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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Some months ago my dream activity was mortally wounded. I went through a lot, I was depressed, lost, unfocused. Meditation went down the drain, dream recall followed suit. I think I regressed to where I was some 5 years ago. I may have gone too fast, too deep, too soon, into the dream warrior world, without enough prep. I probably fought battles which were too tough and encountered dark forces which drained me out of my energy.
So, I'm rebuilding.
Lately my dreams have been a lot about feeling safe in a house. For many, many years, I had recurring dreams about living in a house that was falling apart, whose windows and doors would not close when I most needed its protection. Now the dreams are different. This house where I am now recovering, is big, strong and has amazing doors and windows that seem impenetrable. I feel there's a darkness outside it (still is) but I feel completely safe inside it. I'm rebuilding my dream headquarters and it is a cozy fortress

I was only able to recall one dream (of large fragment of the dream) from tonight. Although what I can remember was moer detailed and seemed to last longer than the dream fragments from my previous entry so I assume that this is progress all in all.

In my dream I was driving my parents' car through the Dutch town of Eelde. All in all the town seemed normal and the details I saw were correct. It was a nice and sunny day and my mom and me who were sitting in the car were conversing about something, it was not a negative subject although I am unable to recall what it was that we talked about. We were headed to my cousin who lives in Eelde. But because we were talking I took a wrong turn and the dream scene changed.

We were no longer driving in Eelde but were in the countryside. This was unlike any place I had ever been but the scene itself was not abnormal. I was driving a long road with grass on both sides of it and was headed for a farm which the road ran past. The farm was surrounded by tall trees and pretty much the only thing that was visible was its brown roof. In front of the farm was a dog, which looked like a Border Collie mix of some kind, it was black and white, small and had the ears of a Border Collie.

The dog barked at us and ran around the car, intending to follow it, which made me worry that I would in fact run the dog over. We (my mom and me) tried sending it away by making the noises Cesar Milan makes in the Dog Whisperer (a 'tshhh' kind of sound), but it did not work. The dog kept tailing us as I continued to drive past the countryside which now had farmland on its side as well. There was nothing abnormal in the environment other than the fact that I had never been there and that no such place exists close to Eelde.

Part of my brain may have even tried to tell me that by making me relive the moment where I took the wrong turn (in my dream I had never actually drove the car to make the turn while being aware of it) and making me wonder if this would indeed lead me to where we were now, seeing this did not entirely seem like Eelde to me. Despite that effort, however, I accepted the dream for reality, maybe partly because the dog was there again and was now in front of the car, making me stop.

Once stopped I got out of the car and walked over to the dog, intending to pet him. The dog was now a black Labrador looking like Maran (our own Labrador who passed away last summer). He came towards me and was happy with my attention. I showed him my hands which he carefully licked because there being cuts. I have the distinct feeling those were there because of something that happened in another dream, but I cannot remember what exactly. They were cuts like those of a cat. As I allowed him to lick me and petted him I woke up, ending the dream.

[This dream was at around 8:40AM or so]
[Haven't had a single LD for almost a week and half before this, so it was time ^^]

I was just escaping some huge ogre and it's bandit friends who were coming out from our outbuilding, when i decided to fly away from them. When i flew up into the sky, i just thought to myself "Oh... how can i fly up here? Oh yes, i'm dreaming!"
Of course i got lucid and really happy, the dry spell was broken

I descended down to the earth and just looked around a little. It was night and i was standing in our garden. Some things were shining a little, so it wasn't totally dark, but dark enough to get lost in it.
I wanted to create daylight immediately, so i looked up to check out the sky.
I found the Moon, which was pixelated, just like in an old videogame. I held both of my hands high above and focused on moving the Moon with telekinesis... It happened surprisingly fast, i was able to move the Moon back and it disappeared behind some clouds.

Since it wasn't enough to make daylight, the next thing to do was bring up the Sun.
I held up my hand again, but now pulled towards me. Soon the Sun showed up and it was moving quite fast towards me. Even while it was on the sky, daylight was nowhere, so i was focusing on that, but it didn't want to happen.
I let go of the Sun since it was coming at extreme speeds towards the garden.
After a short while it just crashed into the wall of our outbuilding and destroyed it. It looked more like a huge pulsating yellow ball.
[At that moment i thought to myself how disappointing it was. I expected a real sized Sun ].

Well, i didn't really want to check out the Sun from close, since it was that small, i lost interest in it.
I looked around yet again and was thinking about that i surely need daylight if i want to wander from there... I noticed a pink-yellowish beam coming down from the sky to the earth in the landscape. It just lighted up everything around it, but it was too far and i didn't want to go through the darkness to reach it.
I decided to fly up to our house's roof, since it was somewhat lighter, but when i was about to do it everything got dark. [I thought to myself that it can't be the end of the dream yet, it didn't feel like when my dream ends].

I realized that it was a tricky darkness, to make me think that i woke up, but no, i stood still and waited, focused on getting to a lighter place, when suddenly my vision blurred and when it got back to normal i was in a new place already.
It was some kind of bazaar and it was daylight finally. I started walking and let out a "Whooohooooooo!" because i was happy that it's not dark anymore. [The daylight here was blue for some reason].
I looked around the bazaar and it was really surreal, the vendor booths were placed in different levels on all sides and even above me and some of them looked like they were floating.

I flew up to check around, when i noticed a vendor that was selling different kinds of desserts and things like that. Someone was just buying something from him and in the meanwhile i reached out for a little biscuit like food. While reaching, i thought to myself that it must taste sweet. Just as i thought that, the biscuit suddenly had a chocolate cover with some sugar on it.
I took it and started eating it... it tasted good, but nothing extraordinary...

I looked around and at the other side of the counter i noticed a HUGE cupcake

Similar to this, but it was flatter and had a cherry on top.

It just looked so good that i couldn't leave it there. I took it with me and flew away. I immediately took a bite and it was just sooo goood
I decided to try and find Lucy, but even while i knew i should think about her positively, so she won't attack me, i just couldn't. I had negative thoughts just as i thought of her name and i got scared that she'll just trick me again.
I flew up higher from the bazaar, where then i noticed a flat transparent blue surface floating above. I flew higher and descended onto it. I had no idea what it was, but i didn't really care either.

I was thinking about Lucy, to summon her somewhere near, while still nomming on my cupcake time-by-time.
[Maybe next time i'll even bring a cupcake like that for her ^^].
I noticed a virtual picture of a brown haired girl on a wall and i immediately knew that it must be her picture, but for some reason i expected her to be blonde now... not sure why.
As i was just about to go there, the picture slipped down from the wall and disappeared into the ground...
Then suddenly a huge iPad-like screen appeared at that same wall. It had MSN Messenger open on it.

There were all kinds of unknown to me contacts on the screen, but i thought that maybe i could talk with Lucy on it... So i typed in her name in the search bar and her picture popped up, but she was blonde now.
I clicked on it and sent her a simple greeting:

- Hi.
She answered in almost a milisecond:
- Hey?

I was just about to ask her something, when suddenly i felt my left leg itching, so i reached to scratch it, but my real hand moved for some reason... I woke up...

[I didn't even expect my real hand to move at that time, it never happened yet that i was still seeing the dream, but my real hand moved instead :/]
[Somehow i should get over my fears about Lucy... but it's harder than i thought]
[At least the cupcake was tasty ^^]

Kind of vague and the scene kept changing. I was living with my brother in a loft. JC moved in with us and asked me why I'm not singing or performing. I didn't have an answer. Also pointed out my thighs. The cat litter boxes kept getting over full.

My parents and I were going on vacation to Alaska. A man—a guide presumably—was planning our Alaska trip, but he was not a professional. Then my dream replaced the trip to Alaska with China. We were in a park with a lot of water or fountains. My dad and the guide were walking ahead, leaving a small girl behind—a female relative, I assumed she was my sister or cousin. She was left behind because, though she might have been full of energy at that moment, she’d be too slow or tire out quickly later on. I picked her up and carried her with us, but carrying her around was rather uncomfortable for me.

We were supposed to go to Star River in China, but we went to Star River on the moon instead. We could breathe on the moon, which confused us. We saw astronauts in space suits, and a pile of poop. I poked it before realizing it was poop. The river was dried up, and had been dried up for years, but the erosion was still etched into the moon’s surface. The guide had intentionally misled us there. Other tours were led to the moon’s Star River instead of China’s Star River, it was a tactic used to waste time. We were disappointed that we were not at China’s Star River. We went back to China, and waited for our turn to take a tour of Star River. We waited in a cafeteria.


Interpretation
The moon, Alaska and poop (it looked like my duck’s poop, which I have seen an awful lot of these past few weeks) were all residue from the day before. The little girl might have represented my mother--after all, she was only there when I did not see my mom. My mother is often left out of international travel plans because of her pain and movement issues. My father, sister and I went to China in March without inviting my mother, realizing that she’d be incapable of walking so much. She was rather depressed the week that we were gone, and I’ve felt bad about it ever since. I sometimes view my mother as a child: incapable of managing on her own anymore. I also need a lot of patience with her, like I would with someone younger. I have been offering to help her more at my inconvenience because I know she can’t manage on her own. I also try to protect her from my sisters’ judgements about her, even though my mom drives me crazy too.

Just words: no time to write more.


- Bunker (?)
- Getting "along" with an ex
- Going to buy something at a store, realise I don't have money, leaving xD
- Smoking a cigar
- Dreaming about working at a radio station
- Dicking around with the (new irl) neighbours (haven't really seen them yet in wake life though, lol)

What I have down in my physical DJ is, 4:30, mom, death, golf??? Did I think I could remember my dream with just this??? What I do remember is seeing a clock in my dream saying 4:30 then waking up and it was 4:30? WTF is this possible.

guy going around setting houses on fire. My neighbor to the right first. I called 911. all my neighbors are standing in my driveway confused. We wait about 10 minutes and the police never show. I think to myself, "did I give them the wrong address."

eating subway.. that's it

this is what I wrote in my physical journal, remember im still a beginner
playing golf with my best friend, his ball went left and hit a tree. the cart girl drove by.

I was walking down a road and as I turned down a street to my left I was nearly cut off my a couple of motorcycles I got a little to close to them and my hand grazed the back of the last rider. They pulled into there home and as I walked by they removed there helmets and started shouting "why u grabbin at me fagit I'll beat ur ass" I started to run thinking my motorcycle was just around the corner. As they chased me I came apon a scooter I knew was mine but I turned to face the men becouse I dident want to try and get away on a stupid scooter after being called a fag lol. So I turned to them and prepared for a fight one had a pitch fork knife and the other a knife that had a few bends in it. The next cut seen one of the men was on the ground and I watched him literally pull the knife back and then thrust it very hard into his face I was appalled by this visual and turned to his friend we just glanced at each other and looked back at the man. He then said "I did this for u" in my mind he stabbed himself to make it looked like I did it!!!! Wtf

In the night I tried FILD one time with no success.
In the morning I woke up at 6:10 naturally, wrote in my DJ, drank water, went to the bathroom and performed a SSILD about 6:50. I woke up again 8:30 with no LD yet. I changed of position and put my hand in the middle of my knees. I tough "why don't I try the FILD again ?", I started "playing my piano" and in about 15 seconds I felt the SP coming, heard that loud sound on my ears and there I am, inside my 8th LD ;D

Lucid Part:
I'm in a place where everything is drawn. The people is drawn too.
I feel all my dream powers weak here, and everything is a little scary.
I do a "Kame-Hame-Ha" in the sky and open a passage to the "real world".
I fly and pass trough the passage and it leads me to a building. I fly near to some ATMs. I try to go through a wall but I only knock my head on it.
I have to admit that I felt a little of doubt if I was really able to do that.
I try again saying "pass through" and it works.
There are really big rooms in this building and they look like offices, I continue to go through all the walls in the same direction, after 2 or 3 rooms I start to pass near some people.
I realized after waking up that there were only women in that building.
I get near to two women and give one of them a big kiss. I ask how are they doing.
I can't say why everytime in my lucid dreams that I want to greet a woman I kiss her, I'm sure I was still lucid but don't know what I tought there, I only know that it was a great kiss xD
I start to fly again in the same direction. I pass beside to girls and understand that they are choosing place to some friends of mine to work. I speak with them for a while.
While I was speaking with them I seemed to lose some of the lucidity, I was becoming just a character in the story and not the director, but after the talk I said "it is a dream" to myself sometimes again.
I left them there and start to fly again the same direction. I pass through a huge glass window that is in maybe the 30th floor of that building. I can see the city very far from me. I start to fly fast and just appear over my aunt's house in Catuji.
I jump to a wall and from there I see a cousin of mine when he was 5 years old, and near the wall I see Ruck.
I jump to the floor and start to play with him.
Ruck was dog and died some months ago, I knew that during the dream, but felt happy to be able to "play with him a last time".
I hug him a lot. I felt a reaally huge happiness while doing that.
I am going with him to near of my house and I see 2 more "Rucks".
After playing with him I try to get out from there, but ruck does everything to keep me there, some puppies appear and try to keep me there too.
When I say that they were trying to keep me there, it's cause they were running after me, kiding with and that things that our dogs do with us.
I start to run away from there and a black dog appears and tries to stop me, I start to fly. It almost gets me but I get to "escape", but I wake up.

I am only sure that that was a dream when I was doing the FILD because I woke up in the same position that I slept. I never imagined that FILD could be so powerfull

Dream Stats:
Went to sleep: 00:30am
Duration: ~20min (only lucid)
Woke up at: 9:00am

Briefly became lucid during a much-needed nap, but I ended up waking immediately. In hindsight, maybe I should have had lunch before taking my nap, seeing how hungry I was in the dream!

I'm in a room, watching a cabinet member talking to reporters. There's something important I need to ask her, so I hang around and try to look busy by looking at a map. When she's done, she comes over to me and asks, "Was there something that you needed?" For the life of me, I cannot remember the question I needed to ask her.

I head out of the room and down a hallway. There's a stand selling food that looks really good, but there's a long line. I'm salivating as I wait. There's a case with crab legs, and I can't wait to have one. While I'm waiting, I spot Rachel, a friend from college. We talk about making plans for dinner so I can meet her husband and she can meet my boyfriend. She suggests place near Yorktown. For some reason, the name makes me giggle. She asks if it's because my boyfriend is from Yorktown, Virginia. I say yes, but something in the back of my mind keeps nagging me, reminding me that it's not true. I can't seem to remember where my boyfriend is from.

I finally get to the head of the line. But it looks like I'm too late. There's no more crab legs left in the case, but they have raw tilapia. I pick out a filet, but the cashier tells me how expensive it is and asks if I can afford it. I hesitate, not really knowing how much money I have on hand. The cashier tells me that he has a solution to make it affordable. Then he rips off a ridge of fat, puts it on a skewer, and tells me how I'm getting such a "bargain" on this special cut. I think I've lost my taste for seafood, so I move onto another case. There's something that looks like meatloaf muffins, but I pick out something else. I take my food and the next thing I know, I'm at home. I want to sit in front of the TV and eat, but the couch is missing. I see that it's moved off to the side, so I go to drag it into the correct spot. It's much lighter than I expected. Apparently, it's because my couch has become an armchair, and it's upholstered in the same fabric as the couch I threw away years ago. Again, something about the situation is nagging me. I sit down and dig into my take-out container, which has cauliflower and potatoes cooked in some kind of spices and masala. I'm biting into a piece of cauliflower when I realize this is the same meal I had last week. It startles me enough that I immediately wake up.

dream : comments : lucid

13th of June, 2012

There were several smaller dreams last night but I'll just stick with the main one:

Nooks, Acka, my parents and I were visiting the US. The dream became really clear when I was standing out the front of this house looking over the city at sunset. It looked kind of like San Francisco but more... European. It was really pretty with lots of ornate houses huddled together on hils. I tried to take a picture of the scene on my phone coz it was such a nice view but it wouldn't change from the reverse camera so all I could see was my stupid-ass dream face doing that goofy smile it always does.
Anyway. The sun set really quickly after that and then I went back inside and realised after seeing a sign that we were in fact in Ohio and I should go get some Skyline Chili (which is this franchise that only exists in Ohio and I didn't really care for that much when I had it last time I was in the States anyway...)

But find it we must! So Acka and I went on an adventure to find a store which involved walking through schoolyards and this zanily large shopping centre. After being lost in there for what seemed like an eternity, we took an escalator up to a movie theatre lobby. Walking through there my legs suddenly stopped working properly and I told Acka not to worry coz "This happens pretty regularly, but only in dreams..."

I almost missed what I'd just said, but something stirred inside me and it suddenly hit me;I was dreaming!
I played it cool as a cucumber and told Acka to hang on while I did this Reflex Dream Stabilisation I read about yesterday that involved clenching certain muscles to ground you. It definitely worked as the dream became way clearer and more stable but with two drawbacks:
1. It made my legs work even less well somehow;
2. It put me too deeply in the dream and I kinda lost my consciousness a bit

So I did a little Lieutenant Dan style stupid-walk over to an escalator and basically fell down it. That crap continued for a while until I think I woke up. BUT! It's a DILD, so that's what's important.

For the first time in quite a while I could sleep in, which I did to the fullest. Slept for more than 12 hours and my dreams during the last cycles were intense, short, superlong and manymanymany. It has been hard for me to keep track of which dream fits into which and some I have forgotten during the day, even though I wrote down keynotes each time I woke up. Therefore I'm just gonna put 'em all down bulletstyle.

The first dream I'm putting down is the one I think came first; it's about this blogger girl that I've been following for a while. As I love language it is important to me that people use language well and that is excactly what she does. It just so happens that she writes alot about sucking cock. So in my dream she wanted to suck my cock while I wanted to seem intelligent to her (as that is what I percieve her as). The thing is I am not interested in women at the present, so her sucking my cock was completely out of the question. All the while I'm lying in just my underwear and a t-shirt on the floor, she has the same kind of clothing. While this is happening there is a proverbial storm of the century going on outside. The lightning flashes bright and makes everything in the room extremly bright. When it's not flashing there's thunder and the sound of rain growling constantly in the background. The location of this dream is a house I used to live in, except the fact that where this room was there should have been a toilet but in this dream it was kind of a chill out-corner.

The second dream is just an image. I'm moving to a new place soon and there I will build a sleeping loft. I'm going to make totempoles out of the legs to the loft and in this dream that was excactly what I was doing; carving wood.

The third dream I'm with my band in a city upnorth. It just so happens that a girl who contacted me and was very impressed with my writing is from this town. We were supposed to do a gig there, but we got stuck in this room which was supposed to be some sort of backstage-area (but it wasn't, it was the room where I recieved my first kiss (that I found out during waking reflection)). I'm currently off every mindaltering drug, but no one else that I know is. So there was a hunt for drugs in unknown territory, and this girl who likes my writing obviously had some connections and she said she was going to help out in the quest for finding junk. I told her that I'm currently not using and she carresed the fold of my jacket sensually and said "too bad".
That was not the only thing happening. The weather outside was constantly changing, from sunny to total-annihilation-storm. Outside the windows was a female friend of mine, hanging halfway inside kicking with her legs playfully saying she wanted to get stoned. People are running back and forth through the room and the only grounded point in the room was the girl who said she'd help getting drugs.

Fourth dream: nothing remembered except the fact that I'm being chased and I have the mother of my children in my company. I've got the first scene from one of the Bourne-films running through my head as I write this (the one where his girl dies somewhere in the desert, or something to that point).