Recent DJ Posts

Sep 6 2018

Not enough sleep. Have been having to work late.

First dream segment. There's a guy with a giant (2x2 or 3x3 inch) black square earring. The place is like a video gaming convention, and it's sort of simultaneously indoors and outdoors. I'm maybe drunk or something, I remember talking to a lot of DCs. At one point, I lean over the edge of a display to the concealed camera section (used to record the event or maybe for use with some kind of Kinect-like game) and I say something like "you can't stay here/keep playing forever". I think at some point, coworker A shows up and accompanies me and my group of DCs.

In the next segment, we're on the road with my mom. She's driving us somewhere, an old vacation home maybe, telling embarassing stories. Coworker A is in the backseat driver side, I'm passenger side. There are other DCs shotgun and middle backseet. We talk about various things, such as A being a bartender at a restaurant I used to work at. The subject moves to "romance" novels written by women. Eventually my mom puts an audiobook on or maybe reads aloud a passage, and everyone critiques it harshly, but halfway through I realize due to some turns of phrase and nicknames used that she must have written it. I feel guilt but don't say anything. We pass a couple of very shallow interstate exits (an interesting feature that's kind of hard to describe, but I know it when I see it -- possible dreamsign). Eventually we arrive at our destination.

I'm now in a house, it's an old vacation home I used to visit, but not with my mom. I think in the dream, the other DCs were my "real" brothers, and somehow my mom was a step or non-biological mother; the general feeling was that I had some long-forgotten history that I was reviving. After walking around the house for a bit and looking at different things, I came across some large scrolls! They were proably 2 feet long (including handles and such) and reminded me of a Torah scroll, but less formal looking. When I unrolled one, I could see that the letters were a mix of Chinese symbols (although I interpreted them as Japanes kanji and understood them) with smaller Hebrew and latin characters mixed in and surrounding them. The text was distinctly red. Everything in the scrolls made complete sense to me, and I talked them over excitedly with my brothers for a long time. This was what was meant for my life. My mom was in the kitchen or somewhere else; I could tell that she was happy for me, but at the same time sad that I was so excited about a life besides the one she had given me. Coworker A is in the house but not near and my brothers, off in the kitchen maybe.

Dream
I remember being in a house, it was night time and snowing outside. There was a lot that happened earlier in the dream but I've forgotten. The context is that now I'm experiencing a prologue story for the npc's, a backstory I guess.
There was a newly born babe and his mother had passed away.. His older brother wanted him to stop crying so he strangled the baby, I couldn't intervene since it was a memory but it was really sad :/. I then watched the years flick by, the dad was a werewolf and was almost never around, leaving the two brothers alone in the house. Whenever the younger brother cried he would get strangled, he soon learned not to cry. They're a bit older now, maybe the youngest is 5. It's night time and snowing still, I see a scene where there's a werewolf flailing its arms at someone.. The person stumbles through a doorway out of sight. I think it was the dad attacking the older brother. Then I see the 3 of them, dad and two sons side by side. Except the brothers are vampire dogs. The dogs had pitch black fur with a brown underbelly and bright red eyes. I'm in the house for real this time, they hound after me and run me up the stairs. I slam a door shut but it's only closed long enough for me to clamber out of an open window onto the roof. It's completely covered in snow, I see trees around the house in the dark of the night, evergreens. There's a light at the base of the stairs leading down from the roof, but one of the vampires is going to come from that way.. I just remember its eyes, so red and evil. They glowed and seemed to not really 'see' you, like they weren't in control.

My brother's killed and drained a number of people in some public building in the desert, a rest stop or similar, but he has no memory of doing so. In fact when he saw the bodies he assumed they were my work - which would normally be a reasonable assumption, but since it's not true in this case, and since it seems there's something wrong with him, we've been having a very frustrating conversation. We left in a hurry and now he's assuring me that there's no need for me to make excuses, he's always understood that occasional lapses in self-control are an unavoidable part of my nature, none of them blame me for it. Thanks for that note, but that's really not the issue here.

Meanwhile, back in that building in the desert, my brother's leftovers have woken up and managed to find their way outside. They're huddled together, not really aware of their surroundings, barely able to move - more like zombies really. Torn clothes, bloodstains, visibly dead. There was a woman just outside the building when they found their way out the door, and the one in front managed to grab her and drink her despite her struggles, and once he's had his fill he passes her back over his head, one-handed, to the next.

He walks into the desert, away from the little horde, looking slightly more aware now, and he walks straight up to the mangled body of another vampire lying in the dirt, trying to pull himself together and looking rather pitiful. This one actually is my work. Leftover asks mangled body what he (leftover) is. Mangled body informs him he's a vampire.

The leftover says, "I'm a what? Oh, fuck." Utter disgust at the ridiculousness of this. Disembodied, I'm thinking how much I love the modern reaction.

Here I go. =/ Maybe I should have prefaced this with something: This is one of the most awful nightmares I have ever had. The first part seemed normal, and then my subconscious decided to twist it into something disgusting. I'm almost impressed. -.-

We are in a long wide dining hall, the walls and floor are worn wood. There are long tables with plank seating. I'm wearing a billowy

white blouse with khaki riding pants and knee high boots. I am a young women with chin-length dark brown hair. I sit down next to a young man who has short medium brown hair. His features are perfectly shaped, high wide cheek bones, a constantly smiling mouth. I am seventeen, he is eighteen. I am in love with him and sometimes I am certain he knows it, as my best friend he knows me well enough to understand. Sometimes I think that he loves me too but he has always been so careful. A friend of ours named Robert has recently returned home from a long trip comes to sit with us. I don't remember where he went but it had been years since we had last seen him. Adam, the friend I am in love with, gets up to follow Robert. Watching them leave makes me feel a little sad.

"Hey, Deidre, come and look at this." Adam calls. I go to him, smiling. This part is pretty strange. He shows me a man that isn't who he

claims. Adam narrates that it is a golem controlled by magic and enchanted to look like someone we know. Somehow we see straight through it and so we see black eyes set in a bald clay-gray head, slope shouldered, wearing a faded quilted black tunic. As soon as it walks up to us we greet it like it really is the ambassador. It responds with a proper greeting, but follows that with an unintelligible scramble of words.

"See?" Adam says, we all share a secret smile as the golem walks stiffly through the crowd. It was sort of like we were on

stage and that whole scene was an aside to the audience, we ignore It and follow Robert out of the hall like we encountered nothing out of the ordinary.

There is a garden courtyard between wings of the house. It is night and a single wrought iron lamp post stands in the middle over bench on a dais. I find Adam sitting on the bench. He is obviously upset but he won't tell me why. I remind him that we used to play here as children and he nods absently, pretending he is fine.

"Hey, Addy." I say in a consoling tone, "Whatever it is, you can tell me." I drop to my knees next to the bench and slide my arms around his waist, resting my cheek on his thigh.

Here I come back to myself a little and I am no longer Deidre. Holding him is peaceful and familiar. It reminds me of Liam and for a time I put aside the character of Deidre and close my eyes to savor the moment, smiling in contentment. He's wearing a faded black button up and black pants, I notice out of the corner of my eye. I can feel Adam becoming more upset and my understanding of his character overlaps with my interpretation of him as Liam. Adam cannot reciprocate Deidre's feelings for him because he is in love with Robert, and at the same time I can feel Liam as he is trapped in the form of Adam, wanting so badly to reach me but locked in the confines of the dream, so that it is not possible. I want to tell him that it is alright, that I know about Robert, I want to tell him that I know he is not Liam, but that doesn't matter because for now he feels like him.

Adam hesitantly strokes my hair and my dual-nature snaps apart so that I am once again Deidre. I know he is trying to force himself to

feel something for me other than friendship. I sit up and give him a brief hug, I realize then that he's fantastically drunk. I help him stand and we stumble to the far side of the courtyard, by the time we reach the heavy stone threshold he is crying freely. We fall down in a tangle of limbs and he sobs pathetically that I should not help him at all. He ignores my protests to the contrary, telling me that he is in love with someone else.

"Is that someone else Robert?" I ask. That stuns him into silence. It makes me sad that he'll never fall in love with me, but I know he can't help it.

....and then the dream takes an ugly turn.

The dining hall is inside and outside at once, so that the far end has no wall and lacks a ceiling. At the enclosed end in the corner is an

ivory colored couch. We have a female friend over, she's sitting on the back of the couch and I am kneeling on the cushions with the front of my body pressed to the back of the piece. I have something gross on my hands that I get all over the top of the couch, and when I get up I realize I have left a large water stain where my body had previously leaned. A courier arrives with news from our father. ((because, you know, we're siblings, and in case you weren't paying attention that means I'm in love with my brother, who is in love with our older brother...eeeeeee)) It is a letter for us and a small wooden crate filled with nesting fiber. There is a necklace in the envelope, it has two overlapping pendants, a crescent moon and a dagger. Robert hands the necklace to me and I put it on, when I lean over the back of the couch the dagger pricks my chest and I rub at the wound absently.

The courier is not a physical person anymore. Robert is standing nearby reading aloud a letter we have received. The letter explains

what happened to our father, how he went mad then raped and murdered a woman, he says something about the contents of the crate being cursed, and that it will spread to all our family. As he is saying this, I'm holding the necklace away from my skin, looking horrified. Adam though does not believe it. He is to enthralled by the crate to pay attention and neither of us are watching him. He thrusts his hand down into the crate and comes up with a handful of sand and a tiny stone artifact. The effect is immediate. The sclera of his eyes goes black, the irises turn orange/red, like flame. Black growths force their way out his skin along his cheekbones. He holds the artifact up over his head and a mad grin splits his face grotesquely.

"Adam?" I slide off the couch and begin to back away from him. He is too distracted by this new development that he doesn't notice me.

Yet. He stalks around the room, Robert seizes his arm to stop him and becomes cursed just as quickly. I know what they will do to me because of what is in the letter. Never mind that Adam is gay and a day before would not have touched me. It no longer matters because his mind is gone and his body under the control of the rage. I run for the door in the corner that leads out to the deck stairs. He gives my shoulders a shove and I stumble. I feel his fingers slip under a gap in the back of the waist of my pants, he tugs lightly. Almost tentatively. I scramble away but he is still hovering over me.

Spoiler for One of the rape parts, if you would rather skip it.:

Now I have a choice, I have a split second of lucidity and I think "It won't be rape anymore if I stop fighting. I know he isn't Adam anymore, but this is the closest I'll ever be to him, and so what if he beats me to death after? Then I won't care anymore."
I pretend that his hands on my waist don't make me feel sick, the greedy skittering of his fingers on my hips when I unbuckle my belt.
At first it isn't so bad. I don't feel anything one way or another, I just ignore his animal-like grunting and uncomfortable stab as he moves. After a few minutes he becomes wildly violent and I decide I made a mistake, that I really can't endure this, I fight my way to the wall. There is a button there on a touch screen that I can push to stop the simulation. So I do.

I get a do-over. I see Adam pull the figurine from the crate, and his transformation. I immediately dart for the door and make it halfway down the steps before he tackles me straight to the ground. I scream and struggle out from under him, fighting around to the front of the house.
Then there's something about the golem trying to attack us, and me and the others trying to throw flashlights at it, but the things are too heavy and not good for throwing at people. (O.o) The yard we are on is clearly the front yard from the house in MA. Except the grass has a blue tint and the sky looks more like a ceiling painted blue.

Spoiler for Second rape part.:

There's a break. I am out on the yard and the end of it morphs into a wall where there's almost an enclosed pool (I don't know, my dream layouts are weird). The curb is more like the edge to a public pool. We are waiting for help, someone has called the police and fire department. There are people sleeping everywhere, mostly men. They were all naked, and when the curse takes effect they are suddenly all uh...erect. They feel like time bombs to me. That if I wake them they will all be on me and then I will have no hope of surviving. I might get raped, but I am going to live damn it. A chubby young man begins to catch the curse and changes. At first he looks confused and distracted...then he notices me. I make a run for it and he chases me, I vault over the wall at the end of the yard and try to flee to the corner of the pool where the stairs are, but he leaps down with surprising agility and slams me into the wall. My head feels like it is going to split open and and I become disoriented. He flips me over, hands clumsily fumble with my nightgown. He's too heavy to knock off of me. My best bet is to wait until he's...distracted.

I try not to focus on what he's doing, and I try not to laugh at him, because even in the thrall of the curse he is inexperienced and can't

even effectively rape me. His movements are inconsistent, but the slack jawed expression he wears disturbs me. When he shifts his weight for a better angle, briefly freeing my arms, I reach up and slam my palms against his ears. He cries out and falls backward. I stand up and knee him in the face as hard as I can. I can hear people moving around on the other side of the wall, but they are talking so I am certain that they are not cursed men made monsters. I mount the wall and see female police officers everywhere. They are cataloging evidence. The worst part is there are children laying down at the edge of the pool. Some of the more unfortunate ones have lived through the experience. One blond-haired little girl with blood-shot eyes stares at me, too injured to move. The children laying on each side of her are either dead or asleep. Olivia Dunham talks about the signs of assault and rape, pointing to various pieces of evidence before pulling a sheet over piles of battered bodies.

There's a lapse, it is some time in the far future. Because I was one of the first cursed and I am a woman I have lived ages longer than I should have. I'm in a sanctum of sorts, there are priestesses who serve the Cold, they are called Whisper Mothers and Sisters. Their garb is almost like a nuns, except the wimple is shaped differently and their robes are in layers, slashed black over robes with white underneath.
They were responsible for subduing the entity before my father unwittingly unleashed it so many generations ago. It went curiously quiet after the event at the pool, laying in wait for the proper time. Now it has begun again. I hesitate then get the Whisper Mother's attention.

"Mother..."

She continues to pace.

"Mother?"

Distractedly she stops, clutching an elaborate cross that hangs around her neck. It is silver and has a ruby at its center. "Yes, sister?"

"What caused the Emergence?" I ask.
"I don't have time for questions, Lady." She responds.
"Is it true the madness began with a stone artifact?" I ask.

Then she truly looks at me. The servants of the Cold value truth and clarity above all things. They may seem harsh, but they are a product of the world in which they were raised. Her eyes sharpen and she purses her lips in worry.

"Yes. A stone artifact fed by the fire of shame."
"Please, I am only curious if there is a way to stop It from happening again?" I ask.

She paces the width of the sanctum. There is a heavy weathered wood railing and something like a decorative bulkhead bisecting the end of the room. "Truth may be enough to stop it, and the blood of the repentant. So, tell me." Her eyes flick to me, cold with recognition and accusation. "Are you repentant for laying with your brother Adam?"

"I never lay with Adam." I say, dropping my eyes. I suppose that allowing him to rape me counts.
She narrows her eyes at me. "You are a liar, Deidre."
"Yes." I agree, feeling the weight of my shame. "Yes."
"Still, there is something we can accomplish, the others are on their way here."

My view pulls out a little, viewing the scene from overhead. From here I can see the walkway outside, and the great circular stained glass gate where a Whisper Sister waits and an assassin in black and red leather armor is stealthed by the entry way. No one will get by, the Servants of the Cold must be protected.

I see a distortion in the air, a heat wave. A spark and a cruel laughing mouth inside a cooling lava face, horns curling back over its

head. Its flame tongue licks the air. Silent in its passing it steals in through the door, scorches on the wood mark its path across the floor, it slips in like a ghost and alights a touch upon her brow, and when the creature passes she has turned to ashes on the ground. Screams from inside filter out to where I stand, all within have died before they could lift a hand. I can hear the Whisper Mother inside, screaming wild negations and questions, "Why this, why now after all this time?", It has saved her for last.
The sister outside shrieks in a desperate forlorn way when she realizes that all the women inside are dead, the assassin at the door wrestles her away and they flee together.

And so I get a sense of the Flame. A vast, calculating mind that cares for nothing at all, its singular dream is to burn the world to

cinders and scatter the ashes in the wind. It wants only to consume, take, until everything is gone. And it will. It will.

False Awakening: I rise to another layer of sleep and think that I am awake. After all, my boyfriend is playing Skyrim on his computer just like when I fell asleep. He notices I am awake and comes to kneel on the bed. He kisses me but the idea of doing anything like that after a dream about rape is not at all appealing. I tell him to stop and I mention the rape dream, but he keeps touching me anyway not realizing that it is uncomfortable and unpleasant.

Then I really wake up. Thank God.

Fragment 1: Creepy
I'm on the edge of sleep. I feel heavy and the room feels off like there's someone in it with me.
"I hope she isn't here again." I think. So of course when I drift off I see a picture of a girl with chin length dark hair. At the time I didn't think she looked familiar, but she looks a little like Sailor Saturn. ((Completely freakin' random, but whatever. It's less random than strangling a bear and harvesting happy clams from it..)) She's standing in some version of my room, she's got a long-handle mace, it looks like bone and there's an evil grinning face painted on it with blood.
NOPE I think and force myself awake, but begin to drift immediately. When I fall back asleep she isn't there.

Sharks
I'm an eleven year old boy with pale skin and dark hair. I'm in the water with my older brother, he's only a couple of years my senior. We're clinging to some sort of wreckage. The water feels enclosed like a lake, but is behaving like the ocean. I get the feeling it's supposed to be part of a resort but all I ever see is the water. We never intended to be out this far. Something has happened that forced us into the middle of the lake. We look around for other people, over by the side of a boat there's another boy, that one is younger. Seven maybe. I grab at my brother's shoulder as I try to catch my breath.
"Do you see that kid over there?"
"Yeah--"
"We have to help him!"
We see movement in the water and see a dull nose bump the body, searching. It's a shark. It's...nibbling, searching, until it finds one of the boy's feet.
"Adam." I say, my brother just watches, horrified. "ADAM."
"Why are there SHARKS here? Why would they do that?"
I shake my head in frustration and I let go of the wreckage and swim furiously toward the little boy and the shark. Somehow my movement startles the shark and he lets go. I get a hold on him and kick to the surface. Someone leans out of the boat and gestures to me.
"Hand him up!"

There's a lapse and I'm treading water where I rescued the boy. I'd been unconscious. My head hurts. I feel something bump against the small of my back, then my shoulder.
no, no, no I think, trying to right myself so I can figure out what's going on. Teeth start to close around my hand and I jerk my hand free. If I keep moving it won't be able to grab me. A wave smacks me hard, rolling me under the water. I get a terrifying visual of the shark's head and jagged teeth through the hazy water.
Then Adam is there and pulling me to the surface. An old man leans out of the boat and drags me onto the deck before giving Adam a hand. I lay there and quiver violently. There are patches of skin missing where the shark had nibbled at me, and the flesh on my hand is a mess but to my immense relief I can still move my fingers and it doesn't even hurt too much.
"You're lucky, that other boy lost his foot." Adam says.
The old man grimaces and hobbles away. I see that all that remains of his feet are the heel and he's put metal caps over the bones so he can walk. Other people have similar injuries. One woman is missing her whole left arm.

Fragment 2
In a narrow kitchen. Everything looks like a dim yellow. A short, hunch-shoulder Mexican man, hands in his hoodie pockets. At first he looks normal, he casts a frightened look over his shoulder. I approach him. When I get a little closer he drops his head and grins a little. The expression is really unsettling.
I'm tired of being creeped out, I swat his shoulder.
"STOP THAT."
He looks startled, then afraid.
"Sorry." but he can't help it. He does it again and I force myself awake, roll over.

Fragment 3:
Sitting in a booth in a diner. There's someone across from me but I can't remember his face. It was like we were on a date.

I couldn't remember the beginning, probably only three small pieces of the dreams. I'd like to start with the demon I saw in a room where I currently live.

It was my room. I was laid back on the ground floor and night and just laid there staring at the window. The binds on the window weren't closed all the way. I had to get up and check because I sensed something evil outside. I also heard some voices coming from across the street. I was scared.

The feeling of fear inside me rose up as soon as I saw the window binds open up a lot more. But before that happened, I already felt an evil presence in the room. I closed my eyes and begin to feel it getting closer. Suddenly, I hear this loud noise coming in front of me. I couldn't open my eyes to see what it was, I was too scared to. Instead, I put my face towards this scream and started waving my hands all over it until it stopped. The harder I tried, the more force it used against me.


That was the first part. Here is the second.

I'm at a party full of drunken Jehovah's Witnesses and family members. The room was full of them! I walked around and talked to some of them I used to talk to in person. I just stared at them while they were resting upon one another. It was sort of weird because I knew this was not how they looked like in person! Anyways, later I saw an aunt there too and she was drunk as well.

Here is the third part. This dream contains sexual content that is not suitable for young ages! Look away kids!

Okay, so here's how it started out. I'm inside a mall, there was no one there but my accomplice at the time. I was in the middle of it and was preparing to ready myself for an exciting night, or mid-day. There was this woman(I don't remember her name), and she looked like she was getting ready too. Sooner or later, we already starting having sex. I remember we've only done one position. She got on my penis and tried jumping on it. She was having trouble, so I grabbed on to her and done it myself. Unlike all my other sex dreams, I felt a ticklish feeling this time. I liked it. But there was something strange too. As she was doing my penis, I was also making out with her butt cheeks. Then I woke up. Please don't think of me like that! I need something fun in my life right now too.

And while I'm here, I also had a sex dream about someone famous yesterday too.

Her name was Taylor Swift. We didn't making out a lot and I don't remember doing much with her really, all she let me do was feel her whole naked body. I felt mostly her rear end. It didn't feel too bad. When I was rubbing it around the it and stuff, it kind of felt a little sticky but smooth. Then I woke up.

[Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012]
(Recall is poor, but I DID dream quite a bit.)

I'm at a gigantic park and home complex- I get in an arguement with
Brent and my Mom just happens to agree with him. My Mum chimes in and follows me about telling me I'm wrong. I
keep saying, "PLEASE Mom, just LISTEN to me." Her face starts become troll-like as she begins to argue like a child.
I become extremely upset. [I don't remember much else.]

I remember having a False Awakening, but I wasn't lucid for it. I only realized what it was when I woke up.

I can scroll around a map Homestuck-style. My friend tells me to look at this certain area, so I look and there's this little imp thing with its head cut off, waving its arms around. I proceed to look at every area with a door, and there's one in every room with a door.

There's this group of people that I'm included in, and we're trying to break some sort of building. There's this guy in techy armor, and he cuts an oval into his shirt, placing a portal in it so he can carry the portal on his chest.
"Hey, I kinda look like a human-controlled construct."
We portal in and start marketing this new candy and cookies to the leader of the building.

There are two brothers. Their father was killed or committed suicide, I don't know which. It just showed an image of him in the background, dead and bloody, sitting against a wall while in the foreground his son is playing with the butler happily.
They were on a roof, and had to escape from something. They kept catching each other when they were about to fall. One time, the older brother falls and the younger brother goes to catch him. He's not going to make it. He lets go of the rail he was holding on to, falling to catch his brother. He'll be able to save him, right?
No, wait, they're just freefalling. They talk, tell each other they love the other, and then suddenly I'm back in the previous dream (this is where the candy ads come in)

I dreamed that my two brothers, my father, myself (at a younger age then I am now) and a few other men I do not recognize were by the sea side somewhere warm. There were no roads but narrow chanels for small boats and canoes to navigate.

My dad tells me and one of my brothers that he and the other men are going a head in another boat and leave me and R in the first boat. R makes me sit in the back ignores my complains that the back of the boat is sinking. I was arguing with him to let me sit up front but he ignored me and soon i'm up to my waist in water. My father and my other brother came along in another boat and got into ours. All the older and heavier men were sitting at the front of the boat, yet is was only sinking and below water at the back where I was sitting.

After complaining and whining I finally convinced my father to let me switch places with them and they all went into the back and I went into the font. The back of the boat suddenly became boyant and the front of the boat sank and I could not lift it above the waterline to help steer. I remember feeling angry and frustrated and sick of it all, like I expected this to happen all the time and I was tired of it.

Eventually I found a small boat of my own and got out of my father's and brother's boat and tried to make my way through the maze of channels on my own. My both didn't sink this time, but I had no control and would often get pushed backwards by incoming waves or the tide. Even though I couldn't really go anywhere, I was happier in my own boat for some reason. I remember at the end of the dream missing my mom and wondering where she was, and being upset that I could not get to her because I had no control over my own little boat.

12.02.2011

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

In a family car a redheaded digimon trainer (or whatever) guy complains about his oldest brother behaving badly but nobody listens to him.

---------

The leader is taken away and replaced by another kid who tries to get them to agree about something and when they don't he replaces them with some funny looking gleaming metal spring dummies and they get the leader back.

---------

In the family car the redheaded guy is now more mature and it's now the time for the youngest brother to complain about the oldest one, but no one listens to him.