Recent DJ Posts

delete

comment dream lucid

Failed WILD (light vibrations, I thought that nothing happened but I was probably dreaming about being in bed at that point or very shortly after).

I'm in bed. I get up and walk out of the room through a hallway. Something feels off. The movement - it's slightly slower and smoother. Am I dreaming? I raise my hand to do a nose plug RC but don't even finish it, the movement has a definite weird feel. I step into the room across from the bedroom where I slept and immediately know it isn't supposed to be there.
The room looks like a combination of my childhood bedroom and the bedroom in my in-laws' apartment.
What was I going to do? Trumps! And something else, but I can remember that later.

Trumps come from the Amber book series by Roger Zelazny. In the books, they are tarot cards used for communicating with the person in the picture and also for teleporting.
I've always loved Amber and came across the idea of using Trumps in one of FryingMan's posts. If I can get them into my dreams, it would be a neat tool for summoning DCs and for teleporting.

I try to get the cards out of my pocket. But I don't seem to have any easily accessible pockets. I remember the sweatpants that I wear IRL now - they have zippered pockets. I feel the zipper and unzip it. From inside, I pull out an old tissue.
I face a desk. There's a black phone on it, and music is playing. It's something modern, pop/techno/dance, mostly beats, I don't like it, but it's an original song and that's what gets my attention. I pick up the phone and say, "Play some rock." The music stops, but nothing new starts. "Classic rock," I specify. Nothing.
I leave the phone alone and return to the contents of my pockets. More pieces of tissue. A small piece of lined paper, as if cut from my DJ, but blank. Nothing more.
A DC enters the room. He wants to know what I'm doing with the phone. I pick it up again and say, "Play something." Now it works - the phone starts playing something techno-like again.
The DC walks to the other end of the room, where he joins another DC who was already there. I wonder what to do next. TOTM! I look around the room - the other DC is now just a little closer. I walk up to him and ask "What part of my subconscious do you represent?"
He looks at me in great surprise. "I don't know," he says, throwing up his hands. He turns to the other DC, but then turns back to me and says "Mrzoprs" with effort. I'm not sure I've understood correctly. "What?" "Mrzoprs," he repeats.

"Mrzoprs" is a nonsense word, but if I assume Czech etymology, it could be loosely translated as "regretboob" or "grumpyboob".

OK, enough. I have more goals to do.
I go out into a big atrium. My next goal needs me to fly. But my lucidity and concentration have dropped significantly and I'm having trouble getting airborne, as well as problems with my clothes getting in the way.
Then I get distracted by a friend who finds my attempts amusing.
Nothing else interesting happens.

comment non-lucid (shortened) lucid

I was sitting at a table with a guy I liked and I asked him something (in Czech). I realized that I was in an international group and that he wouldn't understand me, but that if it was a dream he would understand me. He asks me some follow-up question, which makes it unclear if he didn't understand or misheard. I answer it in English. He answers in Slovak, which satisfies me - it makes sense that he understood my Czech. I continue talking to him in a mix of Czech and English.

I used to have some language-induced LDs. These days, similar situations usually end as only semi-lucid (I know that people in my dreams understand everything). This was almost there…

In another dream, I'm running errands in Prague, walking down a street in the centre, I want to catch a tram. I think about the previous dream - I set an intention for the next night so I don't make the same mistake again. Anyway, it's a pity that I haven't managed to fall asleep again after that dream, otherwise, I would have had a good chance...
...How do I know this isn't a dream? It doesn't seem likely to me that it is. But thinking about it, I don't really have any reason to be here... RC confirms. Nice.

I'm in the mood for a different experience today than yesterday. I recall Sageous's thread and the memory exercise. I know I'm not in Prague, and I know I'm sleeping. I recall my birth year. Then the exact date of birth. Easy. Highly lucid, I think, ready for anything (not as much as I thought at the time, but it wasn't bad).
Goals? TotY, TotM, and teleportation training. I tell myself that TotM - asking a DC which part of my subconscious they represent - is easy and a good place to start.

I turn the corner and approach a woman. I excuse myself and ask her, "Which part of my subconscious do you represent?"
She looks confused and scared and doesn't know what to answer. She tries to talk her way out of it, so I let her go.

The city around here isn't much like Prague anymore. It has a vibe somewhere between the multicultural neighborhoods of Western European cities and third-world countries. There are more women around with headscarves. I don't want to ask them in case I scare them. I also notice there are a lot fewer people around than there were at the beginning. I want to go back to the center.

I tell myself that an experienced LDer would fly, but I still can't fly. Just taking off probably won't work, it's never worked for me. I decide to try high jumping.
1st jump - I jump higher than I would in reality and the man who passes me looks at me in surprise.
I bounce again, and I'm even higher, about 2-3m, which still isn't enough, but gravity already has a weird feel.
I bounce once more, this time bending my legs a lot to bounce, and gravity is already completely broken, like it was in the Defying Gravity dream. I do a half backflip and float in the middle of nothingness, seeing only solid grey above me. As I realize there's no reason for me to land backwards on my hands, I flip forward again and the street reappears in my field of vision. I use swimming motions to orient myself and dive into the air in front of me. I'm flying!
Occasionally, I'll add a swimming stroke, but my clothes restrict my full range of motion. I'm losing altitude a little, but very slowly. I started at roughly streetlamp level and flew about 200m before I landed on the ground again. Cool!

I want to give the TotM a second try. There's a small market in a side alley. I approach a group of people, same question as before. They look confused and I notice they're really young, young teenagers. So I explain it to them in more detail.
"There's a theory," I say, "that all the people in the dreamworld, except for me..." a girl interrupts me: "Why except you?", but someone shushes her.
"All the people in the dreamworld, except me," I repeat, and continue, "represent a tiny part of my subconscious. And I have an assignment that my mother gave me" (this seems like an ok lie) "to ask some people what part of my subconscious they represent. So what part do you represent?"
The children seem attentive and understanding. One boy starts to say something but stops after two words and it doesn't make sense. Someone says they don't know. Someone else says something evasive. So I thank them and say ok. It doesn't get any better than that. Done.

Teleportation. There are lots of doors and lots of walls around, lots of opportunities for different techniques. There's even a box that has doors on 4 sides! But I want to go somewhere farther.
My lucidity has gone downhill from here. I want to fly more, but I'm carrying strange silver plates. I want to tie them to my waist with a towel so I can fly, and a woman is helping me, but it's not really holding. Then I think about leaving them in this locked chest I have with me, but I find it's full of silver coins with wolf images on them.
A merchant shows up and offers to trade me silver for gold so I can have a smaller volume of stuff. He's got these dodgy coins, pale greenish-yellow, don't look like high purity. He wants to know if my Witcher coins are genuine, and he wants me to prove myself to him with a Witcher pen. I remember that I lost the pen in the previous dream. The deal is off.
I wake up.

I woke up with my second alarm and went straight back to lying down attempting to MILD again. I must have dozed off for a little bit as I come back to awareness with a bright white rectangle close to my face. I imagine it as a computer screen and sure enough, I start to focus on the URL at the top of the screen repeating to myself that I am dreaming. I feel my body start to enter sleep paralysis and I hear some strange noises. I try to wake myself up out of panic by trying to think of my bedroom, but I can only think about work and sitting at my desk looking at my computer screen. I let it happen and suddenly pop into the dream by WILD

It's difficult to move at first, but I get out of the office chair I'm sitting in and do a reality check. My fingers pass easily through my hand and I feel that I am already more aware because of WILDing instead of DILDing. I want to get outside so I walk to the stairwell and find it blocked by a vending machine. It swings out of the way without effort, though, and I walk down. The stairs get very narrow with more blockages along the way, but I finally make it out into a grassy hill. In front of me are mountains with many homes built around the base. To my left it looks like some plains with a dust devil or small tornado. I sit down cross legged in the grass to boost my awareness. I once again perform a reality check which I do easily. I then say out loud, "Clarity now", in a calm but commanding voice and my vision becomes pixelated-like for a split second and a sound like a high pitched ring occurs. It subsides leaving me with a much clearer vision and more awareness, and I'm stunned for a minute that it worked so well. I decide I want to talk to my subconscious so I start walking down a street with houses on both sides. I imagine a bench on the left side while looking at my hands and sure enough, I look up and a bench is there, although a little lopsided. I sit down and ask to speak with my subconscious. Out of the right side of my vision, a blonde girl walks towards the house that I'm facing. She greets me and walks in some side entrance to open the front door for me. I thank her and walk inside. She starts talking to me but I'm trying to focus on staying aware and I tell her this. I remark that I need to work on making my awareness - boosting routine get my awareness in the dream to last longer. When I finally sit down, she starts talking to me again, but the dream fades out quickly.

So I started using the Awoken smartphone app to train myself to do Reality Checks in my dream. It works like a charm, for me at least. After responding to the app for only one day, I had 3 lucids last night. The most interesting of them was the one where I realized my goal and tried to gain control over/access to it. Below is my DJ entry.

---

I'm in this wacky world where there are all sorts of zany characters running around. It feels like a game mixed with a children's TV show. I have been here before in a previous dream and I become lucid.

I remember my goal, the reason I'm lucid dreaming in the first place and realize I have no interest in this weird world and dream freedom. I'm here to talk to my subconscious. So I try to focus and clear out the world so I have complete emptiness. It doesn't work, so I treat my dream as a machine that accepts commands and tell it to "clear out everything". And it does, it literally removed everything leaving me in complete darkness.

Now that I have what I want, I say to my subconscious: "Give me access to my subconscious." I do not get a response, but I can see my subconscious trying to force the world back in which I was standing before, forcefully trying to move it into place, I can even see white, bony hands trying to push the scene back together for me to walk in. I refuse and push it away with my mind and ask loudly: "Why won't you give me access!?"

Then a feeling of fear developed inside of me and out of nowhere the mad Majora's Mask moon shows up underneath me and a dark, angry voice resonated throughout the world: "WHY DO YOU WANT ACCESS TO SOMETHING YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!?" The voice surprises me and I am shocked my subconscious is this violent towards me. It's not just shock because of the response. The amount of power this entity exerted towards me was of such a degree that I felt like it could kill me instantly if it wished to do so. I froze for a second when it appeared in that fashion.

The voice keeps on talking on why I have no business trying to meddle in something beyond my control and it has me wake up to a false awakening again, but I am completely conscious of the fact that I am dreaming still. The house is very different. Not in the sense that the layout or location is different, but something else completely. It's dark, not only literally, but it feels like I'm somewhere I have no control. I feel fear inside of me as I see eyes on the walls everywhere, connected to each other like neurons and information travelling between them as electricity, as this voice keeps on rambling like a higher being, explaining that I shouldn't have access to things I will not understand anyway. I walk through the house and the walls are the same everywhere, with eyes looking at me. It feels really uncomfortable as I'm trying to explore the house. When I get to the kitchen, my dream has started taking over again, as my consciousness is fading and the last thing I see is myself walking back to bed. And that is where the memory ends.

---

That was quite the experience. I think maybe I came on to strong. Tonight, if I become lucid, I'll try just talking to it first, just a conversation, rather than demanding access immediately. Hopefully it will be more agreeable then XD.

Sep 29 2018

Background - i didn't get nearly enough sleep during the week (b/t 5 and 6.5 hours a night) so i haven't had lucids since last sunday and have only been remembering 1-2 dreams a night on avg. so maybe this was sort of an extended REM rebound effect? i didn't sit down to meditate (although at many points i made myself hyper-aware) or visit the bathhouse, but anyway i remembered to do math in most of my lucids, got to talk to my dream guide (or it felt like it), and got my subconscious to play music. p. cool night!

3 NLs - before waking at 5:30 (went to sleep 11:45) (fortunately i wrote all of these down)
* in 9, my parents are talking to "Mr Jeff" in the front porch, talking about walking sticks as "staves", they examine one i found in the forest when we went to the cabin at the beginning of august
* in 8, seeing an older woman out of the apartment who had just helped F and I with something or was maybe just visiting. she has the body of a younger person but has surface-level wrinkles, almost like they're a painted-on texture with no depth (they're white) and I think she even had black hair. but her skin also looks quite dry. she reminded me of one of my neighbors who walks two dogs
* in 512 (grandpa's house) with F and my dad. F and I are sitting at the dining table across from each other, dad is to the right. i have tea and she has water, my dad asks for some of my soft drink because there's some rule that anytime i have soft drinks he gets a portion (he used to do this IRL too ;_ but i tell him i'm drinking tea and that i don't (or barely) drink soft drinks anymore, he points out a detailed list of times i've had soft drinks over the last year. i'm eating a wrap and unexpectedly i see a splotch of guacamole getting pushed out of the top like a tube of toothpaste, i lick it so it doesn't fall and i can vividly remember the taste - it was spot-on. really good guac!

LD 1 - WILD after WBTB - after lots of HI coming close to successful WILD, finally it's sort of like an FA, in bed, can see light coming through curtain, sit up and move curtain (feel body shift into dream body). It's light out, I look around, look at body and try to transform, wake up. go back to sleep pretty quickly after that

LD chain 2 - WILD, DEILDs, and DILDs - too many so I'll only write summaries - didn't write all of these down because after finally waking from the chain I just dove right in to the second chain
* walking outside in area between 9 and neighbor's house, asked subconscious for music to play, got some symphonic. it came and went, but as it faded I would conduct it with my hands and it would get louder. after a bit the music changed to a medium tempo pop instrumental and I conducted it as well. I was focusing on the sight/sound/touch sensations involving the wood fence, white lattice, the foliage, grass, swingset, etc. very vivid
* converted FA in 8 bedroom, summoning big cuddly dogs (F's grandma has a big dog so whenever we go over there like we did yesterday, I cuddle with it); in the dream they're very warm, i'm starting to feel temperature more in dreams whereas before with touch i would only feel pressure; one of my goals is to actually feel the bones inside my hands and the muscle contractions
* something with F in 9, can't remember details now...
* morning daylight scene, approach white service van and enter, there's a moldy (not really decomposed but with a green patina almost?) girl in the back sort of under the carpet (skin sort of the texture of the under-carpet material in floor boards) I try to move her head and her fully black eyes open, I kiss her (or do CPR?) and every time I do she blows air at me, weird weird weird wtf
* there were a lot more (i'm getting vague impressions of more FAs and maybe one more outdoor one), they're just lost on me -- i'm giving it time and hopefully i'll catch a few more during the day

LD chain 3 - WILD, DEILDs, and DILDs - too many so I'll only write summaries - had these after a brief wakeup and pee
* met dream guide as pudgy girl (reminds me of an outgoing version of F's little cousin), talked to her about my thoughts and whether she was real. I didn't ask my subconscious for the dream guide, I just saw her and knew -- i asked "are you my DG?" and she said yes, we held hands and walked through a crowded mall and talked for a bit.
* fight/murder in crack, blame - there are two men and a woman, the man and woman are fighting (they're married?) on a second-story floor with long cracks perpindicular to the hallway, so that you can see through to the first story (long fall); the second man walks up and says something to the first man that makes him jump through the crack. the woman is distraught but turns to the second man (her lover?) for comfort. at first i'm a semi-lucid observer but after this i summon my dream guide and he shows up in a doorway behind me as a tall built older man, feel his sides (like obliques) through shirt and they're warm. he says it's the only way he could get to me (like KPAX sort of - why is a soap bubble round) (when I first see him I saw other girls who looked similar but definitely different to the girl DG from before, their eyes were different)
* red curtain in parent's bedroom and transition scene - cool technique where I was looking in a mirror and I summoned a huge red curtain and threw it sort of over and around me and wrapped myself in its suspended self to transition to the next dream, however the next dream was somehow "too small" and so it faded quickly as I couldn't get a grasp on it
* lost a lot of these too... will keep trying to recall

as i lay in bed trying to recall and recount these dreams, i'm perfectly still, when i finally do try to move there's heavy resistence and then a snap! and i awaken, it turns out i had been in a detailed FA the whole time, as a result I lost some of the lucids. before waking I could recall 13 lucids total. not too bummed though as I'm sure I'll have a lot tomorrow night too!

Ritual: I often wake up briefly during the night, but at one point last night I noticed that my husband was awake too, so we ended up having a conversation, probably around 3 or 4am. After that it was hard to get back to sleep, and I tossed and turned for a while. Eventually I realized that I was tossing and turning with the distinctive sensations that suggested I might already be asleep. I played with it a bit, rolling until I was sure that I was not moving in a physical way, and when I felt certain that I was in the dream state, I "got up."

WILD, "Julbock": I realized that it was my first WILD since moving to my new house, but as is typical, I failed to recognize the ways that the dream environment was different from WL. In fact, it bore very little resemblance to the place I currently live.

I remembered my intention to work on the last two TOTYs I haven't completed, but after my difficulties making rainbows the other day, the idea felt stressful. Maybe I could just relax and explore the dream world? But I knew that abandoning my intentions was a recipe for losing lucidity fast. I decided on a sort of compromise: I would work on the Basilisk—why do I keep thinking of it as Basilisk? This is a mistake I keep making in waking life, not in dream—I would work on the Chimera task, but rather than go through the motions and try to force things to happen, I would let my subconscious take care of it.

I was actually surprised how well this worked. Normally, if I needed a goat (as the task specifies) I would deliberately try to summon one, but this time I just held the idea casually in the back of my mind as I walked through the my darkened apartment. Moments later, what should catch my eye, but a stuffed toy goat! It actually resembled an object that I possess in waking life, a little Beanie Baby goat that I have for many years brought out around Christmas time and designated the "Julbock." I have not yet brought it out this year, but it crossed my mind to do so a few times recently.



"Would a stuffed goat work?" I wondered as I picked up the small toy. I tried to remember the wording of the task. Surely it just specified "goat," not "live goat" or "real goat," as if those terms could even be meaningful in dream, so I figured that this goat would be adequate for my purposes, and carried it with me.

Since the task required the chimera to act violently against DCs, I didn't want to create it in my own apartment, what with the dream version of my husband asleep in the other room, so I left and went out into the hall. (It is worth specifying at this point that I don't live in an apartment, and have not for many years, nor have I ever lived in any apartment that resembled the one in this dream, which is what I mean when I say that this dream environment was very different from WL.)

Across the hallway was an open door leading into another bedroom, apparently empty. Should I summon the chimera there? But I didn't know whose bedroom it was, so I decided to keep moving. To my right was a solid wall, the end of the hallway, so I turned left and walked down the corridor. The hallway was narrow to start with, and the walking space was further restricted by the many chests of drawers that were pushed up against the wall on the left hand side.

I sidled along with barely room enough to pass through the corridor for about twenty feet, until I emerged into a slightly wider but still relatively cramped lobby area. To my left, a chest-high counter bordered a desk and work area where two women were seated, clearly employees of this apartment complex. Attached to the wall behind them was a row of large gingerbread men, a festive decoration for the holiday season—but also just what I had been looking for. I was impressed how well my subconscious was pulling through for me. You see, in my earlier WL attempts to plan how how I might complete the chimera task without harming any human-like DCs, the inspiration occurred to me: have it fight gingerbread men! I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about crushing some animated DC cookies, since I happily bite the heads off gingerbread men in WL. And now, even without any elaborate summoning rituals or focused intent, my subconscious had handily provided me with everything I needed to complete the task: I had my goat, and I had some gingerbread men that could serve as victims. All I needed now was to transform the goat into a proper chimera and cause some cookie mayhem.

"Could I borrow those gingerbread men?" I asked the women politely.

"Sure," one of them replied nonchalantly.

"Okay," I said, preparing myself for the complicated part. "I'm going to try to keep this under control. Hopefully no one will get hurt."

Though I intended my words as a subtle warning, it was apparently so vague that the women took no notice whatsoever. One of them asked the other, "Could you get me a Coke?"

"Sure," the other replied.

"Half," added the woman who had made the request. This puzzled me. I had assumed that the request was for a can of Coke from a vending machine. How would one bring back half? But I didn't put too much thought into it, because I was preparing to transform the stuffed goat into a chimera... everthing was in place...

...And I woke up, once again, just before I could get to the heart of the task. When I was at my best, early this year before my long recent dry spell, I could often keep from fully waking and DEILD-chain my lucids in order to finish complex tasks like this, but now I seem to be out of practice.

I am lucid.
I fly over a blue city river and descend on to the city. I am on an street and people start to stare at me. I realize I am floating. I quickly will myself invisible. The street has a mysterious dreamy orange tint. People behind stalls are selling bizarre objects. Along the buildings there is a gap where a staircase is. I wander up it. It spirals round and round and it starts to feel like it going to go on forever. However I reach the top. I am in a temple sort of area and there are pillars standing tall. I ask "Show me my dream guide?" Nothing happens. I prostrate my self. I say "Please!". I eventually say in desperation, "God!" I should add I am a militant atheist. The scene changes. I am flying over a forest. A warm male voice says "She is traversing these slopes. You may not see her now." I wake up.

1. Connect to Subconscious: Ask questions to learn more about myself and learn how to make a permanent connection with it.

So I had a pretty severe ankle sprain yesterday, which pissed me off because I'm not going to be able to train Parkour/Freerunning/Tricking for a few weeks... but then I remembered that my training space wasn't limited to the waking world
And so last night...

Lucidity: 8/10
Control: 6/10 - didn't really use dream control, other than controlling my own dream body.
Vivacity: 8/10

I'm in my mom's car on the left rear seat; we're on a road with a forest on the right and some bushes on the left. I reality check for a reason that I can't remember: four fingers!! I tell my mom that I'm dreaming as I reach for the door handle, and my mom reminds me that I have important goals in mind (I asked my Subconscious to not let me drift out of high lucidity and do unproductive stuff - I find it easier to view my subconscious as a person, it makes it easier to ask for stuff ).
I open the door and jump out of the car, and I start flying close to the ground. From my point of view it looks a lot like I imagine long boarding at high speed.



My mom catches up to me in with the car.
"You could train parkour!" she shouts.
So we're finally working together, uh?...Thanks, Subconscious.
I stop and step back onto the ground. I'm feeling a presence next to me. I can't really see him, but from a 3rd person view, I realize that there is some kind of half ghost, half human dude flying at my left. I immediately "know" that he is the dream personification of my Subconscious.
"So, what do you want to do?" He asks.
"I need to train here (in the dreamworld) so I don't loose all of my skills. What about corks?" (it's a kicking and twisting flip).
I throw and land a few corks but I'm not rotating enough, it doesn't look good.
"You could try to kick more towards your opposite shoulder," my Subconscious suggests.
I take his advice, and almost magically, I land my corks much better; I am actually feeling like this would work very well in real life.
Because I feel like I've learned something, I decide to move onto something else. As I walk under a bridge, I remember that some people on the forum believe that you can heal yourself from a dream.
Meh, why not try? It's not like I'd loose anything.
So I sit down and grab my injured leg; I concentrate on it and I try to send energy into it.
"I'll see if it worked when I wake up," I tell my Subconscious.
I wake up.

My foot is feeling a little bit better, but I assume it's just natural recovery - I'll keep trying to heal it in my dreams though, you never know
I'm obviousy not able to test if my subconscious' advice about corks works in real life, so I'll have to wait until recovery. Until then though, I'll keep training in my dreams

first of all i would like to say that before i fell asleep last night i was watching the youarecreators2 youtube channel. with that being said i'll continue on to my dream. it started out with me laying in my bed as normal in my normal looking bedroom in normal night time lighting, everything seemed normal as far as my surroundings. i was telling my subconscious mine (with my thoughts) "this is my mind and my life i control my mind nobody else!" while "trying to visualize my modeling dream" and every time i did this i felt an enormous amount of pressure in my head it was soo much to the point where i felt like i couldn't handle it anymore. i said it again "this is my mind!" then i started visualizing myself on the runway modeling with camera flashes pointed at me and again the pressure started again this time it was too much and again it felt like i couldn't handle it so i let go of control then it stopped, i never saw my subconscious or heard it speak. i just felt alot of pressure in my head i knew it was my subconscious mind's presence it felt like something was being forced in inside my head like energy and power it felt weird but it was to much for me. it's hard to explain it was not painful only alot of pressure. the dream seemed so real because like i said before my surroundings seemed normal. the only thing that trips me out was the sheet i was trying to hide under after i let go of control but before i went to sleep i had no sheet only my blanket. so thats how i know it was a dream and not real because the sheet in my dream was actually sitting on the futon in my waking life. most of the time i have no control over any of my dreams and just going with the flow. whatever is happening it just plays out. when i wake up from some dreams i question myself "why did i do that?" but in the dream it would seem like the natural thing to do..... so weird i've never had a dream where i actually controlled how everything played out. i have the most weirdest dreams some where i see black figures with red eyes, one time i had red eyes with blood coming out like tears and blood from my mouth, i've been abducted by aliens where they were trying to give me a shot and kill me in a dream once, i've dreamed where my entire family (people i claim as family and people who claim me as family, i don't know my biological family) exiled me, friends family, everyone who ever knew me or people i ever knew talked about me, it was big time betrayal. i've had dreams where i can't walk straight like my legs area giving out on me. dreams where aliens walk this planet, dreams where the sky is purple and turquoise, sex dreams with people i don't know, dreams i've been kidnapped held captive and bitten by a mysterious bug that made me sleepy, and the second worst of all was when i had a beerbelly a mustache and i was short o.0 that one was too much for me in real life i'm tall, skinny and i have no facial hair. and lately when i have a dream i have thoughts. like i'm actually talking in my head in my dream ive never done that ever until recently i'll say like for a month now. this is too weird .....i don't know what last night's dream was about with my subconscious mind but it was soo weird,

I am in front of my actual school, on the floor. It's so cold and there's too much wind. The scene is similar to Silent Hill, but there're no ashes falling. I see a friend of mine in the window, walking. Another friend is on the roof of the school, then she jumps. I don't understand anything and expect her to die, but she just arrives to the floor and continues walking towards me.

How did you do that? - I ask her. My other friend appears in this moment. I ask them both to stay because I feel strange and I'm scared. ''Wait...could this all be a dream?'' - I think and do a reality check by counting fingers, but it doesn't work. No, I'm pretty sure that I am dreaming, so I do a second reality check by pinching my nose. I can breathe and get lucid.

I tell them that this is a dream and they get angry at me. They start punching me and I call my subconscious. A big blue brick wall appears flying towards us. ''Why the hell is a wall flying'' - I think. Suddenly I find myself in my old house. I start calling my subconscious again, but nothing happens. When I'm about to give up I start calling the dream representative, but he doesn't either appear. ''I'm dreaming, and I know that I am dreaming, but this all seems less 'real' after waking up'' - I think while going to the first floor. I stare at the window of the living room and see my neighbours.I go upstairs again and find myself in another place again. ''I have to try LSD here.'' - I think and imagine how papers of LSD appear in my pocket. I take them all but nothing appears until I reach the top, when I start to see colors and 3D images.

When I open the door that's in front of me I am in a restaurant. A big modern restaurant, which also seems quite expensive. There's a couple having dinner, a guy and a gorgeous blonde woman. ''Haha you guys look so happy, do you want to learn how to fly?'' - I tell them, but they don't hear me, so I grab her with her chair and throw her to the street (it looks like we a are at a 30th floor). Noooo! - He screams, bu t instantly he continues eating. I continue walking and see a friend of mine having dinner too, but he's alone. ''Hey, what are you doing here?'' - I ask him, taking a sit. Nothing, having dinner with a friend of mine who's in the bathroom. - He answers to me. I give him a hug and wake up.

I decide that to save bandwidth, I shall go for a walk instead of slaving away on the computer all day. Just going down the road outside my back garden. I see Jack L. with his little brother (he doesn't have one as I'm aware of.) I'm surprised to see him in my home-town as he lives in a city around 25 miles away, so we walk and talk, the discussion mainly been about how deep his voice is now and how old he looks. (I felt like I was myself at my own age and current looks, but I can't be certain.)

As we're walking Jack goes into a 'bread-shop' owned by and old lady (looking in her 40-50's) who loves Stardoll. Jack puts some fresh bread into the oven and I ask if he's usually like this, responsible and a good big brother.

He laughs, looks me in the eye and says "Never." He says this as he brings the now cooked bread out of the oven, then we leave the shop. I see people I should know but they strangely know Jack much more and they pay no attention to me. Although they do know me the attention was obviously all on Jack. Then I wake up from the sound of something falling in my room. I did a reality check just in case but it didn't overrule the real world so I knew it was reality and not just another dream.

Maybe this was a dream from my subconscious telling me to be a good big brother, be independent and responsible for my actions. But also been social and getting to know people a bit more.

So it's 3am and I'm soo tired because I've never been to sleep in 2 days out of curiosity and stupidness. So tired I am hallucinating while awake that the lights all over my house were flickering really fast even though all the lights weren't even on (confirmed by my step sister laughing at me) and me hearing random people in my head talking(not tulpae if you know what I mean by that). I layed on my bed until I got sleep paralysis, closed my eyes and instantly got thrown into a dream or closed eyed hallucination?

I am in what looks like a tunnel that is swaying me back and forward while seeing in front of me an odd spiral and feeling as if i'm about to be sucked in. After a few minutes of trying to stop this weird force of energy swaying me back and forward I hear a female robot like voice say "Now Entering Subconscious". Just to note, from when I closed my eyes I was already 100% lucid. A huge flash of light nearly blinding me came across my vision and within seconds I was standing in what I felt was my subconscious. There were blue transparent blocks everywhere and floating dream characters that I've seen from previous

dreams. There were pirates sword fighting, stars dancing, cartoon characters talking and a whole lot of words flying rapidly through the air. I leaped onto another block, and another block and another. I found myself in a black room that I can see clearly in. My brain was there and was vibrating so loud that the invisible floor beneath me were shaking my legs. There were 2 rooms, one labeled "Thinking room" and the other labeled "Extras" I walked into the thinking room which was a green room filled with green lasers floating around me. I pressed a blue button that was on the wall. I heard things like "Why are they staring at me,fuck this, waste, school sucks, am I normal?, do I look awkward?" and loads more. I went to check out the Extras room and it felt like my brain was going to explode. My thoughts were racing VERY fast. I heard over 100 different voices talking really fast and even some yelling. I could solve complicated math problems without even thinking and blue smoke filled the room. After a minute I couldn't take it and ran out. Then Kitana from Mortal Combat came around the corner and put her hand around me and asked if I was ok. Then, everything just started breaking. The floors, blocks, people, rooms started shattering like glass leaving me in an empty black space floating. I then woke up.

I... have this strong wish to transform everyday images, the sporadic imagined ones and the thoughts that go along with them, into.. well a dream like the ones at night: into a (visual) manifestation of all the thoughts, wrapped into a whole dream world. I know this is what happens at night, but I seem to be looking out the other end of my subconscious then, and not back onto my everyday life. I want this simple transformation of thoughts into images, essentially into actual daydreams, something that seems to be suppressed in most people generally, and inhibited further through tension and stress etc.
The way I picture it is that I take some Choline, (in some idyllic place or peaceful room), and then start consciously molding my imagination once it comes, expanding fragments behind mere thoughts into lively (as in subtly changing) images, creating spaces beyond all these compressed thoughts and impressions of the day.
Unfortunately I don't dare touch my Choline when I'm under stress, which I always am, and loosen the inhibited images out of hiding, because I fear.. hallucinations. That's what I fear.
My dreams at night are pretty harmless so I don't understand this fear.

But supposing it would actually release such things as visions of horror and violence - are these bad for you?
Because with this issue in particular I feel that dreams are not just dreams.