Recent DJ Posts

This was one of the most amazingly vivid LDs I've ever had and all thanks to my awesome boyfriend. I went to bed at 10pm, he joined me at 3am. That woke me up, but I was too sleepy to actually get up and do WBTB, so I just rolled over and immediately started dozing off. That's when he whispered to my ear: "Go lucid". And man did that work like a charm. The moment he said it I slid into the most vivid LD ever. I was walking down some hallway and everything got hyper realistic. I was so excited I could barely keep calm.

I enter a room and there's a girl named Lucy who's apparently my dream world friend. I'm telling her that I'm lucid and trying to stay calm. I remember that I should stabilize the dream - stand still, breathe slowly. It works.

I try to levitate a bit and that also works nicely, the room is not that large so I can only jump into the air and then softly float around or land on my feet again. I've never felt this AWAKE in my life.

I want to try to create something in that dream world but for the love of me I can't come up with anything I should do. Still too excited. I ask Lucy and she says "Well why don't you float up to the ceiling and create a little landscape on this floor here." (By the way my bf pointed out her name to me this morning when I woke up - Lucy/Lucid. Coincidence? )

I try to float up but my body seems to be too heavy and I'm still kind of sinking back to the floor. Out of the blue Lucy faints, it's like her consciousness gets knocked out. I come to her and try to wake her up, but there's just her lifeless body lying on the floor. At this point it feels like I'm losing the lucidity.

I walk around the house and find what I consider to be her actual real life body sleeping in bed. I don't want to wake her up so I go to my room, find my bed and sit in it. Then I remember that the one thing I always wanted to do in a LD was to meditate.

I sit in a lotus position and close my eyes. Immediately I'm sucked into this vast black void, it physically feels like I sunk hundreds of meters deep into my mind. There's nothing but blackness but also this amazing clarity. I have thoughts but they don't matter, everything is just so ... clear.

There's a lot of energy, like everything resonates with it, it's the matter of my mind and it's myself and it feels so awesome. I don't know how long I linger there, but then I wake up into a non lucid dream. I feel like there's an intruder in the house.

I get up and go check the hallway. Noone. At this point it's just a regular dream. I walk over to Lucy's bedroom and wake her up to tell her about my LD. She seems excited about it but her dad won't let me speak and keeps talking about his comic books.....?

And then I wake up.

This was the best LD ever since the first one I had 10 years ago

Black: non-dream
Blue: non-lucid
Red: lucid

Dream - Shark themed dream
It was a nice summer day, there were people on the beach nearby, I was talking on the phone to my close friend Matt about sharks which is probably how the theme of sharks got kicked into gear... As we were talking a canoe-like ship washes up onto shore suddenly, the head of it was in the shape of a shark. I said to my friend "why don't you come to the beach, a shark just washed up and it'd be a good example", implying that it was alive even though it clearly wasn't. The canoe-like ship became more boat-like without me noticing, and I heard a dream character shout something like "I wonder how long it'd last", to which another dream character replied "about a day?" as they debated where it could last long at sea. They come to a consensus to push it back off the cliff and into the ocean (sneakily it seems that the beach was now a cliff, which the ship was half-way off of).

Blurring through this bit, the ship is pushed off and I jump off with it, the cliff was probably 50 metres too. While plummeting care-free I glanced at the ocean, to the left was a beautiful white sand beach and in the water nearby was an Orca ('Killer Whale') and another smaller shark (probably only half a metre). When I landed in the water I quickly scrambled myself onto the beach, fearing the snapping attacks of the little shark and not caring too much about the Orca (I guess I see them as pretty peaceful). Things definitely blur past around here, it was like I was on a field trip suddenly where my marine science teacher at uni had filmed a video of the field trip (this gets done sometimes as it's cheaper than actually taking the class out for a field trip).

On this field trip it was like we were being shown about the population densities of humans spread out over the world, and in this one country there had been a neglection towards populating it because of native tribes and also because of how the island was structured (I swear it made sense in my dream ). We arrived at some old ruins on this island, it was like we were actually in the video yet the perspective changed occasionally to being an observer. Near the old ruins our teacher peered around and spotted an old submarine shaft or something, she climbs down it as the island begins to flood due to high tide. Next we started our underwater adventure, I think I was geared up and put into a cage-like thing with an opening at the front, this was all underwater and I've no idea how I was breathing either... A 'fake-shark' swims past, it was someone dressed up in a yellow-fabric shark suit who was simulating the experience of being attacked by a shark.. The fake shark smashed against my cage and then thrust its head in and gnawed on my arm. The man inside revealed himself and it was my geology teacher! Steve! Pretty surprised

Not much else happened after this I think.. but it was a pretty long dream.

Dream - Aaron?
I think I had a dream about seeing my old mate Aaron but I forgot it...

First time trying to remember my dreams in a while, going to try and get back on track with lucid dreaming since I have time now.

#383 - DILD - 12:45AM

A large dose of Yohimbe Bark late in the morning, some melatonin to fight the lasting insomnia, and watching Lucy movie may have helped this LD along. It was a little after 11pm when I last looked at the clock and I had multiple awakenings all night. Most of my non lucids where boring and I found myself contemplating the movie in dream several times.

I was previously lucid from something about the movie. I ended up losing lucidity for awhile and I forgot all of the first part. I have been chasing after someone or something and I eventually stop becoming introspective once again.

I remember that I was lucid and come back to it once more. I look at my hands and the environment around me. My hands look pretty normal with a hint of dream quality. I realize I am on a hillside at night. I search my mind for a few of my goals. First I recall wanting to have an XCOM dream. I summon a rifle and hear distant marching as I move forward. I search for aliens to shoot but when I look down I see I have no rifle. Ugh. Try something else.

I recall wanting to try some of the things Lucy did in the movie but I am distracted by a super huge moon at the top of the hill. I run forward but have difficulty finding my footing. I look down and back up and see the moon is gone but there is a large dark sphere at the top of the hill now. I see a silhouette of a man in a cockpit at one part of the sphere. I remember to try CL's pinch zoom to get a better look but it doesn't work. I feel silly making motions in the air and give that one up too.

The I remember once again Lucy. I try to slap away the sphere and make time past to day time. Doesn't work. Then I try I teleport like she did an surge forward. The dream goes dark.

I wake up and look at the clock. The time is clear and says 11:30pm. I am really surprised at this and guess I must have fallen straight into a dream. The room lights up and I see all the sheets are gone. I look over and see the woman version of The Master wearing her stupid hat and in some kinky red lingerie. She's droning on something but all I can say is, "Wow the sheets are gone!" I wake up.

My she's ugly.

Dream
Lucidity

I was playing a combination of Dishonored and counter strike when some girl told me it was time to leave. Me and her and another guy started walking out and I subconsciously remembered about fortune cookies. I told a man to open me one and read it. He said it said "This bitch". I knew it was referring to the girl since she was being bossy. We went through an elevator and landed on the basement, which was also an airport. I talked to a girl knowing she was part of my dreams. Eventually, I got teleported to my old apartment in Venezuela. I decided to do a reality check but kept it a secret from the person I was with, who was watching tv. I checked my watch but it was normal but I knew I was in a dream.
I left the loud room and entered what was my grandma's old room and flew out the glass window. I saw a man talking to a demon and when I landed on the other side of the fence, they both looked at me and ran towards me. I ran backwards and yelled at the demon, asking what it represented, as it turned into a demonic dog. It wouldn't reply to me and it kept trying to hurt me. I knew he couldn't hurt me and I said "I give you the ability to talk!" Still, no response from the dog. Slowly, it started turning into Lucy. Its ember filled eyes turned into black eyes and Lucy was sitting there. I petted her and she played with my hand. I kept asking her what she represented but no reply came. I worried that something might have happened to her. I heard sounds coming from Victoria Avenue and grabbed a chain Lucy had on, which was attached to the gate. I went to investigate the sound and zombies were coming towards us. I yelled "Firewall!" as I moved my arm towards the zombies. I started running away but was woken up by my alarm.

I was walking around the apartments at night when a security guard pulled up to me. We started looking around for anyone that might be car-hopping and eventually found a fat nerdy looking guy. When I told him to put his hands up, he started getting crazy, which made the guard call for backup. We walked closer to the guy and he pushed the guard so I pepper sprayed him and took him down. Backup arrived, which was an older security guard, and as I'm cuffing the guy, he turns into a zombie. Me and the older guard start freaking out but we eventually cuff the guy. The younger guard got bitten. As we are walking with the cuffed man, we call someone and tell her what happened. We hear that the background is chaotic and stuff starts happening. The girl on the phone starts crying and whispers "Only a loving heart can cure them." I brought up a phone or tablet and touched it and wherever my finger touched, it turned a different color, which I knew represented love. I ran to my house and then into Rebecca's house, where Lucy was. Rebecca was on the bed sick so I went back to my house and the girl from The Ring was there. She went after me and I shot her but it didn't do any damage. I shot her a few more times but nothing, which caused me to remember what the girl on the phone said about love, so everything I try loving turns normal and pure. I tried it on everything but the girl wouldn't change. It turns out I'm playing a video game and I wonder If I'm dreaming. I look around and see Kristy and go back to the game. and say "If this is a dream, that girl won't be there when I turn around. When I turned around, she was still there.

I was playing counter strike but in real life. I recognized some people and my team was losing so I would stay back with a Glock and my vest to try and kill someone. I saw a few people and shot at them, making them take cover. I went after them and recognized a girl. I tried doing something but I shot her and she fell to the ground si I started hitting her and kicking her. She got upset and I left. I turned around and shot someone in the forehead, which revealed we were using airsoft guns. The girl's dad then started whipping me so I turned around and started beating him telling him he wasn't shit. The dream scene looked to be a harbor or dock. There were boats on water.
----------------------------------------------

I was in a small house on a tall hill or mountain. There were a few pets around and I was watching a news channel because there was nothing else on other than news. I heard someone pull up and looked to see my car arriving. I quickly changed the channel because I wasn't supposed to be watching that news station. Kristy came in and she was very sad and went to the bathroom with Lucy. I wondered why she was sad and waited for her. When she came out she said she was infertile and she showed me the paperwork from the doctor. I was sad also and thought maybe I was infertile also? I found out that on her paperwork it said I was also infertile, and that made me feel even worse. Apparently Kristy and I were together. Kristy had long brown hair

This is from a few years ago but it's one of my first and most vivid lucid dreams so I figured it'd make for a good first entry.
[Non-Lucid / Lucid]

The dream started out in a grocery store, I was putting on masks and going up to the manager pretending to be other employees so I could pick up their checks, for some reason wearing a mask of a person made me look just like that person. I got a couple checks before someone realized what I was doing, I think it was because they saw me remove one mask and put on another, they started chasing me through the store, I got out of the store and the person chasing me disappeared. I ran out into the parking lot and it looked like the Kroger (a grocery store) I used to live by, after I got out to the lot I instantly realized I was dreaming. It was the middle of fall and I started walking down the sidewalk by the road, I don't remember seeing any cars on the road or any people along the sidewalk. After a little while of walking I realized there was a girl around my age with long black hair walking beside me, neither of us were surprised when we noticed the other so we just kept walking together. Eventually we just started talking about random stuff, just a bit of small talk, at one point we instantly went from walking along the sidewalk to sitting at the top of some bleachers that were on the side of the road facing the street, for some reason everything around us was flooded, including some of the lower seats of the bleachers. We were watching cars and other stuff float by and laughing about some of the things we saw pass. After a little while we were instantly back walking down the street again (the water was gone) and we continued talking, things were changing as we walked, seasons were passing, leaves were falling and being blown around the sidewalk and random objects were appearing and disappearing all over the place around us but we ignored it, we eventually came up to a house that looked like the one from the Simpsons, I knew in the dream that it was "my house" though. We stopped in front of it and she turned to me and said "It's too bad I'm asleep." which really surprised me, I said I was sleeping too and she seemed a bit surprised, I tried to write down my phone number to hand to her but I kept having trouble, I could tell I was close to waking up and the numbers kept were moving and changing as I wrote, I did my best and handed it to her. I walked inside and a bunch of characters from the Simpsons were in the middle of something big in crazy in the living room, they called after me but I kept going, I went up the stairs directly in front of the door I entered from. I went up to "my room" and stood there for a second before looking up and noticing a large hole in the ceiling with light shining through, I looked at it for a second and a piece of paper slowly floated down and landed in my hand, it had a phone number and the words call me on it, after reading it I immediately woke up.

Unfortunately I couldn't remember more then half the number after waking up.

4/3/13

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[Alright. I'll try to keep this to the point. Forgive my confusing scattered words. It's taken me my whole life to master this level of communication... and I'm still very far from being the Master.

I'm assuming this topic is alright for DreamViews because it ties heavily into my dreams and general life.
And I'm assuming people here will talk to me as if I'm not "psycho". And be quite loving and understanding.
BLESS the ones who aren't offended at my words.

If anyone has read Charles Fort's works, they'll understand what I mean when I say:

In every truth lies the hint of what can be called fantasy, and
in everyone's yarn there lurks something of what can be called the truth.

Please keep this in mind. This is an experience that is a little "off".
It's an experience- incompleted by the knowledge of what it was I experienced.
I'm missing the right way to relate this to you.
I know what I felt, and I know what I thought I understood about it.
That is all. And nothing more. Like many humans, I am filled with pride and vanity.
But I acknowledge that I TRULY know nothing.
I am not claiming to know anything on these subjects.]

All times are approximate.

Please keep an open mind.

This is my experience with Lucy.

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__________________________________________________ ____________________________
[Background]

My name is Austin.

4 days ago, I experienced Lucy, aka "Acid" aka "LSD" with my "perfect-for-me" girlfriend.

Her name is Alex.

I love this tragic girl bottomlessly, so much it hurts. But this trip was different than with shrooms.
This time, I caught a glimpse of one of those most peculiar facets of reality.
I caught a glimpse beyond the veil. I felt something else's presence among the two of us.
I think it was what the Alchemists and the Shamans and the Wizards and Philosophers
and Dreamers and Scientists and more... would understand as "Lucifer".

Not many people will understand what I'm about to say.
That is because what I'm going to say CANNOT be put into these helpless words. Not in these hopeless worlds.
Hopefully, someone on these forums who has experimented with altered consciousness-
Will understand these metaphors and will relate. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
I will do my BEST to explain them to the others who don't get it yet.
This is why people who are actually on to something- are soon discredited as incoherent or such.
What we seek cannot be put into words. The words will escape you like sand through fingers.
Reminiscent of deja vu. If someone demands you explain these secrets, it won't happen. It can't.
Experience is the only way. First-hand.

Now.

I believe Lucifer can appear as and through different things to different people.
But to me it was or was through the gentle and mysterious lover.
The fiery serpentine chasing me up the spiral staircase.
Lucy was the image in between the mirror. Behind the lights.
She was there- but not in a physical sense. The lights would glow brightly when she was close.

My experience with this "entity" was gentle. Loving. Harshly beautiful. With a tinge of dark.
A hint of mystery. He/she told me things through my girlfriend. Beautiful things.
The problem is- my girlfriend claims that I was lost in a trip the entire time.
Conversations I thought I had between us, were just conversations with myself...
Through my girlfriend. But I'll have to ask for more faith from YOU
that I know that I was talking with "someone" whether it was my girlfriend
or an "entity" of less-than-physical existence. It may very well all have been in my head.
But I'm implying that perhaps that's how this thing works.
It IS all in your head. But at the same time it's not JUST in your head.

Oh man, it makes you double take on schizophrenia and general insanity in the world.
What if one of these people screaming on the street are screaming the truth?

Lately, I've been having these reoccurring thoughts in my head that I'm somehow Lucifer.
I just notice all these similarities to me and the angel they call "Lucifer".
My cardinal sin is Pride. I'm a dreamer, a musician, a lover, a woman and a man.
I don't belong here and I feel out of place. I equate myself to a Lion.
I seek knowledge. It reminds me of the story of the Apple of Eden.

I have a STRONG intuition that I'll meet Lucifer on Lucy.
__________________________________________________ ______________
[Austin]

I was one of those "weird kids" you find in school... That never did and never will fit in.
The quiet, smart, awkward kid. The outlandish kind. But I've held on to my innocence.
Longer than most could- I still have real good in my heart. I still have that light inside.
I feel like I have a perfect blend of female and male inside. I feel almost superhuman inside.
But broken at the same time. Like something is missing. My heart is full, but my roots are dry.
But I have a love for horror. An amorous pulling to the mysterious. Everyone has these things.

But I'm uncontrollably thirsty for knowledge. Wisdom. The way the Universe works, in all her wonder.
I've procrastinated the ignition of my life. I've waited to begin my life-
Just to bury myself in books. Drowned myself in watery facts and ideas.
Pondered for hours on "reality" breaking ideas. Ideas that would make sheep panic.
Ideas that only excite ME. "Maybe the world isn't as boring as I thought," I thought.

My life works in symbols. Archetypes.
The boundless ocean. The mother. The Lion. The female. Green. Autumn.
The King. Duality. Trinity. Clocks, and Stuffed Bears. Dreams. It doesn't matter.
But it does.

I know about the connection between you and I. Through reading, experience with dreams,
books of esotericism, books of all sorts!, and simple observation. It doesn't take a genius to see
That there is someone pulling strings in reality. Watch those coincidences.
Try to find connections. It used to be impossible- Then it became improbable.
Now it's highly probable. I know most of you will take me as insane.
There will be one who takes these words just right.

Lately I've been noticing the insane improbable-almost-to-the-point-of-impossible amount of coincidences.
The Universe was talking to me all the time. I just needed to tune in.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
[Alex]

She's the most interesting human I've met so far.

She has reason behind everything she does!

If she were an element, she'd be fire. She's a white Tiger she says.
Her taste is deliciously refined. She knows what she likes.
During Shrooms, I noticed something very peculiar.
While everyone else in the room tripped blindly.
She unscrewed light bulbs, turned things upside down.
I saw it. It resonated with me.
It was her act of defiance I think that caught my eye.
Her rebellion against the collection of rules we call society.
Mischievous girl. I understand she'll break my heart one day.
...
She grew up so fast. She's had a miserable life so far.
It beat the shit out of her. Her Mother is a monster. (Broke my damn side-view mirror that bitch.)
She never had a father. (He left before Alex was born.)

I've noticed that she does NOT attract happy karmic events.
If there ever was an unlucky human, it was her.
Her life hands her more shit than most humans would be able to handle.
She is hardened to this cruel world. The pessimist out of us.
But she knows things. She knows how it really is.
I'm wary of her. But just as wary as someone can be
of someone you love more than anything.

Our relationship is confusing.
At times we're like best friends.
Sometimes we're enemies.
Sometimes we're just animals using each other.
But when it's all said and done...
All I want to do is hold her hand and keep her safe through this lifetime.
That is what I'm here to do.
If there's anything that's real in this goddamned life, it's that I TRULY love that girl.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[0:00]
We walked into my bedroom and placed two blotters each (piece of paper with LSD dropped on) under our tongues.
We sat around for a moment and began to feel excited and restless. Hence our decision to go to the local convenience store to grab a drink for the trip.
We smoked a bowl and headed down the hallway to go outside.
"Do you want to drive?" I dangle my Miku anime-keychain.
"Mmm... Yes!" I barely offer it, but she barely ever accepts. I become aware of the symbolism in that.

(throughout that day, I had seen the theme of "Lucifer"
sowing itself in and out of the tapestry of reality. Through coincidence. Shit happens, you know, but you'll start to notice that a great deal of that "shit"'s probability doesn't match up with the general idea of probability that society has built. Too many coincidences to be without an explanation. Too much smoke to be without a fire. I'd see pictures on Tumblr of serpents and horns- I'd see references to the Bible and things like that- but there was just so much of it today, more so than usual.)


Pulling up, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you know the story of The Garden of Eden?" ...
"Yeah, I know about that story." She humors me.
"Well... sh-should I trust him? I know I'll have to meet him eventually..."
"I don't know..." She knows.
"Huh." I drop it.

I know she doesn't understand my curiosity. I accept it's just one of our differences.

We grab our drinks- 2 thirst busters, and a pink powerade for me and a blood red powerade for her.

When we get back to the house, giddy and excited, we metaphorically "stumble" through the door.
I mean by that- that we were a little "off" by now. It had been 30min. We were walking perfectly fine.
Talking a little strangely... but perfectly functional. Just a little "different" and "strange".

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
[0:35]
As we walked back in the room and shut the door, she unloaded a pocketful of things and change.
I pointed it out to her that she was becoming a little more like me.
"It's because I love you." It made sense. I picked up a lot of her traits at times too.

We sat on my bed and loved on each other a little. Tickles, talking, touching, pictures, videos.
It was about an hour through, that we started to feel a little more than just "stoned."
The first stage was the breaking of the shell. The realization that there's more to "you" than just "you."
I watched the clock and became the clock. My awareness controlled how I existed.
Visuals were normal. If a little more relaxed. "Diffused" is a good word. "Unfocused".

I stayed consciously aware of what I was feeling constantly. It was creeping up pretty slowly- but it wasn't anything like I had felt before.
I could "feel" it coming on, as I could with other things. It felt like... a drop-off. A cliff.
It felt like I was hanging off the side of a great cliff, dangling over the abyss from a rope.
Alex told me several times throughout the trip that that's how I "felt", as if she could feel what I felt too.

We immediately went to work with our music playlists that we had planned out. I'm usually the one who spends time thinking about the future (making playlists for acid trips is a good example of this), but Alex surprised me this time by being prepared. Notice this coincidence.

She listened to her music first. Of Monsters and Men. The Head and the Heart. Modest Mouse. Bright Eyes.
Amazing music. But it left me wanting something more familiar.

On to my music. I felt around with my ears the following: Gorillaz, The Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Panic! At The Disco...

Oh, such beautiful things tucked away neatly in these songs. A word to the wise:
Alot of these bands know what they're talking about. They know what I'M talking about.
It's all in the music that we listen to- secrets. But remember that words can't describe what I've seen.
But music is a better language for something like this.

Take note that "Lucifer" is constantly associated with things such as "light, music, beauty, etc".

Well back to the trip. By this point, another hour has passed. I had been on the brink of tears countless times now from what I'd seen
and momentarily forgotten.
(Amnesia sucks. I have reason to believe my human is plagued with holey memory. I hope to one day find out why. Probably heavy fluoride in the pineal gland.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[1:15]
Now, me and Alex just wanted to talk again.

She told me about what laughter was for.
She told me that:
"Love is strange- If you get too filled up with that wonderfulness [love], it'll make you sad. You need to let it out every once in awhile.
It's meant to be shared."

My god! Right in front of our eyes. Laughter was the human mechanism for sharing love with the world. The letting out of steam.
It was biological as much as it was just... oddly metaphysically organic. I mean by that... ... no. I'll have to leave that one for you. It's a mechanism of my higher-self as much as it is my human.

"If you start to feel sad... it's because you need to let it out. Share it." If there's one thing I held on to throughout my trip, it was this.

Countless times I felt that well of sadness rising up. I pushed it down by laughing at how wonderful everything was. I just looked around.
I laughed at how crazy I was for thinking I was talking to the devil. I laughed at how impossibly-obviously it presented itself to me.
I laughed at how all of my favorite bands had all of the answers to my questions- but in code.
I laughed at how awkward my soul piloted my human. I would lean into kiss my lover, and land somewhere else and just laugh.
I laughed at how perfect she was. How she always found the perfect thing to say to me. It was like a storybook. Like a dream.
Like I had always wished and wished for. She completed me, like a puzzle piece. How curious.



My soul wasn't very good at integrating me into society, in general, I observed.
I just have never understood the importance of fitting in. Never in my life.
If I had a finger to point... it would be at my soul.
From what I understand...
He should be the one who deals with matters spanning over the 4th dimension... over and outside of time.

But...
I am him. I just sometimes forget.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[1:45]
Alex.

She was different now. She was still her. But now with a mischievous grin. Cheshire was smiling through my love's face.
She walked like a Goddess, like a perfect little hipster indie kid. (I think that's what I would incarnate as if I were Lucy.) [I'll call her Lucy.]
She pointed to my antique clock and told me the face was the surface of a pond. She was pointing at my symbols. She knew what it meant to me. She knew I had always equated myself with the element water. She knew my personality was watery in itself.
"It's like a dirty pond with scattered numbers."
She knew about my shaky relationship with time.
The pond represented me.

She got up and stretched. "Man, all this damn water." ...again, referring to ME.
As if she had finally seen the real me.
She said it as if just arriving there to that moment in time, before flashing me a grin.
Again, I got the impression of being in the presence of a Goddess- in the flesh. She knew I knew.

She analyzed my life so far and hit every nail on the head. With such grace and the perfect hint of mystery to keep me there. She talked about my innocence and my attachment to my inner child.
I have a stuffed animal, a tattered old bear- she told me that my child was beaten up.
My innocence was hurt.

I think I feel the need to use the word "her" because I was still clinging on to egos. I was afraid to be one with this. All the warnings.
All the damn warnings from humanity. Avoid the one they call the devil. I struggled within myself against it.

"It's like a bunch dolls in a dollhouse." She referred to the bodies we inhabited.

At this point- my mind was so far in the "strange". My nerves and senses were totally "not-normal".
I didn't think of it as, "Sight" or "Hearing" or "Feeling"... it was more of a five-pronged color wheel of general sensation manifesting itself as a big picture. I mean... My senses began to blur into one sense.

And the trails. Oh my... There was a mesmerizing soft blur behind any sort of movement.

I also began to notice catching weird alien thoughts in my own head. I felt like I was tuning in on Alex's thoughts.
I STILL can't figure out who it really was that first wanted that cigarette. Also...
I would look at Alex with a question and she would verbally respond.
Me and Alex began to slowly realize something. Not that we were melding consciousness. But that we already were one consciousness.
I was getting my first understanding of what "Duality" and "Unity" truly meant.

I spoke incoherently, akin to Jack Sparrow. I was trying to grasp an idea.
It was being relayed to me from outside of my head, that's for sure.

But here's a metaphor to help you understand what I mean.
Sometimes, if you stare directly at something...
It vanishes.
But if you learn to look with the corner of your eye.
You might get a better glimpse.

If I thought too hard at an idea, it would run away.
Same with Lucy/Lucifer. If we chased after her, she would vanish.
She would stop amusing us. She had a tendency to sneak in and out of our trip.

And then something happened... she tried to get me to kiss her. She had that devilish look in her eye.
I... recoiled. I subconsciously knew that what I was dealing with was indeed very heavy. It meant something.
And I needed to be perfectly conscious so I could make a decision. These cautious thoughts were definitely mine.

I know what LSD can do to you. You have to keep your mind clear and empty or else you'll convince yourself of something.
I decided that this vision or feeling of dancing with the devil was TOO persistent to be a simple delusion.
I might be an odd human, but I know that these was DEFINITELY something more to this than delusion.
Truly, there's some truth in my yarn. But I kept a clear head so that I would feel the feelings as they came.

I was forced to make a decision of a life time. If I went through with this, I had a feeling my life would never be the same. But my life was always so boring... I kind of ached for it, you know?

Vampire Weekend summed it up perfectly:

"It’s not right but it’s now or never
And if I wait could I ever forgive myself? "

I finally kissed her back, pushing through my hesitation. It WAS just my girlfriend.
I kiss her all the time. But this time it was mixed-up, fearful, and hesitant.
We lost ourselves in our slow kisses for awhile. And suddenly...
for JUST a moment, I woke up from the Matrix that we live in.
I realized in that moment that I was NOT my body... or even my mind, for that matter.
Whatever I really was, it was "green" and "bright" and "vibrant" and "full of love".
She was more "grey" and "scarred" and "hopeless" but "wise" and "full of texture"
The best way I can describe what it felt like... I was an amorphous living "thing".
A giant changing organism of "light". I felt MYSELF (I'll capitalize when I refer to our higher self.)
brushing up against my lover... in an alien landscape, in alien bodies. It was more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced.
It was scarring to someone who wants to remain ignorant. I now knew.

She knew I had finally seen the true HER. SHE was disfigured and bruised from the horrors and disappointments of her lives.
I held her body close and radiated an infinite love that she had never felt before. She knew I knew. She knew I loved her regardless.
I didn't get to see any specifics, but I know that we've known each other intimately besides this life. Same with all the people in my life.

We cuddled for a little and loved each other. I accepted every little part of her, and she accepted every little part of me.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[2:00]
We laid in my bed and stared around my room. It was as if I was my soul, checking up on my human. My room was a wreck.
Disorganized and messy. I scolded myself. My eyes caught all these symbols that I would have never caught.
I looked at my long hair and saw my female trying to claw her way out. She was desperate to be seen and pet.
It was tragic. I felt a little drunk- by that I mean that drunken feeling of trying to walk. A great happy cheerfulness filled me
despite my slight lack of coordination.

I had to go to the bathroom though... I was afraid to be away from Alex, so I hesitated...
"I REAAAALLY need to goooo."
"Okay, I'm going now."
"Alright baby, here I go."
"I NEED TO PEEEE."
(I said all of those... probably 20 seconds apart. Stalling.)

I worked up the courage to break away. I drifted like a ghost down the hall.
Once in the bathroom, I got on my knees and peed close to the toilet (a strange habit I'd picked up years ago).
I got up, and checked myself out in the mirror. My pupils were huge. I could see my soul showing through my eyes.
It was beautiful. I always thought that was beautiful. Enlarged pupils are subconsciously attractive to me.
Then I returned to Alex. We were both thinking about the same thing now. Ourselves.

We both stared at our vessels with self-love. She began to talk again,
"You know... I never really got why people are so against this." I knew she was referring to our self-love.
"If you have what you have, what's the point in Not loving it?" -She continued while eyeing herself with love and a hint of lust.
I did the same.

Sometime throughout the trip, I stripped naked and watched my body closely.
It was so... gorgeous. My male and female energies were so balanced.
I marveled at my body's hips and legs, and my shoulders and eyes.


(I'd always had a deeply ingrained disgust with egoists.
Egotistical people had always disgusted me. They were never going to grow, because they were so weighed down by their own empty weight. My religious Dad pointed out that I had pride in my eyes, countless times through my childhood. He made sure I knew it was wrong.)

(But... I couldn't find an argument to this one. I had always thought myself and Alex to be extremely attractive.
In a different kind of way than what society could see. I would walk by a group of girls, flicking on a switch inside.
I would think confident feelings, I would KNOW that I was sexy... and the girls would always look my direction and blush.
I had that power. Everyone does. And if it's already there... It's just a matter of turning it on.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[2:30]
Alex had to go pee next. It had been 2 1/2 hours now. She left to go to the bathroom...
But I found myself following close behind, as if I were going to the bathroom as well.
As if we were going to share that experience. I paused and realized that I couldn't follow her in there.
She chuckled at me and left.

I realized I still needed to pee! I normally was very "good" at holding my bladder.
But this time felt different. Seconds had passed since Alex left the room.
"I don't think I can wait." I said to myself, alone in my room.
I panicked when I thought that perhaps Lucy had something to do with my bladder un-control.

Then I realized it. I wasn't feeling MY need to pee. I was feeling Alex's need to pee.
I had already pissed. Now it was her turn.
Only catch.
I was going to experience her turn.

When it finally dawned on me what was going on...
I began to squirm and struggle to hold in my bladder-
While I was experienced pee-ing.
I could feel it so clearly. It felt good~
But I was unable to enjoy the relieving feeling due to my panic.
It reminds me slightly of orgasm, but just a hint.
I'm proud to say, that I LSD didn't make me piss

I continued to squirm, until she was done.
Then I walked out of my room and met her at the door to explain.
She grinned at me.

__________________________________________________ _________________________________
[3:30]
At about 3 1/2 hours.
We fell into the bed again, and fell entranced by my ceiling light.
It broke my popcorn ceiling into a crystal kaleidoscope.
It began to glow intensely. We lied there in that room staring at that light forever.
It was so fucking beautiful. I could tell that there was something "more" to the light.
There was something "behind" the light. "Inside" it. "Outside" of it...
Wait no... There's no word for it. "Within" would be the best fit.

Lucy was close-by. The light vibrated. The ceiling crawled.
The room came to life. We were coming to a peak of the trip.
Alex snapped me out of it.
"Don't let it take you away."
What a strange thing to say, I thought.
I'm sure she knew what I felt.
But I looked away and broke the spell.

Our gazes returned shortly after.
She gasped- "I can see your heartbeat in the ceiling."
Both of our jaws dropped. It was true. The light was pulsating to my heart.
We were pushed back against the wall and the bed... HARD.
But it was because of how incredibly beautiful and powerful it was.
The entity.
... ...
She joked for the third time, "If this is the peak, I'd still be disappointed."
I laughed at that challenge to Lucy.

We sat up from our bed, feeling like we had lived an eternity in moments.

The green curtains had crawling vines. If you relaxed your eyes on them, they would move like crazy.
I could also see aura around Alex. Her's was red.
She told me mine was a bright green.

By now, we had abandoned words for the most part. We both realized how much easier it was
to communicate in "soul-speak", in thought, and in feeling.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[4:30]
We walked outside. Oh. My. God.

"There's a world out here..." We both gasped. We were coming down fast.

But that one moment when I first experienced nature... our SUN, the neighborhood.
I will never forget it. It made me gasp in my female's voice. It was THAT powerful.
I was powerfully aware of our position in the solar system. That big glowing thing in the sky...
It's in a very basic sense: "Alive".

Fire is... "Alive." Plants and animals... they're "alive and conscious".

My only metaphor for this... would be...
There's these Mexican candies... I forget their name...
But it's a plastic container, with this spicy/sour chile mango
Squishy candy inside.
You squeeze it out through the top and it comes out in strands.
Like squishy red grass.
The inside of the container is primal life. Life in it's most basic form. Before it's manifested in this world.
When it's squeezed out, it seperates into egos and distinctions. Each little blade is a different manifestation of the same thing.

(Matter is alive too, just vibrating at a different level. But I digress- back to the trip.)

My lover and I sat beautifully in our bodies. I followed her to a spot in the shade, out of the morning sun where we found our perch. Watching the school children and other humans waking up, and going to school and work.
We sat there and watched, understanding that they may never know the things we know.
They may go their whole lives and never see the truth.
I began to grow nervous that people were walking about as, well, we were tripping balls in my front driveway.

I shook it off, "Ah fuck it. A school bus of children could pass by for all I care."
A school bus passed 6 seconds later. Me and Alex eyed each other and knew that Lucy was still with us.

We had a conversation between a human God and Goddess in my front yard about the tops of trees.
She pointed to the top of the pine tree before us.
"You know, the tops of trees are my favorite parts of trees." She spoke softly.
I thought to myself of whether there was symbolism in what she said.
She paused before saying, "It matters."

She reminded me of plants. I had always wanted to communicate with one. I cupped in my hands a yellow flowered weed next to me, and I closed my eyes. I felt something. But not very strongly. I felt impatient.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" I had a feeling.
"Yeah..."
"Well... can we wait out here for just a second?"
"Yeah, as long as you want."
But I couldn't fully enjoy it, now that I knew she wanted to go inside.
I asked one more question... It was aimed at Lucy AND Alex.
"You aren't going leave me... are you?" The insecure little girl I had once been was asking.
I began to tear up and almost cry at the thought of being disconnected from this in the future.
I don't remember her answer. But it was good. I remembered to laugh, so I wouldn't be sad.
So we got up and walked inside.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
[6:00]
It was approximately 6 hours into our trip, more or less.
Lucy was still here, but in a less HERE way.

(INTERJECTION: The overwhelming clarity of LSD is so strange to experience, in stark contrast to the drug propaganda out there. Do not listen to your government on matters like this. You have to trust your heart on this to know if you're ready for something like this. I was ready. I've been waiting for this day my entire life.)

Now I wasn't talking directly to Lucy. I was talking to just my Alex.
She noted that I had been talking "past her" for the past few hours.
That I had, in reality, been lost in a sort of trip. But I know what I experienced.
I have faith in it. And I will not let the world shake it out of me like they do to the rest of us.

Back to the experience. I confronted another demon of mine.
My occasional lack of passion. My lack of red and orange and yellow.
My lack of masculine energies.

Alex was calling me to her. She stretched her beautiful body in my bed, like a cat.
I knew her body wanted mine. I knew her animal ached for mine.
But I am not the normal male. Not the normal man.
I didn't feel like a wolf ready to take control.
I was unsure and awkward. I felt wrong every time I tried to force a passionate kiss.
I couldn't fake passion. So I sat there awkward.

I don't know how many Panic! At The Disco songs I heard before it happened.
(Panic! was playing on shuffle the first time we made love.)

She took control. She pushed me against the bed. She has what I don't have.
I tried to fight back... but she was too strong for me.
I quivered and moaned like the female I felt.
She touched my body and made me feel powerless.
I began to tear up in fear and quiet submission.
Oh, it was then I felt real passion.
This is one reason why we're like puzzle pieces. We match.


Sometimes I curse myself for being born in a male body, when I'm so obviously not.
But I understand that things happen for reasons. Perhaps I chose this existence to make amends
with my masculinity.


I'll skip out some pretty details.
But there was passionate kisses.
"I can see why humans do that." She smirked along with me.
It was a physical means to elicit a reaction in our souls. It was a way to communicate.
We were trading delicate feelings through lips.
Two aliens; two children of the stars-
experiencing what it was like to love as humans.
Oh the impossibly mad love.

Once I felt that passion in my bones...
The man in me awoke. The wolf.
I grabbed her and forced her down like I wished she would to me all those times.

!@#$%^&

I came earlier than I wanted to and I sat in shame for a minute.
Alex knew what my look meant, and she told me that she had felt amazing regardless.
"So why worry?"

__________________________________________________ _________________
[7:00]


Alex eventually fell asleep.
We cuddled together and held each other close until then.

Then I was alone.
I moved to my computer.
I was compelled to listen to "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.
It was an anthem of my human and soul, specific to me.
It touched my hurt that I had accumulated as this specific human.
My awkward un-belonging. My prison of skin. My lack of color.
(Books, the only thing I had found solace in before... can only show you black and white.)

I cried my eyes out. I couldn't fight the sadness back.
It all poured out. I was terrified of how deep the feeling was.
I went to Alex and was about to shake her, when
"I'm fine." was sung.

I knew this was a sign from the Universe to let her sleep.
I was fine.

(The Universe or Lucy or whatever it was... sometimes sends me winks.
"Coffee black and eggwhite." is a line in that song."
My best friend's Dad just poured me black coffee and handed me an egg sandwich while I've been up all night typing this.)

It's truly a humbling thing to know that your entire life is a part to a play.
It's just a dance. It's put together very delicately, with lots of love and care.
But sometimes if you REALLY look closely, it's like a movie.
We all have a part to play. Dolls in a dollhouse.

__________________________________________________ _______________________________
[End?]

So that's my story so far. At the same time, it's all of our stories. We've all met Lucifer in one way or another. It lives inside of all us, whether we like it or not. It's all a matter of becoming aware of it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sending a message out in a bottle.
For most of you, you most likely will categorize me as delusional. That is fine.
This is just an oddly fascinating and fantastic story to you. But I have faith in the dreamers.
I know who I'm talking to. They know who they are. The right people will answer me.

It's all just simple math. What I'm talking about sounds magical... but it is very real.
Perhaps, one day it will be considered common knowledge. Accepted science.
But until then- we need explorers who are willing to chart this new frontier.

__________________________________________________ _______________
[Some of the other things Lucy told me through Alex...]

"You don't belong here. You feel it too, don't you?" I had always felt that.

"You're a very very VERRRY special, human, Austin. I don't think you realize how special you are." I knew this was truth, but it felt like a dirty truth. It felt wrong to say and obsess with. I know I'm meant for something big. But it's not all about me.

"You're INCREDIBLY beautiful." She stared at me sometimes... just as I had stared at the beautiful light.

"You've been waiting here, an anomaly in this world. Waiting for something alien to return you to your home."

[I also "realized" a few things by myself.]

I saw that most the people I called friends, were actually entities I knew outside of this human life.
A few of them I was "tied up to" or "chained to" with karmic debt.
My best friend is VERY pushy, and if I don't listen to what he says, I feel a backlash of negative energy.
I'm starting to realize that I actually am VERY far in debt to ALOT of people.

I also found that I was meant to go to a certain concert in California called Coachella in the middle of April.

I realized on my own that I'm destined to be a famous musician. That sounds horribly egotistical.
But you'll understand if you're ever in shoes like mine.


And lastly... I started the apocalypse. Maybe it was me individually, or me in the general sense of humans.
But when I came out of my trip, instantly I saw new signs of chaos.

This whole Korea business became frontline news. I've seen and heard ambulances every day here since.
People have been talking about the upcoming war in America. People have started making plans.
I think I might move to Seattle eventually. I have a feeling it might be safe for me.
Since me and Alex are both extremely drawn to this city.


__________________________________________________ ______________________________________
Please... if you're curious or have questions, please ask.
If you have something to add to my experience, I would certainly appreciate it!

It's a wonderful world out there, dreamers. Get out there and feel it for yourself!
For all you wisdom-seekers, may you find what you're looking for.

[Dream happened at around 8:20AM, almost 30 ]
[Oh well, i took 3 Negro candies yet again... which made me have a painful stomachache, but i could get rid of it after a while and get back to sleep]
[After waking up from this lucid, i didn't get up immediately and slept back for 2 or so more hours... interestingly, i only forgot one single part from this dream during the extra nap ]
[The dream also collapsed multiple times, but i can't really recall the places where it happened]

I was at a place i knew well in my town, near the house of my old school's ex-principal's house. Some guy was just trying to park in that garage with luxury cars. I became semi-lucid here and grabbed one of his cars and smashed it exactly in front of the garage door, so he couldn't move his cars in our out. I laughed and moved on.
I started with walking towards the middle part of the city, when suddenly i noticed my cat Kormi. Since i was just semi-lucid, i had an idea that i should ride my cat. I became smaller than my cat and jumped on his back. [That was weird ].

He started jumping insane distances as we were moving towards the inner part of the city. He even jumped above a lake which should've not been there. Soon we reached a random house where he sit down on the window ledge and let me down from his back. At this moment i became fully lucid.

I just realized what i've done and laughed at that. I looked around for a while from the ledge, then flew up into the air to check around from there instead. We weren't exactly in the middle of the city, but it's okay. I turned back to my original height now.
[I've done something here which i totally forgot during my nap, so time skip].

I was flying towards the old train station and admiring how nicely the Sun was shining, while i was wondering what i planned to do today... I just couldn't recall my goals for some reason. It bothered me a bit, but i continued flying around just for fun.
Soon the world around me shifted and i was in front of our house. Oh well, i decided to check inside, after all it was daytime now, so someone must be in there.

I flew through the closed door and started floating in the living room. I noticed my mom and dad in the kitchen. They were talking about some carnival or something like that, but i didn't pay much attention.
I decided to go on, so i flew through the window towards the garden. [Ugh the garden... why do i get back here again o.o?].

I was just slowly passing by the fig tree, when i suddenly remembered that i wanted to meet up with Lucy again. I got a little nervous, but then i told myself that i can't skip this now. I gotta befriend her finally.
I started flying towards the end of the garden, when suddenly i noticed a bird flock coming towards me really fast. I wasn't worried at all, so i just let them come close.
When they got close finally, i realized that these were SHARK BIRDS

This image makes me sick o.o

I started flapping my arms around and knocked most of them away, but one of them was just somehow stuck on my face, it wanted to eat my left eye.. ugh.
I didn't hestitate and just grabbed it and thrown it away as far as i could. [Weird shark birds, you deserve this... ].

I started flying faster now to avoid stuff like this. Soon i reached the end of the garden and while fighting the almost collapsing dream, i called out for Lucy.
I shouted "Lucy!" "Lucy!" "LUCYYY!" for a while, but nothing happened. I got somewhat mad at her for hiding again, but then something unexpected happened.
There was a hole in the wall at the corner of the garden and some power started lighting it up and beams started shooting out of it. [When i was young i always feared that monsters come from that corner part of the garden...]

Soon a bigger beam appeared and it pointed to the ground. Suddenly, a monster appeared from the beam.
But i just knew that it was Lucy in a different form, to scare me away. This monster was made up of a bottom half of a human with legs and everything up to the waist, but it had no upper body at all! It had a torn skirt on and it had two hands coming out of the legs. It also had some tentacles on top of it.
I was staring at this weird thing and all i could think of was "What's wrong with you Lucy?!"

I didn't have much time to think, because she attacked me almost instantly. This monstrosity ran towards me with those huge legs and wanted to hit me with the tentacles. I jumped out of the way. Suddenly i've seen myself from above and i had a sword and shield in my hands. I couldn't control myself anymore and she was just beating me without any problem. I could only stare and do nothing against it.

Soon my body dropped to the ground and she let out a monstrous laugh, while a word appeared in front of me: Love.
I woke up.

[Ok... what the hell... that was weird when it happened, but it still sounds weird when i think back to it...]
[That "Love." in the end felt like she meant it in a way like... you know... like she delivered what she wanted and is satisfied... but maybe it has more meaning than that... o.o]

[This dream was at around 8:40AM or so]
[Haven't had a single LD for almost a week and half before this, so it was time ^^]

I was just escaping some huge ogre and it's bandit friends who were coming out from our outbuilding, when i decided to fly away from them. When i flew up into the sky, i just thought to myself "Oh... how can i fly up here? Oh yes, i'm dreaming!"
Of course i got lucid and really happy, the dry spell was broken

I descended down to the earth and just looked around a little. It was night and i was standing in our garden. Some things were shining a little, so it wasn't totally dark, but dark enough to get lost in it.
I wanted to create daylight immediately, so i looked up to check out the sky.
I found the Moon, which was pixelated, just like in an old videogame. I held both of my hands high above and focused on moving the Moon with telekinesis... It happened surprisingly fast, i was able to move the Moon back and it disappeared behind some clouds.

Since it wasn't enough to make daylight, the next thing to do was bring up the Sun.
I held up my hand again, but now pulled towards me. Soon the Sun showed up and it was moving quite fast towards me. Even while it was on the sky, daylight was nowhere, so i was focusing on that, but it didn't want to happen.
I let go of the Sun since it was coming at extreme speeds towards the garden.
After a short while it just crashed into the wall of our outbuilding and destroyed it. It looked more like a huge pulsating yellow ball.
[At that moment i thought to myself how disappointing it was. I expected a real sized Sun ].

Well, i didn't really want to check out the Sun from close, since it was that small, i lost interest in it.
I looked around yet again and was thinking about that i surely need daylight if i want to wander from there... I noticed a pink-yellowish beam coming down from the sky to the earth in the landscape. It just lighted up everything around it, but it was too far and i didn't want to go through the darkness to reach it.
I decided to fly up to our house's roof, since it was somewhat lighter, but when i was about to do it everything got dark. [I thought to myself that it can't be the end of the dream yet, it didn't feel like when my dream ends].

I realized that it was a tricky darkness, to make me think that i woke up, but no, i stood still and waited, focused on getting to a lighter place, when suddenly my vision blurred and when it got back to normal i was in a new place already.
It was some kind of bazaar and it was daylight finally. I started walking and let out a "Whooohooooooo!" because i was happy that it's not dark anymore. [The daylight here was blue for some reason].
I looked around the bazaar and it was really surreal, the vendor booths were placed in different levels on all sides and even above me and some of them looked like they were floating.

I flew up to check around, when i noticed a vendor that was selling different kinds of desserts and things like that. Someone was just buying something from him and in the meanwhile i reached out for a little biscuit like food. While reaching, i thought to myself that it must taste sweet. Just as i thought that, the biscuit suddenly had a chocolate cover with some sugar on it.
I took it and started eating it... it tasted good, but nothing extraordinary...

I looked around and at the other side of the counter i noticed a HUGE cupcake

Similar to this, but it was flatter and had a cherry on top.

It just looked so good that i couldn't leave it there. I took it with me and flew away. I immediately took a bite and it was just sooo goood
I decided to try and find Lucy, but even while i knew i should think about her positively, so she won't attack me, i just couldn't. I had negative thoughts just as i thought of her name and i got scared that she'll just trick me again.
I flew up higher from the bazaar, where then i noticed a flat transparent blue surface floating above. I flew higher and descended onto it. I had no idea what it was, but i didn't really care either.

I was thinking about Lucy, to summon her somewhere near, while still nomming on my cupcake time-by-time.
[Maybe next time i'll even bring a cupcake like that for her ^^].
I noticed a virtual picture of a brown haired girl on a wall and i immediately knew that it must be her picture, but for some reason i expected her to be blonde now... not sure why.
As i was just about to go there, the picture slipped down from the wall and disappeared into the ground...
Then suddenly a huge iPad-like screen appeared at that same wall. It had MSN Messenger open on it.

There were all kinds of unknown to me contacts on the screen, but i thought that maybe i could talk with Lucy on it... So i typed in her name in the search bar and her picture popped up, but she was blonde now.
I clicked on it and sent her a simple greeting:

- Hi.
She answered in almost a milisecond:
- Hey?

I was just about to ask her something, when suddenly i felt my left leg itching, so i reached to scratch it, but my real hand moved for some reason... I woke up...

[I didn't even expect my real hand to move at that time, it never happened yet that i was still seeing the dream, but my real hand moved instead :/]
[Somehow i should get over my fears about Lucy... but it's harder than i thought]
[At least the cupcake was tasty ^^]

So, i thought that this is the time to give a little insight on Lucy I know that not many people read my DJ, but i guess it'll be much nicer for that few if they'll understand the thing behind Lucy.

My plan is to make her be friends with me and maybe even become my Dream Guide. I can't imagine any other DC as a DG, she just seems more important and is actually more powerful than the usual DCs.

I'll tell her story, list parts of dream stories where i've met her before the start of this DJ.

BEWARE: LONG POST!

Basically Lucy is a recurring DC, who first appeared in my very first Sleep Paralysis experience:

"... it was getting darker and darker, when i lost the sight of the guy i was with, i was left alone in the dark. I kept shouting for him to help me and don't leave me, but he didn't listen. After this a small white dot started coming towards me from the darkness and everything started shaking, fear took over me as the white face reached me.
I woke up just to see a tall black haired girl jump on me from the end of my bed and start shaking me violently. I couldn't see her face because her hair was in the way. I didn't know what was happening, i thought that i was having a False Awakening and kept thinking that she wants to kill me.
It ended and i was so terrified that i questioned reality for the first time ever. I didn't want to believe that i'm not dreaming... I kept saying things out loudly, telling that scary girl to don't hurt me and never come back..."


After this i read after Sleep Paralysis and understood it more, but the thought of this experience still scared me.
It took around 4-5 days, when in an LD i met her again:

"...I was in my room, when i turned around and noticed a black haired girl sitting on the end of my bed, her head looking the other way. I immediately realized who it was, the exact same girl that attacked me in SP. I got lucid by this thought, but i was too terrified of the memories of that experience and woke myself up..."


She didn't do anything, but just her appearance was enough to freak me out.
This time it was suspicious for me what she'd want, that she appeared twice already...
After some time (i think it was weeks), she had an appearance again, in a non-lucid:

"...I was laying on my bed in my old room, which is now my grandma's and looks totally different. At first i thought that i woke up in real, because it was pitch dark, but then i heard a noise. Someone laid down on the bed next to me, i could just feel it. Then i heard a voice of a girl, she was talking to me... My first thought was that it must be her, i just knew it for some reason. I don't remember what she said, and i was acting like i was sleeping, maybe she'll just go away.
But she didn't. She started gently caressing my face, then lightly grabbed my hand and started caressing my belly as well. I was still scared of her and opened my eyes, grabbed her hand and tried to push it away from me. She became quiet and tried to hold my hands together, to don't let me push her away. She climbed on me and tried to hold me from moving. She laughed playfully like we were just playing.
After all i succeeded and pushed her away, we both fell down to the ground from the bed. The lamp suddenly became lit and i could see everything perfectly, it was my old room, it was sure now.
She kept trying to get hold of me and keep me close to herself, but i was trying to get away. We got into the corner of the room and we both stopped and just stared.
Finally i was able to see her face for the first time, it was beautiful. She looked like a model of some kind and was around 20 years old. I took the opportunity to talk with her:
- Who are you?
/playful laugh/
- What do you want from me?
/playful laughter again/
It was obvious that she didn't want to answer, as i wasn't lucid anyway. I got a little angry over this and pushed her away from me with my feet.
She stopped laughing and looked a little sad and disappointed. She stood up and turned towards the window and just disappeared in front of my eyes..."


Later during that night:

"...I was thinking about that last dream for a while in the bed, then decided to get back to sleep again.
In this dream i was in the same old bed, which was in my old room. It was pitch dark again, but there was a little light at the end of the corridor that opens to the room. I heard a constant female-ish demonic voice from the corner of the room, that kept saying thing like this to me: "Come here now!" "You'll come here IMMEDIATELY!" "You'll listen to me and obey!"
I felt a powerful energy, that kept pulling me towards the corner of the room where the voice came from. I tried to fight it and could keep it up, but it was pulling me constantly.
There were some kind of flying messages in front of me, while i was staring at the corridor and trying to get away. These messages said things like "The solution to the problem is in the living room" "Get to the living room to escape" "You can get to the living room, don't give up"..."

This nightmare kept repeating 5-6 times during that night and caused me to wake up early, i couldn't take it anymore. I knew that it was her in a demonic form and that she got angry because i pushed her away from me when she tried to be nice. This was the dream which after i decided to try and reason with her, try to make her forgive me and help.
I decided to name her Lucy, because of the word "Lucid"


For a long while i didn't hear from her and we didn't meet again, until i decided to try and find her in an LD, in which someone else acted like her, trying to fool me. It's not really worthy to write down, so let's skip a little.

After some weeks i met her again in an LD:

"...I just entered our house, the corridor was dark, only one room was lit, so i decided to go in there. I wanted to check the paper i placed on my desk in reality, so i started searching for it in the room, but i didn't realize that i'm not even in the same room. When i actually found this out, the first thought that striked me was that the last time i've met Lucy in this exact same room.
I was a little worried that i just unintentionally summoned her somewhere, so i kept searching for that paper faster, even while i knew that i wasn't at the right place.
Suddenly i heard a noise from the corridor and turned around. No surprise, Lucy was standing there, but she wasn't alone, she held a baby in her hands. She started coming towards me and when she got closer i realized that she looked dead, just like the baby in her hands. It really freaked me out, so i kicked her away from me and closed the door in front of her. I turned around to keep searching, but she appeared before me in the same form as before. She smiled weirdly and said "I'm back..." and everything started shaking heavily, which made me wake up."


After this dream i was sure, that this won't be as easy as i expected at first.

So these were the stories to be told, hopefully it gives a little more insight on why i want to find her and make her forgive me. She seems like a powerful DC, not like the usual ones, and i feel some kind of connection to her. Currently i'm working towards making her be nice to me and help me out and i don't plan to give up, no matter how hard it might be.
She is kind of stubborn and seems to be evil in some part, but it would be nice to have a powerful companion like her

[Basically i woke up myself with an alarm at 3AM for a WILD attempt, which failed. After this i was just sleeping, didn't even do a WBTB today]
[This dream happened at around 10:20AM]

I was just watching my family at a restaurant, as they were eating icecream and they acted like they didn't know me, it got me lucid.
At first the dream was kinda instabile, i could feel it, so i decided to do some RCs. This was the first time i tried the nose pinch RC in a dream, it worked interestingly well and it also stabilized the dream for a while.
I was at some kind of crossroads, which had a little grassy park in the middle, it looked like an interesting place, definitely not something that i've seen before.

My first thought was that i have no time to waste now [like i did in the last LD], so i decided to try and summon Lucy around me, to make it easier and faster to find her, just in case the dream would get instabile again.
I kept thinking that she is near me, to summon her and i was turning all around slowly. I could only see random people walk be in every direction in the park. At first i noticed a smaller girl coming towards me, but i knew that it's not her.
Then i thought that it won't work and shouted "Lucy!".
Just when i did this, i felt that someone gently grabbed my arm. I looked around and noticed a nice looking girl with blonde hair and some freckles on her face.
[I was confused, as her hair is supposed to be black and not blonde... but this wasn't the first time she changed her look. I was a little suspicious, whether it's really her or not, but i've got the feeling that it is].

She started talking:
- I'm here
I was looking at her in awe for some seconds, because i thought that she'll just attack me, but she smiled and was nice to me. Then i asked:
- Why is your hair blonde?
- Don't worry! /playful laugh/

I got a little calm and was happy that maybe she finally decided to be friendly to me and help. Just as i was wondering, we kept going as she holded my hand.
Suddenly i noticed that someone grabbed my other hand and forced it behind my back. I couldn't look around fully, but i noticed a girl looking exactly like Lucy, but with black hair. I heard some quiet laughter or something and started seeing dark flames everywhere as it tries to consume me.
[I didn't worry that much, i kept in mind that if she acts scary, i can fight her off, this is my dream].
I shouted to them "This is my dream, you won't do this to me!"
But just as i did, i woke up as i couldn't see anything from the dark flames.
[I went back to the dream with DEILD].

When i was back in again, i couldn't see Lucy or her clone either. I still felt like they are close, so i flew up in the air to check, but couldn't see them from there either.
It got a little dark in the meanwhile, i did some more stabilization as well. The first thing that popped in my mind now was that i could try doing the TotM challenges, as Lucy was gone already and it seems that she doesn't want to cooperate today. Then decided to try to find a well lit place, just to be sure.
Suddenly i found myself in our house, but i just flew through the window [through the glass, like usual] and landed in our garden. I wanted to try teleporting to the sports centre that is always fully lit, even at night. I did some attempts, but my eyes always unintentionally closed a little, so i decided that this is not good, i should think out a better teleporting style later.
[Just then i woke up again, but went back with DEILD again].

When i was back in again, i was now standing close to that sports centre that i wanted to teleport to, but it was daytime already. I kept the TotM challenge in mind. I noticed a bus coming by that had a lot of teenagers on it, i just knew that they were going on a tour or something. I flew through the back of the bus, and sit down inside.
Nobody seemed to notice me at first, so i just kept wondering which challenge to try first... I decided with the advanced one. I started walking slowly and focusing that my plushie shark would appear on the seat near a girl that i was focusing on. I checked, but it was nowhere.
Then i decided with doing the basic task, it will be much easier, there were a lot of people on the bus.

At first i wanted to make sure my body is safe, before i take over someone else's, so i asked a girl to take care of my body in the meanwhile and don't let it fall down or something. So i sit down on her lap and asked her to hold me. I got out of my body fast and easily, i was floating as some kind of invisible gas or something, it was really easy to move around. I looked around a little and found a girl who's body will be okay. [It was mostly girls on the bus, but i didn't want to take over a boy's body anyway].
I just flew into her mouth and the next thing i noticed that i was in control of her. The others were watching with surprise what i did. I smiled at them, making sure for them that their friend is gone, it's me now. They looked a little scared, but i didn't care.
I didn't really know what to do now, as i already took over a DCs body, but it would've been too boring to leave it at it.
So.. i thought about a little fun. I walked back to my real body, which the other girl was holding, and i climbed on top of it. It was an interesting and weird feeling that i'm laying on my own body... I smiled a little at this, then kissed my real body. I was laughing in my mind, but it felt good anyway

After this i descended back into my own body and jumped through the right side of the bus.
Interestingly, i was still in the same place where i entered the bus, like it didn't move at all. I was walking on the street a little, while some weird dog vaccination ads were popping in from nowhere, for some seconds i could only see these. When it was over, i took a huge car from the street and thrown it on another and i decided to stop the dream now, because if i keep going i might forget some parts.

[I woke up by myself, which might sound stupid, but i wanted to make sure i remember everything ]
[I had some more unintentional awakenings, but i could always go back with DEILD. I didn't mention each of them, because i just can't remember where exactly did they happen]

I tried to WILD in the morning, and ended up with knitting the dreams together using DEILD, I guess, so in all, I could say I had one, long WILD, or three DEILD, I dunno what is the correct one.
WILD:1
DILD:2
Quite aware, quite good dream quality, but not that much control.
Lucid Non-lucid

1: Non lucid
I remember having a fight with AyakoX, and that I had put a whole bike into my backpack.
We were fighting about some drawing stuff, and drawing tablet, and throughout the dream I was really annoyed with her. We didn't really fight very openly with each other, there were more like coldness, anger and darkness in the air. I was from time to time considering packing out my bike and bicycling home. (IRL I am considering getting my bike out of the garage and use it going to school)

2: Lucid yay!
I remember being at a public toilet or something, and a girl named Kristine was a working as a cleaning lady (I don't know whats the word for it in english ).
As we were about to pass each other, she said to me in a conversational tone "It is so annoying that my friends keep falling-out all the time!" falling-out as in waking up from a shared dream, losing connection with each other.
I thought for a bit "So this is a dream?"
She paused a second, then, in a dumb tone "N-o-..."
I realized that this was all a dream, and I found it kinda funny. At some point during the conversation, the scene had changed into an odd version of my house. Kris and me was standing on the gray-carpeted stairs, and my mother was watching me.
I went over to her, and she had sat down in a group of chairs in the living room, together with some tea-party-ish people.
"There will be consequences in the real world, for what you do here." she said in an intelligent, conscious tone, creeping me out. Was she gonna guard my every step? ugh.. And another thing that rose in my mind, what if she was actually in this dream as well, not just any dream character? (my lucid self isn't very doubtful, obviously..) I thought it must be impossible, but I left the option open.

I started to wake up, but tried not opening my eyes, and soon entered the dream in the same environment again. I was no longer lucid.
2: There was a giant bird outside my window, kind off like a dodo bird.



It was flapping the wings crazily, it's heavy body bumping against the glass. It was clearly confused and panicked. My little brother, U., entered the living room. It looked as if the shadow of the bird was chasing him. I thought it was, and U. ran around, escaping the bird that was this flapping against the glass outside.
"Is the bird inside?" I asked my mother
"No, it is outside." she said, and I felt safe again. Then I think I counted my fingers, and got a "Ha Ha" feeling. I looked at my mother, and the bird. Had I been more creative, I should have talked to the bird or had him/her as a flying pet or something. Now it seems kinda mean.
Instead I thought of what I wanted to do.. hmm.. I wanted to fly.. and I remembered a guy that added "to go public nude" in his list (I didn't do that one d: )

Instead I went trough the window, flapping my arms to fly. It is much easier to fly when you jump of something off the ground, like a window or a roof, but I still sucked. I managed, but didn't manage good, in other words.

Outside my house, it was a large, empty stone-grey area, with small walls at the edges. I realized I wasn't in my neighborhood.
I wanted to find a big city, like New York, with lots of people in it. I saw a small, grey stone house. As I went toward it I remembered to rub my hands, on the move. And to try spinning to change the scenery. The scenery didn't change, and I hadn't really believed it to either.

Instead I went towards the door on the little grey stone house. It was nearby, so I just walked there. The door had glass windows, so the opening-to-find-New-York didn't really work out. Instead I went into the little grey house. It was empty, with shattered glass set up against some of the walls. On the other side of the little room, two meters away, was I tiny-miny door, at little larger than an A5 paper. It was pinkish.

I remembered seeing the door before, and wondered what was actually behind it in my memory. I didn't recall, and was glad, since that meant I wouldn't except anything from before. I tried imagining New-York at the end of the door, and grabbed the tiny handle to open it.

I thought something like this; uuuh, that's a small door. How do I get trough there? But since this is a dream it should be quite possible..
I tried tucking a finger in, and my right foot.
And just before I entered the door, I remembered what was actually behind; a garden with four-colored grass (God knows where I had that from) and then I suddenly had gotten inside and found myself in a four-colored empty garden.



I don't remember going outside, but then I was outside again.. I thought of what kind off places there were people at.. A mall!
"Build mall!" I shouted in the air, deciding to try a new technique. "Mall! Build!" .. nothing happened, and I was still standing a the big grey lot.
I hopped of a fence and started flying, flapping my arms in belief that I was flying. And to my pleasant surprise I could see heading for the grey field in the distance, coming for my rescue. Coming to build my mall.

And before I even knew it, I was standing between shelves with magazines and food, and people passing buy. A guy my class passed by, and as I turned I could see my mother passing at the other side of a shelve, giving me "the glance.." oh, jeez!! It was a dream, I didn't have to care about it at all.. So why did I!? Stupid waggling lucidity!

Deciding to do something else, I looked around. To my left there was a shelve of magazines. Wanting to take a memory home to real life, I memorized a random title of a magazine with an anime boy with purple hair on the front page. The only letters on the front was "GANDI" in big, fat, white letters.
I thought it was odd, but decided to move on.

I grew tired of doing nothing in the mall, so I took flight and headed through the frontal glass wall on the large building. It was kind off hard for me to take of, as I hardly went more up than down between all the waving.

I flew away from the mall, watched it melt away in the distance, and played a little around in the air. It was not as demanding to do it once I was up in the air. Actually it was quite fun. It was lovely, great, feeling the air shift around you, swirling past as you fell and rose. It is totally recommended. At this time I started to wake up, but managed to tie the dream together again.

3: I was still flying, totally aware of my lucidity. There was coming ocean under me, it was a sea, or a river, and I wondered if I would suddenly fall and get stuck in there, but I discarded the idea as I knew I wouldn't fall, it was a dream.

I was planning to get to some specific people in my grade. I was headed one direction where I thought they might be on camp, but then I heard their voices a little to the east, and I headed there.



Then I woke up, and knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. I felt refreshed and content