some explosion. There is a lots of debree. I bend down and climb under it. I think I'm either dragging or encouraging someone to follow me.

The streets are quiet, but I know it's just a quiet before storm. We expect either some invasion, or it's already happening and we have just minutes to hide.

I see boots approaching. Looks like some soldier, maybe like from Hellghast. He is looking around. But I know, we are safe, so I'm worried.

DR 2 -
I'm moving some boxes. One box is bigger that the door frame. We have to open it and disassemble what's inside, before we can take it through the door.

DR 3 -
I'm in lavish house or apartment. Some kind of danger is approaching. Maybe a wildfire. So me and a woman who lives there are looking for a hotel to stay at, that would also take cats.