non-lucid

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

From the night before last
*This is a veeeery rough draft that I may or may not get around to cleaning up*


A Boy to Include?

a blond boy joined us
cheap necklace/pendant
I had one in the same symbol too (on reflection, i don't recognize it)
ashamed? that mine was a weak metal
it looked somewhat interesting though
I didn’t mean to make a wet towel hanging high on a hook on the wall fall. caught it and the wrist watch that had been laid atop it, tried to put them back as they were.
I wondered at the dampness near the watch
I was 13-17
the boy was maybe 11
we debated over if he was too young

Happy Birthday
I am at a birthday party, it is a big event. It is the birthday party of my friend Alicia, though it is much larger than any party she has ever had before. I don't know where Alicia is right now, and I don't recognize any of the other guests. I explore the party, which is much too large to be in Alicia's house. I enter a room that is filled with treats of all kinds, cakes, cookies, drinks of all kinds… the center piece is a huge birthday cake. I am walking through the room when Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds comes out of the cake and starts dancing.

I think Alicia will be disappointed to miss that… I continue and find there is an indoor pool at the party, which is so big there is a small island in the middle of it. I think Alicia is probably on the island which is going to be a problem for me to get her gift to the island without getting it wet.

Kobold Attack
I am in a room, or actually it's more of a cave, it is a large roundish cavern with a glowing gem in the middle of it. The gem is about the size of a basket ball and it is floating in the middle of the room with no apparent support, bathing the room in a blue light.

I look at the gem, there are actually rainbow colors moving about in the gem, it is almost hypnotic. There is movement in the darkness around the edge of the room, and an attack comes fast and violently. I realize I am a Paladin, like from DDO, and I am armed with a nasty looking sword. I am surrounded by kobolds, and they are all attacking me. I start fighting off the kobolds. I can see enough of what is going on around me to tell that I am not fighting alone, but I can't see who else is fighting against the kobolds. Whoever they are, there seems to be three of them and they are keeping the crystal in the center of the room covered from the other three directions, so I can just focus on stopping the kobolds from one direction. My armor is very good, and my sword is deadly, I am able to successfully fend off the kobold attacks. Unfortunately I never do get a look at my companions before I wake up.

Crazy Taxi: Burnout
I am at my house, both my mom and I have errands to run. She leaves first, then I follow her shortly later. I notice she has put a lot of stuff out for the trash, so I stop to check to make sure there is nothing there I want to keep. I find a trunk there, look inside, and the thing falls apart. I find a set of sheets I really want to keep, so I put them in my car and then leave for my errands. After I get a short distance I realize I don't remember what errands I needed to perform… damn. I go home. Alicia is waiting for me there. My mom arrives home shortly after. In my room, I realize I need to feed my fish… I have two small fish bowls with male betas in them.

I forgot to feed them… but fortunately they look fine. I open my bottle of food and feed them the last of it, so I know I need to go get more food. My mom tells me not to take my car, for some reason she wants us to take a taxi instead. That sounds expensive… Alicia and I are in the taxi, heading to town. Alicia notices that the driver seems to be driving quite recklessly. I don't mind, since it will get us to our destination sooner. But he is getting more reckless… now it's like he's trying to get into a wreck. I do a RC and find out I'm dreaming, (though I don't really become lucid) this is a game of Crazy Taxi, so I am looking around through the windows for opportunities to get in a wreck. Alicia says the driver and I are both nuts. We get in a massive wreck. He jumps the cab from the top of one parking garage to another one and then we crash into a large fuel tanker, creating a huge explosion. Somehow none of us are hurt, but the explosion is awesome. The driver has had enough, but I want to play more. I jack a car from the parking lot we crashed in and take it out, aiming to get in more wrecks. I hit a few cars and then crash into someone's living room through the front window. I look around and I see Abby Shuto from NCIS

standing by a couch, she doesn't seem to notice the car that just crashed into her living room. There with her is Beetlejuice from the movie Beetlejuice.

That is a strange combo… Beetlejuice hands Abby a bouquet of black roses, with a hopeful look on his face. Abby is upset about something, however. She grabs the roses from him, tears them apart, and throws them back in his face before storming off into another room and slamming the door behind her. Beetlejuice looks totally depressed as he come over near me, finally taking note of the car in the living room, he says she'll never forgive him.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

From the night before last
*This is a rough draft that I may or may not get around to cleaning up more*

There was a slow, tribal, quiet, calm quality to this dream, like the feel of winter. I felt more a part of everything, to the extent that my identity’s separation from the other people in the tribe was vague, as if I was all of them, except the young woman leading the horse.

One horse knew the way back to our yearly (sacred, I think) place. No humans knew. we all followed. the horse (Neil was his name?) was in front, without a person riding. someone walking besides him so that he would be able to lead. the person still held his reigns loosely. the rest of us on our horses. A very long trek, at least a day.

We realized we’d lost them. we sped up. Lots of deep snow around as we walked the trail. Then we went downhill a little and it felt like we were in another land. the trail disappeared. Widely spaced, tall trees. The snow looked like it had been blown in exceptional ways. So thin with large mottles on wide scalloped shaped indistinct paths on the ground, like when it is blown off the road and looks like mottled smoke. That magic feeling I get in dreams, where the beauty infuses me. We were there. Or very close. Still looking for the head horse and his companion. Searching, searching.

After a while of concerned searching, concentrating on which smoke-blown path felt right, I saw them coming down one of the paths toward us. The horse was hurt.

We went over to them and we saw how badly the horse was hurt. A wide gash to the bone in its front right thigh. Then I saw the leg was missing below. There was a metal plate inside the gash. The girl who had been leading him said she put it there for the horse to heal, but it wasn’t going to help, we knew. The horse had been given an antibiotic but that is not what we called it in the dream. We inspected the gash and went to touch the metal to pull it out so it could heal properly but the girl warned us that it was so painful and infected to the extent that the pain would make the horse go crazy. We understood and sat back, waiting for the antibiotic/pain medication to take effect so we could treat the horse. The horse’s leg had been severed completely (under where this deep gash was?) On reflection (though perhaps it was the calm quality to the dream) I/we felt sadness yet acceptance as well. Something of a treasure, sacred and deep, was potentially leaving us.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

From the night before last
*This is a rough draft that I may or may not get around to cleaning up more*

I woke, trailing out of a dream. I tried to remember but was disappointed that I didn’t. Then the dreams started to come back to me.


Dad, mom, a friend from college, and maybe another friend (best friend from high school?) sitting (on a bed or floor with cushions?). Comfort but not a lot of affection, not needy affection at least. Calmly focused.

I was asking questions about what happened when I was a child (about traumas that occurred).

It was observed that I wasn’t as angry as usual.

I told them yeah, I don’t get so angry now when talking about my childhood traumas with dad. I say “I just got tired of being angry,” feeling very heartfelt and with a glimpse of that exhaustion. “Now I just ask questions about what happened.” Dad agreed, though he still didn’t like to talk about the what. The 4 or 5 of us discussed the change in my questions about childhood traumas and if it was a good thing. My college friend appreciated my change (in the face of others having concerns about it).

I found myself sitting at a dark, wood table. The table was large, covered in stacks of paper and manila folders, and a phone that just wouldn't stop ringing. I was dressed in a dark blue business suit with a tie, and my hair was slicked back. The room I was in was very large, and apart from the table, it had a fish tank, filled with exotic fish against one wall, a couch with several smaller tables in front of it, and several white tiger-skin rugs are placed across the floor in strategic locations. Behind me is a giant window, which takes up the entirety of the back wall. From the window I can see that it is early afternoon outside, and that the building I am in is a relatively large one in comparison to the rest of the city--which goes about its hustle and bustle as you would expect.

I begin mechanically sliding a piece of paper from the stacks, one at a time, and stamping it with a large rubber stamp. It leaves a big red "APPROVED" mark on the paper, at which point, I toss it into a box behind me. This stamping goes on for quite some time, until I get about halfway done.

At this point, three people enter the room from the elevator access on the far wall. One of them is the woman in red, this time dressed in a her own business suit and skirt, the other is an old man with eye brows so long that they touch his shoulders, and the other is my best friend, who is carrying a large whiteboard. After setting herself up, she begins to draw many diagrams, and explain something which I can't quite recall. The woman in red and the old man occasionally pass me pieces of paper to stamp and sign while this is going on.

Eventually, my friend suddenly stops and demands that I answer the phone. I bark at her to remind her who is in charge, but I answer the phone anyway. As soon as I put it to my ear, I wake up

*It’s all dark (!!!). There is my mum and my dad and we all go to some party.

**I am by a sea with some other people. We are jumping different stiles to the water form a high pontoon made of sand. We always search for a good spot to jump from and we also have to wait for a good weather. I have some chicken bones and throw them to the water, but there is some girl swimming and she starts shouting at me. I tell her that at leas the fish can eat it. Every time when I jump to water, it creates some ornaments and creative splashes. Melissa is there too and we talk about sex and swimming naked.

***I am at my mouse in Czech with Pavel and some other people. We wait for a good weather so we can go jumping as well. Then suddenly a wind starts picking up and I watch as it blows stronger and stronger, picking leaves form the garden. Next, the wind turns towards the windows and I can see how the glass is bending inwards and I am worried it’s going to break.

**** Then we stand at some bar, with Pavel and this slim tall skin head “Novotny” or what his name is. Pavel is drunk as usual and they argue who is going to go jumping first. Then Pavel punch him over his head and the guy punches him back and a rectangular piece of skin peals off Pavel’s head and starts to bleed badly. We try to put it back but as the wind blows still, a lot of dirt gets in the wound. I try to clean it but it’s still dirty. Pavel is playing hard and doesn’t want to have anything done with it. His eyes glow blue. Then Dan and I decide to take the skin off totally so it can heals better.

*****I am in some kind of space ship. Its all dark again there. There is some college of mine shooting with a gun in to some tunnel. I look at him closely and it is Dolph Lungren. Some other college looks at what she shoots at. So he turns on the lights in the tunnel and there is a large plasma screen and Lungren himself on it. When he sees that he has been shooting at himself, he is all devastated and upset.

****We are at the airport and some lady wants to fly but there is some problem. She goes to the information desk where she is told that the flight has been cancelled. She starts to scream and complain that she is going to complain higher. She is told that the plane is going to be at platform 2 but it has to be transported there.

This is probably the most surreal dream I've had so far... It would have been a great dream to go lucid in, but I'm still hilariously inexperienced.

I was taking a shower in a rather dark room, one that wasn't the shower in my house. It was a very modern looking shower, with lots of brushed chrome, and it was very clean. There were two doorways on the same wall, one next to either side, in the middle were some guitar amps.

There were amps because there was some live Metallica music playing. I looked out from behind the shower curtain and there was Ozzy Osbourne and Kirk Hammet were playing some of the solos from Metallica songs. I know Ozzy Osbourne doesn't play the guitar, but that didn't seem important at the time. I got out and started walking around them, just observing them fingering the notes on an air guitar. I've never observed someone playing an instrument in a dream before, so it's pretty interesting to note that they were playing pretty accurately.

I got back in the shower for a little while longer, and I got out to watch them again. I was focusing on Ozzy for a bit when he motioned towards Kirk, indicating that I should watch him instead.

This is where the dream ends. Pretty surreal, but pretty cool too. First instance of someone playing an instrument in a dream that I can remember, and first famous people I've seen too.

FRAGMENT: Join bio like class late/Try finding a book to read, try finding Night Angel online/Guy teaches me dream recall (don't remember it, just have it written down)/pack of pens I bought yesterday but wrong type/remember walking to chick-fil-a and thinking I don't have change to get brownie

Dream:
For some reason Russ needs an extra shirt for a basketball game, Bart is there

Dream:
If you have a big dream schlong use it, Live in a tree, dead parent, some weird sex stuff, Stefon studying and asibling knocks over a TV almost hitting dog and Stefon's mom mad at him, here her sobbing down the hall

Dream:
Want to see "your Highness" at movie theater and called Stefon to come, bought tickets with debit card, remembered I have like no money in it, worry about being able to put money in in time before I get charged with overdraft

Dream:
Outside of movie theater with Stefon, Josh, and others, go inside to text dad that I'm about to come home, see girl from business class in theater, employee comes to see what I'm doing, go back outside and can't find guys. Some people playing with frisbee, I take it, find guys and try to throw frisbee across parking lot, only goes over one row, people laugh. Everyones shooting super rubberbands.
Don't remember rest, frag: a sandwich/deck at my house

Dream:
At school going to new classes and trying to find hot girls to sit by, talk to a guy from german I've never talked to before

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

This dream is from the night before the night before last


Book-ended Children

Children running down a sloping sidewalk that curved back and forth. Stone wall along the sidewalk. Cobblestone ground. My consciousness looking down on them as they ran toward “me”. Saying to myself I remember this, I remember reading this. My mom was showing me another reel.

There was something forced about what the children were doing. they didn’t like it but they did relatively well at pretending. I think I knew more about why, that it had something to do with the parents, but I don’t recall now.

Mom put on another old reel. it seemed to be of my father’s side of the family. I knew he would like to see it and wondered at my mom having it instead of him.

In waking life my father idealizes tradition and is also an extraordinarily creative and brilliant man. I think he idealizes being a child, simple carefree yet responsible times. He was a “hippie” black sheep in his family when he was younger. That side of my family had a lot of power that was used for massive capitalistic gains and political influence. There is corruption, greed, addiction, and yet amazing intelligence and creativity smattered around the people. I am curious and feel it is important to know more about this family history. It also makes me feel sick to think of knowing more. My fascination and desire to know the different sides of my family (and myself) usually wins out, though. Well, at least in the internal battles of which I am aware.

I watched the reel on an old contraption that displayed more like a television than a projector. My mom stood to the side, close to the moving picture.

Soft thwacking noises like an old projector. I could almost see the frames as they shuffled past, specks and lines of light flashing and morphing with them.

A man (I think a/the/[my?] father), somber and proud like in older photographs, sat on the right, looking at the camera. The children to the left of him in their sitting positions, and then sat a huge man in a tuxedo complete with tailcoat. The two men were like bookends, the children between them. We’d only been watching it a minute, and mom already wanted to change reels. I said no, I want to see them when they move. I said their body language would be very significant, would show me more about who they actually are. It felt intensely important and I was riveted.

The large, hulking man stood and walked to the right. Maybe 8 or 9 feet tall, who knows, maybe 10. Big, round belly, sloped shoulders. (He reminds me of the way my maternal grandpa looked when he was dying of cancer, that same kind of oval shape, but much more extreme, and more solid and thick.) I didn’t think he was a family member of mine. The father (it was my impression I think, though perhaps it was a waking reflection) stood and slowly walked to the right. I watched his body carefully (from where the audience would be if there was one) and couldn’t tell much about him from the way he walked. It was so slow, as if he was favoring physical pain. His stiffness swallowed up his personality.

There were a lot of dream characters projecting their personae in this dream, like they were conforming to older, more serious social pressures. Personae that were hollow yet strong. Weak, deep, and shallow and full of tightly woven rules.

I feel an association between the father dream character and my paternal great grandfather, father of my father's father. I never knew him. It makes sense, given my grandfather’s and his brother’s dichotomies, success and greed for one, creativity and susceptibility in the other. Or so I've interpreted and oversimplified.

The trickle of this history of family emotions is a reason I think this song taps a large body of water inside me.



“I am out here studying stones
trying to learn to be less alive
using all of my will to keep very still
still even on the inside

I've cut all the pertinent wires
so my eyes won't make their connections
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
when I'm looking in your direction

...when all the forbidden fruit is fallen and rotted
well that's when I'm gonna come down"

Even if they’re partial hogwash, I feel love flowing from new understandings.

All fragments of the same dream...

Playing video games with my sister at my moms.
Someone broke into my jeep (I actually have a neon) and they tore the leather seats off and I was very pissed off cause it was only a block away from my house. I regretted leaving it there aloud.
Little kids were playing on the street and I talked to one of them, they were amusing me.
Some lady has this lair where she kept people she wanted to kill and I was in it but just touring, I guess. I hated it so much, it was very gruesome, people were stuck in these bath tubs and being held dow by these machine spider things while a saw hovered over them ready to chop them to pieces....

oh oh oh, there was a storm at one point but I think my mother distracted me from noticing this.
Annnnd, mom's been in my dreams a lot lately...

April 19, 2011

Notes
Went to bed at half past 11pm. Woke up at 6am. Horribly tired all day, barely able to keep eyes open. Don't remember dream, but when I looked in the journal I keep by my bed I found a couple messy notes scribbled down under today's date. I've copied the scribbled entry exactly here.

Entry 007
I own a fancy car.
I have a disciple.
I'm corrupting him. Teaching him to lie and steal.

Deleted

Went to bed at a reasonably normal time tonight, and wanted to attempt WILDing tonight, so I set my clock to go off after 6½ hours of sleep. Turns out that was a very bad idea, as it made me wake up at 3am, 4am, 5.30am (turned off the alarm here, couldnt be fucked anymore) and then 10am. Also have a rahrt large scar on my tongue that is making it really hard to relax. I do remember one dream though.

I was in some kind of ruined city, and there were zombies and zombified animals everywhere. But for some reason being bitten by them did not cause the infection or whatever to spread. I was also with someone, but I can't quite recall who it was. I THINK it was my mother, but I'm really not sure. We were running around in this post-apocalyptic city anyway, and I recall watching the city from some kind of tall tower. I watched as zombies as a group caught up to a group of normal people, and I saw a few zombie animals darting past street corners here and there. I don't recall meeting any actual zombiepeople though, only zombieanimals. At some point, we apparently managed to get to some sort of safe haven, and my mom wanted me to take the car to drive somewhere and buy something. I had enough presence of mind to realize that I couldn't drive, and told her so, but apparently I had to practise. That's all I remember from it.

Non-dream | Dream

Background:

As Dead Space 2 got out in January, I figured out it'd be really cool to give it a try. However, I was skeptical whether I had to play and finish the first opus, or I could play directly. Thus, I've been looking for Dead Space for one or two month(s).

The store described in my dream is owned by the same society IRL as the one in my dream.

Dream:

I spawn in a blurry room. It's very futuristic, with somehow a modern lightning. There are LOTS of rows, on which objects are stored: they're all disposed diagonally. There are a few people: I can see a salesman walking down the rows. I go to the video games department, looking for some old PS2 games, then I find myself on a storey, with some sales(wo)men. I'm asking them if they have Dead Space -- they tell me they do, it's worth 89,99€. They also say I could buy it for 2€ somewhere else, and that I'm lucky they still have the game in their stock. One saleswoman (she's mid/small-sized, she's in her 40s, and has short brune hair) goes away to search the game, but she doesn't come back.

It's probably not where the dream ends, but it's all I could remember. I was kinda tired (went to bed at 3AM). I somehow have the feeling I'm going to have a LD soon!

It started off by me being in my foster parents home. I had my apple laptop and I was playing a game called Sword of the New World. I was busy leveling Claire but i put her in a place where there were too many high level characters. So I took out my other account to help her. However the exp was very bad so I went to another place. It took me a lot of times because I always ended up somewhere I shouldn't be. Then I wanted to load my other characters and do a raid but i got distracted by C.(my regrettable past ) He started talking. Talking a lot even, and he showed me pictures of him in the past. All of which he looked really nice in and I was amazed he talked to me that much because in real life we barely speak anymore..

After a while we ate something and I cleaned the microwave roster and put it back in the microwave. When I closed the door it started running again. I wanted to press stop but suddenly there was no stop button. I could however open the door. When i thought it was okay I pushed it back in again and then it started running again. This time I couldn't open the door and I saw electric waves and then Mt, walked in. The microwave exploded in an odd way. There were no flames or that but there were things spitting out of the microwave. The door flew open and there were really odd white things and I was dead terrified. So Mt grabbed me and I just hugged him really tightly. It felt right, and I felt save. After that my foster mom came back in and just looked at the microwave. Mt sat on the chair and I sat on his lap. He was like yea I ordered something for you. He apparently ordered something for my mobile.