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non-lucid - Notes - lucid

12-10-11 No real intentions, had quite an interesting day, but I was up early due to yesterday's perceptual dream so was fairly shattered.

“I know my hands can soothe your pain”

I am massaging Tenna, sat behind her, she is wearing black underwear and some trousers of beige and brown colour. We are placed on a wooden floor with pillows spread around the room, it is fairly bright in the room. I am focusing on areas that have been missed by the people doing her massage earlier. Which turns out to be somewhat painful for her.

In particular the right side of her neck is causing trouble and when I start working on this area she jolts and might even have reached out to grab me. but I continue slightly lending a hand in her back to support her. I somehow feel that I have to do it for her to get better. Though she is in pain she also likes having my hands on her body.

It turns into a sensual experience where I gently lie her down, though it is fairly annoying it is a hard wooden floor. I am trying to remove her trousers and she is helping a bit with this, but then we stop. She explains that she will go out and prep the room and make it a little more comfortable.

I wake up rather excited almost to the point where it becomes painful.
…............

“My snake and I”

I have bought a snake, a tree snake. I think to myself that it is a rather odd purchase considering I have a thing for venomous snakes. I am aware that it will have to actually chew on me in order to inject it's venom, but still it is loose in the apartment, having released it at some point.

It is a baby snake, very small and completely silver (unnaturally so) in colour. My flat is strange it is two fairly narrow rooms across each other on a hall way that is far longer than it needs to be. It seems dark in either of the rooms.

Looks a bit like this guy



Though emphasis on silver!

I regret having released the snake as it is making me on edge, so I spent a fair amount of time walking from one room to the other trying to figure out a safe method of catching this snake. I distinctly remember holding a large glass in one hand intending on luring it in there, though I am nervous about having my hand so close to the animal.

At one point the snake darts from one room to the other right next to me as I am standing in the hall way. I am not sure if it is because I have thrown some food in there or what it was. I remember it glinting with it's silvery colour.

Some way or another I end up catching this snake and I am carrying it on my body, not even sure if it is in a container or even if it is inside me.
….............

“Meeting in Cells”

I am sat in a room discussing the deployment of the cell group chat room. Mikkel J is there and he tells me that he want to help out, but seeing as he is not part of the group there is limited he can do so he is sort of left out, which he understands. There is someone else there that might be Floatinghead.
…............

“The guard got gunned down”

Two people are going to get kidnapped or have already been kidnapped and they are stuck in a cellar behind bars. There is an Italian guy, dressed in white, who is supposed to watch over them. They keep telling him that he and all of them are in danger, in fact they specifically warn him that he is going to die.

He does in fact die a couple of times throughout the dream and these scenarios sort of act as the visions the two girls are using to warn him with. The two people are a woman and a younger woman or girl.

The last time he gets killed you see 4 people in the room waiting behind the door and for the guy to walk downstairs to the cell. The cell in the cellar has a sort of a dungeon feel to it with rocky walls and there may even be a small stream running through the room. As the guard is walking down the stairs the four men attack and shoot him down with shotguns which results in blood spatter all over the place.
…............

“Handy legs”

Fragment of sitting in a sofa using my arms as an illusion for my legs towards someone, though I understand little of why.
….............

“Bridge to the new hood”

We are starting to use a new section of the city and it is connected by a rather large white marble bridge. At first though the bridge is very half circular, so much that it is too steep to get over it. However over the duration of the dream the bridge level off so it is possible to actually use it.

I get the feeling that the city is important, in particular the new section of it will come in handy.

The dream is longer but this is the only fragment that stands out to me.

I'm teaching a class at a University. The topic I'm assigned to teach is the relationship between hair and cults. ( In WL I have shaved my head for 20 years and I'm a Tantric Buddhist Pagan).

I have 8 students in my class, 4 men and 4 women. I start by telling everyone to let their hair down to full length. I find that the student with the longest hair is a guy with dreads.

Then I tell everyone that we will present a play in 3 sections. The first involves searching for healthy hair products, the second is using them and the third is having their hair done.

One of the women asks about the cult theme and I tell her that we could all wear uniforms and sing a cult song as we're doing the play. We all laugh.

My band has a couple of important gigs coming up and there are 9of us so maybe it's about that.

dream 1 - it was about my vampire comic Bit by Bit, but I dont recall anything. fragments of Amy, Bel/ Sel...

dream 2 - I was in a big bookstore. I saw new Muse album on the shelf. took one out, and there were several songs from Black Holes and Revelations. I was listening to a new song, dont remember the melody, but I heard Bellamy's first vocal sounds. near Muse album there were Muse and Evanescence Wii game(?) with fan art-_- jackets on them...

on the book shelf I saw Sonic Generation, and one big and 3 small BLAME! books. they were all Nihei's artbooks. book colors were orange and light green. the weird thing was that in the book there was Nihei's family portrait. one fine art I remember was this orange ski and some megastructures and linear jet-cloud thingy...(in the description, that jet-cloud was semen........wut. -__-) on the back of the cover, the price was $16.87. I really wanted to buy BLAME! artbook so badly but I didnt have money. I even thought of begging my parents. suddenly my brother appeared and said that we have to go somewhere.
"come on, sis! we have to watch Korea vs a country(dont rememebr which country) for World Cup, hurry!"
I wanted to keep reading BLAME! books so I said...
"I dont really care about World Cup... dude, that 2010 game sucked! I'm not interested in World Cup right now. I wont go"
"we have to count the goals and write down on the notebook! did you bring the notebook?"
he said with frowned face.
"the notebook? no"
"I said bring it before!!"
"I dont recall you saying that."
so I think he got away himself, frustrated.. I returned reading the book.

then a brothers-dad-family came behind me with a bluish-grey fur cat. the cat jumped on my lap, playing with my left hand with his paw. the cat was kinda young(I saw his cute little face^^) his paw had sharp nails; my hand hurt. then this boy who's the owner grabbed his paw, putting the nails in(?).. and he said, there you go. the cat again played with my hand and it didnt hurt. I gently stroke his head.

I think I was leaving the bookstore... my mom came in and she said something with this kind of line:
stop drawing cartoons already... so I thought, what the heck is the matter with me drawing cartoon? why is it a big deal?, whimpering.

scene jump

I was doing the Internet. I saw HHD's blog post 'Ghost Song has finally come to an end!' written. there was no reply so I replied to the post in English(it should have been in Korean..felt weird): Congrats! I'm really happy that you finished your comic ^^ how about publishing webcomic next time...?'. and when I clicked the reply button, there were already some 4-5 posts saying 'I'm first!!!' 'me first' idiots...

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I think I woke up and entered another dream. I was in my town, in the local square. I think I was looking for someone who I could borrow some money from to buy a game. For some reason I saw... Spongebob and asked him if I could borrow some money. He joked and said he had no money, them he tried to hide his wallet (which was full of money) from me. He them gave me 50 reais (Brazil's currency) and said something that I can't remember right now. I think that at this point the dream skipped. I was at my school talking to a friend of mine and he told me I was dead. We walked around the school and he was explaining things to me. Apparently this was some kind of school where dead people go to. He said there was no way that I could come back to life. I asked him if he was sure and said yes. I them asked if he had asked that to God (or something like that). He went to the bathroom and I was waiting to him, when some bully appeared and started annoying my friend. I was angry and tryed kicking him but the kick went pretty slow and basically had no effect. He laughed and went away. I tried firing a kamehameha at him from afar but missed by a few inches. I guess that scared him off tough. I told my friend that I managed to fire a kamehameha and he was impressed. I tryed firing a kamehameha from my mouth (I'ma firing my lazor style) but ran out of oxygen and failed.
Shortly after that I woke up and went to sleep again.
This time I was only a spectator. I was watching some kind of dog race. I remember that they were choosing a dog to chase the bunny or something like that. I also remember that this dog had to pick up some kind of diploma or something like that. That's about all I can remember from that night.
I forgot to hunt Blue because I wasn't very aware on that dream, but at least I completed one of my dream goals-firing a Kamehameha! My next dream goal is finding Blue.

Well I couldn't get to sleep at all. I went to bed fairly early, but tosses and turned for hours. It was 1:30 (2 and a half hours later) that I guess I fell asleep.
No dreams during that time, I woke up by my default body clock at 5 for my WBTB. I wasn't feeling up to it so I just lay in bed for that hour.

I then tosses and turned for another hour, I just couldn't get to sleep, I wasn't tired at all but I was feeling weak.
Eventually I did lie still and close my eyes, focus my breathing and slipped into a dream

******
I was in my back garden, on the sort of barbecue area we have set up. A few of my classmates were there with me, I think we were discussing some homework we had.
Then my mother handed me a big loaf of bread through the window of our house. When I got a hold of it I got lucid and immediately identified this. I moved around swiftly touching the table and stamping my feet, trying to ground myself. I saw a DC and touched their arm, and when I did they changed into someone I actually knew. I could feel vibrations throughout and my vision was quite clear, except I was in a total rush to try to stabilize, as my other "lucids" have been short and sharp, with no time to stabilize. This seems to have been my downfall as I just lost it a little while after.

******

I was on my side in bed, and I looked at my clock, I had been dreaming for 15 minutes, it seemed like a brief pause and then 15 seconds of dreaming. I lay still again, repeated, and I slipped into another dream.

******
This time I was in a super market, quite like my local one, except the stock on sale and the colours were wrong. I again tried to quickly stabilize by doing everything that came to mind. This included-
Running up to a DC and climbing up them to get up onto a shelf, then reaching up to the ceiling panels and removing one, then climbing up into it
I remember not knowing what to expect, and when I got up there I was looking at some people in a group circle, like rehab or an AA meeting. It looked as bland as the shop did. I then just lost it there

******

Sleep for an hour, then I had to get up for school.
I'm counting the first as a lucid WILD, but not the second, as the second one had less control and was only clinging onto the back end of the 1st one. I'm happy I managed it but not so happy that it happened not as I intended.

So guys I haven't been lucid in months..but i decided to do reality checks again and to make an effort be lucid in my dreams again 2 days ago..so just a couple mins ago i had a lucid dream..at first i wasn't lucid and i was stuck in some kind of story..i kinda forgot wat it was about but wen i found that i was dreaming by looking at the clock and it was changing..and my hands looked the same but felt weird i knew i was dreaming..once i knew i was dreaming i touched everything the wall everything..it all felt soo real and looked so real and cleare once i started focusing in on the dream while keeping my lucidity..i started thinking hmmm wat should i do now that im lucid? so i had an idea i thought about my boyfriend VJ and he suddenly appeared sitting in front of a computer in my house i run up to him and hug him and tell him this is a dream (he is also lucid in dreams at times) so then i go outside with him and start flying and i was trying to teach him how to fly but he somehow couldn't do it yet..so then he suddenly fades away as im flying flying and stepping on the roof of buildings etc..i suddenly think hmm it's a long time i haven'e seen nate AKA Waking Nomad since in real waking life i moved back to New Jersey from Hawaii..so then i thought where are you nate? and then i suddenly saw him with a group of people..I saw Nate smoking with a bong..so then I walked up to their group and called out "Nate!" he stood up and looked at me..i couldn't tell if he didn't recognize me or he didn't remember me..either way i somehow took a hat off and said it's me Jo Anna..he then remembered who i was and said this: "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here unless you're a 2.0 dreamer" I don't know wat that meant..but in the dream i asked "How do i become a 2.0 dreamer then?" Then a girl in the group said: "You have to read this book" She pointed to some kind of history book it looked to me..and kind of thick..Every time I would look at the words/numbers it would change..I asked "How am I going to read this book in a dream?" I got the sense I have to read that book in waking life..im not sure..but i don't remember the full title of the book..The girl in the group was writing the title down for me on a piece of paper..I couldn't understand some of her writing since it was sloppy..i can't believe someone had more bad penmanship than me i didn't think it was possible..but anyways since i couldn't quite see clearlr of her writing i teleported myself somekind of pen a blu pen..i looked at the space on the table next to me..looked away imagining there's a pen there..and sure enough i got wat i wanted just by imagining it's there wen it wasn't there in the beginning..i got the pen and started writing the title on the piece of paper next to where the girl was writing the title as well..she gave me a grin wen i got myself a pen for some reason..lol..but anyways i was trying to copy the title of the book but every time i accidentally look away some of the letters would change..all I remember is one word to the title started with an "S" and there were a lot of U's H's and T's in the word that started with an "S"..I just don't remember the title..I hope WakingNomad or whoever reads this to help me decipher what he meant by 2.0 dreamer and wat kind of book..lol

I am Ice skationg without any skates, I immedietely stop and realize that its a dream. I pinch myself and fly through the roof, I decided to make a future list of the events in my dream.
Step 1.) Fly
Step 2.) Do Drugs
Step 3.) Snowboard
So I am flying around and having an awesome time, so I decide to move on to step 2, I fly to a valley to search for psychadelic mushrooms. I am weaving through a creek searching diligently But my mind cannot remember any more ....

I had a dream earlier that night about a long journey up a mountain, So We arrive late at a old house. I am not sure where it is or why we are there but my parents tell me to wait for them to return, I wait for a day and decide to go after them. I am trotting up the mountain finding full cancer sticks and smokin em. I eventually giveup and wait near a creek. They never came back...

1st: (Fragment) I was walking down a street with a friend of mine. For some reason he carried some bags and the street was pretty crowded. I look around and see that there are many shops around me. (Fragment ends)

2nd: I was inside some kind of bar/restaurant. It was pretty small but for some reason I liked it. I was with 2 people, a red haired girl who was a bit smaller than me and another guy who had black hair. We were sitting on chairs and suddenly I noticed 3 guys next to us. They looked strong and I guess they were typical bullies. Suddenly one of them insulted the girl. I got mad and said something that really boosted my self-confidence when I woke up. He said something like "Freaking ginger" to her and I answered like this "Hey you! Are you insulting others again to feel stronger? Maybe you just want to distract from yourself. You look pretty fucked up and to be honest I bet that your mom still does everything for you!" He then got angry and I said "Haha are you going to beat me up just because you are too stupid to fight with words? Pathetic..."
For some reason I knew that this would end in a fight. We walked out of the restaurant and downstairs. On the way the guy locked the girl up in a locker and I told my friend to help her get out while I take care of them. Me and the jerk were standing in a hallway now and I got into a funny fighting position. It was like I could do Kung-Fu. He tried to attack me and I could punch him 2 times in his stomach. He got angry and grabbed me to do a Bear-Hug. I punched rapidly at his head and he let me down. We ran outside to continue. It was a real hard fight. My fists seemed to do almost no damage. He grabbed me again and I kicked him. Then suddenly the other 2 guys came and the dream got weird. For some reason I had Fireworks in my pants and that really hurt ^^
The girl and the boy came back and I ordered them to help me. The boy suddenly looked like myself (:O) and ran towards me. At this point I almost got lucid but then my mom woke me up...

After getting woken up by my daughter at around 4 am I get back to bed and go straight into a false awakening:

Flying through a circus

My wife gets out of bed and decides that she can't sleep and gets dressed (it's only about 5am) I pull myself out of bed and head towards the bathroom - on my way to the bathroom I decide to do a reality check - I read the spine of a book in the bookcase, I look away and read again - it looks the same writing but in closer inspection the writing doesn't seem to make any sense - yay - I'm dreaming!!

Katsuno - must find him! I go to run downstairs but remember that there is something I wanted to check - so I go back upstairs and look at a space on the wall where I noticed strange writing there in a dream before - nothing there now! The scenery start to turn darker - it's fading quick - I need to get out before I wake. I run out of the front door but now I can't see anything - 'CLARITY NOW' I shout aggressively - and suddenly in crystal clear HD the scene appears in front of me. Some kind of a beautiful lake with a town around it with strong overtones of blue. I need to search for Katsuno though - so I take off - fly into the air as easily as superman and try to pick up speed going faster and faster while shouting Katsuno! I fly through what looks like a farground/circus scene and get caught up in a part of a circus tent but manage to burst through it. I keep on flying and finally reach what looks like a shopping district, I see a shop called 'Gellete' like the mans shaving foam - apart from the fact that it's called 'Gusette' and I start to get confused and think I'm looking for Gus from the tv series Psych. The dream then starts to go into a regular dream, I have a dream fragment of somekind of sergeant in a large circular room telling me off, and saying that I should have tracked down the person I was looking for!

I wake up briefly but stay still - I want to try again!

Where IS he Dammit!

This dream is the hardest to recall, I am still looking for Katsuno, for some reason I have found somekind of sniveling low life who knows where you are, he looks to be arab, he has coffee coloured skin and a large nose. I am running with him on a dirt path, there are old boxes and tropical dry leaves on either side of us. I am also with another one or two people. The man manages to escape at one point so I decide to chase after him - there are men back there that start fighting me - and for the first time in a lucid dream I start to fight back - I start to learn how to dream fight! yay! I beat 2 or 3 men but then one guy comes at me with a sword and cut my hand - it hurts, but then I remind myself that it is only a dream, but still this is out of my league - so I grab the guy and fly upwards dragging him behind me. I can't remember anything after this

I wake up again but remain still - I need to find Katsuno! I go back under...

The skeleton key

I am in what looks like either a music department of a school or a hotel foyer, I approach a group of guys who look like they are in a band - they are all playing instruments, I know Nomad should be with them but I can't see his face - so I ask the guys where Nomad is (apparently he plays with them in a band - guitar or bass I think) they laugh and say that he probably is in the other room asleep, and then say that what he does is pretty useless in the band - something about a piece of paper with jam on it, and then they all start laughing again. I look around and see some solid locked wooden doors - I suddenly remember about the skeleton key in my pocket (given to me in a previous dream by an old woman who said that it can get me anywhere) and laugh to myself - too late to change into glass now! I say 'Katsuno' out load. I briefly worry for a second that the key won t work - but shove it in the hole and turn it - it open the door to reveal a dividing room, and I am happy that it has worked - I work through the second door trying to fully expect to see Katsuno - but just end up seeing another guy walk past - I then wake up

Conclusion - maybe I'm not synced enough with Katsuno yet?

I was reading a wrestling comic of sorts on the computer or a book. My friends started saying that it was gay and childish.

October 11, 2011

regular lucid
WBTB that collapsed and was reentered as an accidental, unintentional WILD

I slept from 4pm till 7 pm. Got up, watched the TV, had dinner, glass of wine, read the DV - AL3ZAY's "My WBTB Lucid Dreaming Techniques & Tip For Re-Entering A Collapsed Lucid Dream" tutorial, forgott to RC all day). Went back to bed at 10.40pm, feeling sleepy.

Woke up at 11.35pm after 2 LDs - second was reentered, after first one collapsed, thanks to AL3ZAY's WBTB tutorial on reentering collapsed dream).

Regular dream: Coming to a friends house. Lots of people inside, some kind of celebration. Walking through many rooms, getting a bad feeling. Trying to leave, somebody is trying to stop me. Finding a window and floating out. (Since started reading DV, I fly very easily just floating, before had to put some effort to it).

Suddenly at my house. Hopped on a fence, realized I'm lucid. (First time that became lucid without looking at my hand). Started spinning to stabilize, but remembered, that in AL3ZAY's tutorial he spins to the left, so I changed direction and spun to the left. Licked the wall and ate a piece of a plant (didn't taste anything). Did RC finger through palm (my very first finger/palm RC. It really felt like my palm was from play-doh, strange feeling). Someone walked by my room and the footsteps woke me up. Dream mustn't have been stable enough, because also had not much clarity. Again, from the tutorial, I remembered how to reenter the dream. Stayed motionless with eyes closed. Started to have the strangest feeling of sinking into my bed really deep and keep sinking. I realized, somebody is screaming and woke up a little bit, when I recognized, that it was me screaming (silently), accompanied with a shrinking feeling). I let go of it and continued sinking into my bed. It was, as if my bed was 10 feet deep. Woke up on a sidewalk of a very busy town. I was excited and said Hi to a little girl, that was part of a larger group of people. She looked at me as if saying - get over it, you are not the first, and I'm getting tired of you guys getting so excited and talking to me. Behind me was a large area, looked like park/parking lot with a fountain, on left side was a big shopping center, in front of me was a row of tall buildings, and on the right side was a cathedral. All buildings were touching each other and looking crammed. I decided to walk towards the shopping center, but my idea was more to walk away from the cathedral. Then some nun bumped into me and I felt a pinch on my shoulder. People stopped and I was asking them what did she do. Then I was in different part of the town, less people, nighttime. I looked up and saw the moon. Decided to go there. Started lifting up. There were thousands of space ships, shuttles, satellites and stars were beautiful and there was so many of them. I started to cry from seing such a beauty. Then I woke up.

Regular dream: I'm in the dorm of my school. It's end of the school year and we are packing to go home for the summer break. Finding all kind's of different things. I asked my friends, if they don't want to come back and finish packing the next day, that I'll bring my car and it will be easier to move.

[COLOR="red"]Lucid[/COLOR]
[COLOR="blue"]Dream[/COLOR]
[COLOR="silver"]Thoughts[/COLOR]
[COLOR="lightblue"]Hypnagogic[/COLOR]

[COLOR="silver"]This morning I found the perfect timer setup, maybe if I shorten the length of the alarm it will work even better, but I will stick with this setting for now, because this morning I got a lucid dream! So I will try the same setup tomorrow and see if it works.

I woke up from my alarm, I actually moved a little because I got chocked by the alarm. I got aware of my awakening and closed my eyes. I think I lost consciousnes for a brief moment, but I regained it in a thought![/COLOR]
[COLOR="lightblue"]I saw my old school and some friends I haven't met for a long time. I knew that this was just me thinking, but the thought was controling itself, like a dream. But it wasn't vivid, so I thought that if I just continue with focusing on the environment I kind of saw, it will hopefully transition to a dream if I am in REM.
[/COLOR]
[CENTER][ATTACH=CONFIG]2553[/ATTACH][/CENTER]
[COLOR="red"]Suddenly I realise that the environment is real and I can really feel the wind and see the people I were talking to. I am now perfectly aware of that I am dreaming, I remember that I talked to one of the girls and I was still lucid! I thought "Ok I know this is a dream, now i want to fly, because this feels so real it might be hard, but I try." I took pace and ran and I could fly! Then... A girl teasing me sexually and I know that if I have sex I will lose my lucidity or at least it will be less vivid. I tried to resist, but I couldn't, so I had sex. But I actually didn't lost awareness. But the dream ended shortly after this, because.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="silver"]I woke up from the next alarm on the timer, this lucid dream was exactly 3 minutes and a motivating lucid dream, because now I know the perfect timer setup. I will see tomorrow![/COLOR]

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So last Thursday, my girlfriend dumped me for my best friend. Needless to say I beat him shitless and we're friends again, but she's out of my life.
Anyway, I had another dream about her, as always, even though I'd though I'd lost feelings for her.. but I was dreaming we were together again, not kissing like usual, but just happy to be together. We made passionate love on a rock afterwards, and I thought it was magical. This was non-lucid.
But I woke up and felt nothing for her. What's going on?

Somehow I know that I'm going to be bitten by these two vampire boys, so I tell them that I know where fresh blood is. We walk outside and after a few moments I'm up in the air flying next to the vamps. I spot a lake, so I swoop down, thinking I might try walking on water like I read about in someone else's DJ. The vamps are nowhere to be found, but there abunch of old ladies in bathing suits reading books on the beach and lots of little kids in the water, playing in a clump about 10 feet away. I step onto the water in the shallow end, and fall right through. I try again, SAME ending. Frustrated, but after calming down I step on the water, visualizing it as a moving marble floor, and it works!* I stand there, amazed! This little boy who's swimming in the lake stops, looks at me, and put his hands out and pushs himself up to stand beside me. (copy cat...) I kinda freak out, but not as much as those birdy old ladies! They're grabbing each other and jumping up & down with amazement/fear. I figure this is a good time to get out of here, so I jump into the air, hover for a minute, and off I soar! After I leave the shrieking behind, I fly back toward the mountain** I follow the road, gliding above the cars and dodging trees, until I wake up a bit later.
*I wasn't lucid except when I flew and later when I walked on water, and I didn't really have control over the storyline.

**I was in a valley, which the lake was the centerpiece of.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I've decided to start an online dream journal... just felt like sharing my DJ with other people. I've been thinking about doing it for a while now and this dream made me want to do it, for some reason. It may have been short but it was quite interesting.
The dream started on a large, white place. It was completely empty except for some people and some platforms. Apparently some of the people had been frozen. A girl told me that someone named Blue (at least that's what I think the name is, I'm not very sure) did this. I promised to her that I would hunt him down. The dream ended shortly after that.
The dream wasn't very vivid and was pretty short. It's the only dream I remember because when I woke up I was too lazy to write the other dreams down so I focused on remembering only one dream. I choose to focus on this one because I was quite interested by it... I hope I have another lucid dream soon so I can find more about this Blue guy. Finding him is going to be my new goal!