All DJ Entries

I don't remember how the dream started, but We somehow ended up at this one fort and I finally remembered to do a Reality Check and got Lucid. I saw this one Army truck and was curious what was inside.
I went and Opened up the back of the truck and It was Yamimash sitting in the back of the truck.
I was all like what are you doing here and so so. We were talking about how he got there for a bit and somehow ended up at my house.
I got bored so I went on the computer and see if there's anything I can do while still in this dream.
I just got bored of that dream and woke up myself.

This was last night, the night I tried to do FILD. Then WILD. Nothing worked, although my body was acting weird. Anyways, here I go.

It started out in a view of a girl IWL in my classes, and it turned to 3rd person view of a someone else, a guy with a beard.

"Hhaah, non nono, you cant have THAT if you want to join THIS" He said, or something like that.

"A-are you serious?" She said, infact I said because she was part of my sub-conscious :3

"Yes, I am serious. NOW GO TAKE IT OFF!" He said, handing her a knife. She walked into a bus, and it transitioned to me.

A teacher that seemed familiar from a TV show was there, saying things. Could not hear him. Anyways, I seemed annoyed the fact I knew that the girl was hurt and for some reason I was mad.

I was about to make a cocky remark about that when he talks about something else.

I shot up and said something immature, very immature considering I am a young guy who is mature unlike his classmates.

This whole time, I still never became Lucid.

And then, I sat back down. No one seemed to hear, except a booming laugh around the dream world happened.
Anyways, I sat down and asked "Why cant we ever leave this school?"

"Because their are lots of russians with guns guarding the place, if you step outside not during recess, KCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCT"

That scared me, so the scene cut to recess. I was sad, but when I cried my nose bled. I tried to control it, although my dream wanted me to make someone feel bad.

So I burst outside, and was crying with blood dripping down.


Then I woke up.

Last night I had a lot of non lucid dreams, but I can't recall a lot of them, I remember being at some small Alien spaceship. I was trying to reach earth again, and A LOt of aliens were near the moon. My spaceship was kinda like a floater (you know, one of those pool toys for the kids). When I reached earth I started fighting the aliens and then woke up, that was weird.
Damn... I think I forgot the other one... I'll try to remember and edit this post later

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00:00 Wednesday 2013-12-18 comp #16 night #6 LD #12

01:37 bedtime. Exercised late, had to do late shopping afterwards, ate very late, sat around digesting until after good bedtime.

05:47 a long dream about something.....just couldn't get it! Only two really really vague fragments Spent 30 minutes trying to recall, resulting in being VERY awake.

05:57

F1) there were experts and there were newbies

F2) pigeons

06:40? out of bed, into rocking chair

07:06 BTB-1. Room feels too hot, bed uncomfortable

07:15? feel no progress, not sleepy at all, a bit hungry, to kitchen for cereal

07:27 BTB-2
feel some sleepiness on tap as I get into bed, comfortable, will get to sleep I predict.

07:45? almost asleep, wife starts snoring put in earplugs.

08:00 wife up to do breakfast duty, bed to myself, let's get down to business I think.

09:25 LD #12

1) on a wide tall circular spiral slide/"staircase". I'm sliding down the staircase slowly. There are girls spaced along the railings in provocative poses. I try to slide closer to one to cuddle, but she keeps sliding away from me. I give up eventually and imagine "OK if you don't want it, fine." it's just not meant to be, I slide farther down the slide, with my hand held behind me in case my "girlfriend" wants to come to me. A moment later I feel a hand in mine and I smile thinking she's interested after all.

2) In a large indoor area walking with a bunch of other young guys, in like a mall. We're playing football. We're horsing around with the ball making mock football plays. We're moving farther down the hallway. At one point the play starts suddenly going in the opposite direction. I'm running along back the way we came with the guys, and I'm running through a group of cheerleaders. All of a sudden I stop dead in my tracks. I look to the left and see some cute cheerleaders. I instantly take one of them into my arms and think, "I'm dreaming." and I'm lucid immediately, quickly. The view becomes super clear and vivid and totally lifelike right away. There are a bunch of people all around. She has her arms around my shoulders but she's standing at a distance. She's looking into my eyes with an expression of amazement/shock/annoyance/confusion/what-are-you-doing? with kind of a frown. She's young and cute. In a few seconds her expression softens and she "melts" into my arms, and we're holding each other tightly and we enter into a deep passionate kiss. I keep my eyes open! I'm enjoying the kiss but I'm thinking ahead. "OK, dream goals!" I think. I feel like I have good waking life memory connection. The dream feels very stable, very solid, I feel like I can indulge for a little. I'm taking in the surroudings around me, and I notice that a second cheerleader is standing directly behind "my" girl. Girl #2 is looking directly at me with a very mischievous "hey baby" expression, and then flashes her eyebrows at me 2-3 times comicly/suggestively, like she's saying "I'm next! Let's have some fun" I want to get to competition goals but here I am in a passionate embrace with a super cute cheerleader. It's interesting I note that the girl I'm still kissing is "fuzzy" and "out of focus" in my "peripheral vision" while I'm looking at girl #2 and around the mall. "OK," I think to myself, planning out my actions, "open eyed kiss with this one, then an open eyed kiss with you [#2], then..." ... and I'm awake in bed. ARGH! Total lucid elapsed time, ~15-20 seconds.

Decsion: Cheerleader. Competition points. CHEERLEADER. OK that's settled, easy decision .

Way too excited to DEILD back in but I try anyway for maybe 30 seconds. I felt totally in command/control, confident, and the dream stable, but looing at the time of the dream it appears to be right at the end of a 90 minute sleep cycle so it may just have been "end of dream time." Or perhaps I was just getting too stimulated by all the noshing...

Really short memory of non-lucid leading up to lucidity, unusual for me...
I have a suspicion that I may have "willed" myself lucid, it did not feel like a MILD trigger or a slowly building awareness, in fact right up to the moment of lucidity the dream felt very zombie-like, just-go-with-the-flow. Maybe the first ADA/RC LD?
I have recently been using daytime mantras walking around imagining becoming lucid, e.g., "wait a minute! I'm dreaming." And "Stop! I'm dreaming!" So they may have kicked in!

Normally I do not remember dream faces well but I got a good look at girl #2's face and I think I have a slight memory of it. (No idea about #1, except I think short haired blonde). Short-medium length brunette hair. A very pleasant face, not super-model-sexy, but very nice girl-next-door, *real* girl look. More like in her 20's than teen.

Girl #2 eyebrow flash was actually really funny in retrospect.

09:38 back to sleep again. too excited. up for a bit.

11:07 trying for "nap" still feel sleepy

11:28 wife comes in, wakes me up.

There is so much to write - I will do it in chunks over the day.
Even more than the below - but I leave it at a dream and a fragment - forgot what I had dictated.

An earlier dream:
I was in a lecture on dream-content and real life connections.
It was possible to watch other persons dreams - also my own ones.
But in the end it was about a supposedly very famous case of - on the one hand mental disorder - on the other hand manifesting things from his dreams in the real world.
Funny, now I got to think about Mylynes tutorial..
But he calls it hallucination - in my dream it was manifestation.

An earlier fragment:
Sitting with a friend of mine in a café she knows the owner of and eating lots of delicious cakes with cream.
There is a beautiful girl next table over - but somehow we know, her boyfriend will not come - leave her like that altogether - and we talked about that.


The dream:
I did a WBTB after 7+ hours of falling asleep - trying WILD a la Sageous.
Almost worked - at one point I felt myself slipping in some weird bodily way and saw maybe 10 light-points on the back of my eye-lids - and that startled me awake.
Aha!
Got to tell Sageous - fell into the trap he so much tries people to warn of..
Naja - after it was clear I was too awake - also with frustration - I rolled over and slept.

The following dream had me - luckily! - at that house of my first boyfriend´s parents again.
The usual business - if you want to look for the non-lucid part of it - just read back some nights - and you get the picture.
I came to hate these weird dreams lately.
This time the thought popped into my mind - like hm - I dream of this sometimes.
Then it almost went like my last posted miss in the "most stupid way.." - I "concluded" - but it must be real - I am here after all!

This time I RCed anyway.
I had lucids, where it was obvious from the onset - but this again was one, where I did about 5 RCs before believing it.
I keep suspecting that I cheat on the nose-plug - but the finger-counting seems very reliable.
Yepp - lucid!

I hovered a bit and looked at things - trying to change objects for the competition.
But it didn´t work at all - what I looked at fiercely - just got more detailed and clear and more beautiful - but didn´t change.
That was a bit frustrating - I also tried it on the younger brother - but that ended up otherwise.
No dream-sex as such, not even touching each other - but lets say - we were on about it on our owns.
But didn´t work completely - rather I felt excited for a while afterwards - sort of didn´t get rid of it.
Maybe I edit this out later - but why actually not write it.
What I keep out of here are rather conflicts or situations too close to my personality/real life concerns.

Naja - I made fun of everybody without feeling guilty (the mother, the brother, some visitor) - or maybe it is better to say - I made a joke out of myself with "outrageous behaviour".

Then I left the flat - I didn´t think of TOTMs the whole dream - but I did think about the comp.
Maybe because I didn´t manage that change-stuff - and this was the next and such only goal.
Outside I started flying about normally - and came down on the roof of an abandoned train-wagon.

Then it came to my mind to try flying superwoman style.
Took my right arm up and at a steep angle - well - and wasn´t prepared at all for what I "expected".
I shot up at that angle in an absolutely mind-boggling speed - in one blink - I was so high, I almost couldn´t discern features on the ground any more.
I believe I squealed and wailed and was absolutely terrified..
Even worse almost - having to decide and take that arm down and expecting not to fall - in less than a second - but I managed to float down.

I met a friend of mine then - in front of her door - we went up into her room, talked a bit - I forgot to tell her I was dreaming and see what she says - I just pretended to be normal.
When she left the room for some reason - I tried to change her jewellery on a shelf - again - stuff got more sparkly and intricate - but didn´t change.

After quite a lot of effort - I thought - ah well - I do it with looking away and expecting sweets instead of a pendant - this worked!
It was chocolate with metallic-looking wrapping - I unwrapped it and ate it.
Even tasted like chocolate - but not very intensely - and again - it was a bit difficult to feel it in my mouth. Forgot counting eating for the comp..

I was again outside after that, from where I woke up - but I can´t remember any thing at the moment about what that was.

I remember being out on a trip or staying the night somewhere with friends and relatives. Matt was there and we were talking about a shared dream we had. People looked on in amazement and disbelief.

Matt would describe something and I would relate and finish it. The content of the dream we were talking about is interesting, it was like it was another dream I had earlier that night and now here I am in this dream talking about it.

I remember only part of it. There was a tree with lots of blocks hanging down like fruit. And I accidentally hit one with my head and a tree popped out of it a lot like Mario games. It grew into a tree itself. Funny.

--

Another piece i remember is being in some sort of hall or auditorium, or church. My wife was there but not sitting by me. I said something about my journey being important…. And she flipped out, “oh, your journey is the most Woo Woo thing ever!” I started defending, but then I realized I cannot argue with her. And that’s her story. Wow my wife who I thought was supportive all along has now exploded with disdain for my spiritual journey.

I looked at the dude in front of her. He was familiar, like an uncle, but I don’t remember who. He shrugged and agreed with me. And said he can’t say anything because he’s an entertainer. Ok?

I see 13 arcade cabinets from the back, all in a row, showing how the wood of each one has been repaired and refinished.

I was in my car and leaving a town which I belatedly realized was under quarantine, and I should not have left. I do not know whether due to this, but my car suddenly got flat tires. I decided to turn around and return to this town I had left. First I tried driving on flat tires, but when that did not work well, I started propelling my car with my feet sticking out the bottom. I was also not feeling well. When I reached the town, I got informed that the emergency room was too busy. I asked if it would make a difference if I walked into emergency room, and they said it was worth a try. There was no mention of fixing the car's tires - unless that was what I expected from the emergency room?

Morning of December 18, 2013. Wednesday.



In one dream, we appear to be visiting an (unknown) person on the right side of a T-section dock in a larger boathouse (seemingly part of a strange composite using the Salton Sea, California, the Mississippi near La Crosse, and an area near the Florida Keys). There is another boathouse mirrored almost exactly to the opposite side of the T-section dock. The owner we know in my dream is probably about forty years old. There is an area for a small motorboat near the right-front that is almost like a connected garage (at water level) so that the boat comes up almost to the front door of the boathouse. The man seems to be sharing a story based on a recent event where he thought that a visitor was very unintelligent because they asked why he did not have an additional place for the boat near the back of the boathouse so that when he travels from a trip in the other direction, it would supposedly be “easier” to moor (even though the only door is on the front of the boathouse). Apparently the person was also looking at the far-right area for another potential spot to moor (in case the boat had been traveling from that direction as well). It seems very amusing for him. Apparently, he also seems to indicate that the other person thought that if a person is traveling from the left of the T-section, he would reach the other boathouse and never get to his (not having enough intelligence to know that you can just go around). This was rather odd and impersonal for a dream. It could possibly relate more to persistent stubbornness rather than a lack of intelligence. For example, a person may stop near you as if you are “in their way”, when they could just walk around you with little effort or difficulty. There was, however, a person in real life that we used to see who would actually stop when there was anything in front of him, even a division of the sidewalk or a particularly dark line on the floor of a store’s aisle (as if it were a “wall”). This relates to some sort of condition, but I do not presently recall the name. It was unusual seeing someone do this. He acted as if he could not get past implied two-dimensional “barriers”. I never really watched or stared, so I do not know what he eventually did as I left the scene. He also stopped near our baby pram once even though it was to the right of him and nowhere near being in his way, so I just turned around and went the other direction.

In the other dream, we are living in the same house as a person who lives near us on the same street in one direction (but across an alleyway - we live in a corner house) in real life, but whom we do not see very often (he rarely seems to be actually living there over longer time periods) and do not know very well. I am walking around in a seemingly shared living area, yet there also seems to be features of a very large, but partly divided bedroom. I am hearing sound from an adjoining room which seems a bit too loud (as I do not want the other people in the house to complain) - although I am not sure if it is that late at night. I thought it might be some sort of anechoic chamber in part - it seems to be a very large television (false memory) on the other side of the wall, and apparently it is an old monster movie or something similar, so I go to tell a family member to turn the volume down while in the doorway, the other room with the television being mostly dark. I am not sure what the movie is. It seems to be a fictional variation of “Village of the Giants” from 1965 based on what the other man says.

The other man is also walking near the same area, but does not seem to mind the television’s volume level (he may have been planning to get something from the refrigerator to take back to his area). He even watches the movie that is on for about three minutes or so although I actually never face or see the screen of the television, as I remain mostly in the implied larger bedroom area. He says with a sort of odd curious interest (perhaps nostalgia), “Oh…there are TWO giant women in this movie, and this one is dancing, look at that stomach…”

Meanwhile, I am going back to get some pens and pencils. Some of the pens are felt markers of a larger variety of colors as well as normal ballpoints. I seem to have permission from the other man for some reason to use one of his pens. The large group of pens is mine, yet when I place them on someone’s bed temporarily (as there are a bit too many and it is a clumsy effort to get them to the desk on my side), they get mixed up with other people’s pens. I am annoyed, as I do not want to be accused of “stealing pens”, so I finally manage to get them separated before the other man walks back to his apparent living area. In real life, we assume his wife had died, as we have not seen her for a long time, but when he comes back into this room, he is making strange comments about her (I guess she is in a different adjoining room than the other). I then notice funny toy heads hanging from the wall (which I had not noticed before), similar to the toy shrunken heads of years ago, one with bright orange hair sticking out from each side (but bald otherwise), which seems to represent his wife, as if displayed as some sort of nostalgic gift.

The third dream was fairly short and somewhat distorted. There was another boathouse-related scene, but as if from a movie. There is a creature that looks much like the one from “The Monster That Challenged the World” (1957), but is much smaller, only about the size of a person. It is apparently a male creature. He moves his head up from the water that is filled with smaller debris (of mostly greenish and yellowish hues) and starts going “Yerp, yerp, yerp”. Apparently the movie is called “The Yerper”…rather senseless. He does not seem like a threat and the “yerp” sound is not really imposing.

While typing up my memories from the OBE I just had, I remembered something from the dream I had right before it.

I was in the backyard at my Grandma’s house and I was mowing the lawn. Except it was weird, there was other stuff going on for sure. I can’t remember what. The lawn seemed like it was being mowed automatically by the tractor. I remember parts of the grass being long and it was cutting it down and it was getting close to the end. I knew my Dad was there and someone else.

Just had an WILD OBE, it’s 3:29 AM. I woke up in the middle of the night without an alarm, I was really hot and was trying to get comfortable. I found myself laying on my back and I accidentally exposed my left leg and knee to the air. Normally I would have pulled it in, got comfortable, and went back to sleep but I kinda liked the cool air and I thought I could simply try to OBE right there. Why not.

So I left my leg out, stayed still on my back. It came easily this time, I fell back “asleep” quickly and I noticed the vibrations come on. I initially tried to exit and I was starring up and out at my door and sort of felt the fear of a night terror! But it was mostly a panicky and hurried feeling of trying to separate. But then I told myself to just gently be still and live with it.

I felt the buzzing vibrations shoot all through my body this time. It was kind of cool. I remember hearing someone say they loved the feeling and I kinda did too. As I sat there with the vibrations, I attempted to separate a couple times, nothing really worked. But suddenly one did, I felt like I sat up and did kind of a hop out of bed. I was “standing” beside my bed this time.

I decided to run out into the hall way, I felt hurried in this state because I didn’t want to faze back to the physical. I started running down the hallway and stopped. I forgot, I wanted to look in the mirror again!

I turned and went to go into the bathroom and someone was in there already, crap. Oh it was just our old intern Nate standing in front of the mirror. I decided it was ok so I popped my head in really fast and looked into the mirror myself.

It was weird, I saw me and Nate in the mirror, but I had a ski mask on! And behind it where my eyes and mouth were I was invisible! It was odd because I was in such a hurried state that I was going really fast and I was kind of yelling all scary like in the mirror. It was freaking Nate out!

It occurred to me to try to get a picture. So I hurried and got my iPhone out and tried to snap a photo of me and Nate. It was cool I thought for sure this would make me phase back to physical. But it didn’t. I stayed lucid. I took a few shots with my iPhone and I took off my ski mask and my face seemed more normal. Kind of melty though.

I took a few more pics of us this time without the ski mask. Then I realized it occurred to me that it was no longer Nate I was with, it was Kim! She and I were having fun trying to take pics together. First I tried to take the pic selfie style in the mirror, then I tried holding the camera out. I couldn’t really get that great of a pic, it was dark.

I thought the pics would somehow exist after the OBE, but they didn’t. I checked.

Anyway, after we took pics, Kim and I went into the living room and it was all decorated crazily. There were thing white sheets up in the doorways, streamers, and decorations everywhere for Christmas. And presents everywhere! Except they were in the kitchen!

It occurred to me that Kim was up all night decorating for Christmas and this was Christmas morning. Sweet. There were even some presents scattered around the house. I was impressed!

I can’t remember much after that, I think I started getting fuzzy and then thought it was ok to come back to physical. So I did.

Non Dream
Dream
Lucid

I woke up after a few hours but couldn't get back to sleep. It took probably an hour before I finally meditated long enough to put my body asleep. Once I saw rainbow colored disco lights on the ceiling I knew I was dreaming. I got up, my body feeling heavy, went into the restroom and tried to phase through the mirror to teleport somewhere else. I couldn't phase through it this time though. The dream wasn't stable enough. Turning my attention to stabilization, I looked around and saw the room was a bit larger now. I found a chair in the corner of the room to sit and wait for the dream to stabilize. A screen projected on the wall near where I was. It was a logo of Snoopy, probably 6 by 6 feet in size. It looked like a game so I got up hit the logo with my hand. A video game opened. The first few levels were extremely simple. All I had to do was to guide the character to eat a few dots in a tiny maze, Pac Man style. It took only a few seconds to beat the first couple levels. The last level was much more complex. It was in the style of Super Mario world. I started at the bottom and had to jump on ledges, avoid enemies and go through pipes. It was one of those vertical levels where you have to make your way upwards. Luckily, I found a pipe that led my character all the way to the end of the level. Apparently, I had beat the game. I had freed lots of rabbits which were happily flying and dancing around all over the screen. After this, I woke up.

12/16/13

A Fool and His Grenade Launcher
It is dark outside. I am leaning up against an old broken down car. I realize I have fallen asleep. That's not good since I am supposed to be on watch. The city we're in is teaming with zombies and strange mutant creatures that would kill us without hesitation. My boyfriend Josh is lying in a sleeping bag right near me sleeping peacefully. I am completely non-lucid and unaware of my waking life. My name is Isabell. I watch Josh as he sleeps. I wonder if I should tell him the full truth about what I am, what is inside of me. No. I can't. He would leave me alone. Alone and cold, I can't face the idea of being left alone.

I hear a sound from the other side of the car. I peek out of our hiding place. The moonlight is enough to reveal there is a man standing in the street beyond our hiding place. I am even able to identify who it is. It's Alex Mercer. Josh and I have actually been making a point of staying in the relative vicinity of Alex Mercer. He tends to keep the number of zombies and mutants in the area to a minimum, and if he has noticed us staying near him, he has ignored us. I sit back down, I figure this doesn't require me to bother Josh. Alex will surely continue to not notice us or ignore us. But it seems my movements have awakened Josh anyhow. He sits up and looks at me he asks what is up. I tell him it's nothing. I just heard something and it is Alex Mercer. He still has two more hours before his turn. He lies back down and I lean back against the wrecked car, gazing at the stars. The sky is clear, the only sounds are the quiet movements of Alex out in the street.

I jump a little when Josh suddenly sits up. He says he has it! I ask what. I don't really want to hear his answer. Usually when he says that when he has a notably stupid idea. Of course I can't really complain since it was one of these stupid ideas for him to come with me when the Outsiders had started hunting me. I wish he was back home and safe, though that would mean I would be alone now and I desperately need Josh to keep my heart safe. Without Josh I would be nothing more than a... no... I'm not going to think about that. Josh says he has a great idea. I ask what. He says we'll get rich and then get some really secluded place to stay hidden, a safe and comfortable place. I tell him good luck with that. He looks through the window of the wrecked car towards where I saw Alex. He says Alex will make us rich. I tell him to go back to sleep... he's clearly not thinking straight. He says Blackwatch has offered a huge reward to whoever can kill Alex Mercer. I face palm. I tell him sure, just sit there and give Alex a dirty look for a while until Alex dies of boredom. Now go back to sleep.

I look back to the stars again, not paying attention to Josh rummaging in a pile of stuff we've collected. He pulls out a grenade launcher. He says he has this covered. Get the reward, set up a defendable hideaway with everything we could need. He says he will be able to provide a better life for me then, when we don't have to keep moving and running from the Outsiders. Now I'm a bit alarmed. I tell him to put that thing down, adding that he must be crazy. He says no, I saw what it did to that mutant... the grenade penetrated the mutant's armor and exploded on the inside, tearing the thing apart. I tell him to put that thing away now, I'll not have him running off on some suicide mission. Besides, it's safer with Alex around... as long as no one does something stupid and pisses him off. Something stupid like firing a grenade at him. Josh says it will work. He starts to go around the car and into the open. I grab him and pull him back. I tell him to not try it. Seriously. Don't do it. He looks into my eye for a bit and then goes back to his sleeping bag. He says if I feel that strongly, he'll think of something else. He sets the weapon on the pile of stuff and lies back down. I watch him for a bit longer. He shifts uneasily and then gets up again. He says he has to take a piss. He sounds annoyed at me. Oh, well. Better he be annoyed than have him run off and get killed by Alex Mercer. He disappears between two buildings to do his business behind a dumpster.

I look back to the sky. All is quiet. But Josh is taking too long... could something have happened? Zombies or mutants this close to Alex? It would be unexpected, but not impossible. I am about to follow him into the alley. I ready my energy. I am loathe to use it, dark energy. I hate the way it makes me feel, and it adversely affects the area. But if Josh needs me to use it to save him, I will. I start towards the alley when there is an explosion behind me, out in the street where I saw Alex. A Blackwatch attack? They're always trying to blow Alex up, always failing. I peek out into the street. Now it is silent. Blackwatch has never tried just one attack... Something inside of me feels cold, it's dread.

I look from my hiding place and see what I feared. Josh is out in the street waving at me. He yells at me that I should have believed in him. Alex Mercer is history. He comes towards me slowly. The moonlight reveals his I-told-you-so grin. There is movement behind him. I look beyond Josh and I see something surprising. Alex Mercer is in two pieces! His top half is about three feet from his bottom half. Then there's more movement. The two halves are moving, coming slowly together. I motion to Josh to hurry. He goes even slower, spreading his arms out like he's some kind of victorious hero. I point at Alex, who is now merging back into one piece. He looks and seems to freeze for a bit, unable to believe what he's seeing. I motion to him to hurry. He starts running towards me. He's too far away! He circled around a building to sneak past me and my objections. But he is almost here! He has almost reached our hiding place when a taloned tendril pierces his chest. I have a split second to see the stunned look on his face before he gets pulled back the other direction. Pulled back to a seriously pissed off Alex Mercer. I have no choice but to use the dark energy to get him back. I call on the energy, I feel it rising inside me. I stand up to get Josh back... but he's already gone. Alex has already consumed him. But so fast?

I drop back out of sight, collapsing to the ground beside the wrecked car. The dark energy subsides, replaced by an icy coldness. It's so cold. Josh is gone... why did he have to be such a fucking idiot?! Why couldn't he have just listened to me?! What the fuck was he thinking?! Blackwatch has hit Alex with volleys of missiles and grenades and rockets and it has done nothing! What is one stupid explosive going to do?! I'll tell you what it'll do! It'll PISS HIM OFF! It'll just piss him off... Damn it, Josh... you IDIOT! I'm not really angry at Alex... what else would be expected after Josh... that damn idiot... had literally blasted Alex into two pieces? Of course Alex is going to fight back. Nothing else would be logical. Why did Josh have to be so stupid? I am angry at Josh for leaving me to go on what he should've known was a suicide mission. He was really all I had. What would I do without him? My mind continues like that, I find I am crying. I am relieved that I still can cry. The darkness wouldn't take over immediately. Maybe it won't. Maybe I can resist it. Maybe I can...

I am distracted from my thoughts by movement right in front of me. I look up and see Alex is standing right in front of me, looking down at me. Shit... I curse at myself. I was so caught up with Josh being gone that I had forgotten something really important. When Alex consumes someone he gets the memories of the person he consumed. Josh knew where I was hiding... so of course Alex would know that now. I had needed to depart from the hiding place immediately and disappear into the night. Easily done in the night, but I hadn't moved an inch. And now it's too late. Well, at least I don't have to worry about the darkness consuming me, Alex will take care of that... I just lean back against the wrecked car, close my eyes, and wait. I don't really care what happens. Not a good sign. I find myself hoping Alex will hurry up and kill me before darkness fills my heart. Then I will never have to feel the cold. But nothing happens. I open my eyes and he is still there looking at me. Um... what happened? Is the darkness somehow visible and making me look like an oddity? Now I am just staring back at him. The moonlight is reflecting off of his eyes in a hypnotic way. Just look at those eyes... I shake my head quickly... what the fuck am I thinking?!

I am clearing my head when Alex finally does something. He puts his arms around me and lifts me up. I wonder what he is doing. I keep my eyes closed, but I feel us moving quickly, sometimes it feels like flying. This goes on for a short while and then it seems we are inside someplace. We go through a couple more doors and then Alex carefully lies me down on what feels like a bed. This is very confusing. He would know I was with Josh, so why am I still alive? I hear Alex speaking. He says since Josh isn't here to watch me he had brought me someplace that should be safe from the infected. Infected? Does he mean zombies and mutants? They had seemed like monsters. I'd never considered maybe they were sick or infected with something... Alex says he knows I tried to keep Josh from attacking, and he had assumed Josh was Blackwatch. Josh wasn't Blackwatch... though he had been dumb enough to think they would honor their reward even if he had succeeded. So Alex doesn't plan on killing me after all. It's cold, and I shiver. My sleeping bag is back at the hiding place. I feel Alex lie down beside me, close to me. Close enough that I feel his body heat. I feel him put his arms around me... all six of them?! No... four of those "arms" are tendrils, but those are warm, too. I am feeling warmer. I want to ask Alex why he seems to be helping me after what happened with Josh. But I am also very tired. Before I can manage to ask I fall asleep, a nice and peaceful sleep, and wake up in bed.

12/11/13

A Father's Death
I wake up lying in a comfortable bed that I know right away is not my own. I am Amelia. The first thought that returns to my mind is my father turning his back on me, not caring if I live or die. I bury my head in the pillow wishing I could just fall back asleep and maybe next time I wake up all of this will be just a bad dream. I am getting close to falling asleep when I hear someone enter the room with me. A man beside the bed whispers my name quietly. "Amelia? Amelia, wake up… we have to go." Go? Go where? And who was in my room? I open my eyes and look at the man beside my bed. It's Alex Mercer. Alex Mercer! For just an instant I am alarmed and I sit up quickly, wondering if there is any quick path to escape. But then the sleep clears out of my mind. I have nothing to fear from Alex. He has made it very clear he has no interest in hurting me. And he certainly wouldn't hurt me after I helped him get the formula for the serum he needed to cure his sister Dana. He steps back a bit and says he's sorry he startled me. He says Dana is awake, so he wants to go to the hospital and see her. He says it's not safe for me to stay here alone, there has been too much activity among the infected here recently. So he wants to take me with him. For some reason his show of concern for my safety makes me want to go give him a big hug. It's not really something I am accustomed to… my sorry excuse for a father sure hadn't showed any concern for my safety…

I get out of bed and follow Alex back into the room with the computers. I ask if the infected would really come into the apartment. He points at the hole and says that's where a supreme hunter grabbed Dana right out of her computer chair and took her to Elizabeth Greene for who-knows-what malevolent purpose. He'd gotten Dana back before Greene had finished what she was doing, but that was why Dana had needed the serum. He crouches down so I can get on his back and ride piggy-back again. This time I hold on as tight as I can without him saying anything. And then he is off like a flash, into the air, over buildings, up walls, then he glides in for a landing in an alley behind a hospital. He sets me down and motions for me to follow him inside. I look around. I don't see any sign of infected around there, but I follow Alex anyway. I follow him through several halls and we finally get to a room. The room looks disturbingly like a morgue… I see a sign on the door that says that's exactly what it is. For an instant I am afraid Dana died after all, but no… Alex had said she is awake. I follow Alex into the room and close the door behind me.

In the morgue I see there are a couple dead bodies on tables. I make a point of ignoring those. Alex is with two other people talking. One of the two people is a black man in doctor's garb, and the other is a red-haired woman dressed casually, though her clothes are a bit dirty and ripped. That must be Dana. Alex motions to me to come over where he introduces me to the other two. The doctor is Dr. Ragland, one of the few people Alex feels he can trust, and the woman is Dana Mercer, which I had already guessed. Alex introduces me to them as Amelia, and says I'm the one that managed to get the formula for the serum. Dr. Ragland tells me I did a great thing, that formula saved Dana's life. I force a smile at them, though I don't feel like smiling. I can still hear my father's voice in my mind saying I am of no use to him. Kill her, eat her, fuck her… I don't care… I try to push the voice from my mind before I start crying. Alex asks if I am ok. I lie to him and say I am fine. I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about my problems.

As Alex, Dana, and Dr. Ragland are talking I just kind of move away from them. I feel uncomfortable and out of place. I feel like I don't belong there. So since no one has noticed me move away from the group I continue and leave the morgue. I find my way to the front of the hospital and look outside. There are people out there, regular people, uninfected people. None of them seem alarmed about anything, so I reason it must be relatively safe here. I go outside into the sun. It feels nice. I look around at the people walking and talking and I realize I have never felt so alone. I just walk to the stairs that lead to the front door of the hospital where I sit down, not sure where to go, not sure what to do. I spend a short time crying silently, which no one seems to notice. Or maybe just no one cares. My tears finally dry up but I still don't know where to go so I stay there.

I am still sitting there when a uniformed soldier approaches me, looking at me like he is seeing a ghost. He asks if I am Amelia. I say yes. He is stunned beyond belief. He says everyone at the base is certain I must be dead. He helps me to my feet. He continues talking. He asks how I managed to get away from Mercer. He says that ever since Mercer broke his end of the deal by refusing to release me, everyone had assumed he had probably consumed me to see if I knew anything about… I interrupt him. I ask him exactly what he thinks happened that night. He says an arrangement was made to trade some serum to Mercer for my safe return. The serum had been delivered, but Mercer had refused to let me go, and had instead taken me with him when he left. He said people had searched… I interrupt him again. The serum was delivered? No way! That bastard that calls himself my father had flat out refused to hand over the serum, he'd flat out refused to even consider it! I am so upset that I am on the verge of tears again, but this time there is a fair amount of anger mixed with my grief. That bastard is making himself out to be a victim! I tell the soldier that Alex never did anything to hurt me, in fact he had let me go. My story is not quite true, rather I snuck away while Alex had been talking to Dana and Dr. Ragland, but I have no doubt in my mind he would have let me go even if he had seen me leaving. The soldier doesn't seem to know what to say. He asks if Mercer really let me go, but doesn't wait for an answer. He said we should get back to the base, then leads me to his vehicle and we leave.

I actually have thoughts that I don't want to go back to the base. There's nothing there for me. But I don't say anything, and we drive in through the heavy gates that protect the entrance. I get out of the vehicle and walk towards the residence section. And there he is. The bastard that claims to be my father. The bastard that refused to trade a failed experiment for my safe return. That bastard… He comes over to me with his arms spread wide, saying over and over how happy he is to see that I am ok. He says he's been afraid he would never see me again. He keeps talking and I walk right over to him. Without a moment's hesitation I pull my right fist back and punch him in the face as hard as I can. SMACK! I hurt my hand when I do that. I also feel my father's nose bend unnaturally to the side. Blood spurts from the nose and all over my hand. I start yelling at him, letting the anger out. "A failed experiment? You were willing to give me up for a FAILED EXPERIMENT?! YOU ASSHOLE! YOU ROTTEN PIECE OF SHIT!"

My father takes a towel from a man who hands it to him. He holds the towel to his nose to stem the bleeding. He has the nerve to be getting mad at me. He says I shouldn't talk about what I don't understand. He says he had everything under control until Mercer grabbed me and left. I ask what part of his plan involved riddling my body with bullets as his thugs tried to shoot Alex. He says they are good enough with their weapons, they weren't going to hit me. He hesitates, then asks me how I know what serum Mercer had been after. I tell him Alex pointed out which one he needed… when I hacked into his computer. I speak plenty loud enough so anyone in the area can hear that he has what is no doubt an unauthorized copy of classified information on his personal computer. He asks if I want to get him in trouble. I say the answer is the same as his answer to, "Do you want to watch your daughter die?" He repeats that he had everything under control. He asks how I could hand classified information over to Mercer. I ask him how he was so willing to turn ME over to Alex? He says I shouldn't talk to my father like that. I tell him I'm not. My father is dead. He hesitates, not seeming to know what to say. Neither does anyone else. The room is dead silent. I tell the man who once was my father that he is nothing to me now. He is shit.

I turn and walk away from the asshole. He grabs my arm. I feel like kicking him in the balls. He says I can't just walk away, I aided and abetted the enemy. He wants to know where Mercer is right now, what he is up to, where he took me, how I managed to escape. I tell him I have no idea where Alex is right now, I can't say where he took me because it was not through a route I am used to traveling, and I didn't escape… he let me go. He asks where I last saw Mercer. I tell him I wouldn't tell him where Alex was if Alex was sneaking up right behind him! He glares at me and then speaks to a man beside him. He says I was picked up by the hospital, and that is too far away for me to have gotten on foot. So Mercer must have taken me there. Go there and make sure Mercer doesn't leave there alive! Level the entire area if you have to, but don't let Mercer escape! Someone asks what about the civilians seeking medical help there. The asshole says they don't matter, all of them are infected and just haven't shown symptoms yet. They're already dead! I tell the thing that claims to be my father that he is the absolute lowest form of life I have ever seen. The reports are all right… there is a monster running around the city. But it's not Alex, it's him. He tells one of the soldiers to escort me to my quarters and make sure I stay there. In my current state of mind I might run off and warn Mercer.

One of the soldiers takes my arm gently and uncertainly. He is clearly not comfortable with the situation. He leads me from the room. He stops once we're out of sight. His name is Steve. He says I know my father better than he does… would he really kill everyone in that hospital just on the slim chance they might be able to take Mercer with it? I tell him I would have said 'no' just last week, but now I would have to say 'yes' definitely. He says someone has to warn the hospital so they can evacuate the patients. We go into a room with some computers. He tries to open communications to the hospital but all communications are shut down. He curses, then says all the computers are on lock down since a hacker was detected… He says he will have to go to the hospital. He says I should go to my quarters where it's safe. I tell him I don't think that's safe considering how crazy my father is acting and that he seems to think I have teamed up with Alex.

Steve hesitates, then says I can go with him. We hurry to the area where the vehicles are parked and get into a Jeep and take off out the door. Speeding down the empty streets makes the trip go pretty fast, but it still seems to take forever. Questions go through my mind. How long will it take to organize a massive attack on the hospital? Is Alex still there? How about Dana? Dr. Ragland is surely still there… We finally arrive at the hospital and Steve jumps right out and runs inside. I am right behind him. While he heads for security, however, I head for the morgue. I run all the way there and I am rather winded when I get there. I go inside and find it is empty. No one is there. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I go into the next room, which is a lab. Dana is in there sleeping on a couch. Dr. Ragland and Alex are facing the other way and talking. I am trying to catch my breath. Alex looks over and sees me there. He asks where I went off to. I tell him that's a long story, but Blackwatch is attacking the hospital any minute now, so he'll want to get Dana and Dr. Ragland out of there. Alex changes form into a soldier and leaves the room.

I follow Alex back to the front of the hospital. I can already hear helicopters in the distance approaching. And the engines of tanks. It's too late to evacuate… Alex asks Steve what is going on. Steve says the commander has gone mad… he's going to bomb the shit out of the hospital. He said we need to get as many people out as possible. Alex says there isn't time. He runs out towards the approaching enemies. I see several helicopters in the air, but I can't see the ground forces yet. Then I see Alex launch into the sky right in the middle of the group of helicopters. He explodes in a huge mass of what look like tendrils (tendril barrage devastator) that punch right through the choppers as if they are paper. The choppers explode and Alex drops back to the ground. Steve looks at me in shock… he says that other soldier was Alex Mercer! He looks around and exclaims that he was face-to-face with Alex Mercer and he's still alive! I am too far away to see any details, but I hear a lot of explosions and I can tell there is a big fight going on out there. That goes on for a while longer and then everything goes silent. Smoke is rising out there, everyone waits to see if anyone emerges.

A single soldier finally emerges from the smoke and destruction. A single soldier that does not even look injured. He gets a bit closer and looks around the area. Everyone has stopped whatever they were doing to watch what was happening. Some civilians are coming from the general direction of the smoke. They all have different descriptions of what they saw. There is only one thing that everyone agrees on. A huge Blackwatch attack force had been closing in on the hospital for unknown reasons when Alex Mercer had single handedly put a stop to the attack. The single soldier comes over near me. Steve backs away from the single soldier, who I have no doubt is Alex. The conversations around me are all about Blackwatch attacking a civilian hospital and Alex Mercer defending it, it seems a lot of people are expressing disbelief about that happening but none are really denying it. The conversation shifts to Blackwatch lying and Blackwatch cover-ups. Alex asks if I am ok. I say I am fine.

A jeep drives up to the front of the hospital. I see the asshole who was once my father in it. He gets out and glares right at me. He says he should have known. He looks at Steve and says he is in a lot of trouble. Because of him I got out and warned Mercer, and now Mercer has disappeared again. Steve glances over at Alex but says nothing. My former father turns to me and says even Steve isn't in as much trouble as I am. He says he has never been so ashamed of his own daughter. I remind him that my father is dead, I am no daughter of his. He says I am under arrest. Alex comes over beside me and tells my former father to leave me alone. My former father looks at Alex's name tag and refers to him as Brandon, telling him to mind his own business. Steve asks if my former father really ordered an attack on a civilian hospital. He says this was a rare chance to eliminate Alex Mercer, but thanks to me, the bastard got away. Steve glances at Alex again but still says nothing. Alex walks right up to my former father and says again to leave me alone. My former father says maybe he should take "Brandon" in with me, and Steve, too, if we all insist on siding with Mercer. Steve says he's not siding with anyone. Alex says my former father won't be ordering any more attacks on civilian targets. The asshole tells Alex he'll order whatever attacks he wants whenever he… Alex interrupts him by consuming him right on the spot.

Alex takes the form of my former father. Steve moves farther away, he pretends to have not noticed anything out of the ordinary. It seems no one else noticed at all, everyone is too occupied by talking amongst themselves. I am just staring. I was so very angry at that asshole who called himself my father… but I'm still not sure what to think of the fact Alex just killed him. In fact, I feel rather light headed. Maybe too much has happened just recently. Too much stress. The world is spinning. There are now three Steves and three Alexes looking at me. I feel like I am falling over. Alex gets closer and catches me before I can fall to the ground. Steve is just watching as Alex catches me before I can fall. He also seems unsure of what to say or do, and he ends up saying and doing nothing. Alex looks around, then back at me… all five of him. Alex says he will get me someplace safe. He says he won't let anything happen to me. He lies me on the back seat of the Jeep and drives away from the hospital, probably to avoid attracting any attention. We are driving along when everything fades to black and I wake up in my own bed.

Xaphor and I look at each other through my meditation mirror in BanYanLand in the Biodome on the Green Moon. Xaphor, my Dream Guide, the Great Red Dragon. He grins at me, and reaches through the mirror and grabs me, pulling me into his world. As soon as I get through he kind of tackles me, and we merge together. I roar and fire shoots out of my mouth. I am in some castle room, and now the tapestries are burning. I look at myself in the mirror. I am a were-dragon with red scaly skin and a dragon head. I am about seven feet tall with yellow eyes and a devilish grin. I roar and breathe fire on the mirror. The wood catches fire, and the glass melts into a puddle. I laugh maniacally and fly out the window.
I am flying across a green hilly country. I shout to the world around me: [I][CENTER]
Here me, Dreamsphere, for I am Xaphor, your Archnemisis, the Draconis Ka-Nyx, the Dark Dragon.
I proclaim myself Lord of Dreamsphere, and I Turn The Clock!
Tick Tock, Tick Tock!
The Lucid Dreamer ran up the Clock,
the Clock struck three at the Witching Hour,
the Lucid Dream is now maxed in Power!
The Heretic Grins at the rules of the game,
gods battle on the Dream Plane!
HAIL ERIS! HAIL MORPHEUS! HAIL GAWN! [/CENTER][/I]

I fly to Dreamsphere Town and breathe fire at the big clock, blackening it. I see someone below in a blue ninja outfit. I tell them, "Your clock sucks!" Then, I teleport out of that world.