Recent DJ Posts

24th January 2021

Fragment:

(at the end of a long segment about family)

Uncle M mentions "Bucaccus"; it is apparently some kind of organ, gland or hormone? He apparently had many issues with it when he was my age and suggested I get it looked at. I remember previously in the dream I had been having some kind of tantrum, throwing things. I apologised to my uncle and someone else there, an old woman?

Fragment:

Waiting for a train in a subway station. I'm wearing one of those new and modern drawing gloves on my right hand. I'm writing some kind of story on the palm of that glove on my right hand. I don't make notice of the fact that I was using my left hand to do so.

The train eventually arrives and I get in; then when I get out somewhere else, I find that my little story has rubbed off completely and is gone and I try to remember what I had written.

Fragment:

Looking at some profiles on an art site. One of these profiles has thirteen thousand people who are basically subscribed to it. Part of the page seems odd and the dominant layout colour is incorrect to what it should be in waking life, it's a deep blue in the dream.

As I scroll down I find extra sections, like multiple featured text posts with commenting areas of their own. There's also some section labelled "high-profile banned/blacklisted users". I look through this section, which only has a dozen of usernames, and find that some usernames start similar to mine but mine isn't on the list, I feel some sort of relief?

This person's profile has a lot of issues with spamming?

Fragment:

I'm in my old home, my room. I'm visiting. I am upset for some reason? And then there's some kind of hybrid species woman; she's part octopus and she's sad for some reason. Her mom is here too and has the same features, but her mom has a blue tinge and she has a pink-ish tinge.

In any case, I try to comfort her, but she is resistant to any comfort I try to offer. I remember at one point we touch one another a bit, half sensually, half not, like a strange dance? I am curious about the tentacles and she lets me touch them. This implies some trust on her part, I feel.

The suckers nip on my skin but much less harshly than I expected; I feel that she has control over this and has made it so as to not hurt me.

Her mother says something about how she could just cut off her tentacles if she's that sad (comes across as half-serious/half-sarcastic) and that they'll grow back. Her mother warns her however, that it will take months to regrow them and that during sleep she'll be waking up to what feels like every five minutes and bleeding or something.

I tell her that she should do no such thing. I feel the mother's suggestion was too serious and that it would cause so much more damage than good.

---

Notes:

- The last fragment feels strangely ironic considering how I am feeling right now about something.
- The tentacles had ends that were more squid-like than octopus-like, come to think of it.
- I think it's been a while now since I dreamt of any subways or trains. It had also been a while since I dreamt about a website, specifically an art one.

Morning of November 2, 2016. Wednesday.



I am in the semidarkness of an unknown bedroom but I am able to see clearly in my immediate area. I have my dream journal open in front of me as I am lying on my stomach on the floor. I perceive that I am only about twelve years old. My single bed is next to me to my left, closer to the doorway than another single bed and closer to the center of the room, though my head is presently nearest the foot of my bed and my feet are closest to the doorway. My father’s bed is closer to the corner of the room, his head near the wall where the doorway is. He is lying on his back with his head opposite mine. Our beds are about two feet apart. My father (April 26, 1901-February 14, 1979) begins to cough. His coughing intensifies after a short time.

I sense something is wrong as an unknown male (about twenty-five) comes into the room and helps my father get out of bed as he is coughing, apparently to get him ready for an ambulance. As he coughs when walking past me to my right, a large drop of blood suddenly flies from his mouth and lands on the lower right of the right page of my open dream journal. A smaller drop hits the back of my right hand near my fingers. I have concern for my father and a lesser concern about the page’s status, though I get the impression that the blood spot might eventually fade. I remain where I am, slightly puzzled. I start to think of how my father is old and his organs are not functioning like they used to. I wake shortly after he had left the room with the unknown male. I vaguely sense my mother is present but I do not see her.

---

Inexplicable threads: Zsuzsanna had seen an event in a movie related to someone dreaming about blood coming from their mouth prior to my sleep. (I had not known of this prior to my dream.) Additionally, I developed a bad cough shortly after this dream, the worse cough I have had in my life so far (though there was no blood, only mucus). As a result, I consider this dream as both prescient and influenced by Zsuzsanna’s thoughts, with three layers of synchronicity (as I had also recently reflected on a dream from March 1975 relating to watermelon as blood and flesh and coming out between pages of my dream journal).

Biological prescience relating to my health validates that my father represented me in this dream. It is additionally validated by the doorway waking symbolism, as I am usually the one to exit a dream as my emergent consciousness.

RAS mediation was atypical. Instead of the personified preconscious directing attention at my dream self, he escorted my father from my dream (additionally validating that my father represented my conscious self identity in a prescient sense, even though I was completely unaware of my current real life in my dream).

This dream’s waking symbolism is oriented to my dream self’s right as it most often is. (This may be the result of sleeping on my left side.)

---

Had a long chain dream.

In a large town hall, in a seated area listening to a forum on healthy living. Lots of opinions and ideas raised. It seemed to be mostly women in the audience, seems its related to some course of study.
I notice a couple if the women, though young are very sizeable.
From here we move onto another room, where there is food and beverages. I think its a break before the next part of the day.
I am bored and want to see what is going to be happening next.So I snoop around the building. It is a kind of labyrinth with lots of interconnected rooms on different levels, although it is quite a confined space. I realise that it used to be a school annex and they are using resources that were there previously. I notice old health displays and pretend food. My eye is drawn to a box of cornflakes and a plastic yellow corn cob next to it.
There is not much of interest here, however it is very quiet and kind if cosy.
I go through to the other room where everyone is still chatting and find a women. She has long fair hair and is fairly plump. I take her through into the empty part if the building and we start making out.

D₁- I am at my TKD school and I ask to keep/make a copy of my hours sheet for my blue collar. The instructor asks,"Why!' I just kinda shrug and reply,"I want to keep up with my hours at home." As I take my freesparring gear home, everyone keeps staring at me.

D₂- One of my really good friends,chelsea, comes rushing towards me babbling about some psychic she saw. Stating that the psychic said I have scepticism, then the psychic shows up and starts to lecture us on our health.

Dream - Lucid

I was playing a game that looked like it was on a handheld system. It had 8 or 16 bit graphics, I can't remember which, but they reminded me of Gameboy graphics. It was a League of Legends-type game. You'd walk around and kill other players, but your health bar at the top was also tracking the health of your kidneys. It would randomly go up or down and show a percentage off the the side as well, showing how healthy your kidneys were. If you got hit while your kidneys were at low health, you would die. My character had low kidney health the first game, and the health bar kept dropping. There was someone playing with me, walking next to me. I think their kidneys were in better health than mine. I think my character lost their life because of the low kidney health, though I can't recall for sure. I played more than once. I remember encountering enemies and seeing their attacks affect my health and retreating, though even after my retreat, my health still went down. I remember having just a tiny bit left at one point.

~

I was in a bar with some friends. We had stopped there on the way to a hotel. I was going to have a party at the hotel. At the bar, I thought I saw my mom, but she looked a little different and was a bit taller. I made note to tell my mom I saw her "twin". When I saw her from the side, she looked substantially different.

More people started to show up to the bar, David from my old job, Sara from high school, and Sarah from my old job being the ones I remember. Sarah had bought some weed on the way there. I looked in my purse, unzipped the inside pocket, and saw it in there. This was gonna be an awesome party!

We were then in the hotel room, which had two beds, partying it up. There were lots of people there. Sara was making everyone laugh as she so often did in high school. Sarah was in a blue strapless dress like the one she recently wore at a wedding IWL. I don't know where David was anymore. Anyway, we were playing video games as well. It was a lot of fun. I also smoked weed at some point. I also saw an above-view of the party at one point, almost as if I was viewing the scene from a security camera. I saw some girls that are good friends with Sarah, A and K. I saw that K was walking with silver, metal prosthetic legs. At first I wasn't sure if that's what I was seeing or not, and kept watching her. Sure enough. they were metal legs. I wondered what had happened, but I knew it hadn't happened long ago, and was amazed at how quickly she had recovered and learned to walk with prosthesis. I then saw her walking into the bathroom, one of her legs being kind of wobbly. I had a feeling it would fall off. I then saw her walking out of the bathroom holding the leg. I saw the stump where her real leg had been.

Then, at some point, my mom showed up. I don't know why, but she did. I didn't want to hear her lecture me as she is so good at doing. I think she did, though I'm not sure what it was about. I don't remember much about this part.

Then, it was the next day. There were few people around now, as most had gone home. I was wondering whether I still had the weed in my purse. I checked, and there it was. I thought about how Sarah had probably only bought a little for the party, but would buy a lot for herself. I then was wondering if I still had a piece the smoke out of or not. I knew Sarah had taken the piece we were using the night before. I didn't think I had anything but one that was old and broken. I thought about rolling it up in small pieces of printer paper and smoking it. I then thought about how I had already smoked the night before, and how I had just kissed almost two years of sobriety goodbye. I didn't feel an overwhelming urge to smoke though, which was good I suppose. I guess I felt like I could take it or leave it, but I still wanted to take it. I dunno, hard to explain.

~

I was in a kitchen, throwing things away in the overflowing trashcan. There were plates and bowls in there that looked like Dallas and I's waking life plates and bowls. They were at the top. They were stacked there because there was no room to put them in the sink either.

I then saw that my cat had fleas, and was itching like crazy. She had a balding spot on her back from all the scratching. I knew it was time to get her a flea treatment. I needed help giving it to her though, so I went to go ask Cherie' to help me. I walked up to Cherie' and told her I was going to get Ziggy some flea meds (Ziggy was a cat I had years ago IWL; my current cat's name is Belle). We were in a weird place that looked like it was outside also, by the intersection that was close to our IWL apartment. I then told her something about her insurance, and I was getting these letters from it saying they needed something from her, money probably. She asked me why I hadn't told her about that before. I don't remember my response. The insurance stuff had something to do with the overflowing trashcan in the kitchen, though I can't remember what.

Dream

I make some kind of potion which is suppose to enhance longevity and health. The indigence are strong substances that you would think are toxic. Your average person wouldn't be able to get their head around it.

I'm down an isle in a supermarket. My brother is in another isle, about to drink the potion. I'm yelling out to him to not be a pussy and that it's good for you. I'm unsure if he actually tries it.
Daryl has tried it and he comes to me and says he tried it. I'm holding a glass which has the dark liquid in it. It's only filled up about an inch. I take tiny sip and my whole mouth and throat close up on me. It's the weirdest feeling. It's like I had just drank pure poison. This freaked me out a lot, changing my perspective on what I had created. I wasn't convinced that this would be beneficial, and that it would be down right dangerous.

Dream Fragment

I can see the Honey I had bought today. It wasn't in it's original container and now is in a squeeze bottle.

at a restaurant, or at a political meeting that had a restaurant's menu. i was looking at the menu, with my mom. i was trying to decide what to get. there was a pork thing that looked ok, kind of like pork fajitas. but something about it wasn't perfect. the pork looked really plain and boring. there was a sandwich on a huge loaf of bread, it looked gross cause it had too much bread. and it came with this weird rice patty that didnt look good...plus that would be too much starchy in one meal. i asked my mom if there were more choices on the other isle.

i found old pictures, and was going thru. they took a couple seconds of movement. it was some fancy film my mom had gotten me once. i decided i really liked it, and since technologty could handle it these days, i'd get it more often. there were pictures of old guys i used to date. or jessica did. 3 guys, all 3 pretty decent cute. i went into the memory, and got the 2 cutest so we could hook up or kiss or something. they seemed to be remembering me, a little playing uninterested, but they came with me.

at this political thing with my mom and other people. a lady gets a bouquet. she asks where she should put it, should it be displayed in a certain way for the event's benefit? no, the flowers are just for her own personal use in whatever way she would like, the event has enough
bouquets of its own. so she is happy, and tries to find a vase to keep them in. i look with her. there are two vases. one looks much to big and wide. so i pick the other one. she wants to keep the flowers private for herself. wheni put them in the vase, part of the boquet gets smushed in the sides because the side flowers are too short and go too deep into the vase so the glass covers them. i'm disappointed, and know she must not be satisfied with that. i think maybe the wide one would be better, even if it is too big, at least the wideness wouldnt smush the flowers. but i think the boquet might already be somewhat damaged, so it wont even be as pretty as it was. the side flowers were pretty delicate




notes:
just got home from moms, back at my house. barely got any sleep. stayed up all night reading about dreams and lucid dreaming, wanting to do that.

dreamt about my mom, political event and food because my mom is really invovled in politics right now and always going to events for it, and food because i am on a new diet with my brother that is low carb/starch/sugar. the flowers were like when i volunteer at the farmer's market and bill gives us a boquet of flowers as a thank you to take home with us.
i dont know why i dreamt of the boys or photos. maybe because i was looking at photos on my computer last night, and i wouldnt mind some male companionship. amanda did just send an email saying how she thinks i really do want sex and a man, just am not focusing on it right now.

what this dream could mean: i want to fulfill my desires, i want to make the right choices, but sometimes the choice doesn't even seem to be 'on the menu' or available, so i just have to settle for something that won't be too bad. i'm learning what i want and what things i like and starting to make decisions about how i want my life to be and how i want to spend my time. (like recording my dreams again and doing dream work and trying to lucid dream etc) i have a desire to help people and i think i am recieving a good thing, nice insights, great talent, opportunities etc, but i dont have the right "container" for them, to support the life i desire, maybe not living in the right place, dont have the right community, or enough energy, etc....need to find the right container because i feel like the delicate beauty in my life is being spoiled and not seen.

I am in a office building. The ground is carpetd a dark grey with gentle pattern. I do not recall a great deal of the dream other than the fact that someone in front of me falls down. The dreams is dark and becomes slightly shadowed. It is a man, he is slightly over weight wearing a business shirt and I think jeans. I rush forward and check his pulse, none. Quickly I put him in the recovery position and check his air way, clear. Putting him back on his back he is not breathing, I start cpr. I continue this for some time, someone has called for help, I keep pushing forward with the cpr but there is no response.
Soon help arrives and the man is picked up by the ambos. I am angry and frustrated that there was no response. The man is taken down an elevator from the sixth floor, as soon as he reaches the first floor his pule starts back up.

! A relieved and for some reason that I do not recall I have to head down the lift as well. As I travel own I hit the first floor and there is a pulse of energy that waves through us and then passes. The lift is light enough with walls that are made out of glass, I a in the lift with another man, he seems to be a guide of mine but is here to watch and see what happens. Nothing more. I awake before I hit the ground floor.

Nb. The dream was more than a dream, I w testing out skills, one that I spoke to Lisa about a few days ago so it was interesting to see the skills be used in the correct manor and that I was able to recall them.

i am lying on the couch in the living room of the old townhouse. it is night and the room is lit by lamps. i feel very ill and feverish. my mother is here. she tells me to get up and go to school. i reply that i can't, i have meningitis and i should be in the hospital. she screams at me and we have a long argument. i am intensely angry. later i wonder if i am going to die and think about what my boyfriend would do if i did. (i was violently ill before i fell asleep which probably accounts for the focus on illness here).

in the next scene i am walking to my high school. it is snowy and i am with my father. i find an iphone sticking out of a snowbank. i ask my father if it's ok to take it. he says yes, so i do. then i am inside the library at my elementary school with some other people. we are watching a movie on a projector screen. at one point there is some starbucks product placement in the movie and starbucks gift cards pop out of the screen and onto the floor. the other people and i scramble to grab them up. they keep coming, along with some lollipops and -- hydrocodone pills... i grab several pills and remark to C.W. that i'm surprised it was legal for the filmmakers to do this.

then i am working at a daycare for disabled children. i am standing on a large circular mezzanine in a domed wooden building with a rustic/old-fashioned atmosphere. there is a matronly black woman here. later i am taking a bath while covered by a white canopy to research therapies for autism?

finally i am outside, on a beautiful rocky coastline. i am listening to a lecture about canadian geography from a disembodied voice. i sprinkle green powder onto a moss-covered slope which i recognize to be british columbia. the voice is now talking about aboriginal tribes: "our friends, the mogwai, are dead..." finally the subject of the lecture changes to buddhism. i don't recall what the voice said.

the general atmosphere of these dreams is unpleasant.

slept 11:30 - 9:00, awakening and falling back asleep several times between 7 and 9

i am in a large, dark house with some caribbean women who appear to be in their 50s-60s. they are acting strangely. someone tells me that in their culture, it is considered polite not to acknowledge strangers. later i am cutting myself in the bathroom (similar to townhouse bathroom) and the blood is getting everywhere. later still, the women and i are in a room with a young red-haired child. he keeps changing in size, from the size of an average 4 year old to the size of a mouse. he crawls around on the floor. the women are thinking of adopting him.

then i am in a "hospital", which is similar to the house in colour scheme. there is a lot of wood. i am a nurse here and i am watching over a middle aged man. his hospital room is a huge cylindrical tank with transparent walls. he is sitting in the far end of the tank, attached to many machines. he is wearing a sports jersey. i leave the room and report to the doctor, a tall young woman, that he is doing ok. she decides to initiate a different treatment. the tank is filled with water and numerous small, pink, swimming creatures. i go into the tank to explain the treatment to the man, but the creatures keep swimming into my mouth and it feels very uncomfortable. i leave. the doctor tells me to prepare a powerpoint on cellular respiration and photosynthesis.

in a fragment i can't place, i am at some kind of religious ceremony. the "church" seems to be underground and has a domed ceiling with pillars that fan out at the capitals; everything is hewn of grey-beige stone. somewhat gothic architecture?

in a different dream, i am playing with dogs in a park. it is hilly, with yellow-brown grass: beside the chainlink fence is a stone chasm and then a road. a beige concrete overpass stands further away, over the road, and in the distance, a cityscape can be seen. the sky is bright blue and clear. occasionally i see a massive red balloon rising over the city. it is very beautiful.

my final dream begins as a video game but the perspective changes. it is night in a cartoonish landscape; the land is pine green, the sky dark blue and full of stars. there is a little boy here whose pupils are shaped like crosses. he sees an area where the land slopes down, inwardly-curving, to a beach; but the slope has been separated from the level land, creating a vertical cliff. he realizes that he must push the cliff and the slope back together to save the other children. there is a segment of this dream which engenders a strong bittersweet feeling inside me, and repeats several times: the boy floats up into the sky among the stars, holding on to a red balloon.

did not sleep at all previous night. napped from about 4:30 - 6 pm, took 30mg temazepam + 100mg trazodone and slept from 10pm-6:30 am; still tired upon waking.

i am on a bus with soldiers who are returning from war. they are meeting their newborn children for the first time. the babies all have square sections of their skull cut out to reveal coagulated blood and unidentifiable tissue underneath. there are black tubes coming out of the centre of these sections. in the dream, this is not disturbing to me. i just assume the babies have recently had surgery.

later i am in a large basement, which is unlike any basement i have been in in real life but which has featured in my dreams before. there is a tall french man talking (in french) about farts.

the imagery in these dreams was not as vivid as my dream imagery typically is. sometimes my vision would fade or objects would turn black.

i am with two imaginary friends. the dream begins in the park across the street from my school; it is winter and thick snow covers the ground. we are going to go to finland so one of my friends can get a scholarship for music. we have to walk lightly so the police won't be able to track our footprints.

we reach finland in a couple of minutes and enter into a large building with beige stone walls, great windows, and domed ceilings: the university. my one friend goes into the music room, leaving us free to explore other areas. i go into another room and find a shelf that contains papers on the history of finland & what i believe to be the earliest documents written in finnish. next i enter another room whose walls are covered in racks of clothing. i understand that these clothes are being given away for free, so i take some, although it is difficult to find clothes in my size.

later, outside the university, i meet my boyfriend. he jacks off and ejaculates on my thigh. there are no emotions or sexual sensations associated with this.

then i am working at a "record store" - a large, disorganized shop that seems to sell everything except records. nicki minaj comes in and asks for some vodka. i cannot serve her because i don't have a license: i feel awkward and incompetent. however a man who works at the store ends up serving her for me.

finally my two friends and i decide to visit thailand. thailand, evidently, is a large country home owned by an old lady. we are hungry, but the food here is strange. after several unappetizing choices the lady offers me a dish of fruit pieces and flowers in clear jelly, which i gladly consume: it has a delicate, sweet and light taste.

i enter into a bedroom in the house. it has blue walls and the layout is similar to my bedroom in real life. there is a sunflower on a yellow vase in my dresser. i have several vials of chemicals. i want to use a chemical that causes genetic mutations on the sunflower so that i can grow different varieties. i have to be very careful while handling this chemical because if it makes contact with my skin i will get cancer. i empty the vial into the sunflower pot but then i look at the label and realize i have just poured a great amount of acetic acid into the soil. i do not want to kill the plant so i use a vial of ammonium chloride to 'neutralize' the acid (dream self is not good at chemistry). however i quickly realize that this reaction produces chlorine gas (again... terrible chemistry...). i freak out. i get short of breath, light-headed and my vision begins to fade.

i wake up.

extremely fitful, disordered sleep. probably withdrawal from desvenfalaxine 100mg + other health issues. surreal and vivid imagery tonight. fell asleep for 1st time around 11pm, woke up every hour or so until ~3am, woke up at 7ish and fell back into fitful sleep until mid-afternoon

around 11-12pm
i am upstairs in a version of my house. i realize that my house looks different and suspect i am dreaming, so i do a reality check (breathing through plugged nose). it succeeds and i become lucid. i run outside (it is sunny and beautiful) and begin rubbing my hands together to stabilize the dream. unfortunately, it fades quickly and i wake up.


i had other dreams during the night but i do not remember them.

6-7 am
the entirety of this dream takes place downtown. the atmosphere is somewhat bleak - it's grey and snowy - but the sun is out.

first i am having a debate with Richard Dawkins and a Christian theologist in a parking lot. the debate is on the subject of marxism. many people are watching from the main part of downtown, which is several miles away; the geometry in this scene doesn't make very much sense. dawkins keeps attaching balloons to himself and floating miles into the air, carrying his debate on from the sky. at times it becomes night; the sky turns deep blue and stars come out. i complain to a friend that i can't hear dawkins from up there and she chastises me, saying i should pay more attention.

next there is a new attraction downtown: a massive tower which houses a gigantic transparent tube. you enter the tube and it shoots you up to the top of the tower, then back down. my boyfriend decides to try it. a team of middle-aged women in black uniforms pack him into the tube and i watch as he jets into the air then falls down at an astonishing speed. afterwards he mentions something about "astronaut MILFs".

then i sit down at an outdoor table where a group of unfamiliar people are eating. they arent bothered by my presence, surprisingly. i pick up a menu: some of it is in english, some of it in the Cyrillic alphabet. i decide that the cyrillic language is lithuanian (does lithuanian use cyrillic? i don't know... anyway...) i have no money to order food but the people let me eat some of their food. it tastes delicious: savoury and sweet. the dishes were primarily meat-based. at one point the restaurant owner comes over and asks me if i have any questions. i cannot reply because my mouth is full of food, but i point to an item on the Cyrillic menu for which no price is listed. she explains that this is an entire roast pig and due to the quality of the meat and the preparation time it costs around 900 dollars. she gives me a meatball from it as a sample. it tastes nice. there is a tripadvisor rating in the window of the restaurant: 5.0/10.

later i am walking through downtown with my red-haired imaginary friend from a previous dream. i complain that i am sick. she tells me i probably have problems with my liver and i disagree with some recondite explanation involving the amount of water in my body. as i discuss water the windows of an adjacent skyscraper seem to turn to segmented/striated bodies of water.

finally i am walking behind two men and overhearing their conversation. they are talking about a man who was found murdered in a dilapidated house. an old woman found him, rebuilt the house and made it amazingly beautiful, but she had left his corpse in its original position. these men had been hired to clean corpse secretions off of the furniture so the house could be sold.


9-10 am
i am in a large, disorganized country house in which the dominant hue is deep yellow. several teenage boys live here. at some point i begin writing a short story about living in this place. as i write the story, by narrating it in my head, the scenes play out in my vision.

the opening scene is rendered in Poser-style primitive CGI. a generic model of a man -- hairless, no identifiable facial features, no genitalia -- jerks around erratically within a cubic matrix formed by grey rods which connect red, yellow and blue spheres to each other (think of a 3d molecular model). the background is blank white. there is a soundtrack of erratic, metallic electronic music, something like aphex twin, but more aggressive.

the next scene takes place within the country home and involves the boys. i cannot remember specific events, besides one where a boy accidentally burned my arm with a cigarette and i punched him in the face, but i recall that this scene was very long and involved a great deal of violence + homoeroticism.

the final scene is staged in a massive, darkened room. there are two glowing crystals here, one green and one blue; i understand that these represent Zeus and Hera. one of the boys is here too, floating naked in midair and dwarfed by the dimensions of the room. the crystal discuss various things. at one point a thunderbolt strikes. there is no definitive conclusion to this scene.

the story replays over and over in my head, at least 5 times, in the perseverative manner of some fever dreams. i am very proud of the story i have written -- to me it seems to address lofty, complex themes and it takes me on an emotional journey; i recall being impressed by the complex syntax and clever wordplay of my writing. my story, i believe, transgresses and deconstructs the entire institution of contemporary western literature...

in another dream i am at a swimming contest of some sort. i need id to enter the changing rooms and i do not have id. i try to sneak in through the back door, and i succeed, but i become lost in the maze of changing rooms: there are dozens of different rooms, separated by ages as well as by gender. i eventually find the correct one. i get changed, go into the pool and begin the contest which apparently involves me tackling people while demanding they tell me what subgenre a random metal band belongs to.

the winners of the contest are me & my friend M.M. the prizes are books -- a compilation of Hesse's Siddhartha & Steppenwolf and some imaginary tome of Faulkner's. (my subconscious loves namedropping, apparently.) M. chooses the Hesse book and I am a bit disappointed because I had wanted it (in real life i would have preferred faulkner!). i look inside the Faulkner book and there is a picture of a beautiful blue-walled estate with exquisite Gothic architecture, which takes up the majority of a small island. i am awed at its beauty. this is Faulkner's home, I understand; the island has some absurdly long and comically French name.

i am at the "doctor's office" for a checkup. the doctor's office is a large circular mezzanine located in a tall cylindrical structure. everything is made of brushed metal and creates a sort of sci-fi atmosphere. a red and yellow cylindrical tower rises from the centre of the structure. my father is here also. i am naked. the doctor says that i am very underweight and my father is greatly concerned by this. to demonstrate how thin i am the doctor picks me up and begins shaking me around.

then i am in a house. there is a dog here, a small cream-coloured husky. i understand that i will soon have to leave here forever. there is a feeling of great sadness.

next i am "downtown" with a chubby teenage girl. we wander into an alleyway and open a door to a dilapidated corridor. there are three doors here, each with windows; from what i can see through the windows, this appears to be some sort of child sex ring. the rooms house a number of female children, ages 8-12; they are all naked. the girl and i enter one of the rooms and we're relieved to discover (by looking at a framed poster on a wall) that in fact, this is not a child prostitution operation: the children are just working for a cereal company! this makes complete sense to us.

we enter another room. this room is white and contains several young girls who are all clothed in 50s style blue-white dresses. they have various deformities; it soon dawns on me that this is an institution for the mentally disabled. one of the girls tries to bite me. we leave.

next, my boyfriend and i are attending a music performance at a coffee shop. we arrive after the performance has finished, so we offer to put a tv show on to entertain the others. i want to put on a show about a frog without a tongue, but my boyfriend is intensely disgusted by this. i decide to put on a show about dolphins instead. however, all the dolphin shows i can find are crappy cgi videos; we want to look at real dolphins. the song vox humana - deerhunter is involved somehow. (absolutely amazing song, listen to it).

seems to have been a full-fledged dream but i can't recall all of it. at the beginning of the dream i was watching a video. the video focused on a brown-haired teenage boy. he was quite thin, very pale and had reddish areas on his skin that resembled abrasions. i understood that he was very ill and close to death, although he was acting normally. he was lying on a bed under rainbow sheets in a blue-walled room. the lights were off but a window let rays of white light through. his shirt was off and i understood that this was a pornographic video, although i don't recall ever seeing anything that would indicate that. there is a strange atmosphere about this scene.

at some point the viewpoint switches: i am no longer watching the video but inside of it. the boy lives in a large house (warm hues, oranges and reds) with many other people - i recall a young blonde-haired woman. there was some controversy over the fact that the boy had been in a porn video. some people hinted that he had other videos in which he performed very perverse sex acts.

edit: i have another memory, but i'm not sure whether it's a dream or not! i was walking from my bedroom to the bathroom and i was bumping into everything. very clumsy. the setting was indistinguishable from real life but the extent of my clumsiness makes me think it may have been a dream... also the fact that i didn't see any bruises on myself on the morning... but i took benzos on an empty stomach before bed, so who knows.

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rather odd dream, made me a bit uncomfortable when i woke up. a quick analysis - the theme of this dream seems to have been derived from a) a uh, porn video that i watched recently that involved a man who resembled the one in the dream and b) a documentary about a hospital for disabled vietnamese orphans. i am not sure why my subconscious decided to combine them, but there you are.

the "strange atmosphere" i talk about was an odd sort of calmness... i would define it as acceptance of, and contentment with, one's impending death.