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3nld no lucid. Not even a moment hadn't happened in a while. Deflated. Never wanted to give up so badly. Just do it. Just practice. Just go! Just go and you're there! I promise you the world and more, just go! A faith small as a mustard seed. That's all I need, nothing more. Just go, you'll see. Just go do it and you'll be it. Go now! You're at the lowest now just so you can jump your highest and soar across the clear blue skies. Go now, this time you'll succeed!

You're right there, but no one else can go for you.

Go
Always
Lucid
Dreamer

08 Apr 19:

First dreams recorded in 4 years. 2 fragments and one "solid"



- At a store, think I'm looking for new shirts

- Bookstore

- At a friends' parents house. I'm sitting at a table and across me sits someone who feels and gives off a vibe of his sister but looks completely different. She talks about quieting her job. Not sure who's choice it is though.
Somewhat further down the dream I see his father talk to my friend about the mother who apparently did something wrong or made a mistake that they find amusing.

So I started using the Awoken smartphone app to train myself to do Reality Checks in my dream. It works like a charm, for me at least. After responding to the app for only one day, I had 3 lucids last night. The most interesting of them was the one where I realized my goal and tried to gain control over/access to it. Below is my DJ entry.

---

I'm in this wacky world where there are all sorts of zany characters running around. It feels like a game mixed with a children's TV show. I have been here before in a previous dream and I become lucid.

I remember my goal, the reason I'm lucid dreaming in the first place and realize I have no interest in this weird world and dream freedom. I'm here to talk to my subconscious. So I try to focus and clear out the world so I have complete emptiness. It doesn't work, so I treat my dream as a machine that accepts commands and tell it to "clear out everything". And it does, it literally removed everything leaving me in complete darkness.

Now that I have what I want, I say to my subconscious: "Give me access to my subconscious." I do not get a response, but I can see my subconscious trying to force the world back in which I was standing before, forcefully trying to move it into place, I can even see white, bony hands trying to push the scene back together for me to walk in. I refuse and push it away with my mind and ask loudly: "Why won't you give me access!?"

Then a feeling of fear developed inside of me and out of nowhere the mad Majora's Mask moon shows up underneath me and a dark, angry voice resonated throughout the world: "WHY DO YOU WANT ACCESS TO SOMETHING YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!?" The voice surprises me and I am shocked my subconscious is this violent towards me. It's not just shock because of the response. The amount of power this entity exerted towards me was of such a degree that I felt like it could kill me instantly if it wished to do so. I froze for a second when it appeared in that fashion.

The voice keeps on talking on why I have no business trying to meddle in something beyond my control and it has me wake up to a false awakening again, but I am completely conscious of the fact that I am dreaming still. The house is very different. Not in the sense that the layout or location is different, but something else completely. It's dark, not only literally, but it feels like I'm somewhere I have no control. I feel fear inside of me as I see eyes on the walls everywhere, connected to each other like neurons and information travelling between them as electricity, as this voice keeps on rambling like a higher being, explaining that I shouldn't have access to things I will not understand anyway. I walk through the house and the walls are the same everywhere, with eyes looking at me. It feels really uncomfortable as I'm trying to explore the house. When I get to the kitchen, my dream has started taking over again, as my consciousness is fading and the last thing I see is myself walking back to bed. And that is where the memory ends.

---

That was quite the experience. I think maybe I came on to strong. Tonight, if I become lucid, I'll try just talking to it first, just a conversation, rather than demanding access immediately. Hopefully it will be more agreeable then XD.

2-3 nld
2 ld, short
Had some crappy events, emotions unsound. Solved in the end by labelling it, mindful way. Arose again today, overcame by visualization feeling kindness/love meditation.

dream 1
workplace, competitive co-workers, turn into vampire, overcoming obstacles, perishes in the end when I can't suck enough life blood.

ld
I think during a dream, I get the usual "feeling", focus on it and begin to see the ceiling, it becomes clearer and I see heirographs on the ceiling I'm looking at. I become a little excited, wake.

dream x
dreamt about boogie board

dream 2
friends in computers lab, doing stuff. expand later.

ld/ap
get the "feeling", focus on vibrations, feeling like I lost it but the sensation goes up. Feeling a bit non-moving, still in bed. Push the buzz higher, above head, pushed self out of body. Explore bedroom, hear stuff. Do gravity RC, gravity is lighter than normal. Wasn't sure, so tried to close bathroom door to do more checks. Begin thinking about the bed, where the body is, causing me to return to body.

Ohm nee loocid dreamin!