side notes

.../It has been after some activity I cannot remember, when we all get out of a place and start walking. I don't remember how, but suddenly I'm sitting on the head of a giraffe walking on the streets. We are taking it somewhere. It's a bit vertiginous to maintain balance up here. I'm some meters above the ground, although the ride is nice. We get to the place we're supposed to let this giraffe, it gently puts me back on the ground. I notice we are carrying a baby giraffe too, but a little girl picks it up and accidentally opens its stomach with the zipper of her jacket. It kills the baby and we are all upset but cannot blame the girl. I get out of the room and there's a lot of sand out there. I see some cartoon-like mouses digging holes in the sand. One of them is older, they look like Ralph and Ed from the Honey-Mousers. I get back to the place we started, it looks like a cafe restaurant, there's a horny whore there. I like her but for some reason I cannot think of having sex with her, I just eventually touch and kiss her every time I can. She's hot like hell but apparently there's something that doesn't let me thinking of doing more. Then it's time to close the store, it's a friend's store and I go home carrying a broken padlock in my hand. I see how it is broken and play with it for a while/...

* Alarm clock wakes me up

pre-bedtime: Sensei's combo breaker meditation

23:52 bedtime

00:00 Wednesday 2014-06-18

04:52

+ driving on wide empty tree lined streets, seems like a tech company area, turn left at a corner, pass through some stoplights, turn into a parking garage to the left, enter to a restaurant, (inaudible, something about taking people back to there cars, "fully set command"?)

06:54

+ scenes in a fancy restaurant:

sitting on the floor in the restaurant thinking my shirt is ugly/dirty/not fancy enough, I changed into another shirt

see my old house on TV in the background of some news story, I say to my dad, "Look! There's my old house!" dad says no it's not, I look again and see the house is different: decrepit with big holes in the walls.

Sitting at a table middle-aged attractive woman (family friend) is right across from me, then I'm alone at the table with her. She says she has her own business, I look at something written on a piece of paper, and she has a chess set in her office with an ongoing game on it but none of her colleagues make moves. I say "I love to play chess". I start thinking about chess and visualizing a chess board from the side, and how chess is a battle game with not set pattern, it's an open-ended game where you continue on playing until one side checkmates the other side's king. I'm sort of flirting with this woman, we're not alone at the table but right now there is nobody else around so I'm taking this opportunity to flirt with her and maybe arrange a tryst. Then I see my mother sitting a few tables away and I tell her "why are you sitting so far away, come join us" , then I see my cousin GL across the table to my left of the chess woman, GL look bad/tired, she is blinking her eyes which look red and swollen, "oh I feel so tired" she says, I think about all the medications she could be taking. She was saying how she had to leave her daughter K's dinner party "and it's just not a party without me" she said seriously.

Now there's a man sitting across from me. I look down at my shirt and it's a dirty dark maroon t-shirt, I feel ashamed of this dirty shirt in this fine restaurant, I feel really embarrassed. I look down again and see a much more respectable striped golf shirt (I have this shirt IWL), I say how relieved I am not to be wearing that grubby shirt I saw before, and I tell the man across from me how relieved I am not to be wearing that dirty T-shirt. The man across from me is now wearing the T-shirt I was ashamed of except it wasn't dirty. I describe the shirt by saying "it looked just like the one you're wearing," then he starts to take offense, and I try to clarify that my shirt was dirty and his is not.

Leaving the restaurant in a coat check area, 2 small cute girls are smiling at me and talking to me, they ask me "why do you wear a hat?" I answer "because it makes you look taller." They ask me "Why do you wear shoes??" I answer "Because hey protect your feet." I wanted to take their picture but thought their parents wouldn't approve, the girls followed me on my way out of the restaurant and kept waving and smiling at me for a while.

On the way out, my group is meeting with some asian family, one of my party hugs the man, I shake his hand, unsure about hugging him, he reaches out his hand again as he starts to walk by (not offering a hug), and I half-grasp it quickly and awkwardly as I turn to go.

There are now 3 guys sitting behind the bar, they have a tech software start up. They say their work is "in the cloud" and they can build it every night. They say they have set their schedules really tightly and have planned it out far in advance One guy is working at a computer, a few more guys are leaning back on stools against the bar behind them and look really tired, like they've been working a long time. I feel some compassion and say "I know how you feel, buddy."

A platinum-haired woman with a black eye (like she was hit) approaches and speaks with the bar-tender. The bar is really messy full of little bits of trash. She says she had gone out with somebody, and it was surprising because he gave her a black eye.

+ Then the scene transitions and the platinum-haired woman with a black eye is now a gay man (GM1) at home, I'm DO, he's invited another gay man (GM2) to his place for a blind date. GM2 is tall, thin, very light blonde, pale, albino looking, fine/sharp features like an elf, bright eyes. GM1 is playing his favorite music and is carefully observing GM2 for his reaction to this music, and watches GM2's facial expressions. They walk around, go to GM1's bedroom, in his closet, GM1 says "if you want to f%^& me tonight you'd better do better than you are right now." When he says that his face is half visible looking out from behind some clothing hanging in the closet, one bright blue eye. GM2 says he had no intentions of that. They go on for a while about what sort of relationship they want. GM1 has lots of little things spread out on a table, knick-knacks, including something from his dad which is precious to him, he moves it to a lower shelf.

Get up to record this in the bathroom to avoid bothering wife. Try to get back to sleep, and almost on several occasions get back to sleep. Several times saw dreamlets for that vanished as I "looked at" them. Lost consciousness several times but each time movement or snoring from wife woke me back up so just got up for the day. Having a bed partner really sucks for dreaming.

.../It's my grandparent's old house. We are on the roof with my older brother. I see how it was modified when our mother came to visit my father's family. I feel sad for her because of I realize they didn't treat her well. Now I see her in front of the left side of the roof, although it doesn't make sense with the real structure of the house. She looks like one of her pictures in black and white when she was a teenager and had a very long hair. She feels sorrow and I ask my brother to tell her not to feel that way because of I know she was strong. We get to the first floor. It's night all of a sudden. There's a bad guy who's my brother's friend. He climbs the walls and gets into the room through some open sides that appear in the walls. He gets into my room of my university times in another city. I follow him. There's my kid's double bunk bed. We have to climb on the side of it in order to reach the floor. He checks everything. I don't like it. Some coins fall from the pocket of my pants which lay on a chair. I give the money to him at the end. Then he goes downstairs through the same hole in the wall. There I see he takes a bucket toy. I tell him to let it because of it's like taking something that will be noticed. He lets it. I find my brother is in the kitchen/...

.../There's something with my unfriendly aunt and my fellow cousin but I just remember they both were upset/...

* As far as I can remember, it's the first time I saw my mom in a dream. Although I don't think it's a real memory of her.

Did Sensei's "combo breaker" (1: forget your body, 2: affirmations of awesomeness as a lucid dreamer, 3: MILD-like visualisations) meditation earlier in the evening but only got through affirmations before getting interrupted by a)

23:32 bedtime, no alcohol today

Set strong intention to remember dreams and especially to wake up after every dream.
It worked, probably 5-6 or even more wakings during the night

00:00 Tuesday 2014-06-17

04:19

+ trying to get to the water fountain people are walking across my path interfering with my forwards progress, there's a group of guys at work after meeting, nearby there's wall full of deserts in in big glasses with stems (like giant sherry snifters) each 8-10 inches across

4 or 5 shelves 4 meters long containing deserts in these glasses, they're free, I go for a bowl of chocolate, a colleague goes for the same one in addition to something else and I shoulder him aside and say "this is mine, don't take all the good ones." They make a comment/joke about a guy who used a spoon, licked it, and put it back in the bowl on the shelf.

+ I was called into a board meeting asked to report my experience working at a place in Europe, I look at a map and point out features on the map, I say "my work was more on the Italian side of the border", I see the map and the features of water and land masses, they form a pattern like the hands of a clock, I was trying to tell the location that I was talking about as a point on this clock. My place was 2-3 o-clock. I didn't like going to these board meetings. They worked in the German language speaking area because it was the least expensive.

+ a man was deconstructing large construction cranes outside. "I know how to deconstruct my own cranes" the guy says. He was telling how he got rid of all the various parts, various different people would come and take away different parts, some things he took home, I could see how he neatly arranged all the parts.

+ Someone says "there are too many tiny tox's [dachshunds]," I say "Noooo! There's never enough tiny toxes!" I'm then inside a German-speaking worman's apartment, there's a big fat woman who's cooking something ("okroshka" I think [Russian cold summer soup]), there's another big fat woman sitting in the doorway, and on a stool next to her is an ENORMOUS cat which is a circle about 3-feet in diameter with a normal sized head in the middle (like this one but 2-x wider/taller at least:

the cat is hilarious it's so bizarre, and it says "meow!", I think the food they're preparing is for the dog, and the cat knows this and that the dog will eat the "okroshka" and the cat is really scared of the dog.

+ meeting with wife and some guy in a group, I "recognized" him (false memory), I don't know why they called me to this meeting because this guy knows French because he is French, I think about saying my standard line in French about how I studied French in school and forgot everything, but I don't say it, I shook his hand and think I've met him before.

06:57

+ crazy haired woman is introduced to me she's running for president along with her husband her last name is "Prebelshky". I'm sitting on a couch in a room, I see her walking across the room from right to left and go "whoa look at that hair," her hairdo is the shape of a mushroom and about 6-feet in diameter, it's amazingly huge. I try to say "pleased to meet you," but I have some trouble speaking so I have to repeat it. At first the big-haired-woman doesn't want to be introduced but then she comes and talks to me. I'm sitting down she's standing a few feet in front of me and as she approaches she makes 3 signs of the cross at super-human speed, her arm is almost a blur.

+ I arrive to a group sitting around a large table outside, there's no space initially, they're eating, the leader says "oh, hi! come sit down!", people scoot aside and I sit down at the table. The leader offers me some chardonnay, I say "yeah, sure, I'll have some." As I sit down some guy says "you have to continue your bulking, you can't stay under the control of your mother [so you can get the chicks]." (I visualize a guy sitting down at a table in a restaurant, he has a salad with a lot of tomatoes on it). I get a glass. Someone hands me a piece of food without a plate, I stick my hand out, and it drops into my hand, it's a piece of dark, crunch black bread. People are standing up and leaving now.

There is Al.Tim from L there, (he may have been leader) AT is very knowledgeable about medical things (true IWL), he starts talking about his knee, I say "as long as you're talking about knees, look at mine," I show him how my knee clicks as I fold and extend my lower leg, it clicks evenly about 10 times every time I move my leg, I feel this with my finger on my knee, he says "that's impossible," then he puts his finger on my knee (I feel it) and move my leg and feel the clicks, he's amazed, he says "that's some kind of a (blah blah blah some medical term)."

+ I'm looking at a newspaper it fills my vision, there is an article about shrapnel and how dangerous is it, Vietnamese workers must work with it and I think the bomb doesn't even have to explode, that the little shrapnel pieces can dig themselves into the skin killing the people who touch it. There's also the same problem working with broken egg shells.

+ I'm approaching a crazy cow logo place, a fortress that takes care of animals, someone was upset because one of their animals had gotten lost, outside in daytime. The place had a name (forgot it), "cowzelg?"

+ outdoor eating place, where a large group of central asian migrant workers were eating, there was a line waiting, as someone finished the next guy in line could take his place and eat. The food was displayed in a buffet style on high shelves above the sitting places. It's dusk/dark-ish, I notice a lot of chocolate covered donuts on plates. I was waiting for my turn, I think I could go right ahead, I saw a large chocolate cake on the 2nd story shelf, I was looking at that, someone says it was baked here, I imagine that these migrant workers are pretty good bakers because they have to live away from their families, so they bake, and they start cooking in the evening. Someone gives me a plate and serve myself up a big piece of the cake, I cut it and shlop the piece on my plate, it has a white insides.

09:26

+ nighttime in a house with my dad, I'm on the 2nd floor, I want to leave out a sliding glass window and fly down to my car which is parked on the street by the house. But my dad's there and I don't want to show him my flying ability so I go to another room with another sliding glass door out to a deck, I stand up on the balcony, I'm looking down to the street below, slightly concerned but I know I can fly so I step out into the air and glide across the street to the ground, it's a nice night scene. I'm rejoicing in the feeling of flying.

I'm walking through the town (daytime now) and I see some young people on the other side of a barrier playing some game, I climb to the top of the barrier, and look down and see a girl among the people, her hair and face are continually changing, every time I try to focus on her she looks different, I bring her up with me, I'm holding her and I kiss her, she's struggling against me, she doesn't want to, eventually she relaxes into it. I'm trying to maintain simultaneous focus on: 1) my dream body, 2) the fact that I'm dreaming, and 3) the girl and kissing her, in order to stabilise, but the dream "ends." (semi-lucid?)

+ hiding from robot, outside, near a doorway, I'm hiding to the side of the large entrance trying to avoid detection, so I can enter the building, the robot was looking for me, it sees me and I start shooting at it, then I find myself on a large open paved area.

+ in a large, steeply sloped auditorium, people are there, I think it would be much more efficient if cabbages were 50 pounds.

Around the auditorium, I look up and see a few rows above me a guy standing up in a shiny pin-striped suit with a matching pin-striped tall top-hat. I think I knew this guy and he didn't used to wear such suits. I think he's graduated. He and I are talking within a group of people.

+ sitting around a large dining table with a group of people, I'm waiting my turn for the holy water to come around so I can sprinkle myself with it

+ walking up a stairway, in a big house, I meet a group of girls sitting on the stairs, I have to climb over blankets and things to get to them, I ask where I can get a fresh towel, they show me where the towel dispenser is, it's a strange modernistic capsule-like device (watched Star Trek: Into Darkness IWL probably residue from the torpedoes) with multiple spring loaded parts that move aside to reveal the towels stacked inside. I proceed farther up the stairway and pass a small nook immediately off of the stairwell, I wonder "God, does someone sleep here? There's no room." (there's a little desk and work area). I get up to the top of the stairs and enter a multi-person small circular sleeping chamber, there are 3 beds arranged in a circle, 2 of them are claimed already and have yoga mats laid out on them, I see my spot and I think "Oh, God, I forgot my yoga mat."

I find myself back on the deck where I flew from, my dad and a big group of people are all standing around my body, I realize I must have OBE'd when I flew off the deck, so I "fly" around the people and swoop/plunge back into my body and then once back in my body I sit up and say "here I am!"

+ I'm eating a popsicle, but I finish it too soon, it's less than I think I had left. I need to drive to the border, there's a large truck and inside is a portable border guard immigration/visa processing station. I see inside and see a guy who quickly goes through the processing. I need to get everybody out, I wonder if I can convince the owner of the van to lend it to me so I can go get (my own visa?). My wife comes and is laughing, she says I took the van owner's popsicle (I think "ew, that's nasty, I ate someone else's popsicle?" That explains why there wasn't as much left as I thought), she gives me my actual popsicle and I finish it. I want my wife to ask the owner of the van/truck if I can take it. I don't know if I can drive it reasonably since it's so large.

09:43 13C in room, heater on setting I dial at 11:30, window open about an inch. Earplugs not all the way in, much more comfortable than previous night where they were all the way in. No remee.

Nap after work:

.../I'm with my little kid in front of a crossroad where an old woman who's dressed in tattered clothes, sits still. The place is surrounded by rocks, it looks like the entrance to a cavern without roof. I cannot see the sky from here. It's not possible to go through unless the creepy lady stands up. Then, I realize she's a witch and the purpose of the game is that my daughter has to talk to her asking for permission to go through. I ask my kid to speak to her. My girl hardly builds a sentence and asks the creepy woman to please let her pass. The woman reacts and stands up with very tedious movements. My kid notices something is left where the woman sat. It's a toy which reminds me a little Garfield's figure I had long ago. This one, looks like the combination of a serpent and that cartoon character. We get in, then a voice says something about the worse demon from hell. I see a disgusting creature getting downstairs pulled with a chain by a masked man. It's hard to describe, it looks like the combination of a serpent with human arms and legs, and some other bugs. Its head looks like the head of a tapeworm. The voice describes the creature. I think apparently they are trying to build the most terrifying monster from hell. It talks about some glands, when I see some glandular bags fall from its neck. They drop a fluid and the voice says it's some sort of poison. It's more disgusting than terrifying to me. Then there's a sort of religious preacher who asks me to think about the most lovely moment I lived. I have to build an image about it. I don't remember what I thought but he says the image must appear in front of my eyes in order to create the proper spell. I don't remember what I recalled but he says it's good because of the heart beats where pretty intense. Then he asks me to think about the worse moment I lived with my wife and I have to remember all the hate a felt. I remember a discussion we never had and think it's good for the occasion. Then he says the purpose of this spell is to conjure both feelings and turn them into one or something like that. Then I'm standing on a known dreamscape from my grandparents town. It's close to the cemetery. I remember I had a situation where I felt a more intense feeling, when I was editing some videos. But now he asks me to remember a table I had when I left the city of my university. He says this table did love me and is waiting when I come back. He has a table in his hand and unfolds it. I think it would be nice to have my table back because of the drawings I made on it, although perhaps my cousin has already sold it. Then I'm walking to the cemetery when I see a couple of buddies having a beer in a corner at the bottom of some stairs. I notice I have a Coke in my right hand, and it's cap is in my left pocket. I put it back and walk to my pals. Now I have a cassette in my hand. I see it's a Heavy Metal band from the 80's, and I want to show it to one of them. He says something about he likes "Vibrato". I remember I had this tape before and there's a song with that name. I look for it but I cannot find it anywhere. I see the box has sort of magnifying glass attached to it, and I can clearly read the titles of the songs with it. I just have to move the box a little to surf on the titles. Then I find the song "Vibrato" under the live show section. I'm wondering when the magnifying glass will be broken when I start hearing a chorus in Spanish which stands for "Where is the lord of the Holy Hell?"/...

* Woke up by some people making noises with a trumpet or some...

.../There was something about my older daughter having a bad or shower on the bed and it was a little bit complicated/...

13/06/2014 - Nap after work:

.../I'm watching a TV-show which is about to find the 4 worse artistic performances of the week. It's a sort of a live show. The audience laughs with every presentation. At the end a woman's voice announces the new performers of the week and which one of them will succeed or could be in the next show. After a couple of blurry music performances, a guy covered in blood starts dancing some satanic rituals. I think perhaps this guy will be in the next show. Then she says something like: "...And now we'll present the new release from the band [She says the name of my former band], they are bringing their new material and it looks like they are going to be a great hit... or will they be in our next show?". I start to pay attention, wondering about their new sound and what have they done since my departure. A very interesting riff fades in. I'm amazed, thinking how the hell he can think those rhythms! The volume goes up and the riff is on my face! It's simply wonderful. I think this guy have talent. Then I start to wonder what could he do to get out of that riff and perhaps he will try to accelerate the rhythm. It changes into a speed riff which doesn't convince me. I think he did it again, lost the feeling trying to impress with flaw speed riffs. I turn my back while the music fades out/...

* I wake up with the first riff looping in my head when I notice that it's something I don't know. I first record the melody with my cheap voice recorder. Then I wonder how it goes in the guitar. I have to tune it in C. Then I decide that perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to try to record it. And once again, I have a new riff ready to be worked...

22:33 pre-betime, yay on time for once

00:00 Friday 2014-06-13

03:17 no recall
2 remee 45-minute nap settings hit
can't sleep: noisy / moving wife

05:20 got up, cleaned the kitchen, went shopping, made pancakes for everyone

08:30 (?) back to bed for nap & hopefully the 2nd half of the night's sleep!

12:00 yay, recall!

+ tender moment sitting with a pretty blonde girl on a bench indoors. She sits down, I slightly touch her, almost accidentally, feeling her skin through her blouse, we're in public so I'm a bit tentative, we get closer, I think she knows Chinese and we're holding a book with Chinese writing in it and I ask her to translate some words, and ask "what's <xyz> in Chinese?", she doesn't answer, we end up sitting very close, cheek to cheek, and she puts her hand on my other cheek. The sort of dream where you despair of waking because it was such an awesome moment.

+ I'm on a subway car and one girl standing a little bit away moves out of the way to reveal her beautiful friend who was standing behind her

+ get on to strangely decorated train car with wife, we start moving, 3rd guy appears, we're not on the right tracks. Entering the car: there are actually 2 cars standing side-by-side on 2 different sets of tracks, we enter directly into the first car from the outside, there is another group just sitting down in the first car, they've taken all the seats. The 2nd car is visible through the wall, there's a door connecting to it, it doesn't look as comfortable as the first car, there's a strange little couch with a small coffee table and 3-4 shaped stools opposite the couch, none of them look very comfortable. We enter that 2nd car since there's no room in the first, wife says "this is the car where (in the old days) they came to (make love)". We start moving, without the main train, I'm a bit concerned that we're getting separated. We're on different tracks. It's sort of dusk/dark out, I'm looking ahead to see the tracks and ours are barely visible under a lot of dust, but the "main" tracks are clearly visible as normal raised RR tracks to our right, I think we won't be able to lift our train car on to the real tracks.

+ in the water, aliens/zombies from a collapsing huge ghost-cruise ship come for me under the water, I'm not concerned at first but realize later I can't get away. The ship is about 50-100 meters away, it is very large and moving slowly, it seems to be large and blocky and made from large rusty parts, it is slowly moving from left to right and slowly turning slightly towards me. I'm sitting/treading water with a group of other people, the ship seems to be slowly falling apart and beings are entering the water. They're coming for me, I'm not concerned at first I think I can get away but they get close and start grabbing at me, I move away and am a bit pissed that the others aren't helping me, and I realize they're going to get me.

+ near epic (with better memory it would be epic), long, alien invasion adventure: I'm fighting for the resistance.

A scene on a set of large open hills, the resistance fighters (hundreds of them) are all swooping around the trees holding on to chains in one hand and a chainsaw in the other, as they swoop around the trees they cut down the trees, opening the landscape, I think this is advantageous for the resistance.

Some aliens left and returned with a lot less food than it should have taken, I realize they went to visit the "time-keepers", aliens set in lonely space stations observing, they took samples of food (made from humans), the time-keeprers chose their favourite.

I'm on a bus with humans, I declare strongly under my breath, "DEATH to the bugs!" and everybody on the bus quietly and intensely responds "DEATH to the bugs!" I say again "DEATH to the bugs!" and look around to see who's responding, there's one person to my right who doesn't respond, I wonder if they're a bug in disguise, or an agent for the bugs, or just shy to respond.

Flying DO through the air over an urban city scape I notice that in the carnage, the rooftops are filled with piled up bicycles and tricycles (IWL my building's entrance has a pile of stuff by the door, including a bicycle and a scooter). I enter a room with aliens, they like to play ping pong. One is playing hitting the ball against the walls in a corner.

I and a young accomplice have snuck into an alien teleportation device, we have to hurry to use it, the alien may come back soon, too late, it returns, and starts constructing a net/web/construct around us to prevent us from using the machine. I remain firm and confident that I can activate the device and still be able to take my friend with me, I think this has been done before.

I'm approaching a group of people/building outside, there is a huge clear punch bowl the size of a pond, you're supposed to take a drink and get in a car that moves along an elevated track. Farther along there are humans who are trying to escape the aliens by moving to (islands?) out in a very large body of water, visible in the distance. I think what's the point, the aliens will just come and drain the water and then go get everybody.

There's more but it slipped away...

Non-lucid, lucid, SP-awake and/or observations

Nap after Work:

.../I'm in the middle of this dream world routine, before going to school. I've just get out of the house and I'm about to go to the bus stop when I realize it's not my waking life and I have dream this sequence before, including the lucidity part. I decide to go on with the plot, so I keep on walking to the bus stop. It's a little bit far from my point of view but I don't mind walking in order to stabilize the dream. I see the bus is already there. I think perhaps I could summon a particular DC in the bus to have some sex. But my body slowly starts to fading out when I realize I stopped feeling my legs.
I'm lying on the bed with my eyes closed. I can partially feel every movement I think about my body although I cannot see it. It's not too difficult to imagine things in this stage. I know I could get back into the dream, so I go on remembering part of the routine I was dreaming before/...
.../I'm getting out of the apartment which is on a higher floor. I realize I can see again and better feel my body. I don't remember other thing but to stabilize the dream. I don't want to lose it thinking too much. I start going down stairs. My body is a little bit blurry and I can still feel myself lying on the bed. so I start slapping my legs and arms to feel them in stead of my real body. It apparently works, so I start going down stairs exaggerating my movements to feel this body. I got to go a couple of floors down but it's too loud out there and I can feel other things which don't make sense in the dreamscape and my body fades out again. I can still feel what I think, but this time it's too loud out here. My wife is making too much noise and I cannot go back to sleep.

* I barely remember I have been shortly lucid in this world before, but it's too blurry to have a proper recall.

00:00 Thursday 2014-06-12

00:25 pre-bedtime
00:38 bedtime

no recording during the night, but some recall during the night.

09:30

+ I'm doing the initiation for some gang, there is a captive who must be killed, I don't want to kill anybody, this gang serves you green food in your room but only if you check in. I put sharpened colored pencils onto a cart and roll it at the captive wounding him slightly, my "guide' is impatient for me to kill him and sets up a timed system where the captive will suffocate at the end of the time, this will be a horrible death so I should be "kind" by killing him sooner. The mechanism is a tube on a wall it looks like medical equipment, the "guide" places a bunch of blue foam earplugs into the tubes as the "timer", when they proceed far enough in the tubes the air will stop.

+ in a room, a girl jumps on my tablet and breaks it, I say "oh great you've broken it", she then helps me find the password so I can log on to it. I pick up the tablet after she jumps on it and see the very big crack running horizontally across the tablet, but I can turn it on and it apparently still operates. The password is something numeric. The girl goes off to find it.

+ ask a lower-class guy in a crowded room to help me with my horse, I think I'm of the noble class, I offer him payment and he comes with me.

+ walking up a winding path road lined with candies, I take 3 different types of mint chocolate, one of them is a huge bar, I'm trying to conceal it

+ quickly jumping down a school-like staircase, the staircase is very wide but each step is very shallow, someone is painting them, I have to be careful to set my foot properly on each step so I don't trip/fall.

+ skiing lesson, there's something wrong with my skis, a strap has become limp it's supposed to be stiff, I'm fiddling with it. The teacher was teaching how to jump parallel turn in the snow. I eventually figure out that I can tighten the strap again and it seems to be working.

+ bowling, I'm at a lane near the right-hand edge of the bowling alley, I bowl a spare. My ball doesn't fit my hand it's too small it's uncomfortable on my fingers, I move to the ball racks lining the wall running along the alley horizontally (like typical bowling alley), at first I'm looking for a pink ball that fits me I try several but they're either too big or too small, then I see yellow balls, white balls, I try anything but can't find one that fits. I see strange balls some are huge and misshapen, up to 4x, 6x larger than normal balls, some have dozens of oddly shaped finger holes in them. Some places along the ball rack are toiletry stores where you can buy things to wash your hands with. I think I should head back to my lane, there must be a ball there I can use, even if they don't want to share it with me.

Some guy back at my lane has gotten 60 strikes in a row, that should at least be good enough at least for 2nd place someone says.

+ eating a big cookie?

00:00 Tuesday 2014-06-10

00:51 pre-bedtime
01:07 bedtime

05:39

+ in a (motel?) room with people, my mother is commenting on the decor (she doesn't like the picture with ships on it), entering/leaving a room I stumble a bit across the threshold there are some guys kneeling down on the floor interacting with some object there that I tripped over.

+ walking through motel rooms, (we're the decorators?) we enter one entirely painted in bright electric blue with relief patterns on the walls, I "recognize" (fake memory) the room and the patterns, I go to a table with a sushi waiter where the question is what hard alcohol goes best with sushi, ordered.

+ something with another couple (swingers?)

+ in a room with a black dachshund, I kiss the dachshund, then hold his muzzle right up against my cheek/eye, I'm a big concerned it could turn aggressive and seriously bite my face

+ views of bridges over rivers, they made travel possible from one area to another, some bridges were just long tubes, rather small, hardly any room to pass, one tube had a bulge out on one side that may allow for two cars to go by each other.

Long time getting back to sleep, MILD, WILD, noisy wife kept me awake, uncomfortably too cold, fitful / poor sleep for the rest of the night.

10:29
+ some conflict with another family, walking around/outside their house

+ discussing basketball passing theory for the forward position player, imagining the play while discussing

+ observing snipers in camouflage creeping through the grasses, I'm standing nearby, they're taking zoom pictures of objects in the distance, I see their weapons, and then I get the "camera" view of what they're photographing.

23:30 pre-bedtime (relaxing, setting intention)

00:00 Monday 2014-06-09

06:22

very light sleep, I had an early alarm set for an important day, I slept lightly always anticipating the alarm.

long dream, many scenes, definitely felt the continuity of it all:

+ lifting weights but the weight room is empty, no dumbbells available

+ saw the S brothers (DS, CS), DS was sitting at a desk in the open room doing some paperwork, I think CS made him do it, I want to see CS's office. I see EmKl walking in a hallway, they've set up an office in a medium sized dark interior location, their printer is on an island table in the middle of the room, I think that's a great location for it because it doesn't get in the way taking up desk space, I think they're going to save a lot of money because they print in red ink a lot. I notice the walls along one side of the room are made from tall free-standing cabinets/shelves placed right next to each other in a line, they do not reach all the way to the ceiling, I think the room I was in previously was on the other side of the cabinet/walls.

+ I see scout leader DG, he has a sort of science fair presentation with lots of scientific writing on it, some guys turn bad and DG is now an explosives expert, he prepares a huge pile of TNT all strapped together and drops it down a hole and sets it off in order to create an avalanche and block in the bad guys. There is some interaction with the bad guys as they come and go.

+ I'm lying down (on a bed/table?) with my feet up and a bit spread at the edge, two middle-aged women are there, one reaches into my pants and starts fondling my privates, I feel timid and reject the advances, the more aggressive woman says something like "Hmph!" in annoyance. Later on I'm naked under a blanket playing with myself and thinking I should have accepted the offer and had sex with them, they weren't very attractive but they were probably really good in bed.

+ I'm sitting at a table chatting with two guys who it turns out are former Oakland Raiders players, I think it's cool that I know some Raiders. One of them is named Roger Staubach.

+ (I think around the same time as the Raider guys table but with different people) a gun goes off, one of the guys starts to look really bad, he's been accidentally shot, I see one guy with a gun in his hand, it looks like a black semi-automatic, I see the barrel.

+ I go into some guys room in order to use the toilet, he comes in too and I don't want him there, I want my privacy. He logs into his computer by a bunk bed, entering the password. He says his password is a square of squares (numerical). I start thinking about this, it can't be 25 squared because that would mean that the number had 5 has a factor, now I'm thinking about prime numbers and "constituent factors" (it's a bit hard to get out the word "constituent", and the guy gives me a hint that I realize his password is formed from the product of two prime numbers.

+ I saw a picture printed on a piece of large paper, folded, I have an extremely strong sense that I know the scenes on the picture, I say "wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute!" some of them are of the fireplace and hearth in my childhood home's living room, other scenes are very familiar. I see two young girls in the picture , I sense they are the older girls participating in the scene currently. There was a trip to the art glass museum I saw lots of art glass chandeliers. I get a ride home in a car from the girls.

+ I make a statement about there being nothing new in computer science, and some old guy says (about me) "he made a quip about making a quip."

Try for a WILD once things in the house calm down, I'm a bit doubtful that I'll get back to sleep, but I eventually get comfortable and start getting some HI, I feel a light "all body buzz" and I see some HI that I choose to interpret as a tall arcade video game cabinet, so I start thinking of the old video game asteroids and I imagine I'm playing it, I imagine the sounds of the game and using the controls of the game but I don't make it into a dream (at that point).

11:25

some dreams, only remember last one:

+ I'm in a house looking out to the sidewalk, 3-4 young people show up, finishing a run, the young man says "but we haven't done cardio yet". I walk through the house, it's now a gym, the young exercisers are inside using it too, I set up a strange exercise bike to use, I have to move back to the left to adjust some weight settings and I think one of the girls is moving towards "my" bike I say "I'm using that" then I try to get on the bike, it's seat is at the end of a couple of really long poles I wonder about finding something to put underneath the seat to help hold it up.

I had a hard time sleeping last night because I'm sick with a sore throat, a cough and a stuffy nose. When I finally fell asleep at 3:00am, I woke up at 3:30am to a spinning blade coming through the window. I really thought someone was breaking in. I rolled over my husband off the bed in fright, not wanting to die, and shook him, begging him to get up. Then I realized it was just a hallucination and the window was fine.

Pretty scary to go to bed after that and think what else I might see, but I managed to go back to bed and no see any more hallucinations. I used autosuggestion, telling myself to sleep peacefully and have good dreams, no bad dreams or hallucinations. I didn't end up remembering any dreams when I woke up, but I slept peacefully.

I'll be going back to bed since I'm sick and didn't get much sleep.

Journal Entry Lucid #50 Dream,Lucid, (Comments)
Background:
I meditate and woke up for WBTB. I meditated again and went to sleep.

Lucid Dream #50, day: 06/03/14, time: 4:27-5:20am" Confusion":
I am in the house. I see my dad is in the kitchen making some food for my mother. I am hyper active running around the house. At first completely unaware of the bright pink lights that makes it look like a club. My sister woke up. she came out of her room drowsy. I jumped around and I thought this feels like a dream.
I then do a R.C, but it failed. I didn't accept it though since I knew it was a dream. I looked at my hand watch and it says 9:15 and I look away and back it reads 9:10. It was fairy close. I went to our backyard. The house look so 'real'. I am too focused on the idea that it could be real that I didn't think about it as 'dream'. I went to the wall outside and I wanted to create a portal. I turn and look back to see no portals. I try again and again. My sister calls me and tells me that I am losing my mind and I need to stop LD. Little by little getting increasingly confused. With further confusion the dream destabilized. I went further into my backyard. With out the confusion I could have been aware enough. I didn't have a door in my back yard. I tried to open it and it wouldn't open at first. I couldn't even recognize that I went into 3rd person perspective. I didn't like it at all I wanted to wake up. They come out and told me to follow them. I didn't want to. I instead willed myself to wake up.

What convinced me that it was "real" was not the logic in the dream, but the confusion. Confusion gets rid of the clarity that lucidity offers.

Bedtime mugwort tincture: bizarre/abstract dreams for the night. Nice night it turns out!

00:00 Thursday 2014-06-05

07:05 alarm

Recall dreams from the night

07:23

+ some leather-strap-wearing girls (I can see a bit of breast) are writhing/wriggling suggestively on the floor, why are they doing that?

+ some rabbits/animals are eating apples, some of the apples have black marks on them

+ I (somebody else?) waves their arms and the giant pile of snowy firewood stacks itself hundreds of feet up into the sky and a hundred yards wide, way up into the clouds

+ building a cabin from logs that are hundred of feet long, tall and black, I'm concerned about them falling over. It's a white/snowy environment.

+ Building a cavernous house, a single absolutely ginormous room, ceiling a hundred feet up, go in this house, I feel warm inside (don't usually notice dream temperature), I want a real window and keep trying to open one but all I get is a computer screen with a heavily pixelated / patterned picture of the view outside, someone tries to convince me that via manipulating multiple reflections this will become a realistic view

+ I'm observing and conversing with some woman who is simultaneously in and out of a wall-sized painting with a mostly blue background, a vertical strip of the painting next to me becomes discolored (green)?, she talks about why this happened (I forgot), the front door opens and blue paint flies in to fill the cracks in the painting and somebody else comes to inspect these cracks.

+ I'm standing at the top of a very tall structure outside, some immigrant workmen have brought 4 large pieces of new construction to be attached (looks like cheap particle board), they try to install one piece but it doesn't fit in the groove in the floor, I suggest removing a screw on the new piece, then I see that this screw when screwed back in won't help anything because the outside of the piece is weak cardboard, the screw won't hold on it.

+ splat cat: a scene outside like a park, daytime, two people have an easel set up and a black cat is repeatedly squashing itself against the canvas to form different abstract patterns, I only briefly see the form of the cat for a split second before it re-splats itself against the canvas time and time again, the patterns are solid black but look like magnetic particles in a magnetic field, sort of "sharp" and 3d.

The splat cat people set up a table and the cat (some dark furred animal) climbs up on top of the table. There's a family sitting directly behind the splat cat people and they aren't bothered by this.

There's a family outside, they're very close, the father and son are discussing what their plans are, someone has to do the laundry, they have a lot of dirty towels, but someone must remain at camp to guard their stuff while someone else is doing the laundry.

+ copy guys: they're making 5000 copies, they set up an impressive assembly line of copiers feeding one another at high speed, only real experts can do this, they're producing an impressive multi-color document, they also have a technique for squaring up piles of cardboard boxes (hitting the top of the boxes with a stick/hammer while vibrating their foot/leg against the side of the pile), I think this is a great technique

There are probably 6 or more copiers, each one is shooting out its contribution to the pages of the document, the pages are all flowing on some assembly line, I"m hovering above as DO observing the process. The document assembly line moves from my right to my left and turns 90 degrees to the left and continues on.

+ packing fail: a bunch of people along with me are trying to assemble large (refrigerator-sized) cardboard boxes with foam inserts in order to pack (televisions?) but the boxes all fall apart in to pieces despite the cargo netting.

+ 5pm at the Skanky Ho restaurant. Arrive at the restaurant there's one ho sitting on a guy's lap. I just want to eat, but there are ho's everywhere, I really don't want them to approach me. There are couches and low coffee tables instead of regular tables, and lots of ho's wearing big fluffy curly black jackets, I think this is probably the main time for big business.

+ following the leaf on the path, trying to read its mind, I sense that it has purpose, I will try to influence it, I lose the leave, then things turn cartoon-y and there is a question about entering/repeating the video game.

00:00 Tuesday 2014-06-03

00:43 bedtime (too late! dangit!) still sick. Watched Game of Thrones S04E01 earlier, always good incubation material there .

Set intention to wake up and record in the middle of the night, and to notice in my dreams that I'm dreaming

06:59

+ riding a streetcar, it's going the wrong way from where I'm going. I see green arrow street signs. The streetcar is heading to the left and I need to go to the right.

+ I'm walking down a street in bright daylight, I'm looking at storefronts to try to choose a place for lunch, I think one of the signs says "bacon", one place is a sub diner. I think this is pretty far from where the people work. I choose the sub diner and enter. There is a picture of a tall hamburger on the wall: burger with onion/tomato/ between 2 buns. Walking through the place, there are some people there, I notice a hot tray station in the dining room with what looks like large semi-spherical slices of onion in a rich red tomato sauce, I think this is the free side dish station. I see some free tables in a corner, there is a guy sitting at one table with a strange looking wide futuristic looking metal typewriter, I think this is a foldable typewriter and he brought it here in a backpack, I hear him plunking out whatever he's working on. The counter is at eye level, I order and I get a dish which looks just like what I saw before: large circular slices of baked onion standing up in a rich red sauce on a plate. I pay with a hamburger, I try to add it to my plate but I'm having trouble fitting it on there, the girl at the counter helps me adjust the plate. I turn to sit but my chosen table is now occupied by cops, they've moved the dirty dishes/water glasses to another table, I find another free table.

Slow back to sleep, wonder if I'll get back to sleep at all, try long and hard for more recall before this time, I get nothing but the above two. Try to hold on to awareness, realizing I'm holding too tightly, I recognize a "clenched" feeling in my mind, and I work to let that go, and I then fall asleep again.

11:16 final waking, long period of dozing and waking, accumulating dreams

+ I'm in a car with my younger son (who's current age), he's directing us to a place I don't want to go, we arrive and enter a house full of kids, my son takes back a small plastic toy soldier from a boy who's (vaguely) in a shower and crying, I feel embarrassed by this, there's an attractive girl who's eying my son and brushes her hand against his leg, I in turn brush against her boob, then she's walking with us and I'm talking with her, I'm amazed that she speaks perfectly clear English (ARGH, DREAM SIGN [I reside in a non-Enlish speaking country]), she says she spent time in San Francisco.

Spoiler for explicit:

I walk by another girl doing something with her mouth and I say "you want to suck on something hard?" and I take out my <ahem> and offer it to her (put it in her mouth?), it's not hard I say "don't worry it'll get hard"

+ I'm sitting at a table with other adults, I figure out they're on a baseball team, I'm contributing to the conversation to show I've played the game, I mention "I was born in B", they recruit me to their baseball team, I don't really want to join, I say I've only really played softball, I imagine fast pitch baseball.

+ I'm with a girl in a house in a public room (dining/living),

Spoiler for explicit:

I take off her bra (it's small and green) and take her tits into my mouth, they're unrealistic, the size and shape of grapes, I'm not minding though, I then go down on her and swirl my tongue around her sensitive spot, it's nice

the door behind us keeps opening, I keep trying to close it, I suggest we move to a room, "and I will make you <finish>" I say, we come around a corner and find 3 men in an art class with easels, they're singing a song in unison, I join in signing and try to get them/me to harmonize but it remains unison.

+ walking through a house / kitchen, it's very messy I think I'll never get it cleaned up

+ walking purposefully through a dark building/restaurant with the owner in a bad part of town, I'm giving options to the owner on how to improve business/what to do, I joke "make me regional manager" as one of the options.