• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. Thursday, June 1

      by , 08-19-2023 at 08:58 PM
      I am in a house with Zoe. A man approaches the door, and Zoe takes it as a threat. More serious than I’ve ever seen her, she draws a handgun and approaches the door, pistol held down with straight arms. I think there is a brief interaction, and then I see that he has some kind of rifle. They don’t reach an amicable decision and instead begin firing at each other. Each shoots many rounds; the exchange seems it should be way more deadly given the separation of only a few feet and a screen door. I see Stella outside the door and go get involved. The gunshots are very quiet and I can just about see the bullets move through the air. Some even hit Stella, and she seems unaffected. The man is now on the ground, face up, and now I shoot him. I shoot him multiple times in the face. Each shot causes a small gore, yet he continues slowly talking, taunting. I become exasperated and finally after a few more bullets, he quiets.
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    2. Friday, June 24

      by , 07-06-2022 at 10:44 PM
      I’m at work and walking from the direction of the second office to the front counter. I notice the regular Lance talking to the new Ethan at the computer closest to me. Lance must have asked if something is in; without even looking, Ethan tells him something like we haven’t gotten our shipment or he would’ve heard about it. This irritates me because I know it is here. I interject “meet me in the parking lot, Lance.” What I have for him is a simple looking black handgun. I slip it into my waistband (of my athletic shorts?) which is not sturdy, as it ends up in a few different places. I go between the two offices looking for the box of ammo that I know I have, but can’t find it anywhere. I end up walking out without it. Lance has been waiting right outside the door; I walk off to the side a bit with him, not sure how discreet this should be. He looks happy when I pull it out and hand it to him, handle first. We’re right outside of a truck full of unfamiliar people that he must know. I get into the truck, everyone in camo and similar outdoor gear, and it feels like we’re setting out for a trip. We are sitting on what feels like a water bed in the bed of the truck. We’re on a dirt road up in the hills and climbing some steep inclines. The one we’re on right now becomes almost vertical, but we drive right up and over it. I wonder what it’ll be like to come back down this. We’re parked now and I get out. This area looks like a small crater or bowl. The view is of the entire surrounding area and is impressive. I think we’re going to be spending the night here, which I am fine with.
      Tags: driving, gun, truck, work
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    3. Friday, June 10

      by , 06-16-2022 at 09:33 PM
      I’m with either Julia or Jessica or both in some unfamiliar room. It seems more like a motel than a house. Someone (the maintenance guy that lives in the building next to us) starts coming over and I know he’s going to get in, in a threatening way. I go around to lock all the doors (the locks look like that on the side door at work). He’s here now and saying something threatening as he tries to force open the locked handle. I watch it bend from the force. He’s inside this room now, facing Jessica and Julia, me facing his back. I watch as he shoots at something (not them) with a tiny black pistol. I think I now run to get a gun, shooting him when I return. He lies face down and I kneel on top to restrain his arms, as he’s still struggling. I call out for them to get a gun (I guess I’m not aware that I just had one) so I can finish it. It takes a while, but I think they finally do. I think I shoot him in the head, looking down at the resulting carnage. His body is moved now and I see indentations in the carpet and the spherical silver bullets about the circumference of a quarter within.

      *I can’t recall many emotions during the last part of this dream. It seems that what I was doing did not feel wrong, though it’s obviously disturbing to write down now.
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    4. ccclxii. Projecting with Gandalf, Victorian town, People armed and in conflicts

      by , 02-27-2022 at 09:19 PM
      15th January 2022

      Fragment:

      Something with Gandalf? Using some kind of shared mental projection technique that allows us to scout some place ahead. First, indoors, a place with white walls and vaulted ceilings (how big?). Blue-ish light, indirect sunlight-like. We walk, still as projections, outside. There's a mish mash of a castle and some house thing. It looks familiar and I'm sure I've seen it before, some awareness or perhaps false memory of having seen it in another dream.

      Then we knock at some door? A man, sort of fantasy-like and a little fat, answers the door.

      Something at some point about H's sister.

      (recall was weak)


      17th January 2022

      Fragment:

      Somewhat Victorian place or setting. Cobbled streets in a city. Several different characters. I'm naked and aroused at one point. Someone male interacting with me and trying to convince me of something. Later, a hearth and a fire in a house. I'm naked but under a duvet or something I wrap myself in.

      (recall was good, but lost it because of the radio; I vaguely recall this dream visually even now and it had a bit of a grungy feel to it)


      18th January 2022


      Scraps:

      Looking in recycling bags and seeing the wrong things in either of them.


      21st January 2022

      Fragment:

      At old home, daytime. Unusual setting, with implied state of anarchy or non-normality.

      There's some kind of animosity between white and black people. I have some hope that people will just get along. People have handguns and shotguns. At one point I'm in a flat, looking for stuff, and I have a stand-off with a teenager. (seen in a sort of isometric third person view) I also feel like I'm a teen. We both have handguns and shoot at each other once, I hit him and he misses me. He dies and I dislike the fact that it was necessary to shoot him at all, only firing in self defence, I feel.

      Later, some WoW bit with choosing a sub-faction even though I'm already Alliance.
    5. ccclvii. Urges and an appointment, Kiting a bear through a forest/cave, Grandpa staying with us

      by , 02-02-2022 at 06:19 PM
      Some in-line notes.

      23rd December 2021


      Recall was left too long and could only retain vague fragments.

      Fragment:

      Something about being at old home, I'm in my room and it's sunny outside, though my curtains are drawn closed. They're the old white and yellow diamond curtains. I am moving towards my desk in the corner and feel the need to self-pleasure, but something makes it feel like I can't.

      Then, something about going for an appointment. I am briefly outside. The light in the dream seems off somehow, like there's too much shade despite being daytime and how sunny it is, but I don't realise any of this while dreaming. Something happens in regards to me going to the appointment or something, and then I'm home. (Did this scene happen first?)

      Fragment:

      I'm outdoors and I was in a car before. The place I'm in is a forest and I eventually go through a cave too. There's a relatively small female black bear character, which has something anthropomorphic about it. I want to kill it using a rifle, and kite the bear around all over the place, at one point the bear becomes enraged (like a game buff) and I have awareness that a single hit from the bear could kill me. (Similar feel to being the scout on DRG and kiting a dangerous enemy)

      Another half-anthro animal was involved in this at one point.


      24th December 2021

      Fragment:

      It's relatively bright but not exactly sunny. I'm in our bedroom with H, who's on the bed and then there's something that means I have to get up. At one point, we have an interaction with H's grandfather, who's apparently staying with us. (He passed away a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday) He knows about us sleeping in the same bed, and doesn't seem to mind.
    6. cccv. Fighting our way down, Being asked to fix a reactor

      by , 07-21-2021 at 10:57 AM
      20th July 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm with H I think and someone else, a woman, maybe a lead character from something. At first we're "silently" killing Combine soldiers with desert eagles as we descend through a compound via some long and wide stairs, not unlike those in HFC instances although the setting looked sort of Half-Life-ish I suppose. (I say "silently" because the guns are actually stupidly loud but if we kill the soldiers with one shot or two very quickly, nobody else is alerted even if they are standing next to them)

      I'm constantly low on ammo as I can see on a Half-Life 1-like GUI. I feel the other two are picking up all the ammo and leaving none for me, probably not on purpose. Near the end of this segment, we screw up a silent kill because of the distance and gun inaccuracy, all of the enemies have now become alert and we have a kind of stand-off at a landing on the stairs, we have the higher position. We use smoke grenades to force them to come a bit closer to reduce ammo waste, especially since I'm so low on ammo. I recall I have an UZI that I swap to but see that it only has two bullets left and become annoyed, since my DE is about to run out too.

      Then for some reason, lots of food stuff is out next to us in the middle of all of this, tinned food mostly.

      Fragment:

      Near the end of this fragment. Something about a facility with a reactor in it, which has been running on edge. Earlier in this dream I was at this location but many years in the past, and this present is a time of post-destruction. Someone wants me to have a look at the reactor.

      (The area of this fragment reminds me of a deathmatch map from HL1 that I must have spent a considerable amount of time playing in with my siblings.)
    7. ccxciv. Weird bicycle and family conversations

      by , 06-30-2021 at 06:42 PM
      30th June 2021

      Woken up by postman. Some in-line notes.

      Fragment:


      (going from end to start, kind of) I am with mom, she's taking me on a ride, on some kind of bicycle but it's really long, like ten yards long or something. She's asking me what I think of an alien race on a film that (in the dream) I had apparently watched. I am not too interested in the topic and feel that she is being oddly too insistent about it. (wake up at about this point)

      The whole time, I don't have a good hold of the bike thing and am concerned I might fall off but I persist in trying to stay on. (realistically I could have walked just as fast or faster) The rear end I'm at comes off from the seat area in the front, it looks a bit like one of those streamline cars' side skirts, sort of half-sectioned or something, difficult to explain. I'm holding on to it in a hunched and semi-crouched position. I have my regular clothes on as far as I can tell, wearing my normal boots. My boots make it feel very difficult to keep my feet inside the gap in the panelling.

      I have passing thoughts about how mom is being able to pedal this thing with me on it too and where I'm at a leverage point that should make climbing this bit quite difficult. We're climbing up on the small hill that leads to the newer roundabout, which used to be the P exit. We're on the cobbled pavement.

      A bit earlier, me, T and mom are walking in A, at the roundabout before the other we eventually ride up to. It's morning, sort of sunny but not. The surroundings seem different to how they should be in waking life but I'm not certain in what way. We get to a car and T unlocks it. He gets in and starts the car, it's some old car, maybe like a Mini or an older VW or something. We say something and then me and mom walk across to a pavement on the right, where those small houses should be.

      Soon I become aware of the car's engine being turned back off again, though I don't look. I think something to myself about it, but can't recall what. At this point I'm talking to mom about teachers and smoking. (probably intrusions from recent thoughts on both as concepts) She says you can't really get away from it (smoking) completely in that environment. We talk about teachers' pay and how it varies a lot and isn't quite adequate. Then when we are across and have walked along for a bit, that's where the weird bike thing is and when we get on it.

      Scraps:

      Some earlier dream sequence but recall slipped too much. Something like a game with T. We have guns and are expecting a massive encounter against NPCs or something inside a large building, but then nothing happens. There are flood lights and there's a cold ambience, despite the lights seeming warm in terms of glare. Some teens appeared and I think we hid or something, waiting to hear what they might say.



      Notes:

      - In bed, and before bed, I thought about lucid dreaming for a while and thought about wanting to do something with art or drawing while lucid.
      -- Also had thoughts based on the Dreamgates book reading, about how I have never felt completely comfortable with any name (even ones I've made for myself) and so I wondered what kind of names dream characters might give me.

      - Last night I started feeling really dizzy and just "slow" after midnight, not sure why. Wasn't able to do anything other than lie down and read a small bit.

      - Mom's appearance in this dream is no doubt related to her recent episode. On some level, any family appearance really ought to be enough for me to question reality, but it never is. She was half normal, half not, as hinted by the feeling I got off odd insistence, a behaviour I've only seen a bit of but am familiar with.
    8. ccxx. Eating a glass, Attacking a giant reptile, Buying gear, Cycle

      by , 01-31-2021 at 12:30 PM
      31st January 2021

      Fragment:

      I am in the kitchen. It's a day like it has been lately, kind of cloudy, a sort of desaturated natural light. Out of the kitchen's window it's not like how it should be, it's more like there's a driveway and there's a big van parked there but still it doesn't block much of the view or light somehow. There's a similar van parked over at next door's too.

      I open the cupboard where we keep the glasses? I grab and take out one of the blue ones, put my upper lips over the edge and sort of feel it melt a bit; the glass still feels rigid like glass but as I start biting into the top rim, it's a soft chew and there's something pleasurable about it. I get erotic thoughts somewhat unrelated to the glass itself but related to the sensations and M/M themes.

      Fragment:

      I'm with someone, perhaps T? We're riding on the back of a winged creature, flying high in a somewhat mountainous area. There's an MMO feel to things but it feels distinctly real too. I see us in third-person for the most part.

      Using a long gun-cannon thing, I am shooting at a somewhat generic 50ft reptilian below past some ridges and canyons; he is otherwise engaged in combat with other humans down there, in a semi-flat area. The shots I fire are highly explosive and I aim for vulnerable parts of the head, trying to "break" them, like if this was the game Monster Hunter.

      As I was about to break a part of the rear of the head, someone else does and I don't get credit it for it, and become annoyed. This happens once more on another part of the creature's head. I then aim for the eye instead and get credit this time, but at this point there's little left of the head apart from the lower jaw. He still lives somehow and is still in combat with the humans.

      (gap)

      I'm going through a mine-shaft like tunnel on the side of a ravine, parts of it are enclosed by rock, others are open to the outside. I am trying to go to a place that will let me head down, to an area like where the creature was.

      Fragment:

      Something about WoW. I'm in a large city and I have some kind of Honour points I can spend. The place reminds me of a mix of Dalaran, Exodar and Shattrath and it is flying in the sky as Dalaran would be. I come to a central hall of sorts, there are energy bridges and energy surfaces that I can walk on. I approach an NPC and see what PvP equipment I could buy with what little honour I have.

      Fragment:


      Something about being in Brazil or some other South American country. There's a distinct feel of advanced technology throughout the dream. High-tech structures and such like, though I don't remember seeing much of it. I am or was at some sort of resort or house away from everything, in a hilly and mountainous area overlooking a large river.

      I remember little of my own presence in the dream. The dream plot focuses on a serpentine creature, it is red and its scales are small relative to its size. It has been dormant for untold years and it wants to ruin all of the technology that has been brought about. The dream implies that it's not the first time this has happened and that it's part of a recurring cycle.

      The creature's size is comparable to the mountains in the area. I remember it could communicate telepathically or something.



      Notes:
      - The order is not chronological, the first fragment was the last I had this morning.
      - One of my right hand fingers is particularly sore because of an injury and I was unable to write any initial notes for any of these fragments because of it, bits of recall just remained and came back as I wrote.
      - The fragment in the kitchen is reminiscent of how I come to certain creative ideas sometimes, often through some physical sensations.
      - The day in the kitchen was remarkably like what it was like when I actually went in the kitchen for the first time today, though I think it looked less messy in the dream, more normal.
      - The red end-bringing serpent and the cycle seem to be a somewhat obvious but less literal Ourobouran reference.
    9. ccxv. Trippy dream and conflict at the old home

      by , 01-24-2021 at 01:40 PM
      23rd January 2021

      Multiple sequences from one dream:

      Very trippy bit just before waking up.

      Before that, I am at a building. A utilities company or office building. I am waiting to be seen or talk to someone. There had been a mistake of some kind on a bill, so I got 60 off as a voucher, but the company was cheeky and raised the price anyway in the end, resulting in only 10 off in total.

      In a larger room, with open plan connections and several large windows, I speak to a woman at a desk. I basically ask her if I can't speak to someone here about retentions; I want to get a better deal. She says no.

      There's a spray bottle on a table, it has a transparent green-blue liquid and the label has a number on it? I start typing it on my phone's dialler, it takes me a while, it's a long number? Things start to get trippy at this point.

      For each set of three numbers, there's something that looks like skin showing up on my phone? This image, which is more real than just image, pans from side to side as I go through each set.

      An eye appears in each equivalent bit for each set I complete.

      (recall starts becoming vague, two separate sequences blending)

      Final bit of some sequence, I'm inside a mouth with multiple openings, about seven I think. There's enough standing room and a bit of headroom but not much. The multiple openings open and shut periodically, I think. Sunlight comes through, there's a beautiful blue sky outside. I'm adding missing features to the mouth, like teeth and I reach or am outside to add some sort of ceramic scales to the outer part. It's all a bit jumbled, can only say it was a bit too trippy to recall accurately.

      Mixing. I'm going to Romania by someone's request. He was organising some kind of "save the world" thing? I remember going about with a group of people, night time but bright?

      (recall gap)

      Using a double barrel shotgun of some kind, it doesn't feel as good to use as I'd hoped. It has a locked firing mode that fires each barrel in sequence with a set delay if I press the trigger once. I expected it to fire one of the two barrels only per trigger press. I fight some soldiers with berets. Something reminds me or looks like Promethea.

      At one point I remember being in a bedroom of some sort. Open sky, no ceiling and not all walls are here. I feel I am stealing or intruding, but it doesn't stop me. I find a box full of mini-discs and floppy disks.

      Dream:

      (from falling asleep again in the morning)

      At one point I'm in my native country. I'm with old schoolmates, like JC, R and some others. It's a very hilly town we're in. There are loads of people about, there's some kind of event going on?

      Then, I find myself in a shop, deviating from where the group was going, I remember expecting I'd be able to catch up. Some kind of real-time advert is taking place here and it's for olive oil of all things. It almost feels Japanese, the advert. But the olive oil and the general look of the shop make me realise and conclude that I must be in my native country. Pre-lucid thoughts.

      I see coins in the register being handled, they are not Euros, but they are instead an altered version of the currency my native country had prior to the Euro. I don't question things further despite finding this odd, accepting the context even with some lingering amazement at all this.

      More walking around the hilly town. Eventually, I'm inside a big building. A theatre or a mix of one and a church or something. Someone mentions pipe organs. I think to myself that if I was wealthy I would buy some to make a car's adornments with.

      I climb some stairs, I'm with someone up in a gallery. We're talking to another person, but they don't feel like a person? Looks like an old man though. He's some kind of curator and he mentions manipulating pupils (like university students). Me and the other person conspire with eye glances to each other that we're about to kill this old man, who we find to be immoral and tyrannical. When he turns over and is facing a part that has no railing, we both strike him with a large object at the same time, like chairs maybe.

      The old man falls down, one or two stories. We presume him dead and see some witnesses downstairs are approaching to look and we go down via the stairs. We approach the supposed corpse; he still lives and surprises us with an attack and we become locked in a battle with the old man. The dream becomes a bit supernatural or trippy.

      The fight follows down a hall that turns into a desert canyon, just before the dream ends.
    10. clxxix. Protecting a minister and film called "The End"

      by , 10-13-2020 at 06:36 PM
      12th October 2020

      Fragment:

      Somewhere in China. I was helping some kind of cabinet minister or something. I think I was his bodyguard and for some part of the dream we were in a silver car; the minister was the driver.

      I was constantly on the lookout for potential threats. Vague recall of having a weapon. I remember an underground area, a mix of some metro station I know (grey, dingy) and an underground car park or something.

      Most recall faded, but by the end of this dream sequence I was in a kind of transition where I was in my native country, in the capital or somewhere like it and near the water. On one of the quays? Something about catching a train.

      Some family members were there and I was trying to be the last one to get on the train to make sure nobody got separated. T and her sister were there.

      Not sure what part of the dream, but at some point I was selling guns, shotguns?

      13th October 2020

      Fragment:

      Dream about a film, called "The End", which was apparently the first in a series. There's a group of four people and they have to stop the four horsemen at the breaking of the last seal. There's some narrating? Not sure: "But what if one of the people, the wizard, didn't make it on time? What would you do?"

      This bit seems to be a replay of a previous dream section but with altered details. Vague visual recall of seeing the last seal break, implying the group failed.

      Before this, I was a child or teenager. I saw my reflection, of my younger self, on a metal blade of some kind.

      I had inherited a large wooden instrument from some African music player. I recall now the instrument looked exactly like a wooden organ pipe, but with tribal decorative patterns painted on it. (recently made a joke to H about one of these sounding like a didgeridoo)

      It was apparently up to me to find someone who would take on this instruments legacy, or I could take it on myself.

      I remember while I was younger I had to train weapon skills (vague recall of panel like classic WoW skills) and I was going to be training my unarmed skill, so I was going to spar with someone my age.

      Something about needing saturated fat first though, and eating some cereal rich in it and other stuff.

      There was a barge too... Maybe we were on it? Recall faded too much.

      Even earlier than this in the dream, dad and I in the middle of a city, like the capital. He'd left his car in a lane and we were on the pavement talking, but I get the feeling he'd left the car open, like he/we were getting back in soon.



      Notes:

      - I never used to have dreams about my younger self. But it seems they are starting to appear more often. I have an inkling as to why but I can't be certain and it's a bit complex.

      Too tired at the moment to make other notes on some stuff. Need to remember to edit this later.
    11. clxvi. Nature; Man with a shotgun ,Ancient book, Mall/school hybrid, Mansion and mountains

      by , 09-15-2020 at 01:36 PM
      15th September 2020

      Fragment:

      Think I have no body, I'm following or the view is following a man going around a natural park or lake. He has an AA20 shotgun and he keeps firing it randomly, but mostly at the ground. I feel concerned about stray shots hitting someone. It seems there's nobody else around though.

      By the end there's a gravelled car parking area. At some point after that, it's revealed the man was supposedly firing blanks (but they weren't).

      Dream:

      Part of a long dream. Something about a mall, but it's also a school? It's really busy and I am trying to get somewhere specific. I remember talking to someone but I go up several staircases and walk around an upper level, trying to avoid busy routes, but still encountering a lot of other pupils or something.

      I get to an internal bus station of some sort? A transit hub, at any rate.

      (recall gap)

      Then I'm following a person around, in an office-like place. We're in a stairwell, we go down several levels, spirally, but the tiers and bends are all perfectly square and large, the steps themselves aren't too deep. I remember seeing doors every so often. There are engraved plaques, made of blue granite, engraved with counter-relief lettering that's got a golden finish.

      We reach floor "-2", I notice this written on a plaque. I look out a big latticed window and see another building across the way, not far (a few feet), lit by sunlight. I think about how -2 must be code, or only locally relevant, since I knew and could see we were several stories up. The place has tall ceilings, I realise this more because of the large window. The stairs had a running carpet all the way along and it continued on into the hallways. The walls were covered in a medium-dark stained wooden panelling.

      We go into a room here at this level. Very vague recall of the room. There's a desk? A book? The book is ancient. There is a magical aura to it, but this is almost unclear in the dream, I realise this only on waking up. The ancient book has tattered and yellowed pages with coloured-coded and symbol-coded separators. The books' nature means they are constantly shifting in appearance (almost like a "quantic" book of some sort?). I remember opening it and reading some part of it but no recall of how it looked, other than the fact that things shifted around.

      Fragment:

      False awakening in our bed. I find snot on my shoulder? Apparently it's H's. My recall of the room is very vague, but the darkness was warmer in tone than it should have been and there seemed to be an absence of any light sources.

      Fragment:

      Related, or in sequence to, the office dream. Big mansion place, outdoors. Large open gardens area, I remember some hedges but not much else. The mansion had an oblong rectangular shape; ovoid at the lateral ends?

      First I'm visiting the mansion but then later in the dream I take ownership of it or something. Everything goes wonky after I own it, and I have to go around on foot in some mountain crag areas to find power sources and set traps.

      Then at some point I move the entire mansion so that it sits level. I feel myself do this with my hands physically and remember seeing it from above, but no other senses suggested that I was of gigantic scale.

      It's daytime out here and it's half bright but not, it's cloudy and overcast but there are godrays in the distance. There's a sort of moody feel, like a literal storm is approaching. The light and atmospherics look grey but golden and warm, in part because of the distant godrays. I see them near some mountains in the distance, past a vast body of water. The mansion was atop a cliffy area overlooking this body of water. A massive lake or small sea.

      I remember several small fragments of being in the house. Interactions with dream characters but during my initial notes I don't really care to recall most of them. Some early ones about being interviewed and recruited as a doctor. There was someone else attending the same things as me, in alternate pace, it was an older snobby woman, also applying.

      Scraps:


      (in waking life) Went back to bed after answering the door. I had many dream scraps but almost all of them faded. I tried getting back to sleep and tried to focus on my intent to go back to the earlier dream, especially the bit about being hired as a doctor, as I thought this may help with becoming lucid. But my intent faded and I transitioned in and out of lesser states of awareness.



      Notes:

      - There's a great deal of internal and deeper themes here for me, especially around school, malls and office-type spaces. Some of these dreams felt like they were focused on consolidating my knowledge of certain features within buildings. In recent months I have felt that in drawings, my attention to detail in architecture is not well internalised and after recall these dreams I felt my associations of different features in buildings were expanded.
      - Despite the crowds in the mall/school hybrid area, there was no covid pretext to any of my concerns about avoiding people. It was a mostly back-to-basics thing about not wanting to be in crowds.

      - The view of the mountains and vast water was very picturesque; although I'm not sure of it being related in this case, on waking it did remind me of a picture we have on a wall of the bedroom, depicting an Italian lake.

      - The ancient book was one of the most interesting features of these dreams. It's something I feel compelled to recreate in some artistic form now.
      - Again its appearance may have been related to the fact that I have not internalised the details of books very well, which shows whenever I try to draw one from memory.
    12. Monday, July 13

      by , 08-20-2020 at 05:56 AM
      I’m at what I think is work. The area looks like a large garage or warehouse or combination of the two. It’s somewhat dim, though there are two large doors open. I’m sitting in a chair and trying to hide an erection by raising my right leg and resting its ankle on the other leg’s knee and holding a pair of pajama pants as casually as I can over it. I think it may be out of my underwear at one point. Now, Beth (from JCP) walks in and starts talking to me, I think about her car. She looks slightly different than I remember. Now I’m in what must be the store. There are fairly tall and crowded bookcases. There is a corner that I think no one ever goes into, so I head over there to change or touch myself? I then remember and worry about the fact that there is a mirror over this section. Before I can do anything, someone calls my name, and I come over to him. We are now outside of this warehouse. There is a smaller building at the end of this concrete lot; I go over to it because I think it has a bathroom. I’m bringing the flannel pajama pants so I can change. Before I get to the door, someone stops me again. I’m glad he does: I look through the gap between the door and door frame and see a man with a gun. He is muscular, with short hair and beard. He grips the silver pistol with both hands, it poised and ready. I have the feeling he’s looking for someone else, but still I don’t want to be in his way. I also see into the bathroom. It is mostly barren concrete with what looks like a pit toilet. The base of the toilet looks slightly filthy. This open door is motley blocking this little corridor and I’m glad at the little protection it affords. This guy seems to be going back and forth with another armed man on the other side of this small, square building. Me and this other guy by me do so for a while too, not wanting to get caught in the middle. I now take an opportunity and dash away from the building. The two men come out from the corridor spaces into the open and begin firing at each other. The bullets travel slow enough for me to track them but fast enough that I imagine they’d still cause harm. Each misses the other a few times. They are conversing during this; the first mentions how he was already shot and died? There is a sense that I did not have to run away from my spot and that it actually would’ve been better had I not. I feel ashamed at my cowardice.
      Categories
      Uncategorized
    13. cxxiii.

      by , 07-25-2020 at 06:00 PM
      21st May

      Bits from one or two dreams? Didn't make notes in the morning, was too tired.

      Dream Fragment:

      I was in a desert or barren canyon type of place. I was driving some kind of motorbike, called the "MotorBeast" or something to that effect. I remember accelerating with my right hand and making note of the extremely loud roar from the exhaust. I did some acrobatics or was in some high speed sequence?

      Next thing I remember, different place, but related in some way. There was a dream character, he was simultaneously my teacher and an avatar of Anubis. But we had to fight and so he was like a boss of some sort. I remember chasing him through this dark and ancient Egyptian temple/crypt place. There was a dark red tint to everything and even though daylight broke through the ceiling in certain parts, it was still dark, like the exposure made dark places appear brighter but bright places appear much darker.

      I remember the character taunted me from behind a half wall and pillars. I couldn't reach him but shot him with a Torgue grenade launcher set to sticky mode. I remember the feeling of holding the weapon with only my right hand and the feeling of pointing it. It felt intuitive, but in retrospect it seemed far too light for what it was. After emptying my clip, the explosives went off in sequence, causing him heavy damage. He was nearly dead (I knew through some interface display?) but he was able to run very fast through a narrow hall crowded with unknown dream characters, which were his minions. I believe they looked like mummies.

      Eventually I caught up to him, finding him in a small room around a corner, where he was using some kind of self-bandaging ability (like in WoW). I tried shooting him to interrupt it, but I think something happened right after I did that, and the dream ended.



      Notes:
      - The bit where the Anubis character ran away at high speed when on low health now reminds me that some boss in Killing Floor did something similar.
      - The Torgue weapon was notable because I'd recently been playing BL3 and I always loved the Torgue shotguns in BL2; it should have been a somewhat obvious dream-sign here since it was somewhat out of place in the rest of the dream's context.
      - Though I didn't think of this at the time of this dream, I now feel as though there is a bit of a link between the motorbike and the Torgue gun since those guns are typically modelled after big engines and the like. The dream felt more randomly put together at the time but I feel like I could unpick it better now in terms of contextual/schematic associations.
    14. Bad Nightmare DILD

      by , 06-18-2020 at 02:55 AM (Inner World حلم Gamma Waves)
      Haven't been having the best kind of dreams lately. Woke myself up from this one.
      Tags: darkness, gun
      Categories
      lucid , nightmare
    15. Tuesday, March 24

      by , 03-28-2020 at 10:33 PM
      I meet up with Scott at what looks like a school foyer. I’m here for the CCW course and it looks like it’ll be just me. He sets up a target and I get the sense that he’s going to be leaving. On the target is a paper, of which we have a whole case of stacks. I ask him a few basic things, including if the target is about 25 feet away. He says yes and then makes his way out, which I still find kind of odd. I fire off a couple rounds with this pistol, impressed with how closely grouped they are. I shoot a little more, hardly, if at all, feeling or hearing the gun
      Tags: gun, school, shooting
      Categories
      Uncategorized
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