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9.5.2011

On My Back (DILD)

★★★☆☆

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Originally Posted by Mzzkc

It's just a dream, I assure myself, sticking my hand into the dark wretch's open maw, stopping the biting, but failing to lessen the pressure of its long, black, flesh-torn arms as it pushes down onto my body, my neck, strangling me, leaving me cold as I lay alone on my back, alone in my thoughts, my mind.

Last night I had a dream in which I remember becoming aware that I was in a dream, but I didn't have any control over anything.
I remember wanting to hide away from people because I had to go take something out of my mouth, I kept hesitating to look at myself in the mirror,
because I was afraid of how my reflection would look.
I don't remember the details of how my face looked, all of a sudden the only thing I could see was the inside of my mouth.
2 of my teeth became really really small and crushed until I spit them out after that , this white substance almost like gum or laffy taffy kept growing
along every angle of my gums, I had to keep pulling at it to take it off and no matter how much I pulled to take the peices out of my mouth
more and more kept coming back , it was never ending !!

I tried a google search for the "meaning" behind this.
And after several years, I finally found some what of an answer that perhaps makes some sense out of this strange re-occuring dream.
(Yes , I've had this same dream many times through out my life)

So anyways, what I read was this dream could mean that I hold back a lot on what I'm trying to say , that there are things in my life I want to say ,
but I just don't know how to say them or get my feelings across.... so I'm trapped in a vicious cycle of keeping my thoughts to myself and keeping my mouth shut.
Another interpretation was that perhaps I'm getting rid of all the negative energy inside me, by pulling it out....

And it's funny because it is in fact hard for me to talk "in real life" I always hold back the things I want to say...
Because I'm really shy person and I think too much before I say something..
so in the end, I usually keep my thoughts to myself....

Has anyone else had this dream?

Fragments are all I have left of the whole, but still enough to tell a short story.

First fragment was my teeth. I don't remember if I've ever had a dream with teeth falling out, though it seems common in dream dictionaries. My teeth were coming out in bonded multiples, with blood and yet no pain. I could taste it though, reminded me of the unpleasant smell when filing fingernails.

Next fragment had far more detail. I don't remember who I was, may have been just along for the ride as that happens often. Sometimes a part of the person's consciousness, in varying degrees of course. This was a woman in a lawless time...could very well be Vietnam, though along the coast. Very warm water but muddy and stagnant. It was an estuary of sorts, ravaged by war and choked thick with jungle. Everybody traveled by shallow boats, no bigger than five people per dingy. It was a terrible time, so much that gender no longer played a role in daily life. It was past the typical genocide you see in Africa, as in past that event in the timeline.

Groups of soldiers with tattered and incomplete uniforms would patrol the rivers and coast with poorly maintained weapons in small, laughable boats that were no different than any other. The woman I was attached to in consciousness was a broker, making a living on dumping bodies up river. She was tired and numb to her beauty, though I was not. Dark hair, a bit curly, not entirely from this area. I don't remember seeing her eyes, though I would imagine them dull and empty reflections of her mind. It was survival and fear, tinged with a bit of hope.

She was the person to seek for discrete operations. Her boat was different. It was a huge buoy, something that may have been once used in the deep sea, modified heavily into a slow boat with the capacity to carry at least ten bodies.

I joined her just as she was starting the day. She lived in an industrial area, widely vacant and broken from constant war. It was part of a harbor of sorts, as the lower portion of this warehouse had some enclosed docks. To the side of the docks was an open area, fenced in with no view. This was the junkyard, a combination of fresh bodies and miscellaneous vehicles they arrived in. I'm not sure but I get the feeling they arrived without her assistance, anonymous almost.

She was the broker alright, but still retained some sort of anonymity. I don't remember the smell, perhaps because she no longer noticed it. As she came down from her living area, to which I know little more than it existing on the second floor of the warehouse, she walked to the junkyard to find her daily chore waiting. Indifference was her mood, not casual mind you, but a mind numb with casualties.
---break in the dream---
She loaded the buoy and set out into the sea, keeping close to the shoreline. As she slowly made her way towards the inlet of a river, her buoy caught on something. It was a common net trap of sorts, weighed down by makeshift anchors to hide just beneath the surface and entangle the propeller of a boat. The trap wasn't much of a concern to her, it was the soldier patrols that kept her on edge. She liked to keep her exposure to those dogs at a minimum distance. Her boat pulled free of the net trap begrudgingly and stopped short of the river mouth.
---break in the dream---
She had another boat, small, though I don't know where it came from. She also had some friends with her one woman and two dolphins. The dolphins were playful and didn't seem to even be bothered by the bodies. The two women made their way up a small muddy river and finally came to the supposed place where they had planned to dump the bodies.

Her friend (woman) was also not from this area, with blond hair that was unkempt from the horrid work they did. She had a lighter mood though, and much concern for her/me. As we were laboriously moving the bodies into the reeds a dolphin came up to me, a friend with no name. He/she chirped at me as the dull sound of a motor came from*upriver. I get the feeling it was a friendly warning, as ridiculous as it sounds. It was a patrol. Quickly I told the dolphin to submerge her/himself through a few facial expressions and a gentle tap between the fluke and the dome. The dolphin almost seemed to smile...(it made sense in the dream) and submerged, just as the patrol boat passed by. Soldiers did not like dolphins, and shot them on sight without hesitation. I don't know exactly what it was that we did but it drew no attention from the patrol and they soon disappeared down the river. [end]

There are more fragments, unrelated, but too personal to share.

College Roommate Dentist
I'm in college. It seems I'm living with a roommate. He reminds me of my lab partner from a EE class that I barely knew. In the dream, he is a dentist and he takes patients in our apartment. It's like we have a garage and he has an office set up in there.

Recall has been low lately. These dreams were ok but I'll just quickly summarize them.

Teething Falling Out
Yeah, one of those dreams. I had these weird braces that made my teeth fall out. I also had some metal fixtures at the back of my mouth that I try to remove because they cut my tongue.

Movie Diss
I am at a bar with some coworkers but they are the ones I don't get along with. One of them is trying to remember the name of a movie. One guy knows the one she is talking about and says it's one of his favorites. Everyone else seems to agree. But I say it was a dumb movie. I think it was Juno.

Movies in Bed
I meet a high school guy friend at his house. I think it's Thomas. We are going to watch a movie in his room. There are two girls there. One lays down on the bed with Thomas. I lay at the far end of the bed, giving them some polite space. The other girl is Megan. She takes off her pants and lays with me. She has black hair, a black tank top, and black underwear. She's so hot. She cautiously lays next to me, then moves closer. She puts her head on my shoulder and then an arm across my chest. She seems nervous to make this move. I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer to reassure her that I'm okay with it. Then we watch the movie for a bit on a small television.

1. It's a boring night at the research station, so to pass the time I lean my face against the window of my room and watch people come and go through the courtyard below. CA goes to do laundry, then John L and Joe C go out to find stray animals. They return to the kitchen, where my dad is present to tell tales from the hometown animal rescue. The rescue clinic was apparently so successful that it was able to "hire" concerned volunteers at a dime a pop. After this I false awaken into my bed at home. I get up to brush my teeth, but I don't spit right and swallow the disgusting toothpaste. When I look at the mirror, I see Chinese characters with subtitle translations that say "That toothpaste was disgusting." (A failed text and mirror RC if I ever saw one)

2. I'm walking through Cincinnati with P at night. We have been shooting at an Astro van with our guns to try and get it to explode, but nothing's been happening. We decide to head into a foreigner-owned restaurant for greasy fast food.

I managed to hold onto a fragment of a dream last night (night of 8/10-8/11) that I want to write down before I blow it off for too long; it involved playing around with what felt like a hole in the back of my left lower incisor with my tongue.

It wasn't as memorable as the myriad of past dreams I can remember where I've had teeth falling out, but it was similar in overall theme.

Note for thought: do the permanent retainers I have installed after I had braces still remain in dreams?

Edit: Quick error fixing and addendum, this occurred night of 8/10-8/11, not 8/11-8/12 (which would be tonight).
Also, addendum to the final note, it occurred to me as I went to lay down again that if the retainers do indeed seem to be absent I may be able to use them for reality checking?
Final note, I also seem to recall that when I have teeth-related dreams, the oral tactile sensations seem to be the only sensory information I retain upon awakening.

I am walking along the expressway at the Cut-in-the-Hill near Cincinnati. A convoy of Fender guitar trucks passes to my left, each carrying a different model of Stratocaster guitar and each labeled with the make and price of its contents. One of these is called the "Super King" and is listed at $42000 dollars! Somehow I cross the lanes of traffic and open the truck, taking out the guitar. I call my mom, telling her that I'm holding a guitar worth more than all of our cars combined. Soon, however, I put the instrument back and start to walk home.

It's harder to walk up the hill instead of down it. I have to dodge cars, even jumping into a ditch in the median to avoid getting hit. A cop rolls by my ditch and takes a look at me, and I start to worry. My brother then walks out from nowhere and starts to walk with me. Soon, one of my back teeth comes loose and breaks away with a slight pain. I look at it, and am disgusted as it's completely black and cavity ridden.

Fragment
My mouth rotted. I brushed my teeth like a crazy person, and it went away, but when I looked in the mirror my face was covered in green spots.
Yuck.

Picnic at school
I had joined a group. It was sort of like being vegetarian, only you weren't allowed to wear cotton. I was getting ready for school, but I was having issues finding cotton-free pants. Apparently I hadn't thought this through very well beforehand. I went to the bathroom and saw that Gracie was eating our of the litter box and pooing in the tub (which we had two of, for some reason). This was quite aggravating.

I went to school. B asked me why I was freaking out about the summer homework since we had all summer to do it. She bragged for a while about her amazing planning skills and how she wasn't freaking out because she knew exactly when she would do the homework. I told her that a month can go by really quickly, thinking of lucid dreaming. (I try to have at least 5 lucids per month, and often find myself near the end of the month with only a couple because up until then I'd thought I had plenty of time.) Apparently we needed a pass so we would be allowed to go to class, but I'd been absent the day before so I didn't have one. B asked me to go on a picnic with her family. I wondered why she wasn't going to class, but then figured she had a prep.

On the way to where we were going to have the picnic, I met up with a group of people who acted like they knew me and we were friends, but I'd never seen them before. They took my phone and walked off. I wondered if I would ever get it back, seeing as I didn't really know them. Then I saw that my friend A was with them, so at least I'd be able to track her down.

I went to a field, where B and her family were setting up for their picnic. We moved some chairs so they would be around a table and sat down.

Dolphins! (DEILD)
I decided to DEILD, and found myself back at the field where we'd been eating lunch, only now it was underwater. There was calm music playing. I was lying down on the grass, waiting until I was sure the dream was stable before I moved. A dolphin swam by and up to the surface. The dream looked like 3D video game graphics. Decent ones, but obviously fake. I think I briefly became a dolphin and swam to the surface before waking up.

Skiing on Pavement (DEILD)
I'd intended to go back to dolphin land, but instead I ended up on a ski slope with a road on one side and a city on the other. I was skiing uphill, so I turned around. Once again, it all looked animated. I looked at a dog running along the road, then stopped and looked down at the snow. When I looked back at the dog, it was like real life. I kept going. Someone said that this was Tokyo, and even though it looked nothing like Tokyo, I thought, Good, that means I'm already in Japan. Then I realized that I was just going to open a portal anyway, so it didn't matter where I was.

I was a series of swimming pools on my right, which looked epic. I jumped, using my skis to launch myself. It was awesome. I hovered at around tree level near the pools. There were several big, circular robot things in the water having a race and shooting at each other. I decided to ski past on the concrete. Although it was a restricted area, no one seemed to notice until they looked at the finish line pictures. "Wow, how did someone get up this high?" I heard one of them ask. "We should find this person!"

Idiots, I thought. Now what else was I going to do? Oh right, light sabers!!!

Just shoot the kids (DEILD)
I was lying down on the floor, looking out the window at some plants. Again, the visuals were crappy and music was playing. I didn't want to risk moving, but I could hear voices behind me. My POV turned around on its own, and I saw a mother pointing a cardboard gun at her daughter. The mother was threatening to shoot her daughter on the left. The daughter shouted "nooo!" and I wondered what was wrong with that mom until I realized that they were just kidding around.

V and I are attending a movie, a biology documentary about wetland habitats. The screen is huge and very high-definition; underwater photography, alligators, and birds are all shown in stunning detail. After watching for a while, we move closer and closer, and finally close to kiss. The ensuing makeout is full of energy and passion, and I vividly feel both tongues writhing. There's so much energy, in fact, that she knocks out the filling from my front tooth. Its texture, hard and ugly, now enters the dream, and my brain pulls me out presumably to avoid that feeling.

I wake up (IRL, not a false awakening, thanks to RCs and my own dream journal), but when I go back to bed the dream has continued with a shift of scenes. We're now in the bathroom of the movie theatre, preparing to have sex. I try to hurry up and begin to piss... and I keep pissing. I notice, too late, that the urinal I chose has someone's shit blocking the drain, and soon the water starts to overflow. I have no choice but to continue, but as V knocks on the door to check on me the urinal breaks out of the ground! Water, piss, and shit start flowing everywhere, and she steps in the refuse with her heavy boots. The mood is, to say the least, ruined. I stumble out of the toilet trying to clean myself up and salvage the night, but another student from the research station, S, is crying to herself and washing glassware in the sink. I have no peace and wake up very frustrated.

Colour Key: Non-Lucid, Lucid, Commentary/Notes

I didn't remember any dreams until this one just came back to me about an hour after getting up. Getting this little bit of a scene out of my memory was a bit like pulling teeth... ok, bad pun.

I was looking in a mirror, examining my teeth. On the right side of my lower mouth there was like a wide crack where most of my teeth were splitting open. I could see inside that there was an entire other gum and set of teeth. It was kind of like how Russian dolls fit within each other, but with gums and teeth...

It's a recurring dream I've had at least once before.

Night of August 25, 1977. Thursday.



This is a description of the most intense fully in-body nightmare I have had in my lifetime (almost as vivid as a typical fully in-body lucid dream though I am not lucid in this one). Even so, possibly the only vivid in-body nightmare that had residual energies on my mood (in “coloring” my day) for more than a day or two as well as very realistic imagery and perspective. It seems to fit in with the idea of “anniversary” dreams. It relates to how my dog disappeared after I was in the hospital for a couple days a year earlier when he apparently ran off looking for me. It preferred my company over anyone else’s. It was a mixed breed but part toy spaniel and showed up at our house as a stray. No one had claimed him.

In my dream, I find myself seeing the small dog sitting on the floor of my room in Cubitis. I am mostly looking west the entire time. I am very surprised and happy to see him, but something seems a bit “off” about the atmosphere or mood of my dream. I call out in an odd eerie sustained voice,“Joooe…”

I pick him up and he seems small and vulnerable but then something completely unexpected happens. He jumps up from my arms and bites into my entire face somehow with a strange growl. I actually feel the intense pain sweep over my face and when I look down again, I can feel that some of his teeth are still in a few different areas of my face. I am still holding him much the same way at that point. He now looks quite savage…or at least as savage as a toy spaniel can appear, and I can see where several of his teeth had come out - and I also have a vague idea that this may eventually cause his death and so I feel additionally sad upon this fleeting thought. My face feels wet and hot. There is an intensity which makes it seem like a real event even after waking. However, it is not that logically rendered because, being such a small dog, he would not have been able to cover my entire face with his open mouth.

This was actually one of the only dreams I had where he appeared after he disappeared in real life. Being an “anniversary” dream, it was unusually intense with regard to emotion and self-reflection. It was likely relative to the suppressed or “hidden” guilt I had concerning his disappearance and not knowing what happened to him (thus his in-dream behavior implies “the worst” if only in my imagination) even though it was not really my fault that I had to spend time in the hospital for a couple days for the operation on my right thumb. He was a “house dog” but this was the first time he just took off (on the second day I was in the hospital) when someone else opened the front door at my family’s house.

This was also one of the only dreams that seemingly took me by complete surprise in its outcome.